Face your fears

from Her Magazine June 2018

by Cooke NC

Beer drinkers, runners unite

FACE YOUR FEARS

Just jump and build your wings on the way down

By Christina RuotoloHer Contributor

Where does fear come from?

How does it grow from a small seed in our brain into a raging storm in our bellies sending us into a flight or fight response more often than not? Fear is real and it lives in us and can hold us back from the adventure that life offers up every day. But, we can change the narrative of fear with a few easy life lessons. We can go from choosing the path less traveled instead of the paved path with expected outcomes. So here are a few lessons you can use to help you face your fears and have some summer adventure. Adventure is waiting for you, so let’s get going!

LESSON ONE:

FACE YOUR FEARS HEAD ON When I was two years old, a spider crawled into my crib and bit me on the eye and I had to go to the hospital. My mother told me this story when I was little and from then on, I have been terrified of spiders. This lead me to being scared of thunderstorms and so many other things. I became what my mother called a “worry wart.”

As a kid, I attended a summer camp called Camp Frontier and loved every minute with the full sun shining down on my face and my

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future spread out ahead of me like a golden blanket. I swam laps in the crystal blue water in the pool, a little afraid sometimes that someone would dunk me and I would drown. I paddled out in the middle of the lake in a kayak and rowed until my arms burned with excitement, while at the same time I was afraid a snake would jump out of the water up and attack me. I rode the beautiful angelic horses with strong muscles that would walk us through nature trails past blooming trees. I loved it, but was afraid I would be bucked from the horse and break my neck like Christopher Reeve. I practiced archery and as I pulled the bow back aiming for the target, a small voice inside me said, “What if it shoots backwards back and pokes my eye out?”

On the last week of camp, each group selected a campsite along a side trail and everyone brought sleeping bags. We roasted marshmallows over a roaring fire, and told

ghost stories. I was so terrified, I threw up and they had to call my mom to come get me. She had to drive thirty minutes in the middle of the night and take me home. She was not happy, but was a caring and loving mom who understood my internal fear compass. I added camping to my fear list and only went camping one other time in high school, but it was in a well lit area and it was more like glamping, so it was OK.

Fast forward about forty years, and I am still afraid. I’m afraid of death, drowning, being kidnapped, pumping gas at night and still spiders.

I decided I would face one of my fears and go wilderness camping with my boyfriend in Pisgah National Forest a couple years ago. I went to the local camping prep store and bought a backpack, made sure I packed my hiking shoes, a bearbox (we will get to that later), beef jerky, lip

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balm, sunscreen, a bear bell for safety, flashlight, and of course, a first aid kit. We decided to camp on the top of Black Balsam Knob, a 45 minute hike up a mountain and across a wide stretch to a remote and desolate patch of open field on The Art Lobe Trail. The location just so happened to be the exact same spot that my boyfriend camped two weeks earlier and encountered a pack of bears at his tent, hence the bearbox. A bearbox is a large blue canister you have to put all your food in so the bears can’t smell it and track you down to slash your small tent and eat you until only bones are left. Exciting right? But I was facing my fears, well actually multiple fears. But, I was really happy too. The hike in was glorious with a wide, blue sky, a view of lush green grass against jagged grey rocks and winding trails that thousands of feet have strode on before me including bears, spiders, cougars, and in my mind, possible escaped convicts. But, nature was all around me welcoming me, telling me to let go and just be and enjoy the moment.

We ate beef ravioli and drank lukewarm coffee from plastic mugs while sitting on a rock watching the sun descend into the most beautiful and peaceful sunset I’ve ever seen. You could feel the energy as it dipped below the treeline and sprang out rays of sun the color of summer gold. It pulled my fear away with it and as soon as the sun was gone and I realized we were alone on top of a mountain miles from help with limited cell service, my fears returned. We hung our bearbox from a tree a hundred feet away, pushed away the massive spindly legged spiders that crawled on the outside of the tent, and huddled inside since we were not allowed to start a fire. But, it would be OK, my boyfriend was with me and if a bear came, he would let them eat him first. So, let’s take that fear and push it away.

LESSON TW0:

MEDITATE, BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT AND RELAX YOUR MIND Pretend you are on a mountaintop watching a sunset and you only have that moment when the sun hits your face and you feel warm. Take that image and feeling and hold it in your mind. Count back from ten and take a few long breaths in and slow breaths out. This really worked for me. As my boyfriend slept soundly wrapped in his sleeping bag, I was huddled in mine fully awake and aware of every sound that sprang forth from the thin tent lining. At one point I was so afraid a bear was outside the tent, I actually unzipped the tent, and with my headlamp peeked outside and saw a small bunny sitting on the rock next to our tent just chilling. I realized that my fear of a bear was really a bunny and a bunny doesn’t really hurt you. It was cute and looked relaxed. I zipped my tent up and somehow managed to fall asleep while breathing in and breathing out my fear.

LESSON THREE:

DON’T PANIC The next morning, we awoke to the sounds of 60 mph winds thrashing the tent so fiercely, we both feared the tent would be pulled away with us inside like Toto in his basket in the Wizard of Oz. We made a funny video for our friends of us huddled in our tent while the wind violently protested around us for at least an hour. My fear brain told me if we died all that would be left of us would be pieces of tent and a one minute video of our plight. I tried not to panic realizing I actually camped the night before and I was not eaten by bears. Go me! I was so tired though from the night before, I think my fear needed a nap and I just rode out the storm. When we opened

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the tent, the sun peeked through and the clouds parted like in a movie and we packed up our stuff and hiked back down the mountain. It was a great experience and I didn’t get eaten by bears, no spiders bit me on the eye and no imaginary ghosts haunted the tent. I faced at least a few of my fears head-on, breathed through my fears with meditation and didn’t panic. I came out of this little adventure with a newfound appreciation for Mother Earth and its beautiful bounty. We have returned to “our mountaintop” often to seek out the beauty like visiting an old friend. Even though my fears still remain, and yours will too, try to take one fear at a time and push it away, so you can see the beauty that lies past it. Summer is here and it’s waiting for you, so go on, jump and build your wings on the way down!