Handling a Difficult Customer Instructor Guide
TABLE OF CONTENTS Preface ..............................................................................................................................................6 What is Courseware? ................................................................................................................................ 6 How Do I Customize My Course? .............................................................................................................. 6 Materials Required ................................................................................................................................... 8 Maximizing Your Training Power .............................................................................................................. 8 Module One: Getting Started ........................................................................................................... 10 Housekeeping Items................................................................................................................................ 10 The Parking Lot ....................................................................................................................................... 11 Workshop Objectives .............................................................................................................................. 11 Module Two: The Right Attitude Starts with You .............................................................................. 12 Be Grateful .............................................................................................................................................. 12 Make Gratitude a Habit .......................................................................................................................... 13 Keep Your Body Healthy ......................................................................................................................... 14 Invoke Inner Peace .................................................................................................................................. 15 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 16 Module Three: Stress Management (Internal Stressors) .................................................................... 21 Irritability ................................................................................................................................................ 21 Unhappiness With Your Job .................................................................................................................... 22 Feeling Underappreciated ...................................................................................................................... 23 Not Well Rested ...................................................................................................................................... 24 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 26 Module Three: Review Questions ........................................................................................................... 27 Module Four: Stress Management (External Stressors) ..................................................................... 31
Manage Your Work Space ...................................................................................................................... 31 Loud Work Environment ......................................................................................................................... 32 Co-Worker Relations ............................................................................................................................... 33 Demanding Supervisor ............................................................................................................................ 34 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 35 Module Four: Review Questions ............................................................................................................. 37 Module Five: Transactional Analysis ................................................................................................. 40 What is Transactional Analysis ............................................................................................................... 40 Parent ..................................................................................................................................................... 41 Child ........................................................................................................................................................ 42 Adult ....................................................................................................................................................... 42 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 44 Module Five: Review Questions .............................................................................................................. 46 Module Six: Why are Some Customers Difficult................................................................................. 49 They Have Truly Had a Bad Experience and Want to Vent ..................................................................... 49 Want Someone to be Held Accountable ................................................................................................. 50 They Have Truly Had a Bad Experience and Want Resolution................................................................ 51 They are Generally Unhappy .................................................................................................................. 52 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 53 Module Six: Review Questions ................................................................................................................ 55 Module Seven: Dealing with the Customer Over the Phone............................................................... 58 Listen to the Customer’s Complaint ........................................................................................................ 58 Build Rapport .......................................................................................................................................... 60 Do Not Respond with Negative Words or Emotion ................................................................................ 61 Offer a Verbal Solution to Your Customer .............................................................................................. 62 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 63
Module Seven: Review Questions ........................................................................................................... 64 Module Eight: Dealing with the Customer In Person.......................................................................... 67 Listen to the Customer’s Concerns.......................................................................................................... 67 Build Rapport .......................................................................................................................................... 68 Respond with Positive Words and Body Language................................................................................. 69 Aside from Words ................................................................................................................................... 70 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 71 Module Eight: Review Questions ............................................................................................................ 73 Module Nine: Sensitivity in Dealing with Customers ......................................................................... 76 Customers who are Angry....................................................................................................................... 76 Customers who are Rude ........................................................................................................................ 77 Customers with Different Cultural Values .............................................................................................. 78 Customers who Cannot be Satisfied ....................................................................................................... 79 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 80 Module Nine: Review Questions ............................................................................................................. 82 Module Ten: Scenarios of Dealing with a Difficult Customer .............................................................. 85 Angry Customer ...................................................................................................................................... 85 Rude Customer........................................................................................................................................ 86 A Customer from Another Culture .......................................................................................................... 87 An Impossible to Please Customer .......................................................................................................... 88 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 89 Module Ten: Review Questions .............................................................................................................. 90 Module Eleven: Following up With a Customer Once You Have Addressed Their Issue ....................... 94 Call the Customer.................................................................................................................................... 94 Send the Customer an Email ................................................................................................................... 95 Mail the Customer a Small Token ........................................................................................................... 96
Snail-Mail a Handwritten or Typed Letter .............................................................................................. 96 Case Study............................................................................................................................................... 97 Module Eleven: Review Questions .......................................................................................................... 99 Module Twelve: Wrapping Up ........................................................................................................ 102 Words from the Wise ............................................................................................................................ 102 Review of Parking Lot ........................................................................................................................... 102 Lessons Learned .................................................................................................................................... 103 Completion of Action Plans and Evaluations ........................................................................................ 103
If you have some respect for people as they are, you can be more effective in helping them to become better than they are. John W. Gardner Preface What is Courseware? Welcome to Courseware.com, a completely new training experience! Our courseware packages offer you top-quality training materials that are customizable, user-friendly, educational, and fun. We provide your materials, materials for the student, PowerPoint slides, and a takehome reference sheet for the student. You simply need to prepare and train! Best of all, our courseware packages are created in Microsoft Office and can be opened using any version of Word and PowerPoint. (Most other word processing and presentation programs support these formats, too.) This means that you can customize the content, add your logo, change the color scheme, and easily print and e-mail training materials.
