Woman Alive Magazine

OCTOBER 2011 £2.50

THE MAGAZINE FOR TODAY’S CHRISTIAN WOMAN

Rosemary Conley ‘I love my life’

LIVING WITH LESS Could you survive on £1 a day?

NO TIME TO PRAY? Creative ideas from busy mums

12

great prizes for you to win

Inspiring you … to work for good, seek revival and worry less!

October 2011

Time for a

clear out!

On the cover Shutterstock Images Editor Jackie Stead Assistant Editor Sharon Barnard Designer Tim Charnick Advertisement sales Paula Taylor Marketing co-ordinator Theresa Kemp Subscriptions Barbara Godfrey Steve Boyce Inserts from: Bible Society Breast Cancer Care Handicap International UK The Salvation Army Womankind Worldwide

WOMAN ALIVE IS PUBLISHED MONTHLY BY Registered in England No. 5298514 © All contents copyright 2011

I

had to smile when I read this month’s Man Alive column from Father Andrew Perry about his attempts to do some major decluttering, as my fiancé and I have a similar mission. Now to be fair, I don’t think we have quite the same amount of stuff as Father Andrew, but we’re basically combining two homes into one and some things have to go.

Deciding which bits of furniture we keep has been very easy, but it’s the smaller things that are proving a challenge. In my case, it’s generally photographs, keepsakes, books and DVDs; for Raymond, it’s electric cables, boxes of lightbulbs, bits of computers, spare TVs . . .

Essentially, it’s all good fun and there’s the added interest of not simply looking at things in terms of are they useful/desirable to me, but will they be useful and desirable to us in our new life together.

Of course, as Father Andrew goes on to say, there is generally lots of other stuff to sort through – less tangible things – and this can be a challenge to all of us throughout our lives.

What’s our attitude to money? Veronica Zundel questions hers on page 28. Are we stuck in a rut in our spiritual lives? Anne Graham Lotz urges us to seek a personal revival on page 15. Do we have fears that hold us back? Caryn Rivadeneira shares her struggles on page 16.

One thing is for sure, these things are a lot harder to sift through than a box of CDs or spare plugs and odd cables . . . Whatever you need to sort through this month, I hope Woman Alive will inspire and encourage you to go ahead.

We’re basically combining two homes into one and some things have to go

Garcia Estate, Canterbury Road, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 1BW. Tel: 01903 264556 Fax: 01903 830066 Colour reproduction and printing by Bishops Printers The views expressed in letters and features are not necessarily those of the publisher and acceptance of advertising does not imply endorsement.

FSC HERE

PS A big thank you to those who sent cards and letters of congratulation on my engagement. I will include a wedding photo, but it will probably be in our January issue, as we go to press with our December issue just before the wedding!

CONTACT US EDITOR Write to Jackie at the address above or e-mail womanalive@cpo.org.uk Tel: 01903 604352

SUBSCRIPTIONS For details of our latest offers, call our Subs team on 01903 604307 or visit www.womanalive.co.uk

WEBSITE Visit us at www.womanalive.co.uk for daily news stories, our events guide and more

ADVERTISING To book inserts, display or classified adverts, call Paula on 01903 604342 paulataylor@cpo.org.uk

MARKETING For promotional copies to use in your women’s group or special event, call Sharon on 01903 604358

womanalive October 3

Contents October 2011

Cover stories

Real lives 8 Rosemary Conley talks about her life, business and faith 17 Would Like To Meet Hopeful Girl goes speed dating 18 ‘I couldn’t face any more rice’ One woman’s diary of living below the poverty line for a week 22 A marriage transformed Discovering her husband has Asperger Syndrome has renewed one couple’s relationship 38 Busy doing good The business women for whom faith and work go hand in hand

Body & Soul 15 Anne Graham Lotz urges us to seek personal revival 16 God is bigger than your fears.

The author of a new book urges us to put our faith in God and stop worrying!

25 Do you trust God with your children? A thoughtful reflection from Joni 26 Too tired to pray? Creative ideas from busy mums 36 God’s promise of justice and what to do whilst we wait for the promise to be fulfilled

Make a Difference 12 Reach out to the spiritually hungry Could you provide an alternative to the psychic fairs?

34 Leave a legacy The whys and hows of making a gift in your will

26 Making time for God

8 Rosemary Conley on looking and feeling great

36 God's promise of justice

Time for you 42 Bookclub Recommended reads and an interview with Karen Kingsbury 44 Harvest Strife A short story by Veronica Heley

News, Views and Events 6 Your letters on prayer, grandchildren and the power of words 28 Veronica Zundel considers a money make-over 29 Agenda Inspiration for the month ahead 50 Man Alive Andrew Perry seeks to declutter his life 51 Next month Inside our November issue

4 October womanalive

Joining us in

October Is change to be seen as a friend or foe? We asked some of our contributors what they think

For you to win Book giveaways 10 The Secrets of Staying Young and Amazing Inch Loss Plan,

by Rosemary Conley 17 Grumble Hallelujah, by Caryn Rivadeneira 27 Soul Food For Mums, by Lucinda van der Hart and Ann France-Williams 30 A Woman’s Guide To Fasting,

by Lisa E Nelson and Remember, by Rhonda Watson 43 One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp and Longing, by Karen Kingsbury 45 Murder by Bicycle, by Veronica Heley Prizes & Giveaways

Faye y Smith

Veronica Ve o ca Heley e

F Faye meets likem minded business w women on page 38 I live in Sheffield with m my children Zach (15) a and Gabi (11). I’m a q qualified bra fitter, job c club leader, business c counsellor and trainer, d for f the th last l t three th and, years, I’ve been running my own marketing and training consultancy called Keep your Fork. As a spontaneous extrovert personality, I embrace change and have been known to create it! I certainly never expected to be a self-employed, widowed mum of two by 44! Every day, I try to grapple more and more with my complete dependency on the Lord to handle all these changes, and the truth of the words: "You don't know God is all you need, until God is all you've got". After all, if we can pull off everything in our lives without God, that's walking by sight, not faith, and we don't really need him, do we?

V Veronica presents a H Harvest mystery on p page 44 I started in crime in 1 1974 and am now c celebrating the p publication of my 68th b book. Married to a rretired probation ffi I live li in i London, L d officer, which is the setting for both my current crime series. I think the saying, ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t mess with it’, applies to a great many things in life, especially to government.

Change for the sake of change is costly, disruptive and frequently fails to achieve its objective. On the other hand, my mother used to say that a change was as good as a rest, and there are times when I welcome an interruption to my routine; to break away from my desk to meet up with a friend, experiment with a new plant in the garden, try out a different cheese or even, daringly, pick out a new holiday destination.

Lucinda van der Hart

Andrew Perry

R Read Lucinda’s advice ffor busy mums on p page 26 II’m a freelance jo journalist and mum of tw two children under tthree. I think for me, c change is one of the m many paradoxical things in the Christian life. On the one hand, it often leaves me uncomfortable and unsure. On the other, change often means that God has opened a door or an exciting new season has begun. Change – and the prospect of it – often provokes me to ask the bigger questions and look beyond my own circumstances. It throws into sharp relief my need to keep on trusting in a God big enough to transcend the many fluctuations of our human lives, yet loving enough to care about them.

A Andrew writes our M Man Alive column this m month, see page 50 II’m the Rector of St JJohn’s, Upper St L Leonards, husband to A Alison, dad to Hannah a and James, chicken w whisperer and l t t gardener. d I have h reluctant to admit to being ambivalent when to comes to change: it’s fine as long as it doesn’t involve me ... But change is part of our experience on planet earth. It’s inevitable (except from a vending machine). And change is at the heart of the Gospel: our challenge, our calling, our vocation as disciples and human beings is to move from being in the image of God to becoming the likeness of Christ. But it’s not always easy, or pain free: hence the ambivalence!

29 Uncle Bulgaria 30 Fruit spoons and peelers 31 Personalised towels Subscribe 46 Save money and receive a pretty necklace when you choose a one or two-year subscription * Please note that our competitions and giveaways are open to residents in the UK only.

Also writing for us this month are freelance writers and journalists Ali Herbert, Anne Le Tissier, Caroline Masom and Caryn Rivadeneira.

womanalive October 5

Your letters Love it? Hate it? Challenged by it? Send us your news and views on the articles in Woman Alive

We’re praying for our grandchildren How do you do it? In every issue of Woman Alive it seems there is yet another article that touches my heart. In the July issue it was The power of a praying granny.

What a wonderful encouragement to read about grandmothers who can see the fruit of years of faithful prayer: grandchildren following Jesus and living their lives for him. I suspect I am not alone in that my prayers for my grandchildren take place in a very different ‘landscape’.

Our daughter and her partner of 13 years separated last year.

Getting through the predictable, but heartbreaking, anguish has been made possible only by the grace of God, as we pray daily for three little girls whose daddy no longer lives at home.

Almost equally emotionally draining has been adjusting to the seismic shift in our relationship with our former son-in-law and his parents, who are still the girls’ grandparents, whilst continuing

to offer love and support to our daughter. How good God is that he doesn’t leave us to go it alone, but walks every step of the way with us.

We are in the business of praying for our grandchildren for the long haul and know that to place them in God’s hands is the best and safest place for them to be.

Please keep up the tremendous work you do, in tackling topics which may be painful, but which can be a real boost to readers who are going through difficult times.

JACKIE, LONDON

God has called me to pray too I always look forward to reading Woman Alive and each issue is read and reread many times!

The August issue had a lot in it that really spoke to me. I feel like a new person echoed how much my life has changed recently, with both counselling and developing a new, closer relationship with God. One article that really spoke to me was God called me to pray for the nations. I often wonder how I can discern what my calling is and what God wants me to do, but as I read the article, it was as if God was speaking to me, wanting me to pray for the nations also. It’s early days so far, but I’m learning and taking baby steps in praying for the people and issues God prompts me to consider. As I pray more, it becomes more natural to pray about all things in an almost

I have been reading Woman Alive for several years and want to thank Anne Le Tissier for her Bible studies. I have never read one article of hers that hasn’t been anything other than a real blessing. Her writings draws me closer to the Lord and to understanding his heart.

ELIZABETH, CHEADLE HULME constant conversation with God. I also enjoyed Joni Eareckson Tada’s article about the encouraging word. In today’s society, we are very good at criticising, but not as quick to encourage or to build someone up. I have recently felt God calling on me to do little things to encourage

people, even just to be friendly or patient in my day-to-day dealings with others (we used to call this “do-as-you-wouldbe-done-by” when I was younger!)

Thank you for all your work on the magazine. It is entertaining, inspiring, educational and challenging.

LESLEY, ULVERSTON

Your articles encouraged me Thank you for a great magazine. It has been amazing the way God has led you to publish material with such relevance in the current world climate. I have been particularly helped, especially through a personal crisis which left me feeling very discouraged, alone and struggling with low self-esteem.

Veronica’s article Je regrette (May) was particularly poignant for me and made me realise how much I was dwelling on the past and regretting things.

God has used several of the articles in the magazine to speak to me. It is so encouraging to read how God is leading and inspiring others to help people deal with difficult situations in their Christian walk and those who do not yet know God in a personal way.

May God continue to bless you and those who write for the magazine.

BARBARA, BANGLADESH

We’d love to hear your views on this issue of Woman Alive.

Write to Jackie at Woman Alive, CPO, Garcia Estate, Canterbury Road, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 1BW or e-mail womanalive@cpo.org.uk. Please include a full name and address with all correspondence.

6 October womanalive

LETTER OF THE MONTH Take my words ‌

I’m praying for my nation I was very touched, blessed and challenged by Rachel Spencer’s article God called me to pray for the nations (August). Since February, the challenge for me has been to form a group to pray for my nation, Zimbabwe. I am an intercessor and have been involved in the political situation of my country. Through prayer, God gave me the assignment to stand in the gap for the Zimbabwe Restoration.

LOCARDIA, CHELMSFORD

You opened a door for me!

I wrote to your magazine back in January regarding an article I’d read and was pleased to find that my letter had been published in the April issue.

I’d never had anything published before, but since then, I have had a tip in Take A Break magazine published and I entered a competition about the Royal Wedding and that is being published in an anthology for Unicef.

I have also been encouraging other people to start writing.

I want to thank you for opening the door to what I hope will be a wonderful new time in my life.

FIONA, SHEFFIELD

So often God uses a Woman Alive article to speak directly to me on a particular issue. The August issue was no exception.

One morning in July, I read something in Matthew that spoke to me powerfully and before God I mulled over the danger of careless words, painfully cringing over the memory of particular recent blunders. Two days later, I read Joni’s article Share a kind word.

Our words do have incredible power. As we get to know Jesus better by spending time with him, we learn how to speak wisely and to benefit others by what we say or refrain from saying.

I want to follow Jesus with all my heart and ask him to use my words to make other people glad and bring life. Thank the Lord that by his sacrifice for us, he has given us his righteousness and makes use of us, as we are now, warts and all!

JOANNA, SOUTHSEA Joanna wins a gift-wrapped box of fairtrade Belgian chocolates from Traidcraft, the UK’s leading fairtrade organisation ☎ 0845 330 8900 www.traidcraftshop.co.uk

I’m a carer for my parents Thank you for the book A Time To Care – Loving Your Elderly Parents (June Giveaway). It is a book I wish I’d had five or six years ago, but is no less useful now. I am able to relate to so much that Emily Ackerman says.

Although my situation is different (I live 300 miles from my parents), there must be hundreds of middle-aged women travelling up and down the country trying to support ageing parents, and feeling stretched between the needs of their husbands and children in one part of the country and the needs of their parents in another.

Emily’s book has given me much to think about and to pass on to encourage others.

I really enjoy your magazine and indeed have made a gift subscription to a friend of mine. It’s very refreshing to find a magazine that upholds true Christian principles and whilst I don’t always agree with everything in each magazine, I find it very informative.

FREDA, WITNEY

I have been meaning to write for some time about the articles at the end of Woman Alive, usually written by men!

Mostly, they have left me cold and wondering why you ever printed them, until this month when Simon Coupland caught my attention and made me laugh. If we could have more men writers like him, then I would be very happy to read their articles.

ROSEMARY, NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE

I recommend Bible reading notes

Thank you also for the article The challenge of caring (June).

I pray that more carers will find comfort and support, as the Church recognises their needs.

ANN, GILLINGHAM

I was so pleased to see the article on Bible reading notes in July’s Woman Alive.

I met Jesus 22 years ago and, after confirmation, I was advised to read the Bible as often as possible. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it, as I was working full-time, but I was introduced to some Bible reading notes and these have really helped.

I have kept up daily Bible reading ever since and I really enjoy it.

MRS WEDDERBURN, CORSHAM

womanalive October 7

I love to see

women grow

in confidence Rosemary Conley celebrates 40 years in the diet and fitness industry this month. She talks to Ali Herbert about her life, business and faith

You run a hugely successful business – diet and exercise programmes, online TV shows, food products and more – but how did it all begin?

Back in 1971 I started one class in the local village hall where we lived, with help from a few neighbours. That was a really big step and very exciting, but I had no ambition other than to run that one class. Then, because it was so successful, I gave up my job as a secretary and opened more classes.

