The event issue 153 24 09 2003

THE Remember kids, it takes all sorts ...

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•••••••••••••••••••••• 24/9/03

your

and Read This

Instead: TH E E VE NT

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EVENT 11

Welcome, Freshers, to the wonderful world of

Musical Physics Explained Wheatus Interviewed Fresh Films Investigation anti-TV ~ Open Protest Letter

• • • •

02 contents

CONTENTS: 24.09.03 Aoccdrnig to a rscheeachr at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it d e osn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are , the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteres be a t the rghit pclaes. The rset can be a total mses a>d y ou can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is b cuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe . .

FRESHERS' FILMS We outline the b luep rint for the 'perfect' Fresher's Film.

Fcuknig amzanig, huh?

06 Ed itor-in-C hief Jim Whalley Editor Nathan Dixon Arts Editor Katharine Cfemow Film Ryan Stephens, Philip Sainty, Paul Wade , Joseph Espiner

TV OR NO TV? C olumn inches have been given here for UEA's littleheard but prou d anti-TV voice.

NEW MEXICAN WAVE A bad pun before an investigation into what m ay amount to a 'movement' in cinema.

TEENAGE DIRTBAGS We interview Wheatus and hope to find out just how dirty they really are . We d on't.

Music Editors Matt Sargeson & Sarah Edwardes

11 Contributors: Colin Griffiths • Tim Clare • Chrissie Farley • Christian Floyd • Re becca Lawrence • Ruth Charnock • Joe Minihane • Alistair Lawrence

BOOKERS BY COVERS C omple te ly ignoring an age old adage, The Event takes a low-brow angle on th e na tions most p re stigious literary award.

MARGARET ATWOOD An email interview with Canada's most famous auth or catches her, with some odd questions , in an odd mood.

MUSICAL PHYSICS What goes up, must come down. Here, we prove it. Newton would be p r oud.

The Event is published fortnigh~y by Concrete: Post: PO Box 4 10, N orwich , NR4 7TB Tel: 0 16 0 3 2505 5 8 Fax : 01603 5 06822 E-mail : su .con crete@uea. ac .uk Printed by: Archant Newspapers, St Andrew's Business Park, Norw ich

INCITE David Blaine .

BLAGGERY CORNER W in stuff.

04 YOU THINK YOU KNOW The Transformers.

CINEFILE Hir oshima M on Amour.

14 FILM The Italian job, On ce Upon a Time in Mexico, Matchstick Men .

16 VIDEOS/DVD's Ol d School, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.

17 ARTS Martin Am is.

18 MUSIC Buck 65, Doves, jamelia, Starsailor, Kelis.

20. TV/RADIO /INTERACTIVE QI, Dark House, 50 Things to do Before You Die.

LISTINGS A /sit, of things.

24.09.03

Incite

lt's the return of... Blaggery Corner! We at Concrete and The Event are charitable souls, almost to a fault. Full of love for our fellow man/woman or turnip we have a fistful! of prizes for your grubby mits to grab hold of. Just answer the relevant questions and drop us a line at su.concrete@uea.ac.uk and these wonderful prizes could be yours to own, caress, love ... whatever you choose. RELOAD BEFORE THE REVOLUTION BEGINS .

To celebrate the UK release of the awesome Th.e Matrix Reloaded... on DVD Home Video have very kindly provided us with 2

But wait, THERE'S MORE! As if you needed it:

~~lllir...._.

games. So, for your chance to win the fantastic: The Matrix,.

DVD, The Matrix Reloaded... DVD, TJze Animatrix.,. DVD and Enter The Matrix., game, simply answer the following question and return it to us at ... su.concrete@uea. a c. uk

QUESTION: What is the name of the character played by Carrie-Anne Moss in The Matrix Reloaded?

RELOAD BEFORE THE REVOLUTION BEGINS .

We also have five 7" vinyl never-tobe-released, promo-only, hand-numbered etc. etc. copies of a My Morning Jacket track for you to own and enjoy. Should you manage, of course, to answer the following question and either drop into the office with it or send it to the usual: su.concrete@uea.ac.uk. There really is a good chance that, if you bother to do either of these things, then you could be the proud po:;sessor of these wonderful prizes. The reason ... .t'Bitri:lnobody else ever does. If you don't, then we'll just have to keep themwe're not stupid enough to let such an opportunity slip through our sweaty fingers ...

QUESTION: What colour is green? Clue: the answer is 'green'.

Literature Condensed [Glaucon] "Absolutely, Socrates."

A Bluffer's Guide. We've all been there ... it's five minutes before the seminar begins and we haven't read a single bloody word of the book for that week. Wouldn't it be handy to have a quick, easily disgestible guide to the Western World's greatest literary works with which to bluff one's way through an otherwise red-faced couple of hours? Yes it would, don't argue.

[Socrates/Plato] "You know, the human condition is a lot like living in a dark cave."

This issue: Plato's Republic:

[Glaucon] "Certainly is, Socrates."

[Socrates/Plato] "Wouldn't it be great if the entire world was run by people like me?"

[Socrates/Plato] "Oh, and the universe is a spindle."

[Glaucon] "Yes, Socrates."

[Glaucon] "Couldn't agree more, Socrates."

[Socrates/Plato] "Poetry's bullshit."

[THE END]

WELCOME TO: Peking Szechuan Cantonese cuisine to take away

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editorial prerogative ••• to ramble. It all started quite interestingly- an enigmatic, tanned New-Yorker doing street magic for adverts you saw before a film. Throwing cards at a car parked at the curb-side and levitating in front of cheerfully bamboozled crowds seemed a laugh; all quite fun in a nonchalant, streetwise Paul Daniels sort of way. The ten of clubs (or whatever it was) trick was a bit of a con, though- just a couple of extra film-frames. Since these promising beginnings, however, David Blaine seems to have gone a little strange; in fact, completely barmy. He now declares a desire to be 'larger than himself' whatever the hell that means. Perhaps he is peddling some sort of half-baked metaphysical concept? Possibly he wis_hes for a few more inches? Or could his objective be reached through eating a few more burgers? Or maybe, just maybe, what he would really like is a 'larger' amount of fame. Whatever the real reasons, Blaine's concept of 'enlarging' -of exceeding his own boundaries - seems to refer merely to the boundaries of common sense. He wishes, it appears, to do silly things for prolonged periods of time.

Monsieur Blaine: ees a bit silly, non? Blaine is really just following a trail, albeit slightly more pretentiously, already securely blazed (to the point of .e xhaustion) by the masochistic sick-stunt tomfoolery of Johnny Knoxville and all those strange people desperate to fill up the more and more questionable Guinness Book of Records with feats of moronic endurance. How many pencils can the class twit stick up his nose? That sort of thing. Crucially, however, the tanned box-dweller is a bit more boring. Stuck up a long pole, encased in ice or suspended in a cage for an excessive duration, he cuts a curiously tragic figure - "look at me look at me look at me" he appears to cry- by now somewhat lethargically- to nobody in particular and everybody at once. Clearly starved of attention as a young boy, he is going about fulfilling his need for affirming adulation all wrong. You see, David, there's nothing all that interesting about a man up a pole or stuck in a box for days or even months on end; especially not if the idiot has put himself there in the first place and is wasting the time of a number of people who may have to be called in if it all goes wrong. Which would at least be interesting, if a little upsetting. The only real reaction such ruses will elicit from the passing few trudging about their daily business in London Town is a teacherly: 'Tsk. Silly boy. Why doesn't he get a proper job?' "It worked with Houdini" the hungry suspended specious shaman may retort. But the key here was a time factor - doing something impressive (like escaping being bound up in a water tank) in a short space of time. Something people could actually watch. Something entertaining - drama, suspense, danger! What Blaine keeps conjuring up are stunts that require an equal feat of endurance from the viewer in order that they remain interested for any length of time at all; it truly is the equivalent of watching paint dry. Except paint, to its credit, doesn't require the presence of a number of trained professionals in case it does something stupid or dies. Why on earth does anyone feel the need to indulge him? Or maybe he's been double-dared? Which is, as all credulous playground denizens know, a very serious business. They say you have to suffer for your art .. . but what exactly is self-proclaimed artist Blaine's art? The parameters, after this brief investigation, have revealed themselves as follows: pick a rather stupid/slightly infantile/dull thing to do, tell a lot of people about it and then do it for a long time in the hope that a lot of people will want to watch you do it. But then again- could the joke be on us? Maybe it's just a puppet and Blaine's down the pub laughing into his gin and bitter lemon? Now that would be clever ...

24.09.03

THE EVENT

04 Features

So, You Think You ·Know • ••

Frats, Fracas and

The Transformers

l) What is the name of the Transformers' home planet? 2) Name the leaders of the two warring factions . 3) What is the name of the ship that brings the Autobots to Earth? 4) What was the name of the Decepticon fighter jet who was constantly trying to overthrow their leader? 5) Who was known as the father of the Autobots? 6) What was Spike's father's name? 7) Complete this oft-repeated motto from the Autobot leader: "Autobots, transform and ... " 8) The Constructicons merge to become which powerful giant robot? 9) Who was the Autobot counterpart of Soundscream? 10) What did Perceptor transform into?

hether daunted, scared, optimistic, or just plain ecstatic about the prospect of going to university, it is likely that many people (did) have preconceptions about their current embarkation. With the film industry being predominantly American, it has yet to offer something on the position of students within the UK. Of course, the reality of life rarely reflects that which is imagined (though some Romantic types might argue otherwise) but even those who have not entered a life of servitude at the hands of some gruelling taskmaster will proclaim the three years they spent at "study" were the best of their lives. Mo'1es on the subject tend to focus on embarrassing sexual experiences and strings of painful slapstick, but there are certain suggestions as to how time here should be employed before the daunting experience of actually being employed takes place . Many people admire, almost to the point of reverence, the brash youth at the centre of Ferris Bueller's Day Off in the film by John Hughes. Deciding to skip a day is an urge to

ll) What were the Decepticons known as in the Japanese version of the cartoon? 12) Who is the leader of the Dinobots? 13) What is the name of the largest robot ever seen in the series, first encountered in Transformers: The Movie and appearing as only a head in the post-movie episodes? 14) In what year was Transformers: The Movie released?

which many of us succumb during university life. Although, in some cases, " decide" could be construed as far too proactive a word to use as days extend into terms, then a year. .. Such people risk entering the rat race much earlier than they might have expected. Ferris need not worry, however, as he applies all his ingenuity to bluffing his parents and evading the dean of students, the latter being intent on keeping him back a year for poor attendance. Like most of the Hughes back catalogue this is a rite of passage film. The characters rebel against the enforced oppression of parents and teachers and throw off the shackles of adolescent concerns to begin the heady journey towards adulthood. Through a variety of inventions and technological abuses, he succeeds in evading discovery and manages to improve the life of his closest friend by getting him to stand up to his overbearing father , all in one day . What a guy. As such, the film leaves off where some of us are now starting. For most , if not all, of the new arrivals this will be the first time without parental supervision (and we at The Event would like to take this opportunity to make an appeal on behalf of the cleaners' welfare) . While there is an impli-

Deciding to skip a day is an urge to which many of us succumb during university life . Although, in some cases , "decide" could be construed as far too pro-active ...

15) And when does in supposedly take place? 16) Who created the Transformers to serve them, and became regulars in the series after appearing in the film? 17) Which character appears in the credits at the end of the movie despite never appearing? 18) Which renowned sci-fi actor provided the voice of Galvatron in the movie? 19) Who is dramatically transformed and becomes the new Autobot leader at the end of the film? 20) In 1996 a new Transformers series appeared, this time in CGI animation. What was it called?

nswers : 1) Cybertron 2) Optimus Prime and Megatron 3) The Ark 4) Starscream 5) Alpha Trion 6) Sparkplug 7) " ... roll out." 8) Devastator 9) Blaster 10) A microscope ll) Destrons 12) Grirnlock 13) Unicron 14) 1986 15) 2005 16) Quintessons 17) Inferno 18) Leonard Nimoy 19) Hot Rod 20) Beast Wars

24 .09 .03

Argos?! F---ing ARGOS?!- You 're sacked .

cation in Bueller that experiencing life is more worthwhile than study, not many parents will own a Ferrari with which to test the hypothesis (with the exception of the worrying few that s till refer to their parents as " mummy" and "daddy"). Having left college, Orange County explores the tensions about the void of uncertainty th at happe n s prior to e nterin g acad emia. Securing a cours e at unive rsity is an experience everyone is glad to leave behind. Jake (C olin Hanks) places enormous emphasis on procuring the right p lace at the right institution in order to realise his objective of b ecomin g a writer. Preventing his dream is an extremely dysfunctional family . He suffers ongoing humiliation and ob stacles at the hands of a disinterested father, alcoholic mother, and drug-fuelled b rother (a masterfully com ical Jack Black). To add furth er humiliation is a careers adviser that makes the civil service like a paragon of efficiency. Having overcome all this to secure his place, even after feeding the Dean of Students psychedelics (a worryingly . accurate portrayal by Harold Ramis), he realises that the reputation and esteem of the institution do not necessarily matter when deciding where to start your career. As his greatest inspiration comes from the familiar surroundings of

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Features 05

Fresher Fornication

The Duke The Facts

Ph"l 5 · t offers a guide to constructing your own, using only the available to humanity. unnerving- or enviable - experience of visiting a strip club his home town, he decides to stay where he belongs with his only to find that a lecturer works there. Such nonsense would girlfriend at OCU. never happen here, despite what the rumour mill may tell Many relationships will be forged and forgotten while at us. Allegedly. While our college sport is not regarded as university, Road Trip illustrates the lengths to which people seriously as in the States (if anything is) the message about will go in order to hide an act of betrayal. A group of students embark across America in order to prevent an incrimikeeping perspective and setting your own standards, . regardless of the expectations of others is a valuable one. nating tape· reaching the hands of Josh Parker's (Breckin Meyer) girlfriend. A credit card debt to be proud of ensues For those without privileged means, part-time work as the characters bwn' up all available resources in order to save the relationship. Studies show that many lasting unions are born out of a university rendezvous, so it is surely a noble motivation from which ·a plotline should spring. The film also characterises one universal experience about uni life: the person who knows everything without any apparent study (Paul Costanzo as Rubin). Everyone, it . seems, has encountered such an individual (unless of course you are one of those people, in which case everyone is humbled by your presence, and I extend my thanks to you for taking the time to read this article). In this flick, said characbeckons. Kevin Smith's Clerks offers a meditation on the ter proves his worthy association by helping our hero to pass his exams with only hours of tutelage. In the UK, howevdaily grind of serving the throng of convenience store shoppers. The intellectualising on a number of random topics is er, we are blessed with being a small island, and, unless something that anyone with art student acquaintances can your partner studies at the esteemed agricultural college of the Outer Hebrides, such a situation could be easily rectified recognise as a particularly student trait. As Dante (Brian O'Hallaran) comes to realise, though, he with a car jowney of hours. is wasting time preoccupied by such inanities, his work, and Sporting types may find consolation in Varsity Blues, a film about the trials and tribulations of a college (American) the guiltless activities of his fellow clerk, Randall Oeff football team and the demonic pressure exerted by the parAnderson), The film becomes a warning- both implied and stated - against complacency; the existentialist recommenents and coach. Besides many fraternity activities and the infamous whipped cream bikini, they also have the rather dation being that the best things in life are worth striving for and doing a job just because it's easy is not the best route to follow. Wilhnail and I follows the inebriated activities of two jobless actors as they come to terms with unemployment. It is probably the film which most people identify as portraying student life, with the grimy accommodation and endless search for alcohol. It also has a popular drinking game associated with it (drink what they drlnk, when they drink it; though no liability is accepted by this paper for those who attempt it), and has therefore had an external impact on student culture. The truly accurate thing about this film is the transitory nature of those they come in to contact with. Meeting many people - and not always under the best circumstances, as far as sobriety is concerned- is guaranteed at university. Even one of the two comrades proves his impermanence by getting a job and leaving the other. For those who lose touch once university is over, The Third Man and The Talented Mr. Ripley contain stem warnings about assuming that people don't change. With one of UEA's graduates being labelle Dr. Germ, this is not as farfetched a claim as it may seem.

visiting strip clubs to find a lecturer works there ... Such nonsense would never happen here, despite what the rumour mill may tell us. Allegedly.

