2 0 2 1–2 0 2 2
Your Family’s Guide to the College Years Tips for Supporting Your Student Throughout the College Transition
Don't worry, live happy.
Call us home for Fall 2022 and experience the good life.
A P P LY F R E E T O D AY 513-916-9111 | live-annex.com
Table of Contents
Table of Contents Miami University Welcome to Miami . .................................................................... 6 Ongoing Engagement Opportunities for Miami Parents and Families . ... 7 The Best Time to Come Back! . ..................................................... 8
The Adjustment to College Advice for the College Transition . . .......................... ..................... 10 Tips from Students on Making It Through the First Year . ................... 12 An RA’s Best Tips for Helping Roommates Get Along . ..................... 14 Coach Your Student to Communicate With Professors . .................... 18 Support During Midterms and Finals . ...................... ..................... 20 4
A New Perspective on Parenting Survival Guide for New College Parents . ....................................... 21 When They Return Home for Break . ............................................ 23
More Ways to Support Wellness and Success Important Health Conversations to Have With Your Student . ............. 26 Supporting Mental Health .......................................................... 28 Choosing a Major .................................................................... 30 Keep an Eye on the Budget . ...................................................... 32 Building Career-Ready Skills . ..................................................... 34
Meet Our Writers
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
36
5
Miami University
Welcome to Miami Congratulations on the beginning of your student’s first year at Miami University! We are excited for you and your student to be a part of the Miami Family. Your support during their Miami experience is integral to their success, and you’re a valued and important partner at Miami. We know that the first few weeks after sending your student to college are often filled with excitement and anxiety — for you and your student! This time is also a very real reminder of the significant shift in your relationship with your emerging young adult. Remember, the values you’ve instilled over time form the core of the person they are becoming. College is a place where they will clarify those values and learn from people who may hold different values. College is full of ups and downs, successes and failures, false starts and learning experiences. We tell students that this is a safe place to take well-calculated risks, and that the most significant growth and learning often comes from making mistakes. However, this can be especially hard for you to watch from afar and resist the urge to intervene when your student experiences frustration and hardship. Shifting to the role of coaching your student through the situation, rather than intervening for your student, will go a long way toward developing their ability to handle similar situations in the future.
We don’t expect you or any family member to support your student alone or to know the answers to all of their questions. This guide is structured to provide information directly applicable to your student’s college experience and many of the common situations students encounter. We hope you will find it helpful in better understanding these issues and identifying resources that can facilitate your student’s success. Parent & Family Programs and the Division of Student Life at Miami are committed to supporting you throughout your student’s time on campus. We are with you every step of the way, now until graduation.
Love and Honor! Mark W. Pontious, Ph.D. Director, Office of Parent & Family Programs Division of Student Life 513-529-3436 parents@MiamiOH.edu
Parent & Family Programs and the Division of Student Life at Miami are committed to supporting you throughout your student’s time on campus.
6
Ongoing Engagement Opportunities for Miami Parents and Families There is a lot of information related to supporting your student that doesn’t necessarily make sense to communicate at orientation, but also requires more interaction than an email newsletter. This is why we are proud to offer a schedule of parent and family webinars throughout the academic year. These online sessions provide the opportunity to hear directly from Miami staff on topics such as planning for study abroad, fraternity and sorority recruitment, supporting a student who is sick, and academic support resources. Additionally, your questions are immediately answered in the moment with a depth of information not always possible with a newsletter. Visit MiamiOH.edu/parents and click on “Resources” to find the list of this year’s webinars and recordings of previous sessions.
Beyond sending you information related to your student’s time at Miami, we recognize that you also have knowledge and experiences that can benefit other Miami families and the University. Share your wisdom by joining and actively participating in the Miami University | Parents & Family Members Facebook group, which has over 11,000 family members of Miami students who trade information, strategies, and celebrations related to their Miami student. Not yet receiving newsletters and other messages from Parent & Family Programs? Visit MiamiOH.edu/parents and click on “Stay In Touch” to join the email distribution list for your student’s class year.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
7
Miami University
The Best Time to Come Back! Visit MiamiOH.edu/FamilyWeekend for the full schedule and additional details. #MiamiOHFamily
8
The Adjustment To College
Advice for the College Transition By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.
My son’s university is only 30 minutes away. He could easily commute from home but from the get-go made it clear he wanted to live on campus his first year. His dad and I supported this choice (even though I’m pretty sure it’s mostly about the “all-you-can-eat” dining hall options). And now it’s happening — Fall 2021 is here! In addition to being a parent, I’m the Director of Student Transitions at a university where I work with first-year students — which makes me very familiar with the challenges they bump up against as they navigate new independence and responsibilities. Here’s how you can help!
Communicate Expectations This is a tried and true tip. The more you and your student set clear expectations, the easier time they’ll have when they need to make decisions on their own. 10
Do you expect them to call or text regularly? You may ask that they check in at a certain day or time of the week. You may also ask them to let you know immediately if they are sick. Do you expect them to let you know if they have a problem that they cannot manage? You may ask them to share what they’re doing to deal with challenges, or request that they ask you for help when they’re unsure what they should do next.
One discussion I’ve had with my own son is the “Don’t be afraid to tell me you are failing” conversation. This included subtopics like “How can you tell if you are failing?” and “What resources are available if you struggle in class?” As an educator, I know that he’ll have at least one challenging course this year, and I want the lines of communication wide open when it happens. He knows there will be no judgment, no shame, just support and advice (if he wants it).
Remind Them of Their Resources Campus resources range from academic services, like tutoring, to health services, such as screenings and counseling. Grab that brochure, watch that informational video, and scour the website to learn more about what’s available. Then talk about these resources with your student as though they’re a normal and necessary part of every college student’s existence (because they are!). Here are a few ways to do this:
•
“Remember, if you’re not sure how to complete an assignment, visit with your professor. Upperclassmen do this all the time.”
