when you DON’T GET the fairy tale ending

It’s your wedding day. One would think the Fairy Godmother delivered it herself. Perfect weather; beautiful flowers; everything went off without a hitch. You vow to be with your spouse until death do you part. Yet, years later you’re in an attorney’s office contemplating divorce, kicking yourself for not being more prepared for this. Pulling from decades of family law experience, here are our

TOP-FIVE TIPS TO BE PREPARED FOR A DIVORCE

BE INFORMED.

Clients lacking knowledge about family finances is one of our top observations when meeting with people who initiate or want to discuss the ramifications of getting divorced. When you are asked to sign tax returns, financial statements, loan documents or any other financial document, read through and understand them. If your spouse is self-employed, ask questions to get to know the business. Know passwords to online accounts and review accounts frequently. Educate yourself about monthly expenses and finances. Read your mail. Whether you are employed or not, open a retirement account in your name and invest regularly. Obtain your own credit history. Establish financial independence so you are comfortable if you need to handle your own finances.

BEWARE of SOCIAL MEDIA.

We all enjoy sharing fun times and frustrations via Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Yet, every word you post, every picture from a night out, and every reference to your children will be scrutinized and can become juicy trial exhibits. Our advice: scrub scintillating photos and commentary from your posting history and limit the content you share with your “friends.” Your divorce is not the time for your life to go viral. There is such a thing as “oversharing.”

DON’T PUT IT in WRITING.

While your spouse can drive you crazy and incite you to lash out, don’t text or email your spouse anything you will regret becoming “Exhibit A” at trial. Text messages are one of the most commonly used trial exhibits, often used to embarrass the sender or make them look demeaning, demanding or like a raving lunatic. If you feel like rant- ing, call a friend or talk to your therapist. Know that people record phone calls too, and your words can be used against you in court. Install password protection on your electronic devices, such as phones, tablets or computers that you use to communicate with your attorney or anyone about legal strategy. And, of course, be sure to take screenshots or save any demeaning, haughty, accusatory or judgmental texts and emails you receive.

GET to KNOW YOUR CHILDREN.

This sounds simple, right? Yet many people do not know basic things about their kids. Know their birthdays; the names of their doctors and teachers; what activities they are involved in; if they have any special needs. Attend children’s appointments, teachers’ confer- ences, activities and events. Not only will this help your legal case, but you get the added bonus of having a better relationship with your kids. Involved parents often receive more parenting time with their kids when the divorce is final.

KEEP the KIDS’ BEST INTERESTS as YOUR

PRIMARY FOCUS. If you have children, your relationship doesn’t end when the divorce is finalized or when the youngest child turns 18. You will co-parent for the rest of your life. You may have weddings to attend and possibly grandchildren in common. As difficult as it may be at times, be decent to your spouse, their relatives and friends when the marriage dissolves. Don’t burn bridges since you will cross over them many times as you co-parent into the future. Importantly, avoid exposing your children to your marital conflict, as sharing too much information or bringing children into it can be emotionally damaging and can lead to higher rates of anxiety and depression in children. A healthy adjustment for children should be a primary focus for every couple contemplating divorce.

So go ahead and enjoy that perfect wedding day! Expect that your marriage will last forever. But take these proactive steps to prepare for the best outcome just in case the fairytale doesn’t end as expected. Hopefully, you’ll find you gain knowledge, independence and strength for the sequel: your own “happily ever after.”