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SIDE BY SIDE
Christian Parenting: David Setran Discusses the History and Continuing Importance of Raising Children in Faith
David Seaman sat down with Setran to talk about his new book.
Parenting guidance sometimes feels timeless, but what we perceive as important for Christian parenting today is the result of centuries of debates and discussions. In a fascinating new historical study Christian Parenting: Wisdom and Perspectives from American History, College Church member and elder David Setran reports on the varying ways American Protestants took up the task of childrearing in the colonial and Victorian eras (i.e., 17th to 19th centuries). By looking at the past, Setran shows how Christian parents can raise their children now and in the future.
What made you want to write a book about the history of Christian parenting?
So many reasons! Scripture is obviously quite clear on the importance of parenting. Proverbs 22:6 reminds us that parents are to “raise up a child in the way he should go.” Other passages, such as Deuteronomy 6 and Psalm 78, point out that we are to teach God’s commands to our children at all times and to remind them of the wondrous deeds of the Lord. All of this is important not only for individual families but also for the long-term growth and continuation of our faith. In fact, Psalm 78 talks about how this parenting task is important for the next generation and for the children yet to be born! Scripture also provides us with many examples of parenting gone wrong (and the terrible consequences both for individual families and for the larger nation). And research just confirms the importance of Christian parenting.
The spiritual formation of children in Christian households is more important than ever in an increasingly secularized world. Sociologist Christian Smith confirms that parents are by far the most important influence shaping their children’s faith, even more so than Christian schools and youth groups. While many books have been written on the topic of Christian parenting, few draw on the wisdom of the past.
I started getting interested in all of this because I was reading the Puritans and recognized that they had so much to offer when it came to thinking about how to raise up our children in the faith. As a father, I am always on the lookout for resources that can help me think about my role as a parent. History helps us to see how we’ve gotten to where we are, and it also provides new principles, perspectives and practices for us to consider as we take part in this important work.
Tell us about the time periods you chose, and why.
The book looks at the colonial era (from the early 1600s to the mid-1700s) and the Victorian era (from about 1830 to 1890). I chose those two because they reflect different approaches to Christian parenting that have had a longlasting influence. Colonial Christian parents emphasized content heavy religious practices in the home—worship, family devotions, prayer, and catechism training. They also emphasized fathers as the primary spiritual leaders of the home. By the Victorian era, parents emphasized a nurturing and relational home environment, giving more weight to modeling and to the creation of a happy and loving household. Writers in this era elevated mothers as the most important parent guiding the spiritual nurture of their children.
Scholars have pointed out that most contemporary Christians—across wide range denominational perspectives— have largely adopted the Victorian approach. Most believe the parents’ primary responsibility is simply to serve as good models and provide loving relationships so that the faith will be “caught” rather than “taught.”
What was the primary goal of colonial parenting?
It is pretty clear that colonial parents were most concerned about their children’s salvation. This is because they held a very strong view of original sin, believing that their children were spiritually dead and in need of a “new heart.” Puritan preachers did not want parents to be satisfied with behavioral conformity, with compliant children who obeyed all the rules. They were also concerned that some parents might just assume that children would inherit the parents’ faith. Reminding parents that many godly parents in the Bible had children who wandered far from the Lord, they urged them to be vigilant in seeing each child come to a personal and saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.
How did colonial parents approach Christian practices in the home?
For colonial parents, family devotions—or what they called family prayer—took place in the morning and evening each day. The rhythm of this was meant to reflect the truth of Psalm 92, which calls upon believers to proclaim God’s love in the morning and his faithfulness at night. These times together were not long, but they always included a short reading of Scripture, the singing of a psalm or hymn, and a time of prayer. Parents also made concerted efforts to teach their children to pray from an early age, taking their needs and requests to the Lord. The Puritans really emphasized the need for a personal and relational connection to God. Prayer, therefore, was the culmination of every other spiritual activity. Bible reading, singing, and even catechism training was always to lead to prayer.
What lessons can we learn from the colonial emphasis on Christian teaching within the home? Is this a lost practice in contemporary homes?
Colonial pastors and leaders really emphasized the importance of parents serving as Christian teachers for their children. The primary vehicle for this was the catechism, which taught children in question-and-answer format the key doctrines of the faith. They wanted to give children a theological language through which they could interpret the world around them. Interestingly, current research on religious families shows that most parents don’t see this as a parent’s responsibility. This is in part because they think that this is the responsibility of other agencies, such as Sunday schools and youth groups.
But studies also show that most parents just don’t think that biblical and theological teaching is very important. They believe that faith is “caught” rather than “taught” and that the only responsibility for parents is to model the faith effectively. There may be significant losses here, however. Children do need a biblical and theological vocabulary to counter the false narratives around them.
