2021–22
PARENT AND FAMILY GUIDE Tips to help you support your student throughout their college career
Table of Contents 4
Oregon Resources
4
Welcome to the University of Oregon
6
Family Resources
7
Additional Resources
8
Campus Directory
10
Campus Map
12 The Adjustment to College 12
First Year of College Wisdom
14
The Academic Adjustment From High School to College
16
Finding Community On Campus
18 A New Perspective on Parenting
2
18
Surviving the Early Weeks as a New College Parent
22
Start a Real Conversation With Your College Student
24
When They Return Home From Break
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
Table of Contents
26 Academic Success and Career Prep 26
Choosing a Major: 6 Tips For Guiding Your Student
28
Coach Your Student to Communicate with Professors
30
The Importance of Internships in College
32 Life in Balance 32
Important Health Conversations to Have with Your Student
34
Supporting Mental Health: A Checklist for Families
36
Balancing the Budget
38 Meet Our Writers
University of Oregon
3
Welcome to the
University of Oregon Dear UO Parents and Families: On behalf of Parent and Family Programs, I am pleased to welcome you and your student to the University of Oregon! Your student’s college experience is an exciting time for the whole family. At the UO, we know that parents and family members of our students are invaluable partners in student success. Parent and Family Programs is committed to keeping you informed and engaged through communications, membership, networking, and events. We believe that you, too, can have a Duck experience while supporting your student through their time here at the UO. You are a key part of the student experience, and we
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sincerely appreciate your involvement. If you’re especially interested in being involved, we have opportunities for parents and family members to volunteer. Many of our families work together to build Duck communities around the country through service events, student receptions and send-offs, athletic watch parties, care package parties, and more. This guide was created with you in mind and includes articles to help you better understand the first-year of college, introduce you to campus resources, and provide tips and tools to holistically support your student’s success. In addition to this guide, I encourage you to utilize our Parent and Family Programs website resources, like our University
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
University of Oregon
of Oregon Parent and Family Programs Facebook page, and reach out to us if you have any questions, concerns, or need a little extra help. We hope to see you at our Family Weekends and look forward to working with you to make this the best experience for you and your Duck. Welcome to the University of Oregon family!
Best,
Tiffany L. Fritz, M.Ed. Director, Parent and Family Programs families.uoregon.edu myduckis@uoregon.edu 541-346-3234
University of Oregon
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Family Resources The University of Oregon and Parent and Family Programs are committed to helping our Duck families engage with the university and provide much needed support to their students. Programs and publications, such as this guide, are offered as a way of providing insight into the student experience and strategies for positive family engagement. Below you will find a collection of resources available to families. Family Weekends As the university makes plans to resume mostly in-person activities this fall, Parent and Family Programs is excited to announce the date for Fall Family Weekend, October 29–31. Assuming things go as planned, we hope to offer some in-person events. Fall Family Weekend provides an opportunity for you to reconnect with your Duck(s) and experience campus life, traditionally including a combination of open classes, athletic events, and Homecoming activities. All events will be conducted in accordance with federal, state, and local guidance and university policies specific to COVID-19. As we get closer, we will update you on what activities we are able to include as well as how to participate. We encourage you to check back for details.
Families not prepared to join are still encouraged to provide us their information via the PFA form so we can keep them aware of pertinent campus updates.
To learn more, visit families.uoregon.edu/events.
Website: families.uoregon.edu
Parent and Family Association The Parent and Family Association (PFA) is the best way to stay connected to the UO and other Duck families. Membership benefits include our monthly e-newsletter, discounted access and priority registration to family events, and so much more. Families can join the PFA for a one-time $75 membership fee that is utilized to
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provide increased accessibility, services, and events for families. The fee provides a “lifetime membership” that lasts as long as your student attends the university, as well as any siblings who also decide to become Ducks. The one-time membership fee is waived for families of Pell Grant or PathwayOregon eligible students.
To join the Parent and Family Association, visit families.uoregon.edu/pfa.
Online Resources Families are encouraged to utilize our Parent and Family Programs website and connect with us through our Facebook page. This page features important, timely information for families and their students. Facebook: facebook.com/uofamilyprograms Additionally, families are welcome to contact Parent and Family Programs directly should they have questions, concerns, or need advice to help their student. Parent and Family Programs (541) 346-3234 myduckis@uoregon.edu
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
University of Oregon
Additional Resources Off-Campus Resources Amtrak amtrak.com
Lane Transit District, EmX ltd.org | 541-687-5555
Eugene Airport (EUG) eugene-or.gov/173/Airport
Portland International Airport (PDX) flypdx.com
Eugene Saturday Market eugenesaturdaymarket.org
Voter Registration lanecounty.org/residents/elections
Campus News and Announcements around.uoregon.edu
alerts.uoregon.edu (Sign up for email alerts)
University of Oregon
7
Campus Directory
8
Office
Location
Phone
Website
Academic Advising
101 Oregon Hall
541-346-3211
advising.uoregon.edu
Accessible Education Center
360 Oregon Hall
541-346-1155
aec.uoregon.edu
Associated Students of the University of Oregon (ASUO)
004 Erb Memorial Union
541-346-3724
asuo.uoregon.edu
Bias Education and Response Team
185 Oregon Hall
541-346-3216
dos.uoregon.edu/ student-care-team
Business Affairs
Thompson’s University Ctr 541-346-3165
Center for Multicultural Academic Excellence (CMAE)
401 Tykeson Hall
541-346-3479
inclusion.uoregon.edu/ center-multiculturalacademic-excellence-cmae
Counseling Services
University Health Services Building
541-346-3227
counseling.uoregon.edu
Dean of Students Office
185 Oregon Hall
541-346-3216
dos.uoregon.edu
Division of Global Engagement
300 W Oregon Hall
541-346-3206
international.uoregon.edu
Division of Student Life
Oregon Hall
541-346-3216
studentlife.uoregon.edu
Duck Rides
Transportation Services
541-346-RIDE
duckrides.uoregon.edu
Financial Aid and Scholarships
287 Oregon Hall
541-346-3221
financialaid.uoregon.edu
First-Year Programs
107 Oregon Hall
541-346-1131
fyp.uoregon.edu
Fraternity and Sorority Life 043 Erb Memorial Union
541-346-2912
dos.uoregon.edu/fsl
Global Education Oregon (GEO)
300 W Oregon Hall
541-346-3207
geo.uoregon.edu
Holden Center for Leadership and Community Engagement
047 Erb Memorial Union
541-346-1146
holden.uoregon.edu
ID Card Services
Erb Memorial Union, ground level
541-346-4163
emu.uoregon.edu/card
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
ba.uoregon.edu/
University of Oregon
Office
Location
Phone
Office of Investigations & Civil Rights Compliance
677 E. 12th Ave, Suite. 452 541-346-3123
Office of the Registrar
234 Oregon Hall
541-346-2935
registrar.uoregon.edu
Parent and Family Programs
185 Oregon Hall
541-346-3234
families.uoregon.edu
Student Alumni Association (SAA)