How Do I Customize My Course? Customizing your course is easy. To edit text, just click and type as you would with any document. This is particularly convenient if you want to add customized statistics for your region, special examples for your participants’ industry, or additional information. You can, of course, also use all of your word processor’s other features, including text formatting and editing tools (such as cutting and pasting). To remove modules, simply select the text and press Delete on your keyboard. Then, navigate to the Table of Contents, right-click, and click Update Field. You may see a dialog box; if so, click “Update entire table” and press OK.
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(You will also want to perform this step if you add modules or move them around.) If you want to change the way text looks, you can format any piece of text any way you want. However, to make it easy, we have used styles so that you can update all the text at once. If you are using Word 97 to 2003, start by clicking the Format menu followed by Styles and Formatting. In Word 2007 and 2010 under the Home tab, right-click on your chosen style and click Modify. That will then produce the Modify Style options window where you can set your preferred style options. For example, if we wanted to change our Heading 1 style, used for Module Titles, this is what we would do:
Now, we can change our formatting and it will apply to all the headings in the document. For more information on making Word work for you, please refer to Word 2007 or 2010 Essentials by Courseware.com.
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Materials Required All of our courses use flip chart paper and markers extensively. (If you prefer, you can use a whiteboard or chalkboard instead.) We recommend that each participant have a copy of the Training Manual, and that you review each module before training to ensure you have any special materials required. Worksheets and handouts are included within a separate activities folder and can be reproduced and used where indicated. If you would like to save paper, these worksheets are easily transferrable to a flip chart paper format, instead of having individual worksheets. We recommend these additional materials for all workshops:
Laptop with projector, for PowerPoint slides
Quick Reference Sheets for students to take home
Timer or watch (separate from your laptop)
Masking tape
Blank paper
Maximizing Your Training Power We have just one more thing for you before you get started. Our company is built for trainers, by trainers, so we thought we would share some of our tips with you, to help you create an engaging, unforgettable experience for your participants.
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Make it customized. By tailoring each course to your participants, you will find that your results will increase a thousand-fold. o
Use examples, case studies, and stories that are relevant to the group.
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Identify whether your participants are strangers or whether they work together. Tailor your approach appropriately.
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Different people learn in different ways, so use different types of activities to balance it all out. (For example, some people learn by reading, while others learn by talking about it, while still others need a hands-on approach. For more information, we suggest Experiential Learning by David Kolb.)
Make it fun and interactive. Most people do not enjoy sitting and listening to someone else talk for hours at a time. Make use of the tips in this book and your own experience to keep your
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participants engaged. Mix up the activities to include individual work, small group work, large group discussions, and mini-lectures. Make it relevant. Participants are much more receptive to learning if they understand why they are learning it and how they can apply it in their daily lives. Most importantly, they want to know how it will benefit them and make their lives easier. Take every opportunity to tie what you are teaching back to real life. Keep an open mind. Many trainers find that they learn something each time they teach a workshop. If you go into a training session with that attitude, you will find that there can be an amazing two-way flow of information between the trainer and trainees. Enjoy it, learn from it, and make the most of it in your workshops.
