Parenting Column: Clean House

By Meagan Ruffing Parenting Journalist Meagan Ruffing has already started cleaning out closets and getting things ready to toss, donate, and sell. She’s looking forward to less stuff and more time with her children this spring.

APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS AND A CLEAN HOUSE!

Winter is my favorite time of the year, but I have to say, springtime is coming in at a close second. Cleaning has always been something I’ve enjoyed doing, and there’s something about open windows with the fresh air that puts me in the mood to clean.

I yell, “Alexa! Turn on country music,” and she knows exactly what I like. I grab the broom and get to it. Before I know it, I’m in full swing and the house is well under way for a deep clean. To make the idea of spring cleaning more enjoyable for those who might not be as excited as I am, I’ve come up with a few unique ways to keep things fun.

1. Get the kids to help.

I realize this might ADD to the mess, but it’s a good way to get the kids to pitch in and realize the importance of doing their share. Make it a weekly thing and consider giving them an allowance. Sometimes a small incentive means a big life lesson and isn’t that part of what raising kids is all about?

2. Put on comfy clothes.

You know which ones I’m talking about. The clothes that you love to put on but can’t stand for anyone else to see you in —Yeah, those ones. Put them on. Throw your hair up in a messy bun and get to it. I always treat myself to a warm bubble bath or a long shower after a full day of cleaning. Sometimes I’ll even add in a facemask or bath bomb if I have the energy.

3. Light a yummy candle.

I’m in LOVE with a candle right now that a friend gifted me. It’s called Paris Café, and it smells like coffee. Every time I walk into the living room from another room in the house, I’m immediately met with roasted coffee beans with a hint of something sweet. I absolutely love it.

4. Hydrate. No, seriously.

You’d be amazed at how thirsty you can get while cleaning the house. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what I’m doing that I haven’t realized several hours have passed by. Whatever your choice of beverage is, keep it close by so you can keep the momentum going. I like to start my morning off with coffee, move to water, and then sip on a La Croix. I have quite the routine.

5. Call a friend or family member.

Between working full-time and being a full-time graduate student, I don’t have much time to call people like I used to. One of my favorite things about getting into my cleaning routine is being able to call someone and catch up. I consider it to be one of my best self-care practices.

6. Put out a new dish towel.

Did you know that I always used to take my grandmother’s dish towels when I’d go to visit her? I’d sneak them in my bag because I loved the way they smelled just like her house. Ever since then, I’ve continued the tradition of buying myself new dish towels when I see one that catches my eye. I also gift them to my friends from time to time because I love the special meaning they hold for me. It’s my unique way of letting my friends know that I love them like family. Whenever I’m cleaning, I like to put out a freshly washed dish towel or a new one that I’m excited about using.

7. Nap.

Perhaps my favorite thing about cleaning the house is the nap I take afterward. I’m usually exhausted after having cleaned from the moment I woke up until late afternoon so a long nap is well-deserved.

I hope you welcome this year’s April showers and May flowers with a renewed sense of excitement for beautiful weather and a clean house. There’s nothing better than getting things tidied up for the season.

“We knew something wasn’t right Autism when she ran away from her kindergarten class during recess, especially when she kept doing it,” my friend Christy explained over the phone. Her daughter, Lilly, was only five-years-old and had seemed to be an average child developing at a normal rate. But the introduc-Acceptance tion of a formal classroom highlighted

Month challenges that Lilly was facing. What Christy didn’t know during that phone call was that a year later her daughter would be diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and that Lilly was on the Autism spectrum.Autism Speaks The month of April is recognized as For more information “Autism Acceptance Month” by the AuAutismSpeaks.org tism Society. The society began their efFacebook.com/autismspeaks forts on autism awareness in 1970. Over the decades, their goal through Autism Acceptance Month has been “to build a better awareness of the signs, symptoms, and realities of autism, and provide information and resources for communities to be more aware of autism, promote acceptance, and be more inclusive in everyday life.”

Autism Spectrum Disorder is very much a spectrum.

There are people, young and old, living with ASD across all levels of the spectrum.

Before Christy’s phone call, I’d never known anyone with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). My only exposure had been through films such as Rain Man or Temple Grandin and hearing stories of families who had an autistic child and the challenges they faced. Through Christy and Lilly’s experience and those of others in our community, I’ve seen glimpses of what life is like for a person living with ASD.

The Autism Society describes autism as “a complex, lifelong developmental disability that typically appears during early childhood and can impact a person’s social skills, communication, relationships, and self-regulation. Autism is defined by a certain set of behaviors and is a ‘spectrum condition’ that affects people differently and to varying degrees.”

Because autism is a spectrum disorder, the symptoms can range widely for each person diagnosed with ASD. For a local family, their 16-year-old son Alexz lives on a level of the spectrum where ASD interferes with nearly all of his daily activities. Alexz’s mother Brandi, said, “Alexz was diagnosed with ‘Severe Non-Verbal Regressive Autism Level 3 with Intellectual Delay in less than five minutes at his first specialist’s appointment when he was two and a half years old.”

After receiving the diagnosis, Brandi said that she and Alexz’s father were devastated.

“We were young, new parents. We just knew this was somehow our fault and would lay awake asking each other if we did something wrong.” From stories other families shared with me, this is a common reaction, that the parents did something wrong. The Autism Society says that there is no known single cause for ASD, “but it is generally accepted that it is caused by abnormalities in brain structure or function. Researchers do not know the exact cause of autism.”

The prevalence of ASD has grown in recent years. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported a rate of 1 in 125 in 2004. By 2018, that rate had risen to 1 in every 59 people. Autism Information from Autism Speaks Associated Challenges

• An estimated 40 percent of people with autism are nonverbal.

