DAILY LOBO new mexico
The reign of Schmidlius: a satire see page 3
November 24, 2009
tuesday The Independent Voice of UNM since 1895
This year’s ‘creeper’ suspect will go free by Pat Lohmann Daily Lobo
The case of the “Coronado Creeper” is closed. UNMPD had a suspect in the alleged breaking and entering and criminal sexual contact of three women in Coronado Hall that occurred Oct. 27. However, none of the three women could identify the perpetrator, said UNMPD spokesman Robert Haarhues. “That case has been inactivated. We
don’t have any more suspects or any more information,” he said. “We talked to the suspect. He’s not admitting anything.” None of the three victims were available for comment Monday. An incident similar to this semester’s Coronado creeper case occurred five years ago, but the suspect in that case was convicted. On Oct. 30, 2004, a resident of the Laguna/DeVargas dorms — wearing only tennis shoes — broke into at least three rooms occupied by
women, according to the UNMPD police report. Lucy Buecking, one of the victims, said she was awakened by a man in the early hours of Oct. 30. “It was like one of those dreams, that, like, if your clock radio goes off and the song will play in your dream,” she said. “I felt a draft in my dream and I rolled over and there was a dude in just his tennis shoes who was lifting up my bed covers, and I screamed bloody murder.” The three victims later identified
the man. Haarhues said the man was eventually charged with nine counts of criminal trespass. He was subsequently expelled from UNM and sentenced to nine months in prison. Buecking said Dean of Students Randy Boeglin mishandled the incident. “Randy Boeglin … insisted on being a part of all of it and just in charge of the taking care of the entire thing,” she said. “Nobody showed up on the prosecuting side.
Birds in the Bosque
To report a suspicious character, call UNMPD at 277-2241.
Then, my mom called Randy Boeglin and Randy said there was nothing that could be done about it.” Buecking said her mother then called UNMPD Chief Kathy
see Creeper page 2
GPSA to hold vote on Krebs question by Tricia Remark Daily Lobo
Emma Difani / Daily Lobo A gaggle of geese join thousands of other birds descending on a pond in the Bosque del Apache National Wildlife Refuge near Socorro on Saturday. The “Festival of the Cranes” happens every year at the refuge when thousands of birds make a migratory pit stop in New Mexico.
UNM’s second annual Skip-A-Meal a success
Students give up meals to feed New Mexico’s hungry by Kallie Red-Horse Daily Lobo
Hundreds of on-campus students skipped dinner at the dining hall last Tuesday to help New Mexico’s less fortunate. The second annual Skip-A-Meal event asked students to opt out of eating at La Posada. The monetary value of the skipped meals goes to local food and clothing banks like the Storehouse and the Bethel Community Storehouse. Marina Weisert, UNM’s
Inside the
Daily Lobo volume 114
issue 65
campus relations chairwoman, said a record 1,581 residents skipped meals — more than half of the on-campus population. The total donation came to $5,000. She said data from last year’s event was not readily available. “It is very heartwarming because we know we informed students and let them make a difference,” Weisert said. “We tried to make it as accessible as possible so many students can actually participate in it and it worked. The Lobo Card office reported deleting 1,581 meals.” Resident Advisor Janea Dickson said programs like Skip-A-Meal help UNM become part of the greater community. “Hunger is a big issue in New
Mexico, and this was a great way for me to give back to Albuquerque because I’m not from here,” she said. “It makes me feel good that there are needy families getting fed out there because of my University.” Skip-A-Meal originated in Canada, and UNM is the first American university to implement the program, Weisert said. “We are hoping to increase participation nationally,” she said. “I recently presented the program at the regional conference for residence hall associations and seven different schools in audience were interested.” Last year, students who opted out of a dinner through the program received a replacement meal paid for by Residence Life. This year, no such
meal was offered. “We want to make the issue a reality to students,” Weisert said. “People should just give willingly with nothing in return. The reward is knowing that you had this huge hand in contributing to hungry families.” Student Leah Remkes said she supported not having a replacement meal, and she went home to eat with her family on the night of the donated meal. “We are donating a meal to help people, so we don’t need another one ourselves,” she said. “They shouldn’t be using money to feed us. We volunteered and they should use that money to help the people in need get a meal.”
The linguist
Farmer— songwriter
See page 2
See page 5
Graduate students will have a chance to voice their opinions about UNM athletics and two University administrators in a GPSA vote. After two hours of deliberation during its meeting on Monday, the Graduate and Professional Students Association decided to hold an online election to give graduate students a chance to vote no-confidence in Athletics Director Paul Krebs and Vice President of Human Resources Helen Gonzales. Students can also voice their opinion about the amount of student fees allocated to the Athletics Department. More than 30 graduate and professional students attended the GPSA meeting in the SUB to discuss holding such an election. The resolution passed with 15 council members in favor, five opposed and three abstentions. GPSA Council Chair Danny Hernandez said several members of GPSA deliberately stalled proceedings. As a result, Hernandez said important details of the meeting didn’t get worked out. When and how the election will be held still has to be decided. “The people who don’t want the GPSA members to vote on this election were able to stall the meeting,” he said. “By the end of it, all we were able to vote for was whether or not we could have a special election.” Hernandez said GPSA will have to wait until the next GPSA meeting on Dec. 5 to work out the details of the election. Hernandez said he and GPSA President Lissa Knudsen consulted many graduate and professional students about having an election regarding Krebs, Gonzales and athletics.