And now, time for the training!
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Gentleness and understanding create in others an unconscious willingness to be led. I Ching (The Classic of Changes) Module One: Getting Started At first glance, handling a difficult customer may seem like a thankless job. Fortunately, you can develop skills to adapt to the challenges difficult customers pose and extend these skills to handling difficult people and situations throughout your daily life. By improving the focus of your thoughts and feelings, how you manage stress, and how well you listen to and empathize with others, you will be better able to meet the challenges other people pose in both your professional and personal life. Implementing the guidelines in this module is the first step in a process towards forever changing how you interact with others.
Housekeeping Items Take a few moments to cover basic housekeeping items.
If you need an opening or a way to introduce the participants to each other, utilize the Icebreakers folder to begin or start again after breaks during the day. One suggested activity is to have each participant start the day listing (privately) 5 things they are grateful. Invite volunteers to share.
Let participants know where they can find washrooms, break facilities, and fire exits.
Ask participants to turn off their cell phones or at least turn them to vibrate. If they must take a call, request that they do it outside.
Take this time to encourage the group to ask questions, and make this an interactive workshop.
Write the words Respect, Confidentiality, and Practice on a piece of flip chart paper and tape it to the wall. Explain to participants that in order to get the most out of this workshop, we must all work together, listen to each other, explore new ideas, and make mistakes. After all, that’s how we learn!
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The Parking Lot Explain the concept of The Parking Lot to participants.
The Parking Lot is a visible place where you will “park” ideas that arise that are not on the agenda, may be off topic, or are better addressed outside of the program.
At the end of the session, we will review parked ideas and follow up, or make suggestions for your own investigation when you are back at work.
Suggestions for the trainer: 1. If you are working with a large group of participants, you may wish to nominate a recorder to park items as you are facilitating. 2. It’s a good idea to note the name of the contributor along with the parked item. 3. Items noted on the parking lot can be useful to you later as you plan future training sessions.
Workshop Objectives Research has consistently demonstrated that when clear goals are associated with learning, it occurs more easily and rapidly. With that in mind, let’s review our goals for today. At the end of this workshop, participants should be able to:
Cultivate a positive attitude
Manage internal and external stress
Develop abilities to listen actively and empathize
Build a rapport with customers in person and over the phone
Understand the diverse challenges posed by customers
Develop strategies to adapt to challenging circumstances
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Keep your face always towards the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you. Walt Whitman Module Two: The Right Attitude Starts with You Keeping a positive mental attitude in the face of difficulty isn’t easy. In fact, according to psychologists, our brains seem to be hardwired to focus on the negative, as studies have shown. However, here is some postivity to focus on: many studies have also demonstrated that cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” and engaging in regular exercise and meditation have dramatic effects on our sense of well being. Source: Baumeister, Roy F.; Bratslavsky, Ellen; Finkenauer, Catrin; & Vohs, Kathleen D. (2001) “Bad is StrongerThan Good” Review of General Psychology Vol 5(4).
Be Grateful It’s natural and easy to focus on the negative things that happen in our lives. When a reckless driver cuts you off on the highway, your pulse races and your adrenaline begins to flow. Maybe you start to shake, and it’s likely that this feeling stays with you for a while. However the good things in life often escape our notice, whether it’s the person who greets you with a smile or holds the door open for you. Taking note of the good things in your life involves a conscious decision, but it has a huge payoff. Oprah Winfrey once noted that the single most important thing she’s ever done was to write five things that she’s grateful for in a journal at the beginning of each day. And the science backs her up. Psychologists from the universities of California and Miami performed an experiment in 2003 that found that keeping a daily journal of what you’re grateful for can increase your own sense of wellbeing throughout your life. Source: Emmons, Robert A. & McCullough, Michael E. (2003) “Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Vol 84(2)
Estimated Time
8 minutes
Topic Objective
Introduce gratitude.