As well as weight loss, we did ‘good grooming’ as we called it, which was basically making the most of yourself and was very popular. Then we added exercise.

By 1980 we had around 50 classes running around Leicestershire and they were very well attended.

What made you start that first class?

I’d been overweight and lost a couple of stone myself. I’d been to Weight Watchers and lost some weight with them, but then put it all back again plus more. So I knew what a slimming club did: you get weighed, talk about food and there is an element of companionship in the group. I’d done a ‘good grooming’ course when I was 18 and I’d also been a Tupperware dealer, so I was used to standing up in front of people. On top of that, I was a secretary so I knew how an office ran and, at the time, I was married

8 October womanalive

to an accountant, so I knew I could get the figures bit sorted out. It was putting all these different ingredients together. And people listened and it worked, and they came back the next week and were ecstatic at the results. And I thought, “Well I’m actually enjoying this, and I’m my own boss so that’s very exciting!”

Has your business always been a success and why do you think your particular programmes have caught on so well?

I think it was a combination of things. In 1980 I was approached by IPC Magazines and they bought my business. I ran it nationally for them, but it was a disaster. My marriage failed, the whole thing was ghastly.

It was a most unhappy time. I was very bruised when they closed it down and I went back to running my own classes again.

Then in 1986 I wrote a book The Hip and Thigh Diet which was published in 1988 and was hugely successful – and it really did work. In 1993 we went back to opening classes nationally, but as a franchise. My time with IPC made me stronger without question and I learnt lots of lessons about how not to do things.

I’ve also combined the two elements of diet and exercise. There isn’t anybody else who does both because they are quite

Woman to Woman

difficult and separate. I’m not an academic and I’m not interested in taking degrees, but I’ve qualified as an exercise teacher and have surrounded myself with brilliant experts who check everything that I do so what goes into my books is really sound.

Did you have a healthy upbringing?

I think I would consider it a healthy upbringing. I was quite a sickly child because I had terrible asthma – I still have it. As a child they didn’t think I’d live beyond ten years old and I spent three months in hospital when I was eight. But my parents were always active and we ate good food at home. While there were cakes around, we didn’t eat biscuits – and of course we didn’t eat lots of fried and fast food that is readily available now.

Do you think the nation’s diet has changed a lot?

Oh without a doubt. I was born just after the war and the aftermath of that was felt for years. I can remember seeing ration books and there was no doubt that you were careful about what you spent. My father would grow our own vegetables and he would be endlessly working in the garden – which was his full-time hobby outside of running his business. Life is very different now.

These days we are also significantly less active in our everyday lives because we drive instead of walking or cycling, and when we get to our destination we’re likely to be sitting behind a desk or screen. So now we have to actually go and do something: join the gym or go to a class, or buy the Wii Fit. So instead of activity being your lifestyle, it has to be something you bring into your life, almost like a hobby.

womanalive October 9

▲

Is it a fine line between looking and feeling good, and becoming obsessed?

Yes, I do think it’s a fine line. I can remember a time in my life when I was obsessed with food and was struggling with my weight. I thought about food the whole time. The more I thought about it, the more weight I put on, so I have been there. And while I’ve never had an eating disorder in the sense that everybody understands it, I think in a way I did have a bit of an eating disorder in so far as I was obsessed by food.

As far as image is concerned, with the advent of magazines like Hello and OK, everything is just so artificial. There is so much air-brushing and enhancement – people’s teeth are made whiter, wrinkles disappear, hair is made fuller and people are made slimmer. We’re surrounded with

Woman to Woman

this image of unreality and yet people want to attain it. So you’ve got two sides here: one is unfortunately the person who becomes entrapped in anorexia and sees herself as fat when she’s not. And the other is saying, “Well I can never be like that, so I may as well eat this, I don’t care.”

There is a saying that to become healthy, all we need to do is ‘eat less, do more’. If that is true, why do we need so many diet and exercise programmes?

It’s about getting pleasure, being motivated and giving people confidence. The thing about dieting is that it is going to need some choices that are going to be quite tough – you don’t want to eat less and you don’t want to get hot and sweaty. So you’re going to have to sell it to yourself. If you are overweight and you’ve got high cholesterol, and your blood pressure is up and somebody says, “Look, this diet works.

It’s going to be quite tough for the first month, but after that you will see such a benefit; you’ll lose a stone, you’ll feel so much better; you’ll then start getting into

the habit of it and you won’t find it difficult.” And you think, “OK, well I’ll do it for the month and see how I get on.”

How about people who aren’t too keen on vegetables and salad?

I think everybody likes some vegetables and you don’t have to live on salad – everybody can find a diet that’s healthy, irrespective of their likes and dislikes. I’m writing a ‘Stay Young’ book at the moment and the more I read and write, the more I realise that if you want to stay young you need to get your weight down, you need to eat healthily and you need to do exercise as part of your lifestyle. It’s going to help prevent dementia, it’s going to help prevent your joints seizing up, it’s going to help prevent having a heart attack or stroke. So many diseases could be avoided if we exercised more, ate healthily and kept our weight down.

What keeps you motivated after nearly 40 years of being in this business?

I’m hugely motivated by the success that other people have. So I never tire of doing our photoshoots and meeting our successful slimmers. I take them to Marks & Spencer and fit them out with clothes, take them back to our studios for hair and make-up and put them in front of a camera. They see the photographs of themselves and cry because they cannot believe how fantastic they look. My diet and clubs have given them the tools to become toned up and healthy, transformed and confident. That is worth more than money – it’s the satisfaction that my job makes a difference.

How has your faith affected your life and business?

It’s the complete foundation of it. I’m extremely grateful that I am a Christian and in the business I’m in. I’m very satisfied with my life. I don’t take it for granted and am just very fortunate that God has given me the strength, the courage and the integrity to do what we do and do it well.

I also think we owe it to God to look

10 October womanalive

after our body. Our body is a temple and we ought to look after the fabric of that temple by feeding it good food and keeping it in good order. But I must add that God loves us whether we’re 50 stone or eight stone. He loves us irrespectively and it’s really important for people to know that.

How do you maintain your energy levels for a busy life?

I still teach two classes a week – and I’ve just returned from ice-skating, which I took up when I was 60! I auditioned for the Dancing on Ice TV show which is why I started. I haven’t got on the show yet, but I can actually skate now so I might have a chance in the future! I think to maintain your energy levels, eating healthily, being happy and having a good relationship with God is the key. ■

For you to win Rosemary’s latest book The Secrets of Staying Young (Century) £20 is due out this month and we have four copies to give away. We also have two copies of her Amazing Inch Loss Plan (Arrow books) £6.99 for you to win.

Simply send your name and address to WA/ Rosemary, Woman Alive Competitions, Garcia Estate, Canterbury Road, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 1BW by 20th October and the first four names to be selected will win the latest book, plus a further two runners up will win a copy of Amazing Inch Loss Plan.

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womanalive October 11

Could you organise a

Fair?

S

ix years ago, I was invited to be part of a team taking a Christian stand to psychic fairs. There is at least one psychic fair or mind, body, spirit festival happening virtually every weekend throughout the year somewhere in the UK and thousands of people come through the doors each day for tarot readings, dream interpretations, auras, chakras and suchlike.

We were unashamedly, overtly Christian in the middle of all this, offering biblical dream interpretation, prophetic words and prayer for healing. Eventually, we were politely asked not to come back. There was such a strong anointing on our stand that the people on the neighbouring stands to ours had complained. Apparently, the positive energy from our stand was interfering with the energy source they were trying to tap into.

For some time before this, I’d felt that the church really needed to take a stand on these things and reach out to people. The feeling didn’t go away – I’d be thinking about it in the morning when I woke up, and in bed at night.

In the end, I asked people I knew who had a whole range of different creative gifts and decided to organise a special Christian Destiny Fair. I had just two months in which to get it off the ground.

We held the fair in the local village community centre. There were 23 stalls,

12 October womanalive

Michelle Smith tells Caroline Masom why Christians need to take on the world of psychic fairs

offering dream interpretations, massage, prophetic art, manicures, Psalm readings, prayer, destiny readings, herbal remedies, magnetic jewellery, photography and refreshments.

About 100 people came along, many from spiritualist churches. There were some amazing stories. An artist who works within the NHS brought along some clay and encouraged people to express themselves through modelling. A father and his young son visited this stand and were deeply touched by the experience of being creative together – something they weren’t used to doing.

A Christian GP offered mini-diagnoses and picked up on a couple of serious conditions that needed further investigation.

The prophetic artist worked on a stall by herself, but a group from another ministry was praying close by, so they could see if people reacted particularly strongly to receiving the prophetic art. They then made themselves available to pray with those who wanted it. The artist had prepared

some half-finished collages with words from the Bible on them, which she finished off for each individual who came to her stall. At least three people were so touched by the words and collages that they burst into tears when they were given one.

There were two stalls offering Psalm cards. These are cards with a picture on one side and a verse from the Bible on the other. One medium picked out two cards and when she turned them over they both had the same verse on the other side. She was so struck by this that she went and phoned her friend, complaining that it wasn’t what she’d been expecting and we were clearly from “the other side”!

People were queuing up for dream interpretations and for prayer. We also offered ‘destiny readings’ – we just asked God for a prophetic word for the person in front of us, and spoke it out when he gave it to us. We discovered that quite a few people had destiny readings from more than one stall and were amazed when the same thing was said to them each time.

Ideas to Inspire

PHOTO: Steve Hollinghurst, Church Army

We know that at least two people gave their lives to the Lord that day. One said she was going straight home to burn her tarot cards.

An atheist friend of mine came along and spent a couple of hours just watching everything. After he got home he sent me a prayer request for a friend who was ill.

He hasn’t renewed his subscription to the humanist society.

Because everything we said to the visitors was positive, everyone felt at peace. There was a good atmosphere. It went really well.

The essential thing to remember when you do something like this is that it’s a spiritual battle. Prayer is the engine room.

We had a team of intercessors praying all day in a separate room – well, it was just a large cupboard really! I met with all the stallholders for prayer twice before the fair, which again was essential to build up trust and get to know each other beforehand.

It’s a fantastic way to raise up gifting in the church – God’s people have so much creativity! Although it’s an area many Christians feel uncomfortable with, we shouldn’t be afraid. Our light is bigger and our God is bigger than the opposition.

The other thing is that people who visit

psychic fairs are spiritually hungry. They’re already searching for answers, so they can be very open.

Having done one Destiny Fair, I’m keen to do others and have already made contact with some Christians in Cambridgeshire and Suffolk. Three more fairs are in the pipeline.

I really want to help the Church to wake up to what effect psychic fairs are having on our communities. I believe that God wants us to keep re-taking the ground.

The psychic fair which kicked us out happens twice a year in a school in Norfolk.

I’ve been praying about it a lot recently and have had some encouragement that we should re-take that particular piece of ground. So we’re planning to have a Destiny Fair in the same school, a month n before the next psychic fair. I believe that tthe strength of the anointing on u us will mean that the psychics w won’t feel comfortable when th ■ they go back there.

Michelle is married to Rod and tthey have 11 grown-up children, including five adopted Kenyans and 13 grandchildren. They p pastor Wellspring Family Church in Poringland, Norfolk and are part of the leadership team for pro prophetic ministry Heartbeat, which takes prophetic and healing conferences and workshops to chu churches at their invitation. Michelle and Rod also have a ministry amo widows, orphans, churches among an a children’s hospital in Kenya and (www.healing-streams.co.uk)

Could you do it?

If you’re inspired by Michelle’s story, here are her tips for organising a Destiny Fair in your community: • Pray, and have a team of intercessors praying throughout the event.

• Get the whole team of intercessors and stallholders together to pray and get to know each other beforehand.

• It helps if you’ve already had some experience of being a Christian presence at a psychic fair.

• Advertise effectively. Look and see where psychic fairs are being advertised, and put your ads in the same places. Don’t use Christian language – it will put off and confuse the people you are trying to attract. Use terminology that reflects what they are used to. Eg Psalm readings instead of tarot readings.

• Get help with the administration and advertising.

• Raise finances. Michelle covered the cost of the hire of the hall by asking each stallholder to pay £10 per pitch and by charging for refreshments. The £150 profit made will be used to advertise the next Destiny Fair.

womanalive October 13

Rowland Hill Almshouses Director of Finance

Independent Living for Women over 55

Based at our London Office

T

PILGRIMS’ FRIEND SOCIETY is a progressive organisation with a history of successfully adapting to changing conditions in the UK’s challenging care sector. We benefit from a history that goes back more than 200 years, when The Aged Pilgrims’ Friend Society was formed to meet the needs of elderly Christians. We currently have 13 care schemes in different parts of the country offering residential, dementia and nursing care and various types of sheltered housing. All our schemes are renowned for their Christian ethos and loving care. We also share our expertise and experience with publications, conferences and workshops.

HE

By God’s grace we are experiencing expansion and growth, and are looking for a Director of Finance to play a key role as we go forward. The position involves reporting to the Chief Executive and working closely with other directors; informing all parts of our operation, including Trustees and our senior management team and all parts of our constituency, including local authorities and suppliers and contractors. If the Lord is calling you, you will: •

be a committed Christian who thinks strategically and works practically, able to lead, inspire and work closely with the Head Office finance team

•

be a professionally qualified accountant, or hold a similar professional finance qualification. You may have a background in the charity, care or housing sector or have a business finance background and the ability to quickly adapt to our sector

•

be based in our London office and be prepared to travel to visit our care schemes as necessary.

●

Each flat has individual character

●

Extensive, attractive gardens

●

Communal lounge for activities and social events

●

Experienced Scheme Manager

●

Public transport and local amenities easily accessible

The Almshouses provide a peaceful atmosphere in a delightful setting.

There are 24 flats, each having a lounge overlooking the gardens, one bedroom, a bathroom, kitchen and secure lobby access.

Initial enquiries can be made to the Scheme Manager who can provide further information or arrange a viewing.

Our head office team is friendly and supportive, and our offices on Tower Bridge Road are within easy reach of some pleasant lunch-time walks. Most of all, you will have a genuine interest in working with the talents the Lord has given you to benefit His elderly saints.

Does this sound like you? Contact: Phil Wainwright Pilgrims’ Friend Society Director of Human Resources 175 Tower Bridge Road London SE1 2AL T: 0300 303 1400 E: info@pilgrimsfriend.org.uk

www.pilgrimsfriend.org.uk 14 October womanalive

Rowland Hill Almshouses, Feltham Hill Rood, Ashford, Middlesex TW15 2DS Tel:01784 558819 E mail:rowlandhv@talktalk.net

Snapshot

Anne Graham Lotz urges us to seek an authentic, deeper and richer relationship with God

5 about Revival things I’ve learned

Anne Graham Lotz, daughter of Billy and Ruth Graham, is the president and CEO of AnGeL Ministries. In 2000, she launched her revival ministry Just Give Me Jesus and her latest book – Expecting To See Jesus – explores the life of Isaiah the prophet and encourages Christians to follow his example and seek a fresh vision of the Lord. This month, she is a guest speaker at Premier Christian Radio’s Woman to Woman conference in London

Revival is personal For some of us, the word revival provokes images of sawdust trails, emotional outbursts, off-key singing, finger-pointing preaching, and hell-fire praying. But the revival I’m talking about – the revival God is calling you and me to experience – is something completely different. It’s authentic, personal revival.