119 Ford Alumni Center
541-346-5656
uoalumni.com/saa
Student Orientation Programs
450 Oregon Hall
541-346-1159
orientation.uoregon.edu
Student Recreation Center 1320 E. 15th Ave
541-346-4183
rec.uoregon.edu
Student Services and Enrollment Management
470 Oregon Hall
541-346-9386
ssem.uoregon.edu
Testing Center
E248 Univ Health, Counseling, and Testing Ctr
541-346-3230
testing.uoregon.edu
The Daily Emerald
302 Erb Memorial Union
541-346-5511
dailyemerald.com
The Duck Store
895 E. 13th Ave
541-255-0795
uoduckstore.com
Transportation Services
1401 Walnut St.
541-346-5444
transportation.uoregon.edu
Tutoring and Academic Engagement Center
Knight Library - 4th Floor
541-346-3226
engage.uoregon.edu
University Career Center
050 Tykeson Hall
541-346-3235
career.uoregon.edu
University Health Services
1590 E. 13th Ave
541-346-2770
health.uoregon.edu
University Housing
Bean Hall Complex West
541-346-4277
housing.uoregon.edu
University President
110 Johnson Hall
541-346-3036
president.uoregon.edu
UO Libraries
1501 Kincaid St.
541-346-3053
library.uoregon.edu
UO Police Department
2141 E. 15th Ave.
541-346-2919
police.uoregon.edu
University of Oregon
Website investigations.uoregon.edu
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University of Oregon
11
First Year of College Wisdom
By Vicki Nelson
As a professor, I often feel I have so much I could share with new college students to help soften the blow of the adjustment — if they would just listen to me. But students don’t always heed the advice of their professors. However, they do listen to other students — they’re interested in the wisdom of those just a step or two ahead of them. As the last academic year wound down, I sat down with a group of eight first-year students as they reflected on their experiences. I asked each of them one question: “What will you do differently next year?” Their responses showed a firm desire to build on lessons learned.
Time Management Marcus was quick to say he knew exactly what he needed to do differently next year: manage his time better. He’s a good student, but just assuming he’d find the time to get things done meant he was
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always worrying about his projects and assignments and still sometimes missed deadlines. First on his list for sophomore year is to buy a good planner — and use it to sketch out when assignments are due and what he will do when.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
The Adjustment to College
Discipline
Self-Care
Matthew used a planner and put his assignments in it faithfully. What he didn’t always do was follow through with his commitments. His calendar said it was time to study for an upcoming test, but he found all sorts of other things to do instead. This fall he’s going to discipline himself to stick to his plans.
Sleep Stefan also knew right away what he he wanted to change: his sleep habits. Freshman year, it was hard to stick to a schedule in the noisy residence hall. He struggled with assignments when he felt groggy from lack of sleep and missed more than a few early morning classes. To get more Zzz’s, he plans to buy noisecanceling headphones and consistently go to bed at a reasonable time.
Procrastination Shari tended to procrastinate and also to underestimate how much time assignments would take. All her work was harder and more time-consuming than it had been in high school. She’d had to ask for too many extensions on projects and had taken too many tests feeling unprepared. As a sophomore, she intends to start things earlier to avoid all that last minute panic.
Join In As a freshman, James was so worried about getting his work done that he turned down chances to join clubs and participate in intramural sports. James loves basketball and wishes he’d joined the campus newspaper so he could write about sports. He plans to sign up for a few things this fall so he can get to know people who share his interests.
Hillary had some academic struggles as a freshman, often because she had trouble staying focused. She is determined this year to take better care of herself — especially by working to shut out all of the drama that can happen with roommates and with other students’ problems. Her summer plan was to learn more about meditation so she can use it to calm her thoughts and distance herself from everyone else’s high emotions.
Lists During the first year of college, Austin often felt overwhelmed by everything he had to do — both inside and outside of the classroom. He had a planner for big assignments, but it was the little things that got past him because he was trying to hold them in his head. He wasn’t sure whether he’ll keep lists on paper or in an app on his phone — just so long as he gets all of the to-do’s out of his head and together in one place.
Balance Unlike James, Marisol got involved on campus — maybe to a fault. She’s a strong student and managed to keep up her grades even while participating in several clubs, hosting a radio show, and saying yes to the many requests to get involved in special projects. She wants to learn to say “no” — not to everything, but enough to be selective. She recognizes that doing less will let her enjoy what she does do even more.
This is first-year wisdom straight from first-year experiences. Eight students with eight ideas that will make a difference for their success.
University of Oregon
13
The Academic Adjustment From High School to College By Vicki Nelson
You can support your first-year student by talking with them about how their college academic experiences will differ from high school in three major areas:
2. Expectations Outside of the Classroom
•
Free time: Most high school students spend 6–7 hours a day in class, five days a week. College students may spend as little as 12–15 hours per week in the classroom. Those extra 20+ “free” hours per week mean that students are free to schedule their study time as they wish, not that they don’t have anything to do during that time.
•
Doing the work: Students are expected to do most of their coursework outside of class. They can expect to spend an average of two hours outside of the classroom for every hour spent in the classroom. In other words, a student carrying 15 credits (15 classroom hours) should be spending an additional 30 hours per week on classwork. Many students who struggle academically do so not because of their ability but because they underestimate the amount of time they should spend studying.
•
Finding help: Almost every college offers resources to help students succeed. However, students are responsible for knowing those resources, recognizing their need for help, and taking advantage of the help available. Encourage your student to seek help early and often.
