Working With Same-Sex Attraction By Daniel Keeran, MSW College of Mental Health Counseling www.collegemhc.com
In this report, a clear and concise explanation is presented for counseling men reporting that their same-sex attraction causes mental distress, and they are wanting to change to opposite-sex heterosexual attraction. It is possible in some cases for self-identified gay and lesbian individuals to modify their same-sex attraction to heterosexual attraction. Because of the politicization of homosexuality, research in the field has not achieved universal acceptance among psychologists and other counseling professionals. The process of therapy is based upon the observation that homosexuality is caused by factors including an emotional block in relating to the opposite-sex parent during childhood, childhood loss of caring from the samesex parent, early childhood same-sex experiences setting up fantasies and associated sexual arousal, and lack of sexual boundaries in childhood. The development of same-sex attraction may be increased when there is a combination of these contributing factors.
Creatures of Habit Because of neuroplasticity, the establishment of patterns of same-sex attraction originating in childhood is difficult to change. Neuroplasticity may decline after age 20 and significantly after age 25. Humans are creatures of habit in the area of sexuality as well as other behaviors which means that in order for change to occur, the individual must be determined in his or her goal and must be committed to a long-term process of therapy.
The Fisher-Greenberg Study In 1995 two researchers, Seymour Fisher and Roger Greenberg, provided an update of their prior survey of scientific studies looking at possible factors contributing to male homosexuality. They found that absence of the father or rejection by the father is a significant contributing factor in male homosexual development. Fisher and Greenberg reviewed 22 studies regarding the relationship between male homosexuals and their parents. They concluded on page 139: "As noted, the increased pool of data available reinforces the concept of the negative father ...involved in moving a male child toward homosexuality."
The American Psychological Association As of the date of this report, the American Psychological Association states in “Answers to Your Questions for a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation & Homosexuality," the following: “Most scientists today agree that sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people sexual orientation is shaped at an early age.”
Preparation for Therapy The first condition for therapy is that the person seeking to change his or her same-sex attraction must be committed and determined to engage in a process of change. In the assessment of self-motivation to seek therapy, the negative personal effects of same-sex attraction should be reviewed, such as mental distress and depression not related to family or social rejection. The second part of the preparation for therapy is to help the individual understand that there is no quick fix or miracle cure and that the process of change may require a life-long commitment.
The Therapeutic Process The process of therapy can be illustrated in the following scenario in which the self-identified gay man presents with depression over numerous failed relationships and has expressed a strong desire to change his same-sex attraction. The counselor says, “So you feel sad and frustrated about losing caring from men you have been sexually involved with, is that accurate?” and then says, “Who is the first most important man in your life whose caring you lost?” The client says, “My father left when I was 8 years old.” The counselor says, “Describe what you needed from your father when you were a child? What kind of father did you need?” The client says, “I needed a father who cared about me and loved me and wanted to do things together with me.” The counselor says, “So when you want a relationship with a man, you are looking for caring and closeness like you wanted from your father, and it takes a sexual form. Is that accurate?” The client says, “Yes, and they are wanting the same from me, and it just doesn’t work. We expect too much from each other and it’s never enough.” If the client does not have this insight, the counselor can state it and check for accuracy. The counselor then says, “So if no one else can give you the caring you missed, who does that leave?” The client responds, “Just me.” The counselor says, “If your father had given you the caring and closeness you needed as a child, I wonder if you can imagine how your life might be different today.” The client may say, “I might not have so many relationships with different men. I might not even be gay.” If the client does not have this insight, the counselor can say, “I wonder if you would be more secure in caring for yourself, and I wonder if you would even be gay today.” While a variety of other ways of processing the loss of father’s caring and changing the current sexual arousal associations, is involved in the therapeutic process, the above exchange is an example of how a common core issue may be addressed with individuals wanting to change same-sex attraction.