Coaching Assertiveness
Assertiveness is the
Secret Sauce
By David Tuttle
There’s so much to do as you send your kids off to college: planning, buying, packing, and managing emotions. As a father who dropped off four kids at college, I know what you’re going through. I’m not ashamed to say that I bawled like a baby when I said goodbye to each child. I was super sad, and worse, based on my experience as a former Dean of Students, I think I simply knew too much for my own good. Certainly, you’ve rehearsed and maybe even delivered your farewell spiel: Get good grades, stay in touch, be safe, and don’t run through all of your (our?) money in the first month. When I was Dean, I sent parents a list of uncomfortable and scary things to discuss with their students. This wasn’t to make the angst worse but, rather, to nudge parents to talk about substantive topics that could have significant impacts on their student’s success. These topics included alcohol, drugs, sexual safety, hazing, mental health, college rules, personal safety, and more. On campus, we followed up by covering these topics in new student orientation. 28
If you haven’t discussed these things, it’s not too late. If you have, it’s good to check in once in a while with reminders and to ask your student about challenges and difficulties they’ve encountered. You can talk through these challenges and discuss lessons learned, ways to manage issues in the future, or how to avoid these situations altogether. Struggling to figure out what to prioritize? Here’s the hierarchy I go by: Health and safety come first, academics second, and social life third. This isn’t random. I’ve worked with students and parents for more than 30 years and have seen it all:
students in life-threatening situations, grappling with roommate difficulties, social complications, academic challenges, and unanticipated hardships from organization, club, and team involvement.
In all of these cases, the number one skill students need to survive and thrive is assertiveness. Fall 2022