•
“If you don’t feel well, make an online appointment at the health clinic so you can be seen immediately. Don’t wait until you feel worse.”
•
“Stop by the tutoring center in the first few weeks and find a tutor who can help you with your courses. If you don’t need the
tutor after all, you can use that time to study on your own.”
Take a Step Back This suggestion has never been easy for some of us, but stepping back doesn’t mean stepping out of the picture entirely. It means watching, waiting and encouraging your student to handle issues themselves first. This is especially true when it comes to your student’s courses. A call to the department chair or email to the professor will not go over well — and possibly run afoul of the Family Education Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA). I’ve talked with students who were mortified that a parent had called me to ask about their grades. This tactic can undermine the progress your student is making in learning how to advocate for themselves. Instead, coach your student on what to say and when to say it. As hard as it may seem, it’s better for them in the long run if they stumble a bit and pick themselves back up. Notice I didn’t say that it may be better for them to fall off a cliff. Of course, when extreme situations call for it, stepping in to help is appropriate.
Stay Flexible Like it or not, during the pandemic we all had to get better at coping with change and uncertainty. With or without all-you-can-eat buffets, the “real” college experience is what your student makes of it — and by remaining flexible, you’ll be ready to support them through whatever comes their way.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
11
The Adjustment To College
Tips from Students on Making It Through the First Year By Kate Gallop
Starting college is a huge adjustment. Here are some things my friends and I, all rising juniors, wish we’d known before our first year. Share these tips with your new college student!
1
Manage Your Expectations
College is a hugely idealized time of life. Before move-in day, my expectations were loosely based on things my older friends and siblings said, Instagram posts and movies: i.e., non-stop adventures with a fun group of friends. When I didn’t have something happening every night, and didn’t always feel like myself, I assumed I was doing something wrong. I wish I’d known that I wasn’t. I wish I’d given myself the freedom to live in the moment without dwelling on pre-conceived notions of the “college experience.”
12
It’s okay if you feel like you don’t relate to your peers instantly even when it seems like everyone else is. It takes time to adjust and make real friends.
2
Make Time to Relax
At the beginning of my first semester, I was worried that if I took time to myself I’d miss out on something. There were definitely times when I should have said no to things but went anyway. I got sick the minute I arrived home for fall break and that’s when I realized I was burned out.
I started choosing to stay in when I felt tired instead of pushing myself to be involved 24/7. Whether it’s watching Netflix, reading a book or drawing, it’s important to check in with yourself and do the things that keep you relaxed. When I took a little time each week to be alone, I had more energy and the social events I attended became more enjoyable. So remember, nothing is make or break. If you’re rundown, take a night off.
3
Plan Out Your Time
Summer before freshman year, I worried that I wasn’t smart enough for college. This fear grew stronger as I sat through my first classes and leafed through syllabi, overwhelmed by the number of things I’d be responsible for throughout the semester. Instead of panicking, I wrote down every assignment in a planner, noted the extra busy weeks, and attended all my classes. It turned out there was more than enough time to do everything I needed to. Good time management helped me stay on top of things and, slowly, college stopped feeling so drastically different from high school. I still took late nights to study for exams and finish papers, but I stopped believing I was out of place.
4
Leave Some High School Attitudes at the Door
In high school, if a group of my friends got together without me, I’d take it personally. This changed completely in college. People tend to make plans based on who happens to be somewhere in the moment. You grab lunch with someone who has the same break between classes that you do, and go to dinner with residence hall floormates because you were already in the common room studying together.
In high school, lunch is a major time to socialize. People look at you if you sit alone. This, too, changes in college. Everyone has different schedules, and oftentimes you won’t run into someone you know. It felt so freeing when I realized that no one notices or thinks anything less of someone sitting alone.
5
Put Yourself Out There
While it’s perfectly normal to eat alone, it’s important to get to know people, and meals are a great way to do that. Some of the best advice I got before my first year is, when you meet someone you like talking to, ask for their number and make meal plans. I knew no one at my college before move-in day. As nervous as I was, I made sure to introduce myself to the other people moving in on my floor, and I’m so happy I did — it’s the easiest ways to make your dorm start to feel like home. When you can, spend time in the dorm common room instead of your room because it’s a good way to meet friends. And if you don’t click with anyone on your floor, don’t worry. Clubs and classes are another great way to find people you have something in common with. Begin the year ready to meet a ton of new people and excited about what comes next. It takes time for things to fall into place, but once you find a new routine and people you connect with, you’ll never want to leave.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
13
The Adjustment To College
An RA’s Best Tips for Helping Roommates Get Along
By Cambria Pilger
Whether your student chose their roommate or is rooming with someone they never met, it can be intimidating to live in an unfamiliar place, away from home and surrounded by new people. Some first-year roommates become best friends, from day one of college through graduation. Others just try to get through the year (and hope they score a single room as a sophomore). 14
My own personal experience fell in the middle. I got along with my freshman roommate but we didn’t interact a lot outside of our room and that was fine. I decided to apply to be a Resident Assistant (RA) for sophomore year because I wanted to be challenged in my relationships, organize fun and creative events, and support the students living in my hall. I learned a lot as an RA and am happy to share my insights!
