opinion
February 18, 2010
campus controversies • letters to the editor
common culture
I
remember my first cell phone. It was one of those cheap, gray flip-jobs that Virgin Mobile had manufactured for poor kids like me. That phone was the first breath of true freedom I’d taken in my overprotective Catholic childhood. Shortly after I had gotten my phone and passed around my number, I became aware of this freedom’s dark side. Day and night for the past six years, I have been slowly inundated under an ever-growing sea of inane quips coming in at 160 characters or less. Commonly referred to as the text, these mini messages are the subject of the greatest ridicule and revilement. Newcomers to the texting game often don’t know how to play by its rules. Who can blame them? The rules of this brave new method of communication have never really been written down. It’s something one learns from experience and on the backs of friendships ruined by improper messaging. Don’t want your poor texting skills to be discussed behind your back? Then let your worries float away, for the Etownian is here to give you some of the basic rules of Texting Etiquette … or Textiquette, for short (or because we’re obnoxious). Below, you’ll find some of the most basic texting faux pas that you should try your best to avoid.
The Double Text
We’ve all been there. You get that buzzing in your pocket that lets you know you have a text. Hooray! Somebody cares! You read it, and it’s just your friend saying that dinner is at 5:30 or something. You put the phone back in your pocket, wishing it had been something a little more important. But then … there’s another vibration! Holy Christ, you’re popular tonight! You open your phone in a hurry. Maybe you even drop it because you’re shaking with anticipation. But then your phone’s screen reveals the awful truth: your friend just has a really twitchy trigger finger, and it’s a duplicate of that same message. You’re as unpopular and painfully alone as you’ve always been, and this is just a cruel reminder of it. Now all you can do is down a whole pint of Chunky Monkey, watch “Sleepless in Seattle” and cry — just to soften the pain of how untextable you are. Perhaps this example is a bit over-the-top, but, still — the polite texter sends each message only once so he can save his friends from similar heartbreak.
The Text that Just Says ‘K’
No, seriously — if I have to explain this any further to you, just drop your phone in Lake Placida and stop talking to people altogether. People who just say “K” are about as bad as the folks who hit “Reply All” and spam all of the College’s e-mail accounts. And these people are starting to get creative in their methods to fill our cell phones’ inboxes. Now, you’ll
send somebody what you assume to be the last text in a conversation, and five seconds later, they reply, “LOL.” Stuff like this only results in aggravated sighs and strained friendships. Seriously, my last message said “Okay, I’ll bring the coffee then,” and you replied “LOL.” Coffee is serious business! It is NOT funny! “LOL” has become this awkward placeholder phrase when you have nothing else to say. So folks, please … if a conversation has come to a satisfying end, don’t try to comment further.
Texting Someone Who is Literally RIGHT Next to You.
Don’t even try to act like it’s not painfully obvious. You and your friend are sitting quietly while conversation rages around you. You pull out your phone and type something really quick. Not an instant later, your friend pulls out her phone, laughs and types something in her phone. Then the cycle repeats ad nauseam … or until somebody smacks the two of you. People have lungs and vocal chords for a reason. For the love of God, use them. Okay, this particular sin is socially acceptable if y’all are sending judgmental messages about somebody who is nearby (though shame on you for judging). Also, if you’re conspiring against someone within 3 feet of you, then adjacent texting is perfectly fine … but whatever you’re planning had better be awesome.
Texts that Lack Proper Spelling and Grammar
Back in high school, one of my English teachers caught somebody texting in class and read it aloud. He couldn’t finish it, though, because 40 characters in he broke down crying. That’s how bad “textspeak” has become. C’mon guys, at least try to write
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national debate • our take • guest columns
romance column
Texting etiquette Peter S. Northrop Features Editor
the Etownian
After the thrill out whole words and have some semblance of sentence structure. We could at least pretend that we are not a generation of yokels, couldn’t we?
Texts that Span 14 Messages in Rapid Succession
So your professor in intro-towhatever was really awkward today. Maybe he did a string of unfortunate poses or said something vaguely sexual that made all the girls in the class cringe a little bit. Maybe then he realized his error, and his desperate attempts to cover up that awkwardness were even more uncomfortable. That’s kind of hilarious and all, but you really don’t need to tell me every single detail of this incredibly drawn out story over the winding course of 22 hurriedly written texts. Seriously, just call me already. The Texting Gods gave us 160 characters for a reason. Is my voice really that annoying, or do you just like having bloody thumbs?