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How does being grateful improve your attitude? Topic Summary Discuss gratitude and positivity. Materials Required
01: Gratitude
Planning Checklist
None
Recommended Activity
As a group list different things for which you are grateful. These can be simple, such as a good cup of coffee, or huge, such as the birth of a child or grandchild. As a group, discuss different ways to accentuate the positive in your lives. Take note of how everyone feels after doing so.
Stories to Share
Share any personal or relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What steps can you take to cultivate a positive attitude?
Make Gratitude a Habit Sustaining a positive outlook requires consistent practice. If taking a moment to note what’s going right can give you a good feeling, imagine the cumulative effect of doing so daily. In order to do so, you have to cultivate a habit.
Forming a habit:
Use a reminder. For example, at the beginning of your workday before (or after) you clock in. Let this act as a cue to list five things you’re grateful for in a gratitude journal. Have a routine. Try to write in your gratitude journal at the same time every day. Reward yourself. Although developing a cumulative sense of gratitude is its own reward, the act of setting up a specific reward helps to divide a large task into many small tasks. For example, for after a week of successively keeping your journal, pick a small reward for yourself. Doing something consistently becomes automatic over time, but that time can vary between 18 and 254 days to do so. The average amount of time to make a habit automatic is around two months. If you miss a day, don’t beat yourself up. Take note however why you missed it as well as any strategies to counteract whatever caused you to miss it. Be aware that a change in routine can disrupt habitual behavior and may require the development of a new reminder and routine.
Sources: http://www.spring.org.uk/2009/09/how-long-to-form-a-habit.php http://jamesclear.com/three-steps-habit-change
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Estimated Time
6 minutes
Topic Objective
The Gratitude Journal. Each participant creates and maintains a gratitude journal
Topic Summary Participants list five things they are grateful for each day. Materials Required
Blank notebooks or folders with blank pages
Planning Checklist
None
Recommended Activity
At the beginning of each day of training, either after the icebreaker or instead of it, each participant privately notes five things they are grateful for. Invite volunteers to share with the rest of the class.
Stories to Share
Share any personal relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What are the three R’s of consciously forming habits?
Keep Your Body Healthy Regular exercise is crucial for producing a positive attitude. It stimulates the production of pleasure chemicals in our brain called endorphins, and has been shown to combat depression effectively. Source: http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/exercise-happiness2.htm Important aspects of good exercise:
Never exercise beyond your physical capabilities. The ideal exercise plan includes flexibility, strength, balance, and endurance training. Drink plenty of water. Vary your routine from time to time by replacing old exercises with new ones. Avoid exercise within the three hours before you go to sleep
Source: Editors of Reader’s Digest (1993) Family Guide to Natural Medicine
Estimated Time
10 minutes
Topic Objective
Introduce A Balanced Exercise Routine.
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A Balanced Exercise Routine Topic Summary
Consider the types of exercises that would make up a well-balanced exercise routine.
Materials Required
Flipchart/board and marker
Planning Checklist
None
Recommended Activity
Discuss what exercises train for flexibility, balance, endurance, and strength. Develop a tentative exercise regimen that works for your exercise level.
Stories to Share
Share any personal, relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What is a good exercise for developing one’s balance?
Invoke Inner Peace Cultivating positive thinking is also a process of invoking inner peace within. Here are some ways to do so:
Identify negative and automatic thoughts and counter them with alternatives. Typically these thoughts frame situations in terms of black and white and either/or terms. They also tend to make logical leaps. For example, your boss may have a look of disapproval. An automatic thought might be to assume she is angry because you were late to work. But you were only late to work by a couple of minutes, and you’re always on time if not early, so it’s ridiculous that your boss should be so angry. And the train of assumptions can go on indefinitely. When you encounter such thoughts, reframe your assessment from terms that this is the case to this may be the case along with other possibilities. Consider other possibilities, including those that have nothing to do with you. Practice reality testing by asking your boss if she is upset with you and what can you do to improve the situation.
Practice meditation regularly. This helps you to focus on the moment as well as to feel more relaxed, and even doing as little as 10 minutes a day can have powerful effects throughout your day.
Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings. This can be particularly helpful during times of stress. It can help you to both articulate and organize your thoughts. One study found that
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writing about an intensely positive experience for three consecutive days still contributed to positive moods three months later. Source: Burton, Chad M. & King, Laura A. (2004) “The health benefits of writing about intensely positive experiencesâ€? Journal of Research in Personality Vol 38 (2). 
Schedule time for play. Make sure to take time to relax and enjoy life on a regular basis. This will not only help develop a positive outlook but also increase your creativity
Estimated Time
8 minutes
Topic Objective
Identify and counter negative thoughts Alternatives to negative thinking
Topic Summary
Discuss alternative possibilities for reframing and reaction to negative thoughts.
Materials Required
02: Meditation
Planning Checklist
Pass out Handout One: Meditation. Be sure to make enough copies for the entire class.
Recommended Activity
As a group, discuss a negative or disturbing situation and brainstorm alternative ways to assess the situation and alternative actions to improve the situation.
Stories to Share
Share any personal, relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What is automatic thinking?
Case Study Monica was experiencing some big challenges in her life. She had just graduated from college with a mountain of student loan debt. She had no job, despite the fact that she had been looking for months. Her savings was dwindling fast, and to top it all off, she had a nagging toothache and knew a trip to the dentist would cost a small fortune, especially since she had no insurance. When she thought about all the problems facing her, it became overwhelming. She grew depressed. Her life consisted of wasting away on the couch and watching reruns of Oprah Winfrey. When she saw the episode about gratitude, Monica decided to give it a try. She did have some things going right in her life, after all. She Page 16
now had a degree. She had a working car. Best of all, Monica had family and friends who encouraged her, including a professor who was willing to recommend her for an office job. The more she focused on what she did have, the better she felt. In fact, instead of feeling depressed over everything that lay before her, Monica started to feel enthusiastic about the potential the future held.
Estimated Time
5 minutes
Topic Objective
Outline the Right Attitude case study. Case study
Topic Summary Discuss the importance of cultivating positivity. Materials Required
None
Planning Checklist
None
Recommended Activity
Discuss the outcome of the case study.
Stories to Share
Share any personal, relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What was Monica grateful for?
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Module Two: Review Questions 1. Which of the following celebrities advocates keeping a gratitude journal? a) b) c) d)
Barack Obama James Franco Miley Cyrus Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey once noted that the single most important thing she’s ever done was to write five things that she’s grateful for in a journal at the beginning of each day. 2. According to scientists, keeping a gratitude journal every day increases what? a) b) c) d)
Your sense of judgment Your sense of wellbeing Your understanding of what is not working in your life Your religious beliefs
Psychologists from the universities of California and Miami performed an experiment in 2003 that found that keeping a daily journal of what you’re grateful for can increase your own sense of wellbeing throughout your life. 3. Which of the following is helpful in developing a habit? a) b) c) d)
Using a reminder Having a routine Rewarding yourself All of the above
The three R’s of forming a habit are reminder, routine, and reward. 4. What is the average amount of time to make a habit automatic? a) b) c) d)
Two days Two weeks Two months None of the above
It takes anywhere from 18 to 254 days of consistently doing something to make that a habit, but the average is around two months.
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5. Which of the following is Not an aspect of a good exercise routine? a) b) c) d)
Strength training Speed training Balance training Flexibility training
A well-balanced exercise routine works on strength, balance, endurance, and flexibility. 6. Which of the following is Not a good time to exercise? a) b) c) d)
When you wake up After lunch In the early afternoon Right before bed
Exercising right before bed can make it difficult to fall asleep. 7. 9. Meditating as little as ___ minutes a day can help invoke inner peace. a) 2 b) 10 c) 30 d) 60 Practice meditation regularly. This helps you to focus on the moment as well as to feel more relaxed, and even doing as little as 10 minutes a day can have powerful effects throughout your day. 8. Writing about an intensely positive experience for ___ consecutive days still contributed to positive moods three months later. a) Ten b) Six c) Three d) Fifteen Keeping a journal of one’s thoughts and feelings can particularly be helpful during times of stress.