• Nearly half of those with autism wander or bolt from safety. • Nearly two-thirds of children with autism between the ages of 6 and 15 have been bullied.

• Nearly 28 percent of 8-year-olds with ASD have self-injurious behaviors. Head banging, arm biting and skin scratching are among the most common.

• Drowning remains a leading cause of death for children with autism and accounts for approximately 90 percent of deaths associated with wandering or bolting by those age 14 and younger.

Characteristics and Diagnosis:

1. Persistent differences in communication, interpersonal relationships, and social interaction across different environments

What this can look like: Being nonverbal or having atypical speech patterns, having trouble understanding nonverbal communication, difficulty making and keeping friends, difficulty maintaining typical back-and-forth conversational style.

2. Restricted and repetitive behavior, patterns, activities and interests What this can look like: Repeating sounds or phrases (echolalia), repetitive movements, preference for sameness and difficulty with transition or routine, rigid or highly restricted and intense interests, extreme sensitivity to or significantly lower sensitivity to various sensory stimuli.

Being diagnosed at a young age, Alexz was provided with a variety of therapies, but due to his severity, the therapies couldn’t keep up with the rate of his regression. Today, Brandi describes her son as a “teenaged toddler.” She said that he should be “playing sports, getting ready to apply to colleges, and starting his senior year in the fall. He should be begging his dad for the car, getting his heart broken by his first girlfriend and making lasting memories with his friends. But he is currently sitting in his room, after I just changed his pullup and clothes, chewing on his toy dinosaur, listening to cartoons, and making loud screaming noises every few minutes.”

While acknowledging that raising a child with low functioning autism is very difficult, Brandi and her family encourage others who have a child with ASD. “Breathe,” Brandi said. “Research as much as you can, get the best doctors, and don’t let anyone tell you what you should be doing. Breathe some more. Oh, and lots of caffeine.”

“Alexz’s father and I would like people to know that each child or adult with autism is different,” Brandi added. “What works for one, probably won’t work for another. One autistic child may talk, others, like our Alexz will never say a word. Also, autism doesn’t stop at eighteen. Soon, we will have to go to court, meet with a judge, and be awarded guardianship of our own child so we can legally take care of him.”

The experience of a person living with ASD can vary greatly Brandi said. Another perspective was shared with me by Jonathan, an adult with a college degree and a lovely wife, and most people wouldn’t look at Jonathan and know that he was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. “Typically, I’d be considered “high-functioning,” Jonathan said. “AKA, people don’t see all the time you spend after encounters trying to make sure you got everything.”

Jonathan explained that he has a bachelor’s in science chemistry degree and a master’s in analytical chemistry. “I was working on a doctorate in the same field, before I had a burnout caused by stresses from my, then undiagnosed, ASD and major depression.” Often people with ASD live with additional challenges of depression, ADHD, gastrointestinal disease, and others.

Being undiagnosed as a child and young adult was a challenge for Jonathan. “Looking back, I can see a lot of instances that are understandable now in light in the diagnosis. I was not comfortable wearing synthetic materials, so cotton, wool, silk, and linen, are my favorite fabrics because of that. And communication is hard when one party doesn’t know the message isn’t received, and the other party doesn’t know to look for the other parts of the message.”

Jonathan explained that he only processed verbal communication, so that any messages accented with body language and nonverbal communication were skewed. He said that he would mimic back his parents’ gestures, which led to much frustration and miscommunication.

Today, Jonathan focuses on communication with his wife. His ability to process messages, non-verbal communication and filter messages when there is interference meant that he had to leave his job working at a chemistry lab.

Like Christy’s daughter, Lilly, Jonathan lives with Sensory Perception Disorder. Christy explained that a motorcycle driving by is loud to her, but it’s “ten times louder for Lilly.” In Jonathan’s experience, he has an “incredibly hard time separating out noises.” Eating out at a crowded restaurant in pre-COVID times was challenging and mentally exhausting because he also struggles with sensitivity to bright lights.

Autism Spectrum Disorder is very much a spectrum. There are people,

Jonathan and his wife Dani are like any happily married couple. But daily they put extra effort into their communication techniques so that no messages are misinterpreted. Alexz and his Little “Big” sister Reagan (age 14), waiting at the doctor’s office for his appointment, with his trusty dinosaur.

Brigitta Vance

Farm, Ranch and Lakefront Specialist

ExclusivE PartnEr Of vance.brigitta@gmail.com • 479-621-3815 Cell 855-BUY-DIRT

Being in nature is soothing for Lilly. Her family enjoys hiking adventures including a trip to the Shenandoah National Park in Virginia.

young and old, living with ASD across all levels of the spectrum. Jonathan is higher functioning, and although he faces difficulties, he continues to find ways to overcome them and live a happy life with his wife.

For Brandi and her family, the challenges are much greater. “Alexz is a great kid, when he randomly snuggles up with his sister, or bugs her like a typical big brother would. When he initiates a hug, with his dad, his sister or myself that brings us to tears. Happy tears. But autism is hard. Every parent plans to raise their child for 18 years, set them free for the next 30 years and then hope they come back to help them face the final years of their own life. An autism parent can sometimes plan to raise their child for 65 years, and while doing so, also has to prepare for the other 20 or so after they themselves are long gone.”

As for Lilly, she’s doing well in second grade. Her school has supported her needs and helped Christy and her family find services to help her thrive. Christy still worries about taking Lilly to another child’s birthday party, with a family that doesn’t know Lilly well. They won’t understand that she sees the world a different way, that she processes the world a different way. But inside she is still a person who loves, laughs and, like Alexz, treats her family to the best snuggles. n