7 minute read
cptsd.hope
Photo Eliza Jade Photography @elizajade, @chasingcaseclothing
Being mentally well and healthy is important for every person. And yet it is something that is often taken for granted, or worse stigmatised and misunderstood. In the Illawarra, there are many incredible organisations and not-for-profit initiatives supporting those in need, but there’s no hiding that many still suffer in silence.
Everyone has a role to play in protecting and fostering good mental health in the community, and since 2018, 33-year-old single mother-oftwo, teacher, writer and mental health advocate, Jessica Lowe from Thirroul has been using her voice to effect change, provide education, and instil hope by bravely detailing her own, often tumultuous, road to recovery. After being diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, Jessica created Instagram page @ctpsd.hope at a time in her life when she was searching for a community of trauma survivors to lean into. The platform immediately gathered a huge following because it was so needed by many – a now cherished space where important information, support, despair and joy are offered in equal measure.
“I created what I needed myself,” she says. “A place to gain education and hear another survivor’s story that might just provide the hope that could save a life.”
Here Jess generously shares her personal story of trauma, healing and hope to encourage real conversation around mental wellbeing, and help others feel less alone…
Can you explain what complex trauma/ CPTSD is? CPTSD is short for complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Complex PTSD is a condition that can occur after prolonged and repeated trauma, particularly in the childhood developmental years due to child abuse or domestic violence. Complex trauma is different to the single event trauma that can lead to PTSD. It is ongoing and often relationally acquired through abusive caregivers, violent longterm relationships or in cases of being a prisoner of war. These dynamics create a situation where a child or person is living under constant threat with no ability to escape. As a result, the brain is wired very differently to people without these experiences and causes significant relational and emotional barriers as well as an impaired sense of self, physical health issues, due to chronic stress and nervous system dysfunction, and greatly increases the risk of unemployment, addictions, risky behaviours and suicide.
How did this present itself for you? I have always lived with high levels of anxiety, stress, insomnia and flashbacks, but because it’s always been a part of my life, I didn’t know it was an issue – it was my normal. Being quite vulnerable and in need of a support system, I joined the Pentecostal church when I was 21, and in hindsight, I latched onto the institution to provide me with some kind of hope and guidance. The patriarchal culture and pressure of that environment triggered my body into remembering the stress and threat of my childhood experiences. I started to become disordered and obsessive in my eating and developed severe anxiety, which then turned into a 10-month resurfacing of my trauma. My body remembered everything, and I had no control over my mind. I wanted to end my life just to stop it. Psychologists did not know what to do with me and I thought I was going crazy. I was extremely lucky to have a close friend who is a psychiatrist, Dr Karen Williams. She specialises in complex trauma and helped me understand what was going on. Dr Mark Melek from Village Practice in Woonona was also the person who helped me recover. He is a phenomenal doctor. I got out of the church and began a hard road to recovery.
What prompted you to set up you Instagram page, @cptsd.hope? I remember feeling so alone and so terrified when my trauma symptoms came up. I didn’t understand anything that was happening to me. What was worse was that nobody around me had an explanation – not even health professionals. If I hadn’t gained access to trauma-informed care I don’t think I would have survived that time. This model of care is still very new in Australia and research in the complex trauma arena is still making its way into the health professions. Social workers are generally far more educated on the ways complex trauma impacts individuals than healthcare workers are. It’s not good enough. I’m a high school English and history teacher, so I’m passionate about education. I also have a background in copywriting and ghost writing so I decided to put my skills and experience together and create an Instagram page for other adult survivors of childhood trauma.
What has the reaction to the page been since you first started? My page grew to 10k followers in a year and is now sitting at almost 15k. I receive constant messages from people all over the world who are now seeking traumainformed care and understand the ways their adverse childhood experiences have affected their adult life. But the most constant message I get is: “You have made me feel normal”.
What do you hope the platform achieves? I want to create high-quality survivor-to-survivor education online, including books and resources that promote awareness, recovery and hope for adult survivors of childhood trauma and people who have been diagnosed with CPTSD.
Have you had any training in the mental health education field? I was studying a Masters of Mental Health but decided to withdraw as I wanted to specialise in the topic of trauma and it just wasn’t covered. I have studied Trauma Informed Care & Practice and was lucky enough to do Bessel Van Der Kolk’s (he discovered CPTSD) trauma neurobiology workshop before the pandemic. The rest is reading complex trauma literature and drawing from life experience living with CPTSD.
What are a few things that you believe are misunderstood about CPTSD? The whole idea that everyone is in charge of their own thinking and emotions is completely torn to shreds once you understand complex trauma neurobiology. People with CPTSD and complex trauma cannot regulate their emotions or engage successfully with cognitive behavioural therapies like people who do not have complex trauma. CPTSD doesn’t just affect people from low socioeconomic backgrounds. Wherever you will find domestic violence or childhood abuse, you will find CPTSD.
Do you have any daily rituals of self-care – what are some of the things you do to help heal? I am a regular at Coal Coast Fitness in Bulli. Strength training is my number-one mental health drug. I also love Brazillian Jiu Jitsu – it’s trained me to be brave against feelings of restriction, and also to fight back. I have limited my social circle to the kinds of friends who are ‘empathetic witnesses’ and invest a lot into those friendships. I walk and talk with friends regularly. I’m also part of a support group for women recovering from trauma and abuse with local initiative, The Eve Project. I engage in regular trauma therapy and anti-depressants have been life-changing for me.
What more should be being done to help people suffering from mental illness and trauma? I believe it should be mandatory that anyone who works as a frontline healthcare worker or anyone who works in the justice system, including police, to be trained in traumainformed care and practice. Also, complex trauma has no official funding for recovery. If I am a veteran in this country and have PTSD I can gain access to an array of free treatments, services and medications. However, if the war was in our own home as a child we are not given these same benefits.They are desperately needed.
At a local level, do you feel there is enough support offered in the Illawarra – do you have any recommendations for survivors looking for somewhere to turn in crisis? The Illawarra Women’s Health Centre is an amazing service and has been lobbying for funding for a trauma centre to provide ongoing lifelong recovery services for victims of domestic violence and the children that have grown up in these homes. The government rejected the funding, but I am hopeful that this will get off the ground as Australia’s first recovery centre of its kind. The Eve Project is another a phenomenal local initiative helping women recovering from trauma and abuse. They are doing incredible things locally. Talk 2 Me Bro in Wollongong is also one of the most phenomenal networks that is doing brilliant work in preventing men’s suicide. The retreats they do with men are using trauma-informed approaches. I have some incredible friends from Talk 2 Me Bro and am so proud we have something like this for men locally.
How important is continuing the conversation around mental wellbeing and reducing the stigma attached to it? Stigma around mental health has no place in our society. We all have to care for and nurture our mental health, just as we do our physical health, and we all have trauma to varying degrees. Rather than judging, we should be leaning into one another with curiosity and empathy. The most important aspect of trauma recovery is finally experiencing an empathetic witness to our pain. Everyone deserves that. Stigma only isolates and denies the opportunity to heal.
For more, follow @cptsd.hope
Where to get help
LIFELINE SOUTH COAST 13 11 14 lifelinesouthcoast.org.au
THE EVE PROJECT theeveproject.org.au
THE ILLAWARRA WOMEN’S HEALTH CENTRE womenshealthcentre.com.au
NSW DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 24HR HOTLINE 1800 656 463
TALK 2 ME BRO talk2mebro.org.au
KIDS HELPLINE 1800 551 800
