Making Time For You

Self-care has been a mental health buzzword for a while now. There are whole social media accounts dedicated to it; Jonathan Van Ness in Queer Eye says it at least once an episode. But what actually is self-care? It can’t be all face masks and candles.

In healthcare, self-care is defined as any task that is deliberate, under your control, and self-initiated. It is time spent doing a task that looks after you, and the time is only dedicated to that task, no distractions. Self-care can equally be just taking time away from screens, and learning about yourself and what you enjoy doing. But mainly, it’s about taking an active role in looking after your mental health.

One of the problems with making time for self-care when you’re anxious and busy is that it is easy to worry about doing self-care ‘right’. When you view self-care as something slightly different from someone else’s, it can be stressful if you directly compare. What works for me may not work for someone else. I’m certainly not a crafty person, but I have lots of friends who are. I’m someone who loves doing something, creating something. So inactivity doesn’t always make me feel better. I have tried almost every hobby under the sun, but only a few have stuck – colouring in, crossstitch, a daily workout, going for walks, yoga. While I enjoy them a lot, they are not always things I can do daily or always go back to. But learning to recognise what I need that day is important. I’ve started to pick up meditation, especially if I can’t sleep. If I’ve been feeling lethargic, a walk in the park to my favourite song is a great pick-me-up.

What you need one day can be different to the next. So you’re not stuck only doing one thing. Sometimes all you need is a glass of wine and a luxurious bubble bath. Sometimes you want to read a trashy magazine, or watch the next episode in a TV show you’ve been enjoying. Before Covid-19, my ultimate selfcare time would be going to the cinema. I didn’t need to buy all the snacks etc, but I would set aside time to go see at least one film (or a couple) a week! It was total escapism. I also love to dance, and always enjoy letting myself go and just dancing – in a class or in my room alone. Self-care is something that you enjoy doing, that has no pressure or expectations attached to it.

Essentially, there is no one-size-fits-all way of giving yourself some self-care. Your self-care could be making time for a dance class, or baking. Someone else’s could be having a really special hot chocolate. Or a quiet moment in the morning before everyone’s up. And not everyone has time for the same level of selfcare. For many busy people, their self-care is having a slightly longer shower than normal, or their favourite chocolate bar with a cup of tea. It could be calling your Mum for a good old blether. Whatever your self-care is that day, make it different from the daily tasks that you need to go through, or if you don’t have time to add another thing, take your time over your favourite task. Just make the time for you, whether it be three minutes or three hours. You always deserve it.

“Whatever your self-care is that day, make it different from the daily tasks that you need to go through.”

Words by Grace Balfour-Harle