TABLE OF CONTENTS 6 New parenting perspectives 6
Your new role — Advice from an expert
8
Who do you call?
10
What happens to family traditions?
TABLE OF CONTENTS
12 A time of transition for your student 12
The first six weeks of college
14
What will the year look like?
16
Security checklist
18
Six ways to help your student fight off the lonely feeling
20 Success in and out of the classroom 20
The academic adjustment from high school to college
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Your student and the one tough class
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A budget for all seasons
26
Will your student work?
28
College to Career 101
30
Foundations of health and wellness
33 A glimpse ahead 33
Top 5 spring semester action items
35
Housing decisions for next year
37
Opportunities in the upper years
39 Meet our writers
YOUR NEW ROLE
ADVICE FROM AN EXPERT
Now in its sixth edition, Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years is a classic. CollegiateParent reached out to coauthor Karen Levin Coburn for her best nuggets of advice, plus thoughts on how being a college parent has changed since her book was first published 20 years ago.
Q
What are some of the main changes you’ve observed in parent-student relationships?
A
Today’s students and parents tend to be in constant contact throughout the high school years. They check in multiple times during the day about appointments, athletic practices and errands. Many students turn to their parents before anyone else for advice and support, and it’s not unusual to hear students talk about their mom or dad as their “best friend.” When these students come to college, it’s easier for them and their parents to keep in touch than it has ever been before. It’s also more challenging for families to find the balance between staying connected and letting go. College students benefit greatly from having supportive, interested, loving parents. They also benefit from parents who will encourage them to chart their own course and learn to make their own decisions.
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NEW PARENTING PERSPECTIVES
Q
What are the best things parents can do and say to support their students’ independence?
A
1. Instead of jumping in and taking over, parents can encourage their students to solve problems by using the resources of the college. 2. Showing interest in their studies instead of asking about grades is very helpful. This allows students to take the lead — to teach something to parents instead of the other way around. 3. Parents can support their students’ evolving interests, changing majors, changing ideas. Always keep in mind who is going to college and whose life path this is. 4. Parents can be ready to help their students learn from their failures. 5. Don’t expect answers to every text or email. Lack of an answer often means their student is engaged and busy and happy! 6. Often just listening is the best support. One student remembered calling home to complain about a problem and her mom simply saying, “sometimes growing up is a [expletive]!” The student proclaimed it the best thing her mother could have said.
Q A
How much communication is appropriate? There is no such thing as the perfect amount of communication. More important than the amount is the quality. If students are checking in daily just to say hello or give reports of what’s going on, that’s fine. If they are calling and asking you to figure out what courses they should take or how they should deal with a problem in the residence hall, it’s important to steer them in the right direction and not get caught up in trying to take care of things for them. Some students are in contact a lot and others simply aren’t. And the same student may change in the amount of communication over the years. It’s helpful if parents and students discuss with each other what their expectations are about keeping in touch — frequency, method, who will initiate the contact — and make a tentative plan. Then revisit that plan and renegotiate expectations over time.
Karen Levin Coburn is Senior Consultant in Residence and Assistant Vice Chancellor at Washington University in St. Louis and coauthor of Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years.
www.CollegiateParent.com
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WHO DO YOU CALL? Campus resources for students (and families, too) By Priscilla Childress
New experiences and challenges are going to come fast and furious for your first-year student. As fall semester gets underway, you might be expecting that first panicked or emotional phone call. When and if they call to ask what they should do in a particular situation, you may find yourself rattling off a response almost without thinking about it. Slow down! Remember, they are adults now. Instead of telling them what to do, listen carefully to their concerns. Then refer them to the many resources available on campus. There are several ways to find useful resources for your student — and for yourself as well.
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•
Familiarize yourself with the college website. Type words in the search bar and see where they lead.
•
Utilize the materials you were given at orientation. This could include a family handbook or calendar. If you weren’t able to attend orientation,
visit the college website (search “new student orientation”). Most orientation offices post resources from their sessions. •
Get to know the parent and family office. The parent and family office is dedicated to helping you, the family member, partner with the university to support your student during their college career. The staff will share information, direct you to offices that can help your student, and listen to you as you support your student. Never hesitate to contact them by email or phone when you have questions, and don’t forget to bookmark the parent and family webpage on your browser.
NEW PARENTING PERSPECTIVES These are good first steps — what about specifics? Let’s look at some common first year “panic points.”
conversations. If things escalate, the RA will help your student in reaching out to the next level of assistance.
Academic issues
Getting a job
College is harder than high school. Students who cruised through high school might meet their first B, C or even a failing grade. It’s not the end of the world. When the grades are lower than expected, there is plenty of support for your student.
Encourage your student to visit the student employment office. The staff maintains listings of jobs for students on and off campus, and can help your student find a job that aligns with their major, hobbies and interests. If your student isn’t ready to work right off the bat, another round of hiring for on-campus positions will likely happen at the start of second semester.
First, encourage your student to ask questions in class and stop by their professor’s office during office hours. Another key resource is the syllabus they received on the first day of class. The syllabus is their class lifeline. It includes dates of tests and projects, assignments that need to be completed, and the professor’s contact information. Second, refer your student to the campus tutoring center. Smart students know when to ask for help, and the tutors trained by the school are ready and willing to work with your student as they develop higherlevel academic skills.
Financial assistance The word to remember is FAFSA, which stands for Free Application for Federal Student Aid. It’s the key to your student receiving financial assistance. Refer your student to the college office of financial aid; the staff is well equipped to answer their questions about Pell Grants, loans, scholarships and much more.
Roommate drama Roommate issues are common. Who will clean the room and when? What about guests? Communication is key — your student and their roommate(s) should talk about expectations early in the semester.
Mental health challenges Suggest your student visit the campus counseling center. We all know that sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone other than a family member or friend, and the professionals at the counseling center can fill that role for your student. The Dean of Students is another good resource. If your student is struggling with academics, personal relationships or just needs someone to talk to, the Dean of Students can facilitate conversations that will lead your student down the path of success.