see GPSA page 2
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PAGETWO TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2009
NEW MEXICO DAILY LOBO
Daily Lobo Spotlight
Homero Montoya /Senior/Foreign Languages Daily Lobo: So, what languages do you know so far? Homero Montoya: Right now, I’m working on French, English, Chinese and Spanish. I don’t know if I’m going to major in all of them, but I will in Chinese and French for sure. In spring 2011 I’m going to live in China for a year and then France after that. DL: What would you say your favorite language is? HM: It’s hard to say because I like how different Chinese is, but I really like French, too. I guess Chinese. I really like it. DL: Do you know any foreign curse words? HM: I know quite a bit in Chinese. They are really funny. I know maybe three or four in French, and I know most of the Spanish ones. DL: What language did you start off with? HM: My first language is Spanish. I was born in Chihuahua, Mexico, and I lived in southern Mexico until I was 7 years old before we moved to America. DL: It must have been a shock as a little boy to go from Mexico to America. What was the biggest change for you? HM: I would have to say the culture. It’s definitely really different. People are more isolated
Creeper
here. In Mexico, people are much more connected to their community. The main thing was that I didn’t know English and they put me in a straight English school and I didn’t know any of it at first. DL: How long did it take you to pick it up? HM: Not that long. Within two years I was able to read and write, and, by third grade, I was at the highest reading level in my class. DL: That’s amazing. It seems like you have a knack for picking up languages. HM: Yeah, language just comes really easy to me. DL: I’ve heard Chinese is very difficult to learn. Can you tell me more about it? HM: In Chinese there are four different tones, and conversation is highly based off of those tones. There is one tone that goes straight down, one that goes up, one that goes down and back up, and then a flat tone — and each one means something different. For example “ma� can mean “old,� “mother,� “horse,� or it can make a question. If you don’t use the correct tone it can get very confusing. DL: What language do you dream in?
HM: I dream in Spanish, English, and my mom says I’ve actually done signed language in my sleep. DL: You know signed language, too? HM: I wouldn’t say that I know it yet. I mean, I know some but I’m not very good at it yet. DL: With the holiday season coming up, does your family do
more Mexican holidays, American holidays or a blend? HM: We celebrate mostly Mexican holidays just because we came directly from there, but there is a mix. DL: Do you visit Mexico very often? HM: Not as much as I would like. DL: Where do you plan to live
when you get your degree? HM: I have no idea. I was thinking maybe Ottawa, Canada, but it depends where I like. So we’ll see. If I like China after living there I might live there or maybe somewhere in Europe. I like to travel a lot, and I don’t want to be stuck in one place. ~Kallie Red-Horse
from PAGE 1
Guimond, who set the legal proceedings in motion. Boeglin said he remembers the five-year-old case, and, while privacy laws prevented him from outlining specific punishments, he said the man’s actions had consequences. “The student who was the alleged perpetrator had a very consequential disciplinary procedure levied against him,� Boeglin said. “My last conversation with this woman
(Buecking) was her thanking me for my assistance.� Boeglin said he has no influence in citywide legal proceedings. “I have nothing to do with a legal case that goes downtown,� he said. “The police don’t send us generally what they are going to do. There are two responses that happen when a case like this happens. One is internal. One is external. I’m not involved in the second process.�
After the incident five years ago, Boeglin said Residence Life and Student Housing took steps to prevent similar crimes. He said RLSH offered safety classes to residents and reviewed internal security measures, but the organization didn’t make any policy changes regarding dorm security. Buecking said only one safety class was offered, and more could have been done to inform
graduate students to decide if they wanted to participate in a special election. He said GPSA members were trying to rush the issue and didn’t give graduate or professional students enough time to think about it. “Anyone who has been through a few of our council meetings know
that that’s usually how we proceed,� he said. “It takes us a long time to debate the issues and that’s kind of the whole reason I wanted us to have a four-hour council session to discuss the issues. That way we could do it completely and thoroughly instead of in a rushed manner.�
residents about how to remain safe on campus. “There was a special prevention/ self defense meeting in the basement of Laguna Two. I lived in Laguna Three,� she said. “And there was just one meeting. I don’t recall any other meetings for any subsequent semesters or years that I lived in the dorms.� Boeglin said the prevention classes are only offered per request,
and no such requests were made after this year’s incident in Coronado. Since she graduated, Buecking said she has not kept in contact with the other victims from the 2004 crime, but she does still visit campus. “I still get really startled when I wake up, and I couldn’t sleep for about two weeks,� she said. “But that’s really it. I still feel relatively secure here.�
GPSA from PAGE 1 “The resolutions that were on the agenda were influenced by many graduate students, calling and e-mailing Lissa and I,� he said. “These items were consistently brought up.� Sid Solano, elections chairman of GPSA, said he didn’t have enough time to talk to other
DAILY LOBO new mexico
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issue 65
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Buy 10 all-you-can-eat sushi dinners and get one free! ow nn y o i t oca dem w L n Aca g e N no min ope Wyo & In this photo illustration, “Schmidlius” is portrayed in a Greek statue.
