A date with history

By Paul Kandarian

Ordinarily, this being February and all, the month with 28 days that feel like 2,800 because hey, it’s New England winter, we would ordinarily be floundering in the seasonal doldrums, feeling morose and dark and depressed because hey, it’s New England winter.

But hey, it’s a new day, a new dawn, with a new administration not hellbent on destroying a democracy it’s taken us 244 years to build, the ugly invasion of the U.S. Capitol in January by thugs pretending to be patriots notwithstanding.

So I thought it would be fun to take a look back at choice February dates in US history (thank you Historynet.com) and adding a humorous twist because what else ya gonna do in New England winter?

Feb. 1, 1861: A furious Gov. Sam Houston storms out of a legislative session after hearing Texas voted 167-7 to secede from the Union. Needless to say, that didn’t work out and Texas now is the biggest producer of oil, cattle, sheep, and loud, obnoxious football fans.

Feb. 1, 1907: Secretary of State John Hay protests Russian privileges in China as a violation of the “open door policy,” predating the most current impeached president’s offering Russia an open-door policy into the U.S. government.

Feb. 2, 1870: Press agencies Havas, Reuter, and Wolff sign an agreement whereby between them they can cover the whole world. More than a century later, Google, Facebook, Twitter, and multidirectional informational confusion in general does the same thing.

Feb. 5, 1788: Massachusetts becomes the sixth state to ratify the Constitution. Centuries later, the state becomes New England’s most wicked cool place and home to packies, rotaries, Dunks, bubblahs, Ben and Matt, and bangin’ Ueys, you gawta a f’n prawblem widdat? Do ya?

Feb. 13, 1936: The first Social Security checks are put into the mail, thus giving rise to the American tradition of shuffling old people clogging up bank lines not knowing what direct deposit is or trusting it if they do.

Feb. 22, 1819: Spain signs a treaty with the United States ceding eastern Florida. The US sincerely regrets that decision and wishes to cede it back.

Feb. 20, 1864: At the battle of Olustee, Florida, Confederate troops defeat a Union army sent to bring Florida into the Union. The Union continues to regret any decisions that has led to the “Florida Man” phenomena.

Feb. 22, 1902: A fistfight breaks out in the U.S. Senate as Sen. Benjamin Tillman suffers a bloody nose for accusing Sen. John McLaurin of bias on the Philippine tariff issue. In 2021, thuggish insurrectionists at the Capitol building say “Hold my beer.” Literally.

Feb. 22, 1909: The Great White Fleet returns to Norfolk, Virginia, from an around-theworld show of naval power. Today, the Great White Fleet refers to the richest 1-percent and their around-the-world show of financial power.

Feb. 22, 1935: Plane flights over the White House are barred because they’re disturbing President Roosevelt’s sleep. Eighty-plus years later, the same rule applied to Mar-a-Lago and other presidential retreats where you-know-who spent most of his time.

Feb. 24, 1821: Mexico gains independence from Spain. Which still refuses to take Florida back. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Feb. 26, 1973: A publisher and ten reporters are subpoenaed to testify on Watergate, a comparatively more quaint and gentler era of presidential corruption and criminality.

Feb. 28, 1924: U.S. troops are sent to Honduras to protect American interests during an election conflict. In 2020, Honduras offers to send troops to the U.S. during its election conflict. The U.S. says fine, but only if you take Florida in trade. Honduras laughs and refuses.

Feb. 29, 1952: The first pedestrian “Walk/Don’t Walk” signs are installed at 44th Street and Broadway at Times Square in New York City. Jaywalking immediately becomes an Olympic sport in that city.

Feb. 14, 1957: The Georgia state senate outlaws interracial athletics. But in 2018, Stacey Abrams narrowly loses the governor’s race in Georgia – the first Black woman in the country to be a major party’s gubernatorial nominee – and in 2021, Rev. Raphael Warnock beats Sen. Kelly Loeffler, becoming the first African American Democrat elected to the Senate from the South. Ya see, Florida, there is hope.

Feb. 29, 1940: Hattie McDaniel is the first African American to win an Academy Award, best supporting actress, for “Gone With the Wind.” There have been just 19 African Americans earning Oscars in acting categories since the awards began in 1929, out of more than 350 acting trophies handed out in that time. And there is absolutely nothing funny about that.