13 minute read
WOMEN BEHAVING BADLY
Our appetite for watching women treat each horrible has become the norm. life is starting to imitate art as more and more outrageous behavior is spreading across the nation.
Written by DAVID CHRISTEL
David has been ghostwriting books for well-known people since 1995. He is also the author of Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.
Since 1948, there’s been a growing television trend that’s become immensely popular. It began with one reality TV show, Candid Camera, and we now have hundreds ranging from talent and game/talent shows to fly-on-thewall documentaries, hidden camera, celebrity, and professional lives, talk shows, life events and hoaxes, supernatural and paranormal, risk-taking, sports, fortune hunting, renovation, dating and relationships, and social experiment shows. The programs that seem to have the greatest effect on American society are those involving people in varying types of relationships. The entertainment component of the shows is found in everything you’d expect in a soap opera. The difference is that real people, not actors, are the characters driving the situations and events — and the more friction and drama that can be created, the higher the shows’ ratings and entertainment “value.”
the carrots being dangled in front of participants. That means: the more you act out and cause upset, the greater the possibility you’ll become a reality TV star, the more fame you’ll derive, and the more money you may garner. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the hero or villain, winner or loser. It’s fame, baby! The byproduct of these shows is that what we’re seeing reflected more and more in general society is people behaving
very badly — and they don’t care because it gets them noticed, they’re rewarded with applause, get adulation, and/or they get their way. In the process, people are treated more horribly than you can imagine, defensiveness and below-thebelt attacks become the norm, and emotionally blackmailing others is a primary tactic to get the upper hand over others. What this shows the world is just how far people are willing to go to win, be right, cool, powerful, stand out, influence — all to be somebody. And it doesn’t matter how abusive, depraved, disrespectful, dishonest, demeaning, disruptive, and dehumanizing you are. Basically, it’s the height of selfishness and egotism. Unfortunately, this is what so many people are aspiring to and accepting as a baseline for human interactions. There are two negative consequences to this: Displaying zero self-respect and allowing ourselves to sink into ever-lower levels of consciousness and animalistic behavior, and Teaching the viewing audience that it’s okay to act out in real life to get what you want no matter what it does to you, what it
costs you, and the effect it has on others. This is what we’re calling “entertainment” today. The entire focus is on drama, upset, secrets and revelations, backstabbing, manipulation, revenge, larger-than-life personalities, and, absurdly, the possibility of finding “true” love. What is missing is any level of maturity. Instead, we’re purposely choosing to spiral downward on the evolutionary scale and sinking into the oblivion of unchecked anger, lust, greed, and vanity. The truly amazing thing is that we’re seeing this occur in all arenas and at all levels of society. And, for the purposes of this month’s issue, women seem to be competing with men to see who can talk the trashiest, who can behave the most outra-
Black women come in many wonderful shapes and colors that men find incredibly attractive.
geously, who can win the battle of flamboyant beatdown. Dignity does not exist for these women as they lower themselves into ever-greater displays of titillation, risqué and raunchy behavior, and mindless and irrational escapades. What so many women — of all ages — fail to see is that these reality TV shows are seeping into their psyches to the degree that they’re unable to remain objective about themselves, human nature, entertainment, self-esteem, and self-worth. Thus, they unconsciously incorporate these behaviors, perspectives, and “values” into their own personalities and interactions. The truth about reality TV shows is that they:
• Create a false image of life • Present skewed understandings and perceptions • Distort youth mentality • Exploit people and situations • Erode ethical and moral practices • Feature humiliation and shame as entertainment
• Promote aggressive behavior and hyper-defensiveness • Lower our compassion quotient • Up our abusiveness quotient • Exacerbate personality issues and mental aberrations • Promote and validate voyeurism • Encourage ever-lower standards of behavior and decorum
• Foster deceit, gossip, manipulation, fabrication, and exaggeration • Urge playing games with others’ emotions, situations, and vulnerabilities
The question we must ask ourselves is: Why are we so attracted to the reality TV genre? It equates with rubbernecking accidents. For television viewers, this voyeurism is essentially watching a progression of human train wrecks. The three most important components of all relationships are dignity, respect, and trust. None of those are achievable unless we have respect for ourselves, unconditionally respect others, choose to carry ourselves with dignity and grace, and desire to establish trust as a means of elevating and inspiring each other. Yes, life is going to serve up all sorts of challenging people and situations — but we don’t have to become hostage to them. The primary determination we must keep in mind is whether lowering our behavior, words, and actions is serving our highest good. ●
The city simply glowed on AllStar Weekend, from downtown to Playhouse Square.