A roommate agreement is easy — and essential. Most schools pair roommates based on common interests, but even in the best matches there’s room for conflict. Not surprisingly, living, sleeping and studying a few feet away from another person can lead to irritation and misunderstanding. Perhaps one roommate doesn’t clean their half of the room, stays up super late in the room talking to friends, or never actually leaves the room. In these situations, one of the best tools students can turn to is a roommate agreement. The object is to lay out, early on, the rules each person wants to have for the room. How late is too late to have friends over? Are roommates allowed to borrow each other’s stuff? If one person has a complaint about the other, how should they communicate it (tell them, write a note, etc.)? Whenever I was called in to help roommates work through an issue, one of my first questions was whether it was covered by their roommate agreement. If there was a clear violation, we could use the agreement as a starting point to resolve the conflict. Take Kate and Emily. At the start of the year, they discussed their sleep routines and found that they both went to bed around 10. They agreed they’d be quiet
if one of them stayed up later than the other. However, as the weeks passed, Kate’s sleep schedule shifted. She stayed up late studying or hanging out with friends in the room when Emily was trying to sleep. All I had to do was draw their attention to the roommate agreement. Kate and Emily talked it over and decided that, if either one of them stayed up later than the other, they should do so in one of the lounges or study rooms and respect their roommate’s sleep time.
Who is your student’s neutral support person? Building relationships early in college is key. When a problem comes up, whether big or small, it’s helpful for students to have someone to talk to outside the situation. Maybe it’s an older student they know from a club or team, an athletic coach, or a teaching assistant in one of their classes who’s become a mentor. They can turn to this person to share what they’re going through, unload some of their emotions, and brainstorm a solution. One of my hall residents relied on me in this way. Adam got along with his roommate most of the time, but when they did fight or argue, he’d come to me to talk through the situation and get a new perspective on it. I could offer a listening ear and advice without getting personally involved. Luckily, in my hall I didn’t have to intervene too many times because students resolved their problems on their own — and this was ideal. Although as an RA I was there to support and guide residents (and if a problem was serious, I was ready to step in), my job was to empower them to defuse conflict on their own rather than referee every squabble.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
15
The Adjustment To College
My top recommendations for dealing with residence life and roommate challenges: 1. Use the resources. There are so many, from residence life leadership and student success programs to faculty and staff support, friends and family. Especially during the first year, encourage your student to take advantage of these resources to work through uncertainty or conflict.
2. Make a connection. Your student and their roommate may be very different people, with different habits and backgrounds. Finding things they have in common will help them strengthen their relationship and be more comfortable living with one another.
3. Talk honestly about disagreements. Your student shouldn’t be afraid to talk to their roommate. After all, this is new territory for both of them. The flip side of this is being open to criticism or feedback from the roommate. A willingness to listen needs to come from both sides.
4. Don’t fume silently. Address issues promptly instead of ignoring them. This could mean talking to the RA to design an action plan, being straight-up with their roommate about how they feel and suggesting a compromise, or learning to accept things as they are.
5. Know that there is never a single solution. Every student and situation is unique. Remembering this is always the first step to solving problems and keeping peace with one’s roommate.
Roommate Agreements My university’s Residence Life department passes out roommate agreements. If your student’s school doesn’t, they and their roommate can create one by discussing what’s important to them or use a template like this: images.collegexpress.com/article/ roommateagreement3.jpg. Rules may need to evolve as the year goes on, so your student and their roomie should be ready to revisit this conversation.
16
Free Parking
Walk To Campus Location
1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom Floor Plan Options
▪ Renovated Interiors ▪ In-unit Washer & Dryer ▪ 24-hour Fitness Center ▪ Resort-style Pool & Spa
▪ Walk to Campus Location ▪ 24-hour Oversized Business Center with Conference Room & E-Chat Room
▪
Furniture Package Included Volleyball, Basketball & Tennis Courts ▪ Located on the Miami University Bus Route ▪ Pet Friendly - No Weight Limit ▪ Virtual Tours Available
▪
HawksHousing.com
5262 BR OWN R OAD | 513-523-7666
1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom Floor Plan Options
▪ Free Parking In-unit Washer & Dryer ▪ Swimming Pool ▪ Pet Friendly - No Weight Limit ▪ Outdoor Fireplace & Grills ▪ Leather Furniture Package Included ▪ Walk to Campus Location ▪
▪
Located on the Miami University Bus Route ▪ WiFi Lounge ▪ 24-hour Fitness Center, Computer Lab & Clubhouse ▪ Close to Grocery Stores & Restaurants ▪ Virtual Tours Available
OxfordCommons.com
610 OXFO R D C OM M ONS | 51 3 - 523 -7571
The Adjustment To College
Coach Your Student to Communicate With Professors By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.
The student-professor relationship in college is one of the most important to cultivate. Professors want to develop strong relationships with their students, and students should want the same. Here are a few tips to guide your student through the process of creating an open line of communication with a professor. Establish a Relationship Early Professors will be happy to get to know your student before a problem arises. Any time during the semester (with the exception of the day before the final!) is a good time to reach out, but the sooner the better. Your student should take cues from the syllabus about the best way to communicate with a professor. Is the professor available to meet in person or is email or an online meeting better? It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: If the professor prefers email, then use email and check it often. 18
When your student meets with the professor for the first time, it’s a good idea to have a list of questions ready. Here are a few that can help your student learn more about the professor’s expectations:
•
“I want to learn as much as I can in your class. What can I do to succeed?”
•
“I usually [fill in usual study practices]. What will work best for this class?”
•
“I want to be sure I start off with solid work in your class. Can I come see you before an assignment is due to make sure I’m on the right track?”
A solid relationship early in the semester can be helpful if your student’s circumstances change. When students moved home because of the pandemic, one of my students had to pick up extra shifts at his job and could no longer join our class online at the designated time. Another student was dealing with limited internet access. Faculty will want to know about any situation that makes it hard for a student to access their courses or show up to class.