photo illustration by Vanessa Sanchez / Daily Lobo
A long-lost tale of corruption, cronyism and a wicked king by Monica Cyrino Guest contributor
Disclaimer: Monica Cyrino submitted this satire to the Daily Lobo. She is not a staff member. Opinions expressed solely reflect the views of the author and do not reflect the opinions of Lobo employees. I have taught Greek Mythology at UNM for 20 years. Recently in my research, I uncovered a long-lost tale that may be of interest to your readers. Thank you for allowing me to share it with you. -Professor Monica S. Cyrino High atop the sacred snow-covered mountain of FantaSe sat Richardsonius, God of Evil, glowering in bitter disgust. Beneath him spread the beautiful desert land of NeaMexiopolis, filled with shiny happy people. Richardsonius was enraged that the people of NeaMexiopolis did not support him in his failed quest
to be elected Lord of Everything, so he decided to curse them. He created a government unsurpassed in corruption, incompetence and cronyism. To punish the University of NeaMexiopolis, he even appointed a Board of Rejects, hideous dim-witted monsters that had been expelled from the womb of Mother Earth and made to dwell in law firms and car dealerships. “Go forth, Board of Rejects,” howled Richardsonius. “Do the greatest harm you can to the people of NeaMexiopolis!” The Board of Rejects, corrupt, incompetent cronies all, obeyed their heinous master. They searched far and wide until they found the evil old king Schmidlius, who had made barren and gloomy the once-lovely land of Ochlohomia. And lo! A cry of pure joy went up throughout Ochlohomia when the mean old Schmidlius left: The grass grew and the sun shone after years of desolate darkness. The Board of Rejects made
see
Satire page 6
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LETTER Lambert’s excuse for behavior makes her unworthy of pardon Editor, I am a graduate of BYU and saw a clip of Elizabeth Lambert’s exuberance on YouTube.com. It was a bad situation, but while seeking some way to express my opinion for forgiveness, I came across Miss Lambert’s excuse for such behavior as immodesty on the part of BYU players in order to gain some kind of edge. I don’t believe that and now change my desire to forgive such poor sportsmanship. Bob Graham BYU alumnus
FROM THE WEB In Monday’s Daily Lobo column “Tides finally turn after season-long losing streak,” sports editor Isaac Avilucea wrote that the Lobos’ win on Saturday shouldn’t get Mike Locksley off the hook, but the head coach does deserve credit for fending off the Spanish Armada of media onslaught for problems on and off the field. Readers at DailyLobo.com responded: by ‘Lobo Joe’ Posted Monday “Does this victory mean we should abandon efforts to discharge Locksley and Krebs from the University?” by ‘UNM Employee’ Posted Monday “As far as I’m concerned, the players and the assistant coaches deserve this win. Mike Locksley is still the bottom of the barrel and needs to be fired and sent back to where he came from. He doesn’t deserve credit for this win and really doesn’t deserve to be around young men. He is a disgrace.” by ‘Capt’nCrane’ Posted Monday “Of course this means we shouldn’t fire Locksley. Recruits are going to want to play at a school with an undeniably narcissistic, misogynic and violent 1-11 coach far more than an 0-12 program with an undeniably narcissistic, misogynic and violent coach.” by ‘Lifetime Fan’ Posted Monday “Gee, don’t you haters wish the Lobos could have lost all their games this season? Wouldn’t that be so rich? How about something positive from you for a change? This is a group of young men who are trying their hearts out for UNM and themselves as well. The seniors really deserved this win. I’m proud that they had the spirit to hang in there and keep fighting instead of quitting. It shows heart and spirit. Go Lobos, and make these idiots eat their words next season.” by ‘UNM Alumnus’ Posted Monday “Although the win was good for the team, 1-11 is hardly anything to shout about. What we should be shouting is, fire Lose-ley, and maybe we will be able to get some new recruits next year.” by ‘Sue’ Posted Monday “One win or 12 wins will not excuse the violent behavior of coach Locksley. The lies and cover-up that followed — this was displayed for the world to see. What will be remembered is the corruption that permeates the UNM administration. This will cost us in the future in more ways than one.” by ‘Another UNM Parent’ Posted Monday “Congratulations to the players for this win. I’m very happy for them. Now, let’s support the players by pressuring the Board of Regents to get rid of Locksley, Krebs and Schmidly.” Join the discussion at DailyLobo.com
LETTERS News editor was receptive to concerns about student
freshman hospitalized,” published Nov. 16. Since then I spoke with the news editor Pat Lohmann and understood some of the difficulties and choices that went into writing that follow-up; more so, I newly learned it was the second of two articles that reported on Plotkin’s death (the first being published online Nov. 13). While I still was stunned by the repressed tone of the second article and believe
there may have been a more affectionate, loving or demonstrative manner to write an additional differing report, I am very appreciative of how receptive and amicable Lohmann was to hear me and to discuss the matter with me. In that I gained perspective. Thank you.
