S
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TA R A M
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Introscootion
Whatever you wanna call it a moped, scooter, landy, chappy, hairdryer, death-ontwo-wheels, those-bloody-noisy-things the truth is, the motor scooter remains to be the ideal form of transportation in Cyprus. At least in Nicosia that is! Well at least for me it is. (forget public transportation) Some friends may not agree because they probably ride big bikes and think that scooters are only for delivering food and causing noise pollution in quiet neighbourhoods. But tell me what other form of transportation can beat the tightest traffic jams, park anywhere, can cover it with stickers but still look cool, be easily lifted off the ground (if you re strong enough), low maintenance, low fuel consumption??? Tell me?? I thought so! Yes, SCOOTERS RULE!! Now a little bit about myself and this publication I never thought I d actually own a motor scooter. I used to drive a 200cc motorbike and hated scooters mainly for their size and annoying sound, but now I m really happy with my little black hairdryer of a scooter. I can get from A to Z under 9min. Try doing that in a car! I ve always dabbled on the idea of putting together a (maga) zine of this type. A lot of the ideas within the following pages pretty much came out of doodles in my sketch book. Since I love comics (especially MAD comics and Joe Sacco s work) I thought I d take up the challenge. As you may notice, I m not much of a writer, but I m glad that I ve finally gotten back to drawing. So I m pleased to share with you SCOOTERAMA. Will there be a sequel? I m not sure, but putting this one together has in no doubt given me loads of ideas for other projects I wish to pursue. Keep in-touch, share your thoughts/comments drop me a line at cmalapitan@yahoo.com and enjoy the zine. All articles, illustrations, photos, collage & layout by Christopher Malapitan ©Christopher Malapitan www.1000eyed.com September 2006, Nicosia, CYPRUS
Fig.2
Fig.5
Fig.1
Fig.3
Fig.4
Fig.1
This is my bike. What s her name? Well, I bought her in the month of July, and thought I might as well called her July. Not a very bright name, I know. She s a Piaggio Hexagon 150 cc. Even though she sucks up a lot of gas, approx. CYP4.00 ($8.70) for a full tank, she s well worth the ride. She s so easy to drive and so comfortable cruising at 70kmph (43mph). Come to think of it, you don t need to drive faster than 70kmph anywhere in town. And talking about comfort, she s got a wide seat to prove it. Not only has it got a cool extendable back rest, but when it s pushed down into position it makes room for a second comfortable seat for your favourite passenger. The farthest I ve ever taken her is to Tamassos (21km south-west of Nicosia) but according to my mechanic, she d get farther if I wanted to no problem. I m sorry; I ve started to sound like a salesperson. No, I m not trying to sell you the scooter. I just thought to highlight some of its key features for you - that s all. But hey, how many scooters do you know of that has its very own built-in boot big enough for five grocery bags? It s big enough to hold two helmets - honest! OK, OK enough about how cool it is. Let me tell you what a pain in the ass it is! First of all, It has died on me several times. Enough times for me to almost drive it to Kotsiatis (dump site) and set it on fire. My mechanic would say, Didn t I tell you to get rid of that piece of shit?! What s wrong with it now?? He got
Fig.2
blow lights torch
indicator
colourful indicators battery fuel oil beer
oil starter
ugly key ring
oil level
flashy
fuel cap
Fig.3
tired of seeing my face all the time. Secondly, since its body is primarily made out of plastic, the paint has started to chip off. How embarrassing! Plus one of the rear indicators decided to crumble apart. Hence the big piece of tape on the side of the scooter that has now weathered into a stale yellowish colour. A friend suggested I use clear tape instead so that you wouldn t notice it. Good idea. Now why didn t I think of that? Another thing that annoys me is the bloody wind shield. It looked good when I first got it, but now it looks as though someone s poured acid on it so you can barely see through it. I haven t bothered replacing it since I m tall enough to look over the blurry thing.