Cover photo and inside photo by: Sylven Lamar Media & Design.
OIT’S LONELY
AT THE TOP
ver the last thirty years, Black women have risen to become some of the most powerful people on the professional landscape. Their accomplishments, across all sectors of business, are nothing short of pure determination. Today, Black women represent some of the largest corporations and lead some of the best organizations in the country. his incredible success is happening despite the American corporate landscape being the worst for Black women. Based on McKinsey & Company’s “Annual Women in the Workplace” study, 49 percent of Black women feel that their race or ethnicity will make it harder for them to get a raise, promotion, or chance to get ahead compared to just 3 percent of white women and 11 percent of women overall. Despite obstacles in the workplace, Black women are excelling in numbers never seen before. And while those business accomplishments are good, Black women still struggle to find qualified Black men to date to complete the goal of having it all. There are many factors involved when discussing the problem of dating for Black women. Let’s examine several factors that impact finding success in the romance department. A HIGHER IQ MEANS FEWER OPTIONS Black women who benefit from high IQs struggle to find suitable Black mates. Black men with high IQs will date down to find love. Men often have other factors for dating than intelligence. Physical beauty tends to dominate the requirement for most men when dating. For women to be happy, they often need to have a stimulating relationship that engages their mind, as well as the body. This requirement makes it difficult for the Black woman to date someone beneath her intellect. Studies show that the smarter a woman is, the fewer options she has in finding a suitable mate. For Black women, looking outside of her race might increase her chances of finding romance, but most Black women are not attracted to men outside of their race. With the continued assault on the Black male, this problem will continue to exist in the Black community for generations to come.
Successful Black women have it all: successful careers, nice homes, amazing cars, and great friendships. Yet finding romance seems to be the biggest challenge for Black women over forty. And the higher her IQ , the harder it is to find love. by Brad Bowling
THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE HAS CHANGED
We’ve all heard the phrase “forty is the new thirty.” This statement has never been more accurate when describing how Black women are aging. Due to their lifestyle choices, successful Black women are more physically fit, better prepared financially, and
less stressed than Black women forty years ago. With financial success comes better diets, better sleep, and overall, a better quality of life. However, the idea of marriage in the Black community has taken a hit in the last twenty years as the Black community has been severely impacted by divorce. Researchers argue in a 2015 study that a racial gap in marriage emerged in the 1960s, when Black marriage rates started to decline, first slowly then steeply. Recent data suggests that, at all ages, Black people have lower marriage rates than other racial and ethnic groups. Based on US Census Bureau data from 2008 to 2012, less than two-thirds of Black women were married by their early forties, compared with almost nine out of ten white and Asian/Pacific Islander women and more than eight in ten Hispanic women. DATING SEEMS TO BE DIFFERENT FOR BLACK PEOPLE
The term, “dating with a purpose,” is used a lot when defining how most people over forty would like to date. For Black women, the goal of dating and turning it into a real relationship is no different. But Black women are alone in this thought and struggle to find Black men who have the same goals. Michelle Williams, 43, has been single for two years and says it is harder to date in the 40-something group, “because you kind of know what you want, and it’s not necessarily presented to you,” she said. “What separates our community from others is I feel other races date with a purpose.” “Other races date for six or seven months, and then they get married,” Williams continued. “The purpose is to get married. I find, in the Black community, a man will date you for 10-15 years and never marry you. I let one man take my twenties, another man takes my thirties, so I have to be a little bit strategic in my 40s.”