Create a Plan to Stay Organized Now more than ever your student needs a planner, preferably a large one that can hang on a wall or anything that can be accessed easily. They can use their planners to:
• •
Keep track of when classes meet
• •
Schedule regular study hours
•
Block out time to socialize when they don’t have other obligations
Enter exam and assignment due dates Keep track of club meetings, athletic practices, work shifts
In college, students spend fewer hours in class than they did in high school but many more hours reading, studying and preparing for class, and this is a big change. Encourage your first-year student to take advantage of any time management workshops offered by their school (often through the Writing Center).
Seek Immediate Feedback After Graded Work If your student gets a low or failing grade — even if they think they know why — it’s good to check in with the professor ASAP.
Here are a few ways to open that conversation:
•
“I reviewed my work. Can we go over what I did wrong so I understand what I should do differently next time?”
•
“I’m bummed I messed up that assignment. Would you help me see where I made mistakes?”
•
“Can we talk about how this low grade will affect my progress in the course? I want to be sure to make the improvements I need to raise my grade.”
Because students share this fear with me, it’s worth telling you: Yes, professors really want to talk with students who’ve failed an assignment. No, they don’t think their students aren’t smart enough to pass their class. Professors want their students to learn and to earn good grades. Your student shouldn’t be ashamed to speak to a professor about a class they’re struggling in. Reaching out demonstrates a willingness to improve.
Check Email! Good email habits became even more important during the pandemic with the increase in online classes and Zoom meetings. Institutions make important announcements and share updates via email and many professors prefer to communicate this way as well. Students who don’t check email regularly quickly feel lost. Encourage your student to check their school email account at least once a day. It’s a simple habit that will serve them well all through college.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
19
The Adjustment To College
Support During Midterms and Finals
By CollegiateParent
The weeks between Thanksgiving and winter break are tough on students. No way to sugarcoat it. They are buried in work: reading, exam preparation, final projects, paper writing. Some first-year students experience another wave of homesickness after Thanksgiving. Seniors are extra stressed as they work on theses and capstone projects while applying for jobs and graduate school. Oh, and it’s cold and flu season! You may not hear from your student much, or at all. This is natural and most likely okay. They need space, but they also need encouragement and support. When you do talk, or in a letter or a text exchange, you can reinforce strategies for getting through finals healthy and whole. Here are tips to share.
Maximize academic support.
20
•
As soon as final projects and papers are assigned, break them into smaller pieces and get started.
•
Put all these tasks into a master calendar or your planner and prioritize in order of importance.
•
Attend all available study sessions, faculty office hours, etc.
•
Get individual tutoring in subjects where you’re struggling.
Take care of yourself. This means:
• •
Get enough sleep.
•
Exercise — including outdoors in natural light if possible.
•
Spend quality time with friends (again, you can schedule this).
• •
Eat healthy meals.
Take short, frequent study breaks (you can put these in your planner).
Stay hydrated (try not to rely too much on caffeine).
Encourage your student to keep their eye out for finals support events on campus at the student union, library, health center, etc. and reach out for stress relief through the counseling center.
What else can family members do? Understand that your student may not have time for the usual phone calls. Send an occasional text/social message that doesn’t require a response. Check in to confirm their travel plans and offer to help if needed. And they’ll welcome a finals care package:
•
Healthy snacks (nuts, dried fruit, protein bars)
• •
Fidget or stress relief toy
• •
New headphones or earbuds
• •
Calming teas
Cozy hat, gloves, scarf or slippers Gift card for coffee shop or restaurant they like in town Vitamin C drops or Emergen-C
A New Perspective on Parenting
Survival Guide for New College Parents
By Suzanne Shaffer
The start of my daughter’s college career was a mix of excitement, frustration and panic…and those were just my emotions. After 18 years of doing my best to raise a responsible adult, I wasn’t so sure she would act like one — or so sure I was ready to let her try. College requires a new approach to parenting. Here is what I learned and recommend to you. Embrace your changing role.
Don’t expect overnight adulthood.
The day-to-day responsibility of meeting all your student’s needs now gives way to listening and advising (with a heavy emphasis on the former). Fear not: you are sure to get the occasional phone call with a ridiculous question (“How many degrees is a fever and what did you used to give me to make me feel better?”) reminding you that they still rely on you.
No matter their maturity level, all freshmen need time to get the hang of their new responsibilities. Be patient. As they figure out how to study, write college-level papers, keep an eye on their bank balance, make new friends, detach from those friends if they turn out to be unsuitable, and so much more, they will drop balls and make mistakes. It’s a process.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
21
A New Perspective on Parenting
Anticipate some academic struggle.
Dealing with homesickness.
When my daughter, a former straight-A student, got B’s and C’s on her first papers and tests, she was crushed. I encouraged her to take advantage of tutoring, writing labs and study groups and to meet with professors to ask for help. It takes a term or two to adjust to the college curriculum, work load and testing style and to figure out what’s important to study out of all the reading material and lecture notes. Grades will almost always improve.
Even students who proclaimed, “I can’t WAIT to get out of this house and on my own!” will be homesick at some point. Resist the temptation to bring them home for the weekends. Students need to adjust to the campus culture, make a few friends and find activities to occupy their free time. The feelings usually pass after the first few months so, even though your heart will break a bit, give your student a chance to work through those feelings on their own.
Resist the urge to race to the rescue. Emory University psychology professor Marshall Duke has addressed family members at the university’s new student orientation for three decades. If and when your student calls home with a dilemma, Duke recommends moving “like your feet are stuck in molasses.” Remind your student of the resources available on campus and express your confidence in their ability to handle things. In my experiences with both my son and daughter, they almost always just needed to vent and talk through the situation. They weren’t looking for me to solve their problems; they simply wanted a listening ear and advice if asked. 22
Register for Family Weekend! If there is a fall Family Weekend at your student’s school, make plans to attend if you can. It’s something for both of you to look forward to. Having that date on the calendar will help them during bouts of homesickness, and knowing it won’t be long until you’re reunited and both get some much-needed hugs will help you overcome the urge to over-parent.
