the sprog, the dog whistle and insider hi-jinks

We called the turbo-prop Viscounts, ”Dog Whistles”, so named for their ability to convert jet fuel into noise; a high pitched, teeth gritting whine well above the audible frequency that drives dogs and cats and rats and even humans into frenzied acoustic shock. Pilots would often tell flight attendants that at least turbine engines unlike them, stopped whining at shut down. No need for flight attendants to get their knickers in a knot because truth be told it was usually the flight attendants that had the last laugh. They, after all, were the last people to handle the pilots’ food and drink before it went down their gullets. Woe betide any mean spirited pilots who thoughtlessly or otherwise humiliated their fellow shipmates for it provided means, motive and opportunity for ugly retaliation.

in the mid to late sixties on an upswing in the never-ending cycle of good years and bad in the industry there was best seat in the house a hiring frenzy. it produced a new youthful image to the airline. it also resulted in a plethora of pilot promotions from First Officer to Captain. Some of the, “older”, flight attendants now had a chance to harass some of the new front-end sprogs. The normal routine on short-haul Viscount flights was for the flight attendants to come up front to the cockpit, if they weren’t already standing there for the take-off, oops; to take coffee, tea or milk orders as soon as the wheels had safely thumped onto the up-locks. This was nothing in the way of deferential or preferential treatment for pilots, rather the flight attendants wisely learned to take care of the pilots first so that they would not be interrupted with a cockpit request half way through their meal service. Coffee was usually the beverage of choice as it was on this particular morning on a flight under the command of a particularly babyfaced newly promoted captain. Although lithe and slim he had cute little chubby cheeks that would have done the, Gerber baby food commercials proud. Much to the sprog Captain’s chagrin the flight attendant first handed the right-seater his coffee careful so as not to spill any on the radio console, then with much exaggerated aplomb presented the Captain with a baby-bottle filled with milk, topped with a rubber nipple on a tray that also contained a diaper. These frivolities were not uncommon with flight crews and the back of the bus cabin attendants but such interplay was always performed beyond the view of passengers...well almost always. The authoritarian hierarchy of crew behaviour was changing for the better to a more vibrant sharing of mutual respect by pilots and flight attendants...a view not shared by management nor by some older pilots. The facts are that a couple of flight attendants known as Flash and Fumbles carried these pranks over to the passengers...just like Southwest airlines and later WestJet did in later years. it put passengers at ease, but Flash and Fumbles were nearly fired... passenger service management didn’t realize times were changing.

Editor's note to the formal portrait: The young "sprog" became a full captain on the Vickers Viscount. We can't imagine him not being a participant in the various hi-jinks that went on between crew members.

Back in the Viscount days flight crews got to know the air-side, ground staff on a first name basis, especially at the smaller stations that they regularly flew into. it’s a small wonder then, that ground crews were often co-opted into some of the high jinks. Sometimes the pilots, when boarding an originating flight, would find mini-skirted flight attendants tucked up in the overhead baggage racks. in the bad old days aircraft designers and operators for some reason failed to understand that items of carry-on baggage could become deadly, misguided missiles in turbulence. So the baggage racks were built like the ones on buses, with no doors to keep the stuff contained. A Viscount baggage rack could hold several average sized flight attendants quite handily. imagine the surprise of the first boarding passenger when an elegant hand reached down from seemingly nowhere to take the boarding pass. The pilots, enthusiastically aroused with the thrill of having to get them down, never really concerned themselves about how the flight attendants got up there in the first place. it was never recorded if a male flight attendant was ever put in a Viscount overhead rack or if the pilots or indeed anyone else ever helped one down. Now, thinking about it, how did those ladies get up there anyway, who put them there, how and why?

Flying Viscounts in summer could be quite uncomfortable. The air conditioning system was not very efficient on short hops so some of the crews, once in the airplane, would doff their uniform pants, or trousers if you pre- fer, don shorts and hang their pants on hangers stuck through the webbing of the forward cargo compartment opposite the hydraulic cupboard. Summer shorts for men in the late sixties were unusually tacky with brightly coloured patterns; a kind of fashion sense gone wild. Some were worn indecently short unlike the de rigueur droopy drawers of today. Naturally during short turn-a-rounds pilots togged out in shorts stayed on board out of public view. They would often open the cockpit windows, slouch in their seats, loll in the resulting cool breeze and after the fuel truck was disconnected, they might savour a relaxing cigarette, puff on a pipe or even a cheap cigar. These nerve calming devices were unceremoniously stubbed out and left to moulder in ashtrays conveniently located in the armrests along with discarded chewing gum and other disgusting stuff leaving a, “manly” gentleman’s club ambiance that lingered in the cockpit long after the windows had been closed for flight. best seat in the house

A particularly young looking captain became the target for some serious spoofing by flight attendants. dog whis T le hi jinks