Family Worship

LIFE LESSONS

Josh and Caitlin Maurer

Thinking about bringing your children into the service to worship with you can seem like a battle not worth fighting. We sat down with Josh and Caitlin Maurer to ask why they invest time and energy to include their children in corporate worship. Kid’s Harbor hopes this interview will help families see the fruitfulness of worshiping together and give practical ideas of how to do it.

Why include young children in corporate worship?

Josh: Parents, first, be convinced this is a good thing. There are all sorts of obstacles. There are days when we think, “Why are we doing this?” If you are considering bringing your children into corporate worship, it is crucial to believe worshiping together as a family is important. When we look at the Scriptures, all the way from the beginning, we see an assumption that families are together, and kids are hearing the reading of the law and asking questions about the law. From the beginning of the Bible all the way to the New Testament, the assumption is that children are present. Paul wrote Ephesians and Colossians to be read publicly, and he addresses children. What does that imply about children’s presence within the larger community?

Also, things are more often caught than taught. Discipleship implies modeling. Yes, teaching too, but there is untapped power in children just watching mom and dad worship, open their Bibles, read, pray and sing. One of the things that convinced me years ago when I was pastoring was the pervasive influence of simply 18 years (give or take) of watching mom and dad engage with God. One writer says, “You’ll never know what crack your influence in engaging with God might open in a child’s heart for the spirit to grab hold.” Of course, the small ones are not cognitively grasping much of what is happening or embracing abstract concepts, but they are learning from watching. The key is that parents are actively engaging with God. If parents are just bumps-on-a-log, then maybe kids would be better off in a separate class. Barna statistics show that families with a regular rhythm of worship together by and large have kids that continue with church into adulthood. Of course, this is not automatic. Kids become their own person and are responsible before God, but generally, if parents are genuinely engaged in worship, it has a positive impact on kids. The value of being together is in the multiplication of these experiences over time—they are not always immediately identifiable.

What does bringing children into corporate worship communicate to their hearts?

Caitlin: Some of the messages we communicate to our kids are:

• You, little person, are an important part of this family (church and nuclear). Your voice matters, and this Word being preached is applicable and life giving for all of us.

• You can join in and take responsibility for your own faith and participation. You can pay attention and learn something and express yourself out loud. Look at all these other people who have broken families and are imperfectly walking with the Lord or are learning about him for the first time.

• God is worthy—of our praise, our attention, our unity, our repentance, our faith, and our trust.

• We like you! We want you here with us. We want to hear your questions later and have conversations about what you heard and observed.

• We are the church—in the building with other believers and out and about as a nuclear family.

How do you prepare children for corporate worship at home in your family devotional time and conversations about church?

Josh: During family devotions, we practice sitting still and quiet. Kids can be taught to sit still. It is possible, but it requires some fortitude on the part of the parents. When they act up, we remind them in sensitive ways of expectations and discipline them in age-appropriate ways. It’s hard, but so many times parents don’t want to have the struggle, the fight, the battle of the wills when we are trying to focus ourselves during church.

Give kids practice at home with times to follow instructions. It takes a while. Commit to the long haul! A valuable idea might be to read the scripture passage that will be preached on ahead of time together as well. Also, when we are putting the kids to bed on Saturday night, we share what we are excited about for Sunday to foster anticipation like gathering with our church family, singing, and learning.

How do you prepare specifically that day?

Caitlin: Grab a worship bag on your way into the service. These are great, but we save these materials for sermon time. We reinforce our expectations that our children should stand, sit, sing and speak along with the adults as the opening sections progress. It’s ok if they are just observing too.

For toddlers, I pack a few special items—bangle bracelets, paper, pencils, crayons, post-its, a notebook, quiet toys, or stickers to use during the sermon. Small books that they know and can independently look at are great. Teach them how to speak in a whisper voice! Practice and reward it at home, and then use it in church too—make it a game if you have to. Water WOW packs are great (the water pen on reusable pictures). They make zero mess and can be used over and over. I pack a little mirror so they can stare at their little selves and make faces or play peekaboo. Set yourself up for success with bathroom breaks right before church and maybe a treat incentive at the end. A doll, stuffed animal or toy that they can snuggle and put to sleep is good too, since they’ll likely be quiet while “baby is sleeping.”

What are some things your kids do during the service?

Josh: Our two-year-old loves to change laps. We don’t expect her to sit in one place during the whole sermon. I know she is two and isn’t understanding most of what Pastor Moody says, and I’m ok with that because every night at home we are teaching her on her level. More important for her is seeing mom and dad singing and engaging with God.

Our older girls have a notebook they bring to the service to take notes in as they listen to the sermon. Our 8-year-old writes down words that she hears or is thinking about. Maybe she writes down a phrase. I always look over it after church during lunch and we have a short conversation about it. She knows dad is going to ask about it.

Our nine-year-old listens carefully, and we ask her to write down whatever strikes her or something that she has a question about, and we will talk about it later. It doesn’t have to be an outline. We tell her, “You are listening to a word from God that is meant to penetrate into your mind and heart in a direction of encouragement, challenge or change. What is God prompting your heart to ponder? If you need to stop and pray for a moment, by all means do that. This is not an assignment to hand in after the service.” Every once and a while, she needs reminders or has a bad day and doesn’t want to write, but on the whole, she can write down what is going through her mind as she listens to the sermon.

Measure where your own child is at and set expectations for them assuming that as they get older, they can handle more.

What if my kids don’t behave perfectly in the service?

Josh: There is no shame in taking your children out. Make use of the narthex and balcony. You are not disrupting the service! Frame distraction under the sovereignty of God. God knows what is coming ahead of time, so in the quietness of your own heart, understand that whatever happens in the service is good for us. Take it in stride. The hustle and bustle are real life. Sometimes we set up Sunday morning service as the holy of holies. But Paul calls the church a “household,” so we should expect household needs taking place when we gather. Imagine being in the first century church. Most Christians were in house churches. What did that look like? There was reverence, but it was not like Carnegie Hall. All the things that we love on Sunday mornings can be done in the midst of distractions or changes to our plans.

Also, commit to the long haul. You can’t try for two weeks and then give up. That’s not how it works. Kids have to be conditioned, and after a month or two they get the rhythm. For us, it’s now a rare Sunday that is really hard.

Caitlin: Keep in mind, there needs to be a “period of adjustment.” It won’t be great the first time...it might take several weeks to get into your family’s rhythm and find it lifegiving for you all. However, if expectations are fair and some reward of quality time or incentive is given for even small gains, it will get better!

What closing encouragement would you give to parents?

Josh: Kids are being shaped. There is so much pressure on us culturally right now to view our kids as independent choicemakers who can create their own stories. There is an impulse to fear indoctrination or shaping kids too much, and my response to that is that kids do not know what is best for them, pure and simple. Parents’ jobs are to help shape them into the person that God calls them to be. How that plays out in terms of church is helping them understand that church is absolutely vital. It is important for us to be at church to receive and also to serve. We drill it into them, and they don’t always like it. They don’t always like a lot of things that are good for them. It’s not always peachy, and sometimes Sunday morning drives are the absolute worst. What can go wrong does. But when that happens, we pause, pray, remember God’s providence over this moment, and try to get back on track. If you put in the work especially when they are young, it will get easier. And not only that, it will become enjoyable, a highlight of your week.