Changing majors Odds are your student will change their major at least once, and that’s okay! When they are considering changing their major, their academic advisor can talk them through the process. Advisors help students choose classes and map out a four-year plan. They are good listeners who have students’ best interests at heart. Encourage your student to visit their academic advisor at least twice a semester.
If conflicts arise, remind your student that their Resident Assistant (RA) is there to help. The RA lives near your student and is trained to mediate the tough www.CollegiateParent.com
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WHAT HAPPENS TO FAMILY TRADITIONS? By Connie Lissner
Before my oldest son left for college, I never imagined our family’s traditions might come to a screeching halt when the kids left home. I thought that chocolate chip pancake breakfasts in bed on birthday mornings, apple picking in the fall, and celebrating half birthdays with half a cake were sacred. These were, after all, the memories that defined our family. So, what happens when a son or daughter leaves home? Are you supposed to maintain the status quo, trudging through the apple orchard every fall sans children, for instance, or do you scrap the tradition and move on? Who knew that family traditions had a shelf life? 10
It was inevitable that my boys would outgrow some traditions, like pumpkin patch photo ops and handprint turkey decorations for the Thanksgiving table, but others weren’t so obvious. For instance, I didn’t focus on the fact that my kids would be at school during applepicking season or might be studying abroad over Thanksgiving.
NEW PARENTING PERSPECTIVES And yet, there we were, at Thanksgiving dinner last year, without one of our boys. Our oldest was in Italy for a semester during his junior year of college and it was simply not realistic for the rest of the family to fly to Europe to celebrate with him (although, believe me, I tried to make it work). I was worried that he would be homesick or lonely. He, however, had already come up with a plan to spend the holiday eating Italian food with his new friends. He was perfectly happy with the adjustment. I, on the other hand, was not. Although I didn’t really believe that he and his brother would abandon us and our traditions so easily (he did, after all, make me cook an entire Thanksgiving dinner when he got back from Rome), the experience reminded me of the difficulty of maintaining traditions as you expand your world. I forced similar changes on my own parents, first with college, then work obligations, then later when I got married and had children. My husband and I come from different religious backgrounds and as much as we have tried to incorporate many of our respective religious and cultural customs (we have a Christmas tree and a menorah), our traditions are certainly more watered down than those we grew up with. I’m sure that was not the scenario our parents contemplated when they introduced their family traditions, but they didn’t have much choice but to adapt. And adapting is key, according to family therapist Christina Jones, LCSW. “The face-to-face contact and connection that comes from these moments is invaluable in strengthening family bonds. If you don’t adapt, you risk losing any contact.” But, you might wonder, doesn’t the idea of changing a tradition defeat the meaning of a “tradition”? If you constantly need to ditch or adjust your family traditions as your kids get older, what’s the point of starting them in the first place?
“Family traditions are definitely worth creating and preserving,” Jones said. “These traditions are a form of self-care; a way of putting yourself and family first. Traditions are a way of saying ‘no matter how busy we might be, we always make time for this because it’s important.’” For me, family traditions are a way to reinforce the importance of spending time together and also acknowledge how special each individual in the family is. Although face-to-face contact is in short supply when your students are in college, you can make the most of the time when they are home plus get creative if you want to continue traditions long distance. If it means I need to order a half dozen, ridiculously expensive cupcakes from a local bakery in lieu of trying to ship half a homemade cake for a half-birthday, so be it. And if I have to beg — or bribe — my boys to spend five minutes with me to make our annual New Year’s Day list of “family accomplishments and things to remember” from the previous year, then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll even let friends and significant others join in on family game nights. I’m all about adjusting if that means I still get to spend time with my boys.
Although face-to-face contact is in short supply when your students are in college, you can make the most of the time when they are home plus get creative if you want to continue traditions long distance.
www.CollegiateParent.com
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THE FIRST SIX WEEKS OF COLLEGE By Diane Schwemm
You may have heard that the first six weeks can set the tone for your student’s entire freshman year. There’s truth in that, but it’s important for students and their families not to panic if the start of the year is a bit rough. By understanding what your new college student is experiencing, you'll feel better able to support them as they meet the challenges of freshman year.
They’re the ones going off to college. How do parents fit in? We are still actively parenting our college freshmen even as we encourage their independence. Being in regular touch with us can help them stay grounded during this time of transition. Don’t send a flurry of texts “just to check in,” but do schedule a weekly phone or video chat (especially if you are not hearing much). There may be a lot of back and forth messages as they get settled in, and this is natural. They have a lot to share. If you’re on the receiving end of what feels like an excessive amount of texting/calling, consider gently disentangling yourself.
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The intoxication of newfound independence College is the first time most freshmen have been fully in charge of their own routine. Your student will make choices every day and night about how to allocate all those blocks of “free” time. When you check in with them, don’t overlook the obvious. Your student may need gentle reminders to: •
Eat and sleep on a regular schedule
•
Enjoy socializing but make sure class attendance and studying always come first
•
Tackle the time management challenge with the help of a planner or calendar (paper or electronic)
•
Find some good study spots on campus (probably not the residence hall)
A TIME OF TRANSITION FOR YOUR STUDENT
Social life and personal safety and responsibility It’s common knowledge that partying takes place on most campuses, especially in the fall. In addition, at some universities, fraternity and sorority rush kicks right in. Ask your first-year student about the social scene and the new friends they've made. They may or may not be going to parties and may or may not want to talk to you about it, but you can still share that you expect them to follow campus rules about alcohol and illegal substances. On a related topic, you may have heard the first six weeks of college referred to as the “red zone” — a time when young first-year women in particular are at increased risk of sexual assault. When we talk to our students about healthy relationships and personal responsibility, we let them know we care about their safety and happiness, and trust that they’ll strive to be respectful members of their college community.
Finding a place
Your student will find their place, but it may take time. A few observations about “fitting in”: •
•
Some freshman roommates click right away, but for others it takes a while. It’s okay not to be best friends as long as they are considerate of each other and their common space. Are they thinking about going to a choral group or theatre audition, or a club or team meeting? They won’t regret putting themselves out there, so cheer them on. Most groups welcome freshmen, and it’s a good way to make friends and accelerate the sense of belonging.