Speaking specifically of last Thursday’s article on the Lady Lobo vs. Oklahoma State NIT semi-final game, I almost had to do a double take of what paper I was reading. There was no focus on the Lobos’ defensive efforts to hold OSU point guard Andrea Riley to 6-of-22 from the field, only an emphasis on Riley tiring out Lobo point guard Amy Beggin. Tomari was quick to criticize coach Flanagan’s “incorrect” 3-point shooting stats by stating, “Flanagan was mistaken about his team’s 3-point shooting abilities. … The Lobos finished hitting only six 3-pointers of the 27 attempted.” Only it was obvious in the press conference that Flanagan was talking about the second half of the game when he said the Lobos were 2-17 from 3-point range. And who could forget the cutline under Amanda Best’s picture claiming, “Amanda Best shoots a basket while Oklahoma State’s Heather Howard blocks
the ball.” If I remember correctly, Best had a number of aggressive drives with the majority ending in baskets, if not fouls. And after looking at the game’s stats, OSU’s Howard ended the night with zero blocks. Best ended the night tying her career scoring high of 15 points. But which statistic was highlighted? It’s just sad to me, a member of the Lady Lobo basketball team, seeing this type of press when UNM’s reputation is suffering enough. When your own school doesn’t even believe in your team, it’s easy to question who will. We work really hard to maintain a positive image for Lobo athletics only to get struck down by our school newspaper. Bad game or not, it’s okay to cut a little slack for your lovely Lady Lobos, Ryan.
Editor, I read with dismay Matthew Waters’ letter to the editor published in the Nov. 20 issue of the Daily Lobo. The letter concerned Senator Tom Udall’s support for the Troubled Asset Relief Program. The letter is well-written, but the facts are wrong. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, but everyone is not entitled to his or her own facts. The TARP bailout was passed on Oct. 3, 2008 during President Bush’s term, not “last spring.” Mr. Waters should recall that the imminent collapse of the international bank credit system led one presidential candidate to postpone his presidential campaign, and that the Republican
party was divided between following the lead of President Bush or doing nothing. Britain announced a bank recapitalization program soon after. On Oct. 13, every major European country joined it. On Oct. 14, the United States followed suit by using TARP funds to inject capital into banks, increase deposit insurance (for noninterest-bearing accounts) and guarantee new debt. I do not suggest that the unconditional loans administered during the last months of the Bush administration worked out well, but that is not Mr. Waters’ point. If Mr. Waters is really complaining about the stimulus package, he should be aware that there were no “screaming economists.” Many wanted more and many wanted less, but there was a widespread recognition that a stimulus was required and that deficits would increase. He may wish to review the Nov. 8, 2008 New York Times opinion piece by Harvard
economist Gregory Mankiw, economic adviser to President Bush and candidate Mitt Romney, in which Mankiw acknowledged that a stimulus would be necessary to support flagging demand. Many wanted it larger. The differences were over the speed, targeting and which mix would inspire consumer and market confidence in the short term and two years hence. Mr. Waters makes harsh and partisan charges. He appears to want solutions without cost, a stimulus without deficit spending, tax cuts without increasing deficits and immediate results for problems decades in the making. Clearly, Mr. Waters is unhappy about the measures under way, but offers no better or wiser course.
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LETTER SUBMISSION POLICY
Editor, Last week I submitted a letter to you about the lack of sensitivity in the article “Student with flu symptom dies, another
Lobo sportswriter should back UNM women’s basketball team Editor, Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the Daily Lobo’s Ryan Tomari a UNM student? Whatever happened to school spirit? What’s wrong with rooting for the home team through the best, but most importantly, through the worst? As if UNM’s athletic reputation isn’t already dangling by a thread, Tomari has managed to bring down Lobo sports even more. It seems unusual to me that the Daily Lobo’s voice has so little pride in its own sports teams. I think we’re allowed to be a little biased here, seeing as UNM is reporting on behalf of UNM, but maybe Tomari never really was rooting for the home team in the first place.
Author of asset relief letter unhappy but offers no fixes
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Crafts fair to support American Indians by Chris Quintana Daily Lobo
Shoppers eager for holiday bargains don’t have to wait for Black Friday. The UNM American Indian Business Leaders are hosting an American Indian arts and crafts fair to support American Indian groups on campus, said Daniel Begay, vice president of the student organization. The fair is in SUB Ballroom B today from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. “One of the things we want to do is reach out to the business community and reach out to the artists,” Begay said. About 30 artists will present their work at the fair, he said. Junior Allison Sarracino said the fair also celebrates National Native American Awareness month. “We have a great representation from a few pueblos such as Acoma and Santa Domingo,” she said. “We have Navajo and people from the pueblos (in the state) … who make jewelry, pottery, paintings and drawings. We may have one sculpture and then a lot of arts and crafts.”
by Hunter Riley
Sarracino said the group chose a traditional arts and crafts fair because of art’s importance to American Indians. “It’s a big signifier of American Indians around the country,” she said. “We wanted that something that would let the artists to make money as well as they can, by charging a small fee to let them join the event.” Eleanor Jones, who will sell her jewelry at the show, said this is a great venue to showcase original American Indian work. “You go to a different show, and then you always meet new people,” she said. “You have something in common with the other artists. It’s just a sense of community, and just being around the different artists — it’s just a true blessing.” Begay said the fair is about more than earning money: It aims to highlight American Indian culture in modern society. “We wanted to implement our business knowledge but at the same time provide opportunities to local Native American artists,” he said. “We’re just
Daily Lobo
Gregory Alan Isakov
Gregory Alan Isakov moved to the U.S. from South Africa when he was 7 years old. Isakov said his upbringing prepared him for his life as a musician because he moved around a lot as a kid. After producing two EPs and one full-length album, he’s released his latest album titled This Empty Northern Hemisphere. Isakov said he enjoys the touring life, but he also enjoys going home to Boulder, Colo. Isakov’s band consists of a violinist, a drummer and a cellist. The group is playing at the El Rey Theater on Saturday at 8 p.m.