There are many good Christians who have a head knowledge of Scripture, attend church regularly, are familiar with church traditions and rituals, and are comfortable with prayer, group Bible study and outreach ministries. But there are relatively few Christians who are in love with Jesus, who put him first in their lives when doing so demands that they sacrifice their own time, money and desires. We just seem to lack a clear knowledge of God and a passionate heart for God that, combined, are the hub around which everything in our life should revolve.

Revival can comes through trials For many of us, our first connection with God comes as we’re led to him as children by our parents. Or it happens when an inspiring gospel service pulls us up out of our seat and sends us stumbling to the front of the church to publicly accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour. But, in time, our passion wanes, and our connection with God remains locked in our heads without making that move to our hearts. Then something happens: some sort of setback – or multiple setbacks. We automatically feel attacked.

But in those moments of despair, remember

that God allowed this crisis, and you and I need to be watchful for his message within the life-storm. It just might be our wake-up call. It just might be that our experience of personal revival will be triggered by a vision of the Lord that is ushered in, not in a serene moment or religious setting, but through a life-shaking event.

Revival brings a consciousness of sin One reason I have been unaware at times that I was seeing Jesus was because the experience wasn’t what I thought it would be. I thought that seeing Jesus would send me into a kind of spiritual orbit. Yet within seconds the thrill of a fresh encounter can morph from the heights of joy to the depths of depression. How could meeting Jesus make me feel so miserable and helpless?

It has been Isaiah’s testimony that has nudged me. When Isaiah saw the Lord, he felt dirty. Sinful. Wretched. Guilty. Worthless.

Think back in your life. When have you felt the acute weight and unshakeable burden of your sin? Could it be that that was your encounter with the spotless, sinless, Son of God?

Revival compels us to service While personal revival is something to be cherished in our hearts forever, it is also something that should compel us to serve the one who has set us on fire. You cannot experience personal revival in your relationship with Christ and do nothing.

What assignment has God given you?

Would you ask him? I know he has one in

mind for you because he told us clearly, through the words of the apostle Paul, that “we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).

Don’t dodge your assignment because it seems to lack any chance of success. Don’t miss your assignment because it seems such an insignificant, small thing. The size and scope of the assignment are up to him, and the lasting impact of your service are also his responsibility. You and I are simply to be faithfully available … and obedient.

Revival needs constant fuel You and I can respond to our wake-up call and experience the thrilling fire of personal revival, but if we neglect that fire, it will die out. And nothing is more miserable than a heart that has grown cold. The two primary spiritual disciples are daily, disciplined prayer and Bible reading. Don’t neglect them or ignore them, or the fire will go out!

The Bible tells us to “fan into flame the gift of God”. That gift is the Holy Spirit, who is the fire of God, igniting our personal, permanent, passionate relationship with Jesus.

■ + Adapted from Expecting To See Jesus,

by Anne Graham Lotz.

An updated and expanded version of I saw the LORD. Copyright 2011 by Anne Graham Lotz. Used by permission of Zondervan.

womanalive October 15

A chance conversation with a friend prompted Caryn Rivadeneira to face her fears

Why am I

afraid?

A

while back, my friend Tracey and I met for lunch to discuss a project. While munching on our sandwiches and sipping Diet Cokes, we talked about “big issues” women face. “Fear” came up as one of them. We agreed it was a good one, and then the strangest thing happened.

I can’t remember which one of us was first to say, “Well, I mean, I’m not afraid”.

But the other joined in, quickly adding, “Oh, me neither. I’m not afraid of anything.”

Within moments, Tracey and I had morphed from grown women (each a mother of three!) into 12-year-old boys, posturing, chests out, heads cocked, clucking our tongues as we tried to out “I’m not afraid” the other.

It was weird. But it was true. For the most part, I don’t think of myself as a chicken.

16 October womanalive

I’m not afraid – of much. I can read Stephen King in the dark, before bed, and sleep soundly. I can speak in front of crowds without butterflies. I throw my opinion into arenas where I know I’ll take a beating. I pipe up and chime in, even when I know people may disagree. I write about things that might come back to haunt me (or at least embarrass my kids).

But then the 12-year-old boys faded back into the grown women when one of us ventured, “Well ... at least not for myself. I do get afraid when I think about the kids ..”

Suddenly, we were both talking about the zillions of things we are, in fact, afraid of.

Speaking for myself, I fear that we haven’t chosen the right school. I fear we’ll have to move (and change schools) and scar my kids for life. I fear that we won’t make enough money to provide for our kids.

With that, my fears move away from parenting and right back to myself. I often fear that God is calling me to do something I don’t think I can do. Or, even worse, I fear he’ll stay silent and never call me to anything in particular. Or worse yet, that I won’t hear – or heed – the calling.

I fear fading into the background. I fear insignificance and being forgotten. I fear the choices I make on my own. I fear I’ll go right on back to feeling so distant from God. I fear that because I’m now a child of divorce, I’m more likely to get divorced myself.

I fear I’ll lose my desire to change the world. I fear things will get dark again. I fear someone will stop by unexpectedly and see how messy my house is. I fear what other people think. I fear that I’ll bother people. I fear – sometimes – that I’ll lose my mind.

Lifelines

I can’t forget my physical fears: I’m afraid of snakes, heights, and open-backed staircases. I could go on and on. I’m afraid of a lot.

And yet, the Bible says – God says! – do not be afraid. I once read that we’re told this – not to fear – more than 100 times in the Bible. According to a colleague of mine, “Fear is addressed a lot more frequently than, say, lust or pride.” Interesting. More than some deadly sins. Huh. And yet I am so often afraid.

Perhaps God understands the deadliness of fear.

The other night when talking about this, someone told me, “God and fear cannot occupy the same space.” I can’t get that out of my head. I’m not sure it’s right theologically. I mean, if I believe (and I do) that the Holy Spirit resides in me and that my body is the temple of God, I’m sure God occupies a space in me.

And so does fear, often enough.

So I don’t think the guy is right. I think God and fear can

We’re told not to fear more than 100 times in the Bible occupy the same space. But it’s a ridiculous image. Picture it with me. Think of something that terrifies you. For me, that might be having to climb open-backed stairs with a nest of snakes on my way to my kids’ new school because God has called me to something new.

Now picture God next to it. Occupying the same space.

Honestly, it makes me laugh. Even if you picture fear as giant and mighty and growling and grabbing, how can it measure up next to God? God! Warm, strong, open, loving. Hands ready, arms wide and big, eyes smiling.

Of course, if your image of God is whacked-out, this might get tricky. If you picture God as aloof or uncaring, or full of shrugs and with a “not my problem!” attitude then you’ve got a problem.

You need to work on your image of God. You need to get to know the Big God, the Loving God, the Warrior God, the HandHolding God, the It-Is-My-Problem God. You need to know – and picture – the God who says these words: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the ■ Holy One of Israel, your Saviour” (Isaiah 43:2-4).

For You To Win Read more about how Caryn copes with the ups and downs of life in Grumble Hallelujah, by Caryn Dahlstrand Rivadeneira (Tyndale House ISBN 978 1 4143 3801 9 £9.99). We have 5 copies to give away to readers. For your chance to win, simply send your name and address to WA/Grumble, Woman Alive Competitions, CPO, Garcia Estate, Canterbury Road, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 1BW by 20th October and the first 5 names to be selected on that day will each win a copy of the book.

Would like to meet …

The real-life diary of a 30-something Christian woman looking for love

S

peed dating used to sound like the scariest thing imaginable, but after nearly two years, I’ve become pretty blasé about singles events. It seems best to approach them simply as a fun evening and a chance to chat to new people, with no expectation whatsoever of meeting Mr Right.

Still, you can’t help but hope this might be the day you hit the jackpot. But as I entered the back room of a pub for a Christian speed dating event, my hope ebbed away. You know the phrase “a face like an unmade bed”? Well, this was like walking into a ward full of unmade beds. Around 20 scruffy, paunchy, grey, dejected-looking men gazed back at me. Looks aren’t everything but seriously, chaps, if you’re looking for a wife, it wouldn’t hurt to run an iron over your shirt and drag a comb through your hair.

The tables were arranged around the room for the ladies to sit at.

As we got settled, I chatted to the girl at the next table. It was NiceGirl’s first singles event and she was none too excited by the prospect. “I feel like I’m in a roomful of my friends’ dads,” she whispered. “Why don’t they warn Christian women that if you don’t bag yourself a husband in your 20s, this is where you end up?” I couldn’t disagree. Still, I prepared to launch myself into the proceedings with enthusiasm.

Here’s how it works. Each ‘date’ lasts four minutes. Then a bell sounds and the men move on to the next table. You tick “yes” or “no” on your sheet to indicate if you’d like to meet the person again. If you both tick “yes”, you’re a match. Between chats, you’re given a minute to make notes so you have a fighting chance of remembering who “number 12” was – “Welsh beekeeper with Harry Potter specs”, that kind of thing. The organisers later crunch the numbers and e-mail you with your matches.

My 20 ‘dates’ passed in a blur. But one, I’ll never forget.

HaughtyMan fired a list of questions at me. At each answer, he gave me a disapproving look and openly made notes on his sheet – even while I was talking!

“So, Hopefulgirl, what kind of cook are you?” demanded HaughtyMan. “Er, well, I’m a vegetarian …” I faltered. He raised his eyebrows. “But what if I want meat?” he enquired seriously. A giggle escaped. I couldn’t help it. “Are you recruiting for a housekeeper?” I asked, incredulously.

HaughtyMan launched into a lecture about biblical roles within marriage, but thankfully the bell went and he had to move on. I winked at NiceGirl as he sat himself down at her table. He clearly thought he was there to assess the merchandise on offer and select himself a wife. Never mind that every woman in the room was out of his league. I doubt I got a “yes” on HaughtyMan’s sheet, but I reckon I’ll get over it.

As I put on my coat, NiceGirl said, “You know, HopefulGirl, I’m not a lesbian, but you’re the nicest person I’ve met this evening.” I laughed and promised to drop her a line on the Christian dating website we both belong to. You see, you DO meet great people at singles events. Unfortunately, they’re usually women! *Some details changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty)

TIP OF THE MONTH www.christian-dating-uk.co.uk is a free website for all denominations. Click on your county to browse local singles.

womanalive October 17

Think about it. You have only £1 a day to spend on food or drink for a working week. Anna Rogers took up the challenge and shares her diary of how she got on

Could you

£1

survive on

a day?

Day 0 – Shopping on a shoestring I agreed to do Live Below the Line in a fit of enthusiasm about a month ago, picturing wonderful lentil and pumpkin dishes and planning to amaze my colleagues with exactly how far I could make £1 go.

I thought that living in an area of London that iss bristling with pound shops, market stalls, and butchers that sell chicken feet and cow hooves would be a ut distinct advantage. But his when I got to the market this evening, I discovered that e. everything costs £1 or more.

Undeterred, I went to the local supermarket. I must have stood for over 15 minutes picking up and putting down various bags of rice. I wanted a 2kg bag; I could only afford 1kg. I was getting a bit embarrassed standing there in a fog of indecision, particularly because there was a man standing somewhere behind my left shoulder who was taking as long as I was to choose. Eventually, I settled on buying 1kg rice, 1kg mixed frozen veg, butter, eggs and bread. I was hoping to have 62p over for a bag of sugar, but it wasn’t to be.

I talked to lots of people about Live Below the Line this weekend. I quickly discovered that everyone has an opinion on

18 October womanalive

The challenge Earlier this year, the Methodist Relief and Development Fund (MRDF) challenged people throughout the UK to try living below the global poverty line, with a budget of just £5 for all of their meals over five days. The idea was that peo people asked their friends and families to sponsor them and the funds fund raised were used to help some of the world’s most vulnerable people pe to work their way out of poverty.

MRDF was one of the charity partners in the Live Below the Line L initiative, which was run by educational organisation, the Global Poverty Project.

the th h b bestt ffoods d to t buy b and d the cheapest shops to go to.

Sever Several people helpfully told h I should have bought. Or me what what they would buy. It made me think about our reactions to people living in extreme poverty.

Everyone has an opinion on what people living in the world’s poorest communities should do to escape poverty (Why don’t they just … move to a different location/ refuse all foreign aid/have fewer kids/etc.)

The thing is that I made my decisions on what to do with my £1 a day based on local knowledge (actually butter is cheaper than margarine when you buy it in small quantities and lentils are unexpectedly expensive). I’m sure that the decision making process is probably not dissimilar in

iti th li i b l th communities thatt are living below the poverty line. Perhaps the time for speculation about what people should do is over and the time for asking them what they want to do and enabling them to do it has begun.

Day 1 – Every grain counts Lunch today was my first proper Live Below the Line meal. (I’m not counting breakfast, because two slices of toast with butter and a glass of water is actually quite close to what I would usually eat.) It was rice with onion, carrot, swede and some anonymous white vegetable that I hoped was turnip, but turned out to be soggy, overcooked potato. It wasn’t cordon bleu, but also

Real Lives

more, but tastes and textures as well, and after boiled rice for lunch, egg fried rice with vegetables was delicious.

Day 2 – Give us this day our daily bread

Money raised through Live Below the Line is enabling people like Nabuuto (right) in Malawi to access the training they need to work their way out of poverty

Day 3 – Food as fuel

Anna spent a long time thinking about the food she should buy

I eat almost everything quite cheerfully and secretly quite like stodgy airline or school dinner food. I’ve also had lots of practice at eating whatever is put in front of me when I’ve been travelling overseas, whether I would usually choose to eat it or not. (Deep fried cheese with sour cream on top, for breakfast, in Belarus was a particularly interesting experience.) So I was surprised at myself this lunchtime when I didn’t really want to touch my rice and veggies.

At around 3pm, I realised that my energy levels were dropping and forced myself to dig in. I like rice, and turnip, swede, carrot and onion, but today I really was eating for fuel, to get through the afternoon rather than for pleasure.

Conversely, smells have started to become much more important. I’ve got the worst

womanalive October 19

▲

wasn’t too bad and I was heartened by the fact that there was a reasonable amount of it.

The thing I’ve discovered about Live Below the Line cooking is that you start to value food in a different way. I have marked my butter into five separate portions, counted the slices of bread to work out how many I can have each day and weighed my rice and frozen veg before each meal to ensure that I will have enough to last the week.

I can’t afford to let food spoil by storing it wrongly, spilling it, or burning it in the bottom of the pan, because if I do any of these things I can’t just start again with more food – I have to skip a meal. The result is that I’m giving boiling rice the level of attention I would usually only give to tasks involving hazardous chemicals!

By the time I got round to cooking my tea last night, I was getting a bit shaky, so put the stereo on and treated my flatmates to a full vocal rendition of some of the Scissor Sisters’ greatest hits (lucky them) in an effort to take my mind off feeling hungry. I’ve got to say that despite its bland appearance, it was one of the best meals I’d had in ages.

