A View on Life!

Linda Burns

“In life we are largely governed by our environment, and experiences during childhood.”

Change is the only constant, and what change we experienced in the last 12 months globally! The final straw for so many being Christmas plans 2020 scuppered at the last minute in the UK, by a Tier 4 lockdown for many parts of the country. That was almost one change too far!

Over our lifetimes we all need to work out how we deal with change, some planned like moving home, starting a business and some unexpected like the loss of a loved one.

My father passed away in March 2018 and that year my husband Phil and I decided to spend Christmas away, to do something totally different so as not to feel the pain of someone missing at the dinner table. We decided on Cuba. We planned our trip and arrived in Havana on Christmas Eve and walked the city on Christmas day. The 25th December in Havana is the same as every other day of the year for man, women and child. Children were playing happily in the street, as they do most days!

They were grateful for what they did have, which was very little, a roof over their head, clothes on their backs and food in their belly. For many in the UK the expectation for Christmas day was to meet with family and friends they had not seen since lockdown in March 2020. The curveball thrown by the government, days before Christmas decimated those expectations for many, and the emotions felt may have proved very difficult to process and deal with for some. ‘On Christmas day I should, must, have to’ ……… it’s what we know, what we feel comfortable with, what we expect from what we believe Christmas looks like.

In life we are largely governed by our environment, and experiences during childhood. Mine have been unique, like every

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other human being walking this earth. For me it was – ‘I must eat my dinner, I should tidy my room, I have to be polite no matter how people treat me or else.’ I was ridiculed for crying at films as young as 5 years old, and therefore learnt very quickly to suppress this emotion and rise above it. ‘I must not be sentimental, I should be strong, and I have to cover up my feelings!’ This not surprisingly resulted in my being an adult with many layers of protection if I became emotional, showing very little or no vulnerability. Given this personal experience, I believe many of our views are formed in early years and can be very difficult to change!

The ‘DIET’ of life; Direct Impact of Environment on Thoughts.

What you hear, what you see, who you spend time with, all have an impact emotionally, spiritually and physically on each and every one of us. Our thoughts, feelings and actions are derived from these experiences. Many of our thoughts, once examined in detail, cannot be seen as true, as they are likely to be about the future. How many times have you worried and become anxious about a job interview, meeting a stranger, or speaking in public, only to find the experience, in reality was nothing like you had imagined.

We all begin life as baby sponges, filled from birth with language and customs defined by our environment and positive or negative thoughts of those we spend our time with. As we grow into teens, we begin to evaluate what we are exposed to from peer groups to education and beliefs handed to us ready formed. Some we accept, some we reject, we continue to grow and learn. There is joy and sometimes there is pain. We don’t like pain, start thinking how will we prevent this pain; that will eventually arrive, as we can convince ourselves it will. Even in

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“Many of us scratch the surface, when something is troubling us, but to have a deep understanding of what is really going on is life changing.”

a good situation or with a good person, the barriers may go up, thinking it is unlikely to last. Looking for something wrong, will inevitably make it happen, even when it isn’t there! My expectation was largely toil and trouble. I had to work hard to achieve anything I deserved, resulting in pain from most situations, joy, happiness and calm evaded me.

Once we are awakened to this pattern of behaviour, we may flip to the opposite, (law of attraction) and start looking for the good in every situation, ignoring the pain, focus on the good and hope it grows. As I have discovered, this is not particularly helpful either, ignoring your thoughts and feelings. Especially when you continue looking for the good in every situation, to think highly of someone who acts in a harmful way. This can leave you feeling emotionally drained and erode any little selfworth you may have.

I have learnt through my own renewal and growth to pay attention to how I feel in any given situation, being aware, and in tune with my thoughts and feelings, I can evaluate the experience and ascertain what is good, not so good and what I no longer want to be a part of, or, have in my life.