Saturday, 8 p.m. El Rey Theater 620 Central Ave. S.W. Ages 21+ $15
Daily Lobo: Where did your musical interest start? Gregory Isakov: I have always had music in my life, growing up. I’ve always been writing songs, since I was a kid, but I never thought I would be doing it all the time. It was always a big part of my life. DL: I was reading your biography and you said that your most recent album talks about traveling a lot and leaving things behind and feeling like the world has been pulled out from underneath you. How is that incorporated into your music? GI: I wrote one of our first bigger records, which was called I See the Gambler, and I wrote most of those songs about the ocean and ocean references. So I always kind of liked records that had a similar quality to them. I think everyone gets into these artistic curiosities for a while and it feels like you’re writing about the same thing all the time. I don’t think every song is about the same thing. I just kind of have the same feeling about the time in my life when I wrote that record. The new one for sure was about traveling a lot and being on the road a lot. I was living on this farm outside of Boulder for about eight years, and then I left that place, and it was a big transition
time in my life. DL: It’s always interesting to watch artists grow in their style as they get older. How has that been represented in your work? GI: I think with this new one I wanted to try some stuff out that I hadn’t done before, and I wanted to use more electric because we spent a long time writing the string arrangement with the band. I feel like I usually go more with a sparse route when I arrange. But a lot of intention went into the arrangements and the production, too. DL: How many tours have you done? GI: I have been touring for a couple years pretty hard, and before that it was just kind of here and there. I went to school for horticulture, so I did that for a long time and then started touring in the winters and working with plants during the summer. So that was really nice actually. I still kind of have that going on a little bit, but it’s been a little busier this past year. I work on a vegetable farm and they have animals and a goat dairy, too. DL: Do you see relationships between the work you do with the farm and the work you do as a musician? GI: I bet you there is, but I don’t really know specifically what it would be. I think especially with writing, we’re just kind of walking around and experiencing our lives and then a song will kind of happen. I’m sure all of it gets in there. DL: Where do you get the inspiration for your songs?
see Artist page 6
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 / Page 5
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SUB Ballroom B Today 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. Free encouraging staff, faculty and administrators to come check it out, to come see what the local artists have to offer.” Jones said she was happy to support the learning, organizational, business and practical experience the event provides. “I just want to help any of the Native American students,” she said. “We need a lot of business leaders.” While the success of the event cannot be judged until the actual show, Begay said his experiences so far have been insightful. “Any kind of business knowledge is crucial, and it’ll be utilized in everyday life as students graduate,” he said. “All the members have been
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Submit your best— fiction, nonfiction and poetryshort short works and —to the 2010 edition of Conceptions excerpts up to 5000 words—to Southwest, UNM’s own fine arts and literature magazine
win prizes
Turn in your submissions in Marron Hall room 107 by Dec 11 to be eligible for prizes in the CSW Creative writing competition
contest deadline Dec. 11
For submission forms and guidelines, E-mail csw@unm.edu or come to Marron Hall 107 or visit unm.edu/~csw Send questions to csw@unm.edu
conceptions southwest UNM’s Fine Arts and Literature Magazine
Courtesy of Todd Roeth Gregory Alan Isakov moved to the U.S. from Africa when he was 7 years old, but he was writing music even before that. Isakov will perform with his band on Saturday at the El Rey Theater at 8 p.m.
Artist
from page 5
GI: Songs have kind of been a mystery to me, and that’s probably why I still love it. I don’t really know what they’re about when they happen. But I like that relationship that
I have with it because it keeps me really curious about it, and it keeps me in awe of the whole process and the whole craft. I feel it’s never really something that anyone can
master. It’s just always happening. It’s been really fun to just kind of watch it grow and have a scrapbook of your life with your songs.