Forwarding Chain Texts
Back in the day, e-mail used to be trendy and cool. Then our parents got a hold of it, and with that, our primitive inboxes were suddenly filled with chain messages threatening everything from losing our only chance at true love to an enormous solar flare wiping out all life on Earth if we didn’t send 15 copies of this message to our closest friends. Ever since then, e-mail has been more annoying than convenient. But then we got texting! And it, too, was trendy and cool for awhile, but now our parents have gotten a hold of it. Now, desperately bored housewives everywhere are sending inane chain texts to their children. Of course, some of those children are jerks and will text those messages to all of their friends just for the fun of it. I received my first chain text last week. It told me all my dreams would come true if I just wasted $8 worth of data fees by forwarding it to 20 people. Upon reading it I cried a single tear, for at that moment I came to the realization that nothing is sacred. No, I will not die or lose the love of my life by midnight tonight if I don’t forward this message to 15 of my friends. What will really happen is this: if you send me another one of these … I will stab you. Truth be told, we’ve only really touched the tip of the iceberg when it comes to those awkward texting moments that can botch up your day. To go over every rule of texting would require a lot more than this skimpy newspaper. Hopefully these meager guidelines will be enough to send you on your way to texting enlightenment. Image: Cellphonenews.com
Samantha T. Phillips Assistant Opinion Editor
J
ack was introduced to Diane at one of the infamous drunken orgies also known as the Saturday night SWEET dances. Jack wasn’t sure what it was that made this moment so specia — maybe the distinct perfume of vomit lingering in the air, or perhaps the layer of perspiration coating the linoleum floors. Whatever it was, something just felt right on that blustery February night. Father Destiny had led blind Cupid to the KÂV, and his golden arrow had pierced through Jack’s pink polo and straight into his thumping 20-something heart. Diane felt the same. She had gone to the dance hoping to grind up on a few drunk guys, but there was something special about this particular intoxicated hornball. She knew it from the moment he put his lips chillingly close to her ear and said, “I think we have Spanish together.” The next few months were chock-full of blissful infatuation. “The honeymoon period” definitely lived up to its title. Jack and Diane were inseparable, so much so that their friends gave them a celebrity couple surname: Dick. Jack found it absolutely charming that Diane sometimes talked out of the side of her mouth like Drew Barrymore (without the drug problem). He loved her striking green eyes, the way she flipped her hair every other second, and, most of all, he loved the way she made him feel, especially when she was sensually eating one of those cafeteria ice cream cones. “Thank God for Dining Services,” he’d whisper to himself while he tucked “his feelings” beneath his belt. Diane looked at Jack as if he were the closest thing she’d ever get to Noah from “The Notebook.” She secretly wished that she would develop severe Alzheimer’s so he would spend every day of his adult life re-telling her the story of their love. But, for now, he was young and handsome, and she relished in every bit of his attention. She would stare lovingly at him for hours on end, giggling every time he would belch and blow his beer breath in her face. Diane loved the way Jack told her stories of drunken adventures, like the time he woke up in front of Founders in a pile of crusted vomit and old cigarette butts. It was heaven for the first few months. But, inevitably, time passes. After the infatuation had subsided, both Jack and Diane found themselves in what Dr. Phil would call “a rut.” Suddenly, all of those little things that they had once found so endearing became irritating. When Diane talked out of the side of her mouth, Jack was now reminded of Stephen Hawking instead of Drew Barrymore, and the color of her eyes looked more like puke green than emerald. Every time she flipped her hair he wanted to gouge his eyes out with her Hello Kitty pencil. The ice cream cone thing was still hot, though. Similarly, Jack began to resemble Noah less and less to Diane. He never rowed her out into a lake full of swans or built her dream house when he was tortured by her absence. This wasn’t what she had signed up for. She wanted Leo DiCaprio, not Dog the Bounty Hunter. If she had to hear about how many beer bongs he could do in the span of 20 minutes one more time, she was going to gouge her eyes out with her Hello Kitty pencil. The question is: do you throw away love with yesterday’s trash when the little things start to get you down? Or do you learn to accept that no one is perfect and look past the small annoyances? I think sometimes you have to remember that love is a rare bird. When you cage it, it can keep you up at night with its incessant squawking, but it’s so damn beautiful that you can’t bring yourself to slip some poison in its water dish. In the end, it’s about teaching yourself to sleep through the noise.