ARA - Appropriate, Reasonable & Acceptable What is appropriate, reasonable, and acceptable to me is very different now to a decade ago. Until something fundamental happens to change the course and direction we are travelling, things will always remain the same. I was stopped in my tracks by a mental breakdown a decade ago, not my first, but

fortunately my last. I now constantly review my self-worth and put boundaries in place to ensure those around me know what I consider to be appropriate, reasonable and acceptable. I am now aware of when something is troubling me, and able to process the layers to get to the bottom of what is really going on deep down at the core. Many of us scratch the surface, when something is troubling us, but to have a deep understanding of what is really going on is life changing. Knowing what is going on is the beginning, the ability to then achieve the outcome that best serves us takes much courage and determination. It is unlikely those close to us will tread the same path or at the same pace, important conversations can prove difficult.

True happiness is found in being honest with yourself, aware of what is good for you, and appreciating those that are willing to treat you with love, kindness and respect despite the conversation. A casual disagreement is very different and normal, to harmful behaviour which requires distance.

Previously I would not have taken action until I exploded, which was very rare I have to say, as the other person’s feelings were always paramount, and I did not want to hurt or upset them, no matter how bad I felt. It has taken a long time for me to understand putting my own wellbeing first and foremost is not being selfish. We all wish to be heard, noticed, and respected as a fellow human being.

A few years ago, I attended a seminar, at this point I believed I had done a lot of personal

development work and dealt with my gremlins. What a shock I had coming, I cried a river of tears that weekend. I wanted to curl up in a ball, run away and hide. Remember that little 5 year-old girl, ‘I should, must and have to control these emotions and tears!’ Personal development is never easy and at its best is uncomfortable, a roller coaster ride for many. It is not for the faint hearted, but I can honestly say it has saved my life and shown me I am responsible for my own happiness, not my career, partner or least of all material possessions.

The rest of my life, will always be, the best of my life!

My major learning from this seminar and further training in the ‘Power of Choice’ is that I am a vulnerable human being, and feelings are a natural part of life. The biggest take away is to continually suppress one’s feelings is a time bomb waiting to explode! Understanding that my feelings are as valid as the next person, and the ability to process them in a calm manner is a choice I now have. It is a life changer and the key to diffusing that internal bomb, and selfdestruct.

I find yoga most beneficial and an important part of my life, it enables me to truly focus on the present, both improving my body and mind. So why do I find it such a battle to undertake yoga on a regular basis?

My fundamental belief is “I am not worthy of me time, feeling so calm and content” that is engrained in my belief structure from growing up in a busy environment where there is always something to be done, other than spend time on myself!

Is this true? No of course it is not true, but something I still battle with every day.

Despite many years of growth and renewal, it shows how deep and strong those views and beliefs we hold about ourselves, and the impact they have on our everyday lives.

The difference today to a decade ago is my awareness and understanding of what I am dealing with, internally, on a daily basis. I have grown immensely over the past decade and renewed my views and beliefs over and over

“In Collaboration Global, I have found a safe, secure and supportive group of people, where I can be myself...”

to be the person I am today. Awareness is key, as new situations arise frequently to challenge the current state I have achieved at any given time.

I have not travelled this journey alone, I had professional intervention initially, and much contact with many people along the way. In Collaboration Global, I have found a safe, secure and supportive group of people, where I can be myself, whatever that may look like any day of the week.

challenges, but knowing the individuals ‘truly’ have your best interest at heart allows you to explore new possibilities.

Understanding challenges to our long held personal views and beliefs, and what brings us happiness is no mean feat and an ongoing exploration. Like changes to the body need time and effort, so do changes to our thoughts, feelings and beliefs, no time like the present to make a start!

Sharing views and perceptions over any situation, without being judged, is such a sacred space that allows us to be creative and achieve greater outcomes. Yes, there are

You can contact Linda at:

Email: linda@lifeinsideout.co.uk Telephone: 07725 341251 Website: www.lifeinsideout.co.uk