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9. Which of the following was Not a challenge facing Monica? a) b) c) d)
A broken-down car A toothache No job Student loan debt
Monica’s car was working, a source of gratitude for her. 10. How did Monica begin to change her fortunes? a) b) c) d)
She got her car fixed She used a door knob and string to extract her bad tooth She focused on what was going right in her life She borrowed money from her boyfriend
Monica changed her focus from a negative one that made her feel depressed and overwhelmed to a positive focus on what was going right in her life.
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Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness’s of other people. Carl Jung Module Three: Stress Management (Internal Stressors) Life is dynamic and constantly changing. This simple fact creates emotional, mental, and physical stress. It’s not possible to avoid stress entirely. Instead, you have to learn how to manage stress and navigate through the situations that trigger stress. Often it is the stressful situations in life that bring out our best. There are two types of stressors: internal stressors and external stressors. External stressors relate to your environment. They can involve a wide variety of things from screaming alarm clocks to crowded elevators to high pressure situations such as a work deadline, caring for a sick loved one, and even positive events such as gaining recognition for achievement. Often, external stressors represent things that are beyond our control. Internal stressors are those stress triggers that are internal to each person. These can range from feeling irritable to feeling tired or unappreciated. Negative thoughts and automatic thinking are forms of internal stressors.
Irritability Emotions are universal. Everyone has them. Emotions are intrinsically good because they provide information; therefore emotions are valid. For example, everyone feels irritable at times. Irritation is a sign of anger, which tells you that something is wrong or anxiety, which tells you that you don’t know an outcome. These emotions are called swing emotions because they can either improve or damage your performance. Irritation, when not addressed, can snowball and reinforce negative thoughts and feelings. Managing swing emotions involves slowing down your thoughts. Here are some steps:
Listen to self-talk. Take note of “I” statements vs. “you” statements. “I” statements imply agency while “you” statements imply blame. Are your thoughts fast or slow? Fast thinking indicates arousal and the narrowing of focus while slow thinking expands your focus and relaxes you. Are you thinking in complete sentences or shorthand? Turn shorthand thoughts into complete sentences. Take note of distorted thinking styles. These are 1) magnification, thinking that something is bigger than it is, 2) destructive labeling, assessing someone or something
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negatively, and 3) imperative thinking, belief that something or someone should do or be a certain way. Use your thoughts as instructional self-statements. When you notice negative thoughts, try countering them with different statements about your situation. If your thinking involves magnification, then put things in a different perspective. If your thinking involves destructive labeling, be more specific. If your thinking involves imperatives, counter with more flexibility and consider other options. Take a time out. Anger, anxiety, and frustration all narrow our focus. A break away from a situation can help you approach again with a fresh perspective. When taking a time out, it’s often good to have a plan on how to make use of your time out. For example, if taking a time out from a situation where you felt angry, try using up that arousal energy by going for a run or some other type of exercise.
Estimated Time
8 minutes
Topic Objective
Introduce self-talk and distorted thinking patterns. Self-Talk and Distorted Thinking Patterns
Topic Summary Examine the nature of distorted thinking patterns and how to counter them. Materials Required
03: Distorted Thinking Patterns
Planning Checklist
Be sure to make enough copies of the worksheet for the entire class
Recommended Activity
Complete the worksheet individually. Briefly discuss as a group.
Stories to Share
Share any personal, relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What do ‘I’ statements imply? What do ‘you’ statements imply?
Unhappiness With Your Job Everyone can feel unhappy with their job at times, and this can yield frustration, which is an emotional cue that something isn’t working. Frustration results from problems that appear unsolvable. You may think you know the solution, but if you’re still feeling frustrated, it’s a sign that your solution is the problem. In order to combat frustration, you have to reframe the problem. A simple way to do this is to frame the problem with this sentence: The real problem isn’t _________ the real problem is ___________. Page 22
This allows you the flexibility to consider a whole new range of solutions.