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opinion
the Etownian
d n u
S o Off
If you could build anything out of the snow what would it be? by S. Alexandra Ward
Name: Jenell Abram Class of: 2013 “A huge slide leading to an underground fort!”
Name: Derek Shive Class of: 2013 “A car!”
February 18, 2010
campus controversy
Alcohol policy stifles responsible drinking Jonathan S. Gamble Staff Writer
who already pay an exorbitant amount for tuition, room and board. The drinking habits of the majority of students show that they depart from this ideology. It disregards our rights, insults our ccording to our student handbook, Elizabethtown College’s sense of personal responsibility and imposes an ethical dogma regulations attempting to govern students’ use of alcohol are passively and unnecessarily. Creating these attitudes among students will only obstruct intended to cultivate a social environment that promotes sound judgment, respect for others’ rights and personal responsibility for a healthy social atmosphere. Furthermore, the policy has comone’s behavior. Ironically, some of these very regulations have cre- pounded the very behavior College officials wish to eradicate by ated obstacles to achieving such an environment. In part, this stems imbuing the act of drinking with a greater sense of rebelliousness. from an ideological difference between students and administrators. Social divisions have also been aggravated by these policies. One Given how these policies are written and enforced, it is obvious regulation reads, “Any student, regardless of age, who is present where an alcohol and/or drug violation is occurring will be the College believes that, ideally, abstinence from drinking considered equally in violation.” How is the College supporting is the best way to achieve a healthy social atmosphere. The individuals who choose to abstain from alcohol if they seek to handbook reads, “The College supports those individuals isolate them from the rest of the student body? who choose to abstain from consuming alcohol ... [and] Starving these students of the already underdeveloped encourages all students to consider carefully the potential social life available on and off campus simply means there dangers of alcohol consumption ...” will be less of them, and their behavior will not rub off Furthermore, their support of individuals who choose to onto anyone else — which I assume is not what the Collive a different-but-sensible lifestyle is not declared and thus lege wants. The regulation only propagates the negative comes across as a matter of obligation instead of active qualities typical of abstainers: snobbery, self-imposed engagement. Very little is done on campus to encourage persecution and insecurity. responsible drinking when compared to how much efReligious language also emanates from the regufort is made to halt it altogether. The language not only lations, including Good Samaritan and forgiveness implies that we are incapable of drinking responsibly, but clauses, the latter of which reads, “Points carry over that responsible drinking does not exist because alcohol in from semester to semester and year to year until forgiveand of itself is a substance from which no good can come. ness begins.” Infusing religion into the alcohol policy to Regarding enforcement, the handbook explicitly states serve as a deterrent and casting the act of drinking as that College officials may enter a room for visual inspecsacrilegious does not demonstrate sound judgment. Do tion if they have reasonable suspicion of excessive quantiadministrators think students are as easily tripped on ties of alcohol. If that reasonable suspicion is affirmed, then guilt as we are on shots? “a more thorough administrative inspection warranting a Furthermore, some people believe that the man who search and seizure of the student’s residence and per- Image: Imageshack.us inspired Christianity adopted a more liberal policy sonal belongings ... may be conducted only by a College official with specific authorization from the Dean of College Life.” regarding “intoxicants.” Jesus said, “It’s not what goes into your Over the years, many students have reported to Residence Life mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out and the Office of Student Rights and Responsibilities that College of your mouth” (Matthew 15:11). I suggest that whoever wrote the current policy was binging on officials have violated these restrictions either by entering with unreasonable suspicion, not demonstrating that they have obtained a more harmful substance: naiveté. No doubt there are a lot of imauthorization from the Dean, or conducting the visual and physical mature consumers out there. Some people don’t have the personality search of students’ personal possessions simultaneously. College or self-control necessary to handle drinking responsibly. It is very officials who have violated students’ right to privacy as granted in possible, if not likely, that a 15-year-old who grew up in France the handbook should be reprimanded, and any damages or costs can manage his or her consumption habits better than a 21-yearincurred by students and their belongings should be reimbursed, old American. Why is that? Policies around the United States, like the ones at our College, portray alcohol as an inherent vice. It has regardless of their illegality. However, no such measures have been taken or included in the become this inflated rebellious activity for American youths and handbook, and the reports have been all but ignored. It seems that adults instead of a controlled hobby or treat that supplements the College officials are drunk on an abstinence that includes hypocrisy, enjoyment of something else. Any policy that is written or practiced condescension and robbery. I would be curious to discover how to show the student body how much the College does not want many thousands of dollars worth of alcohol and paraphernalia them drinking will only have the adverse effect. “Don’t trust da police, no justice, no peace.” – Officer Slater College officials have confiscated from their 21-or-older customers
A
in the nation
Dropout success: passion opens doors Name: Jaime Thurmond Class of: 2013 “A really big snow man.”