Argos? Argos ... argos ar ..•. [silence].

o it would seem that the ultimate student film would feature a child prodigy with rich connections that joins a football team; gets drunk to the point of random prattle; engages in several ill-advised sexual liaisons until finally finding the right person who requires an unnecessary trip in order to save, and returns in time to pass an exam that clinches a secure and successful career. Fulfill this checklist and you would have led the Hollywood handbook on student existence. As an alternative, there is the rather inconvenient subject of study. Besides the genius character and the exam-at-the-last-minute plot device, it is an overlooked aspect (presumably due to its banal subject matter: "Fred must take an exam, it's the last exam he'll ever take."). The common theme to all films on the subject is that of choice. This is the time when the emphasis is on the individual to take responsibility for their actions and carve out their future accordingly. So long as you do, you can't go far wrong.

his work, there can be no doubt. It would be easy to mock David 'The Duke' Dickinson. After all, the mahogany-faced TV presenter and antiques dealer has had the same hairstyle since 1969 (fact!), sports the complexion of a mahogany sideboard and voluntarily admits to being friends with Peter Stringfellow. Indeed, it would be even easier to mock him were it not for one simple fact: the BBC's alchemical combination of a wantonly eccentric host and seriously under-funded daytime TV format makes for fantastic television. With the help of a fanatically loyal student following, The Duke has gone from midmorning obscurity to legendary prime-time bargain hunter and all-round sartorial hero in less time than it takes to say one of his many nonsensical catchphrases.

Imagine the excitement that will radiate through the walls when word gets out about the Real Life Lovejoy So imagine the excitement that will radiate through the concrete walls of UEA when word gets around about the Real Life Lovejoy's one-off appearance at next week's Freshers Ball. Don your favourite multi-coloured spectacles and join the fun, but first, here are ten top titbits of trivia about the immaculately besuited David Dickinson: 1) David has been married for over thirty years to cabaret star Lome Lesley. As a wedding present, Lome gave David a regency mourning ring. 2) He is part Armenian. 3) According to Loaded magazine, he is the 72nd Greatest Living Englishman. 4) Despite his fame and fortune, he still does the lottery every week. 5) 'Bargain Hunt Booty', a rap track featuring the dulcet tones of The Duke himself, was promoted by Radio One's Chris Moyles. 6) His luxurious converted barn once featured on the much-missed house-snooping programme Through the Keyhole. 7) David's starsign is Leo, which means he is passionate, generous and fond of living life to the full. 8) He is the subject of two board games. Thanks to David Dickinson's Antique Chase and Bargain Hunt: The Game, we can all test our antique collecting abilities without even having to leave home. 9) The Duke has been immortalised by numerous impressionists, and recently became a regular character on both Dead Ringers and 2DTV. However, his favourite spoof was done by Frank Skinner. 10) In December 2002, David caused a media stir when he posed nude for the Radio Times. That, in a nutshell, is everything you need to know about David Dickinson, The Event's favourite permatanned antiques expert, and star attraction of the Freshers Ball. In the words of the great man himself, 'It doesn't get much better than this'. Sarah Edwardes

24.09.03

TH E E VE NT

06 features

Judging the Bookers by Their Covers? The Judges: Name: David Wilkerson (the bookseller) Occ upation: Manager at Ottakars , Norwich Favourite boolc (and cove r): My favourite book is Harper Lee 's To Kill a Mockingbird -It won't win the BBC 's Big Read (due to the Tolkien vote) but it ought to. Gripping, multi-layered "literary epic, a real rites of passage read, truly evocative of the petty bigotry of 1930's American backwoods that has underlying racism and false preconceptions as it's main theme. A study of the frailties of human nature combined with a child's perceptive of a changing world. my personal favourite jacket design is Yann Martell's Life of Pi -nice clear lettering, nice clear and simple but eye-catching design, which made me pick up this book and read it well before any mention of last year's Booker Prize .

Name: Mariana F1ores (the random student off the stre et) Occupation: Studying marketing at UEA Favourite book (and cove r): One of my favourite books is Paulo Coehlo's Th e Alchemist, a fantastic book made for all kind of ages , cultures and religions , for people all over the world. This book made a huge impact on me and really helped to make me appreciate how fantastic life is . Also , I really liked the cover of this book, it is simple, clear and well designed.

The Book( er)s:

David : Gorgeous presentation, instant impact, - imaginatively filled in with various flavoured depictions such as chili beans, a dragon tattoo and other examples of Asiatic art forms. Clear winner in my mind albeit not for those with dirty fingers! 9/ 10 Mariana: The cover of Brick Lane is clean, simple and very effective. The contrast of the white background and brightly coloured letters provides a pleasing image. It's an attractive cover but may be too abstract to make it a winner. 8/ 10

David: Attractive jacket although spoiled in part by the tile being in small lettering in a handwritten style, so not that eyecatching. For a book that centres on an illicit affair, the cover is appropriate, although she could just be asleep! 7110 Mariana: This cover suggests a sense of sympathy with the human condition. It is very simple and has an inunediate app eal, h owever it's very simplicity co uld prove a drawback as some of the other covers are more intriguing. 6/ 10

David : I am very anti inunediately because the details are printed at right angles rather than easier-to-read transverse standard. Also , the cover gives absolutely no clue to the conte nt resulting in it losing all round to my conunercial eye. 2/10 Mariana: The lack of a clear or distinctive image and the use of a shady rather indistinct one gives an air of mystery. This gives it an appeal but I think it'll lose out to more traditional title/ author/ picture combinations. 5/10

David : Vivid use of colour here with a simple but confusing design of Lowry style " stick" female unfortunately seeming as though she is sliding fully-clothed down a swimming pool flume! a minimalist and uninspiring cover (in my view) . 3/ 10 M ariana: My favorite cover of the six books because I think it intimates the thoughts and feelings that are inside the world of the novel. The cover is colourful, clean and well organised and I believe it is very well done. 9/ 10

David: Sepia style, soft focus arty design. Unfortunately the intended X-ray effect of the torso reminded me more of a naked man being exterminated by a dalek! Nice try and a plus point for browsers in that the title is nice and clear. 4/10 Mariana: This definitely mysterious and the spectral image will attract the casual browser because it's so different. The sugge stion ol a skele tal figure will entice certain readers and repel other s . 5/ 10

David: Probably the most interesting cover of the six, ably assisted by having the most intriguing title printed in clear lettering along the top of th e cover (Hurrah!). it is quirky enough to encourage the casual browser to take a look. 8 / 10 Mariana: The drawings imply lots of things which will probably be explored in the novel and I think it's really well done . This is a definite plus point and makes the book appealing but it may be too surreal to appeal to the majority of buyers. 7110

THE

EVENT 24 .09 .03

features 07

or no Life can be beHer without television. Try it- you might like it. Here

The Event

gives space to the

small but proud voice of UEA's anti-television league. oming to university is a new start in

many ways. It is a time for new beginnings. For what may initially seem an unlucky few, it may also be the first prolonged time without watching a television set - either first years moving into halls or the odd household beginning their second year. But think positive -join a new craze that promises to sweep the student community: kick off the shackles of the cathode-ray (or, more recently, plasma screen) junkie and enjoy your new found mental emancipation! Cold turkey may be difficult- arriving red-eyed and shivering at your neighbour's door in the hope of a glimpse of EastEnders may be a brief and unpleasant phase, but it will pass. -Kill your TVI Remember -you do not need it! Without it you could well have more money, more knowledge and more social skills. There are many more interesting things to do around campus and Norwich generally. In fact, before long even those with a television set may forget all about it for prolonged periods and do something less boring instead. It could be a difficult fight, but the rewards are many and valued- by way of example, here , fresh from the frontline , is an extract from one brave student's fight for cerebral liberation. Remember- it isn't actually illegal or strange not to own a television set, despite being made to feel otherwise sometimes: Dear T.V. Licensing Crew, Once again, we would like to inform you that the reason you have no record of our having a TV Licence is because we do not own a TV Licence. We also repeat: the reason we do not own a TV licence is because we DO NOT OWN A TELEVISION SET, COLOUR, BLACK AND WHITE, TERRESTRIAL, SATELLITE, DIGITAL OR OTHER and are very happy about this. Thank you for your repeated letters (seven to date) informing us that ignorance af the law is no excuse; for letting us know of the various ingenious methods we may use in paying for our television licence and for enlightening us with the fact that we may be liable for prosecution. We would like to assure you that, as one of the occupiers studies law, we are in no way ignorant of our legal position. We would also like to make it known to your good selves that, although it is fascinating to be regularly updated on the price of a licence and the multifarious avenues we may explore in acquiring one - a variety of which you must be justly proud - your tenacity is, alas, in vain. The reason: we do not want a licence, because we do not want a television. It may well be difficult for you to accept that our household has somehow remained independent of television's modernday entertainment hegemony, but please try. We assure you this is nothing personal, we are certain you are all very nice people - despite the tone of your letters being a little accusatory and rude - but, the truth is, we really don't want a television set. Honestly, it's fine- we really DO NOT WANT a television set. I'm sure you can appreciate that purchasing one of your lovely licences may therefore prove somewhat silly. Believe it or not we like to spend our time reading, listening to music and the radio and, on occasion, visiting the cinema. I have noticed that, in so doing, we are gradually becoming more and more lively, active and interesting people. I recently clocked a concentration span significantly above three minutes - I now know what a hard boiled egg tastes like. Also , since eschewing the goggle-box, my lexis has increased significantly. For example- do you know what nebbish, occ..pital, logorrhoea and/or imbroglio mean? If not, then these are just some of the many exciting words you may accrue if you switch off your TV and walk, blinking, to your local bookshop or library and obtain one of many thousands of volumes currently on offer. Of course, after acquisition, it is important that you do not forget to read it - if this is a problem, then a helpful assistant will be able to inform you of the conventional procedure upon request. I am pleased to hear that another of your surly minions will be visiting our area soon in order to rudely root around our house, despite our not having done anything wrong, as we are all so plainly untrustworthy. It promises to be a most enjoyable occasion - we like visitors you see, as we are quite sociable people these days. Tell me, has he/she read anything recently? We might be able to involve him/her in a discussion of some sort over a cup of tea in order to allay his/her fears and knee-jerk suspicious attitude towards us and perhaps have him/her treat us like reasonable, honest human beings. Although it is most generous-spirited of you to take the time and care to provide every opportunity for our purchasing one of your delightful pieces of paper (a friend of mine

showed me hers and, may I say, it is indeed possesse..i of a most fetching and desirable desiqn) it is unnecessary. Please, do not trouble yourselves any further. While your edifyingly conscientious, concerned and eager-to-please alacrity is most gratefully received, may we Juggest it be employed more fruitfully elsewhere; as, I am afraid, we are too w\graciously unworthy of the time being spent on us by you good people. We are just t<'o obstinately set against the ownership of a television. We JCI\OW this mlWt be wrong, but we cannot help it. To be J:.onest, last time I watched television (somebody else's set, on another property, before you get excited) it wasn't all it is cracked up to be. Rather, it was dire. In fact , the longer I spend away from a T.V. the more asinine much of it seems when I return. Although I hear "QI" and BBC4 are quite good. · But I'm rambling now, apologies - it's just that, ever since I switched off my T.V. (and disposed of it a year ago, on a different property, after having owned a licence- don't worry), I have been experiencing a curious phenomena. I talked to my doctor about it and he assured me that it was quite normal. He said that "there was nothing to worry about" but that it was

"indeed uncommon" . Apparently, what I have been suffering from is something they term 'independent thoughts'! Would you believe itl I understand that this is undesirable, especially these days, but, unfortunately, I am finding the disorder quite addictive and have no desire to stop. I have talked with my eooccupiers and they have started to feel the same way. I guiltily accept that it is probably wrong to maliciously influence and destabilise others so, but this is another side effect of my condition - the boorish desire to constantly persuade others of my veracity. We are forming a mutual support group in order to help each other cope with our dysfunction. The up-shot of all this is that we would like to offer you our deepest, most profound regret in not being able to treat ourseh•es to the services generously provided by your righteous organisation. Please accept our apologies for not wishing to own one of your licences, despite all your hard work. The problem is that we really think it would be rather silly, given the circumstances- wouldn't you agree? Yours most definitely unsquare-eyedly, Corporal Smith of the Tele-addict's Liberation Front.

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08 features

Cinefile

New Mexican Wave

no.32

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BOOOOOOM! Sounds French AND Japanese. Not a good s tart. Well, marks for perception. But they're deducted again straight away for being so narrow minded. This is indeed a FrenchJapanese eo-production, the first following the Second World War where they were firmly on different sides (Japan bombed French colonies in Asia) . All this was swept aside as director Alain Resnais and renowned French novelist/film-writer/director Marguerite Duras took a bunch of yen and francs and made a film about... the war. Seeing as the director and writer are both French, I suppose they just made what basically amounted to a propaganda film. It certainly has the potential to be a piece of propaganda that would make Charles de Gaulle blush, but it's not at all. The film is unbiased to either side. It presents the main characters - one Japanese, the other French- both as victims of the war, and offers hope for reconciliation between the countries.

