When there’s left

It’s 5 a.m., August 2017.

I’m loading up my beat-up car with the gear I’ve been packing and unpacking for weeks. The two-hour drive from Knoxville to Chattanooga is dark, and I’m full of nerves. I was a college dropout who had embraced a life of service industry chaos and antics. For years, the work and social circles I was involved in were destructive and self-deprecating. I decided to join Southeast Conservation Corps (SECC) when I hit a low point in my life, one of those “there’s nothing left to lose,” moments.

A few days later, I was pulling a crosscut saw through fresh poplar, cooking dinner for eight on the camp stove, and trying to eat my pasta with hands shaking from swinging tools all day. Hiking, hauling rocks, and carrying tools was exhausting, but my sore muscles felt good. I listened to my crew chat in a circle in the grass and remember feeling distinctly like that was the first time in my adult life that I was around people who were laughing and enjoying each other’s company in such a wholesome way.

Four short months after that first hitch, I finished my season with SECC and said goodbye to my crew, wondering what was next. On the recommendation of my former crew leader I hesitantly applied for a leader position the following spring. To my surprise, I was hired and led crews consecutively through the spring, summer, and fall of 2018. I truthfully struggled through that year. The work was so much fun, and the