Dating in a Pandemic: It’s a Wrap?

BY RYAN O’CONNOR, GUEST COLUMNIST

I was at the supermarket the other day and noticed the PIN pad was covered in plastic wrap. Hmmm … I thought to myself. How in the world does covering a PIN pad with plastic prevent the spread of coronavirus? I mean sure, I guess it protects the actual PIN pad from COVID-19 but I don’t think it will help any of us using a debit card to pay for our groceries.

Then I wondered if wrapping prospective dates in plastic would make dating during this pandemic any easier? The idea certainly takes safer sex to the next level.

Since most social gathering spots are closed for the foreseeable future, I decided to check out my old standbys — online dating services. I quickly changed my profile name to “Bubble Guy 90210” and insisted that all prospects must agree to full on body wrap if we decided to meet.

To my surprise, there is such a thing as the “plastic wrap” scene. Guys actually enjoy being wrapped up in plastic or wrapping others. My profile had more activity in the two days following my update than I’ve had all year!

I decided to reply to each and every guy that had responded to my plastic profile. I explained that I was doing research for this article and that I hadn’t expected any replies. To that, most of the guys still wanted to meet — as long as I was up for some plastic wrap fun. As tempting as that offer was, I decided that I’d rather wait and meet in-person when the pandemic is over.

One eager fellow followed up to let me know that he only practices safe sex — he never wrapped the nose or mouth out of safety concerns. That made me feel better but I think I will stick to plastic on the PIN pad.

By the way, please don’t wrap yourself up in plastic. I think following CDC guidelines and wearing a mask in public is a much better idea.

RYAN O’CONNER is just a regular guy who is dating in this great big world. His advice comes from personal experience and his advice is for entertainment purposes only. We recommend you consult a physician, counselor or therapist in your area for specific advice about your personal situation. Otherwise, questions can be submitted to bedroom@competesportsdiversity.com