1. Classes and Assignments
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•
Lectures may not directly follow the textbook, but students are still responsible for material covered in the book as well as in class.
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Students might not be tested on material assigned early in the term until much later or even on the final exam.
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Professors may not remind students of upcoming assignments or exams and may spend little or no time reviewing material. Students are expected to manage their own progress by following the syllabus, and in general the pace of classes is faster.
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College assignments often emphasize theory and the application of concepts over learning facts.
•
Instead of regular quizzes and chapter tests, there may only be two or three big tests or projects.
•
The professor may or may not consider attendance, attitude and effort when calculating your student’s final grade.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
The Adjustment to College
In high school, students have little control over their schedule and both teachers and parents help them stay on track. In college, students are expected to keep track of their own work and progress. Students who are ready to advocate for themselves and take advantage of the support available are students who succeed.
3. Relationships With Professors
Many college students don’t take advantage of the mentoring that faculty members can provide. You can help your student understand the importance of connecting with instructors and also give them tips for how to foster this connection. •
Taking the initiative: In high school, students have daily contact with their teachers. In college, they may see a particular professor only a couple of times a week. Most professors want to get to know their students better and help them succeed, but it’s the student’s responsibility to reach out.
•
Office hours: Going to office hours is the easiest and best way for students to get to know their professors. Students can use these conversations to get feedback and ask for suggestions about how to improve.
•
Teaching Assistants and study sessions: Most college professors are experts in their field of study, but may have less training in teaching methods. If your student’s learning style doesn’t seem to match the professor’s teaching style, they may need to reach out for clarification of material. Teaching Assistants are upper level students who help run discussion sections, labs and study sessions and are approachable and knowledgeable.
office hours Regular times each week when faculty members are available for students to drop by their office without an appointment.
syllabus A document handed out in each class at the start of the term — it includes the information covered by the course; dates and deadlines for tests, papers and projects; the instructor’s contact information; required books and materials; attendance policy; and grading procedures.
University of Oregon
15
Finding Community On Campus By Kelli Ruhl
To thrive instead of just survive, college students need to find community. Community is a friend or a group of friends who feel like home — who allow your student to grow into the person they want to become, and stand beside them throughout their college years and beyond. All new freshmen want to make friends but it doesn’t happen overnight. To find your people, you have to put yourself out there. In my case, it took a whole semester (and a firm nudge from my parents) to find a group of close friends at my large public university. The first few months on campus, in a new place without the circle of friends I’d grown up with, I felt adrift. Seeing this, my parents pushed me to check out The Annex, a college ministry that my older brother had attended, and to sign up for an Annex service trip to Costa Rica.
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Despite my reservations — as in I didn’t know a single person on the trip! — I gave it a shot. That decision changed my life. On that trip I found my community. Your newly independent first-year student is in the driver’s seat now, able to make their own choices about how to spend their time outside of the classroom. They are no longer limited to the experiences and personalities of their hometown, or the high school pressure to blend in. In college, they get to celebrate what makes them unique.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
The Adjustment to College If your student isn’t sure where to start on the road to building community, here are some options worth checking out:
Social and Cultural Identity Groups These are a great way for students to engage with individuals of similar backgrounds or lifestyles. The University of California Santa Cruz, for example, has a large selection of student-run groups, including chapters of the Sikh Student Association; Prism: Student Coalition for Gender, Sex, & Sexuality; Iranian Student Association; College Diabetes Network; Black Student Union; Hermanas Unidas; and Hmong Student Association among many, many others. No matter your student’s unique identity, they can find a place to embrace it among peers, and many of these groups welcome allies and host campus-wide activities.
Intramural and Club Sports For serious (and not-so-serious!) athletes, intramural and club sports are a fantastic way to meet people and feel part of a tight-knit group. Intramural sports provide a range of men’s, women’s and coed team and individual activities. Club sports are a more competitive option for those who want to compete at the local, intercollegiate, regional or even national level.
Student Clubs and Organizations No matter what sparks your student’s interest, there is likely a club that caters to it. From school publications and student government to groups centered around chess, creative writing, yoga, beekeeping, fashion, mathematics and more, there truly is something for everyone.
Sororities and Fraternities Students looking for a truly immersive social experience may want to look into Greek life if there are chapters on their campus. These “brotherhoods” and “sisterhoods” involve communal living, secret handshakes and social calendars chock-full of gatherings, meetings,
philanthropic events and bonding experiences. Sororities and fraternities can be expensive, but they often pay off in the long run. Alumni look out for their brothers and sisters, which translates into prime networking opportunities for graduates.
Beyond finding a group of close friends, it’s also important for students to get involved with their campus community as a whole. Cheering at games, attending events or getting involved in volunteer work are fun ways for your student to feel like they are truly a part of their school.
Volunteer and Social Justice Opportunities Suggest that your student explore the college’s website for opportunities to volunteer in the community or sign up for an “alternative break” trip (these may be local projects over shorter breaks, or involve travel to other parts of the U.S. or even abroad).
Intercollegiate Athletics Sporting events are a prime place to meet people, and also the perfect way to foster team spirit and feel connected to their school and their classmates.
Campus Events and Performances Calendars boasting a wealth of schoolaffiliated events, from concerts and lectures to art and photography exhibits, can be found on the college website. Encourage your student to check the calendar every week or two to see what sparks their interest.
A Class in a New Academic Area As your student digs into their major, there should still be time to take a few classes just for the joy of discovery. Cheer them on as they embrace the challenge of moving outside their intellectual comfort zone. The bonus: a chance to meet classmates they might not otherwise cross paths with.
University of Oregon
17
Surviving the Early Weeks As a New College Parent By Suzanne Shaffer
When it was time to say goodbye to my daughter after helping her move to her new campus, I didn’t even mist up. But on the airplane later, I’m sure my fellow passengers wondered why I was crying the entire flight home. Not all the tears were from sadness. There were tears of pride and thankfulness, too, and in general a feeling of breathless expectation. She and I were both about to go through some big changes.
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The early weeks of my daughter’s college career were a mix of excitement, frustration and panic…and those were just my emotions. After 18 years of doing my best to raise a responsible adult, I wasn’t so sure she would act like one — or so sure I was ready to let her try.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
A New Perspective on Parenting
The start of college requires a new approach to parenting. Here is what I learned: Embrace your changing role.