OK, so what's the story? The film tells the story of a Japanese man and a French woman and their short-lived love affair in 1959 in Hiroshima, where she is acting in a film about peace. After spending the night together, she talks about how she understands what happened in Hiroshima. He disputes the fact, saying that museum exhibits do not lead to the experience of living in the post-A-bomb Hiroshima. She counters, saying that she lost something in the war too and begins a flashback to her small hometown of Nevers where her parents discover her secret boyfriend, a German soldier, and lock her in the basement. Back in the present, their affair moves toward an ambivalent ending. A love story and a war film? Don't tell me it's another pie ce of dull, sentimental, trivialising crap like Pearl Harbour. Firstly, this is a far superior film to Pearl Harbour, which had absolutely nothing to say about war and just used it as an excuse to play with some admittedly impressive special effects. Hiroshima mon Amour doesn't trivialise the subject matter - the war is a part of the characters' pasts and therefore their identities. As she recounts her doomed love affair from her teenager years, he tells of the horrors of Hiroshima. The stories they tell each other- and her attraction to him being based on his resemblance to her first love - approach a Freudian compulsion to repeat. But, as with Freud, the repetition is only a way to come to terms with the past. The war is an unavoidable part of these character!;' lives and the film deals with them tactfully, skilfully, and artfully. Artfully? Hang on, is this one of those boring slow-paced black-and-white French films? It's black and white, and the pace is very slow, but it's far from boring. Duras script bristles with the knowledge of someone who has lived in Europe and Asia (she grew up in Indochina and only moved to France in her twenties) and Resnais' direction utilises many techniques from the New Wave movement to which he belongs. These include improvised, atmospheric lighting and the use of newsreel and documentary footage often shown in long, silent flashbacks . Watching the film is an intense and exhilarating experience. Yans Perthens

THE EVENT 24.09 .03

igars, lax sex laws, road trips. These are all things that may come to mind when anyone m e ntions South America. With City of God soon to be released on video, it is time to take a look at the recent renaissance in South American cinema. Very few seem aware that, in the last four years, that continent has produced some of the freshest and most daring cinema of this newfangled millennium. So sit in the passenger's seat as we take an expedition around the more breathtaking destinations of this recent phenomenon. Breathe the secondhand cigar smoke of cinematic genius, and ignore, for a while, the cinematic whore that is Hollywood. It's perhaps a little too sweeping to say that the trend started with Amores Perros in 2000, but it does provide a superb starting point. The film itself contains three separate but interconnected narratives, set against a backdrop of a bustling and ever-expanding Mexico City. Octavio is trying to raise enough money to run away with his sister-in-law, and decides to enter his dog Cofi into a competition, but not Crufts. After the dogfight goes horribly wrong, Octavio flees in his car, running a red light and causing an accident. The passengers of the other car, Daniel and Valeria, consequently have their new-found bliss prematurely ended when she loses her leg, thereby ending her career as a model. El Chiro, a homeless man who cares for stray dogs, witnesses the collision. The film focuses on many different relationships uniting, reuniting , ending or continuing with drastic changes to the status quo. It is wonderfully directed by Alejandro Gonzitlez Ifuirritu (try saying that with a mouthful of guacamole), who uses a range of interesting cinematic techniques, most notably the use of silence in the repeated car crash scene that bridges the three episodes. While the film failed to make waves internationally, it certainly gained a loyal band of followers. More mainstream acceptance hasn't come -yet. In the same year , Argentina took a break from being better than England at football to prove that they can make better films , too. Nine Queens, written and directed by Fabian Bielinsky, tells the story of boyish, likable Juan and hardedged, scheming Marcos; two conmen who meet by chance and scheme together to sell a set of forged stamps (the Nine Queens of the title). The tricky negotiations that ensue bring into the picture a cast of suspicious characters, including Marcos ' sister Valeria, their younger brother Federico and a slew of thieves , conmen and pickpockets. As the deceptions mount , it becomes more and more difficult to figure out who is conning who. While the direction is competent yet unexceptional, with a script and actors as brilliant as this film boasts all Bielinsky needed to do was point the camera at them and yell 'action' or 'cut' in the appropriate place . The real challenge for the viewer is to try to figure out the ending, and it is guaranteed you won't get close - as the tag line says "if you think you've got it figured out... you've been conned." Again, this is a well-respected film that wasn't released in England until 2 years after it was m ade. Most people who have seen it agree that it's exceptional but, alas, it was only a small hit outside of Argentina. · Not to be outdone by the football-playing near-neighbours, Mexico released one of their biggest films in 200 1 and came closer to obtaining international renown. Y Tu Mama Tambien is a coming-of-age drama featuring Tenoch and Julio , who have both been abandoned by their girlfriends for the summer. The y meet the older Luisa at a wedding and try to

impress her by asking her on a road trip to a beautiful, secret beach called Boca del Cielo. Intrigued with their story and desperate to escape, Luisa agre es to join them. Soon the three are headed out of Mexico City, making their way toward the fictional destination. Along the voyage, the trio contrast interestingly with the harsh realities of the surrounding poverty. Seduction and arguments also inevitably arise . The film, m ade with a large helping of US money, is an erotic love story between the three main protagonists. With more sex, homoe roticism and Freudian and Marxist undertones than you could bash out of a pifiata, it 's easy to be put off by the daunting density of the film, but dir ector/ eo-writer Alfonso Cuar6n handles the material with such a deft and skilled hand that what appears on screen is a comically touching story of two adolescents growing up - the deep stuff fleshing out the background of this magnificently acted film. It's perhaps the innocent simplicity that has won-over so many viewers and this is by far the closest Mexico has got to an Amelie or Crouching Tiger , Hidden Dragon.

In the same year, Argentina took a break from being better than England at football to prove that they can make better films, too. le Y Tu Mama Tambien proved a huge uccess when exported to America, director Guillermo del Toro is perhaps exico's best export. Director of comicook adaptation sequel Blade II , he first made a name for himself with Crones, a genuinely creepy modern retelling of the vampire myth. In 2001 , 4 years after his first Hollywood movie - the decidedly mediocre Mimic del Toro reignited his reputation with The Devil's Backbone. Set in Spain during the Civil War, the action of the film takes place in a haunted orphanage. The action stems from concern over who the ghost is and who killed him. The characterization in the film, as with Crones, is outstanding and the revelation the young boy's killer sparks a chain of events that leaves the orphanage and its occupants unquestionably changed. Though del Toro has stated that the film isn't about the war, the desperation that the conflict inspires looms heavier than any apparition. The film didn't receive a wide release in Englishspeaking countries, and was not nearly as successful as Y Tu Mama Tambien, principally because it was made with Spanish, rather than American, money. It remains, however , a genuinely moving and frightening film. So while City of God was a recent success at Norwich's Cinema City and will no doubt prove as popular on DVD, it is far from the only excellent film to come from South America. It seems that it is simply another movie in a chain of them from a continent that is trying to contend with its near neighbour and produce quality , intelligent cinema. It will hopefully, before long, have everyone talking but, equally, without the recognition it deserves , it may possibly fade into history as another forgotten 'new wave' .

features 09

Bongos? Fruit? Erasure covers and songs about prom night? Wheatus do their very best to prove to you, the , reader, and our Chriss· Fa le that they are far from being the high-grossing capitalists of camp. stream to line the pockets of the industry - because they're not going to understand my reasons for writing it as it should be. I'd rather have less success with a song, but the knowledge that I produced it. The new album, Hand Over Your Loved Ones, seems to follow on from the last - in that it deals with the darker side of emotion and rejection. Was that intentional? You know, a lots happened in the time between the two albums. My fiance and I split up , my grandmother has been deteriorating with Alzheimer's, and I put a lot of emotion into writing some of these songs - almost as a release, but also I know that all listeners can empathise with the emotions being addressed in the album, just like Teenage Dirtbag, (although it's the only song I'll ever write with a happy ending - its bullshit that the prom queen would ever consider the geek!). Do you guys ever get homesick when on the road for along time?

Teenage? o on, admit it - you'd sooner have your eyeballs extracted by teaspoons than admit to your mates that you like Wheatus, but as soon as you get a sniff of that familiar jangly guitar riff, you're driven to the dancefloor like moths to a lightbulb. It is, undoubtedly, an LCR anthem, up there with the likes of Chesney and S Club. Two years on, with the hi-jacking of ex-Relish keyboardist Shannon Harris, two tambourine-wielding backing vocalists, and a penchant for throwing pieces of fruit at each other onstage - you'd be forgiven for wondering where they've been all this time. Well, far from sitting back and simply lapping up the fortunes of a global chart topper, they've been ploughing their creative juices into developing a 'sequel' to their debut album. The spotty geek has transformed into fully fledged young man - (albeit still draped in emotional turmoil) . Unlike the first album, however, the group drew on their own experiences of love, loss, insecurity and incandescent rage to guide the listener through the cathartic voyage that is Hand Over Your Loved Ones. Lead singer, Brendan B, Brown, was in a typically reflective mood when Concrete interviewed him in the cloakroom of the Arts Centre (oh we are a classy bunch!) : Brendan, f"lrst gig of the tour, what's with the lower profile?

We spent six months on the road touring the US promoting Teenage Dirtbag, and we had no success. Because we had quite a short period where our p r,.o file was high, we never really had the chance to get used to it. We actually prefer playing smaller venues like this, it's also better for the audie:1ce who can see your face without the aid of a gigantic screen - I mean, who's to say that it was really Robbie Williarns up there in Knebworth? It could've been anybody, you wouldn't have known. Does it annoy you that the structure of your fan base is largely held up by the younger generation? Frogs come in all ages (Brendan is referring to a time when he asked for a frog for his birthday - the fans dutifully obliged, pelting him with toy frogs - the name has stuck) , and you know what? Regardless of fr.eir age, they're good peoplea dedicated bunch. They're who we play for, not the record industry. Do you find that it's hard for you to be taken seriously by the music industry? You may or may not know, but when we released American In Amsterdam (the first single to be released from the new album), we got, like, zero support from our record company. They weren't happy with the video, we had to re-

shoot - but it's important we do things our way and don't allow ourselves to become mere products of corporate ideology. Those guys have never even heard of Quicksand, or Gorilla Biscuits for crying out loud! I wish the music industry understood its own history a little better - it has no soul.

"We do things our way and don't allow ourselves to become mere products of corporate ideology. Those guys have never even heard of Quicksand or Gorilla Biscuits for crying out loud." Who do you credit as your influences?

Mike (bass): Oh yeah, all the time. Touring is great fun, but you'll always get the inevitable days when you get sick of seeing the same faces and talking to the same people and you're crammed on a tour bus with them and you can't escape. But that's part of it and we accept that. After 9111 , when we drove through New York and past Ground Zero, that really brought it home for us, there was such an outpouring of grief and emotion - everyone stuck together and in a way, it was good that we arrived home at that time. I wouldn't have been happy gigging away from our home town at that time. Whats the story behind the name? Brendan: It was a mutation of a nickname my dad used to call us when we were small. It started off little little, the leedle leedle, then weedle weedle ... (OK, we get the jist Brendan) What's next? (As I ask this question, one of the backing singers intervenes) "Dinner", she says.

he support act, Fin, were hand picked by Wheatus to tour with them. An English alt. rock band whose lead singer thrashed out thunderous chords on a souped-up acoustic were the perfect aperitif to a main course of yet more jangly Wheatus hooks and heavy sounds. Not quite as catchy as the first album, nor was the gig as enthralling as 2001 at the LCR (longest Wheatus gig ever, apparently), they still managed to dazzle the sell out ~rowd with Respect followed by the finale - yes, that old LCR chestnut, Teenage Dirtbag. Well, if the kids left happy, Wheatus have succeeded.

People always assume we're punk/pop/ metal, and put us in the same category as Blink 182 etc .. I hate that. I never listened to punk when I was young, it didn't influence me and I despise Sid Vicious - punk sucks! There are musicians out there (who don'~ kill their girlfriends or themselves) who can play, and they don't need to be anti-establishment, or any of that bullshit to succeed. I grew up listening to AC/DC, the Write-up: Chrissie Farley Pixies, The Frames, Walt Mink - and I've already worn out my Questions: Colin Griffiths & Chrissie Farley copy of The Darkness album. Generally early nineties stuff Photo: Colin Griffiths Lchobelly, Sleeper, Sons of -------------------------------, Elvis .. that sort of thing. As a mainstream hand, you've managed to remain seU-produced and not allow~d any outside input • how ltard a feat is that in today's industry?

• It's almost impossible. We basically put our foot down and said we weren't going to do it unless we did it our way. They tried to bring in an outside producer, but it's hard. There are only about five of these guys and they get paid a shitload of money to make every song sound the same. I don't want to have a record breaking song that infiltrates the main-

W, or o v getarion cafe set in a

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24.09.03

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10 creative writing

Writing . •• Eggs Bene diet by Tim Clare Car! and I brunched at a little first floor bistro a few minutes from the centre. It had heavy maroon drapes and sold packs of playing cards with its name, Jeu de Cartes, written on the back of every one. We went back in spring, whe n the sun shone grapefruit yellow and the whip of the wind still made your neck hairs prickle. After some urnrning and ahhing I settled on French toast and a latte. Car! let me persuade him into ordering a glass of orange juice and the eggs Benedict. The hollandaise sauce was freshly prepared; a lightly cooked, beaten egg yolk, gently thickened with hot butter and flavoured with a squirt of lemon juice. All too often an eatery will try to fob you off with the instant stuff. Not Jeu de Cartes. We had a table by the frosted glass window. The light was choked and sickly, just how I like it. I hadn't had much sleep, the headaches were still keeping me up. My features were gaunt and drawn. I adjusted my collar and gave my tie one sharp tug. I looked like a bloodhound with a lot on its mind. "Yeah," said Car!, sniffing and scuffing a napkin back and forth against his nose. "I never ripped in a virge before." Car! had his eggs done over easy. He sawed at his gammon round with a look of impatience. "What's it like?" "Nice," I said. Car! frowned, stopped sawing. "But it's all bloody and, and min ging, in't it? I don't get the appeal." I stirred the last of the Demerera sugar into my latte and tapped the dripping teaspoon against the white rim of my cup, tink-tink-tink. The sound acted like the focalising peremptory clack of a conductor's baton. Car! bli~ed at me , his loaded yolky fork hovering before his open mouth. "Well," I said, gazing up towards the juddering ceiling fan, "you know when you open a brand new jar of conserve, and ... " "A what?" "A jar of jam."

"the satisfaction you get from deflowering a virgin is the same kind of satisfaction you get from opening a fresh jar of " . con ... o f Jam. "Oh. Yeah, yeah." " It's got that little round safety button on top , that shows the jar's still pressurised. You put your hand on the lid, you tighten your grip, you give it a little twist and there 's a fsssh ... " I dropped my teaspoon into the saucer, stuck an index finger into my mouth and made a popping noise. "Yeah." Car! mopped up a swirl of hollandaise with the eggy swatch of muffin impaled on the end of his lon g-toothed fork. "You know how satisfying it is when you hear that first pop, when you know you're the first one to lift that button and taste the sweet, zesty jam inside?" "Yeah." "That's what it's like." Car! stared at me for a moment. I had all but decided that his expression was one of confusion when he guffawed, spattering flecks of chewed up egg across the tiililecloth and down his T-shirt. "Nah mate, nah," he snorted, using the napkin to dab at his chin, "I reckon you're feeding me a jackanory!" He shook his head. "As if a bird's vadge goes pop when you take her vplates." People were beginning to stare. "There's no noise," I said. "But you ... " "What I mean is .. . " I paused, b it a half-moon out of my toast. "What I mean is," I continued, lowering the volume

slightly, "the satisfaction you get from deflowering a virgin is the same kind of satisfaction you get from opening a fresh jar of con .. . of jam." " But there's blood and all that, yeah?" I looked away. "Sometimes." Carl rested his knife on the edge of his plate. He picked up his glass of orange juice, didn't drink it; just stared into it. "I never told you. My Bess dropped a sprog once. Beautiful it was. All tiny and; and perfect. Stillborn. I told her to quit the fags but ... she never." Carl threw his head back and downed the orange juice in a single hit. The crystal tumbler returned to the table with a thump . I tried to rest my hand on his but he pulled away. He took a pack of Superkings from his pocket stuck one into the corner of his mouth. · "Car!, ! -don't think you can ... " But the cigarette was already lit, thick, dry lips already pursed, and the rest of my protestation quietly died. I listened to the crackle as he inspired, watched tresses of smoke twist and plait. As I considered asking for the bill, he allowed my fingers to thread between his.