It’s not just quantities that I’m appreciating

Usually this line of the Lord’s prayer is something I mumble without a lot of thought, in between “your will be done” and “forgive us our sins”. But this week it’s come to have more significance. It’s strange that the less food I have, the more grateful I am for it. It got me thinking about other times that food is referenced in the Bible.

From manna in the desert, to the feeding of the 5,000, God continually manifests himself to his people using food. Jesus even uses food metaphors to describe his divine nature, using descriptions such as the bread of life and the true vine.

I’m gradually discovering exactly how much I need of the right food to get me through the day and what happens if I don’t get it at the right times. (If last night is anything to go by, I lose the ability to talk to anyone and manifest a steely, singleminded determination to get to my rice bag as quickly as possible by around 6.45pm.

One of my housemates was left baffled by a very mumbly and incoherent summary of my day as I rushed towards the kitchen. I cheered up significantly after a one-egg omelette, rice and vegetables, and was able to actually ask her how she was.)

As I develop an understanding of how much I need food in my physical life, it’s making me consider just how essential God’s presence is to my spiritual well being.

Real Lives

It’s rice for lunch again!

“Don’t put ideas in my head,” through slightly gritted teeth.

My housemates, on the other hand, both come from Christian traditions where sustained fasting is fairly commonplace and have friends who complete Ramadan – so are used to people not eating and are taking my strange, not-quite fast in their stride. They are both being very sweet about not eating chocolate in front of me though!

Day 5 – The Jelly Babies are in sight!

sense of smell in my family. (I maintain that shortly after moving into my current neighbourhood, with its fish shops that smell of a combination of disinfectant, rotting fish and exhaust fumes, my nasal passages have shut down in self-defence.) So I was very surprised to find the smell of coffee in the office delicious – especially since I hate the taste of coffee and never drink it out of choice. I’ve found myself hanging around posh toiletry shops on the way home just to savour the ‘bergamot and cinnamon’ aromas.

I had no idea that changing my diet was going to affect me like this!

Day 4 – The many ways of hiding rice I’ll come out straight away and admit it; I’m in a foul mood. I’m unsure whether this is because I am doing Live Below the Line and am missing sugar horribly in any form and (oddly) gravy. Or whether it’s because my back went into spasm this morning and I’m typing this from the floor, with my laptop balanced on my stomach. Probably a combination of the two.

I couldn’t face any more rice last night, so had poached egg on toast instead. My body disagreed with this choice and proceeded to tell me so by giving me the shakes between half seven and ten o’clock, when I admitted defeat and went to sleep. I have eaten plain fried rice for breakfast this morning to appease it and have to admit that I do feel better.

I thought that my evening meal choices this week were going to revolve around doing interesting things with egg in an attempt to get some variety into my diet. In fact they’ve very quickly become an exercise in hiding from myself the fact I’m eating rice. So far, egg fried rice and omelette with roast vegetables and rice are my favourite ‘disguise-the-rice’ dishes.

I’m quite a family-oriented soul, and speak to my parents most nights. My mum keeps trying to make me promise to eat immediately if I feel faint, while my dad keeps gleefully coming up with ways to tempt me to cheat. (You could just go down to McDonalds you know, no one would find out; surely you’re allowed a beer?

That’s not food …) I’ve taken to muttering

Not long left now! I am going home this weekend and my sister has promised me Jelly Babies as a reward to replying to her e-mail about bridesmaid dress patterns – she’s getting married soon. I don’t think she realises quite how much I’m looking o those sweets! I’ve even forward to decide e which colour I want to decided eat first (red and black – th h they’re the best flavours). I’m g going to be gutted if she’s ssnaffled all the nice ones and there are only green and yellow Jelly Babies left!

Whilst I’m eager to end m my week, I’m pleased that I will have completed it. I am never g going to fully understand what it’s like to live on £1 a day, because if, at any point, it had got too much I could have reached into my purse and bought whatever I needed.

I’m probably never going to face years of sustained malnutrition and watching my children continually get ill because I can’t give them enough of the right foods. But I have experienced enough to know that no one should have to spend more than a week living like this.

Last year MRDF helped 15,000 people to feel more secure about where their next meal was coming from. You can help make that number higher by Living Below the Line for MRDF and asking your friends and family to sponsor you. I dare you to give it ■ a go. + If you are interested in taking part in MRDF’s Live Below the Line next year, visit www.mrdf.org.uk. MRDF are also currently selling a range of virtual gifts that will enable some of the world’s most vulnerable people to live above the global poverty line. Visit their website to find out more.

20 October womanalive

Wom

Follow our latest news @ blog.christianfocus.com

Fighting Fear with Faith

I am my Sister’s Keeper

Weathering the Storms with God’s Promises Denise George Using stories of people from Biblical, Christian history and contemporary experience, the reader is inspired by the courage and strength displayed to seek a life connected to the strong root of Jesus that can withstand the fiercest most frightening storms!

ISBN 978-1-84550-716-9 | £7.99

Reaching out to Wounded Women Denise George Through biblical and contemporary stories of wounded women, George’s advice guides readers in how to pray, offer a listening ear, share from their own experiences and encourage others with God’s promises.

ISBN 978-1-84550-717-6 | £7.99

Woman of Faith and Courage

Dealing with Depression

Vance Christie The stories of five women (Susanna Wesley, Fanny Crosby, Catherine Booth, Mary Slessor and Corrie ten Boom) in evangelism, missions pioneering, ministries of compassion and the nurturing of their own families.

“He has written each life story in such a vibrant way, truly making each of the five women come alive.”

Helen Roseveare ISBN 978-1-84550-686-5 | £8.99

Trusting God through the dark times Sarah Collins & Jayne Haynes “This booklet will be a great help both to the many Christians who experience depression and to those who seek to help them. It is an excellent combination of biblical principles, medical knowledge and pastoral wisdom.” Vaughan Roberts ISBN 978-1-84550-633-9 | £4.99

What the Bible Means to me?

Letters with Love

Testimonies of How God’s Word impacts Lives Edited by Catherine Mackenzie From all backgrounds, nationalities and cultures people are remarkably different but also intriguingly the same, in that God’s Word has something to say to all mankind. In this book both well know and less known Christians summarise what the Bible means to them.

ISBN 978-1-84550-723-7 | £7.99

Cecil Bewes 365 personal and practical readings which reflect the wide Christian experience of the author. The readings and prayers were written to encourage a young person during illness. Through these readings you will learn more of the truths of Scripture and how to rely on them through every situation.

ISBN 978-1-84550-739-8 | £11.99

365 Great Bible Stories The Good News of Jesus from Genesis to Revelation Carine Mackenzie’s 150th book A Bible story for each day of the year. You can track themes and discover in God’s Word the special friend that you can make – Jesus Christ, the true Saviour.

For 8-12 years old.

ISBN 978-1-84550-540-0 | £12.99

The Magnificent Amazing Time Machine A Journey Back to the Cross Sinclair B. Ferguson Take a deep breath. You’re going on a journey back in time. Get on board the time machine that will take you back to the Cross and the beginning of time itself.

ISBN 978-1-84550-547-9 £7.99

Available at Christian Bookshops, or order online www.christianfocus.com or Tel: 01862 871011

WomanAlive_template.indd 1

womanalive February 00

10/08/2011 11:23:14

My husband has

Asperger

syndrome

PHOTO: Dave Shipley

Heather Rowe explains how discovering the reasons for her husband’s behaviour has changed her attitude – and her marriage

22 October womanalive

P

aul and I love each other very much, but our marriage has been full of many frustrations and misunderstandings over the 25 years we have been together.

I have felt so many times that he was being insensitive and sometimes things he said have seemed almost cruel. He has an obsessive interest in computer games – and social situations have often been a nightmare. For example, at family gatherings he would suddenly go into another room to play his games or read a book.

On many occasions I have gone into my room and cried my eyes out.

In one of my quiet times last year I read these words from Mark 4:22: “For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.”

I have been writing a journal for many years, and looking back on it I see I have often cried out to God about all of this. I have felt so guilty, thinking it was my fault because my reactions to my husband’s behaviour have not always been helpful.

God has been wonderful and comforted me, but there was never an answer to my constant question, “Why?” On the day that I read those words from Mark’s Gospel, God seemed to speak to my heart. I felt really strongly that something would be brought out in the open. I had no idea what it would be, but I knew it was about my husband.

The following month I again had a heavy expectancy that something that was hidden was going to be exposed. I felt it would be painful, but also a huge relief. I also felt that it would bring me into freedom.

I prayed that God would control my response and that it would be pleasing to him.

I knew

Inside Story

Now I know what’s going on, it has transformed how I respond to Paul without a doubt that he had it all in hand.

One day I cried out to God, “Lord, my husband’s arrogance, his cynicism, his neglect, his hostility are laying heavily on me like a massive weight!” I felt God say, “Why are you wearing them?”

I told him that maybe I had been putting them on one by one for years, bearing the results of them – and the resentment had built up. I had been wearing them by my own reactions.

I felt God say, “What are you going to do with them?”

I said I would take it all and nail it to the cross. The arrogance, pride, resentment, cynicism, neglect, hostility. God seemed to say, “What do you have left?”

I said, “I am seeing a lonely, frightened little boy.”

God said, “Do you think you could love him?”

I said, “Oh yes, I could love him. I could take him in my arms and comfort him.”

God told me to try to see that lonely, frightened little boy every time I looked at my husband. He told me to look beyond all the other rubbish because he took all of that on himself on the cross.

Then, last October, I found out that my husband had Asperger syndrome. It all started when a neighbour began chatting and spoke about her marriage of 23 years.

It sounded so like mine.

She said she felt as if she had been banging her head against a brick wall, or talking to a deaf person. Then, after many years of marriage, she had discovered that her husband had Asperger syndrome. She had been talking to my husband not long before and believed that he had it too. The knowledge, she said, would revolutionise our marriage.

I started to do some research, and as I read the traits of someone with the condition it was as if it was describing my husband.

Asperger syndrome is a neurological condition, a form of autism. Those who have it have no concept of non-verbal communication. They cannot read people's non-verbal signals. They can’t imagine how someone is feeling or put themselves into

someone else’s shoes. They have no instinctive empathy skills at all. They also have obsessive interests, focusing for abnormally long periods on one thing that interests them.

People with the condition often have a high IQ and think logically. If they say something that is inappropriate, they cannot understand how it could hurt or make someone feel uncomfortable. They don’t mean to be rude – they just say what comes into their head!

It was like a light being switched on our marriage. It explained absolutely everything!

It also explained why my reactions had been so wrong, why my husband withdraws for hours on end every day and why I couldn’t get through to him when I tried to tell him how I felt.

Paul easily gets sensory overload. An emotional outburst can drive him to take himself off to shut down and recharge.

Social situations for someone with Asperger syndrome are a nightmare. Even though Paul can talk at length about a subject he is interested in, social chitchat makes him anxious because he’s unable to read the social cues (body language; facial expressions). He also can’t explain how he feels about it.

Now I know what’s going on, it has transformed how I respond to Paul. But it is still tough. Knowing he can never give me the kind of emotional support I sometimes need is hard, but over time he can learn these things intellectually, even though they will never be instinctive.

People with the condition learn from observing others and so I can teach him what I need. I can also learn about his needs and how to respond to them through educating myself about the condition.

It felt really weird at first (and sometimes still does) because it was like suddenly being married to a stranger! But now my eyes are opened, I see the vulnerable, anxious little boy that God revealed to me last year. I know I love him and it will be OK. The reason God hinted at this all those months ago is so that I would know that he is behind all this and he is in control – and that this isn’t all my imagination. Wow – God is wonderful! ■

More about Asperger syndrome The National Autistic Society says: ● The first definition of the syndrome was published over 50 years ago by Hans Asperger, a Viennese paediatrician. ● Asperger syndrome shares many of the same characteristics as autism although people with it do not usually have accompanying learning disabilities. ● There are over half a million people in the UK with an autism spectrum disorder (around 1 in 100). ● People with Asperger syndrome come from all nationalities, cultures, social backgrounds and religions. ● The condition appears to be more common in males than females; the reason for this is unknown.

For further information and advice visit www.autism.org.uk or call the Autism Helpline 0808 800 4104 Heather recommends the following books: The Complete Guide to Asperger’s syndrome by Tony Attwood (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, £15.99) Alone Together – Making an Asperger Marriage Work by Katrin Bentley (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, £13.99) The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome by Maxine Aston (Autism Asperger Publishing Co, US, £7.95) 22 Things a Woman Must Know by Rudy Simone (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, £9.99)

womanalive October 23

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LIFE IS A JOURNEY

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24 October womanalive

Abundant life

Do you trust God with your children?

Joni Eareckson Tada ponders the story of the mother of James and John

E

very mother wants to see her child promoted. A mother’s heart longs for her son or daughter to experience the best in life … to receive honour … and to avoid hardship and heartache. As women, we want the best for our kids!

In the Bible, the mother of James and John felt the same. We get a peek into this woman’s heart in Matthew 20:20-21, “Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favour of him. ‘Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.’”

I don’t think she knew what she was asking, though. She wanted Jesus to bestow honour on her sons, but instead, was told they would drink from the same cup as the Lord’s. No one knows if she realised that Jesus was describing his cruel death. We don’t know if she understood that this meant martyrdom for her sons.

This dear mother is not all that unusual.

Every parent wants to see his child rise above his peers. Win the spelling bee … make the Dean’s list … be the captain of the team! But God may have a different

God’s plan for every child is always the best plan for that child, one not as glamorous or as full of accolades. The point being? A parent’s desire for a child’s advancement must always be held in check as mum and dad pray that God’s will be done in their child’s life.

Somehow I believe the mother of James and John ended up understanding this.

When you flip over to Matthew 27 you read

a startling fact about this same woman.

“Many women were there [at the cross].

They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. Among them were Mary Magdalene ... and the mother of Zebedee’s sons.”

The mother of James and John was one of the few who remained by the cross of Jesus. She saw firsthand the terrible cup that

her Lord had talked about weeks earlier.

She may have realised then the hardships her sons were destined to face. What about you? Can you place your child and his or her future in the hands of your Saviour? Join me today in believing that God’s plan for every child is always the best! How can you be sure? My friend, if Jesus loved your son or daughter enough to die for them, then God knows the best plan for their life! ■ • Joni Eareckson Tada is an advocate for disabled people and partners with the UK organisation Through the Roof Tel: 01372 749955 www.throughtheroof.org

womanalive October 25

How does a busy young mum connect with God on a day-to-day basis?

Lucinda van der Hart offers encouragement and some practical ideas

I’m too tired to think,

let alone O

h dear, we’ve run out of milk,” announced Lydia – mum of three children under three – as she boiled the kettle to make our drinks.

“Anyone object to having formula milk in their coffee?”

It was one of those moments when mentally you step outside your situation, look in on it and laugh out loud. If the premotherhood me could have known what life would be like once children were in my world, she might have been somewhat surprised. Now that I am mum to a twoand-a-half-year-old and eight-month-old, formula milk in the coffee is par for the course.