ONLINE DATING SUCKS
When the pandemic hit, online dating was the only option to meet and date. For Black people, it is especially hard because they represent about 2 – 4 percent of the people on dating apps. Of that small percentage, it’s even harder to find the right person, in the right city whom you feel like you have some compatibility with. So online dating is a waste of time for Black women. If you are going to date outside your race, then online dating offers better options for finding someone who might match your goals. Bridgette Gordon, 48, thinks traditional courting has been replaced with “a la carte” online dating. “I’m not looking for Superman. You do not have to be the richest man in the world; you just cannot bring the BS to the table,” she said. What exactly is BS? Black women feel like men play a lot of games when it comes to dating. They feel like men want to text more than talk. Black women are looking to discover a connec-
tion with a man, and it’s extremely hard to do that when there’s no actual conversation.
AGE IS STILL A FACTOR
Every person knows that age is still a factor when it comes to dating. Black people are no different. Black men tend to want to date younger women. Black women are looking for more mature men, which means they might need to date above their age to find a good match. But because Black women are also living healthier lives, they desire men who are in shape, more active, and want to venture out more. Those two sometimes conflict when looking for men. So, the age factor plays a role in how people choose their potential mates.
“It feels like men in their forties and women in their forties have a tough time connecting with and finding each other,” Brenda Howard, 41, said. “The men who find women in their forties attractive are often a little older, and those women don’t want those men, and the younger women don’t want the 40-year-old men.” If Black women are going to have any success in the romance department, they may want to increase the range of who they’re willing to date up and down the age scale. Finding love after forty can be trickier with certain restrictions placed on the goal of finding the right person. Dating experts offer these suggestions for those looking for love over forty.
DATE THOSE WHO WANT TO DATE YOU
It is always easier to find love when you date people who want to date you. Find the person who is seeking you out and give them the opportunity to date you. You might have to adjust some of your age, income, and physical requirements but you might open yourself up to some amazing people who have a genuine interest in you.
TAKE ON NEW HOBBIES
Sometimes you must put yourself in a position to meet the person you want to meet. Finding a new hobby can often create that opportunity to meet new people. Try golf or other outdoor activities to see if you can meet someone of similar interest. PostCOVID, people are getting back out and hoping to create some normal routines that might make life more fun.
DON’T THROW HIM AWAY TOO FAST
Today’s world of cancel culture could have some impact on your dating life. Try giving him more than one opportunity to make a mistake. Sometimes women can give up too fast on a good thing. Slow down and give the relationship a chance to blossom before you decide to move away from someone who might need time to adjust to your goals, work schedule, desired level of communication, and expectations. Communicate your needs and give them time to adjust. Love is hard, and after forty, love is harder. But dating can also be fun and adventurous for those who are willing to go beyond their fears and expectations. With summer coming, take a risk on yourself and find the one you desire to date. Who knows, you just might find love. ●
LaRese Purnell looks forward to a future where Cleveland businesses thrive around its own Black Wallstreet district.
FASHION HATS FOR WOMEN
Hats have always been a great accessory to women. We this months women’s issue with several types of hats to complete any evening out.
Written by LARON HARLEM
A wardrobe shopper, stylist and accessories designer who specializes in dapper looks that truly appeal to the most discerning eye. mailto:styledbydecar-lo@gmail.com, https://www.styledbydecarlo.com/
Typically Jones: Model Lives Designer: Koko Mystique MUA: FyeTye Beats & Minks
Bold is the statement that a comfortable, yet stylish hat makes. Whether you are attending church or simply going for a strole, the right hat makes all the difference.
Fun is never far away when it comes to wearing the right hat. But make sure you understand the attention it brings when you wear it right. Brenda Turner: Model
Custom made hat by BRENDA TURNER OWNER OF BTXPRESSIONS ACCESSORIES
Summers gives women chance to expess themselves with stylish hats. Imagine staying cool, and keeping cooler by the shade of a brim hat.
Roxanne Grimsley: International model Custom made Hat by Brenda Turner owner of BTXPRESSIONS
OWNER OF BTXPRESSIONS ACCESSORIES