•
Your student can drop by the student union and career center — both good places to meet people and find out about fun opportunities for engagement. Campuses tend to have vibrant, welcoming faith communities as well, and this might appeal if going to worship or youth group was part of their routine at home.
COMMUTER STUDENT CONNECTION First-year students living at home may need to work harder to make friends and feel connected. To support your commuter student, encourage them to: •
Join clubs and organizations
•
Consider on-campus employment or volunteering
•
Choose small classes and discussion sections when possible
•
Purchase a partial meal plan
Remember that your commuter student will need to spend most of their time on campus, and will be less available for family meals and helping out at home.
www.CollegiateParent.com
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WHAT WILL THE YEAR LOOK LIKE? OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
Fun fall events on campus
First illness away from home
Midterm exam pressure (go to faculty office hours!)
Plan next semester’s classes
Perfect time to send a care package
Explore campus career resources Thanksgiving break!
FAFSA available for financial aid renewal
OCTOBER
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NOVEMBER
FEBRUARY
MARCH
Watch out for the “winter blues”
Midterms
Start thinking about summer jobs and internships or taking a summer class
Spring break — Have fun and stay safe!
Spring break plans
Finalize next year’s housing arrangements
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Take care of mental health
FEBRUARY 02 14
MARCH 03
A TIME OF TRANSITION FOR YOUR STUDENT
SEPTEMBER Academic adjustment Join clubs, make new friends Roommate issues Homesickness
SEPTEMBER
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DECEMBER
JANUARY
Study hard for finals
Talk about 1st semester grades, set goals for 2nd semester
Lonely or changing friend groups?
Revisit the budget
Home for winter break and a much-deserved rest
DECEMBER
Get a campus job? Choose a roommate and plan for next year’s housing
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01
JANUARY
APRIL
MAY
Spring advising meeting
Final exams
Final projects and papers
Packing up
Confirm summer job/internship/ summer class/travel plans
Welcome home!
Prepare for move-out
APRIL 04 www.CollegiateParent.com
MAY
05 15
SECURITY CHECKLIST Remind your student to be proactive about protecting personal safety, their belongings and their identity. Lock residence hall room at all times. Take valuable items home over breaks. Register laptops and bikes with the campus police department, and always lock bikes — preferably with a high-quality u-lock. Sign up for emergency “campus alerts” (this may be an option for family members, too). Trade family phone numbers/emails with roommate. Attend campus trainings on sexual assault prevention and bystander intervention. Party safely and use the buddy system. Consider personal safety keychain alarms or pepper spray. Utilize campus police late-night escorts and safe-ride programs. Keep digital devices password-protected and don’t share passwords. Be cautious on public WiFi (don’t log into your bank account or buy something with a credit card).
In case of a campus emergency: •
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Colleges and universities devise emergency plans and rehearse responses with the campus community through regular drills. If there is a drill, ask your student what they learned — going over with you what they should do in different situations (a weather emergency, fire, etc.) may fix it more firmly in their mind. Keeping a stash of emergency supplies in their room and/or car is a good idea, too.
•
Follow your student’s school on social media (Facebook and Twitter). The emergency management department may have its own Twitter feed.
•
Breaking news should be posted on the school website home page, and you can call the main campus information line for recorded updates.
www.CollegiateParent.com
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SIX WAYS
TO HELP YOUR STUDENT FIGHT OFF THE LONELY FEELING By Jennifer See
Jamie was 20 when, after two years of living at home and attending community college, she moved on campus at her state university. She looked forward to the academic opportunity, as well as the social scene and the many new friends she hoped to make living in an apartment complex. But then the loneliness set in. “I had a roommate, but she stayed in her room all the time,” Jamie said. “On campus I was surrounded by people, but the reality was I didn’t know anyone. I thought it would be so easy to meet people in my classes, but everyone kept to themselves. It was totally different than I thought it would be.” Adjustment to college can be tough for various reasons. Students have left a familiar environment, a close-knit group of friends that grew up together, and comfortable living arrangements. Students who were once academic or athletic
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superstars can feel like small fish in a big pond, and the project of “starting over” can be overwhelming.
What can college students do to feel less isolated and more connected? 1. Unplug electronics If your daughter or son is feeling lonely, encourage them to spend less time viewing social media (where people tend to post photos of themselves having SO MUCH FUN). Turning off the computer or phone and venturing into the common areas of the residence hall or apartment building is a first step in meeting new friends.
A TIME OF TRANSITION FOR YOUR STUDENT
someone they’re having a bad day and talking about it can help them get through it. 5. Distract yourself If your student was on the track team, suggest they go running. If they enjoyed art, set them up with supplies so they can paint or create something. If they miss their pets, encourage them to volunteer to walk dogs at a local shelter. Finding an enjoyable activity to occupy their mind and body can help your son or daughter through a rough time. 6. Find a counselor If your student is still struggling, insist they seek counseling at the campus counseling center or make an appointment with an individual therapist. 2. Find your crew “Find people that care about you and that you care about,” Jamie said. In college, it takes some effort to meet new people. Your student should attend residence hall mixers and social event nights (even if they don’t always feel like it). 3. Get involved The great thing about college is that there is something for everyone. Encourage your student to immediately join a group, club or organization so they can meet people with similar interests. They can do this at any point during the semester.
Parents: Make sure to ask your student if they feel lonely. Reassure them that it’s perfectly okay to feel lonely every now and then; adults deal with this, too. But if the feeling is constant, it should be addressed. As for Jamie? She assures students that things will get better — including loneliness. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself,” she said. “You are balancing homework, life and school and it is difficult. Give yourself a break, but also, take charge of yourself. Even when you’re not motivated to go out and meet people, make yourself do it. You’ll feel better.”