Last point then I ll stop my bitching one of its silliest features is that it s got the tiniest tyres to go with its bulky body. I m just surprised the tyres haven t ripped off yet. You d think a mean looking scooter such as this one would have monster tyres right? Nope, not this one. You re probably wondering why I haven t gotten rid of yet? Well the thing is that how many scooters do you know of that has its very own built-in boot big enough to fit five grocery bags? It s big! You can t beat that now can you? For any other bike, I d have to install two top-cases (attachable boot) to equal what I got. So there you have it. That s my bike, July. extendable back rest
rust
comfy seat
Fig.5 Fig.4
passenger handle bars
Jaw Buster
Sniffer
c o l l e c t i o n Ladies and gentlemen, I m proud (ahem) to present to you my HELMET GLAM COLLECTION. Twenty odd ways of how one can wear a helmet or other head gear. I have purposely left a space for you at the end in-case you spot one I didn t capture. Just make sure you drop me a line so that I can update this fine database of helmet fashion. Thank you. Please note that the following drawings are based on actual observations made from the streets of Nicosia, CYPRUS. These are not, I repeat, not exaggerations I wouldn t be able to to come up with such creative options even if I tried. These people actually wear their helmets like this! Some people just don t bother reading the instruction manual before handling safety equipment.
Squeeze One (Part 1)
Waz Zat
Side Binder
Butt Head (Part 1)
Quackster
Squeeze One (Part 2)
Darth Spader
Wa Da Fu Kut It Dat?
Wanna Go Home
Double Wobble
Lower Butt Head
Snot Grinder
Stuffit
Noodle Rust
One Size Please
Lip Buster
Butt Head (Part 2)
Back Attack
Yesterday (24 May 2006) was the hottest day of the year so far, with inland temperatures exceeding 36 degrees Celsius, We a t h e r c h i e f K y r i a c o s Theofilou yesterday said that, temperatures are above average for the time of year, which are normally not more than 31 degrees. Doctors have in previous years warned people to take precautionary measures against the extreme heat... wear high factor sunscreen... wear a hat... Avoid drinks with caffeine & alcohol... Eat less food. Do not stay in the sun for longer than one hour... Source: www.cyprus-mail.com
... it really is TOO HOT TO SCOOT during the summer here in Cyprus. Phew! Today I made the biggest mistake of the year. I went out on my scooter at 12pm!! Ok, ok, let me explain to those of you who don t live on a rock where the sun burns your back like it were shining through a gigantic magnifying glass. If you go out in the middle of August at midday in Cyprus (especially in deserted Nicosia) you are
TOAST ROASTED BOILED FRIED
BROILED COOKED BAKED baby you are ROAST BEEF HQ1
you are a KENTUCKY FRIED BURNTHUMAN NUGGET!!!
You get the picture??
You can actually feel every seat pore in your body (yes, down there too!) burst and scream for its life. The air feels like its coming out of one of them industrial hairdryers they use to melt buses. I was stupid enough to wear my helmet too! Oh my lord! What a bigger mistake! Now I know what my roast turkey feels like just before Christmas dinner. Somebody carve me up! And my eyes! Oh my eyes! I had to squint throughout my journey because I thought the hot air would cook them to a crisp. No wonder why I have to keep on going to my optician once a year to get my eyeglasses realigned, they re getting bent in this heat. Ah, do me a favour and don t wear flip-flops when on a scooter. You re skin gets peeled off from the heat of car exhausts. Dare you drive past a bus where the exhaust faces you? You re smoked my friend! I now carry extra t-shirts (two to three) in my boot because I sweat like crazy. Mind you I think I should also pack extra pairs of underwear too. Ok, too many details. But seriously man, people actually die from this heat. The heat laughs at sun-tan lotion. Cream this sucka! You wanna cover up to protect yourself from the sun rays? Ha! Nice to meet you!
Y ouÂ’re possibly a master class motor scooter driver, one of those folks that take off pulling wheelies as soon as the traffic light turns green, fearless, ruthless, drink like a fish, live alone in a back house on the outskirts of some odd village eating dried pizza slices out of a Styrofoam box all day long, spending too many hours on your PlayStation, but on the manic packed streets of Nicosia trust me when I tell youÂ…
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We see them fly past us while we re slouched down in our cars at the traffic lights, we see them riding through heavy rain on flooded city streets, sometimes we don t even see them and accidentally knock them over, we open our front house doors to them, we find them out of breath running up to our offices. To deliver a package or a pizza is no easy task through these manic packed streets. If you can t beat them, join them. Probably that s why our delivery boys are the craziest roadsters that thrive off the city smog, risking their lives and toe nails to get that *&$% envelope to your door step. I met up with John Kolosides, a 22year-old Graphic Design student who used to work for a courier service and a pizzeria until he decided that he didn t want to die a vicious bus-slamming-car-doorsmashing-rain-slipping death. Here s a short interview with the gentleman.