As Jennifer Lopez once said, parenthood “… totally changes your perspective on everything”. And as Christian mothers, not least affected is our faith. Yolanda, mum of two toddlers, said, “I always used to have a time of the day when I sat down and read my Bible and prayed, but when I had kids I just didn’t know how to have a relationship with God.”

“

26 October womanalive

pray…

Over the past year, a friend (who is also a mum of two little ones) and I have written a devotional book for mums of babies – Soul Food for Mums. The book was born out of my feeling just like Yolanda – that quiet times in the traditional sense of a physically silent ‘God-slot’ with time for prayer and Bible reading – had become somehow impossible now that I had severe sleep deprivation and ‘baby brain’ to contend with.

Rachel Hughes, mum of three pre-school children, explains how she found it increasingly difficult to build her relationship with God once she became a mum. “This time last year, I was feeling spiritually dead,” she says. “I felt so cross with God. ‘Is this my lot?’, I asked him. ‘My husband is seeing all the exciting spiritual stuff, and I am just looking after children. That is my existence.’ I was very pregnant with my

third child at the time, and was feeling a bit fed up.”

A year on, Rachel feels very different – but she wants to hold onto how she felt previously in order to be able to minister to other mums in a similar place. “I want to remember that so many mums experience that sense of distance from God, and feel left out of church,” she says.

Following her experience, Rachel, along with a team of others from her church, Holy Trinity Brompton, has launched a ministry to reach mums of young children, called MOLO (which stands for Mums of Little Ones). The vision for MOLO is to gather together the ‘spiritually knackered’ preschool mums and provide a space for them to connect and really encourage each other without children being present. To this end, MOLO is taking the form of an evening of child-free worship, teaching and

Solutions

Creative ideas for praying at home ■ Take a long, hot bath once your children are asleep. Enjoy the peace and silence in your home, meditating on this verse: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

■ The next time you prepare a meal, put on a CD of worship music. Use this as a time to thank God for his provision for you and your family.

■ As you wash up, reflect on how God washes us clean. Read Psalm 51:7 before you start.

■ Start reading a Bible story with your child before bed, and ask God to speak to you, as well as your child, through what you read together.

■ A simple walk to the shops or the park (perhaps with your child in a buggy) can become a prayer time. If you’re tired, just focus on sending up short ‘arrow’ prayers of ‘help’ or ‘thanks’ to God.

prayer. A huge sale of baby clothes and toys to which the MOLOs can invite their mumfriends is also being planned.

“We need God to come and fill us, re-envision us, to equip us. We need to create an honest community of mums where we don’t pretend that everything is OK all the time …” says Rachel. “… and then we can go out and feel impassioned to share the Good News.”

Lizzie Bassford, a member of Openshaw Community Church in Manchester and mum of two, has also identified the need that many mums of young children have for encouragement in their faith. Families with pre-school aged children make up two thirds of her church community and, keen to build up the mums there, Lizzie and a group of friends decided to plan a conference for 2012 specifically for them and other mums.

They chose the name Captivated and Lizzie created a group on the social networking website Facebook, intending to do a little publicity for the event. But the Facebook group grew, and as a consequence Lizzie started writing a blog – now popular with mums who also want to remain

captivated by Jesus through the early parenting phase.

“There are lots of women who are desperate for some spiritual encouragement – it’s not just friends in my church,” Lizzie says. Her vision for Captivated is to encourage others in their identity as mothers, and to inspire them to share Jesus with those around them.

“As a mum of young children, it’s sometimes easy to hide behind all the discussion about nappies and poo,” she says. “It can be a challenge to be intentional about our friendships with non-Christians.

But I’m desperate to share Jesus with people.”

So how, as a busy, home-based mum, does Lizzie connect with God day-to-day?

She explains that she has to make a “deliberate choice” to spend time with God. “When it’s the children’s nap time, I could either go on Facebook, do the washing-up or spend a bit of time with God and read my Bible,” she says. She also incorporates God into her daily tasks. “I do lots of listening to preachers online when I am chopping vegetables for the children’s tea. I also meet up regularly with a friend to pray, and try to bring prayer into all my friendships.”

For a mum of young children, receiving at church is often also a challenge. “I spent two and a half years frustrated that I couldn’t meet God in church anymore,” says Rachel. “Another church service would come and go and I would have sat in the crèche for the entire time. I remember praying so many times, God, where can I find you? I need you. And I kept sensing God say, ‘you’ve got to find me out of the meeting’. I began to see that if my faith was reliant on meeting with God in a church service, then my faith was in trouble.”

If church becomes a place where an encounter with God is no longer a real possibility, then our day-to-day spirituality as mums becomes even more important.

But instead of this becoming a pressure, can it become an amazing opportunity to think outside the box about how to weave God into all we are, and do, as mothers?

Rachel has started getting up 15 minutes before her children in order to pray, and she also meets with several friends and their children every Monday morning to “… pray through the chaos”. Lizzie and her children attend a mid-week ‘Baby Church’ – “a jazzed-up Sunday school with a craft time and song time. Then the children play while the parents pray.”

Today, my main time with God was while I fed my baby in a dimmed room before he went to sleep. Often during this time I reflect on a psalm, or even just one verse of a psalm. Sometimes I learn it over the course of a few feeding times, and then mentally carry it around with me, trying to bring it to mind as I go through my day.

God is present with me, nourishing me as I nourish my child.

As another mum said, “You don’t have to be silent when you pray, you can pray with noise all around. I used to think that proper prayer was just me, my Bible and silence, but it was freeing to discover that prayer can take place anywhere.”

Through this season of motherhood, I am learning things about God – and how to meet with him a little more creatively – that I don’t think I could have learned before children came along. And for that, I’m ■ grateful.

For you to win We have 7 copies of Soul Food For Mums, by Lucinda van der Hart and Anna FranceWilliams (IVP) to give away to readers. For your chance to win, simply send your name and address to WA/Soul Food, Woman Alive Competitions, CPO, Garcia Estate, Canterbury Road, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 1BW by 20th October and the first 7 names to be selected on that day will each receive a copy of the book.

womanalive October 27

Hear me out

Do I need a money makeover?

An introduction to an investment website makes Veronica Zundel question how she is using her own financial assets

L

ast night our home group leader showed us (on his iPad, how cool is that?) information about a US financial advice organisation. The purpose of this body (apart from making money, I suspect) seems to be to help Christians make the most of their money. At a cursory glance, their message was, “God wants you to invest”.

Now I should be fair to this organisation, and admit they do appear to have a higher intention: that Christians who can take the money they have and make more of it, should then be able to give more to worthy causes. So although they seem to have bought into the ‘God wants you to be rich’ heresy, they do at least think the point of Christians being rich is that they should be able to be more generous.

Still I can’t help feeling there’s something wrong here. I click daily on a US website supported by advertising, which gives food to the hungry for every click. Imagine my shock when I realised that part of this website’s remit is to give food to poor people in America. There was I, imagining my click was feeding the hungry in Africa and maybe India, and suddenly I find I am subsidising food for citizens of one of the richest, and certainly the most powerful, countries in the world! Why on earth are Americans needing to be fed by Britons?

And that, for me, pinpoints the problem I have with that financial advice site. If you were one of those less fortunate, would you really want to be dependent on the handouts, the surplus, of Christians who no doubt live very comfortable and sheltered lives? I don’t know the investors who seek advice on this site, or the people who run it, but I’d bet my best pair of knickers that they vote for a party which believes in reducing social security, and think that ‘social justice’ is a dirty word (well, two dirty words, to be precise). Why aren’t these powerful, well off people using their energies and spare time to campaign for a just economic system, rather than looking for ways to make their money make more money?

And another thing. I didn’t get the

impression (although I may be doing them an injustice) that they were an ethical investment advisor. Oh, I’m sure they won’t be telling you to invest in gambling, sex shops or alcohol. (Maybe not arms either, though you can’t be sure with Americans – I was taken aback recently to find a US online friend, whom I regard as a conservative evangelical, owned a gun!)

But I suspect they do not promote investments in fair trade, microcredit or social enterprises. Their prime objective seems to be to get people into the ‘best’ investments – ie those with the highest financial return.

Now before you mutter something about motes and beams, I confess: I’m not entirely sure my own use of money is all that Christian either. We are a low income, high capital household, who own three ‘properties’, two of which are let out (though currently both to fellow Christians who pay less rent than we could get from

Suddenly I find I am subsidising food for citizens of one of the richest countries in the world

Veronica Zundel is an author and regular contributor to Bible Reading Fellowship’s New Daylight series ILLUSTRATION: IAN MITCHELL

28 October womanalive

others). When my mother dies, I will be sole heir to considerable savings and a valuable London house. I am, by any fair standards, quite well off.

Yes, I have switched all the shares my parents gave me to ethical investments. And I don’t care if I earn less interest than I might. Yes, most of our capital has come from the compensation pension the Austrian government pays to my mother as a Holocaust survivor (I like to thank Hitler for our present affluence ... ) But am I really using my financial security as Jesus would have me do? Or am I much more ready to spend on myself and my desires than on the gaping need of the world?

When I was young, I was much impressed by an article a friend wrote for the magazine I worked for. It was about how John Wesley used to make an annual budget for what he really needed, and then give everything else away. Wesley managed to live, if I recall correctly, on £28 a year, and gave away tens of thousands he earned from writing. My friend followed suit, though the sums were somewhat different.

Admittedly, when he married my boss, they did have a slight disagreement about how essential her nightly glass of sherry was. And there’s the rub: how do we decide what we actually need? Do I really need a new dress just because I have worn the same old one at every party for the last ten years? It still looks good, and no one will recognise it ...

I’ve never managed to follow my friend’s example. And I do wonder how it worked out once he had kids. Yet I still believe it is a fair interpretation of Jesus’ instructions to the rich young man to “sell everything you have and give to the poor”. Oh well – whatever I think about that ‘Christian’ investment service, they have certainly made me think again about how I regard ‘my’ money. Which means they have at least done some good.

■

Relaxation, entertainment and inspiration

Save the date CWR’s popular Women’s Christmas Celebration welcomes Abby Guinness, as their guest speaker on Tuesday 6th December. To book call 01252 784719 or visit www.cwr. org.uk (£19.50 including lunch or £17.55 for bookings made before 11th October)

A place to go Enjoy an autumn walk through the National Trust’s woodlands and gardens.

A number of properties are offering guided tours this month, including Powis Castle and garden, Powys (01938 551929), Arlington Court, Devon (01271 850296), Claremont Landscape Garden, Surrey (01372 467806), Stourhead, Wiltshire ( 0844 249 1895) and Upper Wharfedale (01729 830416) and Fountains Abbey (above) (01765 608888) in North Yorkshire.

Make a difference . . . . . . with a cup of tea This autumn you’re invited to brew and bake for charity.

Food writer Jane Fearnley-Whittingstall heads up The Big Tea event for Independent Age (1-7 October), whilst best-selling cookery author Mary Berry is supporting the Meningitis UK Time4Tea initiative, which runs throughout the autumn months.

It’s the perfect opportunity to dust off your china, bake some cakes and invite friends and colleagues to make a donation for their tea.

For you to win Remember the Wombles? We have Uncle Bulgaria for you to win. He’s part of the Past Times Childhood Memories collection and costs £14. (Available online at www. pasttimes.com and from 120 stores countrywide). For your chance to win, simply send your name simp and address to WA/ Uncle Bulgaria, Woman Alive Unc Competitions, at the address on page 3 Com October and the first name by 24th 2 selected on that day will win the prize. sele

To find out more about organising a Big Tea event, contact Harriet et Steele 020 7605 4288 or visit www.independentage,org.

For a fundraising pack for Time4Tea, which includes Mary Berry’s recipe for Ginger and Treacle Spiced Traybake, call Emily on 0117 373 7373 or visit www.meningitisuk.org/time4tea.

womanalive October 29

The blessing of . . .

Fasting

By Lisa E Nelson

Keeping K i Faith F it th

F

asting is a Christian discipline, a spiritual practice. We fast to be filled with the Holy Spirit, to be more like Jesus.

Fasting helps us to grow spiritually and overcome sin. It empowers our intercessory prayer. Fasting may also be in response to God’s call or in preparation for ministry.

Fasting usually refers to food and not eating, but there are other kinds of fasts such as a media (TV, Facebook, internet etc) fast, or a buying/shopping fast. The point of fasting is giving up something perfectly good in order to seek the best.

We may think we’re fasting for clarity in knowing God’s will, or to intercede, or for strength in the face of spiritual warfare or any good and holy reason. Here’s what really happens: out of his glorious riches, God strengthens us with power, through his spirit, in our inner being so that Christ dwells in our hearts through faith. We are rooted and established in love. We begin to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. We begin to know this love and be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:16-19).

As you’re fasting for another’s salvation, or a prodigal’s return to Christ, or a marriage proposal, don’t be surprised that along with your answered prayer, you are changed for all of eternity.

+Read more: A Woman’s Guide To Fasting, by Lisa E Nelson is published by Bethany House (ISBN 978 0 7642 0902 4 £7.99) Lisa not only tackles why to fast, but provides step-by-step advice for before, during and after a fast. For your chance to win one of five copies, simply send your name and address to WA/ Fasting, Woman Alive Competitions, at the address on page 3 by 24th October and the first names selected on that day will each receive a copy of the book.

30 October womanalive

If you are facing tough times, Remember, by Rhonda Watson (IVP ISBN 978 1 84474 545 6 £7.99) offers both inspiration and a practical way to master your thoughts and emotions.

Rhonda Watson was diagnosed with motor neurone disease in 2008 and is rapidly losing her speech, mobility and other physical functions. Here, she shares devotions and reflections which have helped her and leaves space for your own journaling. We have 5 copies to give away. For your chance to win, simply send your name and address to Woman Alive/Remember (see below).

Good Housekeeping We were intrigued by these unique fruit peelers and spoons designed to make peeling oranges, segmenting grapefruit and eating kiwi easier. The set of three are available from Home Garden Living (www.homegardenliving.co.uk 0844 870 2706) £11.50. We have one set to give away. For your chance to win, simply send your name and address to WA/ Fruit Gift (see below).

Giveaway entries: Please send your entries to Woman Alive Competitions at the address on page 3 by 24th October and the first name selected on that day will win the prizes.

For you to win a set of personalised towels Solve our Picture Perspective this month and you could win a set of luxury, personalised towels from Jane Hamerton Ltd. The ethically-sourced Egyptian towelling is finished with colourful, hand stitched fabric letters, making them an ideal gift for christenings, weddings or other special occasions.

The towels are available in four colours and range in size from a flannel (ÂŁ8) to a bath sheet (ÂŁ39). Order online from www.janehamerton.com or call 01473 405993.

For your chance to win a set of two towels, simply solve each of the picture clues (below) and find the common theme (photos without a line division create a single clue).

Please note that all entries should include answers to each clue, as well as the common theme.

Send your entry, together with your name and address and the names you would like to appear on the towels, to WA Oct PP, Woman Alive Competitions, CPO, Garcia Estate, Canterbury Road, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 1BW by 24th October and the first correct entry to be selected on that day will win the prize.

