SCAN MAGAZINE FALL 2023
BIG YELLOW SLIDE THE BOYS I LOVED IN MS.GRIENKE’S FIFTH GRADE CLASS
WRITTEN BY AMARA HOLLAND ILLUSTRATED BY RILEY SULLIVAN At the ripened age of ten, I went through a series of lovers (of sorts). I had spent each school year in a different school, in a different state, and although it made me a rather cultured fifth grader, I was also incredibly alone. My best friend was my one-eyed male goldfish, Cameron Diaz. I read in J-14 magazine that Cameron Diaz, the actress, and I have the same birthday. And since Cameron Diaz, the goldfish, was a pity gift from my parents for my 10th birthday, I thought the name was fitting. He lost his eye on the road trip from our last home to our new one. I thought I had figured out the best system to transport Cameron Diaz safely on the ride but somehow his eye erupted. The disappointment I had internalized from making my best and only friend’s eye explode made me question my own selfworth. So, when I entered Ms. Greinke’s fifthgrade class and saw the brown-skinned boy with long curly hair and a Pull-up sticking out of his khakis, I figured he could be an answer for me.
His name was Musiq and he would cry at the end of every school day because he didn’t want to go home with his Grandma. I never saw his mother or father or even an aunt or uncle. And I didn’t blame him for crying either. His Grandma was a surly old woman whose face hung in a permanent scowl. She was always dressed in heavy, jewel-toned fabrics, maintained a fresh silk press and unchipped bright red nail polish. I thought they were rich but she looked too sad to be a rich woman. Everyone made fun of him for being a baby and looking like a girl, especially one boy in our class, Jaiden. But something about his babyish nature and girlish appearance intrigued me. And we both loved Pokemon. I would bring my pink Nintendo DS to recess and we would spend the entire time playing the Pokemon games underneath the big twisty slide. We were shielded from the mean kids’ judgment by the biggest, yellowest, twistiest slide I had ever seen. Little rubber chips from the playground floor would embed themselves into the skin on our legs and it would hurt but at least our spot stayed dry even when it rained, and was cool even on the hottest days and most importantly, it was ours. One day, under the big twisty slide, Musiq pursed his lips tight and touched them to mine. My eyes shot wide and my heart flew around my chest like a moth trapped inside a light. I held his sticky little hand in my