What made you decide to choose this occupation and how long did you work as a delivery person? It was the only job I could find at the time. I later enjoyed the occupation and the money was pretty good. I was a delivery boy for three years How much does an average delivery person earn? If you delivery boy for a pizzeria, you could get anything from £2.00 ($4.50) to £3.00 ($6.70) an hour plus tips of-course. But if you work for a courier service, it all depends how fast you are and how many deliveries you make a day. Can anyone become a delivery person? No I don t think that anyone can do it! First of all, you must have adequate experience driving, controlling and handling a scooter. Second you have to be a bit crazy in order to drive fast between cars, but always alert. You can t keep looking right and left carelessly. You have to be extra careful else you d get seriously hurt. While working at a courier service, there was once a guy who was taking forever to deliver a single envelope. It turned out he was waiting behind cars at traffic lights. You can t do that! How would you best describe a typical day delivering food to customers? There isn t much to say really. You sit and wait around for clients to make an order. Once you get an order, you hit the road. What is it like riding a scooter through the streets of Nicosia? How do you feel when you drive? It s kinda cool to drive a scooter around the city because you avoid traffic, but personally there isn t a special feeling when I m driving except when I m in danger and that s when I get scared! Why do so many delivery people drive so recklessly on the streets? I don t think that they drive recklessly; I think that they re just in a hurry because on many occasions it depends on how fast the
client needs something to be delivered. As I mentioned earlier, the X number of deliveries equals the X amount of cash you get at the end of the day. Do you feel intimidated by other drivers on the road? I get intimidated by car drivers all the time because they hardly ever watch out for us scooter drivers. You can easily get killed out there. Every time I got on my scooter to make a delivery, I always thought that maybe it would be my last delivery. I ve had many accidents caused by the other drivers. Soon enough I got scared of it and quit the job. What are the worst conditions that you had to make a delivery? One day it rained so hard that I could barely see where I was going. My top speed was 30km/h. Anything faster than that and I would have had bullet-piercing rain drops hitting my face and I would have probably ended up falling off the bike, because the brakes were faulty. Slippery when wet for sure! Have you ever been in an accident? I ve had many accidents but I ll never forget this particular incident. Once one a delivery job I pulled my scooter s front brakes harder than I was supposed to and I fell off in front of the American Embassy. After 20 seconds I stood up and found my hands and knees bleeding so I asked for help at the embassy entrance but nobody could help me. So I found a water faucet, cleaned my self up and I went back to the office, dropped off the bike and went home. So much for help from the super power! Would you recommend this type of occupation to your friends? I wouldn t recommend this kind of job to a friend because it s too dangerous and not as easy as it looks.
h on a couc
I enjoy taking photos with my little digital camera. It s so handy... especially when you re on the look-out for any interesting scooter action. Nicosia is full of these little twowheelers. It s not difficult to find them at every corner, parked on every sidewalk, blocking some parking space, resting against a wall, driving the wrong way and in places you thought you wouldn t find one. Here s a small SCOOTALICIOUS collection of photos I ve taken this year. Enjoy!
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Now that I think of it, I should have titled this chapter Cyprus Bikers vs. Domestic Appliances . Well, I m sure you ll figure that out once you flip through the pages. What s a title anyways? Titles are just an excuse for me to draw out silly unconnected titles like the one above. Yeah, so I got the idea while I was at one of those boring meetings where you wonder why you were there in the first place. Anyways, I was doodling in my sketch book like I always do in boring meetings, and came up with this idea of mixing a washing machine with a chopper. No, I wasn t thinking of that chopper show on the television, but I was actually thinking of having sex on my washing machine. I have no idea how a chopper rider got on top of things. Guess it was one of those random ideas. Now don t ask me any further questions once you discover the other appliances that came to mind!
