Ochoa López Manuela, Rise With Self Love

RISE WITH SELF LOVE

Written By Manuela Ochoa López

Iknow you don’t know me, but let me tell you the story of when I overcome one of the biggest problems a teenager could face in their life. It all started on the first day of sixth grade, I was just starting my life as a high school student, I was feeling really eager even from the night before, because I spent all the night just moving around and thinking about it, in other words, I didn’t have any sleep at all, I didn’t know what to expect as a high school student. I couldn’t believe, I had made it to sixth grade, now, I could see myself as a grownup woman, even though I was just twelve years old girl. Little did I know that my life was heading into a milestone with no return, that day my life would change and take a 360° turn.

The day began as a usual day for a student, I woke up about five-thirty in the morning because at that time the bus used to pick me up at six- forty and I wasn’t very good at being on time, most of the time the bus had to wait for about five minutes because I didn’t wake up on time or I wasn’t ready, but this time was different; I woke up as soon as my alarm went off, I even organized my bed, which is something I never did. I rushed into the bathroom so that I could take a long bath to pamper myself and calm my nerves, as the water fills the tub with hot water, the only thing that went through my mind was the thought of how people would look at me, I wanted to give a good impression to the older students because I wanted to be popular, I wanted to be their friends because you were considered popular or cool if older students spoke to you. Thirty minutes had passed since I got to the bathroom, I know that because my brother was knocking on the door, meaning he just woke up and wanted to use the bathroom, most of the times he wakes up about six a.m to go to school, he doesn’t need much time to get ready. As I went out of the bathroom towards my room, my brother stopped me and told me;

“Why did you take so long in the bathroom?” And I told him with a big smile on my face;

“I want to look and feel my best so that I can impress the older students, so they will like to be my friends.”

My brother looked at me with a face of disappointment and told me;

“Why would you like to be their friends...if you have to change for them to like you? If you want to look and feel good, just do it for you, not for anyone else.”

I didn’t tell him anything, I just walked past him and went straight to my room so that I could get ready for school. As I was getting ready, I looked for my newest uniform because it had been fixed up so that my body would look a little thinner and that my imperfections wouldn’t show up; my skirt wasn’t too long or too short, it was just perfect so that it could hide my thick thigh and my pale legs, my shirt was big enough so that my fat rolls didn’t show or that they marked, my shoes were some white converse because they were trending at the time.

When the bus arrived I decided not to sit down with my brother, which we had been doing since we both were in school, I wanted to sit in the back of the bus with my best friend Samantha because I didn’t want to sit alone for the first time and at the back of the bus it was where the older students sit. Samantha has been my best friend since we were born because our parents have been best friends since college, so we have done everything together, from birthday parties to just having lunch at each other’s houses, however, you could say that she is the complete opposite of me; she has long dark hair, big brown eyes, a very thin face, a beautiful tanned skin color, some long legs, and a gorgeous body. When we arrived at school, we needed to pass by the main stairs, which would lead us to the main hall because all the classrooms were connected by the main hall, as we passed by I was able to see that

the older students were looking and talking about me, they couldn’t take their eyes off me, at the beginning I thought they were looking at me because I looked good, but little did I know I was lying to myself, I lowered my head and the smile I had was erased, Samantha noticed it and she told me:

“What happened? “

And I said; “Nothing, I was just thinking about how tall everyone looks, even the girls are super tall.”

Even though I just told Samantha that it was nothing, I knew that the older students were making fun of me because they were laughing and pointing at me. My mind began to fill up with insecurities.

In the end, she told me; “Ok, let’s go, we are going to be late for class.”

I nodded, keeping a low view and following her to class. Since that day, I felt more insecure about myself each day.

Time began to pass and my insecurities kept growing, but the day that broke me down and left me in tears was Samantha’s birthday when I heard my crush and a group of people saying to my best friend;

“Who would like to be with someone like Olivia, she is fat, ugly and has no friends. I want to be with someone like you, beautiful, with a nice body, and as popular as I am.” My crush said mockingly.

“We don’t even know why she is your friend, she is nothing compared to you, you should be with people that are just like you, people like us.”

Samantha didn’t say anything, she kept herself quiet and just walked away. She didn’t notice that I was listening, so I backed away and took my phone to call my father so that he would pick me up and take me home, I didn’t want to be there, I wanted to be alone. When I arrived home I went directly to my room, I started to cry, I felt that the only way to kill this

pain was to kill myself, so I took five pills, fortunately, I didn’t take enough to kill myself. A week passed since Samantha’s birthday, I haven’t attended school since that day, I wasn’t ready to face anyone, I felt unstable and weak.

One morning my mother told me that I had a visit, it was Samantha. She came with a basket full of my favorite candy, even my favorite coffee, she did know me so well. She sat on my bed and told me; “I’ve missed you all these days that you haven’t gone to school. I’ve been worried about you, you haven’t answered my text, what’s going on?.”

I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t even look at her, my eyes were full of tears. Because of that awkward silence, I told her; “I overheard what those boys said about me at your party”

Her face changed, and I could see a lot of sadness behind her eyes, I could tell that she wanted to apologize and with tears running down my cheeks, I told her;

“You don’t know what it feels like to be ugly and fat...so ugly that you have to use makeup every day to cover your acne scars, that you have to wear your cloth two sizes bigger so that you don’t look fat and so that your imperfections don’t show up. You have always been thin and beautiful, with perfect skin, people like you are loved by everyone and everyone would want to be your friends, you get invited into parties, lunches or just hang out, guys go crazy over you, they look at you as if you were a goddess and they look at me as if I was trash.”

Samantha took a deep breath and she asked me to look at her in the eyes, and with a sweet tone, she said;

“I’m sorry, I should have told you about that, but honestly; I am not as perfect as you think I am, people only want to be my friends because of the way I look, not because of who I am, I would rather prefer to have you, as my real friend than a bunch of fake friends. You don’t need to have friends like those

guys, you just need to learn how to cherish yourself and I’m here to help you learn how to love yourself.

We hugged and since that day Samantha has helped me overcome all my insecurities, she has left behind all the fake friends that only caused her pain and made her doubt if she was worth having as a friend for who she really is.

Six years have passed since my first day as a high school student, today was my last day of high school, this day started as a usual day with some slight changes, I woke up as soon as my alarm went off, I took my thirty minutes bath, but this time when I was getting ready I was able to look at myself in the mirror, took a deep breath and just smiled at myself.