even installed a double-wide commode in his office for his own personal use. Next, because he was old and petty and threatened by anyone younger and more vigorous than he, Schmidlius exiled all the noble ministers and hale deans, replacing them with weak, foolish sycophants, while doubling their number and tripling their salaries. So pathetic were these puny new minions, it is said they would weep for terror in Schmidlius’ presence. Then, after hugely increasing his own staff of weak, jabbering yes-men and yes-women, Evil King Schmidlius froze hiring throughout the University, so that no teachers, advisers or librarians could be employed. Although Schmidlius promised to raise graduation rates, it was nothing more than a cruel joke: Without classes, advising and books, how could the students finish their degrees? Graduation rates plummeted to the depths of Hades, matched only by the low morale of the people, who were outraged, humiliated and saddened to see the ravaging of their fair University. Evil King Schmidlius sat back on his double-wide commode and was pleased with the devastation he had wrought. “Now they see the authority here is mine alone,” he chortled. “Just like in Ochlohomia.” But Evil King Schmidlius was not finished with his brutal rampage. To the south lay the lush valley of Lobolandia, where the young heroes played on green fields all day, a place well known as “Kalligynaika,” or “Land of Pretty Young Receptionists.” As the new overseer of Lobolandia, Schmidlius appointed a Vice King named Krebon, a man whose enormous venality was matched only by his utter lack of knowledge, eloquence or leadership
ability. Clearly, Schmidlius wished to destroy Lobolandia by putting in charge a man so corrupt, so unqualified and so irresponsible that soon all the heroes would flee the green fields and Lobolandia would no longer be able to recruit any top heroes at all. Krebon brought only trouble to Lobolandia, as he set about ruining the most beloved and heroic brand name in all of NeaMexiopolis. For deep in the well-appointed coaching caves, there lived a fierce, bearded dragon called the Lockster, Scourge of Heroes. The Lockster had already forced the heroes to leave their jerseys sloppily untucked, and to take off their helmets at totally inappropriate times during their games: Such a striking lack of discipline caused the heroes to go winless for nearly an entire season. “Alas!” lamented the denizens of Lobolandia. “Even the Rockster never went 1 and 10!” Many a brave hero had tried to conquer the Lockster, but the dragon had supernatural fighting powers: He would flail his arms and a bloody punch would magically land, he would lightly grab a collar and his adversary would end up choked and bruised. “The Lockster cannot be tamed,” cried the young hero Geraldus, nursing his bleeding face. Indeed, it was said the Lockster feared only one kind of creature: a 40-something Latina. Oh, if only one could be found in the kingdom of NeaMexiopolis! But Evil King Schmidlius had another nefarious strategy. Soon the Season of Heroes would be over, and he planned to rid the land of both the ferocious Lockster and the hapless Krebon by burying them in millions of gold coins from the people’s near-empty treasury … [papyrus breaks off here]
Satire from page 3 Schmidlius the King of the University of NeaMexiopolis, though he was past his prime and completely lacking in leadership skills. Evil King Schmidlius immediately set about making his administration the most corrupt, incompetent and cronyist in the history of NeaMexiopolis. First, he raided the treasuries. A vain and greedy man, Schmidlius refurbished his palace in precious marble and silver and flat-screen TVs at a cost of millions to the people: It is said he
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NEW MEXICO DAILY LOBO
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FOR SALE T1-83 Calculator, Opened but brand new, changed major suddenly. 505-506-3675, kcavaret@unm. edu. POKEMON COLLECTION-1600 cards, handbooks, games, figures, tokens, puzzle, etc. My son’s entire collection! $100, 410-6410. BRADLEY’S BOOKSWEDNESDAY, FRIDAY.
MONDAY,
Child Care VISTA DEL NORTE Housing tract off Osuna, 2 twins ages 13 needed homework specialist/ helper, part time, evenings 4:30-7. Call Kim 345-2918.
COMPANIONS/ CAREGIVERS NEEDED to work with seniors in their homes. Assist with the activities of daily living. Rewarding work and good experience, particularly for students enrolled in human sciences (e.g., nursing, pre-med, etc.). Training provided. Student friendly schedules. Must have reliable transportation and be able to pass rigorous background check and drug screening. Send letter of interest and/ or resume to rightathome@lobo.net. Visit our website www.albuquerque.rightathome.net. DIRECT CARE STAFF needed to work with developmentally disabled clients. FT/ PT positions available, paid training. Fax resume to 821-1850 or e-mail to supportinghandsnm@msn.com.
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Phone: Pre-payment by Visa, Discover, • 30¢ per word per day for five or more Come to to Marron show Pre-payment by Visa or Master •• Come MarronHall, Hall,room room107, 131, show •• Phone: or American is required. consecutive days without changing or your IDID and receive FREE classifieds Card is required. CallExpress 277-5656. yourUNM UNM and receive a special rate MasterCard Call 277-5656 cancelling. inofYour Rooms for Rent, orRooms any For 10¢Space, per word in Personals, • Fax or E-mail: Pre-payment by Visa or • Fax or Email: Pre-payment by Visa, Discover, • 40¢ per word per day for four days or Sale Category. for Rent, or any For Sale category. Master Card is required. Fax ad text, MasterCard or American Express is required. less or non-consecutive days. dates and dates category to 277-7531, or Fax ad text, and catergory to 277-7530 CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING • Special effects are charged addtionally: e-mail classads@unm.edu. or email to to classifi eds@dailylobo.com DEADLINE logos, bold, italics, centering, blank lines, person:Pre-payment Pre-pay bybycash, •• In In person: cash, check, money larger font, etc. check, Visa, Discover, MasterCard or • 1 p. m. business day before publication. order, money order, Visa or MasterCard. American Come room 107 Come byExpress. room 131 in by Marron Hallinfrom CLASSIFIEDS ON THE WEB Marron Hall from 8:00am to 5:00pm. 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. UNM Student Publications www.dailylobo.com Mail:: Pre-pay money order, in-state check, Pre-paybyby money order, in-state •• Mail MSC03 2230 Visa, Discover, MasterCard or American check, Visa, MasterCard. Mail payment, 1 University of New Mexico • All rates include both print and online Express. Mail payment, ad text, dates and ad text, dates and category. Albuquerque, NM 87131 editions of the Daily Lobo. catergory.