Don’t race to the rescue.
The day-to-day responsibility of meeting all your student’s needs now gives way to listening and advising (with a heavy emphasis on the former). Fear not: you are sure to get the occasional phone call with a ridiculous question (“How many degrees is a fever and what did you used to give me to make me feel better?”) reminding you that they still rely on you.
Psychology professor Marshall Duke has addressed family members at new student orientation for three decades. If and when your student calls home with a dilemma, Duke recommends moving “like your feet are stuck in molasses.” Remind your student of the resources available on campus and express your confidence in their ability to handle things. In my experiences with both my son and daughter, they almost always just needed to vent and talk through the situation. They weren’t looking for me to solve their problems; they simply wanted a listening ear and advice if asked.
Don’t expect overnight adulthood. No matter their maturity level, all freshmen need time to get the hang of their new responsibilities. Be patient. As they figure out how to study, write college-level papers, keep an eye on their bank balance, make new friends, detach from those friends if they turn out to be unsuitable, and so much more, they will drop balls and make mistakes. It’s a process.
Anticipate some academic struggle. When my daughter, a former straight-A student, got B’s and C’s on her first papers and tests, she was crushed. I encouraged her to take advantage of tutoring, writing labs and study groups and to meet with professors to ask for help. It takes a term or two to adjust to the college curriculum, work load and testing style and to figure out what’s important to study from a lecture. Grades will almost always improve.
Prepare to be ignored (if only a little). College students have action-packed schedules. The time they spend on their phone will be communicating with friends, not their parents. To avoid worrying, establish some communication guidelines that work for both of you, whether this means scheduling a regular weekly call or just having a rule about how long they can wait before texting you back.
Send some love. My daughter was homesick at first so to let her know I was thinking about her, I mailed frequent short letters, popping in a gift card, some confetti, a silly sticker. A few months in, she informed me that, while she appreciated the letters, her mailbox was filling faster than she could empty it. What a happy sign — she had better things to do than haunt the mailroom! I still wrote and sent occasional care packages, just not as often. (Because in all honesty, writing the letters may have mattered more to me than receiving them did to her.)
Know that it’s okay to let go. You’ve done everything to make sure your student is prepared. They’ve got this. And so do you.
University of Oregon
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FR A N
The Duck Store
E 13TH AVE
E 13TH AVE
KLIN
AVE
BLVD
E 15TH AVE
ORCHARD ST
Matthew Knight Arena
VILLARD ST
THE UNIVERSITY OF OREGON
AGATE ST
UNIVERSITY ST
Bijou Art Cinemas
E DR
You’ve never lived like this. Walk or bike to class Private bedrooms and bathrooms available
Amenities for a fit and healthy lifestyle Academically oriented environments
Fully furnished apartments
Swimming pools with sun decks
Hardwood-style flooring
Individual liability leases and roommate matching available
Amenities subject to change. See office for details.
Start a Real Conversation With Your College Student
By Marlene Kern Fischer
Communicating with your college student can be a tricky thing. When (and if) you’re able to reach them, you may find that they’re in a rush, surrounded by other people or simply not in the mood to chat. You’re willing to settle for a text conversation, but even those can be less than illuminating (“TTYL”).
After sharing your student’s daily life for 18 years, it’s understandable that these abbreviated exchanges may leave you feeling blue. Cheer up! There are ways to improve your conversations. Through trial and error, I’ve identified three approaches which can be used to glean information from a college student. The methods aren’t mutually exclusive; you can employ any combination.
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The Humorous Approach My sons get less annoyed at what they view as prying if I make them laugh first. Example: “Are you eating your Tide pods or using them?” This might elicit a chuckle (or a groan) and pave the way for a discussion about things such as how often they’re doing laundry, what they’re eating, and other nuts and bolts of college life. I was appalled to discover that my boys were only changing their sheets a few times each term and was willing to use any opening to encourage more attention to housekeeping.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
A New Perspective on Parenting
The Roundabout Approach Our college students don’t appreciate us snooping into their social lives, especially regarding relationships. My oldest son once told me flat out that when and if there was an important development in this area he’d let me know. But I was rarely patient enough to wait. When I knew my two older sons had their fraternity formal coming up, I’d ask about it and then oh-so casually inquire if they were taking anyone. This was how I discovered both of them had girlfriends. I also used the roundabout approach to find out how they were getting along with their roommates. When it was time for next year’s housing selection, I’d ask if they planned on living with their current roommate, and if not, who they were considering instead. This gave me some insight into the shifting landscape of their friendships. It can be a way to get them talking about the classes they’re taking as well. Saying something like, “I just paid the Amazon order for your sociology books — they look interesting,” might pave the way for them to open up. You can employ the roundabout approach as a gentle prompt, too. Meeting with professors is important to having a successful academic career. As a senior my middle son expressed regret that he didn’t start going to his professors’ office hours until halfway through college. If you want to know if your student has reached out to their professors, you might
ask, “So, does your history professor have pictures of her spouse and kids on her desk? How about her dog?” Your student may get the hint, find out when office hours are, and plan to stop in.
The Direct Approach Sometimes this is the only way to go. Parents worry — it’s alright to just come out and ask what we want to know if we’re concerned (or even merely curious). If our students get annoyed, so be it. I‘ve asked my sons outright about their health, happiness and homesickness, to name just a few topics. When using the direct approach it’s best to be specific. Instead of “how are you feeling?” try, “It sounds like your allergies are bothering you — are you taking your medicine?” I avoid open-ended questions where the answer could be “fine” because more often than not that’s the answer I’ll get. Not every student is a born communicator and you may have to learn to live with that. I find that my sons generally share more in person and sometimes I have to wait until I see them to find out what’s really going on. At the end of the day, at a time in their life when they’re asserting their independence, no matter what you ask or how you ask it, you may be met with some resistance. Keep trying. The important thing is for them to know that you’re always there, ready to listen when they’re ready to talk.
We understand that broaching some subjects can be tricky. For additional conversation starters and resources visit families.uoregon.edu/conversations.
