11 minute read
CEREMONY
Carly and Joe Wallace married at Juniper, overlooking the Downtown skyline. (Derk’s Works Photography)
Word to the Wise
Ceremony readings run the gamut, from sweet to silly and modern to traditional.
BY BROOKE PRESTON
Whether you’re planning a religious or secular wedding ceremony, you’re likely to include at least one reading. Short excerpts can be pulled from texts spanning the Bible to Bob Dylan to add a poetic, poignant and personal note to the occasion.
Windi Noble, owner and wedding officiant at Run to an Elopement, has plenty of advice about underused passages she recommends, pieces that are becoming a little too familiar, and how to choose readings that feel just right for you as a couple.
Decision-Making “I always encourage my couples to include readings and meaningful rituals. I think one or two readings are enough for a ceremony; they can be read by a friend/family member or the officiant,” Noble says. “I often suggest they include verses from their favorite books, poems, song lyrics or quotes from their favorite movies or TV shows. The most important tip is to make sure it speaks to them and their relationship.”
The Tried-and-True 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, the biblical passage that begins, “Love is patient, love is kind ...” won’t win points for creativity. But Noble points out that while this verse is arguably overused, “The meaning is great advice for anyone, religious or not,” she says.
ABOVE, Jordan and Kara Aron share a laugh during their personalized vows (Style & Story); BELOW, a lighthearted moment during Allie and James McKenzie’s ceremony (Nicole Dixon Photographic).
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Noble adds that often-used poems include “The Art of Marriage” by Wilferd Peterson, “The Prophet, On Marriage” by Kahlil Gibran, and the folksy, fatherly wisdom of Robert Fulghum’s “Union.” However, classics hang around for a reason—their enduring wisdom may remain a perfect fit for couples looking for something timeless or traditional.
Modern Twists Noble recommends a well-known but not overused Bob Marley quote because it’s “a wonderful example of a real rawness of marriage. Plus, Bob Marley is epic.” It can be adapted with any pronoun and reads:
“She’s not perfect—you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together—but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”
Science lovers may feel a spark for this Albert Einstein quote that Noble describes as “an uncommon but awesome reading”:
“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon
Danielle and Alex Press laugh with their officiant at Jorgensen Farms Oak Grove. (AddVision)
as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”
Noble recommends using some or all of the following excerpt from “Gift From The Sea” by Anne Morrow Lindbergh because “it really speaks to the reality of a true partnership.” This is also ideal for couples seeking to include womenpenned works.
“When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity—in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern. The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands; one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits— islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.”
Lastly, Noble suggests “The Marriage” by Rumi because to her, it “embodies hope and wonderful relationship blessings.” The poem reads:
“May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk, this marriage, like wine and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter, our every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion, a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name, an omen as welcome as the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe how spirit mingles in this marriage.”
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Will You Marry Us?
The rise of the friend officiant
BY BROOKE PRESTON
People choose to become ordained for a variety of reasons. Jamie Auger had exactly two. First, his brother-in-law and lifelong friend Jared Ramey had asked him to. “It was extremely meaningful that he asked me; I have known Jared since he was 5,” says Auger, one of thousands of individuals who have become ordained online solely to officiate the wedding of a loved one.
The second reason Auger, an active Air Force airman, agreed to become ordained was because he knew he was able to show up in all the ways an officiant should on someone’s big day—and all the ways his own officiant didn’t.
“When my wife and I got married almost 21 years ago, back then you just found a minister who agreed to do it,” he explains. “We didn’t know him at all; we had spent maybe 45 minutes with him, total, before the ceremony.” Unfortunately, on Auger’s wedding day, the officiant showed up late, inebriated, and even forgot the bride’s name at the altar. “I wanted to make sure that unlike us, Jared and Lauren felt someone cared enough to put serious energy and effort into [their ceremony],” Auger says.
Online ordination is surprisingly easy. Anyone 18 or older is eligible for online ordination and subsequent wedding officiating in the state of Ohio (which only requires that the ordination come from a religious society or organization), even if they reside in another state. Though the Universal Life Church is perhaps the option with the best name recognition, many others exist online, including the sounds-bogus-but-is-legit Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. When in doubt, contact the bureau that handles marriage regulations in the county where the wedding will take place; in Franklin County, that’s the Probate Court (614-466-8770).
