TAKING THE BUS

Success does Not protect us from facing our own mental health challenges.

- Harry Tucker

From the outside looking in…you would see a successful, confident, educated, businessman and community advocate.

“A week ago, I was walking down the street in Calgary, and I decided to catch a bus.

No - not the usual way at the bus stop like most of you. I wanted to step in front of it.

But at least I had the wherewithal to pause to wonder how I could make it look like an accident.

I also had the wherewithal to wonder what the impact of this would have on the driver, scarring him for Life. I also took a moment to think about my family, my friends and colleagues.

After this "processing", which happened in seconds, I contemplated "catching" the bus anyway.

I stepped to the side of the street, paused and then waved to the driver as he drove by and he waved back. And then I reached out to the Calgary Mental Health Help Line, saving both myself and the driver from a more complicated ending that would have tied us together for the rest of his Life.

I realized at that moment that I didn't remember any of my day nor could I remember anything I was supposed to be working on. I had run to the end of my journey, a journey that was not a marathon or two but rather, thousands of 100-meter dashes and I was too tired to continue.

I never slowed down until the day.

I was running 100-meter dashes! So, I never took the time to slow down to listen to the argument going on inside my brain.

This was my modus operandi through my years of building companies, helping other people build companies and serving others.

As a man, I thought I was doing all the right things:

• Leading stoically.

• Pushing through adversity because that's what men do.

• Absorbing difficulty in silence because only weak men signal that they are in trouble.

• Solving my own problems since real men believe that if you want it done right, you do it yourself.

• Never checking in with myself because I didn't have time.

• Serving others before taking care of myself, forgetting that there is NEVER an end to the list of people who need help or who will use me for their own needs.

• Ignoring warning signs since they can always be addressed later.

• Defining Life success using my career and results as the gauge, in defiance of what I should have been learning from the copious texts that I was reading.

• Never asking for help because real men don't do that anyway.

In fact, I wasn't doing anything properly and not only did I suffer, but I also inadvertently created suffering in others around me. Some would be kind and say that's not the case. Some wouldn't be so kind. My only ask is to be gentle with me. Even we big, tough, successful (by someone's definition) guys who have it all together may not have it all together.

According to my great friend, Leonard (an amazing therapist and author - I mention one of his books further down), I had accumulated a lot of difficult thoughts (especially from work) without processing them. With the right trigger, my brain reacted as if a dam had burst (hence the term 'emotional flooding') and my brain was overloaded trying to process years of difficult things all at once, mentally and emotionally paralyzing me. Sure, I've got some physical health issues to deal with and I will deal with them but the mental health issues to me seem more insidious, being invisible as they are and often seemingly not dangerous until it's too late.

If you're a father, reach out to your kids and ask them how they are doing.

If you're a brother, call your siblings and ask them if they need help.

If your parents or grandparents are still with you, reach out to them more often to see if they need anything.

Sometimes your time is enough. Reach out to a friend to say hi.

They might be desperately waiting to hear from anyone. And while depression and other things can overrun men and women, I can only speak from the context of a man.

If you're a man and you haven't gotten over your manliness, your so-called strength, your sense of self that doesn't need help and all of that bullshit that we as men have been told defines us, I would beg you to pause and reflect. I know I have a lot of work to do and while I've told people for years to "put their mask on first", I forgot to put mine on at all. Those changes moving forward.

Find resources that help you.

Read great books like Leonard Szymczak's book Power Tools for Men: A Blueprint for Healthy Masculinity.

Join a men's support group. Find someone to talk to. Someone who will listen without judging.

Call me if you have to. Call anyone. on this journey together

Otherwise, you might be catching a bus, and you will be denying the world of the great man that you are and the great value that you bring to the world. And if you are already on the journey to healing, please reach out to those who might be struggling.

“We are ALL on this journey TOGETHER!” -

Harry Tucker

We Don’t Have to Do This Alone:

Furkhan Dandia

As men, it is easy to feel isolated, and the vulnerability it takes to ask for help can create a feeling of shame. The shame spiral can be debilitating and hold us back. Finding a sense of connection and being a part of a community can support us in our growth.

Therefore, my approach is often two-fold:

Group work: The power of group sessions cannot be overstated. In a group, we can connect with others and find a shared purpose. We often realize that we are not alone in our struggles and that everyone is figuring things out at their own pace and time. In a group, we can also draw on the experiences of others or seek feedback. I like to refer to the power of 1 in the groups I facilitate: It takes one person to demonstrate vulnerability, and that level of courage can be contagious to everyone attending.

Individual Counselling: Outside the group setting, 1:1 counselling allows individuals to tackle specific issues and discuss many things without feeling like they spend too much time talking about themselves in the group. My approach in the individual sessions is collaborative. We work together to identify goals that the individual can focus on and how they can start building tools and skills that will allow them to work towards the individual they want to become. Collectively, we also identify some blockers that are holding the individual back from the life they want to live. We all get stuck in the shame spiral, and it is crucial to identify where that shame comes from. My approach is to guide every client to evolve and grow through what they have gone through in life.

www.eunoiazen.com