4. Reach out Make sure your student knows the importance of reaching out to friends and family when they feel lonely. “I was horrible about telling my parents or friends how I was feeling because I didn’t want to burden them,” Jamie said. “Don’t try to handle it alone.” Simply telling www.CollegiateParent.com
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THE ACADEMIC ADJUSTMENT FROM HIGH SCHOOL TO COLLEGE By Vicki Nelson
In high school, students have little control over their schedule and both teachers and parents help them stay on track. In college, students are expected to keep track of their own work and progress. Students who are ready to advocate for themselves and take advantage of the support available are students who succeed. You can support your first-year student by talking with them about how their college academic experiences will differ from high school in three major areas.
•
Instead of regular quizzes and chapter tests, there may only be two or three big tests or projects.
•
The professor may or may not consider attendance, attitude and effort when calculating your student’s final grade.
1. Classes and assignments •
•
Students might not be tested on reading assignments given at the start of the semester until late in the semester or even on the final exam.
•
Professors may not remind students of upcoming assignments or exams and may spend little or no time reviewing material. Students are expected to manage their own progress by following the syllabus, and in general the pace of classes is faster.
•
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Lectures may not directly follow the textbook, but students are still responsible for material covered in the book as well as in class.
College assignments often emphasize theory and the application of concepts over learning facts.
2. Expectations outside of the classroom
•
Free time: Most high school students spend 6–7 hours a day in class, five days a week. College students may spend as little as 12– 15 hours per week in the classroom. Those extra 20+ “free” hours per week mean that students are free to schedule their study time as they wish, not that they don’t have anything to do during that time.
•
Doing the work: Students are expected to do most of their coursework outside of class. They can expect to spend an average of two hours outside of the classroom for every hour spent in the classroom. In other words,
SUCCESS IN AND OUT OF THE CLASSROOM
a student carrying 15 credits (15 classroom hours) should be spending an additional 30 hours per week on classwork. Many students who struggle academically do so not because of their ability but because they underestimate the amount of time they should spend studying. •
style doesn’t seem to match the professor’s teaching style, they may need to reach out for clarification of material. Teaching Assistants are upper level students who help run discussion sections, labs and study sessions and are approachable and knowledgeable.
Finding help: Almost every college offers resources to help students succeed. However, students are responsible for knowing those resources, recognizing their need for help, and taking advantage of the help available. Encourage your student to seek help early and often.
3. Relationships with professors
Many college students don’t take advantage of the mentoring that faculty members can provide. You can help your student understand the importance of connecting with instructors and also give them tips for how to foster this connection. •
Taking the initiative: In high school, students have daily contact with their teachers. In college, they may see a particular professor only a couple of times a week. Most professors want to get to know their students better and help them succeed, but it’s the student’s responsibility to reach out.
•
Office hours: Going to office hours is the easiest and best way for students to get to know their professors. Students can use these conversations to get feedback and ask for suggestions about how to improve.
•
Teaching Assistants and study sessions: Most college professors are experts in their field of study, but may have less training in teaching methods. If your student’s learning
of·fice hours Regular times each week when faculty members are available for students to drop by their office without an appointment.
syl·la·bus A document handed out in each class at the start of the semester — it includes the information covered by the course; dates and deadlines for tests, papers and projects; the instructor’s contact information; required books and materials; attendance policy; and grading procedures.
www.CollegiateParent.com
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YOUR STUDENT AND THE
ONE TOUGH CLASS
Last year, CollegiateParent received a question that many readers will relate to, especially around fall semester midterms. The question: I am a first-time college parent. My student completed the first major week of tests and was surprised by one of the classes where the professor tested on things that were not in the syllabus, not discussed in class, not in the book or on the study guide. The teacher is a visiting professor filling in for a professor on sabbatical. The class is all freshmen and the teacher struggles 22
to teach the material so the students understand. This is a fundamental class for my student. What is the parent’s role in this situation? So far I’ve just listened and offered advice. To respond, we reached out to Vicki Nelson, a longtime student success expert who teaches at a college in Massachusetts.
SUCCESS IN AND OUT OF THE CLASSROOM
Vicki’s answer: By listening and offering advice, this parent is serving in exactly the correct role. As uncomfortable as it may be to sit on the sidelines, that’s the appropriate place for a parent. You can help your student see that they have options for action and aren’t stuck. Start by asking what they’ve already tried.
Then here are suggestions to share: 1. Talk to the professor about the exam. Take the syllabus, textbook, lecture notes and test. Be specific about what material on the test doesn’t seem to be included in any of the other sources. The student’s attitude is important! Rather than complaining, they could say, “I want to do better and I seem to have missed where I should have gotten this information. What can I do next time to make sure I find and study the right material?” Since the professor is filling in, they may not realize that students are missing some basic knowledge. 2. Talk to the professor about their classroom experience. You said that “the teacher struggles to teach the material so the students understand.” Perhaps it’s time for a couple of students to visit the professor together. Again, it’s important to be specific but not accusative. Why aren’t the students able to understand? How does the teacher “struggle?” Does the teacher go too fast, cover too much material, lecture too much or not enough? If the students take the attitude that “we want to learn but we’re struggling in class” rather than “you’re not teaching us well,” the instructor may be open to feedback.
3. Form a study group. Are other students in the class struggling? Is the student studying with others or forming a study group? Often when students work together, everyone’s grasp of the material improves. If these approaches don’t help, I’d suggest that the student (or several students) go to the chair of the department to talk. Again, rather than going to “complain” about a professor, going with the open attitude that “we want to learn but we’re struggling” will help. The chair may be able to speak to the professor to help the professor understand what the students need or what some issues might be.
Finally: it’s simply a fact that many first semester freshmen struggle in classes. They haven’t learned enough yet about how to “do college.” Their first tests aren’t good. They may not be used to reading college-level textbooks. They aren’t sure how to take notes in class beyond what’s on a PowerPoint slide. Things that seem like casual conversation or an aside about the subject may actually be information they’re expected to absorb. It is frustrating not to be doing well in a foundational class. Your student should address the situation but should also understand that the frustration is common. They can use this as a learning experience to build stronger study and self-advocacy skills — and start developing an ability to work with different kinds of professors. It’s all part of committing to and owning their educational experience.
www.CollegiateParent.com
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A BUDGET FOR ALL SEASONS By Diane Schwemm with Suzanne Shaffer
When you help your college student make and keep to a spending money budget, you cultivate an important life skill. Every family approaches the spending money issue in their own way. The first step: make a list of your student’s anticipated “flexible” expenses (everything beyond tuition, room, board and student fees). Next, estimate how much each item will be and decide who will pay for what, taking your student’s income into consideration. Their income will come from their savings, earnings from a campus job (if they will work), and possibly an allowance from you (more on that below).