University of Oregon
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When They Return Home From Break By Connie Lissner
I remember when my oldest was coming home for the summer after freshman year in college. I was positively giddy. I could not wait to have the whole family under one roof again. We could talk for more than 10 minutes on Sundays! We could eat together as a family! Things could finally go back to normal. Following months of being on his own and doing things “his way” (a phrase I heard at least 20 times a day), my newly returned college student bucked against our family life. Sleep was on his time (i.e., not when the rest of us tended to sleep), meals were often eaten out with friends, and hanging out with his family was not a priority. Of course, he wasn’t the only one who needed to readjust. When he first left for college, I thought I’d never get used to his empty bedroom or setting the table for three instead of four. Shockingly, however, I did. I also adjusted to less laundry, smaller grocery bills and a significant reduction in noise in our house. I’m not embarrassed to say that I seriously considered sending him away after the first two weeks. I didn’t think we’d ever figure out a way to co-exist. Thankfully, we were able to negotiate a happy truce for the remainder of that summer. I learned a lot from that experience (although I admit I still expect a seamless transition every time my son returns home, and am always shocked when it doesn’t happen). Still, after three years, I’ve developed a “survival plan” that seems to work. So far I haven’t shipped him off, and I haven’t fled my house either. We must be doing something right.
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Here Are My Top Tips!
1. Set ground rules early.
Don’t wait until you explode to share your expectations with your returning student. Take curfew, for instance. I can guarantee that they will balk at having one. Their argument will go something like this: “You didn’t stay up all night worrying about where I was when I was at school” (little do they know, right?). But maybe you want them home at a reasonable hour so you can sleep without being woken at 3 a.m. by someone making a grilled cheese. Whatever you expect of your student — chores, family commitments, attitudes — address this early and often.
2. Recognize that reentry
will always require some adjustment. Things will be
different every time your student comes home. Even after three years of summer breaks, winter breaks and occasional weekends, the first couple days are always awkward at our house. Everyone is navigating the new setup and trying really hard not to start a fight (well, almost everyone).
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
A New Perspective on Parenting
3. Respect the evolving sibling dynamic. Maybe your middle
child is reveling in the new role of older sibling, or your solo younger child is enjoying their space. With the return of your college student, family dynamics will shift, and new conflicts are bound to pop up. For instance, my youngest, who used to follow his older brother everywhere, now found him in the way. Their bickering was non-stop, and I was forced to play referee over things as ridiculous as who got the middle kitchen counter stool. Eventually they settled into their new roles.
4. Be flexible. Sure it’s your house,
your rules, but remember that your student has been managing life without you (no matter how many times a day they text). You want to encourage that independence. Now is the time to let go — just a little.
5. Negotiate what you’re
willing to do for them. Will
you do their laundry? Cook every meal? Yes, my son knows how to do laundry, but I personally prefer to have all the laundry done at once, and I don’t want my laundry washed like a college student washes their laundry. I also enjoy cooking, so making dinner for everyone isn’t a problem for me. Three meals a day, on the other hand, is not an option (no matter how much my son tries to sweet talk me into making him lunch).
6. Prepare to see less of your
student than you might like. Toss aside dreams of regular
family dinners, game nights and late night talks around the kitchen counter (yes, those were my dreams). Schedule an occasional mandatory family dinner and squeeze in a game or movie whenever an opportunity presents itself (it may be a quick hand of Gin Rummy on a rainy Saturday afternoon). Seize any chance to chat
in the kitchen even if that means that you’re awake and willing to make that post-midnight grilled cheese sandwich.
7. Enjoy the spontaneous
moments. I had a bucket list of
things we were going to do that first summer, and I think I checked off one item. I spent so much time trying to plan activities that I missed many of the little moments I could have shared with my son. Once I realized it was a lost cause, I chucked my list and started enjoying the found time between us. Which brings me to a key point...
8. Don’t put your own life on
hold. While you’re making lists of
things to do together, don’t forget to pen in time to do your own thing. I know I’m not the only parent who waits around on the off chance that my kid might want to grab lunch or run a few errands with me. I have a friend who passed up a girls’ trip because she wanted to be around for her daughter’s last day home over spring break — just in case. Turns out her daughter didn’t even come home that break. She went away with her friends instead! So don’t blow off that yoga class, Sunday morning bike ride, or dinner with friends. And don’t feel guilty about it either.
9. Most importantly: Marvel at the new person your young adult has become. Whatever
expectations I have of who is coming through my door at the end of the school year, I am always a little surprised by who actually shows up. Maybe it’s because of a class he’s taken, a new friend he’s met or a new experience he’s had, but every time my son comes home he is a little different, a little more his own person. And that really is something to look forward to.
University of Oregon
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Choosing a Major: 6 Tips For Guiding Your Student
By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.
Every parent wants their student to find their “calling” and click with a major that will help pave the way to a career. Students want that, too! But the process of declaring a major can be scary as well as exhilarating. “Am I making the right choice?” they wonder. “Will I be able to find a job after graduation?” Luckily, there are stressreducing ways to support and guide students who are at this juncture.
1. Relax. No need to make this
experience more fraught than it already is. Remember that it’s normal for the journey from major to career to twist and turn. Make an effort to keep things in perspective and share this attitude with your student.
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2. Have them reflect on their past to figure out their future. Encourage your student
to reflect on what they liked when they were younger, what they did in their spare time for fun, and what activities they participated in and why. Their past holds clues about the kinds of majors that might interest them. Someone who counseled their friends through difficult times may find themselves interested in psychology or social work. An athlete might gravitate to sports management…or sports medicine.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
Academic Success and Career Prep
Nearly one-third of incoming UO students are undecided about their majors. Working with an academic advisor will help them stay on track. Advisors in the Office of Academic Advising can help students transition to the university, explore their major options, and decide on a path. If your student is deciding on their major or contemplating a major change, encourage them to call 541-346-3211 or go to 101 Oregon Hall to schedule an appointment.
3. Encourage them to focus
appreciation for diversity) are more important than the content knowledge they gained from their major. At the very least, their advice may lower the pressure to make a “right choice.”
on what they want to learn, not what sounds good. The
best way to erase self-doubt is to find a subject they like and that will help them build transferrable skills. Ask what kinds of classes interest them the most and which classes challenge them to think and grow. A student who says they want to major in business “so my parents will leave me alone” is not a student who will be happy with their choice long term.