Une Petite Probleme by Tim Clare The maitre d' blundered into the kitchen, unshaven with his coiffeur awry; a long pale streak of hollandaise sauce patterned the centre of his tie . He snatched a three-quarters full bottle of New World, I forget the exact country -let's say it was Calfornian Zinfandel from next to the magnetic strip where the knives were racked, and pulled out the rubber stopper with finger and thumb . The stopper struck the tiled floor; bounced. He lifted the bottle to his mouth, tilted the end up , then stopped and stared at Marcus. "What?" His eyebrows were bootlace thin and arched. Marcus glanced at the maitre d's tie. Spiced capsicum and lemongrass soup glugged and burbled in a tall, stainless steel pot. "Uhh," began Marcus inauspiciously. The maitre d 's eyes narrowed. He took a swig of wine and wiped dark crimson tears from the corners of his mouth. "What is it?" Marcus put down his spatula. He nodded towards the maitre d 's tie. "You've got some sauce ... " "I've got some sauce?" He took a second gulp of wine and snarled. "You're the one who's got some effing sauce, what with yer apologies and yer s odding answering machine every sodding tiine I try to get through to yer." He drew a short burst of humid kitchen air in through his nostrils. "Stupid me, eh?" He glared at Marcus. "Eh? Think I deserve that, do yer? That's

love, is it? D'yer think I deserve spending the night on me own? What's the point, eh?" His voice grew louder as he went on. "I'm through trying to get through to yer. Nothing gets in. I try to do me best by yer, and what do I get? Brain damage." He stabbed at his cranium with a finger . " Brain damage and a bloody ... a bloody heart attack, probably." A sharp intake of breath, "And where 's Craig?" "He phoned in sick." Marcus lowered his head. He picked up the spatula and poked at a wokful of beansprouts guiltily. The m aitre d' looked around for a g lass . He unhooked a large ladle hanging above the range and, clutching it halfway down the handle, decanted some Zinfandel into it. He put the bottle down on an unused hob and took a hasty sip. The beansprouts starte d to sizzle. " I.. ." Marcus stopped, heaved out a sigh that lifted his chest and shoulders. He reached up and adjusted his checked chefs hat. "John, that's not fair." The maitre d' tilted his head back, put the ladle to his lips and upended it. Re d wine ran down his cheeks. He was still for a moment, his face pinched, poised; then he hurled the ladle into a soup tureen. It ricocheted out with a clank, skimmed the hobs and landed in the turbid froth-cusped waters of the sink. His eyes went straight for Marcus' . He took a step forward. "Explain to me," he breathed, slowly, exactingly. "How's it not fair?" The last two words he spat. Marcus looked up, met the maitre d's gaze. His hand shrunk away from the spatula. A gauze of steam passed between the two men. Then the phone rang. The maitre d' looked first to the phone, then to Marcus, 21 AVENUE RD, NORWICH , NR2 3HL then back at the phone. He OPEN MONDAY - SATURDAY 10.00 - 5.00 held up a quavering index FoR A GOOD SELECT ION OF SECOND - HAND ACADEM IC BOOKS INCL UD I NG : finger . " Hold that tucking thought." He marched to the PHILOSOPHY, SOCIOLOGY, HISTORY, PSYCHOLOGY, THEOLOGY, ART phone and put the receive:I to his ear. "Bonsoir, Jeu de HISTORY, POLITICS, LITERARY CRITICISM, MEDIA STUDIES, FILM, Cartes." He stood by the THEATRE, MATHS, BIOLOGY, CHEMISTRY, ETC. double doors that led out to the restaurant, his back to Marcus, the cream phone ALSO LARGE STOCKS OF POETRY, FICTION, B -UDDHISM, ALTERNATIVE cord stretched almost taut. His accent was crisp and MEDICINE, MUSIC, ETC. fast, each worc;i roundly enunciated with deft flicks of the tongue . " Bonsoir You ARE WELCOME To BuY, SELL OR BRowsE AT YouR LocAL Mademoiselle Rivoire . C'est BOOKSHOP. TEL 01603 768720 John. Ah bon? Je suis tres d e sole. Oui, bien sfu. Je

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THE EVENT 24 .09.03

m ' excuse pour ce retard. Qui, pardon. Un petit probleme avec mon voiture. Le moteur." He shifted his weight from foot to foot as he spoke. Marcus watched through slotted spoons and balloon whisks. "Oui, bien sfu. Bien sfu. Naturellement. Craig? Ah ... on m ' a fait comprendre qu'il est indispose. Mais oui, mais oui. Aves Marcus. Oui, oui. Tout est e n ordre. " The maitre'd turned, began to approach the phone . "Bien sfu. Qui. Merci Mademoiselle. Au revoir ." He took the warm receiver from his ear, grimacing as if he were pulling a piece of gum from his hair, and placed it back in its cradle.

His eyes went straight for Marcus'. He took a step forward. "Explain to me," he breathed, slowly, exactingly. "How's it not fair?" "John," Marcus said, stepping out from behind the central range , one hand moving to remove his hat "Not now, Marcus," said the maitre d' , crossing the room briskly, "Her Nibs juSt threw a wobbler. We're in shit street." He opened a cupboard, went up on tip-toes. He lifted a red ring binder and pulled out the laminated menus underneath. "ButJohn ... " "Marcus, there's customers already out there. We 're shortstaffed, Karin won' t be in til gone seven ... " He halted midstride. "Don't look at me like that ." "John, it's important." The maitre d' shook his head. "If it weren't important enough last night, it's not important enough now, right?" Marcus stood; arms at his sides, in the middle of the kitchen, looking defeated. "Am I right? Now get behind that tucking range." He tucked the menus under his armpit, made for the double doors . " It's not about .. . " "Will yer change the bloody ... " The maitre d' let out a grunt of annoyance. "Just drop it!" "But your .. . " The restaurant doors had already swung closed. The breeze sent a tremor through the dangling saucepans. " .. . tie, " Marcus finished, to an empty room. Behind him, towards the bottom of the wok, the tips of the beansprouts were just beginning to bla cken. He stood, head lowered, listening to them cook. "l'm sorry, " he whispered. They did not reply.

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features 11

aret @wood

"Girls play games of relation. Boys, games of strategy. It is the characters who do the choosing anyway.''

have to do this?" Okay, try again. Canada is a relatively new country, and there is a view that Canadian literature is a second rate imitation of English or American literature. Many of Atwood's novels deal with the importance of identity so a question about national identity seemed appropriate. Apparently not. National identity is "what you wear to a costume party." Right then. Oryx and Crake is the first of Atwood's novels to be narrated by a man. She has been notable for her scrutiny of the female point of view, but she explained that her new novel would not have been the same with a female protagonist. "Girls play gaines of relation. Boys, games of strategy. It is the characters who do the choosing anyway." Yet Atwood states that she doesn't favour writing as a male or a female. "I prefer writing as rabbit, but I haven't got round to it yet." So look out for the new novel, starring a speaking rabbit - perhaps one of the green rabbits in Oryx and Crake would do as a protagonist_ Should be interesting. As an author, Atwood loves the actual process of writing. "W.e live by stories. Of all kinds." Yet she doesn't map out her novels. "It doesn't work forme. I have to plunge in and then figure out what I'm doing. The ideas for my novels come up with me. When they find me lacking they move on to some other hapless scribe." "You get to know your characters like you get to know people. Writing gives the illusions of a voice, and it can carry on after the author is gone路. It's a form of technology." Atwood is also an established poet, but doesn't have an inclination for one form over another. "Whatever I'm doing is what' I prefer at the time. Otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. This does not apply to mowing the lawn." Atwood's sense of humour certainly comes across in all her writing and also in her speech (or emails as the case may be.) Despite the fact that when 'reading Atwood's novels, it feels as if she is speaking exclusively to you, she explains that she does not write with a particular reader in mind. "I write for the Great Reader in the sky, who could be anyone." She also doesn't have a particular novel that was hardest to write. "Whichever one I am writing at the time i.s the most difficult. That one is also the easiest."

Atwood has denied that her meticulously researched novel is science fiction, saying that this genre does not discuss things that could happen. For Atwood, science fiction is mere fantasy, it's about monsters, aliens and such like. She calls Oryx and Crake "speculative fiction" and describes it as "horrible fun," but she goes on to give a warning about the destruction found in the novel. "It's a book. It hasn't happened yet, but we're on the road. We could get off it. It's not inevitable, but it's not impossible. We can watch and pray, or alternatively, clean up our act." Atwood began her email response with "Here are your answers. Some of them are quite silly, but then, so are some of the questions ..." Knowing Atwood's fascination with the individual, and her careful drafting of character, I wondered how she would describe herself as a character in one of her nov.els. In classic Atwood style, she replied, "I would say, 'why do I

twood"s characters are normally presented at point of crisis and she uses flashbacks to show the reader how they came to be in their present situation. To name them, Atwood says, "I ook in Name Your Baby, the Bloomsbury name book, and The Lives Of Saints. Quiz question: Why is Iago_ so named?" Indeed, from reading Atwood's novels, you can tell that every detail has been thought about and researched down to the finest point. For example, Jimmy calls himseU Snowman to make himseU feel less vulnerable. He secretly calls himseU The Abominable Snowman "existing and not existing, flickering at the edges of blizzards, apelike man or manlike ape, stealthy, elusive, known only though rumours and through its backward-pointing footprin~." He manage.s to change his identity. Of course;many students dream of the day they will have

argaret Atwood is Canada's most distinguished novelist. You are unlikely not to have come across her at some point; her work is celebrated internationally, she has been nominated for the Booker Prize four times (including this year for her new novel Oryx and Crake) and she won it in 2000 for The Blind Assassin, a multilayered family memoir. The 64 year old is a writer of impressive variety, having written Bildungsroman novels such as Cat's Eye, science fiction, The Handma.id's Tale, and Victoriana, Alias Grace. Yet this pre-eminent novelist found the time to address th~ literary festival at UEA back in May. Unfortunately, she was too busy to grant Concrete an interview. However, she did agree to an email interview, and despite missing out on the opportunity to talk to Atwood, judging by her answers and her reputation for being cool and aloof, it is probably a good thing. The author of more than 30 books of fiction, poetry and criticism, Atwood certainly carries a formidable awe about her. She was able to command lecture thea~e one- sat, in veneration, as she read from her latest book Oryx and Crake. The novel is set in a terrifying future, described to us by the narrator, a male who calls himself Snowman. The world he inhabits is a wasteland, and he is the only surviving human, except for the green-eyed Children of Crake, who regard him as 'another creature. The reader follows Snowman as he tries to piece together what has happened to the world, as we know it. Woven through his struggles is the tale of his past as an adolescent named Jimmy, trying to understand his science fanatic friend, Crake.

the identity of an author; to be able to attend a literary festival, fill out more seats that any other author, have people fiock to get their book signed, and be nominated for literature's most esteemed award on several occasions. For the majority, this will remain a dream, but to set any hopefuls off on their way, Atwood did have time to offer some well practiced advice, "Read and read, and read. Write and write and write. And, viz Gladiator- Hold the line! Or, viz the labyrinth: It's dark in there. Take a thread." Hopefully, thi.s prove of use to some of us.

24.09.03

THE E VENT

12 cen~respread

centrespread 13

Musical Physics: What Goes Up, Must Come Down ock and roll comes in many colourful ~ses. Being invited to interview the Fun Lovin' Criminals at Spm didn't exactly sound like the time of day for the coke-snorting, scotch-swilling, lounge-lounging extravaganza that the Lovers of Fun seem to perpetuate. And apparently it wasn't; as the band didn't even turn up to their own soundcheck. , Were they delayed by Norwich's multitude of banks in which to run around

"Sometimes recording can be really tedious and longwinded, which is why we love doing what we 're doing tonight getting sweaty and rocking out." robbing? Did they become so smoothly laid back they ended up comatose in a Norfolk field? Did Huey slip up on one of his own slimy one-liners? We will never know, as the majority of the band (front-man Huey and lead guitarist Fast), remained resolutely absent until they performed. Happily though, we did speak to 'Frank the Rhythm Man' who has recently replaced old drummer Mackie. He has known the band since pre-'Scooby Snacks' madness, when he used to dj for them at after-show parties. Soaking

his fingers in a wok filled with white spirit, dealing man-ho", and a further score for a (toughens up your fingers), and looking Spanish/UK eo-production 'Oh Marbella'. more like your friendly brickie than a doyen How di:d working on a soundtrack compare of smooth, he dealt patiently with our often with a regular album? "It's definitely a diffoolish questions in dulcet Leicester tones. ferent way of working. Fast is such a film Apparently, the Midlands city is now hip-hop buff that he probably enjoys it the most, but central. Who knew? we're all mad on films. It's great, because Norwich was the third date ofthe band's you can see everything coming together world-wide tour to promote their new album really quickly, which often you can't with an 'Welcome To Poppy's'. Showcasing more of album. Sometimes recording can be really FLC's trademark mix of hip-hop and jazz tedious and long-winded, which is why we rhythms, the album also has a rock edge in love doing what we're doing tonight- getplaces, with Huey's distinctive 'Nooo ting sweaty and rocking out." Presumably Yawwwl<' gravely raspings of controv.ersial . the white spirit fumes help with that. lyrics like 'kill that Texan and the man who takes his place' (presumably not about J.R) and 'f**k that Bin Laden' (pretty self explanatory). Did Frank think that the band was heading in a new, darker direction? "They have found happiness on some of the tracks, but many of them are deep because of what happened two years ago. This is the first album the band ha.s made since 9111 which obviously had a huge affec: on all of us, but especially Huey and Fast [the origiIt was time to delve deeper though. We nal founders of the band], because they both wanted groupies, hard drugs, smashed-up grew up in New York and it's such a big part amps and nasty stains. Frank considered: of the band's image." "Well, our tour bus is pretty cool. It's all kitHow does the album reflect the mood in ted out - beds, microwaves... whips." This America at the moment? " Huey wrote 'Steak revelation was a little half-hearted though, Knife' about all the rednecks loving Bush almost as if Frank felt the need to confirm and waving their knives and forks at the tv in FLC's 'party/whip hard' reputation. And support of the war in Iraq. We don't think what about groupies? "Yeah, we have some like that - what goes around comes around. crazy fans, but I can' t really see that much I've seen how people have changed in because of my hat [Frank wears a huge fedoAmerica and we try and capture that in the ra during the show] . But anyway girls, album. The lyrics aren't in your face, though, you've stepped over the line with that one. if you want to hear them they're there, but if We operate a confidentiality policy on all not you can just dance and have a good that sort of thing." time." illy us. Here we were thi.n king The band are also soon to release their that the band would want to let first film score, for the Irish feature film slip a few spicy moments to 'Headrush', which showcases Huey in " a ensure their place in rock and realistic portrayal of a transvestite drugroll folklore. More cheeringly

"Yeah, we have some crazy fans , but I can't really see that much because of my hat"

however, they do have a working bar on stage though even this seemed a little like a token gesture, as no-one on stage seemed to use it during the show. " It's so everyone gets wankered", suggested Frank. No, really? It was time for Frank to put on his big hat and make like a Leicester gangster and for us to sidle into the gig . As we left, Frank made a last stab at convincing us of the FLC's 'cool': " It's just one big p .a rty. And you can't really not look cool if all y路ou're doing is partying." It seems like it's time the Fun Lovin' Criminals took a long restorative nap, as the gig was, at best, chilled background music you 'd listen to whilst maybe pretending to be Robert De Niro in front of your mirror, (Huey has clea.r ly o_ver-watched 'Taxi Driver' - at one point he pretty much launched into the old "You talkin' to me?" routine), and at worst sunk to Huey shouting "Say Barry White" to the audien ce, who obliged with a desultory "Barry White". Huey is clearly trying to aspire to the Walrus of Love's lady-charming, satin-sheeted legacy, but came across more like scratchy polyester that just creates a lot of nasty static. That said, old favourites like 'Scooby Snacks' and 'Fun Lovin' Criminals' went down very well, and Huey's banter with the crowd, when it didn't slip into aforementioned cliche, was gently amusing if more like the sort of jokes you' d hear from an amenable uncle, rather than a shootin' , snortin' gangster of smooth. And as for Fra.nlc? He couldn't see much, because of his hat. But hey, it was all just one big party. Thank God we weren't invited.

oasis in a desert somewhere northeast of the world's most buzzing and vibrant city. Or so all your mates and half of London's media would have you believe. For beneath the surface of dull nightclubs and pools of vomit gipped so skilfully along Prince of Wales Road, lurks a promising cultural underbelly. Scuzzy indie clubs, beardy performance poets, strangely quaffed comedians.