The first semester of college will involve some experimentation. Your student may find it easy to stay within their budget, or end up running short each month. Take a close look at where the money is going.
Flexible expenses can include:
We paid for textbooks freshman year, and sent our daughter and son to school well stocked with clothing, but after that they knew what to expect and could cover those expenses. — College parent
Textbooks Clothing Electronics and school supplies Personal items (toiletries) Linens and dorm furnishings Laundry money Food/drink outside of the meal plan Entertainment Share of the family phone bill Local travel (bus pass, gas) Travel home (train, plane) Recreational travel (weekends, spring break) Sorority/fraternity or club dues 24
A spreadsheet or smartphone app makes all of this easier. Most banks have worksheets you can print out — just Google the name of your bank (or any major bank) plus “budget worksheet.” There are many good budgeting apps — Mint is a tried and true favorite.
Allowances and parental supervision of spending Some families give their students a monthly allowance to supplement the student’s own income and savings. After the first year, especially for students making good money through summer employment, an allowance may no longer be necessary. The opposite can happen,
SUCCESS IN AND OUT OF THE CLASSROOM
too — an upperclassman with an unpaid summer internship may need a cash infusion the following year. A few options if you take this approach: 1. Link your student’s checking account to your account. One college mom likes this because “They use their ATM card as needed but I can see EVERYTHING they spend $$ on.” Her daughter receives a monthly allowance set up as an automatic transfer; they can both view her spending habits and increase the allowance if needed for legitimate expenditures “or cut back if she’s eating too much fast food.” 2. Load money onto their student ID card (used at many colleges for on-campus expenses like laundry, food, printing, etc.). 3. Put your student on your credit card. Again, you can see the charges and review them regularly with your student.
More helpful tips: •
Be clear about what will happen if they don’t stay on budget. Don’t be too quick to bail them out.
•
Discuss how peer pressure (trying to keep up with roommates and friends) can cause students to overspend.
•
Make it a goal for your student to maintain a certain level of savings. It’s important to have an emergency fund.
•
Encourage them to think ahead about extra expenses that might go along with a semester abroad.
•
Revisit financial needs as well as the intensity of your student’s schedule each semester or year (increased academic pressure leaves less time for a paying campus job).
MONEY-SAVING STRATEGIES 1.
Rent textbooks or buy used.
2. Make the most of AP/IB credits from high school. 3. Apply to be an RA (Resident Assistant) after freshman year — RAs typically get free or reduced on-campus housing. 4. Apply for financial aid and scholarships every year. 5. Graduate in four years (consider summer classes if necessary; this will cost less than another full year of college). 6. Leave the car at home (use public transportation, a car sharing service like Zipcar, or a bike).
www.CollegiateParent.com
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WILL YOUR STUDENT WORK? By Suzanne Shaffer
College students who work part-time (15–20 hours a week maximum) during the school year get better grades than those who don’t.* They tend to be more focused, organized and conscientious about budgeting time for study. Many parents also feel that students who contribute financially to their education are more invested and less likely to take the opportunity for granted.
Federal work-study jobs
Work-study funds aren’t directly applied to your student’s tuition bill (as grant/ scholarship aid will be). Instead, like at any other job, your student will receive a paycheck and can use the income to cover out-of-pocket expenses.
If your student was awarded federal work-study as part of their financial aid package, it’s important to understand how it works. Being awarded the funds doesn’t guarantee your student a job. Work-study jobs are filled first come, first served. Your student should contact the college’s financial aid office ASAP to learn what positions are available and how to apply. Coveted on-campus work-study jobs will go quickly.
Note: Students who would like work-study over the summer (if this is an option at their university) need to apply separately for summer financial aid. Information and an application will be available in the spring. It’s not a requirement to be taking summer classes if they’re fully enrolled during the adjacent spring and fall semesters, but funding may be more limited so they should act quickly.
Some students need to work; some students want to work. The good news is they have a wide variety of employment options both on and off campus.
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SUCCESS IN AND OUT OF THE CLASSROOM
Searching on and off campus Any student can apply for part-time jobs on campus. The career services and student employment offices will host job fairs and maintain online job listings. It’s easy to search for a position that might line up with a potential career interest as well as provide needed supplemental income. Students can also check the flyers posted on bulletin boards in academic departments, residence halls and other campus buildings. Maybe your student would welcome a change of scenery. Local employers often hire college students and are happy to work around their schedules. Your student can pound the pavement the oldfashioned way, or search online.
Networking Fellow students often have the inside track on the best campus jobs. When my daughter was looking for a position, she talked to upperclassmen she met during orientation. One knew of an opening in the financial aid office where she worked and recommended my daughter to her supervisor. Before even arriving on campus, my daughter had a job waiting for the fall semester. If your student makes a connection with a professor in their major or another area of interest, this can also be a good route. The professor may hire students, or know of colleagues or local businesses looking for students to work at paid internships (a terrific resumé builder). *
A comprehensive 2009 study published by NASPA, “First-Year Students’ Employment, Engagement, and Academic Achievement: Untangling the Relationship between Work and Grades” by G.R. Pike, G.D. Kuh and R.C. Massa-McKinley, is often cited and its findings have held up over time.
ON-CAMPUS JOB OPTIONS Here are a few on-campus departments that tend to hire students: •
Admissions office
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Recreation center
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Library
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Dining facilities
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Bookstore
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Museums and art galleries
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Theatre
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Alumni office
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COLLEGE TO CAREER 101 By Lauren Herskovic
A college degree is not an automatic ticket to a career. This fact has a lot of people (including concerned parents) talking, mostly about jobless college grads living on their parents’ couches. Some people are questioning the value of a college education. The truth is, a college education is 100% worth it. Students just need to understand how to leverage these four magical years into a promising career or admission to graduate school. Welcome to College to Career 101! Here are five things your student should do during college to prepare for what comes next.