4. Suggest they compare
degree plans. Reading through
the course catalog (available on the university website) is another way to narrow their choices. If your student is choosing between economics and education, for example, suggest they read through the degree requirements to see which plan appeals to them more and also browse the course descriptions. They’ll spend a lot of time in their major courses and should be intrigued by the topics that await them in that department.
What if my student wants to change their major? Students change majors for a variety of reasons and it is perfectly normal. But it can still be worrisome to parents, who wonder if their student will be able to graduate on time. In addition to discussing what led them to this new direction (was it a single fabulous course or professor? a new career goal?), here are questions you can ask to help your student make the best decision: •
How many additional courses do you need to take? The earlier the change is made, the less likely your student will need to take lots of additional courses.
•
Will you need to take more credit hours per term or take summer classes to stay on track? In some cases, an additional course per term or a couple of classes over the summer may be all that’s needed to graduate in four years.
•
What other requirements does the new degree plan include? Some degree plans require internships or practicums that must be taken into consideration.
5. Suggest they interview
recent college graduates.
Some of the best advice about college majors comes from recent graduates. New grads are likely to tell your student that, in general, the skills they acquired in college (e.g., critical thinking, written communication,
University of Oregon
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Coach Your Student to Communicate with Professors
By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.
The student-professor relationship in college is one of the most important to cultivate. Professors want to develop strong relationships with their students, and students should want the same. Here are a few tips to guide your student through the process of creating an open line of communication with a professor. Establish a Relationship Early Professors will be happy to get to know your student before a problem arises. Any time during the term (with the exception of the day before the final!) is a good time to reach out, but the sooner the better. Your student should take cues from
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the syllabus about the best way to communicate with a professor. Is the professor available to meet in person or is email or an online meeting better? It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: If the professor prefers email, then use email and check it often.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
Academic Success and Career Prep When your student meets with the professor for the first time, it’s a good idea to have a list of questions ready. Here are a few that can help your student learn more about the professor’s expectations: •
•
•
“I want to learn as much as I can in your class. What can I do to succeed?” “I usually [fill in usual study practices]. What will work best for this class?” “I want to be sure I start off with solid work in your class. Can I come see you before an assignment is due to make sure I’m on the right track?”
A solid relationship early in the term can be helpful if your student’s circumstances change. When students moved home because of the pandemic, one of my students had to pick up extra shifts at his job and could no longer join our class online at the designated time. Another student was dealing with limited internet access. Faculty will want to know about any situation that makes it hard for a student to access their courses or show up to class if face-to-face sessions are held.
Create a Plan to Stay Organized Now more than ever your student needs a planner, preferably a large one that can hang on a wall or anything that can be accessed easily. They can use their planners to: •
Keep track of when classes meet
•
Enter exam and assignment due dates
•
Schedule regular study hours
•
Keep track of club meetings, athletic practices, work shifts
•
Block out time to socialize when they don’t have other obligations
your first-year student to take advantage of any time management workshops offered by the Teaching and Academic Engagement Center.
Seek Immediate Feedback After Graded Work If your student gets an low or failing grade — even if they think they know why — it’s good to check in with the professor ASAP. Here are a few ways to open that conversation: •
“I reviewed my work. Can we go over what I did wrong so I understand what I should do differently next time?”
•
“I’m bummed I messed up that assignment. Would you help me see where I made mistakes?”
•
“Can we talk about how this low grade will affect my progress in the course? I want to be sure to make the improvements I need to raise my grade.”
Because students share this fear with me, it’s worth telling you: Yes, professors really want to talk with students who’ve failed an assignment. No, they don’t think their students aren’t smart enough to pass their class. Professors want their students to learn and to earn good grades. Your student shouldn’t be ashamed to speak to a professor about a class they’re struggling in. Reaching out demonstrates a willingness to improve.
Check Email!
In college, students spend fewer hours in class than they did in high school but many more hours reading, studying and preparing for class, and this is a big change. Encourage
Good email habits have become more important than ever with the increase in online assignments and Zoom meetings. Institutions make important announcements and share updates via email and many professors prefer to communicate this way as well. Students who don’t check email regularly quickly feel lost. Encourage your student to check their school email account at least once a day. It’s a simple habit that will serve them well all through college.
University of Oregon
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The Importance of Internships in College By Ianni Le and Suzanne Shaffer
Many students start college unsure about what kind of career they want and the best path to get there. While coursework can help them figure this out, internships are also key. Students discover what they love through their classes, but there’s nothing like realworld experience to clarify what they’re looking for in a job. Prospective employers value internship experience, and internships often lead to an offer for a full-time position. With all the competition for jobs after graduation, your student can’t afford to ignore the importance of internships!
How Do Internships Work and Where Do Students Find Them? The purpose of an internship is to provide a meaningful learning opportunity for the student. Internships may be paid or unpaid and the student may or may not receive academic credit for them. Sometimes
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an internship connects very directly with a student’s college coursework. The company or organization also benefits because they can supplement their workforce with students, some of whom will eventually become permanent hires. Though internships may require the student to perform what might seem like menial tasks, those tasks help the student gather information about the job and/or industry — and are a practical reminder that we all start out on the ground floor.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
Academic Success and Career Prep The campus career center is a primary source for locating internships; companies that love to hire students from the school will actively recruit through job/career fairs and online listings. The career center can also help your student with internshiprelated tasks: resumes, cover letters and interview tips. Professors are another source for internship leads — just one more reason for your student to cultivate meaningful relationships with professors. Handshake is an excellent website that specializes in helping college students find internships. Your student can also check online internship databases like Internships.com, WayUp.com and YouTern.com. Last but not least, encourage your student to get on LinkedIn and interact with their connections. (If they don’t have a LinkedIn account yet, now’s the time to create one!)
What I Learned from My Internships in College – Ianni Le 1. My internships taught me about myself, and what I need to thrive in a work environment.
Internships also offer these benefits: •
The opportunity to “try on” a career before applying for and accepting a “real” job.
•
A chance to identify areas where they may need to take additional classes related to their career interests before graduation.
•
Higher starting salaries based on career-specific work experience.
