How I Tried to Be a Good Person

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Ulli Lust


ULLI …

WE NEED TO TALK.

ABOUT WHAT?

I’M WORRIED IT’S A MISTAKE TO TALK ABOUT IT. IT DEFINITELY IS ONE.

BUT I WANT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.

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I DON’T WANT TO LIE TO YOU.

JUST SAY IT!

IT’S ALWAYS THE SAME.

I’M SO

SICK OF IT!!!

MARIE WAS MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND; WE WERE VERY MUCH IN LOVE. SHE WAS A GREAT MUSICIAN, A SENSITIVE, TENDER WOMAN.

PHYSICALLY SHE WAS EXACTLY MY TYPE – SLENDER, ALMOST BOYISH, AND DESPITE THAT …

FOR ALL THOSE YEARS, WE BARELY SLEPT WITH EACH OTHER. IT HAPPENED LESS AND LESS, AND FINALLY STOPPED ENTIRELY.

WE DIDN’T MISS IT. WE WERE, IN MANY RESPECTS, A PERFECT COUPLE. YOU DIDN’T HAVE SEX FOR YEARS?

NO, WE WERE HIPPIES. I HAD AFFAIRS AND SO DID SHE. THAT WASN’T EVER A PROBLEM BETWEEN US.

WELL, UNTIL SHE LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER MAN.

OH! GOT IT.

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SINCE THEN, I JUST KEEP REPEATING AND REPEATING THE SAME PATTERNS.

IT’S LIKE A CURSE!

I MEET A WOMAN AND FALL IN LOVE, AND AS LONG AS WE REMAIN UNFAMILIAR THE SEX IS INDESCRIBABLY INTENSE! A REAL RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPS, AND AS INTIMACY GROWS THE EROTIC ANIMAL IN ME DIES.

I’VE OFTEN ASKED MYSELF: AM I ONLY ATTRACTED TO THE UNFAMILIAR WOMAN, THE WOMAN FULL OF SECRETS?

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OR IS IT ACTUALLY THAT SHE GETS TO KNOW ME BETTER?


AT THE START, I CAN PLAY THE GREAT GUY. THAT’S WHERE I’M CONFIDENT, THAT’S WHERE I’M RECKLESS.

SUCH BULLSHIT!

IN THE DAY-TO-DAY, THE SMALL, FRIGHTENED GEORG SHOWS UP.

AND HE CAN’T BELIEVE THAT A WOMAN WOULD EVER FIND HIM DESIRABLE.

I SEE THROUGH MYSELF BUT REMAIN TRAPPED THERE.

YES, I KNOW.

AND NOW IT’S HAPPENED AGAIN. I DON’T FEEL IT ANYMORE.

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I DON’T UNDERSTAND …

YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE?

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I’M AFRAID OF LOSING YOU!

HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT?

SIGH. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME. I’M NOT MAKING SENSE. PLEASE, IGNORE ME …

A LITTLE? THAT’S A VERY OPTIMISTIC ASSESSMENT.

IT SEEMS HEALTHY TO ME, TO TALK SO OPENLY ABOUT FEELINGS. IF YOU REPRESSED THEM — THAT WOULD BE SICK.

WE DON’T NECESSARILY HAVE TO SLEEP TOGETHER. WE CAN JUST BE TOGETHER LIKE THIS. SEX ISN’T SO IMPORTANT.

YOU’RE THE BEST THING THAT’S HAPPENED TO ME THESE PAST FEW YEARS! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU, TOO!

MY LOVE, THAT’S GOOD …  YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE A LITTLE CRAZY!

YES, BUT …

YES, OF COURSE. MAYBE IT’LL RELAX YOU NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT FOR A WHILE.

SIGH. SEX IS IMPORTANT!

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HMM …  MAYBE.

BUT I ALSO WANT TO KEEP ON KISSING YOU!


EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS SO EASY WITH YOU.

OH, ULLI …

WOULD IT DISTURB YOU IF I WERE TO HAVE LOVERS?

IT ALSO WOULDN’T DISTURB ME, IF YOU HAD SOME.

NO. OF COURSE NOT.

NO, THANKS. I’M LACKING THE IMAGINATION FOR IT RIGHT NOW.

FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE BREAKING UP WITH ME.

NO!

FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, NO!

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AS CHANCE WOULD HAVE IT, THE NEXT DAY IS A (CATHOLIC) HOLIDAY. GEORG LEAVES FOR A GIG IN THE PROVINCE. AND WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR TONIGHT?

WERE THESE PANTS ALWAYS SO TIGHT?

I’M LESS HONEST WITH GEORG THAN HE IS WITH ME. WHY, I WONDER? NOT MUCH. MAYBE I’LL GO TO DINA’S PARTY THIS EVENING.

YEAH, HAVE A LAID-BACK NIGHT! THAT’S WHAT I’D LIKE TO DO, TOO.

I’M VERY LAID-BACK. TODAY I HAVE A MISSION. TODAY IS MY PERSONAL, SLUTTY HOLIDAY. SEE YOU TOMORROW, DARLING!

THE BAIT IS FOR THE FISH, NOT THE FISHERMAN …

HOLD YOUR BREATH!

SHIT, I’VE PUT ON WEIGHT.

TODAY, I’LL BE SIGNALING A LOUD AND CLEAR “YES.”

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