Chris Johnson

Autumn is a beautiful time to change gears and slow down. Although the holidays approach and that tends to be a busy period for many people, the fall allows us breathing room between our glorious “lake life” summers in the Midwest and that when we hunker down and brave the winter. Taking time out of our schedules, not just at this time of the year, but always, is essential to staying focused and productive. “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” as the saying goes, and this season you’re invited to honor what your mind and body need in order to thrive.

Yoga: This may seem a bit redundant, as yoga is mentioned worldwide when it comes to health and fitness. But, there is a reason and also it speaks volumes that, as opposed to “trendy fitness,” yoga has been practiced for thousands of years. Its roots in ancient India have led to a global movement of strength, healing, and mindfulness and although I am a lifelong fitness gal, yoga is deeper than doing my weights and cardio in a gym. You can start at home if you are more comfortable getting your asana on solo; there are countless YouTube videos and tutorials, or you can begin reading magazines and books to learn about the practice. Even 15 minutes per day can help center your mind and prepare your body for movement, adding strength gradually that can enhance balance and mobility. I honestly don’t know how I lived without it, as now yoga is the cornerstone of my daily routine of care that keeps me centered. Ready to find a studio near you? Just do a simple search for beginner yoga series and you’ll find many F-M area studios and gyms, even private teachers, who can help you get started.

Sleep: I used to balk at the 8 hours a night idea. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” young me liked to say. Times have changed. Now in my fifties, I finally understand the benefits of getting my zzz’s and also subscribe to naps! Yes, naps. Just a 20 minute “cat nap” a day rejuvenates me and I am able to be more productive as a result. Pushing through the day when tired isn’t healthy; we all have to do it sometimes, but overall, entering each morning rested and ready to tackle our work and activities is so much easier! Give yourself a break and curl up, get cozy, and sleep, even if it’s just for a short bit to get revved up again. Routine is essential when it comes to being a good sleeper, so try your best to go to bed and wake up around the same time daily; it will make a difference in how your body responds to stress.

Bake And Cook: Now, I know not everyone loves kitchen time. But, fall is such a good time to make even simple recipes that honor the flavors of the season. We all know about pumpkin spice, but what about cinnamon, nutmeg, maple, bourbon, or butterscotch? Finding a good bread you can bake, even in mini loaves for gifting, or a good stew recipe that becomes a family favorite is a way to learn something new and change things up a bit in your food routine. Maybe it’s time to learn how to make a rich glaze before the holidays or get creative with those Pinterest recipes you’ve saved for years (and haven’t made). Time by yourself that is not pressured or interrupted, where you can create new foods can be soothing with the right playlist and a good recipe.

Paint: You may not “know how” to paint, but that’s okay! Hit your local dollar store for some simple, small canvases, brushes, and acrylic paints. Squeeze paint onto a paper plate and GO. Just paint. It doesn’t have to be of anything in particular, maybe it’s just colors. The idea isn’t to be the next Van Gogh, it’s to connect your brain to your brush, brush to canvas, which is slow and soothing. You can find yourself lost in it if you let go of expectations. When was the last time you allowed yourself to just play and create? Make your autumnal masterpiece and display it proudly, knowing you set aside artist time just for yourself, no agenda, no “have to” list. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how addictive it is to honor your need to play like that inner artist inside of you!

Gratitude Walk: Every morning, I take our German Shepherd, Reva, out for a walk very early, usually around 5 am. It’s such a beautiful time of day before most people in the neighborhood are awake; it’s serene. As we walk, I do what I call the Gratitude Walk and talk to God, out loud (softly, as to not wake the neighbors), about what I am thankful for. Some days gratitude comes out so easily, other days not so much and I feel I am choking out things to say despite feeling not-so-happy. We all have those days, but gratitude is what I have found to be the quickest way to turn from sullen to focused, happy. Whatever your belief system, you can find gratitude and say what you are appreciative of; when you do, you’ll watch the magic happen as your thoughts soften and you find yourself feeling calmer. It’s a fabulous way to settle into autumn and all of the abundance in your life. [ aw ] marriage, don’t let your past hold you and your family hostage any second longer by living in bondage. Christ died so that you can live in freedom from hurt caused to you or by you. Make amends today.