Becoming ordained on the internet also is affordable: the Universal Life Church (which Auger chose based on numerous favorable reviews) doesn’t charge for the ordination itself. However, he opted to purchase the site’s “wedding package” for a nominal fee. It included instructions, vow templates and other resources; he supplemented this with plenty of YouTube tutorials, related books and time spent with the couple to tailor the ceremony to their personalities and wishes.
Windi Noble, owner and wedding officiant at Run to an Elopement, also believes that officiants should strive to make ceremonies personal. “Because I am a nondenominational officiant, I’m not tied to rules
Jamie Augér, the groom’s brotherin-law, got ordained to conduct Jared and Lauren Ramey’s wedding. (Derk’s Works Photography)
of what should or should not be included in a ceremony,” she says. “I custom write each ceremony that I perform. I believe it is super important for the couple’s personalities, traditions and values to be present.”
Chase Waits, a professional officiant with Columbus Wedding Officiants, originally became ordained online to perform a friend’s ceremony. While he’s enthusiastic about friends-as-officiants overall, he recommends drawing up a basic contract and list of expectations to help ensure clear expectations and an intact friendship after the big day.
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ABOVE, Tyler and Justin Dehan’s officiant, a longtime mutual friend, infused their wedding with personal touches (Nicole Dixon Photographic); BELOW, Saacha Mohammed and Spencer Matthews’ best friend officiated their ceremony (Style & Story).
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“I would suggest that a couple only ask someone they are close with and have utmost trust in,” Waits says. “Because the friend won’t have the breadth of professional experience, make sure they are open to working together to develop the ceremony exactly as you want it.”
While the ordination process is easy, a crucial second piece is easily overlooked, as Auger realized almost too late. “In addition to my becoming an online minister, I didn’t realize that I also had to become licensed by the state,” he says.
By chance, a family member who had himself been a recent officiant happened to mention this requirement a few short days before Jared and Lauren’s wedding, just in time for Auger to drive to Columbus—the
YOU’RE MARRYING THEM … NOW WHAT?
It’s not just about the “I do!” The officiant has some vitally important duties beyond officiating the ceremony itself. Here’s a checklist:
PRE-CEREMONY: Research and complete ALL prerequisites
and licensing. Regulations can vary by state and even county, so be sure to complete each needed step.
Be accountable, and make it personal.
Establish clear expectations with the couple. Gather any special readings, details or stories to enhance the ceremony; research and rehearse contents and flow. And no surprises! This day is about them, so they should be fully aware of every joke or sentimental comment you intend to make.
AFTER THE CEREMONY: Sign and secure the license. You will sign the couple’s marriage license; ask them in advance to settle on ceremony type and denomination designations for those fields. Your official title will be “Minister;” include your own address, not that of your licensing organization. Keep the license secure after the ceremony and during the reception; if time permits, you may want to bring it back to your home or hotel room for safekeeping during the cocktail hour.
Mail the signed license. In Ohio, you must return the signed license to the Probate Court in person or by mail within 30 days of the ceremony. Don’t wait!
day before the wedding—to obtain his license (at a cost of $10) from the Ohio Secretary of State in order to legally perform the ceremony. “They told me it usually takes 72 hours to process, but they thankfully worked with me to rush it through. Within eight hours, it was done,” Auger says. “I was grateful to the state of Ohio!”
The big day itself went off without a hitch. “I was very fortunate; everybody gave rave reviews, they said I missed my calling,” Auger says with a laugh. But would he do it again? “I don’t know if it would mean as much to do it for somebody that I didn’t know.”
The newlyweds also were thrilled with the outcome. “He was on top of every detail,” says Jared Ramey. “Everyone cried during the ceremony. He did a great job adding some quotes in and telling the story of how we met ... he knew us better on a personal level than a minister would have. Coming from someone who actually knows us, it made a big difference.” Curated Experience for All
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