Estimated Time
7 minutes
Topic Objective
Examine approaches to dealing with frustration. Dealing with Frustration
Topic Summary Discuss how reframing a problem can help alleviate frustration. Materials Required
Flipchart/board and marker
Planning Checklist
None
Recommended Activity
Have a volunteer from the class share a situation in which they feel frustrated. Make a list of potential reframing statements on the flipchart/board. Be sure to use this format: the real problem isn’t …; the real problem is …
Stories to Share
Share any personal, relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What message does frustration communicate?
Feeling Underappreciated Feeling underappreciated involves the emotions of dejection, depression, or disappointment. These emotions lead to poorer performance, unlike the swing emotions, which can go either way. Known as blue emotions, these are marked by a lack of arousal and self-talk that is too slow. To counter these, you need to instill emotions that arouse your energy level, such as enthusiasm, confidence, optimism, and tenacity. These emotions unlike swing emotions or blue emotions actually enhance performance. All emotions have three components that work together, and you can think of them as a triangle:
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At the top of the triangle is cognition. The way you self-talk when angry is different from the way you self-talk when enthusiastic or when disappointed. At the bottom left corner is the arousal level of an emotion. Both high performance emotions and swing emotions are high arousal emotions whereas blue emotions dampen arousal. The arousal level allows emotions to act as cues to signal behavior.
At the right corner is the behavior or reaction to an emotion. Mood management involves using cognition (your thoughts and assessment of a situation) to develop better strategies for reacting to your emotions.
Emotions also have a quality of being contagious. For example, when someone smiles at you, you feel an urge to smile back. When you feel underappreciated, this is a cue that you may not be appreciating yourself. Finding ways to increase your own enthusiasm and confidence makes you appreciate yourself more and this emotional state gets communicated to others. Here are some strategies to increase your high performance emotions of enthusiasm, confidence, optimism, and tenacity.
Acknowledge and celebrate successes. Listen to upbeat music that makes you happy. Look for and appreciate humor wherever you find it. A good belly laugh can change your outlook for the better. Acknowledge what is going well (such as in a daily gratitude journal). Before you go to bed each night, write down on an index card three statements that will put you in a good mood, and place it on a night stand or table so that you look at it when you wake up. This way you start out each day on a positive note.
Estimated Time
7 minutes
Topic Objective
Introduce high performance emotions. High Performance Emotions
Topic Summary Discuss statements that produce High Performance Emotions Materials Required
Flipchart/Board and marker
Planning Checklist
None
Recommended Activity
As a class, develop three statements that make you laugh, feel enthusiastic, or inspire you.
Stories to Share
Share any personal, relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
Blue emotions involve what arousal level?
Not Well Rested Football icon Vince Lombardi once said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” The quickest way to lose focus and have poor performance throughout your life is to not Page 24
have enough rest. The amount of rest you need varies per individual. When you can awaken without the need for an alarm clock, this is a sign that you are getting an adequate amount of rest. Sleep disorders such as insomnia can interfere with getting a good night’s sleep. Here are some approaches to dealing with insomnia:
Don’t try to force sleep. Let it come passively. One strategy is to read a book until you feel sleepy. Avoid late meals or exercising late at night. If you are feeling anxiety, which can cause your thoughts to race, try meditation to quiet your thoughts. Writing in a journal is another strategy. Often the antidote to anxiety is information. If something unknown is making you anxious, develop a strategy to find answers, and remember that sometimes, the passage of time is the only way to get an answer. Try taking a hot bath, but do so thirty minutes before sleeping. Although a hot bath is quite relaxing, immediately after getting out of the bath, your body temperature will lower. Allowing thirty minutes before bed time gives your body temperature a chance to level off. Go to sleep and wake up on a regular schedule every day, whether it’s a day off or not.
Being well rested throughout the day is not solely a matter of physical sleep either. Another form of rest involves taking breaks and getting briefly away from your work. When feeling tired during the day, stretching and doing a few minutes of vigorous exercise can help to recharge your batteries.
Estimated Time
7 minutes
Topic Objective
Consider challenges in getting a full night’s sleep and develop strategies. Challenges to Regular Sleep
Topic Summary
Discuss the different ways our sleep gets interrupted and list specific strategies towards countering these interruptions.
