6 minute read
Just keep breathing
As I write this, we’re in the muddling midst of a pandemic, the coronavirus, people are hunkering down, self-isolated, quarantining. No doubt that we are in the middle of one of the scariest times we have ever or will ever experience. And I feel guilty saying this, but I’m glad my parents died several years ago because they would never have survived.
But now I’m in that age bracket of vastly increased susceptibility to succumbing to the virus if I get it, comforted by the fact I don’t have an immune deficiency issue, am in good health, and that most of those who do get it recover.
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As of this writing, and depending where you look, the odds of dying from the virus run from 1.5 percent to 3.5 percent. That’s worth noting.
But on the flip side that means 98.5 percent to 96.5 percent do not. That is more worth noting.
And that’s because while the disease is scary and we should take every precaution we can, being fearful does not mean living in fear. Everything’s changed, it has, it will, it may forever. But we cannot live in fear. Stress springs from fear and stress is the leading cause of heart disease.
This is not an entreaty to be fearless, to live your normal life; nothing about life as of today and likely months to come, is normal. There will be a new normal we’ll have to adjust to. And we will.
This is just an entreaty to be good to your soul, your mind, yourself, your core. There is no cure for fear, but there are ways to mitigate it, which by the time you read this, you’ll all likely have seen many times. But my favorites: 1. Do NOT embrace the fear or let it embrace you. Repeat as needed 2. Do not live on social media, and if you do (guilty for the most part), do not believe every damn thing you see. Vet them, type in whatever is being pushed as true and
Paul Kandarian
verify, verify, verify through reputable news or governmental or medical sites. Far too often, people just repost crap because they find it interesting or fitting their beliefs (guilty, but NOT very often). Verify. Verify. Verify. 3. Get help. I am. Therapy works, counseling helps, talking is essential, and no one listens better and can cut through the fog of emotions like a counselor. As of this writing (an essential phrase itself in these everchanging times), I do it virtually. Everyone does. I’ve gotten therapy before, in those golden years of human contact, and will again, and it is so helpful. Be unafraid of that, don’t judge yourself for it if you think it’s a sign of weakness. Quite the opposite – getting help is a sign of strength and is empowering.
4. Along those lines, cry. Cry as needed, often or not, but it’s cathartic. I’m mostly Italian, and we cry if the pasta’s not al dente. But seriously, I’ve just often cried for no apparent reason lately, realizing later there is a reason. The pandemic is reason enough, the stress of that, the overpowering negativity. Crying is a release. Release is a good thing. 5. Meditate. Like many, I long thought myself incapable of this, because I erroneously thought you had to clear your mind. You cannot, no one has a completely clear mind (resisting political jibes here). It’s not possible. So you breathe, in, out, in, out, in through the nose deeply, out through the mouth like blowing up a balloon, repeat, repeat, repeat, and focus on that. When stray thoughts enter (they always will, it’s a given), acknowledge them and refocus on breathing. I’m just beginning this myself but as of this writing (I’m starting to hate that phrase but it works), it’s helping immeasurably. Just breathing deeply slows down the heart, reduces the stress, mitigates the fear. Try it; breathing requires no special training, after all. 6. Laugh. For the love of whatever, laugh, laugh, laugh. Humor may not be the best actual medicine (a vaccine would be right about now), but boy, it’s so helpful. Someone on Facebook posted a virus joke (yes, it’s possible!) that was funny, and someone else went off on it saying, “These are dark and uncertain times, and it’s not a time for humor.” Seriously? It is the best time for humor. Lighten up (see number 1). 7. Ignore the Virus Police. There are so many, too many of them out there – people who on social media respond to anyone setting foot outside for so much as a walk in fresh air that they’re in essence killing people. I’ve seen that, you’ve seen that, the self-appointed, self-quarantining, selfrighteous who, though well-intended, are a major pain in the ass. These are also the people with major humor deficiency 8. Shut. The. Damn. News. Off. Get the info you need and watch a movie. 24/7/365 bombardment of bad news will screw you up. 9. Be grateful. Hard these days maybe, but there are so many things to be grateful for, a good meal, a nice walk, a funny joke, finding a fiver in your pocket you forgot about, running across toilet paper in a store, the smile of a child or grandchild in real time or FaceTime. Be. Forever. Grateful. It will reward your soul.
FDR famously said after Pearl Harbor, “let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”
Be well, people. And don’t forget to just be.
Paul Kandarian is a lifelong area resident and, since 1982, has been a profession writer, columnist, and contributor in national magazines, websites, and other publications.
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