2

1

3 4 5 Answers to our August puzzle 1 Matt Smith 5 Colin Baker

2 Sylvester McCoy 3 Patrick Troughton 4 Jon Pertwee 6 Christopher Eccleston Common Theme: Actors who have played Dr Who

womanalive October 31

Film Focus With Sophie Lister

Three Reasons to Watch …

Life in a Day It’s far from average Life in a Day doesn’t have a script. Neither does it have any big names on the cast list. Or rather, the cast aren’t Hollywood stars, but ordinary people from every corner of the world. Last year, a call wass put out on video-sharing site YouTube for footage of people’s everyday lives, all to be filmed on the same day: July 24th 2010. A staggering 80,000 people responded, from 192 different countries, with 4,500 hours’ worth of material. Edited down to an hour and a half, the resulting documentary offers an extraordinary glimpse into what it means to be alive on earth.

It’s both huge and intimate The film covers an enormous range of cultures, languages and landscapes, from bustling city streets ets to the world’s most isolated communities. The sights and sounds give us a glimpse into the sheer range of human experience. But it’s not just the big picture which we’re left with. The film’s most memorable moments are intimate ones, focusing in on the griefs and joys which are familiar to us all.

It reminds us that we share this world We live in a world which, thanks to technology, is connected as never before. But we often still live as though we’re the only ones who matter. The film is a reminder that we’re part of something bigger – that we’re called to care for our ‘neighbours’ all over the planet. *Sophie Lister is a researcher and writer for The Damaris Trust **For more articles and study guides see culturewatch.org and toolsfortalks.com

Green Scene Care for the bees Bees play a vital role in pollinating the fruit and vegetables that put food on our table, but puzzling numbers of them are dying in the winter months according to the British Beekeepers Association. They are asking everyone who gardens to think about the welfare of bees and to choose plants that will give the bees the nutrition they need.

The summer’s flowering trees, plants and vegetables are vital, ivy is a good source of autumn nectar and snowdrops and crocuses provide a good starter meal for the year. For more information, visit www.bbka.org.uk 32 October womanalive

LivingSimply God often uses the simple things to reach in and say “I love you”, says Penelope Wilcock Two young cats live in our household – Edwin, who is white with black splotches and devastatingly alluring black eyeliner, and Miguel, who is small and black with round yellow eyes full of amazement and curiosity.

Every now and then – mainly when they’ve been hunting, but we won’t go into that – they are sternly banned to the back sitting room, where the cat flap is, for the night. This prevents the release of rodents into our bedrooms, or the stealthy small-hours incursion of bored cats looking for something to play with.

Their banishment never lasts long because, as one of us pointed out, it is late at night when a person starts to feel lonely, or sad, or a bit low; and nobody could feel down for very long with a little kitten to keep them company, curled up and purring beside them on the bed.

By such small and simple ways the Creator reaches into our souls, bringing healing and good cheer. ‘PAT Dogs’ who go into hospitals, nursing homes and hospices for residents and patients to stroke, bring with them a wonderful gift of comfort and well-being, even for people afflicted with terrible physical symptoms.

Of course, pets aren’t for everyone – there are allergies, there are phobias. . .

But if you aren’t a cat person, how about the scent of roses, or a rainwashed blue sky, or a walk along the seashore or under the golden canopy of the autumn woods? And then there’s always the comfort and pleasure of a hot cup of tea.

Silently, simply, all around us, in the most ordinary of everyday ways, the God who made us finds ways to reach in and say “Cheer up. I love you”.

For children. For change. For good.

what will

you

be remembered by…

a great masterpiece? a feat of engineering? a political deal that changed the course of history? or a simple act of kindness that changed a child’s life?

Leave a gift in your will and make a difference.

This single act of kindness could bring real change and hope for children living in the world’s hardest places.

To find out more and and request your free information pack:

call us now on 01908 841 060 Or visit: www.worldvision.org.uk/legacies email: legacies@worldvision.org.uk

For children. For change. For good.

World Vision is a registered charity no. 285908 a company limited by guarantee and registered in England no. 1675552

womanalive October 33

Know-How

Know-how

How to

leave a legacy Rachel Fletcher, from MHA Care Group, says it’s important to think carefully about who should benefit, but avoid too many stipulations

“Y

ou may never learn whose anguish you are transforming into peace. But God does.” John Oates, an MHA supporter who wrote these words in an appeal for the charity in 2004, knew the importance of legacies.

With 40 years of experience as a lay preacher, he had long been aware of the Christian nature of such giving. He would have liked to thank the people who enabled national Methodist charity MHA to run Trembaths, the North Hertfordshire care home where his beloved wife Mabel lived out her final days in peace. She was one of more than 13,500 older people to whom MHA provides accommodation, care and support services. But, with 70% of MHA’s gifts coming from legacies, John could not thank these people. He could only appeal to others to be similarly generous.

“A lot of Christians are sympathetic to church-based projects,” says Rev Keith Albans, MHA’s Group Director – Chaplaincy and Spirituality. “They might be drawn towards initiatives that are about Bible awareness, evangelism and relieving poverty.

“For many, leaving a legacy is an opportunity to remember causes that have been dear to their hearts, and for some it is a thanksgiving gift. There’s a spiritual element to it for a lot of people – knowing they will make a difference to an individual or a group. Unfortunately, though, leaving a legacy is something a lot of Christians forget to do.”

34 October womanalive

MHA Legacy Adviser Allison Turner observes that Christians also often support people-based causes, such as poverty and disaster relief, more than environmental or animal ones. “Usually, it’s a charity they supported in life,” she notes.

“They tend to be quite loyal to a cause because it tends to be something they really believe in, and of course they like to think the money is being used well – they trust these causes.

“Leaving a legacy is a way of doing one last thing for their chosen cause, and it’s lovely, because it means people believe the charity has a future and will continue to make a difference after they have gone.

Your legacy is a gift for that future, and all the changes the charity will still be able to make.”

The National Centre for Social Research estimates, however, that only about one third of adults in England and Wales have made wills. It is important to do so – it will help your loved ones at a difficult time, and the government is offering some incentives for charitable donations.

At the last Budget, an inheritance tax break of 10% was introduced for estates that leave 10% to charitable organisations. This might reassure people who are concerned about the effect of the tax on their beneficiaries, as it must be paid before anyone receives any money. Inheritance tax, however, applies only to estates worth £325,000 and over – and as we live longer, many people need to dip into their estates

to fund their care costs.

If you have a preferred cause, name it in your will. It may seem obvious, but a legacy left to ‘Christian care of older people’ rather than a specific charity has the potential for a lot of messy legal wrangling. Allison also encourages donors to allow charities a free rein with the money, as stipulations can be restrictive.

MHA once received a legacy to build a care home in Blackpool, which was overpopulated with homes at the time. The money eventually went to a new home in Ormskirk, West Lancashire, with the permission of the Charity Commission, but the process was long and difficult. MHA feels passionately about offering quality and choice when it comes to serving older people, and extending its services to increase the number of people it can reach.

Gifts left without restrictions can be put to the best possible use.

Seven years after writing his appeal letter for MHA, John Oates himself passed away, with MHA’s Elmside home in Hitchin as his final residence. His presence remains, however, both in the hearts of those who knew him, and in the care and support MHA continues to provide for older people today – keeping all our past supporters as a special part of our future. * To find out more about the work of MHA, call 0113 271 5805 or log on to www.mha.org.uk

No amount of money can free these people from a lifetime on dialysis...

Bryan explains the rules of the game to youngsters

...only a successful transplant can do this.

In the meantime the British Kidney Patient Association strives to improve the quality of life for kidney patients and their families throughout the UK.

BKPA Legacy Appeal / Êw `Ê ÕÌÊ ÜÊÞ ÕÊV> Ê i>ÛiÊ>Ê} vÌÊ Ì ÊÌ iÊ * Ê ÊÞ ÕÀÊ7 Ê« i>ÃiÊÛ Ã Ì

www.britishkidney-pa.co.uk or call us on

01420 541424

Please support us with our ongoing work. À Ì Ã Ê ` iÞÊ*>Ì i ÌÊ Ãà V >Ì ÊUÊÎÊ/ iÊ7 ` ÃÊUÊ-ÌÊ >ÀÞ½ÃÊ ÃiÊUÊ/ÕÀ Ê-ÌÀiiÌÊUÊ Ì ÊUÊ 1Î{Ê£ ,i} ÃÌiÀi`Ê >À ÌÞÊ °ÊÓÇäÓnn

womanalive October 35

God’s promise

of justice

W

e live in a fallen world and a broken society. On top of potential persecution for our faith in Jesus Christ, we may be victim to rape, extra-marital affairs, robbery, knife or gun crime, tragic drink-driving accidents, unfair outcomes of lawsuits, plus the daily hurts and grievances of living and relating with imperfect people like ourselves.

Consequently, many of us find comfort and hope in God’s promise of justification.

The promise Paul writes that “God is just …”

(2 Thessalonians 1:6a). This characteristic means God is fair and impartial rather than biased towards one party against another.

And he is able to remain perfectly neutral because it is against himself, his own standard, that he measures our motives, words, actions and behaviour.

God offers justification for our own wrongdoing Since we can never match up to God’s perfect standard, we cannot be justified –

36 October womanalive

This is a promise that may not be fulfilled in our lifetime, which makes it a challenging one to consider, says Anne Le Tissier cleared from the blame of wrongdoing that separates us from God – through our own self-effort at being what we perceive to be ‘good’. We must put our trust in the risen Lord Jesus, through whom we are offered forgiveness for our independent and ungodly living. Moreover, “through [Jesus] everyone who believes is justified …” In other words, everyone is made righteous before God and cleared of their blame if they put their trust in his perfect life and salvation work of the cross (Acts 13:38-39).

So, let us first give thanks that God is just, and praise him who “does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities” (Psalm 103:10).

God promises justification where we have been wronged by others However, Paul continues: “God is just: he will pay back trouble to those who trouble you” (2 Thessalonians 1:6). And this is the second aspect of God’s promise to reflect on this month.

Paul simply reiterates what Jesus taught: that God will bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night. He will see that they get justice, and

Into the Word

quickly (see Luke 18:7-8).

“In a moral universe sin cannot go unpunished … Because God is just, we can expect the ultimate righting of wrongs” (Leon Morris). When we feel hurt by the wrongdoing of a third party to ourselves or to someone else, we are promised that God will bring about justice.

But let’s not allow the subtleties of pride to undermine our understanding of God’s promise. We should not see it as a means to appease our craving to be proved right, or for seeking self-satisfaction through the accused being dealt a well-deserved, and preferably public, humiliation and punishment. And, let’s not forget that although we are promised a speedy vindication, Jesus talks from God’s perspective, for whom “a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day” (2 Peter 3:8).

God is just – and God is gracious. As we accept his grace daily for the ongoing justification of our own imperfections, so we are taught to

adopt the same attitude (Philippians 2:5).

Consequently, we are to reach out with the same love, forgiveness and grace to our offender as we have been shown for our own offences. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). Perhaps the justice we yearn for will take longer than we’d like so that God may give opportunity for the accused to repent.

Either way, we must trust the act of justice into the hands of the One who alone has promised that it shall be given, in the perfect way and the perfect time.

Three points to remember: 1. Not one of us is free of sin; as believers in Jesus we still hurt other people knowingly or unwittingly from time to time. The extent, frequency and degree we hurt them may vary, but it is against God’s perfect standards and not one-another’s to which we are accountable.

2. The justice of God relies on his divine attribute of absolute, infinite truth. We like to think we know a situation fully, but God’s judgements are right and fair while ours may be biased, lack the full picture, or rely on limited and potentially faulty information.

3. God’s justice is a promise for him to fulfil in his perfect way and time; it is not something he needs our help with!

Although I have experienced the repercussions of injustice to a limited extent, this has not been an easy promise to convey. I am keenly aware of friends in desperate suffering because of acts of injustice, of folk whose situations are reported on the daily news, and of those upheld by charities who support the oppressed and persecuted. Indeed, if you are such a victim, suffering the consequences of unjust behaviour, please do continue with the reflection, and I pray God himself will minister his strength and peace to your soul in a way that I, a mere writer, am unable to.

I

Knowing God’s peace whilst we wait for his justice Sometimes, God’s promise of justice may be fulfilled in this life; but often times, it may not be fulfilled until Jesus returns, through whom God will judge the world and justice will be given once and for all (John 5:30; Acts 17:31).

So, how are we to find encouragement despite the ongoing injustice of our circumstances, whatever shape or form they may take, as we wait for God’s promise to be fulfilled? How are we to cope with the unjust behaviour, treatment, slander, abuse, imprisonment, and other such grievances that plague our lives? + Seek contentment in God alone This is not some kind of pie-in-the-sky ideology, flowing out from the comfort of my study. This is both Paul’s experience, and his teaching.

Under the watchful eye of his Roman guard, uncertain of his future and facing a potentially cruel execution, Paul could yet claim: “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:11-12).

Paul could say this, despite being unfairly imprisoned, because he did not look to his circumstances for comfort or meaning in

life – his beatings, chains, shipwrecks, muggings, rejection and so on. Rather, Paul sought to be closely connected with Jesus despite, and within, those circumstances.

As a result, Paul was protected from the potential repercussions of bitterness, pride, vengeful feelings, gossip and fear.

Not only that, he was able to rejoice and give thanks in prayer in all circumstances – good or bad, just or unjust – because he rejoiced in his intimate relationship and union with Jesus. He might not always be able to give thanks for his circumstances, but in all circumstances he could give thanks for God’s presence, love, comfort, power, faithfulness, wisdom, grace, mercy, forgiveness and purpose.

Likewise, we are not expected to rejoice in our unjust situations. Just as Paul had help from folk like Timothy, Epaphroditus, Luke, Aquila and Priscilla, so God has ordained that we are to be here for each other too, that we may support one another in prayer and with practical help.

Nevertheless, Paul encourages us to maintain our focus and connection with God as of primary importance, and to nurture contentment in all situations through that divine relationship. + Meditate on Romans 8:28-39 Ask the Holy Spirit to breathe life and

meaning into your being as he conveys these truths to your heart. (We shall reflect further on this promise next month.) + Break the endless cycle We need to avoid regurgitating the facts pertaining to our situation, mulling over the hurts and focusing on the injustice.

First, let’s cease to talk about it, otherwise we merely refuel our negativity, bitterness or fears, while also influencing other people detrimentally. And as we determine to close our mouths, it will open our ears to hear what God might be saying into our situation.

Secondly, let’s respond actively to Paul’s instruction: “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden in Christ … Fix your eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (Colossians 3:2-3; 2 Corinthians 4:18). And we can only do that if we stop setting our mind on the injustice of our situation. + Recognise any need for protection That said, if your personal safety or that of someone else is at risk, you will need to talk to someone about it, and possibly contact the appropriate authorities.

womanalive October 37

PHOTO: Stuart Hastings/Sheffield Newspapers

We’re in the business of

doing good Faye Smith meets three Christian business women for whom faith and work go hand in hand

‘I want to inspire people to reach their goals’ Sarah Blackwell (45) is the founder of Archimedes Training, a social enterprise which is now the largest provider of Forest School training in the world, offering training and consultancy throughout the UK, Europe, Malaysia, Australia and New Zealand. This year she was nominated as “Extraordinary Woman of the Year”.

