Direct Writing: Simplifying and clarifying John Couper, Ph.D. Communication Impact
Writing should be as direct as possible
Writing with extra words is like walking with extra weight, so make it Enjoyable: direct writing is more expressive “Transparent”: involve readers with ideas, experiences and meanings instead of the words Natural: we believe everyday speech, as if it is already in our heads Vivid: simple writing feels like it is happening now: it “shows, doesn’t tell”
When should you not simplify?
Specialized or technical information Quotes from an expert When there are no everyday meanings Occasional phrases to show that you have special knowledge about the topic
Examples
in the course of
in the vicinity of
Write close to, near, about, close by, in, nearby, around, round, close
Stated that
Write during, at, for, in, over, throughout, when, while, with
Write said
would be having
Write would have
Adverbs
Examples: “carefully”, “abruptly”, “regretfully”
Adverbs with strong verbs waste time:
Rarely needed; eliminate with stronger verbs, to create more dynamic images or scenes. “they played happily” could be “they romped” “She tugged sharply”, “he hesitated briefly”
Tips:
find any words that end with ‘ly’, replace with a stronger verb one and eliminate the adverb. Notice the adverbs in each story, and reduce them in future writing.
Clichés
Phrases that were once fresh, but are now overused and stale, such as “lying like a dog” and “eat like a pig”
These cheat readers: they are lazy and obvious They destroy the writing’s transparency
Tip: every time you write something you have heard before, decide what you want to say and invent a new way to say it
Passive Voice
“It recently came to my attention that my article was published” By whom?
Business communications often use this to eliminate the possibility of blame.
The passive voice breaks the link between an action and the person who did it
Ex: “All cars parked in the yard will be towed” is less confrontational than “The manager will tow your car if your park it here”
Use the active voice to involve your readers: they will know who is doing what and to whom….
unless you want to disconnect a situation, or when something important is acted on as one part of the situation.
Commas organize and separate
In English, commas are separators that keep the flow of ideas
Ex: Yesterday was his mother's birthday, so he took her out to dinner. They help readers by suggesting speech patterns
Use them to group or distinguish points, and after introductory clauses (“As I said, xxx”) However, commas slow down reading slightly and should be deleted when possible
Don’t Repeat
When similar information is repeated When two words overlap (usually in a phrase)
A partial repetition Examples: circle around, never before, young baby, raining outside, future plan, gather together
Tips:
Look at every phrase and find then delete any words that add the least Combine two words, or find a more-distinctive word that adds meaning
Repetition b)
When the same words are used too often,
Repetition can be powerful used deliberately and for effect, such as “I worried about money, worried about time, worried about love.”
it distracts the reader and shows you are lazy. contributes to “too much tell, not enough show”
And used for irony, in a direct quote, to underline meaning. Repeated structure is “parallel”, which often adds power
Tips:
listen for phrases you over-use, imagine better ones Either change or move repeated words/phrases (often the first use).
Speech tags and Attribution
Use carefully or remove quote tags
Ex: he explained / she retorted/he cried / she replied / they begged. Use other tags if “said” is repetitive.
Try leaving speech unattributed when the speaker’s identity is clear. Or use dialog + action to show who said what and why.
“Get down from there!” Mary grabbed Jean’s arm and dragged her down from the monkey bars works without attribution. Tips:
Use to increase clarity, and before or early in long quotes Change the location: in the middle adds emphasis
Weak verbs
Many weak phrases use variations of the verb “to be”, such as: there were, there are, it is, it was.
Other weak verbs are soft and mean little
They also add words that don’t work This often encourages adverbs or other modifiers Ex: “likes”, “is”, “get”: mean anything and nothing
Power positions are at the beginning and end of paragraphs and sentences - verbs that meet, greet, inform and direct readers.
Ex: “Minnie Howes dropped dead Sunday morning” has more impact than “It was Sunday morning when Minnie Howes dropped dead”
Avoid “-ing”
Most words that end in –ing (gerunds and participles) are verbs used as nouns
They appear to suggest action, but don’t But they are weak unless they suggest strong action
Replace most with nouns or action verbs
Common Wordiness
“There is …. that…”
“In order to…”
Just write “to”
“is xxing”
Just write what happened
Just write “xxed” or “xxes”
“Located in”
Just write “in” or “at”
Steps to Strengthen Language
Decide what each sentence or paragraph should say – if possible, imagine it vividly, like a movie Decide if each word really says what you want
Find and remove passive construction, clichés, repetition and redundancy Remove the word/phrase and ask if that is a problem Get rid of helping verbs when possible
Move words to power positions, and close to others they work with Read it aloud: pauses, skipping or stumbling often shows weakness or clumsiness
Examples of clarification 1. Writing allows us to further our knowledge of the world around us and become aware of our social surroundings. “Become aware of our social surroundings" just echoes "further our knowledge of the world around us."
Better: Writing develops our knowledge and awareness of our physical and social surroundings.
2. The primary work that Ms. Jones will undertake is the art of writing critiques on her students' writings “The primary work" is abstract, unneeded and awkward.
Better: Ms. Jones will mainly write critiques of her students' writing.
3. Students will often write required writings that fulfill a grade requirement towards graduation. The problem is repetition of "write/writings," "required/requirement," and "grade/graduation“ and two ideas are jumbled together
Better: For many students, writing is a graduation requirement.
4. Once hired, Stephanie was required to produce a syllabus which needed to include the learning objectives she intended for her students to accomplish. This chain of phrases is confusing; redundant information should be removed.
Better: Once hired, Stephanie had to write a syllabus that included learning objectives for the students.
After the initial shock, they all went on offering an abundance of examples and continued to assure me to capitalize on every opportunity to increase these essential [writing] skills.
This sentence starts with “shock”, then continues with examples and advice. It is better to clarify these different events. Also, “”offering” is weak and unclear.
Better: As I got over the initial shock, they offered abundant examples and encouraged me to take every opportunity to improve these essential writing skills. In my experience school writing is the most important skill one can have while trying to get an education and gain knowledge to use later on in the future with whatever life has in store. The sentence has “run-on” phrases, few of which say anything new. It has a pronoun shift: from "my experience" to "skill one can have."
Better: In my experience, writing is the most important skill both for getting an education and for whatever comes afterward.