growinggratitude growinggratitude

IN OUR KIDS’ HEARTS [and our own!]

ecently as my daughter and I were driving down 13th Avenue toward the mall, she, deep in thought in the back seat, said “You know Mom, I just realized something. You buy all the stuff for our family, but hardly any of it is for you. I feel kind of bad about that. Thanks for buying everything for us.”

As you can imagine, my eyes filled with happy tears and I nearly melted at the steering wheel. A heart of gratitude is a beautiful and sometimes rare thing — which is why we mamas get all teary-eyed when we catch glimpses of it in our kids. Gratitude doesn’t usually just happen upon us; gratitude is hard work. We must train towards it, and as parents, we must also train our kids toward it.

Conveniently, the holiday season provides ample opportunity for this kind of training. The season that is supposed to be set aside for giving thanks has become the season in which our desires for more stuff tend to get the best of us. Every time we open our mailboxes we get another catalog (or 17) showing us all of the stuff we just have to have. Our kids are trained culturally to start making their technology-laden Christmas wish-lists as soon as they take off their Halloween costumes, and we adults give ourselves anxiety attacks in our attempts to give gifts that are equal to or greater than the gifts we’ll receive. It’s exhausting. But it’s also prime time for some good old fashioned heart training.

So how do we train our kids towards gratitude?

1First of all, we must model it. If my kids can see my husband and I giving thanks for the things we have rather than pining after the things we don’t have, gratefulness will have a better chance of being nurtured in their hearts. This is hard, because there are so many things that I think I want. But in reality, none of those things actually matter, and I must remind myself of that daily (or hourly). The more my kids see my eyes focused on what actually matters, the more their eyes will be able to focus on what matters.

2

Count your blessings. It sounds so cheesy but it actually works. Occasionally over the years my husband and I have sat down with a pen and paper and listed tangible ways in which God had provided for our needs. Counting our blessings opens our hearts and eyes to the abundance around us. When our children complain about that extremely necessary toy or techy device that “all the other kids have,” it helps to hand them a piece of paper and a pen and tell them to start making a list … not of wants but of blessings.

3

Let them earn and spend money. A few years ago we started giving our kids a small weekly allowance as payment for Saturday morning chores. The vast majority of this allowance money has been spent on Legos. Because it takes many weeks of Saturday chores to save up for a new Lego set, our kids value their purchases more; they have to work hard to get them. Hard work spurs on gratefulness.

4

Pray before meals. I’m sure you’ve had those times when a child is standing in the pantry or in front of the open fridge, staring at all the food while exclaiming, “Mo-oomm! We don’t have any food!” So frustrating. Even though a supper-time prayer might sometimes feel rote, the pattern of giving thanks for our food is integral in helping our children see beyond themselves to the reality that each meal really is a gift. Their grateful hearts will grow as they are trained to see these basic gifts all around them. 5

Give them opportunities to give. Our hearts were designed to give, and perhaps nothing grows gratitude as much as the act of giving; as Jesus said, “It’s more blessed to give than receive” (Acts 20:35). Giving gifts to children in poverty across the world through Operation Christmas Child is one of our kid’s most loved Christmas traditions. There are also numerous and wonderful local opportunities to give gifts to those in need right here. Children instinctively love to give gifts, and when we create opportunities for them to give to those who are less fortunate and engage them in that process, we train them for a lifetime of giving.

Certainly, gratitude is hard work. And much of the time, as we strive to grow gratitude in our kids (and ourselves) it might feel like two steps forward and one step back. But then, one day, as you’re driving down the road to yet another errand, someone might say something from the backseat that causes your eyes to leak and your heart to overflow. So press on, dear sister, and give thanks.