A YOUNG MOTHER'S DECISION A courage-filled journey through adoption

WORDS : KELSEA CHAPIN PHOTOGRAPHY : provided by KELSEA CHAPIN

So how many kids do you have?”

In July of 2016, I found out that despite taking preventative measures after a one-night fling, I was pregnant. I went to a clinic in downtown Fargo where they perform free ultrasounds for women to confirm what I already began suspecting, and that’s when the idea of adoption was presented to me. I was given a few sheets of paper that explained some different options (parenting, adoption and abortion), and a section where I could list the pros and cons of each, then rank the options from most appealing to least appealing. As much as I thought about abortion and how it would be easiest for me to go on with my life as though nothing had happened, I just knew that I couldn’t bring myself to make that choice. Which meant that my options were parenting or adoption.

At the time that I found out about my pregnancy, I had just enrolled in classes at NDSU to finish my bachelor’s degree and was working at a job that paid just enough to cover my rent and bills each month. I felt that my life was too unstable at the time to bring a child into it, especially if I was going to be a single parent, so I started leaning toward adoption. When I told my family about my pregnancy and my decision to place my child, I could just feel it tearing their heart in half. My mom had expressed many times to me that she was ready to be a grandma, so I felt like I was just dangling that in front of her and then throwing it away. Despite this, my mom began looking into adoption agencies in Fargo, and that was when we decided on Christian Adoption Services (CAS).

CAS made my experience with them so easy. They walked me through each step and made sure that I wasn’t being pressured into anything and that I felt comfortable along the way. My case manager had me look through books that prospective families made about themselves in order to find a family for my daughter. I knew the second that we opened up one family’s book and I saw the picture of their previously adopted son, that I had found my daughter’s family. And if that was not confirmation enough, the day that the family and I were supposed to have our match meeting, I went into labor and my daughter was born.

Fast forward to now: Thanks to our open adoption, I still get to keep in touch and have visits with my daughter, for which I am incredibly grateful. I now have a son, who keeps me busy and on my toes. He has also made me realize all of the little things that I did not get to experience with my daughter, such as her first ice cream or the first time she went sledding. There are definitely days where the guilt sets in and I wonder what things would have been like if I had chosen to parent her, or where I miss her so much that I just sit and look through pictures of her, but I always know that we will get to see her again soon.

If you had asked me 10 years ago where I saw my life going, I am 100% certain that I would not have guessed this. But now that I am here, I really can’t imagine my life being any other way.