Materials Required
Flipchart/board and marker
Planning Checklist
None
Recommended Activity
Discuss different challenges in getting regular sleep. Make a list of them on the flipchart/board, and have participants share strategies to get regular and full nights’ sleep.
Stories to Share
Share any personal, relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What can you do during a break to recharge your batteries?
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Case Study Jennifer rides the subway home from work every day. After a long day of work, Jennifer got on the subway, and at the next stop, a well-dressed man with three welldressed kids gets on the bus. The kids keep running around and being rowdy, while the man ignores them with his head in his hands. Jennifer can’t take it anymore and snaps at the man: “You need to control your children!” The man replies, “You’re right. I’m sorry. We’re coming back from a funeral for their mother, and I guess I can’t bring myself to discipline them right now.” Jennifer reconsiders her earlier anger and calls the children to her. They play a game of “I spy” for the rest of the trip home.
Estimated Time
5 minutes
Topic Objective
Outline the Counteracting Negativity case study. Case Study
Topic Summary
Discuss how distorted thinking can lead us to misjudging others and the situation.
Materials Required
None
Planning Checklist
None
Recommended Activity
Discuss the outcome of the case study and what ways Jennifer could have countered her own distorted thinking before confronting the father.
Stories to Share
Share any personal relevant stories.
Delivery Tips
Encourage everyone to participate.
Review Questions
What was Jennifer’s distorted thinking pattern before she confronted the father?
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Module Three: Review Questions 1. Which of the following statements about stress is true? a) b) c) d)
Stressful situations can bring out our best Stress is always avoidable There are three types of stress: marginal, normal, and “help! I’m dying here” There are two types of stress: interpersonal and extracurricular
Stress is unavoidable but can bring out our best when managed well. The two types of stress are internal and external 2. Emotions are intrinsically _______. a) b) c) d)
Bad because they destroy our ability to reason Avoidable because we can train ourselves to be robots Good because they provide important information Irrational because they always distort reality
Emotions are intrinsically good. They can be irrational and lead to distorted thinking, but this is not always the case. 3. Which emotion is a sign that what you’re doing isn’t working? a) b) c) d)
Enthusiasm Frustration Tenacity Confidence
Frustration provides us with the message that what we are doing is not working. 4. Which is a specific strategy for counteracting frustration? a) b) c) d)
Quitting Practice Exercise Reframing
While each choice can in some ways help with frustration, the most specific strategy is reframing by using the following statement: The problem isn’t ___; the real problem is ___.
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5. Dejection, depression, and disappointment are examples of what class of emotions? a) b) c) d)
Red emotions because they involve high arousal Blue emotions because they involve low arousal Yellow emotions because they involve fight or flight. Green emotions because they lead to jealousy.
Dejection, depression, and disappointment are blue emotions and involve low levels of arousal. 6. Which of the following is a strategy for inducing high performance emotions? a) b) c) d)
Listening to slow music Slowing down your self-talk Ignoring successes Listening to and telling jokes
Finding ways to laugh is a good strategy for increasing high performance emotions such as optimism, enthusiasm, tenacity, and confidence. 7. Which of the following is not a good strategy for getting to sleep? a) b) c) d)
Exercising thirty minutes before you go to bed Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day Reading a book Writing in a journal
Exercising thirty minutes before you go to bed increases your arousal level making it difficult to go to sleep. 8. Which of the following statements about rest is False? a) People need different amounts of sleep each night in order to feel rested b) Being well rested is not just about sleep but about taking breaks to recharge throughout your day c) If you can’t sleep, you should try to force it by just lying there. d) A lack of rest reduces your performance levels When you can’t sleep, trying to force it is detrimental. Try reading a book instead.
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9. What distorted thinking pattern was Jennifer engaged in? a) b) c) d)
Magnification Imperative thinking Destructive labeling None of the above
Jennifer’s idea that the father should control his kids is an example of imperative thinking. 10. How did Jennifer turn the negative situation into a positive one? a) b) c) d)
She criticized the father She got off the subway early She yelled at the children She engaged the children in a game
By inviting the children to play “I spy,� Jennifer introduced a positive response for a negative situation.
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