It is also true that teaching and talking about the faith is an important means by which parents communicate the importance of faith to their children. If parents place all their emphasis on academics and very little on learning the foundations of faith, children are likely to pick up on the relative importance of these things. It is simply true that what we talk about repeatedly is what becomes most important to us. Children and youth become very fluent in the language of popular culture. If they don’t also develop and speak the language of faith, it is likely that faith won’t seem very real to them.
What were some of the biggest changes that took place in Christian parenting in the 1800s? What has been the legacy of those changes?
One of the bigger changes related to views of children. Colonial parents and pastors tended to emphasize children’s sinful nature, recognizing that they needed the power of the Holy Spirit to revive dead hearts. By the mid- 19th century, two other views were becoming increasingly common among Protestants. Some saw children as neutral blank slates, ready to be shaped by whatever environments surround them. Others saw children as angelic cherubs, more spiritual than their elders and models of the purity and simplicity of faith.
In either case, many began to put more emphasis upon early childhood impressions and the importance of the home environment for raising up children in the faith. In fact, many now believed that parents completely determined whether their children would embrace the faith or not. Much emphasis was placed upon the development of a happy home in a loving and nurturing space that would provide the ideal environment for children to grow as Christians. This highlighted the importance of close and intimate ties between parents and children. It also highlighted the fact that the Holy Spirit could work through the daily rhythms of the home and not simply in instantaneous conversion experiences. At the same time, it could at times make it seem as if all children needed was a nurturing home environment rather than the redemptive power of God in awakening the child’s soul.
Were mothers or were fathers given the primary responsibility for the Christian nurture of their children? What shifts have taken place, and how has that influenced the roles of mothers and fathers in the present?
This was one of the most fascinating aspects of my study. In the colonial era, fathers were seen as the chief Christian educators and disciplinarians in the family. They were labeled as the priests of the home, leading family devotions and taking on primary responsibility for catechism training. By the mid-19th century, mothers had taken over much of this spiritual responsibility. Some of this was due to economic changes. As the production of food, clothing and other goods moved outside of the home, women had more time to devote to their children and motherhood became a married woman’s primary role. Fathers, on the other hand, were now more often leaving the home for their paid employment. Many would say that fathers’ parenting roles went from being a “pedagogue” (teacher) to a “provider” and a “playmate” for their children. They still often presided over formal family devotions, but most of the day-to-day spiritual nurture was given over to mothers.
Many began to argue that mothers’ love and purity made them the better parent for Christian nurture, especially when people began to see early childhood as the most important time of spiritual development. This shift has had a long-lasting impact on the way people view Christian parenting. More recent studies show that children still see their mothers as far more influential in their spiritual growth than their fathers. And many would argue that the shifts that took place in this era changed the way that fathers see the home. While in colonial times, the home would have been seen as a place of work and ministry and discipleship of children, by the mid-19th century it was viewed more as a place of rest and refreshment for men, a place to counteract the toil of the workplace.
What does history tell us about the potential problems of idolizing children and the family?
Colonial Christian authors—particularly the Puritans— were incredibly God-centered. They obviously loved their children deeply and invested time in their development, but pastors were also repeatedly warning parents not to turn their children and their families into idols. They wanted parents to know that they were stewards rather than owners of their children and that they were raising them up to fulfill God’s purposes rather than their own. They also wanted parents to know that their primary allegiance was to the larger church and covenant community rather than just their individual families. By the mid-19th century, such warnings largely stopped. More and more emphasis was placed upon the individual nuclear family and the development of a home filled with warmth and close family bonds between siblings and between parents and children. This really did highlight the importance of a close family, something recent research has demonstrated is an important factor in determining whether children will embrace their parents’ faith. At times, however, it made it appear that the Christian faith was valued only because it created better family relationships. It also made it more likely that the family would take on exclusive responsibility for raising up the child. Less emphasis was placed on the church as the child’s spiritual family, a community that would help to nurture the child in the faith and provide spiritual brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and grandparents to assist parents in this important work.
What are some main themes you hope readers will take away from your book?
The two time periods I studied set forth different versions of what it meant to be a “good” Christian parent. In the end, both are so important. Children desperately need the formal teaching and worship that the colonial preachers and parents so valued, helping children understand the faith and move into a deep dialogical relationship with God. They also need the modeling and loving relationships of parents and families who seek to demonstrate the care of a heavenly Father. Both approaches demonstrate true parental love. Parents teach because they want to help children understand true goodness and avoid the perils of Satan’s lies. They pray because they know that true spiritual blessing depends on God’s lavish grace in their children’s lives. They discipline because they want to protect children from things that can keep them from true joy. They create loving environments because they want to put God’s embracing love on display. Ultimately, through all of this, they seek to serve as Christ’s ambassadors, placing their children into the loving arms of the One whose love will never fail.