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204 San Mateo Blvd. SE Albuquerque, NM, 87108 505.243.4449
Apartments UNM/ CNM STUDIOS and 1BDRMS. William H. Cornelius, Real Estate Consultant: 243-2229.
For Sale
Audio/Video Bikes/Cycles Computer Stuff Pets For Sale Furniture Garage Sales Photo Textbooks Vehicles for Sale
GARDEN LEVEL APARTMENT 450sf, 1BDRM, 1 block from UNM, no pets, $450/mo, Ashley 345-2000. WWW.UNMRENTALS.COM Awesome university apartments. Unique, hardwood floors, FPs, courtyards, fenced yards, houses, cottages, efficiencies, studios, 1 and 2 and 3BDRMs. Garages. Month to month option. 843-9642. Open 7 days/ week. NOVEMBER SPECIAL- STUDIOS, 1 block UNM, Free utilities, $435-$455/mo. 246-2038. www.kachina-properties.com.
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MOVE IN SPECIAL- large, clean 1BDRM $490/mo 1505 Girard NE. No pets. 573-7839. NEAR UNM. 3508 Ross #C, in triplex. 2 bed, 1 bath, 1 car garage. Carlisle south to west on Ross. $575/mo with deposit. Eric 350-2738.
Lost and Found LOST IPOD TOUCH @ C and J computer lab on 11/16. REWARD if found and returned. Pls call (505) 306-3311.
LARGE, CLEAN, QUIET remodeled 1BDRM, 2 blocks south of UNM. $575/mo and up, includes utilities. $250dd, no pets. 262-0433, 255-2685.
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MOVE IN SPECIAL- 2BDRM $675/mo +utilties. 1505 Girard NE. No pets. 5737839.
TUTORING - ALL AGES, most subjects. Experienced Ph.D. 265-7799.
***1BDRM 1BA BIG rooms, 2 blocks to UNM, lots of parking. 881-3540***
FULL SERVICE EDITING. Make your paper or dissertation the best it can be. Published writer, experienced editor. Barry Fields, PhD. barryfields05@gmail.com. 505-930-2432. BIRTHRIGHT CARES. FREE pregnancy tests, help. 262-2235. TAI CHI TUESDAYS 7-8PM harwoodartcenter.org. 792-4519. ABORTION AND COUNSELING services. Caring and confidential. FREE PREGNANCY TESTING. Curtis Boyd, MD, PC: 522 Lomas Blvd NE, 2427512.
Duplexes NEAR NOB HILL. Large 1BDRM; hardwood floors, updated bathroom, W/D. $575/mo. 271-9686.
Houses For Rent
MATHEMATICS, STATISTICS TUTOR. Billy Brown, PhD. welbert53@aol.com 401-8139 PAPER DUE? FORMER UNM instructor, Ph.D., English, published, can help. 254-9615. MasterCard/ VISA..
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SANDIA SHADOWS APARTMENTS Quiet residential neighborhood. Totally renovated 2 BR/1 or 2 BA apartments. Pool and courtyard, storage and covered off-street parking all included, plus 24-hour recorded video surveillance offers extra security. Limited time offer of 12th month free OR a 32” LCD HD TV for a one-year lease. Limited inventory—call NOW! UNM north, 1 block north of Indian School on Girard. From $750/mo. 505-265-5253
NEW 1600SF 2 or 3 BR washer/dryer. San Mateo& Constitution $995.001150.00 per month year lease. 505-2386824.
STATE FARM INSURANCE 3712 Central SE @ Nob Hill 232-2886 www.mikevolk.net
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* Donation fees vary by weight. New donors bring photo ID, proof of address and Social Security card.
2BDRM $800/MO. 897-6304. I-25 ANDCARLISLE 3BDRM near park. Awesome den, wood-burning fireplace, water and garbage included in rent. Quiet, private. Discount for non-smokers $1000/mo +bills +dd. 268-0662.
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NORTH CAMPUS BEAUTY at 1505 Richmond NEe. Fully remodeled 2BDRM, must see! $1095/mo 620-4648. UNFURNISHED HOME FOR lease UNM area 1619 Aliso Dr. NE. 2BDRM 1BA 1cg $895/mo. $575 security deposit, one year lease. 934-7585. 1BDRM CASA. NO smoking. $525/mo. 219 1/2 Columbia SE. Rose Hanson Realty. Call 293-5267. UNM NORTH CAMPUS 2BDRM at 1919A Girard NE. D/W, W/D, fierplace, carport, storage. $900/mo. 620-4648. UNM NORTH 3BDRM/ 1BA/ 1CG $1025/Mo +$1000Dep. 1517 Richmond NE. Contact GDR 505-883-7070, gdrleasing@yahoo.com. See pics@ www. GDRPM.com. BEAUTIFUL 3BDRM FURNISHED. Fast access UNM. Negotiable. $299-8543. 2BDRM 1BA LOTS of character, hardwood floors, kiva FP, fenced yard, laundry room, $875/mo 271-0115. 1BDRM CONDO $575/MO utilities included. Close to UNM 328-9124, 3280986.