When They Return Home for Break
By Connie Lissner
I remember when my oldest was coming home for the summer after freshman year in college. I was positively giddy. I could not wait to have the whole family under one roof again. We could talk for more than 10 minutes on Sundays! We could eat together as a family! Things could finally go back to normal. After he was home for a couple of days, it was clear that “normal” had a new definition. Following months of being on his own and doing things “his way” (a phrase I heard at least 20 times a day), my newly returned college student bucked against our family life. Sleep was on his time (i.e., not when the rest of us tended to sleep), meals were often eaten out with friends, and hanging out with his family was not a priority. Of course, he wasn’t the only one who needed to readjust. When he first left for college, I thought I’d never get used to his empty bedroom or setting the table for three instead of four. Shockingly, however, I did. I also adjusted to less
laundry, smaller grocery bills and a significant reduction in noise in our house. I’m not embarrassed to say that I seriously considered sending him away after the first two weeks. I didn’t think we’d ever figure out a way to co-exist. Thankfully, we were able to negotiate a happy truce for the remainder of that summer. I learned a lot from that experience (although I admit I still expect a seamless transition every time my son returns home, and am always shocked when it doesn’t happen). Still, after three years, I’ve developed a “survival plan” that seems to work. So far I haven’t shipped him off, and I haven’t fled my house either. We must be doing something right.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
23
A New Perspective on Parenting
When They Return Home for Break
Here Are My Top Tips!
1
Set ground rules early.
Don’t wait until you explode to share your expectations with your returning student. Take curfew, for instance. I can guarantee that they will balk at having one. Their argument will go something like this: “You didn’t stay up all night worrying about where I was when I was at school” (little do they know, right?). But maybe you want them home at a reasonable hour so you can sleep without being woken at 3 a.m. by someone making a grilled cheese. Whatever you expect of your student — chores, family commitments, attitudes — address this early and often.
2
Recognize that reentry will always require some adjustment.
Things will be different every time your student comes home. Even after three years of summer breaks, winter breaks and occasional weekends, the first couple days are always awkward at our house. Everyone is navigating the new setup and trying really hard not to start a fight (well, almost everyone).
24
3
Respect the evolving sibling dynamic.
Maybe your middle child is reveling in the new role of older sibling, or your solo younger child is enjoying their space. With the return of your college student, family dynamics will shift, and new conflicts are bound to pop up. For instance, my youngest, who used to follow his older brother everywhere, now found him in the way. Their bickering was non-stop, and I was forced to play referee over things as ridiculous as who got the middle kitchen counter stool. Eventually they settled into their new roles.
4
Be flexible.
Sure it’s your house, your rules, but remember that your student has been managing life without you (no matter how many times a day they text). You want to encourage that independence. Now is the time to let go — just a little.
7
Enjoy the spontaneous moments.
I had a bucket list of things we were going to do that first summer, and I think I checked off one item. I spent so much time trying to plan activities that I missed many of the little moments I could have shared with my son. Once I realized it was a lost cause, I chucked my list and started enjoying the found time between us. Which brings me to a key point...
8 5
Negotiate what you are willing to do for them.
Will you do their laundry? Cook every meal? Yes, my son knows how to do laundry, but I personally prefer to have all the laundry done at once, and I don’t want my laundry washed like a college student washes their laundry. I also enjoy cooking, so making dinner for everyone isn’t a problem for me. Three meals a day, on the other hand, is not an option (no matter how much my son tries to sweet talk me into making him lunch).
6
Be prepared to see less of your student than you might like.
Toss aside dreams of regular family dinners, game nights and late night talks around the kitchen counter (yes, those were my dreams). Schedule an occasional mandatory family dinner and squeeze in a game or movie whenever an opportunity presents itself (it may be a quick hand of Gin Rummy on a rainy Saturday afternoon). Seize any chance to chat in the kitchen even if that means that you’re awake and willing to make that post-midnight grilled cheese sandwich.
Don’t put your own life on hold.
While you’re making lists of things to do together, don’t forget to pen in time to do your own thing. I know I’m not the only parent who waits around on the off chance that my kid might want to grab lunch or run a few errands with me. I have a friend who passed up a girls’ trip because she wanted to be around for her daughter’s last day home over spring break — just in case. Turns out her daughter didn’t even come home that break. She went away with her friends instead! So don’t blow off that yoga class, Sunday morning bike ride, or dinner with friends. And don’t feel guilty about it either.
9
Most importantly, marvel at the new person your young adult has become.
Whatever expectations I have of who is coming through my door at the end of the school year, I am always a little surprised by who actually shows up. Maybe it’s because of a class he’s taken, a new friend he’s met or a new experience he’s had, but every time my son comes home he is a little different, a little more his own person. And that really is something to look forward to.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
25
More Ways to Support Wellness and Success
Important Health Conversations to Have With Your Student
By CollegiateParent
In college, probably for the first time, your student will be wholly responsible for taking care of their own physical and emotional wellbeing. For that reason, the most important health conversations you can have with them are ones where you encourage them to make wellness a priority in their daily lives, to familiarize themselves with health support resources on campus, and to always feel comfortable reaching out to you when they have a concern or just need a little advice. Revisit health-related topics each and every time you see or chat with your student. 26
1st
Make sure they know how health insurance works.
Go over their coverage (whether they’re signed up for the school’s health plan or are still covered by your family insurance plan) and how and where to access services. Will they use the campus health center for all their needs, or go there just for the easy/ free stuff (flu shots, treatment for minor illnesses like colds) and see a provider or specialist in the local community?
