Supporting Your Student’s Mental Health

Over the years of working with college students, I’ve seen a steady increase in anxiety and depression. I’ve also seen more students struggle with motivation issues. Since COVID, I’m seeing added stressors like social isolation and struggles with online learning.

This past year has been challenging on so many levels. Many of us are doing okay, but many of us aren’t. Your student may have been struggling already, or you may have new reasons to be concerned. Let’s take a quick look at four common stressors students face, coping skills they can use to get through — and what you can do to help.

Anxiety

Nearly every student I work with has anxiety. They may not use that word, but the symptoms add up (e.g., persistent racing thoughts, elevated heart rate, trouble sleeping). Stress is normal and actually helps activate us for a task. Anxiety on the other hand is an unhealthy perception that a stressor is more severe and permanent than reality would indicate. Anxiety is persistent, although at times it may quietly pulse in the background. It can make students avoid hanging out with friends, check their grades or attend class.

Depression

Each year around 30% of college students are diagnosed with depression. Since those are the ones who contact a professional, it’s probably a huge underestimate. Nearly every student I work with has some form of depression. Depression is not the same as feeling sad or a response to a bad event. It’s the experience of feeling despondent for weeks/months/years at a time. College students rarely share with the adults in their life just how depressed they feel. You may notice behavioral changes well before hearing that they’re hurting so much.

Motivation

Of all the challenges I work on with college students, motivation issues are the hardest to overcome. There’s usually a history of being accused of laziness, as if the student was morally deficient or just a slacker. However, research in the last few years has found a definitive neurological basis for why so many people struggle with motivation. Real motivation issues are a deep trench within which we feel stuck. I work with so many students who sincerely want to get stuff done but can’t get started or can’t complete a task.

Substance Use

Unfortunately college students (like the general population) use and misuse a lot of substances from super-addictive prescription drugs like Xanax, Klonopin, Valium and Ativan to weed (marijuana), alcohol, nicotine and caffeine (found in ridiculously high amounts in popular “energy drinks”). All of these things have negative effects on our brains and bodies.

Look for Chances to Talk About and Model the Use of Healthy Coping Skills

Coping skills are thoughts and behaviors that can help college students (and anyone!) get more comfortable with, minimize and deal with stressors. Coping skills can provide temporary reprieve or long-term solace. I’ve split them up into four categories. The best way to encourage your student to use these skills is by having subtle conversations about what’s not working in their life. (Unsolicited advice doesn’t work so well as I’m sure you already know.) 3

1Diversions This type of a coping skill helps college students avoid destructive or unhealthy thoughts, providing a temporary interruption until they can think clearly again. • Exercise (something requiring focus like weight lifting) • Reading a book (fiction, poetry) • Listening to (chill) music or a podcast • Writing/journaling about something other than current thoughts and feelings • Playing a game or solving a puzzle (Solitaire, Sudoku, crosswords, etc.) • Doing chores like cleaning your bedroom or the kitchen 2 • Playing an instrument like a guitar Thinking Differently Students often have their emotions dictate their behavior. Thinking differently (or developing what clinicians call “cognitive skills”) helps them identify unhealthy thinking landmines and possibly reverse the negative downward spiral. Here are strategies that work well: • Find a mantra or phrase associated with something positive • Consider cost/benefit analysis of a decision • Consider other perspectives in new situations • Practice observing thoughts and feelings without judgment • Reward yourself when accomplishing something hard or big • List and express gratitude

Social Coping Skills

Sharing their struggles and talking through the pain helps students more accurately identify problems and process uncomfortable feelings. It’s also an opportunity to accept support and advice. • Share thoughts/feelings with a friend — practice being vulnerable • Practice saying “no” to unhealthy situations • Organize online games • Ignore yourself (for a bit) and support a friend • Practice asking for what you need

(Note: Using your in-person social network is different from spending time on social apps like Instagram and Snapchat. Comparing to others and the fear of missing out eats our brains and messes with our sense of belonging and self-worth.)

4Physical Coping Skills These are about changing behaviors in order to improve a situation, decrease negative feelings, and promote mental space to get through tough things. Some behaviors I encourage my clients to adopt are: • Focusing on heartbeat for 30 seconds • Deep or mindful breathing • Reducing intake of sugar, caffeine and stimulants • Exercising for at least 30 minutes • Taking a nap • Eating healthy foods: fruit, vegetables, nuts, salmon

Unhealthy Coping Behaviors to Avoid

Some behaviors may bring a temporary sense of relief but can hurt you in the long run. Here are unhealthy coping behaviors I see many college students use: • Reliance on alcohol, drugs and prescription medications • Expressing disproportionate anger at others • External locus of control (blaming others for bad things that happen) • Cutting/self-harm • Catastrophizing

Coping skills are not meant to fix anything. They buy us time to develop practices that become healthy routines. The coming summer break with your college student is a chance for you to listen, to observe and to talk about healthier ways to think and behave — and about the possibility of connecting with a therapist or counselor if it feels like it’s time to take that positive, proactive step.