The Asleep looked and sounded like a band on a mission. Within two months they'd landed a management deal and sold out the Arts Centre, a feat they have achieved twice s1nce. Yet perhaps the one thing that Norwich truly lacks is a great band to be proud of. Not just a good one, a great one. It may not have the musical heritage ofLivexpool or Manchester, or the dilapidated ~楼ban brilliance of New York, but Norwich does have the charm that could surely create a motley group of unlikely heroes. And now, after a long, arduous wait, it has. The Asleep, a 路four-piece formed on the basis of crack musicianship, lifelong friendship and an obsession with all things soul,

24.09.03

funk and rock'n'roll have arrived to take over your world. And the journey begins here. The Event first came across The Asleep on a particularly drunken post-exam night in June 2002. In the small bar situated at the back of the Arts Centre, a group of well-dressed lads played tight covers of Led Zep with a few originals thrown in, strutted their stuff whilst your rep_o rter fell over on girls of a questionable age and drank the bar dry. In spite of the ensuing sensory deprivation, the overall verdict was good. We' d be checking them out again. When we did, the change was, to say the least, phenomenal. Gone were the covers, in was a forty-five minute set of stomping bluesy rock'n'roll. Supporting local art-punk heroes Kaito, The Asleep looked and sounded like a band on a mission. Within two months they'd landed a management deal and sold out the Arts Centre, a. feat they have achieved twice since. The Asleep practice in t11e basement of a huge detached Victorian house at the end of Willow Lane and it is here that The Event goes to have a chat and listen to some new material. The band are preparing for what could be their most-important date yet, a gig at the Arts Centre on 27 September, followed shortly by the release of an Acupuncture Footwear compilation, on which they line up next to the likes of Primal Scream, the now sadly Feteless Libertines and Yeah Yeah Yeahs. After almost falling arse over tit down a spiral staircase, which lacks such modern technology as lighting by electricity, we are sat down in a room the size of a hobbit's garden shed and treated to half an hour of tinnitus inducing delight. To all intents and puxposes this is a private gig and the boys are making the most of it. Todd (vocals), clutches his microphone stand and stomps along, his shock of blond hair contrasting with his Courtney TaylorTaylor meets Lou Reed look. George (guitars)

be in a band there's no half way, you've got to live it," he says. "We live together, we practice four times a week and that way tlt'ings have started to pay off." When quizzed about his drumming style Steve gives a straight forward answer: "I used to be into the more jazzy stuff but then you realise that you've got to lay it down and sit on the beat." As we continue to discuss this and the impending gig ("We're just really looking forward to it," enthuses George) Todd marches into the distance, his incredible pair of Cuban heels becoming less audible by the second. By the time we catch him, he's ready to talk, especially about influences. "I listened to a Jot of my dad's old LPs . when I was younger. A lot of soul especially Otis Redding. I'm really into a lot of alternative American tunes too, anything yvith a bit of passion." He also talks keenly about Slash's new project with Scott Weiland who are due to release a new EP in the near future . It seems that classic rock is by far more Todd' s cup of tea than the garage sounds still emerging from the other side of the Atlantic. Discussion of the new Strokes single also throws up a few ideas of who The Asleep really look up to. _ "We don't like to criticise other bands," says George. "They have been under a lot of pressure, but they're trying to make it sound raw and it doesn't seem to work." If this makes one thing clear it is that The Asleep, despite how much they owe to punk rock (and New York punk in particular), are a ollowing the session, where the rpck'n'roll band through and through. They band showcase songs including will not implode in a blaze of tragic glory the fabulous Do You Need Me?, a (Libertines) or become dour parodies (Oasis). wah wah tinged number named With the impending release of the Sweet and betray influences as Acupuncture compilation, their own EP being far apart as Otis Redding and Guns'n'Roses, released via Mute records and hopefully a national tour with London scenesters The the gear is packed up and we take a walk back to the flat which the band have shared 路 Martini Henry Rifles, it seems that' The Asleep for almost a year. George talks keenly about will soon be gracing the covers of magazines being in the band and how he feels they have and writing their own headlines. Finally reached the brink of success. " If you want to Norwich has got the band it always deserved.

shakes his head in the same manner as a namesake may have done at the height of his fame in The Beatles. His style though, could not be further from that of the quiet one. One minule searing Page inspired lead breaks, the next a Mick Taylor blues flourish, the next a choppy funk chord progression. Paul (bass) sits quietly, laughing at jokes between songs and turning out sold yet swirling baselines. And Steve (drums) sits behind his kit looking like a man possessed, perhaps with the ghost of John Bonham or the spirit of Animal from The /t1uppet.s. He thumps the skins with such vigour and manages to keep such a tidy beat that il is no wonder he feels the need to lean out of the small window and crack open a can of beer from his stash to celebrate. (Steve will later describe drumming as one of the best two work outs that he can. think of. Go figure.)

"We live together, we practice four times a wee;k and that way things have started to pay off."

24.09.03

_...

14 Film

The Italian Job Director: F. Gary Gray Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Edward Norton.

0 Monkey Man Wahlberg in cheeky cockney capers..• in l. A. With minis..

an~ :.a

The original 60' s The Italian fob becomes the internal and external reference in this modern remake. This time, the anti-gun antihero's attempt to retrieve his gold from erstwhile gang-member Steve (Edward Norton) when he betrays them and kills their muchbeloved leader (Donald Sutherland) following a successful heist in Italy. Having traced Steve back to L.A., they recruit the straight-laced but multi-talented daughter of said patriarch in order to exact their revenge by... stealing the gold back. The hordes of cockney criminals under the guise of visiting football fans are replaced by a small crack squad of iiber-felons equipped with enough technology to bankrupt a third-world country. Each wields a character trait hefty enough to provide the bulk, if not all, of the humour. Of special note amongst this team of endearing miscreants is Lyle (Seth Green of Buffy and Family Guy fame) whose character claims to be the original founder ofNapster and manages to upstage many of the roles he is supporting. This is easily done in a film where the only consistency is clumsiness and, at times, the cast don't seem too comfortable with each other. Edward Norton's serious miscasting exemplifies this. While it is rewarding to see him adopt a villainous role, he doesn't seem too secure with either his character or his script (if the rumours are to be believed, he

BMW?!

"You know, my vehicle was larger in Boogie Nights ..."

wasn't). Norton as a man referred to as "lacking imagination" is pushing the bounds of believability, even for a film. Thankfully, though, the film's pace carri~s such oversights and, apart from a rather clumsy bit of character introduction, it doesn't permeate the entire mood. It's easily forgotten once the action kicks in. This is not, then, a carbon copy plot with a larger effects budget. Rather, it is an adaptation of- and, possibly, homage to- the original. So much so that there's little reason why a movie entirely separate from the stigma of the original couldn't have been scripted. There is, for instance, no plausible explanation for the colour of the minis, apart from the fact they look cool. And they do. The audacious stunt driving of the original is replaced, to a certain extent, by fiashy camera angles. Instead,

there is a speedboat chase and rewarding Screenplay adapters, being well aware of footage of old-school Mini action at the start of possible accusations of "muscling in" or the film, which more than compensates for the attempting to "replace" a much loved British - some would say heretical - inclusion of the film manage to sidestep any such contention. BMWlater. Instead of ignoring the lineage, they make In many ways, the film attempts to make obvious visual references to the original - a amends for the original's un-PC moments, van teetering on the edge of the bridge and such as by compensating the un-pc character Michael Caine appearing on the TV bought of Professor Peach with a strong female lead with the stolen gold - and such clues can (Stella, p layed by Charlize Theron). She is prove interesting to spot, if you find-yourself capable of cracking any safe and driving at · with little else to do. By placating fans of the extreme speeds, but still has enough vulneraoriginal it should give them plenty to enjoy; bility to require the males of the crew to have or moan about, depending where they want to -to put a brooch on her. Aaah. A modem gal. stand. It is worth a watch as an action film that Phil Sainty manages to capture the charm of the original.

Matchstick Men Directqr: Ridley ScoH Starring: Nicholas Cage, Sam Rockwell " ... and matchstick cats and

-" Boo!" -"If I close my..,_..,'=-"'""' eyes, will you go away?"

pregnant, and about a son/daughter he may or may not have. Soon he finds his world turned upside-down when his fourteen year Scott, caged, rocks well~ .. ·- old daughter, Angela, (played by Alison Lohman) comes into his life for the first time. Nick Cage has a happy tendency as an Things start to turn nasty when a big con actor to be in some dafnn good movies, starhe's been pulling with Frank starts to go ring in Martin Scorsese's Bringing out the awry. Matchstick Men is a truly enjoyable film. Dead; Leaving La.s Vegas (for which he received an Oscar) and Adaption -which Hans Zimmer's soundtrack hits the spot perearnt him a further nomination in 2002. fectly - the tone and mood of the film is conSadly, however, he's also landed some truly sistently reinforced. As usual, Ridley Scott's awful films - the appalling City of Angels, the direction is above par. Scott catches the sickeningly sweet Family Man and the dire light-hearted centre of the movie and balCaptain Corelli's Mandolin. The problem ances it perfectly with a menace in the more never lies with Cage himself, but with the serious moments. The film never really quality of script and movie in general that he comes across as slushy or unnecessarily appears in. As a consequence, Cage's sentimental, especially during the scenes careeer has been a bit of a hit and miss between Cage and Lohman. Both really shine, playing off each other skillfuly. Sam affair. You can never expect a movie to be good just because Nicholas Cage is in it, but Rockwell plays his role as the comedy proyou can never expect the movie to be bad tege well. He is, quite clearly, a rising star of a hollywood character actor. Lohman plays a either. Fortunately Matchstick Men hits the mark perfectly- charming, witty, funny and fourteen year-old perfectly, and it really is in places quite touching. · rather a suprise to find she's twenty-four in Cage plays Roy Waller, a con artist with real life. a list of phobias a mile long. Roy and his Matchstick Men brings toget.h er a good partner Frank (Sam Rockw~ll) spend most of solid cast that gel well and tells an easythe time coning gullible and naive people going story with moments of pathos. It isn't out of money. This causes Roy's phobias to the best movie that either the director or the further manifest themselves out of guilt at his cast have seen, but it is enjoyable to watch work. After one rather nasty panic attack, and will keep you entertained throughout. Paul Wade Frank manages to get Roy to a psychiatri.s t for help. During his sessions Roy starts to think about his ex-wife, who he left while

dogs. He painted ... " ahem.

IJJM

TH E E VE NT

24.09.03

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Film

Once Upon a Time in Mexico Director: Robert Rodriguez Starring: Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Salma Hayeck and more! The closing chapter of Robert Rodriguez Mariachi trilogy has finally hit the cinemas, after almost two years of troubled post-production. It is perhaps Rodriguez's most ambitious film to date, with a large Ensemble cast, scenes with Spanish dialogue, and, although it seems impossible, even more far-fetched action sequences than Desperado. The plot involves a number of characters , including a disgruntled ex-FBI Officer, and Banderas' pivotal Mariachi, seeking revenge against power-hungry criminals who want to overthrow El Presidente. Throw in a military coup, guitars, machineguns and Enrique Inglesias, and you have Once Upon Time in Mexico. It is clear from the outset that Rodriguez has tried to make the film as hip as humanly possible, with fast editing, snappy dialogue and a top-notch cast. It threatens, at several points, to become simply style over substance and the plot in particular is unnecessarily convoluted. Double crossings, mixed motives and back-stabbing lead to a feeling that everybody is against everybody else, and that at any minute characters are simply going to resort to "yo mama so fat" jibes. Furthermore, the numerous characters and the establishment of their motives means the film takes some time in warming up. Also, although there can be little complaint that JohnnyDepp gets the lion's share Of the screen time, it does mean that engaging actors with interesting characters are pushed to the side. Take pity on Cheech Marin,

Danny Trejo and Mickey Rourke, who are left doing the celluloid equivalent of twiddling their thumbs, waiting for their inevitable demises. The two female roles, played by Salrna Hayek and Eva Mendes, also have little more to do than to pout and look sultry. Although they do this very well, it would have been nice for more realistic, empathetic roles to have been provided for them. The film does, however, have many redeeming features. The casting is excellent, with Johnny Depp as Agent Sands, a crooked C .I.A officer, being the obvious standout. Willem De foe is predictably solid as the threatening Barillo, a criminal overlord who is fond of a bit of torture. Fans of El Mariachi al_ld Desperado will be pleased to hear that the trademarks of the series, church and hospital settings, explosions, black humour, sawn-off shotguns and an annoying child in a yellow T-Shirt are all here in spades. The cinematography is excellent, and the freedom granted by Rodriguez's use of digital video means that there are some truly creative action sequences. As a film in itself it is highly enjoyable and far more satisfying than most of the Hollywood action-by-numbers bollocks that's churned out every summer. It is a little uneven to be a truly satisfying end to the beloved Mariachi opus, but is well worth seeing for the performances and dialogue alone. If nothing else, the inclusion of Inglesias into the cast is reason to fork out the ticket price. If you're a fan, he gives a convincing performance that'll make you proud. For the rest of

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]oseph Espiner

Busking was proving a little tiresome ...