Name: Brad Eargle Class of: 2010 “A snow fort, Da!” Make sure to check out the Sound Off poll and the opportunity to comment on articles on our Web site: www.etownian.com
David M. Gerhart Staff Writer
C
an a high school dropout be successful in this world today? Yes, you can be very successful as a high school dropout — if you know how to play the system. There are so many people in our society today who are doing incredibly well without a high school diploma. Brad Burke, director of Rice University’s Rice Alliance for Technology and Entrepreneurship, said to Forbes Magazine, “Investors really look at the person and the quality of his or her idea more than their experience.” If you have a good knowledge and understanding of the field you are looking to pursue, the creativity to come up with good products or ideas, and the financial backing, there is no need for a complete high school education. There is a slew of very successful celebrities who never finished their schooling, such as Simon Cowell, Jay-Z and George
Foreman, to name a few. While they have figured out how to take their knowledge and passions to the highest level and become stars, the average layperson can do very well without finishing the standard four-year high school experience. The jobs that are the easiest to get as a high school dropout are often technology related, and having grown up in the age of technology, today’s youth are learning the programs and equipment faster than ever. They are quickly becoming the creators, repairmen and idea men in this day and age. Take, for example, iPhone applications. My roommate recently got himself an iPhone, and he has begun to do a lot of research on apps and their creators. One day, while taking a break from work, he started to explain to me that it is the pre-teen and young adult generations that have been taking the apps front by storm. This just goes to show that technology is the future of our country, and America’s youth are already well equipped to handle this industry. My advice for those who feel that high
school just isn’t for them but don’t know the computer world inside out is to take hobbies or passions and really get to know those fields. Like Burke said, it’s the ideas and knowledge of a field that financial backers and employers look for. The real kicker here comes down to the fields you are looking to get into. Yes, it is very easy for a high school dropout to get hired as a mechanic, a construction worker, or basically any kind of a physical labor job or technical job (provided one already has the knowledge and feel for those fields). But if you are looking to get straight into a management or ownership position, think again. To become successful in management or running a business, you have to work your way up the ladder — starting at the bottom, learning and working and understanding what it takes to start, run and grow a business. Know your hobbies and passions insideout. If high school isn’t the place for you, you never know where the hobbies might take you.
opinion
February 18, 2010
the Etownian
on campus
Snow removal efforts yield varying results
Elizabeth A. Shea Staff Writer
O
ver the past week, the Elizabethtown College campus and surrounding areas have seen unprecedented amounts of snowfall over a short period of time. Although other areas, such as Baltimore, experienced the worst of the storm, our campus felt the strong presence of the wintry blast. The advance warning was an attempt to allow areas to fully prepare so that snow removal could b e ef fe c t ively organize d. However, the campus snow removal did not seem to be very well executed, despite best intentions. Some of this was due to the fact that this area is not used to receiving such a large amount of snow so quickly. This does not change the fact that moving around campus Saturday, Feb. 6, was very difficult for the students who needed to get to the BSC and other buildings across campus. Plows were out and moving Friday night, which seemed like a promising sign that the paths would be cleared by Saturday morning. However, the snow continued to fall at a constant pace, and the snow removal crew was not able to keep up with the rate of accumulation. Venturing out Saturday was treacherous, and although many could avoid it until the paths were clearer, some students were responsible for showing up
Thumbs up...
...Thumbs down
Craig H. Meaney
to work for Dining Services, which cannot close. Most of these students and some full-time workers made their way through the snow, but the paths were extremely slippery. By the end of the day, the paths had been cleared and many students were out enjoying the snow, but the amount of salt that was distributed to the paths was not enough to counteract the ice and slush on the sidewalks.