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Explore Some students arrive on campus knowing what they want to do and some don’t. Others think they know and change direction when they get there. College is an opportunity for students to figure out who they are and what they love. They need to find those intriguing classes (even if they don’t seem “practical” or relate to an intended major) and take them. Exploration exposes students to new subjects and ways of thinking. Best case: they discover a passion that leads to a potential career. Worst case: they’ve broadened their minds a bit.
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Get involved College campuses teem with student groups and activities. There’s something for everyone and your student should jump right in. Just like high school, it’s not the number of activities but the level of involvement that matters. Whether student government, Greek life, a cultural or service organization, campus politics or sports, they can get involved, have an impact and, when they’re ready, take on a leadership role. Campus involvement leads to a happier overall college experience, boosts academic success and contributes to a stronger resumé. When your student applies to graduate school or for a job, being able to show leadership or relevant experience will set them apart from other applicants. BONUS! Activities also give them more awesome people with whom to…
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SUCCESS IN AND OUT OF THE CLASSROOM
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Network While students are making friends and having fun, it’s important they think ahead and make connections, too. With fellow students, TAs, professors, everyone. They should get to know people and make sure people know them. It will come in handy in ways they can’t even imagine now, which is why most students don’t think to do this on their own and may need a push from you. The college network may be the most valuable thing they leave with at graduation.
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Get to know — and stay in touch with — professors. Encourage your student to talk to professors after class and go to office hours. Does a professor have research your student can assist with? This is terrific experience, especially if the subject relates to their career goals. Through their own networks, professors may be able to help with job placement. They will also be able to write stronger graduate school letters of recommendation if they have developed a mentoring relationship with your student.
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Do an internship. Whether during the semester or over the summer, internships are important for many reasons — here are the three biggies. 1. Students get real-life experience in a field. 2. Internships look great on their resumé because they illustrate your student’s initiative and desire to challenge themselves and gain new skills. 3. Internships give students a chance to see if they like a field. Speaking as someone who tried three careers before finding the one that truly fit, I wish I had dabbled when the stakes were lower.
College campuses offer many more career prep resources: speaker series, career counseling, on-campus recruiting, mock interviews, etc. The list is almost endless — it’s up to your student (with you cheering them on) to take advantage of the opportunities. 29
FOUNDATIONS OF HEALTH AND WELLNESS
Conversations with your student By Jennifer See
GET MORE SLEEP!
Sleep is crucial for both physical and mental health. Eight hours of sleep a night is the recommended amount for an adult to feel completely rested. Unfortunately, most college students get much less. Consequences of sleep loss for college students include more illness, such as colds and flu; feeling more stressed out; increased weight gain and obesity; lower Grade Point Average; increased mental health issues; increased automobile accidents; and decreased performance in athletics and other activities. One first-year student I counseled observed how hard it was to regulate sleep away from home. “In high school, you are on a way different schedule,” he said. “School starts at the same time every 30
day, and most nights, you’re home at nine or ten. In college, you might have a class start at noon so you stay up late and sleep late, then you take a nap. It really messes up your sleep schedule.” What can college students do to incorporate more sleep into 24 hours already packed with classes, studying, part-time campus jobs, friends and activities? They can start by establishing sleep rituals. Advise your student to: •
Have a comfortable mattress topper and bedding to entice sleeping
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Use earplugs and sleep masks if roommates keep different hours
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Avoid caffeine 3–4 hours before bedtime
SUCCESS IN AND OUT OF THE CLASSROOM •
Limit use of phone and electronics in bed or one hour before bedtime
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Exercise regularly, but not 2–3 hours before sleeping
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Limit alcoholic beverages before bedtime
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Track sleeping patterns using a Fitbit or other device (seeing the numbers can make them more aware of the extent of their sleep deprivation, and they can set goals to get more sleep the next night)
As parents, keep the conversation going about the importance of sleep. Check in with your student frequently and ask specific questions like: “How much sleep are you getting? Are you having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep? How much do you sleep during the day?” Consistent lack of sleep or too much sleep can signal bigger issues, such as anxiety or depression. If you’re concerned about this, encourage your student to visit the campus counseling center.
TALK ABOUT ALCOHOL AND DRUGS
College brings unprecedented freedom. Students may experiment with drugs and alcohol — perhaps for the first time — or, unbeknownst to parents, start down a path to some serious trouble with their substance use.
According to a 2016 study by the American College Health Association, 62.6% percent of all college undergraduates reported alcohol use within the last 30 days of being surveyed, 19.8% reported using marijuana, and 16.6% reported driving after having alcohol. From a distance, parents can’t control what students do in their spare time. However, parents can bring up this important topic regularly. Based on my personal experience as a chemical dependency counselor and as a college parent, here are tips for keeping the conversation about drugs and alcohol going.
Ask direct questions. “Do you drink at parties? What are you drinking? How much are you using and how are you getting it? Are you smoking pot or trying other things, such as Molly or LSD?”
Put safety measures in place. Let your student know that you are there for them, even from miles away. Do they need access to Uber or Lyft? Help them open an account. Talk with them about how they might handle themselves in various situations. Acknowledging the kinds of things that can happen, and brainstorming possible responses, can help them steer clear of trouble.
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Keep your reactions in check. Nothing will shut down a conversation faster than judging or immediately disapproving of their choices. While it’s easier said than done, if your student opens up to you, just listen, even if you’re upset by what you’re hearing. Your reaction will set the tone, and establish a precedent, for any future conversations.
Don’t praise or laugh off substance use. If your student tells you they have a hangover, saying “It won’t be your last one!” or telling them they need a better tolerance can send the message that you condone their drinking. Many students I’ve treated have told me that their parents reacted this way when their drug or alcohol use was discovered. Oftentimes, these kids were subtly (or not so subtly!) letting their parents know that their drinking or smoking was getting out of hand.