38 October womanalive

BEGINNINGS I’ve always been an independent individual and travelled by bus around Europe busking, juggling, fire eating and lying on glass for a living. When I returned home to Devon, I started my own business making and selling curtains, baby clothes, bags and other items to sell at local markets and festivals around the country.

When my children were born, I didn’t want to be away from them. Then, my second son was diagnosed with autism, so it became even more important for me to find a way of earning a living without being away from home for too many hours at a time.

I decided that I wanted to work outdoors, as I had seen how wonderful an effect it could have on those who had emotional and learning difficulties in terms of raising self-esteem and developing social skills. I went to college to become an outdoor instructor, but it didn’t quite give me what I

needed. I wanted to be able to provide opportunities for young people, adults and children to develop essential skills that they had seemed to miss out on during their formal educational experiences. I wanted to be able to provide them with skills, knowledge, courage, independence and emotional awareness that meant they could take on the challenges life threw at them and then come out on top – morally, socially, emotionally and creatively.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT I went on to university and got my PGCE, which gave me the confidence to move onwards and upwards. Archimedes Forest Schools began with my own version of outdoor education and learning in the woods for small groups of seven to 20-year-olds. The business grew exponentially in the first year and employed over nine people working on eight projects a week. I wrote, and ran, two Forest School courses that first year and this year I will run

Just the job

over 50 all around the country. We now have five full-time members of staff, one part-time and 20 Licensees, including international Forest Schools in New Zealand, Canada, France, Spain and Australia.

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT Having some work published and attracting international clients – establishing those centres in places like Portugal, Australia and New Zealand.

Role modelling for my two oldest children,

BEGINNINGS All my life I have been involved with working with women. I never realised that it was part of God’s plan and purpose for my life until I volunteered on a new project launched in Sheffield by Hope City Church.

With my life-long career working in banking I had the experience to help customers with their personal and business finances; I also offered to help the young women on City Hearts rehabilitation residential programme with money management and debt problems.

This was initially just one evening a week spent with women who were desperate for help as they recovered from serious life issues such as drug and alcohol addictions, self-harm, eating disorders, depression and unplanned pregnancies.

As one of the first volunteers on the project, my involvement increased as I began to see what a difference my help made to the women. I was given opportunities to befriend the girls, taking them on trips out shopping, into the countryside, showing the love of a mum which many had never experienced before. I was also gaining accredited training in areas such as safe handling of medicines, dealing with trauma and counselling.

WHAT’S NEXT I want to develop a good work life balance … loving my children, supporting my staff to be the best they can be, inspiring as many people around the world as possible to provide positive opportunities for children, adults and young people to achieve their goals, to be confident, wonderful individuals who truly believe that the world is a wonderful place and that they have the eyes, heart and will to be part of it.

■

PHOTO: Stuart Hastings/Sheffield Newspapers

BIGGEST CHALLENGE Believing that I could do it, fighting my own demons and not being too sidetracked! I am easily excited by a dream or avenue of adventure to follow!

who have already gone into business and will be a bit like me, I think!

* www.social-forestry.co.uk

‘I’ve seen God open doors of opportunity’ Tina English is Barclays Bank women’s business development manager. She is also the co-founder of social enterprise the Entrepreneur’s Ladder and has reduced her hours to take on a growing voluntary strategic role in national action against sextrafficking. Last year, she was nominated “Sheffield’s best secret angel”.

this horrific trade, the more I became determined to help the victims and raise awareness. I am now semi-retired and spend more hours working directly with the victims of trafficking. The programme has developed and now City Hearts has an eight-bed safe house and a separate house for rehabilitation.

I am now involved in meetings at the Home Office, Westminster, Crown Courts and often work alongside Social Services, lawyers, doctors and police and government departments.

BIGGEST CHALLENGE Moving from banking to working with the female victims of sexual exploitation. God has taken me

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT One evening on shift, City Hearts were contacted by police enquiring if we could take a young woman who had been rescued and was a victim of human trafficking. This was the start of my journey into the world of trafficking women for sexual exploitation.

The more I researched and learnt about ▲

womanalive October 39

Just the job

on an amazing journey which has challenged me in many ways. But, in stepping out and showing God’s heart for the lost and vulnerable, I have been able to help many young women realise their true worth and potential, and to recover enough to lead lives with a hope and a future that God intended for them.

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT Helping to support and make a difference in the lives of these girls. I want to continue to raise

BEGINNINGS I started work with Yorkshire Bank on a two-year youth training scheme when I left school. Five months into the scheme, it snowed heavily in Sheffield and the buses were not running. I walked several miles in to work, setting off in the early hours to ensure I got there on time.

Most of the bank’s employees didn’t make it in. By lunchtime the bank had offered me a ‘proper job’.

I took my banking exams and went to college two nights a week for four years, working my way up to becoming a bank manager. Ten years ago, I left to retrain as an accountant and then worked at Voluntary Action Rotherham, providing accountancy, and financial support and training to a range of local charities.

Later, I went to work for SOVA, a large, national charity working primarily with offenders and ex-offenders. I was responsible for the £11million Europefunded project called Women Into Work.

We worked with sex workers, offenders, HIV sufferers, victims of domestic violence to name but a few. I regularly worked with Holloway and Down View women’s prisons, which was a humbling and difficult experience. When the project came to an end, I went to head up the finance and operations team at a local Chamber of Commerce.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT Having provided financial support and advice to businesses and charities for the whole of my working life, I always believed there was a need for a more supportive, hands-on accountancy service than the traditional accountancy system. I dreamed about founding ‘Footprints’ for five years prior to taking the plunge after I was made redundant in 2010.

The much-loved Christian poem Footprints in the Sand is the corner stone of my belief. I believe categorically that God is always with me and carries me throughout

40 October womanalive

awareness of human trafficking and to provide much better support for both victims in the UK and help for young people in the source countries so they can have a future free from the risk of abuse and exploitation.

WHAT’S NEXT We are on the very point of seeing the care for female victims being run by City Hearts nationally and it is, at this moment, that I look back and realise how far we have come. I have never taken

‘I believe God is always with me’

a leap of faith, just small steps one at a time and God has done the rest. I constantly remind myself of Philippians 2:3-5 which says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not to your own interests, but also the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”

■ * tina.english@entrepreneursladder.co.uk

per annum, so investing into a new business and starting from a zero base situation has been challenging and scary.

Julie Robinson, 41, is the founder of Footprints Accountancy Solutions, which she started after redundancy gave her the push she needed in 2010.

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT The growth within the business at such an early stage.

The excellent relationships I’ve developed means that clients and respected organisations, such as Barclays Bank, regularly send us new clients. They thank us for what we are doing for their clients, whilst I’m eternally grateful for the business.

my difficult times. This, in turn, is what we aim to achieve for our clients. That’s why our strap line is ‘Helping your business every step of the way’. I started in faith with an office big enough for two, but by November, I had to move premises because the client base had already warranted the need for three extra staff.

WHAT’S NEXT I would love to employ people from disadvantaged backgrounds, invest in them through training and education and give them a real chance of a positive future. I also dream of expanding Footprints to become a group of companies, providing further services with the same ethics, transparency and quality relationships in areas such as IT, human resources and marketing. Let’s see what God does!

■

BIGGEST CHALLENGE Listening to God and finally taking the plunge. As an employee, I was on a package of £60,000

*julie@footprintsaccountancy.com

CARE HOME MANAGER – Brighton

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Pfli c\^XZp# cXi^\ fi jdXcc# Zflc[ Z_Xe^\ c`m\j ]fi\m\i% ?hk Z _k^^ \hir h_ hnk pbee&fZdbg` `nb]^ hk mh ]bl\nll ma^ ]b__^k^g\^ rhnk `b_m \hne] fZd^ \Zee FZkbZ hg )+) 0)2. .,/0% ^fZbe e^`Z\r9\Z_h]'hk`'nd hk pkbm^ mh FZkbZ =rlhg% <:?H=% Khf^kh Ahnl^% .. P^lmfbglm^k ;kb]`^ KhZ]% Ehg]hg% L>* 0C;' ?hk fhk^ bg_hkfZmbhg oblbm3 ppp'\Z_h]'hk`'nd(Zebo^

Our care home in Egremont Place, Brighton, is famous for its loving, family atmosphere, and Christian ethos. It is home to thirty-five elderly Christians – 21 in residential care and 15 in sheltered flats. The building has been extensively refurbished and pleasantly decorated and, with its friendly and well-trained staff team, the home is a happy place to live and work. Our home manager has been with us for several years, but now she is relocating to a different part of the country, and we are looking for the person God is appointing to this important position. If you feel this could be you, you will: O have management, or supervisory experience in a residential setting

O be a committed Christian, able to lead devotional times

O be able to lead management, care and service teams in the home

O have good communication skills O Lead staff and care teams and interact with residents and their relatives as well as local authority and regulatory bodies.

DOES THIS SOUND LIKE YOU? This is a key role, where you will be making a difference to the lives of older people God has entrusted to our care. You will be well supported by our head office team.

PLEASE CONTACT: Phil Wainwright, Director of Human Resources Pilgrim Homes, 175 Tower Bridge Road, London SE1 2AL Tel: 0300 303 1400 Fax: 0300 303 1415 Email: hr@pilgrimsfriend.org.uk

www.pilgrimsfriend.org.uk Pilgrim Homes is part of Pilgrims’ Friend Society

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womanalive October 41

The

Woman Alive

Hosted by Amy Boucher Pye

Book Club

You can also join in our discussions on Facebook. Simply look for the Woman Alive Book Club and join in. See you there!

This month I’m reading . . .

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are Ann Voskamp (Zondervan, ISBN 9780310321910, £10.99) Ann Voskamp seemed to have it all – a loving husband, six strapping children and a farm in which to live the rural dream.

But her discontent ran deep: “I look in the mirror, and if I’m fearlessly blunt – what I have, who I am, where I am, how I am, what I’ve got – this simply isn’t enough.” However, she started stepping into a nourishing new way of living through a simple dare e-mailed to her by a friend: “Can you name a thousand things you love?” And this listmaking mother/writer/ homeschooler started a new list: “1. Morning shadows across the old floors; 2. Jam piled high on the toast; 3.

Cry of blue jay from high in the spruce.”

Her life has never been the same.

Through the act of naming things for which she is thankful, Ann started to see God’s handiwork where before it was hidden. As she says, “This writing it down – it is sort of like … unwrapping love.”

Where previously she felt anxious, weary and tired, now she was feeling joy: “I can hardly believe how it [makes me happy], that running stream of consciousness I drink from and I’m quenched in, a surging stream of grace and it’s wild how it

42 October womanalive

sweeps me away.” A new habit is born through the glimpses of graces throughout the day. A new habit that shapes her soul, reorientating it back to God. Moving from clenched hands to open, cupped hands, ready to receive.

Many friends had recommended Ann’s book before I got a copy. The day it arrived I read the first chapter through a veil of tears, being moved by her account of the death of her toddler sister when she herself was just four. But other books got in the way and several months passed before I read it on holiday in Ireland. The amazing rugged beauty of my surroundings provided a stunning backdrop for the beauty of Ann’s prose.

Her writing calls forward striking images from the earthy setting of farm life.

Spiritual truths are grounded in the stuff of life – making them all the more compelling.

As an editor, I couldn’t help notice the times she flouts some of the rules of grammar – and gets away with it. Such as with adverbs: “… feel my pulse quicken fierce” or “… the sun rolls across wheat warm.” Her unusual usage made me slow down and ponder her word pictures.

One to read and reread slowly, for the spiritual truths she unpacks are deep and potent – namely, that to live fully in God’s kingdom, we must give thanks. And so on holiday I too started a list of thanks: “1. Sound of waves lapping on the lakeshore; 2. Fluffy clouds kissing the tops of mountains; 3. Irish soda bread …”

You recommend . . .

God Knows Your Name Catherine Campbell (Monarch, 2010) Catherine writes intuitively to describe how God has touched the lives of both biblical and present-day individuals. Her stories are emotional yet uplifting. No matter how dire our circumstances may be, when we reach out to him, he loves and accepts us just as we are.

Carol Biggins God Hunting Jo Swinney (Scripture Union, 2011) Jo explores six spiritual disciplines and trials one each month – prayer, fasting, Bible study, worship, solitude and simplicity – with varying degrees of success. She shares her thoughts and experiences in a sometimes comical way, while giving much food for thought.

Her book is a good starting point and is easy to read, written from a young mother’s perspective. So often we feel guilty because we are not ‘doing things right’. Jo is honest and is not afraid of the truth. She tries to balance her busy family life with hunting for God. Ann Armstrong Anne Bradstreet: Pilgrim and Poet Faith Cook (Evangelical Press, 2010) Anne Bradstreet was a Puritan who emigrated from England to America in the seventeenth century. Her upbringing ill prepared her for the challenges of bringing up a family of eight and being threatened by starvation, disease and many hardships. Hers is an inspirational story and from her poems we can see how she kept her eyes fixed on the Lord Jesus in the midst of her precarious life as a Christian woman, wife, mother and grandmother. She has much to teach us about our own roles as women living before the Lord each day.

Deborah Gallacher

On the sofa The Sisterchicks Series Robin Jones Gunn (Multnomah) This series is a refreshing approach to friendships, highlighting the benefits of sharing life experiences with trusted friends. It encourages us to see opportunities in the everyday for sharing faith in Christ.

The books are based on different travels, which provoke interest in various countries and inspire us to see life from different viewpoints.

Robin Jones Gunn also writes reflective memoirs and other series for teens and young adults. These are approachable stories which underline Christian values and show great insight for young people today.

Fiona Murphy Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim’s Tale Ian Morgan Cron (NavPress, 2006) I was fascinated to read about Ian Morgan Cron’s autobiography (Jesus, My Father, the CIA and Me, profiled in June’s book club), as I fell in love with Chasing Francis a couple of years ago. No sooner had I finished reading it than I returned to the beginning, this time with the study guide. Every chapter provoked a hundred thoughts and questions, and the study guide posed even more. This novel tells the story of St Francis alongside the story of Chase Falcon. The latter is a modern Christian (actually a pastor of a megachurch) who becomes disillusioned with postmodernity to the point of losing his faith.

Every chapter struck a chord. Chase wrestles with the kind of questions many of us have but rarely dare to voice. Like Francis, he rediscovers his faith and, with it, different ways of expressing it. Francis served Jesus completely and unreservedly.

This book is amazing; it references ideas and other writers in a way that makes you want to start studying them as well. Add the comprehensive bibliography and years of adventure await.

I haven’t stopped talking about and recommending this book to my friends. I can’t wait to read his memoir.

Angie Pollard Amy adds: I too rave about Ian Cron’s writing to my friends. I haven’t yet read this, his first book, yet but have it on order.

Your review makes me wish it would arrive quickly!

Karen Kingsbury is America’s top inspirational novelist with more than 15 million copies of her award-winning books in print. She is married to Donald and is the mother of six children.