2nd
3rd
They’ll receive a lot of information at orientation and during move-in/welcome week, but it can be overwhelming. If you look at the website, you’ll be able to nudge them to explore what’s offered at the student health clinic and counseling/ mental health center. Your student will find online informational materials, classes and workshops, and drop-in support groups related to pretty much every wellness issue under the sun:
Your student should have a first aid kit with a thermometer and basic overthe-counter remedies for self-care. Talk through some possible scenarios, ranging from how to treat a cold to how to know if it’s something more serious like the flu. Remind them that if symptoms (sore throat, fever, vomiting, headache, etc.) linger for days without improvement, they should definitely visit the campus health center — but they don’t have to suffer in silence if they just want to get checked out and have their mind put at ease.
Review the resources that are available on campus.
• •
Nutrition and body positivity
• • •
Alcohol education
Sexual health, gender identity, relationships Stress and anxiety management Conflict resolution skills
Don’t forget about religious and spiritual life opportunities, and fitness classes and recreational facilities at the campus gym.
Go over what to do if they get sick.
Since colleges are bound by a federal law called FERPA (the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act), which governs the privacy of student educational and treatment records, you won’t know if or when your student visits the campus health and counseling clinics. It’s up to your student to decide whether to share information with you, which is something else the two of you can discuss early on.
Talk to your student about responsible drinking. Most families have strict rules about drinking in high school, but in college an “abstinence only” policy may not be practical. National surveys show that 9 out of 10 college students experiment with alcohol, 7 out of 10 drink regularly, and 3 out of 10 will be problem drinkers. This doesn’t mean parents should feel helpless. Instead, by being proactive and talking regularly with your student about the campus party scene, their experiences with alcohol and what it means to drink responsibly, you can continue to have a positive influence. Educating your student about responsible drinking isn’t the same as encouraging or endorsing underage drinking. Instead, when you teach your student about how alcohol works in the body, the importance of protecting their cup and sticking with friends at parties, and how to recognize when it’s time to exit a situation or call for help, you’re emphasizing health, safety and self-advocacy. These conversations require that you know your facts, be honest and open-minded, and most of all, be ready to listen. Read the complete article: collegiateparent.com/wellness/talk-about-responsible-drinking.
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
27
More Ways to Support Wellness and Success
Supporting Mental Health A Checklist for Families
By Stephanie Pinder-Amaker, Ph.D. and Active Minds
Awareness and open lines of communication — with family members, professors/instructors, coaches and friends — can go a long way toward making sure no student struggles alone. Check out these tips on how to empower and support your new college student.
Prepare your student. It’s very likely that your student, or one of their roommates or friends, will experience a mental health issue while at college. Prepare your student by talking about mental health on a regular basis. Review together what campus resources are available if they’re ever in a position to help a friend. By maintaining a dialogue, you’ll help them feel comfortable coming to you with questions and problems without fear of being judged.
Scope out services and have a plan. All students, but particularly those who have already experienced mental health issues, should have a plan in place in case things get too difficult to handle. Call or make an appointment with the campus mental health or counseling center to learn what services are available. If your student is already in the care of a psychiatrist or psychologist, make plans to continue that care with a clinician close to campus. (The campus mental health center may keep a list of convenient off-campus providers who work well with students.) Your student should have regular check-ins with a professional to monitor any changes. They can also preregister with the Accessible Education Center to access helpful accommodations.
Stay in touch. Make time for regular conversations in addition to texting your student. It’s easier to hear in their voice when something is bothering them. Facetime and Skype
can be even better. Keep an eye out for symptoms of depression (including sadness), anxiety, hopelessness, irritability, restlessness, sleep difficulties, loss of appetite, suicidal thoughts, unexplained aches and pains, and tearfulness. A sudden drop in academic performance can be another sign that support is needed.
Check in about self-care. The importance of a healthy diet, adequate sleep and regular exercise can’t be overstated, particularly as they relate to overall mental health. Help your student connect self-care with emotional stability — ask them how they feel when they eat well or when they sleep poorly.
Forget stigma. If your student is experiencing mental health issues, prioritize getting help over the fear of tarnishing their transcript or reputation. Some students will need time off from school to recover and get back on track. Each college has its own policy about granting medical leave — you can contact the Dean of Students office to find out the procedure for taking a temporary leave of absence.
Allow mistakes. Perfection is not a realistic goal and it’s important to let your student know that you support them no matter what. Mistakes and failure are an unavoidable part of life and we can learn from them. A perfect GPA isn’t worth it if it comes at the expense of your student’s emotional well-being.
If you feel your student needs immediate help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “BRAVE” to 741-741 for free 24/7 confidential support.
28
L I V E O N C A M P U S AV E N U E !
THE PERFECT PLACE TO LIVE AND ENTERTAIN
(513) 523-1647
More Ways to Support Wellness and Success
Choosing a Major
6 Tips for Guiding Your Student
By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.
Every parent wants their student to find their “calling” and click with a major that will help pave the way to a career. Students want that, too! But the process of declaring a major can be scary as well as exhilarating. “Am I making the right choice?” they wonder anxiously. “Will I be able to find a job after graduation?” And then there is the classic question from well-meaning family and friends. “What are you going to do with that?” For students whose majors are clear pathways to careers (think nursing, or accounting), the last question can be answered easily. However, for undecided students worried not only about choosing the “right” major but also about how their degree will prepare them for employment someday, the question can increase their self-doubt. And with self-doubt comes even more anxiety. Luckily, there are stress-reducing ways to support and guide students who are at this juncture.
Relax. No need to make this experience more traumatic than it already is. Remember that it’s normal for the journey from major to career to twist and turn. Make an effort to keep things in perspective and you’ll be able to share this attitude with your student.