Yes, it s true, I do spend alot of time online. It s funny how you click on one thing, then find another two other interesting things to check out, then from there you find another three more and so on. It s never ending is it? Well, here are a few interesting links from my favourites that I d like to share with you. Enjoy!
CYPRUS FORUM Finally, a place where we can all meet and discuss two wheelers in Cyprus. Yes, there is a space reserved for us scooter lovers :) http://www.vancosport.com/forum VESPA MODS VIDS Some cool Vespa scooter modification videos. Check out those cool mirrors! I should mod up like that! http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=jimmylambretta SOOPA SCOOTA Wicked customized scooters! Now wouldn t you love a paint job like that? I know I would http://customscooters.tripod.com FOUR WHEEL SLICK Not scooter related, but a very cool 3D four-wheeler online game. Lovely cornering! http://www.shockwave.com/gamelanding/fourwheel fury.jsp#None VESPA VINTAGE a great vintage Vespa collection. Check ACMA T.A.P. http://vintagescooters.free.fr DID YOU KNOW... that the US military had used Vespa scooters in World War II to get around desperate Nazi defence tactics of destroying roads and bridges in the Dolomites (a section of of the Alps) and the Austrian border areas??? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vespa
SCOOTER MOVIE Cool! "Mondo Scooterama" is an upcoming movie about two rival scooter gangs. Synopsis: The once dominant scooter gang the Demons launch a fiendish plan to rebuild their declining membership. When the member of a rival scooter club falls for the girlfriend of the Demons leader, he finds himself ensnared in their plan. With the help of his friends he's rescued, and the Demons' plan is foiled. Loads of scooter in this flick! Check out the crew, cast, and photos of the movie http://www.mondoscooterama.com SEATLLE SCOOT CLUB Los Gatos Gordos Scooter Club of Seattle meets the second Monday of every month at The Honey Hole in Seattle, WA to chat/live about scooter. They also organise the odd rallys around town with their amigos. Some cool photos on their site. http://www.losgatosgordos.com See also: http://wussy.net ALL GIRL SCOOTER CLUB Started in 2001, the Seattle-based all girls Belladonnas Scooter club has ridden and participated in rallies in Vancouver, BC, Victoria, BC, Portland, Las Vegas, Tri-Cities WA, Idaho, and soon to be Denver! Motto: "Quit being a bitch and ride" These donnas kick ass! http://belladonnas.org Also check out http://www.girlbike.com
IS IT FAST ENOUGH? The eGo (aka. Helio Cycle 37) cycle has been designed for urban commuting. It is virtually silent, environmentally friendly, economical and supremely practical as an everyday supplement or replacement for the car or public transport. Yeah, but is it fast enough?? http://www.powerscoots.co.uk/acatalog/eG o.html See also: http://www.egovehicles.com WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS The Vectrix Electric Scooter has a top speed of 62mph, a range of up to 70 miles, and goes 0-60 in just under 8 seconds. The recharger plugs into a standard outlet and gets up to 80% charge in about two hours. http://www.treehugger.com/files/2005/03/v ectrix_electri_1.php DJ SCOOTER A DJ who goes by the name DJ Scooter. But does he ride a scooter? http://www.scooterdj.com SCOOT-TEES This is where Iﾂ値l be spending my next pay cheque. Yes, I love t-shirts too! http://www.cafepress.com/lekkerdesigns/52 0543 http://www.cafepress.com/scooterific/847812
SCOOTERMAN COMICS!!!! Scooterman - born scott r. Mann in 1965 in river city, usa. He is the son of one of the most famous scooter racers of all time, the late Lance Mann. http://www.scootermancomics.com PASSENGER LUXURY I love the GIPSY Scooter Sidecar, but Iﾂ知 not sure if it would look good on my scooter. http://www.armec.com/gipsy.html SCOOT PAGES Scoot! is a wicked 80-page all-color, quarterly magazine dedicated to the appreciation of vintage and modern motorscooters. And only $5.95!! http://www.scootquarterly.com
I wish I had a motor scooter I wish I didn t have to work hard So I could try scuba diving
- from Motor Scooter song by Irene Jackson
a collection of silly drawings, writings, photos and one worthless collage on the subject of motor scooter life in Cyprus by Christopher Malapitan
www
.1000eyed.com