Worth Peppers And I Thought I Loved You Then

And I Thought I Loved You Then

Worth Peppers

Once you were but a dream, nostalgia for a life that had yet to be lived.

And I thought I loved you then.

The dust became form. The form became light. An accumulation of desire and defeat, you were the byproduct of a love that had grown weary. You were steel struck against flint in hopes of gathering the warmth that had faded as unspoken emotion caused beauty to hibernate.

And I thought I loved you then.

You conjoined two spirits that had disengaged. Life fulfilled, a premonition of purpose, because of you, blossomed once more. The clouds rolled from the sky, departing on their ways like amicable friends and the sun rose to center stage. And she was beautiful. And she was vulnerable. And she was seen as she was meant to be.

And I thought I loved you then.

You rose like ivy on stone. Clinging tightly to a sturdy foundation. Solidifying the purpose of the stone, you brought beauty from her insolence. You restored the honor of a harlot soul.

And I thought I loved you then.

Your development, your achievements, your nobility - you brought loyalty to hearts that were fickle. Your steps left indents on the sand of souls that were beaches without tourists. You, a beacon of truth and justice, kept every commandment and claimed every fault for the sake of restoration.

And I thought I loved you then.

Your love was effortless, prosperous, accessible. Your love held the value of every longing, until you laid your frail body in the bed of trauma while she reeked of addiction and dreams forgotten. Until you covered the bruises of mediocrity with humor and all her deflections. Until sorrow remained a late night lover who stayed too long and required too much. Until you were pregnant with grief and “full-term” meant forever. Until you were a Gomer in the land of Hosea. Until your love’s equity was depleted.

And even so, I thought I loved you then.

You pleaded with truth for any relief, should he allow your head to embrace a pillow for even just a moment without memory of tragedy. Your soul bartered for peace, trading her poverty for penance, a futile attempt. You submerged yourself in the rising tide, unable to be rescued once more, deeper and deeper into depths of anxious swimming. Your mind betrayed your devotion to the veracious way of existence.

And I thought I loved you then.

Now you are but a life, a dream that has fully been lived.

The form became dust. The form entered light. Fully becoming both desire and defeat, you are the byproduct of a love that had grown weary. You are steel and flint struck together. You are the hope that has gathered warmth and allows unspoken emotion to fade. You cause beauty to emerge.

And I thought I loved you then.