Remind them of your expectations. Your family’s standards of behavior don’t end just because your student is out of your sight. Substance use and abuse can negatively impact their health and school performance and, as we see too often in the news, have deadly outcomes. Make sure your student knows your expectations and that consequences can and will occur if they break school and family rules.
Keep the dialogue open. Let your student know you are a safe place to land. Maybe they need to vent about their roommate’s substance use. Or maybe your student did something they are not proud of with regard to drugs or alcohol and need to talk about it. What can you do if, after these discussions, you deem there is a problem? Know your campus counseling resources. Find a local counselor who specializes in substance use and abuse. Get your student some help. Above all, keep the conversation going. It’s too important to ignore. 32
MORE HEALTH TIPS 1.
Make sure your student has a first aid/health care kit including a thermometer, and knows when to go to the campus health center.
2. Complete a HIPAA (health information) release form with your student so you can be part of conversations and decisions relating to their treatment in case of illness or emergency. 3. Encourage your student to get a flu shot (often offered for free on campus). 4. Talk up the benefits of a regular exercise routine, whether it’s running or yoga.
MOREACONVERSATIONS GLIMPSE AHEAD
TOP 5 SPRING
SEMESTER ACTION ITEMS FOR YOUR STUDENT By Suzanne Shaffer
Students are back on campus following a well-deserved winter break. Spring semester will soon be in full swing! There are activities and tasks that are unique to the second semester. This Top 5 should be on your student’s radar:
1. Meeting with their academic advisor. Early in spring semester is the perfect time for a big picture conversation. Your student and their advisor can evaluate the previous semester(s) and, if your student is a couple of years in, do an academic audit. Your student should confirm that they’re on track to graduate with no unpleasant surprises waiting for them senior year (i.e., coming up a few credits short). A meeting with an advisor can also help prepare your student for future course selections and provide a chance to ask questions about their major and electives.
2. Visiting the financial aid office. If your student receives financial aid (need-based or merit), they should make an appointment at the financial aid office. Students wishing to apply for or renew financial aid must complete paperwork — due dates vary, and may involve completing an online form for the school plus the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) and possibly the CSS Profile. Any loans for the spring semester will need to be signed, and this is a good time to verify the status of grants and scholarships, especially those with academic requirements. While there, your student should get a list of all loans and take inventory of their college debt.
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3. Diving into study abroad tasks. Does your student hope to study abroad next year? Applications for fall programs are due this spring. There’s still time to meet with a study abroad advisor and research programs, but your student shouldn’t procrastinate. Planning for study abroad is a lot of work, comparable to taking an extra class. If your student has already been accepted to a program, they should start completing required tasks. Waiting until the last minute is not an option! It can take weeks or even months to get an appointment at the consulate to apply for a student visa, and more time for the passport and visa to be returned.
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4. Preparing for on-campus housing selection. The process typically gets rolling in late winter. Many colleges use a lottery or “room draw” system. Students may enter as an individual or in a group. Friend groups shift a lot during the first year of college, so it’s important for your student to be informed and flexible, and to prepare ahead of time.
5. Dropping by the career center. It’s time to polish up that resumé and apply for summer jobs, internships and research opportunities. Your student can attend career prep workshops (how to write a cover letter and prepare for an interview, for example) and spring job fairs. If the college has funding available for students accepting unpaid internships or staying on campus to do research, applications will be due this spring.
A GLIMPSE AHEAD
HOUSING DECISIONS FOR NEXT YEAR By Wendy Redal
During second semester, students start planning for next year’s housing. They compare on- and off-campus options, consider which friends would make good roommates or housemates, and factor their daily routine and budget into the equation. It’s an exciting but also sometimes nerve-wracking process, especially for freshmen. STAYING ON CAMPUS More floor plans to choose from For second-year students and beyond, there’s usually a wider selection of room configurations available, from singles to suite-style apartments. Pricing may vary.
Special-interest housing Your student may want to consider residential communities that center on a common interest or cause. Many universities have academically themed or
interest-based learning communities, and more schools are offering gender nonspecific residence halls or floors.
College-owned apartments They’ve been described as “apartments with training wheels.” Utilities and internet are generally included and, since there’s a kitchen, students may not have to buy a campus meal plan or can choose a reduced plan. Bedrooms may be shared or private. Best of all, such accommodations are charged on an academic-year, rather than 12-month, lease.
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MOVING OFF CAMPUS Consider your budget Decide what you can afford for your student’s monthly living costs and use that figure as a starting point. Things to research:
Review the lease carefully For most students, this will be their first experience with a detailed legal document. A landlord may require a parent co-signer if the student doesn’t have a rental or credit history. In my son’s case, his father and I insisted he send us a copy of the lease so we could review it.
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What are typical rental rates in the community? You may need to pay more for a well-maintained property.
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Can your student afford a single room or will they need to share?
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What are typical utility costs? How about “extras” like cable and internet?
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What’s required up front in addition to a security deposit? First and last month’s rent?
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Will there be transportation costs to get to campus?
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What dates does the lease cover?
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What utilities are provided (heat, water, garbage collection, etc.)?
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What are tenants’ responsibilities for upkeep (lawn mowing, maintenance, snow removal, etc.)?
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How about furnishings and appliances?
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Look closely at food costs. Students who cook for themselves can save money, but for many it’s convenient (and healthier) to keep a partial campus meal plan.
Before going online… Help your student pin down what they have in mind: How many roommates (i.e., how many bed/bathrooms)? Apartment or house? Do they need storage for bikes, skis, etc.? How close to campus would they like to be? Are there safety concerns? Next, encourage them to utilize local student housing support services. The college housing office may have information about off-campus life. Some property management firms specialize in student rentals and can be a helpful place to start.
Meet the landlord and see the rental in person Encourage your student to take a friend along to meet the landlord and confirm that the property is as advertised. This gives your student a chance to ask
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questions such as: What are typical utility costs? Is subleasing allowed and on what terms?