Wednesday, the amount of work being put forth was evident. It became clear that the weather conditions were making it fruitless for the crew to keep removing snow only to have it blow back onto paths that had just been cleared. The major snow removal problem on Wednesday, however, was the fact that not all of the paths to the dorms were cleared. The path to Founders A remained untouched until about three in the afternoon, while all other dorm paths had been at least partially cleared. Also, sophomore Emily Ulrich stated that when giving a tour Friday, the sidewalk in front of Schlosser was still mostly unshoveled and slushy. A mother on the tour was extremely nervous about falling, especially since she had experienced a serious fall only months before and feared that she might reinjure herself. Overall, the snow removal crew seemed to have the best intentions when it Photo: Melanie R. Giardina came to making the campus accessible. Also, by the After the first experience with the snow, time the second snowfall hit, it seemed it seemed that Wednesday’s snow removal that the crew was more prepared as to was much more effectively organized. what to expect, and they much more efCollege officials, realizing the severity of fectively cleared the paths. However, the the coming blizzard, made an excellent major complaint was regarding the paths. choice to cancel classes for the two days Despite the fact that they had been cleared, necessary to make the campus safe to conditions were often very slippery, which travel. Although students stated that the in the future can easily be remedied with snow was not removed fast enough on the distribution of more salt.
Thumbs Up
The United States - for being voted the “best looking nation” in a poll of 5,000 Britons. Thumbs down to www.OnePoll.com for performing such a superficial study. Iowa Board of Pharmacy - for voting unanimously to classify marijuana as a Schedule II drug, urging legislators to allow it for medical use. Tiger Woods - for arranging a speech Friday, Feb. 19, to apologize for poor behavior that has cost him personally and professionally. The speech will begin at 10 a.m. at TPC Sawgrass in Post Vedra Beach, Fla., where the PGA tour is held. This is Woods’ first public speech since his SUV accident in November.
Opinion Editor
Images: Wordpress.com
Thumbs Down
Public Schools - for forcing students to sign a “dance contract” that forbids grinding and risqué dress. According to www.msnbc.com, public schools across the nation are taking measures to prohibit “inappropriate dance.” While California schools such as Downey High School and Aliso Niguel High School ask students to sign contracts, other schools such as Minnetonka High in Minnesota are creating campaigns (“Dance Like Grandma’s Watchin’”) to deter the behavior. High-tech industry - for failing to realize that rare earth elements used in products are, in fact, rare. According to Yahoo news, U.S. companies rely on China for mining or processing the elements europium, neodymium and lanthanum, which are necessary in the production of wind turbines, hybrid cars, and LED lights, respectively.
Have an opinion? The Etownian values and solicits the ideas of its audience. Have something you want to share? Send submissions of 500 words or more to OPINby Jill Hugus IONEDITOR@etown.edu.
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the Etownian the board
Editor-in-Chief Aimée M. DiMichele Managing Editor Aidan E. Bauernschmidt Assistant Editor Emily M. Reigart News Editor Rachel A. Marsteller Features Editor Peter S. Northrop Campus Life Editor Joelle E. Atkinson Opinion Editor Craig H. Meaney Sports Editor Sara E. Crimmel Copy Editor Patricia A. Cangelosi Photography Editor Melanie R. Giardina Layout Editor Matthew A. Wagener Online Editor Zachary T. Johnson Assistant News Editor Khouri E. McGrann Assistant Features Editor Rachel L. Jesten Asst. Campus Life Editor Ross M. Benincasa Assistant Opinion Editor Samantha T. Phillips Assistant Sports Editor Janna M. Richards Assistant Copy Editors Samantha M. Alleman Katherine E. Blackman Nancy C. Briscoe T. Gavin Nevill Leigh N. Ontiveros Asst. Photography Editor S. Alexandra Ward Assistant Layout Editor Huntley C. McGowan Assistant Online Editor Andrew R. Sides Business Manager Brittny E. McLaughlin Asst. Business Manager Marc C. Weber Advertising Manager Katie L. Bornholdt Asst. Advertising Manager Jennifer R. Malik Faculty Adviser Kirsten A. Johnson The Etownian is the student newspaper of Elizabethtown College. All editorial decisions are made by the student editors. With the exception of editorials, opinions presented here are those of quoted sources or signed authors, not of the Etownian or the College. The Etownian is published most Thursdays during the academic year by Susquehanna Printing. Submissions to the Etownian are always welcomed. We will make every effort to print submissions, but we do not promise publication. Submissions may be printed anonymously at the discretion of the editor. Submit letters to EDITOR@etown.edu.
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