Amanda Davison is the Founder and Executive Director of the nonprofit, A Wife Like Me, a ministry equipping wives to experience healthier, happier marriages. She is the co-author of Dear Wife: 10 Minute Invitations to Practice Connection with Your Husband, a speaker, and founder of Awaken, a women’s event. She is the wife to a Minnesota farmer, mother of three, and lover of ice cream. Join the wives intentionally growing their faith and marriages through the A Wife Like Me Podcast, A Wife Like Me on YouTube, social media, or at awifelikeme.com.

Do you feel hurt by your SPOUSE’s words?

Do you communicate with a lack of care or concern? Do you often misunderstand one another or assume something that causes even more breakdown in communication?

If so, you’re not alone.

It took me a number of years of being married to realize that my communication toward my husband was destructive and was creating a pattern and cycle of destructive communication.

I’ve learned what often causes destructive communication and how to create constructive communication.

I had learned unhealthy communication styles from my childhood and from my personality that I had not realized were manipulative, negative, and sharp. Because this communication had served me well prior to marriage and even at the start of our marriage, I did not recognize the impact my communication was having on our relationship and therefore wasn’t addressing it. My husband was fearful of being honest with me because he knew he would pay for his honesty with my reaction (seriously hug him if you see him – babe, I’m so sorry).

If you’ve grown up in dysfunction, generational sin, undiagnosed mental illnesses or addictions, or if you have a spicy personality (you know who you are) – you’re in danger of destructive communication toward your spouse.

Continue reading to turn your ignorance into knowledge.

Sometimes it’s not this simple, and counseling is ideal. If that is you or your spouse, contact a local Christian Counselor today.

Familial hurts, abandonment, abuse, and common human disappointment can leave us with open wounds. These wounds, if hidden or buried, are typically directed toward your spouse. Unresolved pain can look like negative self-talk, jealousy, fear, defensiveness, passivity, manipulation, blaming, or doubt. Unresolved past pain causes your reality to be distorted. We can’t love people well and we can’t receive love well when we have unresolved wounds.

To heal unresolved wounds, be honest about its existence. Admit the pain, and bring it into the light.

Take responsibility for what your pain has done to yourself and to your marriage. Then ask for forgiveness, and forgive any person(s) where forgiveness is needed. Forgiveness is the most loving thing you can do. For the sake of your

Healthy couples listen and consider what the other thinks and feels. Unhealthy couples find themselves in a cycle of unresolved issues because nothing gets resolved. Defensiveness is a barrier to intimacy and is actually a predictor of divorce. A spouse might interrupt, misinterpret information, skew or exaggerate information, deflect information or blame the other spouse. Most couples recognize seasons of defensiveness and commonly relate these seasons to times when they are lacking intimacy and/or have low self-esteem.

To stop the cycle of defensiveness, one spouse must commit to refraining from defensiveness even if the other spouse stays defensive.

All it takes is one spouse refusing to be defensive by taking in a complaint, suggestion, or idea that their spouse has – accepting the information lovingly, and thanking them for it. This begins a new pattern and creates a new cycle of communication to start.

Ask God to reveal any areas of insecurity, and then ask God to soften your heart and guard your lips. Commit to speaking life to your spouse, and earn the right to bring something other than life to your spouse. Ask yourself, have I spoken enough praise to bring this to my spouse?

We want to phone the friend who will side with us and confirm how we feel. We want this so much that psychologists study it and have named it as The Confirmation Bias. It’s dangerous to your marriage and family. Biblical community looks different than possibly what your friends look like now – because biblical community groups hold each other accountable and won’t tell you what you want to hear. Instead, they will direct you toward Christ, possible repentance, and/or restoration.

If you aren’t already actively attending a local church – get your buns to one! Don’t let your spouse stop you from it. If you are already actively attending a local church but aren’t involved in a small group, call your church today and tell them you’d like to join one!

Friends, our marriages and families are our opportunities to let Jesus shine by how we love. I pray that you would desire to glorify God more than satisfying your flesh and tearing apart your spouse. There is too much at stake. [ aw ]