How Can Family Members Help? Your role is to serve as an advisor, offering guidance but allowing your student to take the lead. It’s appropriate to discuss their career and professional goals and proofread resumes and cover letters. Don’t forget to think about your own personal connections. Maybe you know someone looking for an intern or working in your student’s field of interest that you can connect them with. Your student will appreciate the introduction even if you’re just helping them build their network. You can also be a cheerleader when (not if) your student encounters disappointment while applying for internships. They may need to apply for 10 or 12 before landing one!
2. They helped me mature into someone who was prepared to enter the workforce, confident in my ability to stay professional in different situations and engage with colleagues and bosses. 3. Internships also taught me how to ask for help in a professional setting and that it was okay to lean on my team members when I needed to.
Rocking a Virtual Internship Tips from Handshake
4. Internships prepared me for the job search. I took away real-life skills and built new perspectives on my field of study and my personal creativity which helped me become a competitive candidate for fulltime jobs after graduation.
1. Set goals and milestones with your manager
5. Internships allowed me to build my network, making it easy to turn to different people for advice further down the line.
5. Find a mentor inside the company
2. Communicate often 3. Be engaged on Zoom 4. Proactively learn from your team
6. Connect with other interns 7. Take screen breaks
6. Internships are fantastic practice for future job interviews! University of Oregon
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Important Health Conversations to Have with Your Student
By CollegiateParent
In college, probably for the first time, your student will be wholly responsible for taking care of their own physical and emotional wellbeing. For that reason, the most important health conversations you can have with them are ones where you encourage them to make wellness a priority in their daily lives, to familiarize themselves with health support resources on campus, and to always feel comfortable reaching out to you when they have a concern or just need a little advice. Revisit health-related topics each and every time you see or chat with your student.
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1
Make sure they know how health insurance works.
Go over their coverage (whether they’re signed up for the school’s health plan or are still covered by your family insurance plan) and how and where to access services. Will they use the campus health center for all their needs, or go there just for the easy stuff (flu shots, treatment for minor illnesses like colds) and see a provider or specialist in the local community?
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
Life in Balance
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Review the resources that are available on campus.
They’ll receive a lot of information at orientation and during move-in/welcome week, but it can be overwhelming. If you look at the website, you’ll be able to nudge them to explore what’s offered at University Health Services. Your student will find online informational materials, classes and workshops, and drop-in support groups related to pretty much every wellness issue under the sun: •
Nutrition and body positivity
•
Sexual health, gender identity, relationships
•
Alcohol education
•
Stress and anxiety management
•
Conflict resolution skills
Don’t forget about religious and spiritual life opportunities, and fitness classes and recreational facilities at the Student Recreation Center.
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Go over what to do if they get sick.
Your student should have a first aid kit with a thermometer and basic overthe-counter remedies for self-care. Talk through some possible scenarios, ranging from how to treat a cold to how to know if it’s something more serious like the flu. Remind them that if symptoms (sore throat, fever, vomiting, headache, etc.) linger for days without improvement, they should definitely visit the campus health center — but they don’t have to suffer in silence if they just want to get checked out and have their mind put at ease. Since colleges are bound by a federal law called FERPA (the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act), which governs the privacy of student educational and treatment records, you won’t know if or when your student visits University Health Services. It’s up to your student to decide whether to share information with you, which is something else the two of you can discuss early on.
Talk to your student about responsible drinking. Most families have strict rules about drinking in high school, but in college an “abstinence only” policy may not be practical. National surveys show that 9 out of 10 college students experiment with alcohol, 7 out of 10 drink regularly, and 3 out of 10 will be problem drinkers. This doesn’t mean parents should feel helpless. Instead, by being proactive and talking regularly with your student about the campus party scene, their experiences with alcohol and what it means to drink responsibly, you can continue to have a positive influence. Educating your student about responsible drinking isn’t the same as encouraging or endorsing underage drinking. Instead, when you teach your student about how alcohol works in the body, the importance of sticking with friends at parties, and how to recognize when it’s time to exit a situation or call for help, you’re emphasizing health, safety and self-advocacy. These conversations require that you know your facts, be honest and open-minded, and most of all, be ready to listen. For more information, visit dos.uoregon.edu/parent-handbook.
University of Oregon
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Supporting Mental Health: A Checklist for Families By Stephanie Pinder-Amaker, Ph.D. and Active Minds
Mental health issues are far more common than most people realize. Fifty percent of us will encounter a mental health challenge in our lifetime! Unfortunately, the group least likely to seek help are young people. And while starting college is exciting, some students find themselves overwhelmed by the transition to an unfamiliar environment full of new pressures and expectations. Awareness and open lines of communication — with family members, professors/instructors, coaches and friends — can go a long way toward making sure no student struggles alone. Check out these tips on how to empower and support your new college student.
1. Prepare your student. It’s very likely that your student, or one of their roommates or friends, will experience a mental health issue while at college. Prepare your student by talking about mental health on a regular basis. Review together what campus resources are available if they’re ever in a position to help a friend. By maintaining a dialogue, you’ll help them feel comfortable coming to you with questions and problems without fear of being judged.
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2. Scope out services and have a plan.
All students, but particularly those who have already experienced mental health issues, should have a plan in place in case things get too difficult to handle. Call or make an appointment with the campus mental health or counseling center to learn what services are available. If your student is already in the care of a psychiatrist or psychologist, make plans to continue that care with a clinician close to campus. (The campus mental health center may keep a list of convenient off-campus providers who work well with students.) Your student should have regular check-ins with a professional to monitor any changes. They can also pre-register with the Accessible Education Center to access helpful accommodations.
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
Life in Balance
If you feel your student needs immediate help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “BRAVE” to 741-741 for free 24/7 confidential support.
3. Stay in touch.
6. Allow mistakes.
Make time for regular conversations in addition to texting your student. It’s easier to hear in their voice when something is bothering them. Facetime and Skype can be even better. Keep an eye out for symptoms of depression (including sadness), anxiety, hopelessness, irritability, restlessness, sleep difficulties, loss of appetite, suicidal thoughts, unexplained aches and pains, and tearfulness. A sudden drop in academic performance can be another sign that support is needed.
4. Check in about self-care. The importance of a healthy diet, adequate sleep and regular exercise can’t be overstated, particularly as they relate to overall mental health. Help your student connect self-care with emotional stability — ask them how they feel when they eat well or when they sleep poorly.