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Tuesday October 7 at 7.30pm Tickets £11 (Cones £9)

Box Office 01603 620917 Maddermarket Theat re, St John's Alley, Norwich 24.09 .03

THE

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16 DVDIVHS

Old .School Director: Todd Phillips Starring: Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell & Vince Vaughn with their fantastical~ funny schemes... . , . , Imagine you were able to return to university ten years from now with all the artifice and resources of the career you had carved out to aid you. That is the basic premise of this film three thirty-somethings are given a new lease of life after Mitch (Luke Wilson) rents a house in the heart of campus territory. Having thrown Mitch the wildest welcome to the neighbourhood party ever (headlined by Snoop Dogg), they set about establishing an " open doors policy" fraternity with an eclectic membership. So varied, in fact, that there is a minority of 'normal' students and the oldest member pushes 90. All this finds them confronting Dean Pritchard, who also happens to be an old nemesis of the trio. As far as plot goes, it's formulaic American stuff; the Dean wants them out and eventually succeeds through dastardly means. Several students are, consequently, expelled and the men then have to face up to their responsibilities towards all the lives they have impacted upon. Tapping into their various careers, the characters have to get the fraternity to pass a series of tests in order to gain legitimate status and thwart the evil Dean's schemes. Running parallel to this is a tenuous romantic theme as Mitch attempts to fill the void left by his long-term lover turning her attention towards the swinging scene. He vainly attempts to battle the stigma of being "The Godfather" of

the group in order to retain an air of responsibility. There is suggestion of a premature midlife crisis, as Frank "The Tank" (Will Ferrell) forgets his responsible marital status and regresses all too easily into his adolescent activities of old. Meanwhile, Beanie (Vince Vaughn) has an interesting and highly comical approach to parenthood and his general philosophy on marital bliss is one of systematic scepticism. The scenes involving fraternity activity are, predictably, the funniest. It is not cliche-ridden, though, as the spin put on them by this older clique are far more severe than the average frat-boy film- they employ more 'mature' ideas and methods in their 'pranks' . Some scenes go so far as to evoke Fight Club by way of parody (though not to the point of travesty) . There is a lot of appealing to the lowest common denominator throughout, which is to be expected of the genre. Those who don't think being fat is intrinsically funny will probably be less than impressed. Those who do , however, will find the scene of an eighteen stone man vaulting a gym horse at the height of mirth. If you want subtle comedy, this is not the film for you; though it does improve slightly in that respect on Road Trip (director Todd Phillips sticks with what he !mows). You do have to wonder what the next take on campus culture is going to be, as fresh ideas are running thin, but

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s this manages to maintain an even pace with enough interest between gags to prevent any loss of concentration, or desire to leave. As harmless, puerile fun aimed largely at the male market, it's more "boys and a few beers" than " cider with Sex And The City" . Can only be a good thing. Phil Sainty

Old School: girls, beer, fat people and ribbon dancing.

Confessions of a Director: George Clooney Starring: Sam Rockwell, George Clooney & Drew

Charlie Kaufman never plays it straight with his movies. Unlike standard Hollywood pictures, he writes offbeat scripts that grab the attention of the audience and keeps it hooked with their peculiar charm. Confessions is no different. Following sirrular themes found in his recent work Adaption, Confessions deals with the blurring of fact and fiction . Chuck Barris is the television producer who created The Dating Game (which later became Blind Date in the UK) and The Gong Show. He's a household name and a bit of a cult icon in the States. Barris wrote his own unauthorised biography after a mental breakdown, the book mainly detailed his work as a television producer but also claimed that during the 60s and the 70s he killed 33 people while working as an assassin for the CIA. Chuck (played by Sam Rockwell) narrates his story - from how he became a television producer, to the development of his first successful show, The Dating Game and then his first meeting with long term girlfriend Penny (Drew Barrymore). Chuck' s life takes a strange turn when he is hired by CIA recruiter Jim Byrd (George Clooney) who trains him as an assassin against the USSR during the Cold War. Chuck uses the dates organised for The Dating Game to carry out missions in Germany and around the world. Things are going swimmingly, until he becomes attracted to another agent Qulia Roberts) and things begin to fall apart. He soon finds himself accused of being a double agent and his show cancelled.

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Clooney shows real potential with this film. He demonstrates his directorial talent and the experience of working with the Coen Brothers and Steven Soderbergh has clearly been highly beneficial and reveals a deft touch when playing with the camera in order to demonstrate the fractured nature of Chuck's psyche. Kaufman has written a strong screenplay. Both sides of Chuck's double life are played out perfectly. Sam Rockwell is perfectly cast as Chuck Barris, with his ability to play on the tragedy and paranoia of the character as well as the manic humour of the role . Drew Barrymore' s role as Penny, Chuck 's one true love, is again well cast and you do feel for her as Chuck refuses to commit over and over again and pushes her away. Much like Ocean 's Eleven the film has many cameos from big name stars. Julia Roberts plays another CIA agent who checks up on Chuck; Brad Pitt and Matt Damon both appear briefly in a highly amusing scene as contestants on The Dating Game and Rutger Hauer manages to pull himself out of video hell briefly to make a touching appearance as another CIA assassin. Confessions is a brilliant debut for George Clooney - a director who shows much promise, especially with his work with the camera. Paul Wade

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Theatre Royal, Romeo and Ju/iet.23-27 Sep

The problem every production faces with Romeo and fuliet these days is how to match

the innocence and beauty of the original Franco Zefferelli version or the brash technicolour of Baz Luhrman's futuristic world of lawlessness and gang warfare. The other difficulty is knowing when and where to set a production so that it applies to the audience of the time, makes the characters real and the situations they find themselves in plausible. Tills decision is the most important a director makes and the success of any interpretation or adaptation is due to the credibility and believability of the actors' surroundings. Tills production is set in Italy in the I950s where the rigidity of belief and reliance on old ideals, such as that of the nuclear family, should provide a perfect background for the young lovers whose parents forbid their association and die to preserve their union. Romeo and ]uliet is undoubtedly Shakespeare's most well-known tragedy and one of his best'Ioved plays. Tills production is brought to us by the English Touring Theatre who debuted in Norwich last year with an award winning interpretation of King Lear. The company has been described by the Observer as 'presenting classics with a sheen and bite'. It is this edge and originality that should make them equal to the mammoth task of bringing the characters to life and giving us a touching performance of the teenage lovers and their tragic ending. Katharine Clemow

Haruki Murakaml, A Wild Sheep Chase

Maddermarket Theatre, Ladles Who Lunch, 20-24 Sep, 1:15.

Martin Amls, Yellow Dog

When not running marathons, Murakarni writes good books - likening it much more to a hobby, one which he his lucky to be paid for, than a job. Western authors such Kurt Vonnegut have proved more of an influence than his native Japanese - towards which he is less than complementary. Japanese Literature, for example, may not be the first place you'd look for a decent detective novel, but that's what Haruki Murakami has produced with A Wild Sheep Chase, the story of a nameless hero -with a disaffection that would cause the most apathetic GenXer blush - and his search for a sheep that may or may not be trying to take over the world. On the surface, it's a hardboiled detective story complete with twists, turns and bizarre coincidences, but told in Murakami's breathtaking yet subtle prose style and with a love of the surreal that makes Dali look like an amateur enthusiast. The result for the reader is a sense of estrangement from the world, which in fact serves as help in empathising with the main character's predicament. Add a girl whose ears are so exquisite that when uncovered they improve sex a thousand-fold, a runaway friend, a right-wing politician, an ovine-obsessed professor and a manic-depressive in a sheep costume and you know that this is a far cry from traditional Japanese literature- whatever that maybe. There are many metaphysical and social lessons to be learnt from the book. It is an indictment of political and social collectiveness (both left- and right-wing) and a glorification individualism. Set against the backdrop of a 70s Japan that is beginning the economic boom which has only just begun to decline in recent years, the hero 's refusal to join a large company and 'sell-out' to corporate capitalism is the strongest theme in the book. Instead he follows the same routine every day - get up late, go to work for a few hours and then sit in a bar and drink whisky. The main character has no direction until the search begins. It is not only a hunt for a sheep, but a trip through his past and a Jungian quest to give his life some approximation of a goal.

There has long been a gap in the market for day time theatre. The matinee is all very well but if you what you really want is a West End wonder and can't afford the high prices of evening tickets or don't have the appropriate attire to attend a swanky after dark show (two problems regularly suffered by students) the matinee isn't the answer. Theatre needs auidence energy to work at its best. It needs a story unfolding before eager eyes with parts played by actors who , with a bit of luck, respond and embody the characters well enough to provide hour or two of escapism and entertainment. It should therefore be available to all those who wish to partake of this most ancient and revered method of story telling. The good folk at the Maddermarket Theatre are doing their best to make it so with a monthly one-act performance of Theatre over Lunch. The idea is that people of all ages and walks of life can come together to enjoy creative gems without having to dress for the occasion and spend a fortune , or experience the possible disappointment of a matinee, where the audience often amounts to a handful of those who wanted to but couldn't attend the evening show and where the actors put on half a performance because they're saving themselves for the evening. Lunchtime theatre is only performed, curiously enough, at lunchtime. Everyone watching it wants to be there and

In his recent memoir, Experience , Martin Amis treated his readers to a graphic account of his expansive and expensive dental work, the orthodontic equivalent of the BBC 's Restoration show. Considering the obvious pain involved, some may have wondered why he bothered having the work done in the first place - in his author photographs he is usually too intent on being The Most Formidable Writer of His Generation TM to even consider cracking a smile. All this changes, however, with Yellow Dog. On the dust jacket he is the very image of rel~ed joviality. Compared with his more recent output it may lack ambition, but there is a refreshing sense that, after spending most of the nineties trying to prove that he's a great writer, Amis is finally getting down to some great writing. Sharing territory with Money and London Fields, the novel offers four eventually converging stories, all perfectly suited to the author's brand of hyperbolic, disgusted farce . Most prominent in the cast of oddly affecting cartoons are author XanMeo, journalist Clint Smoker and King of England, Henry IX. Each is put through their own private version of hell. Meo, a sell-styled Renaissance Man, finds himsell unable to control his primal instincts following a savage beating. Smoker, who, in a classic Amis touch, licks the tiny 路 handcuffs that hang from his nose whenever he's nervous, is having woman trouble , magnified by certain physiological inadequacies. Henry, meanwhile, must cope with a scandal that arrises when naked pictures of his daughter (the future queen) appear in the national press. A reasonable indication of the blackness of the humour is that the fourth story, the light relief, involves a poorly secured corpse causing an air-liner to crash. Rage, impotenence and fear are not new subjects for Amis, a factor that may account for his recent, much publicised, critical maulings (jealousy is the other obvious possibility). But narrative familiarity only serves to throw more light on his principle gift: the ability to construct sentences better than anyone else alive. }im Wlaalley

Bans Prysteen

it's the only chance the actors get that day, so they give it their best shot. It's a brilliant idea that combines two of life 's pleasures, eating and arts. Now we 're on the subject.. . while you're settling into your second or third year: moving into a house or contemplating the joys of that important last year of freedom, I suggest you leave the decorating and the dissertation for an hour to attend their latest production, Ladies who Lunch . If you're a first year it's an even better idea, what more effective way to get integrated than to sample the delights of the top talent of Norwich's theatrical scene? Ladi es who Lunch is the story of three women each struggling to come to terms with life and its many trials and tribulations. These include the death of a husband, the decline of a partner's love, and the delicate balancing act of a job, a family and a non-English speaking au pai r . It promises to draw you into a web of frustrated emotions and thwarted ambitions, an exploration of human relationships and interactions. In short it should be a fulfilling way to spend a Wednesday lunchtime and is worthy of both your attention and attendance. And it won't cost you more than the very reasonable sum of 拢4 which, with your recent receipt of a student loan, isn't much. Katharine Clemow

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18 Albums

Buck 65 Talkln' Honky Blues

The Event might n o t have been able to corner them for an interview, but here's the l owdown ...

He doesn't smoke, he doesn't drink and he even s topped swearing a few albums back, so Buck 65 has to rely on his music to perpetuate his reputation as one of the most talented hip hop artists on the planet. Refreshing. Last year's excellent, critically-acclaimed major label debut, Square, flew in the face of doubters with four largely instrumental tracks of ambient left-field that clocked in at just under an hour. That Talkin' Honky Blues is another unexpected musical metamorphosis, involving a number of typically un-hiphop instruments, is little surprise. Across his seven solo albums, the biggest recurring theme appears to be a desire to push back boundaries. Tinkling ivories and some subtle string work reflect time spent soaking up European culture from the Parisian apartment he rented for the bulk of Talkin's composition. The decidedly more digestible 17 separate tracks on offer here have led to him commonly being tagged a 'beatnik rapper' due to their morose, considered tone, but that doesn't come close to describing what a genuinely exciting, engrossing piece of art this is.

The Riverbed series, presented in parts 1 to 7 and inspired by the Seine, provides a strong backbone from which he can shoot off at various, eccentric tangents. 436 charts the fading of childhood innocence over carefullylayered loops of 'organically' recorded guitar and drum parts, whilst Wicked and Weird appears early on as an obvious first single and aptly describes his various flights of fancy- its fuzzy groove dissects a gonzo road trip with oddball observations to spare. Any diehards who remember a cocky young Buck boasting that he'd "got a dozen styles of rhyming, and keeps another dozen hidden." will agree that, while he's undoubtedly shed the ego, the statement was nothing short of prophetic. The bar just got raised. Again.

Alistair Lawrence

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Doves

What is Anticon? Ostensibly an Oakland-based independent hip-hop label, Anticon was formed by a group of underground rappers and producers from across the US who relocated to California together in the late 90s. Comprised of 8 principle members, they also enlist the help of various 'collaborating cousins' to ensure both the label's back catalogue and current roster are packed with a number of weird, wonderful and diverse artists . Has anyone else noticed that they're all white? . . . or that people have a tendency to pigeonhole them as an 'interne! phenomenon'? In a word: yes. However, if you can get past their skin colour and the fact core Anticon members such as Sole, Alias and Odd Nodsam regularly correspond/straighten out their fans/ detractors on the message board on their official site (www.anticon.com), you can concentrate on what they're really about.

Lost Sides Some should have remained lost. Mediocre and a little bit confused; lop-sided and deformed- as if Doves had been transported by Jell Goldblum in The F7y. This album may well be a bit of a joke. There are a number of clues- Break Me GenUy (incidental) is one. 'Ho, ho, ho' one might chuckle, it is indeed merely a re-mixed incidental instrumental leading, abruptly, into the rather better, more interesting, but slightly too long and weakly concluded, Darker. The middle phase of the jape are the decidedly uninteresting, limp and lazy tracks four and five: Meet Me At The Pier and Down To Sea- an ill-advised, tedious remix of i.J:lst Souls' Sea Song. Qunch is sub-Chemical Brothers, the aimless Zither sounds like a slightly macabre seaside merry-go-round Valley could be a lacklustre ode to Wales- 'it's a great day in the valley' apparently (or that's what it sounds like) and Northenden is a slightly comic, badly-drawn Badly Drawn Boy track. All leads to the punch-line .. . Far From Grace which this all, in fact, is. The joke is ultimately on

the buyer and Doves may end up laughing. A little harsh maybe, but there is a reason why these have all

already been released as B-sides. They are not su.fliciently good on their own and don't really work together here. It's a little like listening to air leak out of a ballooiL Big Doves fans will like the collection purely by virtue of being big Doves fans, there is little point to the purchase otherwise. There's the odd high-point and it might, 路 just might, grow on yoiL But it's probably best not to let it -like piles . A cynical marketing ploy that deserves a supercilious sneer. Nathan "the meanie" Dixon

Which is? Their music, retaining their indepe ndence, pissing off hiphop purists ...