Be clear about the following:
Take photos before moving in Your student should document the condition of the house or apartment, and in particular their room, when the lease is signed. Pay special attention to stains on the ceiling, holes in walls, a cracked bathroom sink, etc. so that, if there is a dispute at the end of the lease, your student can prove their case and get their security deposit back.
Purchase renter’s insurance In the event of fire, burglary, water damage and so on, renter’s insurance is essential to cover the cost of lost property, including valuable items like laptops and bicycles.
GLIMPSE AHEAD MOREACONVERSATIONS
OPPORTUNITIES IN THE UPPER YEARS Contributors: Scott Sager, Diane Schwemm, Suzanne Shaffer
All sorts of new opportunities await students beyond the first year of college, from overseas study to research and teaching assistantships on campus. Working with professors Students who build relationships with their professors are more likely to succeed during college and after college as they enter the job market or apply to graduate school. It may take a semester or two, but your student should get more and more confident about going to office hours and being an active participant in each of their classes. Teaching Assistant (TA) When hiring Teaching Assistants (for which students receive either course credit or payment), professors look for students who excel in class and exhibit a serious interest in the area of study. TAs grade papers, help run labs and study sessions and administer exams. Your
student may be invited to apply for a TA position but they can also inquire about openings. Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program (UROP) Getting to know a professor could also lead to a chance to participate in a research project. There are both informal and more organized research programs — UROP is an example of the latter. UROP projects occur during the academic year and/or in the summer session and may last for a semester or continue for a year or more. UROP students often receive course credit for their research. Each college has its own criteria for UROP projects — your student should consult the UROP section of the college website for more information.
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Study Abroad
Internships
Study abroad is a common part of the college experience today, and can be easier and more affordable than many parents think. The Institute of International Education’s 2017 “Open Doors” report found that 15.5% of bachelors degree recipients studied abroad as undergrads. Nearly every college provides access to programs, planning advice and financial assistance.
For many college students, the old-fashioned summer job (lifeguarding, babysitting, scooping ice cream) has given way to a broad range of work experiences lumped together under the heading “internships.” It’s a trend your student should jump right into. Recent studies find that students who’ve done internships are three times more likely to get a job offer upon graduation than those without.
How do these programs work and what do they cost? Schools continue to eliminate barriers for students. Many run their own foreign programs — credits automatically show up on transcripts and tuition and fees, including financial aid, remain the same while the student is overseas. Other exchange programs let students enroll in a foreign university but pay tuition and fees (and continue receiving financial aid) at their home institution. Academic preparations are necessary. Some programs have language requirements or other prerequisites. Students need to look at their major requirements and the impact being away from campus will have on their transcript. For students who want a new academic experience or change of scenery without leaving the country, many colleges and universities participate in domestic exchange programs. The National Student Exchange (www.nse.org) is a good source of information.
Encourage your student to attend campus study abroad fairs and meet with an advisor in the study abroad/ global education office. Visit the college website to learn about policies and deadlines, health and safety abroad, and more.
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Every internship affords resumé-worthy experience. Many also offer: •
Organized classes and workshops and the chance to use industry standard equipment and software
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Pay, ranging from a lunch stipend to commuting expenses to a real wage (although some provide nothing)
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Academic credit (requires coordination with your student’s college)
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Attendance at professional and social events
The campus career center or a conversation with a favorite professor is a great place to start the internship search. Remind your student that, like a real job, getting an internship takes work and persistence. They may need to apply for a dozen to receive one offer. Parents have a role to play, too. You can help your student keep track of deadlines and the steps required to complete an application. You may yourself be a resource, connecting your student (or one of their friends) with opportunities through your professional contacts. You might also: •
Proofread resumés and cover letters
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Coach your student for interviews and offer perspective on wardrobe (if they’ll let you!)
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Explain appropriate follow up (thankyou notes and emails after interviews)
MEET OUR WRITERS
MEET OUR WRITERS PRISCILLA CHILDRESS is
the Assistant Director of New Student and Family Programs at Missouri State University. A longtime CollegiateParent advisor and contributor, Priscilla is the mother of two college graduates.
LAUREN HERSKOVIC is Chief Operating Officer at Admissionado, an admissions consulting and mentoring company. Her advice has been featured in The New York Times, Huffington Post, The Chicago Tribune, Cosmopolitan magazine and more. CONNIE LISSNER is a writer, lawyer, wife and the mother of two college students. Connie’s work has been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, Grown and Flown, LifeAfter50 and many other sites as well as in Not Your Mother’s Book... on Parenting. VICKI NELSON has more than 35 years’ experience in higher education as a professor, academic advisor and administrator. Her website, College Parent Central, provides information and support to college families. WENDY REDAL is a writer, editor and marketing communications specialist living in Boulder, Colorado. Wendy and her husband are parents of a college student and a recent graduate. SCOTT SAGER is a freelance writer
living in Brooklyn, New York who recently retired his long-running column, “The Dad.” Scott and his wife have two young adult daughters.
DIANE SCHWEMM is
CollegiateParent’s Senior Editor. She and her husband have two sons in college and a recent graduate.
JENNIFER SEE is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor with a private practice in San Antonio, Texas. She is also the parent of two college students. Visit Jennifer’s website at www.jennifersee.com and follow her on social @jenniferseelpc. SUZANNE SHAFFER counsels students and families through her blog, Parenting for College. She is the Parent College Coach for Smart College Visit and her advice has been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, U.S. News College, TeenLife online magazine and more.
CollegiateParent
3180 Sterling Circle, Suite 200 Boulder, CO 80301 www.collegiateparent.com DESIGNED BY Mark Hager | EDITED BY Diane Schwemm
CollegiateParent has published this magazine to share insider information about the college parenting experience and highlight campus and community resources. This resource is brought to you by the University of South Florida. This publication was made possible by the businesses and professionals contained within it. The presence of university/college logos and marks does not mean that the publisher or school endorses the products or services offered by the advertisers. ©2018 CollegiateParent. All rights reserved. Parent & Family Programs University of South Florida Office Location: Marshall Student Center, Room 3200 Phone: 813-974-2896 Website: usf.edu/families Email: family@usf.edu
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