5. Forget stigma. If your student is experiencing mental health issues, prioritize getting help over the fear of tarnishing their transcript or reputation. Some students will need time off from school to recover and get back on track. Each college has its own policy about granting medical leave — you can contact the Dean of Students office to find out the procedure for taking a temporary leave of absence.
Perfection is not a realistic goal and it’s important to let your student know that you support them no matter what. Mistakes and failure are an unavoidable part of life and we can learn from them. A perfect GPA isn’t worth it if it comes at the expense of your student’s emotional well-being. Active Minds is the nation’s premier nonprofit organization supporting mental health awareness and education for students. With a presence on more than 600 campuses benefiting 5.4+ million students, Active Minds empowers students to create supportive communities, connect peers to resources, and take action for suicide prevention. Explore helpful resources at activeminds.org.
Encourage your student to visit the Duck Nest in the Erb Memorial Union. Their staff of Peer Wellness Advocates can help your student develop self-care and life-balance strategies related to stress, nutrition, physical activity, and general wellness.
University of Oregon
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Balancing the Budget By Suzanne Shaffer and CollegiateParent
One of the biggest challenges outside the classroom for students adjusting to college life is learning to manage money. They’re suddenly responsible for paying for all sorts of things on their own, from textbooks and groceries to laundry (you hope) and maybe an occasional haircut. With the convenience of buying and ordering stuff with a smartphone or debit card, it can be easy to let little purchases add up to a financial headache. The parent’s role? Help your student make a budget and, if you have access, help them track the money going in and out of their bank account. Printable budget worksheets are easy to find
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online, including on your bank’s website, and there are many good smartphone budgeting apps, too — Mint is a favorite.
The Fall Term Spending Money Budget If you didn’t do this before the start of the school year, take time now to make a list with your student of their likely flexible/recreational expenses (everything besides tuition, room, board and student fees — although if they’ll contribute to these, put them in the budget as well).
collegiateparent.com/school/university-of-oregon
Life in Balance
Flexible expenses can include: Textbooks Clothing Electronics and school supplies Toiletries and other personal items Dorm furnishings Laundry money Food/drink outside of the meal plan Entertainment Local travel (PeaceHealth Rides, Uber trips) Recreational travel and trips home Sorority/fraternity or club dues Next, estimate how much each item will be and agree on who’s paying for what, taking your student’s income into consideration. Their income will come from their savings, any earnings from a campus job (if they will work), and possibly an allowance from you. Make it a goal for your student to maintain a certain level of savings. Be sure to discuss how peer pressure can cause students to overspend. Your student may need to say no sometimes to an activity or purchase that a roommate or friend doesn’t think twice about. On this subject, be clear up front about what will happen if your student doesn’t stay within their budget (in case they assume you’ll automatically bail them out). Fall term will involve some experimentation. Your student may find it easy to stay within their budget or end up running short each month. Over winter break, you can look back together at the experience and help them revise their budget based on what they learned. *A comprehensive study published by NASPA, “First-Year Students’ Employment, Engagement, and Academic Achievement: Untangling the Relationship Between Work and Grades” by G.R. Pike, G.D. Kuh and R.C. Massa-McKinley, is often cited and its findings have held up over time.
The Perks of Campus Employment A great way to balance income and spending is to get a campus job. College students who work part-time during the school year get better grades than those who don’t,* probably because they need to be more focused, organized and conscientious about budgeting time for study. Finding a job in the local community is always an option, but on-campus positions have special advantages. The hours are usually flexible, and supervisors will accommodate your student’s schedule. Student employees meet more of their fellow students as well as more faculty members, administrators and staff — a great network for career mentorship, professional references and all-around support. If federal work study is part of your student’s financial aid package, they can research and apply for available workstudy positions, but there are usually plenty of campus jobs to go around for any student who wants one. Departments that hire students may include the admissions and alumni offices, recreation center, library, dining facilities, bookstore, museums and art galleries, language and computer labs, and performance spaces.
The UO’s Financial Wellness Center is devoted to creating a community of financially capable students. Through their interactive campuswide workshops, they provide lessons and resources to help students manage their money by budgeting and borrowing responsibly, understanding credit, and making informed decisions regarding their finances. Learn more here: ffp.uoregon.edu.
University of Oregon
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Meet Our Writers Active Minds is the nation’s premier
nonprofit organization supporting mental health awareness and education for students. With a presence on ore than 600 campuses benefiting 5.4+ million students, Active Minds empowers students to create supportive communities, connect peers to resources, and take action for suicide prevention. Explore helpful resources at activeminds.org.
Amy Baldwin, Ed.D. is the Director of Student Transitions at the University of Central Arkansas and co-author of The College Experience and A High School Parent’s Guide to College Success: 12 Essentials. Amy and her husband are parents of two college students.
Marlene Kern Fischer is a wife,
mother, blogger (Thoughts from Aisle Four) and essay coach. A founding contributor at CollegiateParent, her work has also been featured on Huffington Post, Grown & Flown, Parent & Co., the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, MockMom and Beyond Your Blog.
Stephanie Pinder-Amaker, Ph.D. is director of the College Mental Health Program at McLean Hospital, an instructor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and an Active Minds National Advisor.
Kelli Ruhl is a lifestyle writer with a passion for capturing compelling stories. She is mom to two incredible kids, a proud CU alum (Go Buffs!) and an avid reader and runner.
Suzanne Shaffer counsels students
and families through her blog, Parenting for College. Her advice has been highlighted on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, U.S. News College and TeenLife online and she has written for Smart College Visit, College Focus, Noodle Education and Road2College. Her articles have also been featured in print in TeenLife, UniversityParent and CollegiateParent publications.
Ianni Le is a writer and content creator
for CollegiateParent. She attended the University of Colorado at Boulder, graduating with a degree in Media Design and English Literature. She grew up in Shanghai, China and enjoys her dogs, books and food equally.
Connie Lissner is a writer, lawyer,
wife and mother of two sons — one in college and the other a recent graduate. Connie’s parenting escapades have been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, Grown & Flown, Scary Mommy, LifeAfter50, Club Mid, BlogHer and Not Your Mother’s Book…on Parenting.
Vicki Nelson has nearly four
decades’ experience in higher education as a professor, academic advisor and administrator. Her website, College Parent Central, is a source of bountiful information and support for the families of college students.
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