30
Have them reflect on their past to figure out their future. One of the best strategies to use with college students is to encourage them to reflect on what they liked when they were younger, what they did in their spare time for fun, and what activities they participated in and why. Their past holds clues about the kinds of majors that might interest them. For example, someone who counseled their friends through difficult times may find themselves interested in psychology or social work. An athlete might gravitate to sports management…or sports medicine.
Encourage them to focus on what they want to learn, not what sounds good. The best way to erase self-doubt is to find a subject they like and that will help them build transferable skills. Ask what kinds of classes interest them the most and which classes challenge them to think and grow. Their answers should give them an idea of what they want to spend several years studying. A student who says they want to major in business “so my parents will leave me alone” is not a student who will be happy for long with their choice.
Suggest they compare degree plans and course descriptions. Reading through the college’s course catalog is another way to narrow their choices. (The course catalog and degree requirements can be found on the school’s website.) If your student is choosing between economics and education, for example, suggest they read through the degree requirements (is there an internship requirement? a foreign language requirement?) to see which plan appeals to them more. Have them browse the course descriptions as well.
They will spend a lot of time in their major courses and should be intrigued by the topics that await them in that department.
Remind them to speak regularly with an academic advisor and also a career counselor. The academic advisor will help them navigate the process of completing a degree, and the career counselor can help them develop a plan to translate what they’re learning to workplace needs. Meeting with both throughout college can keep your student on track and help them make any needed adjustments along the way.
Suggest they interview recent college graduates. Some of the best advice about college majors comes from recent graduates. New graduates are likely to tell your student that in general the skills they acquired in college (e.g., critical thinking, written communication, appreciation for diversity) are more important than the content knowledge they gained from their major. At the very least, their advice may lower the pressure to make a “right choice.”
What if my student wants to change their major? Students change majors for a variety of reasons and it is perfectly normal. In some surveys as many as 80% of students have switched majors at least once.* But it can still be worrisome to parents, who wonder if their student will be able to graduate on time. In addition to discussing what led them to this new direction (was it a single fabulous course or professor? a new career goal?), here are a few questions you can ask to help your studentmake the best decision:
• How many additional courses do you need to take? The earlier the change is made, the less likely your student will need to take lots of additional courses.
• Will you need to take more credit hours per term or take summer classes to stay on track? In some cases, an additional course per term or a couple of classes during the summer may be all that’s needed to graduate in four years.
• What other requirements does the new degree plan include? Some degree plans require internships or practicums that must be taken into consideration. As always when working toward a degree, your student should consult with an academic advisor to ensure they are completing required courses in the right sequence.
www.insidehighered.com/news/2016/08/24/study-finds-students-benefit-waiting-declare-major
*
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
31
More Ways to Support Wellness and Success
Keep an Eye on the Budget By Suzanne Shaffer and CollegiateParent
One of the biggest challenges outside the classroom for students adjusting to college life is learning to manage money. They’re suddenly responsible for paying for all sorts of things on their own, from textbooks and groceries to laundry (you hope) and maybe an occasional haircut. With the convenience of buying and ordering stuff with a smartphone or debit card, it can be easy to let little purchases add up to a financial headache.
32
The parent’s role? Help your student make a budget and keep an eye on the money going in and out of their bank account. Printable budget worksheets are easy to find online, including on your bank’s website, and there are many good smartphone budgeting apps, too — Mint is a favorite.
The Fall Term Spending Money Budget If you didn’t do this before the start of the school year, take time now to make a list with your student of their likely flexible/recreational expenses (everything besides tuition, room, board and student fees — although if they’ll contribute to these, put them in the budget as well).
Flexible expenses can include:
Textbooks Clothing Electronics and school supplies Toiletries and other personal items Dorm furnishings Laundry money Food/drink outside of the meal plan Entertainment Local travel (bus pass, Uber trips) Recreational travel and trips home Sorority/fraternity or club dues
Next, estimate how much each item will be and agree on who’s paying for what, taking your student’s income into consideration. Their income will come from their savings, any earnings from a campus job (if they will work), and possibly an allowance from you. Make it a goal for your student to maintain a certain level of savings. Be sure to discuss how peer pressure can cause students to overspend. Your student may need to say no sometimes to an activity or purchase that a roommate or friend doesn’t think twice about. On this subject, be clear up front about what will happen if your student doesn’t stay within their budget (in case they assume you’ll automatically bail them out). Fall term will involve some experimentation. Your student may find it easy to stay within their budget or end up running short each month. Over winter break, you can look back together at the experience and help them revise their budget for spring term based on what they learned.
The Perks of Campus Employment A great way to balance income and spending is to get a campus job. College students who work parttime during the school year get better grades than those who don’t,* probably because they need to be more
focused, organized and conscientious about budgeting time for study. Finding a job in the local community is always an option, but on-campus positions have special advantages. The hours are usually flexible, and supervisors will accommodate your student’s schedule. Student employees meet more of their fellow students as well as more faculty members, administrators and staff — a great network for career mentorship, professional references and all-around support. If federal work study is part of your student’s financial aid package, they can research and apply for available workstudy positions, but there are usually plenty of campus jobs to go around for any student who wants one. Departments that hire students may include the admissions and alumni offices, recreation center, library, dining facilities, bookstore, museums and art galleries, language and computer labs, and performance spaces. A comprehensive study published by NASPA, “First-Year Students’ Employment, Engagement, and Academic Achievement: Untangling the Relationship Between Work and Grades” by G.R. Pike, G.D. Kuh and R.C. Massa-McKinley, is often cited and its findings have held up over time. *
Parent Perspective If your student is offered work study, it’s worth doing even as an incoming freshman. Work-study jobs provide useful job application and interview practice. I was impressed by how many offcampus options there were. My daughter ended up being offered several positions and was able to pick one at a non-profit closely allied to her interests. She has gained enormously in skills and confidence. That internship looks likely to lead to a summer job this year. All in all, a great experience!