Jamelia

The last one sounds the most interesting.

Thank You

Technically it's not, but they have had some noteworthy dustups. Def Jux label founder and former Company Flow mainman El-P- every bit as ginger as Anticon "CEO" Sole, for the record - clearly felt that his classy 'Independent As Fuck' slogan was under threat and levelled a number of disses at the group . Anticon's Alias promptly responded with his intemet-only 'Independent As Fuck Classes For Women' skit. They have yet to kiss and make up, strangely enough. Is it safe to mention the 'E' word? Only to say that Alias long-since served Eminem in a battle 'back in the day'. Collectively, Anticon have managed something of a coup: the likes of why? and Sage Francis are all heavyweight battle emcees who, along with the rest of the Anticon roster, have evolved their sound light-years beyond the trite showmanship of battles.

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WellJamelia is certainly back. Yes, you may well be forgiven for saying 'who?', but you must remember that song Money which took the then 17 year old British RnB star into the top 5 in 1999. Her second album Thank You is sure to succeed where her debut album unfortunately flopped, and it shows she hasn't lost her fire . Jamelia's new style is more commercial than previous attempts, meaning the catchy tunes will appeal to pop fans and give her more chart success. Despite her fresh look, her work is remincisent of other prominent artists. Dirty Dirty, is just a little too like Miss Aquilera, she's certainly been influenced by Beyonce's lyrics, and there's a bit of Missy Elliot in there too. On first listening it's nothing special, and certain songs such as Cutie grate on you so much that you can't listen for more than a second- 'cutie cutie' screeched at you like a baby

wound up fast on a dictaphone is not attractive. But to be fair on second and third attempts, scmgs like Taxi suddenly become catchy and you'll find yourself singing along, and putting it on as good background music as you get ready to go out. Her single in the charts now, Superstar is definitely a hit in its own right. The sassy singer, who recently supported Justin Timberlake's tour, should be aiming for more songs like this with an irritable beat, and less songs like B./. T.C.H, a rather old theme on the RnB scene; yes Jamelia we know you're a 'beautiful, intelligent, talented cool honey' but you don't need to sing about it.

Rebecca Lawrence

That all sounds a bit pretentious. Well, it depends whether you want your hip-hop erudite, introspective and witty ...

Silence Is Easy

Or? "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up/ Please stand up/Please stand up/Yo kids , take drugs and swear/Why hasn't any one twigged that I'm a manufactured rebel yet?/Dr Dre's producing this- he's so cool...>> Point taken . But why is Anticon suddenly important? Sole's 'Bottle of Humans' solo debut, a cult classic, is set for a re-issue on 6th October. The first time around it generated a suitable b uzz amongst those 'in the know', raised Anticon's profile and saw his sharp wit and sharper tongue cut down the absurdities of cliched hip-hop posturing . Now it's a second chance to catch some classic Anticon before someone at M'I'V2 decides they deserve to end ure Zane Lowe's '!'m-coolme' starfucker act. So , worth a look?

What's The Story? (Morning Glory) Starsailor's second album will do little to alter the opinion

of anybody who sees the bands as writers of lovingly crafted but unerringly bland heart guitar anthems. Apart from the notably raised production values, Silence Is Easy sways and glides along forgotten bonus track from 2001's Love Is Here. In accordance with the large injections of record label cash-money, there are string sections and layered backing vocals scattered liberally, but even the troubled Phil

Before anyone asks: The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

More like 'off the hook'.

Alistair La wrence

THE EVENT 24.09.03

Are Starsailor pushing light melodic soft-rock a bridge too far? Silence Is Easy comes hot on the trails of likewise sublimely palatable albums from Longview, Elbow, and the rest of the fall-out from Coldplay's eerie ascentto being the world's most loved band; now more than ever with so little space between such bands, it feels like the race is on to deliver this decade's

Ratings:

Animal

Spector's much publicised production on two of the album's -tracks can't steer the listener away fromJames Walsh's trademark soaring vocal. More so than with Chris Martin, it is this instantly recognisable voice which truly decides whether Starsailor stand or fall. While many of these tracks are arguably otherwise pedestriam, Walsh's delicate app roach to them the quivering soul of his voice, helps raise them one notch above being simply average. A perfectly fine album if he turns you on, a slightly unfulfilling fumble if not.

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Singles 19

Single· Choice Super Furry Animals

Kelis Milkshake "It's a banger innit?" Yes my Burberry capped friend, this is indeed a choon of nut-busting proportions. As with all good groove blowouts, the louder this goes the more it urges you like a crack addict to a spoon to tuck up your cabbage patch. Etc. Another triple-platinum single from Pharell Williams' hit factory, another career-troubled singer boosting her career. off the back of pop's biggest player. Still, the beauty of Pharell's success is in more than just body-popping in I Timberlake videos and trips down the Mecca with Jay-Z. It lies in his ability to make beat-driven, funky, and, more importantly, evolving music . .Milkshake stands as a truly great club track with universal appeal, almost as good as Timbaland's head-spinning production on Missy Elliot's Get UR Freak On or Work It. A meeting of electroclash and Kelis' distilled sassy street snarl work brilliantly to promote the general grinding of bodies between both man and woman upon the danceflo~r. and Amen to that. Over exposure is bound to burst the Neptunes bubble sooner or later, but it's fresh, funky and fun while it lasts. A strong single for Kelis, another coupe de grace for Pharell.

Matt "The Money" Sargeson

The Donnas

The Coral

Winner of the most appropriate song title of the week goes to Super Furry Animals , who · have suddenly become the Welsh Beach Boys and written their most joyous song since For Now and Ever from the Fuzzy Logic album. Oozing the kind of understated charm that Jason Pierce has never quite mastered, Hello Sunshine radiates secular gospel for the drug-addled or simply high on life . The plaintive lyric "I'm a minion/you're a minion too .. ./We have reason left to smile " is a mantra for an optimist with little left to lose . Triumph over adversity has never sounded so appealing.

Sarah Edwardes

The Mars Volta Catchy little title , eh? It seems that, ever since erstwhile At The Drive-In duo Cedric Bixler and Omar Rodriguez put down their one-anned scissors•and walked away from the trappings of fame, they've been hell-bent on trying Something Different. The Mars Volta are exactly that. A becoming mix of squalling guitars, Bixler's yelped vocals and the next evolutionary step forward in ATD-I's slow-fast, stop-start dynamics, lnertiatic ESP is where 'classic' -era Santana, prog and post hardcore meet. It should pack the dance floors in rock clubs and turn up the buzz around these two creative, inventive souls.

./Uistair Lawrence

Too Bad About Your Girl "Motherlovers love this Secret Kiss shit ja" is probably Sean Paul's opinion of this new Coral joint, and for once he, I, maybe you (?) should agree. Merseybeat continued to wow the festival crowds over the Summer, and the Coral will probably do what the Specials did for ska, leave us with some great gems of genre-defining singles and then scally off back to mistreating donkeys on motorway reservations. Lush and mysterious, 'Secret Kiss' is a wierd eccentric Autwnn romance, a worthy addition to any lovelorn new romance mix-tape, and, thankfully, also a tune that can sit after The Monster Mash without sounding gayer than topaz. Moolah Sargeson

Sounding like Kenickie's older and more worldly-wise sisters, The Donnas are the kind of band who, according to new single Too Bad About Your Girl, 'wanna have some fun' . Unfortunately, 'fun' is little in evidence on this latest offering from Spend the Night, their fifth album. Crashing powerchords and feisty vocals do little to disguise what is tlssentially a pedestrian three minutes of guitar-driven pop, and the faux feminist message irritates on the third or fourth play. Nevertheless, this is enjoyable enough for anyone still mourning the loss of Elastica, and The Donnas' enthusiasm is too infectious for Too Sarah Edwardes Bad ... to be truly awful.

Ways to play guitar: Turin Brakes and Mars Volta

Stellastarr* Taken from the forthcoming debut album Advance Music, jenny is a catchy single with a guitar riff reminiscent of a cross between The Pixies and Idlewild. If you like those two, then this is for you. Stellarstarr* are equally cursed and blessed (to borrow from Catatonia) in that respect, as they suffer from the inevitable comparisons. There are many people who would choose to listen to the original, but stick with it ... jenny is a grower and promises greater things to come. Stellastarr* are definitely ones to watch out for in the next few months.

Suz:anne Rodger

Turin Brakes Depending on your taste for the delicacies of pastoral folk music, 5 Mile is either the perfect record for a leafy autwnn evening or a black hole of acoustic melancholy. The shimmering harmonies and fragile guitars of Turin Brakes' irresistible previous single Painkiller are still in place here, but somehow 5 Mile seems to fall short of the duo's earlier achievements. Perhaps it is simply that their introspective musings sound unfashionably serious when compared with the all-out rock posturing of current favourites The Darkness. Or perhaps 5 Mile's anaemic misery is (whisper it) just not that good.

Sarah Edwardes

Read Yellow My CD player has no 'repeat' button, but the frequent trips to 'play' were value-tantric on Read Yellow's self-titled EP. A concret-mixer blend of Sonic Youth and Jet, Read Yellow skilfully mix garage-ready riffs with a ferocious post-hardcore. Opener Read Yellowexploits this fine art to perfection verging from one extreme to the other, with Fashion Fatale following closely behind, a blues blow-out drenched in cheap Mexican beer. Static hits good with a waif chorus frequently shredded with vocal and guitar yelpings while The Association makes a grab for Fugazi's similarly deceptively heavy but melodic artillery. A decent head-up for ones to watch. Word.

Monkey Sargeson

24.09.03

20 TV /Radio/lnteracti

Cyberspace Oddities "Goosey goosey gander, where shall I wander? Upstairs and downstairs and in my lady\rquote s chamber. There I met an old man who wouldn 'I say his prayers So I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs. 路路 Those of you eager to recreate this ageold feat of religious intolerance should head to: h.!.!R.=//jet.ro/ disrnount/ and download Porrasturvat, or Stair Dismount. Its hero has, once again, saved the city from evildoers, causing a substantial amount of damage in the

process. To claim the costs back from his health insurance, he must prove he sustained significant injuries battling the forces of evil. This is where you come in. The protagonist stands obligingly at the top of a long flight of stairs. You select a body part, choose the power and trajectory of your blow and whack him one. The more badly he gets injured in the resultant tumble , the more points you score. Head and neck injuries are particularly lucrative. His descent is replete with lifelike cracks and groans, and you can watch the replay from a variety of angles. High scores can be submitted online, so Disrnounters round the world can know just

how amazing you are at flinging people down steps. Car crashes are famed for their dark allure and ability to capture the attention while repulsing the senses, but until now, the one thing non-fatal road traffic accidents involving heavy-goods vehicles have never been associated with is fun. But uh-oh! What' s this? The sequel to Stajr Dismount, Rekkaturvat (or Truck Dismount) administers a much-needed injection of Social Darwinism into the exposed and reddened buttock of novelty gaming, inviting you to help the temporarily able-bodied hero of Stair Dismount drive a truck into a wall and score oodles of painrelated points in the process. The realistic physics and feeling of Godlike control

prove to be a heady and intoxicating blend that has you waiting outside warehouses, willing delivery lorries to crash for weeks afterwards. If such wanton acts of cruelty have whetted your appetite for games in questionable taste, then it would be just as well to visit ht\p:/ /www .newarounds.corn something of a nexus for all things Flash. Along with a copyright-infringing cornucopia of parodies and celebrity shooting galleries, there is an almost inexhaustible supply of hornernade blast-ernups and adventure games. Being free , a lot of the games and films are complete crap (particularly pathetic efforts are awarded Turd of the Week), but fortunately everything is categorised and rated, so you don't have to sift through the dross to enjoy the work of those many talented Flash artists out there. With names like Gunny Bunny, Pimp 's Quest and Samurai Asshole, the site is custom-made for people with low entertainment thresholds and too much time on their hands. Oh. That'd be us, then.

Essential Radio Dark House, Radio 4, Tuesday 23rd September, 1.1pm As if furthe r proof were needed that the insidious influence of Pop Idol knows no bounds, it appears that even the cardigan-wearing, Guardian-reading oldies at Radio 4 have jumped upon the interactive bandwagon. This, contrary to first impressions, may not be such a bad thing, for Radio 4's new interactive show involves not a whiff of cheesy Celine Dion covers or over-enthusiastic David Sneddon wannabes. Instead, Dark House is a drama with a twist. It was written by award-winning playwright Mike Walker, who promises that his creation will be a nightmarish 'drama of complicity', driving the audience into terrifying scenarios entirely of their own choosing. The listener follows the tale of three characters, Lucy, Kelly and Jirn, who are trapped in a haunted house. There will be twelve opportunities for the perspective to change during the broadcast, according to which character's side of the story is favoured by the majority of the audience . Votes are collected via telephone and text message throughout the 45 minute transmission, allowing the listeners to decide which version of the chilling tale will be told. Consider it a bit like the 'choose your destiny' A-Team comics that came free with packets of cereal in the 80s. Add to that some eerily authentic 'binaural' stereo sound, and Dark House looks set to be more than simply an interesting publicity project for the BBC. While it is definitely worth tuning in for, perhaps it would be best to listen with the lights on. Sarah Edwardes

At the LCR/UEA Sunday October 19th 8pm Tickets 拢10 in advance and 拢11.50 on the door Tickets from The Union Box Office - 01603-508050 Or Maddermarket Theatre 01603-620917 www. ueaticketbooki ngs. co. uk

Radio Four Listeners? 24.09.03

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Essential TV Films: Arnold Schwarzenegger may have decided to quite the movie business to be a senator but the memory of his celebrity lives on this Saturday night with "The Running Man" (9prn Channel 5). This trashy movie classic takes you back to the heyday of Arnold 's career whilst reminding you of the 80's action movies that make up the majority of his films . Set in 2019 , reality TV has got totally out of control; convicts are forced to fight to the death against assassins (imagine the old TV show " Gladiators" but with guns). Arnold plays the fastest , strongest man in LA who is framed for a murder by the military; ruthless television execs then join the conspiracy so he can take part in the show and boost ratings. Jessica Fletcher makes her move to the big( ish) screen in a feature length episode of " Murder She Wrote: South by Southwest" (Saturday 4th October 3prn) . This time Jessica gets caught up in a tale of espionage, intrigue, and stolen government secrets aboard a train. All you daytime TV fans out there this is one not to miss. Also next Saturday the classic Oscar winning sci-fi movie "Logan's Run" is showing on Channel4 .at 3:50pm. Society is peacefully idyllic with one slight problem: people are terminated once they reach thirty. Logan (Michael Anderson) is a 'Sandman' . one of the elite police force whose job is to hunt down and capture all those who try to run from their rather nasty birthday present. As Logan approaches his thirtieth he begins to doubt the system and decides to escape into the wasteland that lies outside this brave new world. This is a classic slice of seventies sci-fi. One to defiantly avoid this week is " Gone in Sixty Seconds" (Wednesday 24th September 9prn) . It is a simple fact that this movie stinks like week old road kill. The 1974 version was enjoyable , to a point, but the 2000 remake really isn't anything that should be seen voluntarily. If you're into brain-dead car chases, a stupid plot and Vinny Jones then you'll love this movie. Paul Wade

Essential TV:

A fine comedy quiz show with the emphasis squarely on the former. lt is It's no secret that of all the things that count, taking part probably isn' t one of them. The exception that proves the rule is comedy panel ga mes . The questions are there to stimulate gags and anyone who disagrees doesn't get ~y laughs. Never, however, has this been taken quite as far as in BBC 2's new series, Q .I. Officially the letters stand for Quite Interesting, but this does the show an injustice. What the format actually consists of is a barrage of first-rate pub trivia being paraded in front four panelists with impeccable comic credentials by quiz-master Stephen Fry. Fry, whose presence suggests the cunningly hidden anagram in the title wasn't accidental, subsequently awards points depending on how interesting, quick or amusing the responses are. Not that correct answers to the occasional questions are discouraged, just that no one seems to mind either way. The effect is of a highlights compilation of a really good televised dinner party, made all the better because Ruby Wax is, so far , nowhere to been seen. Indeed, whoever is picking the guests (or 'employees' as Fry would prefer) really deserves a lot of the credit, as the mix between comic styles works perfectly. Take episode one for example: on the left, Alan Davies and Danny Baker, on the right, Hugh Laurie and John Sessions. None are particularly fashionable at the moment (an understatement in Baker's case) but they're all witty and, unlike Ricky Gervais away from the Office or an un-scripted Chris Morris, they're an路consistently

quite interesting. Just as Sessions ' jokes on the life and work of Carravaggio were starting to wear a b it thin (his party trick of knowing when every major artistic figure was born and died also seemed to have limited appeal), Davies stepped in at precisely the right moment with an amusing anecdote about a land lord with a nine-inch tongue who could breath through his ears (apparently it's an old one) that got the biggest laugh of the show. This ping-pong between high and low comedy is neatly encapsulated within the host himself, who thinks nothing of succeeding Latin quotations with embarrassingly smutty puns. The only obvious criticism is that the few quiz-show conventions that are retained, like rounds and buzzers, leave less time for gags and facts. Essentially, Q .I. is an example of that rare breed of television: programming that makes you feel better about yourself for having watched it. It may be unique at the present time because it does this while making you laugh. Never thought finding out Earth had two moons (the second was discovered in 1997) could be funny? Then search for some-路 one who taped episode two so that Rich Hall can prove otherwise. After possibly the worst swruner of television ever (although this accolade may be an equal tie with every other swruner for the past 50 years) , Q .I. could be the first evidence that we've made it to the other side. ]im Whalley

Missed This? Good. BBC1: Fifty things to do Before You Die be doing than watching television. Death is the tap on the shoulder that makes you wish you'd finished that pack of bourbons while you still had the chance. Sensing perhaps that we are now living in the cornet, asteroid and galaxy targeted Last Days of Mankind, the Beeb cheerily decided to compile a definitive list of SO Things to Do Before You Die (BBC 1, Wednesday 17th, 8:00pm) . Twitch spastically, froth at the mouth and stop breathing failed to make the cut. Exciting and contentious though the premise sounded, it was in fact an excuse to make a very pedestrian travel show. Terminally ill and stuck for holiday ideas? You need look no further .. .

Over 20,000 viewers wrote in with their top tips for wiling away those ... precious final moments. Over 20,000 viewers wrote in with their top tips for wiling away those oh-so-precious final moments, appearing in the corner of the screen alongside b-list celebs to justify their choices. Having traveled 7,500 miles to an orangutan sanctuary in Borneo, one housewife enthused that it was 'just like watching a group of children playing', which, to be fair, might be true if, like her, you're from Rotherharn. Another man earnestly explained how the Incredible Hulk rollercoaster at Universal Studios in Orlando was better than sex. Svelte, coquettish presenter Gabby Logan agreed, seizing the opportunity to make eyes at the camera and tickle her audience with innuendo. 'This is the most fun you can have

with lots of clothes on', she teased while husky-sledding in Finland. As it turned out, Gabby seemed remarkably easy to please. Every suggestion, no matter how crap, and every facile , nonsensical comment was met with a welter of unmitigated grinning. Some viewers even sent in videotapes. Inexplicably, these were not of the activities themselves, but amateur talking heads pieces, with lots of long pauses and beige wallpaper. Number 39 in the list was glacier hiking. It reminds you, said PC Mike Curtis, with all the charisma of an unshaven bollock, that everything is big, and it changes. It looks like a sack with legs, one intrepid mountaineer tastefully observed, as sherpas, loaded up like packmules, lugged westerners luggage for over a week. Either the BBC excised all the good suggestions, or we are a nation of resolutely boring sods. It truly is the magic kingdom said a viewer who believed that Disney World, Florida was the one location on Earth we all should visit before snuffing it. I hope she died happy. While some of these experiences are probably quite enjoyable, it seemed as if many of the respondents struggled with the concept of death. What about falling in love? Having kids? Making peace with your enemies? Having sex with Gabby Logan? (given the increasing frequency of bikini shots during the final countdown, it's quite possible viewers were genuinely led to believe this might have made the number one spot) . However, with all the grim predictability of the Middle East peace process, the topperrnost of the popperrnost turned out to be ... sigh .. . swimming with dolphins. Incredibly, Gabby loved it.

24.09.03

22 Listings

All films start at 8.30 pm and are shown in Lecture Theatre l unless o therwise stated. Tickets £2.75 Igby Goes Down Tues 23/ 9 A sinister satirical examination of teenage rebellion starring Kieran C aulkin Frida Thurs 25 / 9 Julie Taymor film starring Salma Hayek as a m e xican fi e rcly independent crippled artist Jackas s The Movie Fri 26/ 9 Big screen version of the 2 year MTV series , with the usual juve nile and dangerous stunts Matrix Re-loaded Tues 30 / 9 Follow up to the Ma trix with e ven more amazing graphics, a nd special effects Bowling fo r Colombine Thurs 2/ 10 Michael Moor e documentary about gun violence in America F ight Club Fri 3/ 10 Base d o n the nove l by C huck Palahnuik, a group of men start an unde rground fighting club, starring Brad Pill

he complains about his life, and problems with his girlfriend, play ed by Jennife r Anniston Underworld Vampires are b ack but this time with guns , starring Kate Beckinsale in a new horror thriller The I t alian Job Remake o f the 1969 classic, dealin g with the aftermath set in LA, starring Mark W ahlberg American Pie: The Weddi ng Yes the apple pie boy is back, and this time he's marrying Michelle, with hilarious consequences involving Stiffler and Michelle ' s sister Calender Girls Based on a true story, a group of Wl women drop everything to produce a nude charity calender Jee p e r s Creepers 2 Judging by the first Jeepe rs Creep e rs film , this is more of a comedy than a horror , as the fle sh eating beast is b ack to terrorize m ore high school students Blacltball British come dy ab out lawn b ow ling Le D ivorce Ka te Hudson and Naomi Watts star in the first Mercha nt Ivory film se t in the present on mode rn day re lationships and the like

Sin Eater A young priest uncoveres evil as he is se nt to investigate the circumstances of the death of the head of a religious order , and finds himself at the centre of the ordeal

Bruce Almighty Tues 7/ 10 Jim C arrey ge ts to p lay G od after

Underworld Le Divorce

Spirite d Away Influenced by Alice in W onderland the Japenese animation sees 10y ear old C hihiro enter a s p irit world, wh ere her p arents are p igs

American P ie 3: The Weddi ng

Spy Kids 3D game over

Camp W atch talented kids at summer camp . Directed by Todd Graff

The 3rd spy kids m ovie means you get a pair of 3D glasses when you watch it Tears of the Sun Bruce W illis starts in this action thriller set in Nigeria

Calender Girls

Citizen Verdict In the latest reality TV show, a real crininmal case is tried before Americans and filmed

Jake Vig is a m a ste r conma n read y to ave nge his fri e n d 's murder .

Lizzie Mcquire M ovie W alt Disney fi lm wh ere Lizzie is mistaken fo r a famous pop star in Italy

Fredd ie Vs Jaso n Nightmare-based slasher Freddy Krueger sends Jason Voorhees up fr om h ell to haun t the Elm Street Kids

Tombra id er 2 La ra Croft (Ange lina Jo lie) face s numerous dangers and b a ttle s a g ain

Ho llywoo d Homicid e Action com edy starring Harriso n Ford and Josh Hartnett as LA homicid e de tective s

Rugrats Go Wild In the ir second big sc reen a dventure the to ts get stranded o n a deserted island

Jeeper s Creepers 2 Tomb raide r 2 Le gally Blonde 2 The blonde is b a ck!Elle Woods is juggling her career and w e dding plans

Be lleville rendez-vous (1 9/ 09-2/ 10) Virtually dialogue-free french animation telling the life of Champion, a lonely orphan, living with his grandmother.

Piglet' s Big Movie Pirates of the Caribbean Rugrats go Wild Sin Eater

Swirnrning Pool ( 12/ 9- 25/ 9) Director Francois O zen's next film after 8 women tells the story of a mystery thriller writer who holid ays with her pub lisher Whale Ride r (22/ 9-25/ 9) Set in a small New Zealand village , the Maori tribe fight to fulfil! their destiny . A story of love and rejection

24 .09 .03

Halliwell in the main room. £11.50/ £7 Motorhead and the Wildhearts Sun 5110 Big heavy metal b and c ombine d with hard music of Wildhearts with the odd Irish folk tune £19.50

Blackball

Confidence Terminator 3 Arnold Schwarzenegger undertakes a nother load of a ction in the 3rd Te rminat or film

P i gle ts Big Movie G o back to you childhood, and watch Piglet star as he runs away on his own adventures Pirates of the Caribbean A star cast of Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp a n d Keira Knightly in this roller coaster pira te tale , involving the infamous Black Pearl

Italian Job

Spi r ited Away

DJ Lange and Pulser pumping out tunes for discerning club connoisse urs £9 .95/ £7 Star Sailor Wed 1/ 10 Indie Band so huge they 've already sold out Pams House Sa t 4/ 10 Look out for lary clothes and Eddie

Kosheen For drum a n d base fans, the trio will be b lasting out from the LCR D e ad men walking Thurs 25/ 9

The five members perform familiar songs in a new and dramati c rock and roll style . £1 2 R a w k us Live 20 Fri 26 / 9 Rockin ' punky tunes featuring 4 local bands : The Blea ds , One Stop Earnest, O nSlow and Growing Fruitcake £5 I Am Kloot Mon 29/ 9 To ur suppo rt to Turin Blakes e arlie r this year hit the Waterfront this month The Wannodies a nd Mommy and Daddy Tue s 30/ 9 Swe edish Indie Pop quintet with support from punky mornmy and daddy £8 The Beat Thurs 2/ 10 After 20 years , most of the original band are touring again singing songs like 'te ars of a clown' and 'mirror in the b athroom .' £8.50 Capdown and Douglas and Adequate 7 Mo n 6110 Returning to Norwich with their rocking guitars £7 .50 Frank Black and The Catholics and Sera fin Tues 7110 Promoting their new LP 'Show me your tears' along with songs from their archive material £10 Mooncoin and support Tues 23/ 9 8pm

Mooncoin' s repetoire is influenced by many folk traditions from Ireland across Eastern Europe £5/ 4

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Listings

Clubs Clubs I

dance in the Hive. Not to be missed by any Fresher £3 Light Bar Chart, dance and RnB from 10pm2am. Free before 10.30pm, £2 after

UEALCR Skool daze disco:Get out your old kit and party along in a a Grange Hill theme LCR and meet the former deputy head Mr Bronsan £3

Time Student night of cheesy anthems through the decades £3 with NUS card

Wednesday UEALCR Globe Trottin' world music and international night in the Union. Party to funked up world wide music 9pm till late £3

The Loft Resident DJs hip, hop, happenin Gay night

UEA.LCR The one and only Freshers LCR Disco- resident DJ in the LCR with top chart hits, and RnB, Hiphop and

Liquid Funky Jam Carwash-70s, 80s, 90s music with RnB playing in the

upstairs room Students £2 all night

ARTS 1heatre Royal

Liquid

Party away with the hits of the 80s Students £2 all night with NUS card Light Bar Classic RnB tunes all night. £4

UEALCR Freshers Ball 2003- Highlight of freshers week. Begins at 8pm with drinks reception in the Hive. Lots of entertainment, including Big Brovaz,Nexus, Dodgems, Inflatable Games, and side stalls.

Ikon Student night up in Tombland with classic hits from 70s, 80s and 90s. £2 before llpm, £3 after

the funk and classic grooves Free Entry. 8pm-12.30pm

Brannigans DJ Paul Alien plays anthems and classic hits. Entry free

Po Na Na Fancy a pre-liquid drink? Go and get 2 for 1 cocktails, and listen to

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Romeo and Juilet Tuesday 23/9- Saturday 2719 2.30pm and 7.30pm The critically acclaimed and multiaward winning English Touring company are performing the best loved Shakespearean tragedy. They made their debut in Norwich last year with Shakespeare's King Lear. £17.00 At The Hop

Sunday 28/9 7.30pm Take a trip back to the days when rock and roll was young .. Buddy Holly, Elvis, Little Richard and Jerry Lee and revisit all the music and musicians

Chill 'em out jazz Cafe 8pm in the Hive. Relax to the sounds of a jazz band and listen to performance poetry, and why not have a go yourself? £3

Top: Starsailor, Above: Spirited Away

(on advance tickets only from the Union's box office)

Thu 25 Sept

DEAD MEN WALKING

Man 29 Sept

t12

Fri 26 Sept ABSOLUTION hardhouse club t6 RAWKUS LIVE 4 band showcase ts Sat 27 Sept MEL TDOWN indie club t3. so

AM KLOOT

Tue 30 Sept

THE WANNADIES

Thu 2 Oct THE BEAT two tone t8.so 9 Oct CLUB TOUR f7

•• ( Fri 3 Sat 4 Mon 6 Tue 7 Fri10

Oct Oct Oct Oct Oct

80's NIGHT nostalgia club f3.50 MELTDOWN indie night t3-50 CAPDOWN t7. so FRANK BLACK & THE CATHOLICS f10 RUMBLE drum'n'bass f11

Fri 17 t3-50 Wed 22 Tue 28 Wed 29

Oct

NIGHT FEVER disco classics

oct oct Oct

THE PROCLAIMERS t12.so ELECTRIC SOFT PARADE t9 THE RAVEONETTES t7.so

Also on sale VOODOO GLOW SKULLS + King Prawn, COOPER TEMPLE CLAUSE, SELECTER, WHOLE LOTTA LED, DR FEELGOOD, THERAPY, GRANDADDV, LINDISFARNE, WALTER TROUT, JET

Ticket prices are in advance, always more on door. Please bring your campus card to claim student discount. Live events _ usually run from 7.30-11pm.

THE WATERFRONT 139 King Street, Norwich City Centre (5 mins from Prince of Wales Road/Railway Station/Riverside) Tel: 01603 632717 Box Office: 01603 50-80-50 www.ueaticketbookings-co.uk 24.09.03

TH E

E V E NT

Also Coming Soon: Dan Antopolski ~londu)

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lJEA Low lure Tlwulro' I, llpm, £I 0/5 ~l nth Jinuny Carr ' 'londn) ltl. Uo'<'<'mlu•r lE.\ L<'ellU"<' Tl.t>alr .. I, llpm,

£10/.'> Sl ""'