Houses For Sale INTEREST RATES ARE LOW - Tax Credit’s have been extended. Great Time to buy a home! Call John - 697.2673
Rooms For Rent ROOMMATE WANTED TO share 3BDRM home near UNM. 1 block from UNM shuttle $400/mo including utilities and wireless internet. Call 850-2806. STUDENT ROOMMATE WANTED for student house in Spruce Park, 1 block from UNM $510/mo Utilities Included call Liz 264-2644. $425/MO WALK TO class 300sqft. Access to W/D, dishwasher, split utilities 1/4. Free internet and cable. Call (505)360-5927 FEMALE ROOMMATE WANTED to share 3BDRM, 2BA condo, in gated community. Fully furnished, except bedroom. $450/mo+ 1/3 Ults. Call or email for details 204-8646 or mva07@unm. edu.
For Sale UNM UNDERGRADUATE CAP and Gown for 5’10” to 6’. $20. 505-850-0047 or eross@unm.edu. HOLLYWOOD PHOTO’S AND Posters: Elvis, Marilyn, and James Dean. Wicker Hurricane Chair; 3 brass and glass end tables. Great buys! Call evenings after 7:30p 298-2295.
CAREGIVERS FOR TOP-quality afterschool child care program. Play sports, take field trips, make crafts, be goofy, have fun and be a good role model. Learn, play, and get paid for doing both! $9/hr plus paid holidays, paid planning time, paid preparation time, and great training with pay raises. Must be able to work Wednesdays 12PM – 5PM. Apply at 6501 Lomas Blvd NE, 9:30 – 2:30 M-F. Call 296-2880 or visit www.chil drens-choice.org Work-study encouraged to apply. PT/ FT HELP needed at Kid’s World (Coors/ I-40). Salary dependent on experience. 839-8200.
Jobs Off Campus !BARTENDER TRAINING! Bartending Academy, 3724 Eubank NE, www. newmexicobartending.com 292-4180.
CAPS Arabic Conversation Group Starts at: 12:00 PM Location: El Centro de la Raza Conference Room, Mesa Vista Hall September 8 and continuing through December 8.
$15 Base /Appt. Flex Schedule, Scholarships Possible! Customer Sales/ Service, No Exp. Nec., Cond. Apply. Call now, All ages 18+, ABQ 243-3081, NW/Rio Rancho: 891-0559. VETERINARY ASSISTANT/ RECEPTIONIST/ kennel help. Pre-veterinary student preferred. Ponderosa Animal Clinic: 881-8990/ 881-8551. CHRISTMAS BREAK JOBS. Not going home for the holidays? Earn some money and have fun from December 19 to January 3 at the C lazy U Guest Ranch in the Colorado Rockies. When work is finished spend five days with free room and board, while you ski or snowboard in Grand County. Visit our website: www.clazyu.com to download an application or call Phil Dwyer at 970887-3344.
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HEALTHY VOLUNTEERS AND subjects with and without asthma are needed for a new research study looking at the effects of fat and physical activity on the breathing tubes. If you qualify, compensation will be provided for your time and inconvenience upon study completion. If you are healthy or have asthma, over the age of 18, and are interested in finding out more about this study, please contact or leave a message for Teresa at (505)269-1074 or e-mail tarchibeque@salud.unm.edu. COLLEGE STUDENTS DRINKERS WANTED to evaluate a new software program. Participation is confidential and you will be reimbursed for your time in this federally funded study. More information is available at behav iortherapy.com/collegedrinkers.htm.
Turn in your submissions in Marron Hall room 107 by Dec 11 to be eligible for prizes in the CSW Creative writing competition
contest deadline Dec. 11
For submission forms and guidelines, E-mail csw@unm.edu or come to Marron Hall 107 or visit unm.edu/~csw Send questions to csw@unm.edu
conceptions southwest UNM’s Fine Arts and Literature Magazine
Events of the Day
Planning your day has never been easier!
Placing an event in the Lobo Life calendar: 1.) Go to www.dailylobo.com 2.) Click on “Events” link near the top of the page. Basketball: Northern Arizona Lumber- 3.) Click on “Submit an Event Listing” on jacks vs Lobos the right side of the page. Starts at: 7:00 PM 4.) Type in the event information and submit! Northern Arizona Lumberjacks play New CAPS Japanese Conversation Group Starts at: 10:30 AM Location: El Centro de la Raza Conference Room, Mesa Vista Hall September 15 and continuing through December 8.
Volunteers DO YOU HAVE Type 1 Diabetes? You may qualify to participate in an important research study. To qualify you must have type 1 diabetes for more than one year, be 18-70 years old, and be willing to participate in 8 clinic visits. You will be paid $50 for each clinic visit. If interested, please contact Elizabeth at 272-5454 or by email at evaldez@salud. unm.edu
Submit your best— fiction, nonfiction and poetryshort short works and —to the 2010 edition of Conceptions excerpts up to 5000 words—to Southwest, UNM’s own fine arts and literature magazine
LOBO LIFE
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!!!BARTENDING!!!: UP TO $300/day. No experience necessary, training provided. 1-800-965-6520ext.100.
Please limit your description to 25 words (although you may type in more, your description will be edited to 25 words. To have your event published in the Daily Lobo on the day of the event, submit at least 3 school days prior to the event .Events in the Daily Lobo will apear with the title, time, location and 25 word description! Although events will only publish in the Daily Lobo on the day of the event, events will be on the web once submitted and approved. Events may be edited, and may not publish on the Web or in the Daily Lobo at the discretion of the Daily Lobo.