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
33
More Ways to Support Wellness and Success
Building Career-Ready Skills
The Importance of Internships in College By Ianni Le and Suzanne Shaffer
Many students start college unsure about what kind of career they want and the best path to get there. While coursework can help them figure this out, internships are also key. Students discover what they love through their classes, but there’s nothing like real-world experience to clarify what they’re looking for in a job. Prospective employers value internship experience, and internships often lead to an offer for a full-time position. With all the competition for jobs after graduation, your student can’t afford to ignore the importance of internships!
How Do Internships Work and Where Do Students Find Them? The purpose of an internship is to provide a meaningful learning opportunity for the student. Internships may be paid or unpaid and the student may or may not receive academic credit for them. Sometimes an internship connects very directly with a student’s college coursework. The company or organization also benefits because they can supplement their workforce with students, some of whom will eventually become permanent hires. Though internships may require the 34
student to perform what might seem like menial tasks, those tasks help the student gather information about the job and/or industry — and are a practical reminder that we all start out on the ground floor. The campus career center is a primary source for locating internships; companies that love to hire students from the school will actively recruit through job/career fairs and online listings. The career center can also help your student with internshiprelated tasks: resumes, cover letters and interview tips. Professors are another source for internship leads — just one more reason for your student to cultivate meaningful relationships with professors. Handshake is an excellent website that specializes in helping college students find internships. Your student can also check online internship databases like Internships.com, WayUp.com
and YouTern.com. Last but not least, encourage your student to get on LinkedIn and interact with their connections. (If they don’t have a LinkedIn account yet, now’s the time to create one!)
What I Learned from My Internships in College – Ianni Le
1. My internships taught me about myself, and what I need to thrive in a work environment.
2. They helped me mature into someone who was prepared to enter the workforce, confident in my ability to stay professional in different situations and engage with colleagues and bosses.
3. Internships also taught me how to ask for help in a professional setting and that it was okay to lean on my team members when I needed to.
How Can Parents Help? Your role is to serve as an advisor, offering guidance but allowing your student to take the lead. It’s appropriate to discuss their career and professional goals and proofread resumes and cover letters. Don’t forget to think about your own personal connections. Maybe you know someone looking for an intern or working in your student’s field of interest that you can connect them with. Your student will appreciate the introduction even if you’re just helping them build their network. You can also be a cheerleader when (not if) your student encounters disappointment while applying for internships. They may need to apply for 10 or 12 before landing one
4. Internships prepared me for the job search. I took away real-life skills and built new perspectives on my field of study and my personal creativity which helped me become a competitive candidate for fulltime jobs after graduation.
5. Internships allowed me to build my network, making it easy to turn to different people for advice further down the line.
6. Internships are fantastic practice for future job interviews!
Internships also offer these benefits:
• •
•
The opportunity to “try on” a career before applying for and accepting a “real” job A chance to identify areas where they may need to take additional classes related to their career interests before graduation
Rocking a Virtual Internship Tips from Handshake
1. Set goals and milestones with your manager 2. Communicate often 3. Be engaged on Zoom 4. Proactively learn from your team 5. Find a mentor inside the company 6. Connect with other interns 7. Take screen breaks
Higher starting salaries based on career-specific work experience
collegiateparent.com/school/miami-university-oxford
35
Meet Our Writers Active Minds is the nation’s premier nonprofit
organization supporting mental health awareness and education for students. With a presence on ore than 600 campuses benefiting 5.4+ million students, Active Minds empowers students to create supportive communities, connect peers to resources, and take action for suicide prevention. Explore helpful resources at activeminds.org.
Amy Baldwin, Ed.D. is the Director of
Student Transitions at the University of Central Arkansas and co-author of The College Experience and A High School Parent’s Guide to College Success: 12 Essentials. Amy and her husband are parents of two college students.
Stephanie Pinder-Amaker, Ph.D. is director
of the College Mental Health Program at McLean Hospital, an instructor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and an Active Minds National Advisor.
Suzanne Shaffer counsels students and
families through her blog, Parenting for College. Her advice has been highlighted on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, U.S. News College and TeenLife online and she has written for Smart College Visit, College Focus, Noodle Education and Road2College. Her articles have also been featured in print in TeenLife, UniversityParent and CollegiateParent publications.
Kate Gallop is a rising junior at Washington University in St. Louis majoring in English. Kate enjoys playing intramural soccer and club basketball.
Ianni Le attended the University of Colorado at Boulder, graduating with a degree in Media Design and English Literature. She grew up in Shanghai, China and enjoys her dogs, books and food equally.
Connie Lissner is a writer, lawyer, wife and
mother of two sons — one in college and the other a recent graduate. Connie’s parenting escapades have been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, Grown & Flown, Scary Mommy, LifeAfter50, Club Mid, BlogHer and Not Your Mother’s Book…on Parenting.
Cambria Pilger is a recent graduate
of Whitworth University, where she studied journalism and mass media communication. She is a freelance writer and a Communications and Development Admin at a local ministry.
36
CollegiateParent
3180 Sterling Circle, Suite 200 Boulder, CO 80301 www.collegiateparent.com DESIGNED BY Kade O’Connor| EDITED BY Diane Schwemm
CollegiateParent has published this magazine to share insider information about the college parenting experience and highlight campus and community resources. This resource is brought to you by Miami University. This publication was made possible by the businesses and professionals contained within it. The presence of university/college logos and marks does not mean that the publisher or school endorses the products or services offered by the advertisers. ©2021 CollegiateParent. All rights reserved. Office of Parent & Family Programs Miami University Division of Student Life (513) 529-3436 parents@MiamiOH.edu