I learned to read at age four, and I’ve loved it ever since. As a young child, I loved Dr Seuss. Not the simple books about eggs and ham and red fish, but the longer stories with great rhyming and morals – The Sneetches, Horton Hears a Who, The Grinch and The Lorax. I think I fell in love with writing while reading Dr Seuss.

I knew that I wanted to be an author from the age of ten, but I also understood that not everyone can become a novelist. Journalism was my back-up plan. The camaraderie of the newsroom is something I still miss, but my work as a reporter opened doors for me to become an author.

One of my first favourite authors was Sidney Sheldon. He wrote contemporary suspense books that mixed relationship with high drama, but what I loved most was his prose. I also greatly admire Mitch Albom for his sparse, clean writing; John Grisham, for his way of getting me so caught up in the story I forget I’m reading; and Francine Rivers and Randy Alcorn for helping me know that inspirational fiction is absolutely the strongest storytelling of all.

God used Francine Rivers’ novel, Redeeming Love, to convince me that I should write Christian fiction. In addition, Randy Alcorn’s books, Deadline and Dominion, were powerful in convincing me to write in this genre. I also enjoy Max Lucado, Mark Atteberry, Erwin Lutzer, and many more.

I enjoy the classics, especially Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women – probably because I grew up as one of four sisters. But I also enjoy spiritual Christian classics, such as Oswald

Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest. I try to read a passage daily to challenge my walk of faith.

My latest book, Longing, is the third in the Bailey Flanigan Series. Here Bailey develops more depth as a young woman, including a clearer understanding as to whether God is leading her to give her heart to her long-time childhood love or to a Hollywood heart-throb. Bailey experiences a season of longing … longing for a forever love, longing for wisdom from God, and longing for answers.

I study people relentlessly. Once I had a friend who stopped hanging out with me because she was worried I’d make her or her family into characters. But I don’t do that. Rather, I think up an imaginary person and give them quirks or habits, or traits or mannerisms that I might see in strangers and acquaintances around me.

I don’t have a favourite book I’ve written – that’s like asking if I have a favourite child! I’m most excited about the book I’ve just finished writing – since it’s freshest in my heart. And I can pinpoint certain titles that are special because of how God has used them in the lives of my reader friends. Among those are my 9-11 Series – One Tuesday Morning, Beyond Tuesday Morning, and Remember Tuesday Morning – books that remind me of the way God used fiction to help readers heal after the attacks of September 11, 2001. Also my novel A Time to Dance, which God has used to heal broken marriages for more than a decade. I’m always amazed how he puts a story on my heart, but he has so many other hearts in mind. Only God could do that!

Win this month's book choice Send us a short review of a book you are reading and you could win Amy’s recommendation and a copy of Longing. You can send your review to Amy at Woman Alive at the address on page 3, e-mail womanalive@cpo.org.uk, or post your review on the Facebook group: Woman Alive Book Club.

womanalive October 43

Ellie Quicke, pretty, plump and in her sixties, has no great opinion of herself, but with her sharp eyes and knowledge of human nature, she is sometimes able to solve crimes in her pleasant London suburb

Harvest Strife

by Veronica Heley

M

rs Dawes was outraged. Her mighty bosom heaved and her long earrings trembled with passion. “She should rot in hell!”

Mm. Well. Quite. It looked as if a tornado had struck the church, ruining the Harvest Festival flower arrangements created only that morning by Mrs Dawes and her team.

Ellie Quicke, solver of crimes in the community, had often acted as dogsbody to Mrs Dawes on such occasions. Today, however, Ellie had not been helping out in the church, but had been on duty at the Book Sale in the hall next door. She’d been happy about that, since raised voices had been heard in the church, and members of the flower arranging team had emerged from time to time, looking shaken and in need of a restorative cuppa. One woman had even fled to the loo in tears.

For Mrs Dawes’ position as queen of the flowers had been challenged by Mrs Elder, the new organist’s wife, and the result had been a second War of the Roses.

“I’ve always decorated the pulpit. But she said ‘no’! She ordered me to … ” “I’ve never been spoken to like that in all my born days!”

“She wanted to put peacock feathers in my arrangement ... ”

44 October womanalive

“She said they’d use plastic birds over her dead body!”

“She told the Brownies that they couldn’t decorate their usual windowsill, and poor little Jemma cried.”

Ellie supplied cups of tea and soothed ruffled feelings, thankful that she was well out of it. She was sorry for Mrs Dawes. A little. But that redoubtable dame had had things all her own way for years and perhaps it was time for a change.

Mind you, Mrs Elder was not noted for tact, and if changes had to be made, perhaps she wasn’t the best person to deal with elderly women who’d been creating massive arrangements à la Constance Spry for years, and who would never use plastic birds in their display or stick flower heads all over a hat shape and call it ‘Joy in the Lord’.

Let the best woman win, thought Ellie.

Only, what about the children? Seven of them had brought bunches of flowers – some of them wilting and several of them wild – in jam jars, which they’d been told were not worthy of display. Brown Owl was beside herself. Clearly, she wanted to describe the warring ladies in terms more usually ascribed to dogs and cats, but couldn’t do so in front of the children.

“I have an idea,” said Ellie, thinking rapidly. “Leave the children’s flowers with me and this afternoon, when all the flower arrangers have gone, I’ll pop into the church and tie the children’s flowers to the ends of the pews, where everybody can see them. How does that sound?”

Brown Owl went all dewy with gratitude, and Ellie carefully stowed the jam jars with their offerings of every kind of flower – and weed – in the cool of the kitchen. And went back to serving coffee and tea.

After lunch she collected the children’s flowers and let herself into the church, only to find Mrs Dawes had just arrived and, crimson in the face, was gasping for breath.

The most important flower displays were in pieces. Wrecked.

Mrs Dawes raised her fists to heaven. “I won’t sully my lips by speaking her name in this sacred place, but she should rot in hell!” She collapsed into the nearest pew, scattering the peacock feathers she’d brought with her. Had Mrs Dawes chosen to come at a time when no one could prevent her putting them into one of the displays?

Looking around, Ellie too was horrified.

Carefully constructed arrangements had been wrenched apart. The tape which held the oasis base for the biggest display at the side of the altar had been cut, so that the flowers now lolled forward like a drunk, face down in the gutter. The huge harvest sheaf, donated by the local baker, and carefully preserved from year to year in the cupboard behind the organ, had been

Weekend

broken in half. And as for the flowers on the pulpit – most were on the floor!

A stir of fresh air and the organist’s wife swept in, carrying six plastic hummingbirds which she’d obviously intended to put into her own display when Mrs Dawes’ back was turned.

Mrs Elder’s jaw dropped and her somewhat prominent eyes went wide with shock. She turned on Mrs Dawes, spluttering, “You … criminal!”

Mrs Dawes shot back. “I don’t know how you dare show your face!”

Ellie could see a cat fight coming on.

“Calm down, both of you.” Her sharp eyes had spotted something glinting in the ruined flower display on the pulpit. She reached into the wreckage and withdrew a large pair of gardener’s scissors, which had been stabbed into the middle of the arrangements. “Whose are these, do you think?”

“They’re not mine,” said Mrs Elder producing hers.

“Or mine,” said Mrs Dawes, waving hers.

Ellie read the initials scratched on the blades. “They’re Mrs Dawes’ old ones, that she put in the jumble sale. Who bought them, do you know?”

Mrs Elder said, “Who would dare to wreck the decorations in a church?” Both she and Mrs Dawes were obviously thinking furiously who it might be. As was Ellie.

“Someone who felt they’d been badly treated,” said Mrs Dawes. “You do rather go on at people, Mrs Elder.”

Mrs Elder reddened. “And you are noted

for plain speaking, if I may so.”

“I only want the best for God.” Mrs Elder pinched in her lips. “Humph.”

Ellie felt that someone had to say it, and it seemed to be up to her to do so. “What I think is, that you were competing with one another, and not thinking at all about giving thanks to God for the harvest.”

“How dare you!” Yet there was no fire in Mrs Dawes any more.

Mrs Elder grimaced, but acknowledged the hit. She began to look at the destruction in detail, and held up her hands in despair. “What’s to be done?

And, oh … look at the harvest bread! In two pieces!”

Mrs Dawes bustled to her feet. “We must save what we can. We’ll throw away the broken flowers, start all over again. Perhaps if we don’t try to fill every windowsill but use some of the flowers from the untouched arrangements …”

“But the harvest bread!”

“I know the trick of that,” said Mrs Dawes, her years of experience giving her the edge. “We take toothpicks – I’ve seen some somewhere in the flower cupboard – and insert a number of them halfway into the top part of the loaf, so that the bottom ends stick out, and then lower it into the base to join the two halves together. You can hardly see the join if you do it carefully.

If you can help me, dear? It’s definitely a two-person job.”

Ellie slipped out of the church and crossed the road to knock on the door of a house nearby. A wispy little woman opened the door. May was not only on the flower arranging team but also responsible for cleaning the brass. She was Jemma’s gran.

It was Jemma who’d cried that morning when the children’s floral offerings had been rejected, and it was May who’d fled to the loo in tears.

Ellie held up the scissors. “These are yours, aren’t they? I remember you buying them.”

May nodded, white–faced. “Oh dear, oh dear. Yes, they’re mine. After they’d all gone this morning I went into the church to give

the brass a polish for tomorrow, and I couldn’t stop thinking how they’d laughed at my little arrangement, and it made me so mad! And then, I don’t know what came over me.” Colour tinged May’s cheeks. “But they deserved it.”

“They forgot what harvest is all about.”

May sighed. “So did I. Only afterwards, I thought it wouldn’t only be them that would be upset. I thought God would be upset too.”

“Saddened, perhaps,” said Ellie. “But now they’ve got over the shock, perhaps they can work together in future, and that must be good. Perhaps he’s smiling again now.”

“Oh no!” said May, shocked. “However could you say such a thing! I shall have to ask their forgiveness first; and God’s.”

Ellie had forgotten that May had no sense of humour. “Sorry. Of course you must apologise. Now the ladies have forgiven one another and I’m sure they’ll forgive you too. As he will when you talk to him about it. Will you come back with me now to help put things right?”

May took a deep breath. “If it’s not too late.”

“It’s never too late. And you can put the children’s flowers on the end windowsill, because there’s space there for them now.”

May’s tone was reproving. “The children picked their flowers with God in mind. I’m sure he appreciates them as much as any of their grand flower displays.”

“Er, yes. Of course, I agree,” said Ellie.

“And when we’ve finished, I’ll make us all ■ a nice cup of tea.”

Read more The latest in the series of Ellie Quicke mysteries are Murder My Neighbour and Murder By Mistake, both published

by Severn House. Find out more about Veronica Heley’s novels at www.veronicaheley.com

For You To Win We have four copies of an earlier Ellie Quicke mystery – Murder by Bicycle – for you to win. These are hard backed copies (£18.99) and signed for us by Veronica. For your chance to win, simply send your name and address to WA/ Quicke, Woman Alive Competitions, CPO, Garcia Estate, Canterbury Road, Worthing, West Sussex BN13 1BW by 20th October and the first four names selected on the day will each win a copy of the book.

womanalive October 45

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Holidays & classifieds DELIVERING EXCELLENCE IN THEOLOGIC AL E D U C AT I O N Area Focus: LONDON Visitors to London are often surprised to discover how much they can see and do without having to dig into their pockets! You can take a stroll in Hyde Park, visit a world famous museum or gallery, watch Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace and listen to Big Ben – all for free if you travel on foot. But there will be times when you will need some transport. No need for the car in the capital though. Going to the theatre? Take the tube, bus or train. Or you can always hail a traditional black cab of course.

Churches with a welcome HOLY TRINITY BROMPTON is an Anglican church in central London with 10 services each Sunday on three sites. For details please see www.htb.org.uk

YOU’RE WELCOME to our services ranging from traditional Holy Communion to contemporary worship and children’s groups. For more about us: www.ascensionbalhamhill.org.uk

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48 October womanalive

OLD BARN, WHITBY, B&B Enjoy lovely views in quality Christian B&B. Fairtrade. Village setting 3 miles from Whitby £22.50p/p/n Tel: 01947 810615 www.oldbarnwhitby.co.uk LAKE DISTRICT KESWICK. Small homely guesthouse in beautiful peaceful surroundings with lovely views. All rooms en-suite. Private parking 10 minutes walk from town centre. Tel: 017687 72902

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womanalive October 49

Man alive

Inside my Man Drawer!

Andrew Perry feels the need for some major de-cluttering

I

phoned up a local company and said: “I wanna skip outside my house.” They said: “Well we’re not stopping you ...”

One of my favourite comedians at the moment is Michael McIntyre. He does an inspired routine on the Live & Laughing DVD about his “Man Drawer” – and spins a wonderful yarn about all the useless bits and pieces he keeps in his Man Drawer (old keys, instructions for long broken appliances, foreign currency, dead batteries, takeaway menus etc). Well I can go one better than Michael McIntyre. I have a Man Garage. Actually, I have a Man Loft too. And, if there was one in our house, I’d have a Man Cellar.

I am an inveterate hoarder.

In fact it’s worse than that, because inside of me there is a Minimalist struggling with a Hoarder. And the Hoarder usually wins. I love the idea of living clutter-free ... of open, airy spaces with classy, carefully chosen items of artistic furniture, paintings and electrical items carefully positioned for maximum effect and minimum mess.

Especially in my study.

Yeah, right. Dream on.

In reality, my study looks as if a troop of particularly un-houseproud drunken monkeys have been partying in it. I don’t have an ‘in tray’ so much as an ‘in desk’; my filing system (!) includes the floor, and the shelves have books and papers crammed in to such an extent that I’m surprised the walls haven’t caved in.

I find it very difficult to throw stuff out just in case I ever need it ... and the garage is the ultimate example. Actually, so is the loft. Whenever we buy anything, I have to keep the packaging just in case. Just in case it ever has to go back. Or just in case we move house and have to pack it up. Or just in case a particularly vivid sermon needs an illustration of the Taj Mahal constructed out of cardboard, string and 500 back copies of the Church Times.

This probably says something very profound and significant about my psyche and inner demons.

50 October womanalive

To get all biblical for a moment (and you should see my collection of Bibles ... ), I like to think of myself as a Wise Virgin.

That’s wrong on both counts, but bear with me: in the story Jesus tells in Matthew 25, five Wise Virgins carry enough oil with them to keep their lamps lit just in case the bridegroom is late (which he is!), and five don’t. The ones who were prepared are OK, the others aren’t. I can identify with the kitchen sink carrying ones.

So our garage is bursting at the seams with old rubbish and the loft is heaving with boxes, including years of old sermons, for when ‘I Arrive’ and somebody wants to research my glittering, meteoric, ecclesiastical career.

Yeah, right.

But perversely one of my greatest thrills is to order a skip and clear stuff out. There is nothing quite as cathartic as chucking stuff away (victory to the Minimalist!). I feel wonderful as the heaving skip lorry staggers and sways away, scattering the neighbourhood with bits of straw, single gardening gloves and jam jars.

The pile of rubbish I excavated nearly blocked out the sun

So it was that, motivated by the parish fayre, which takes over the church, hall and our garden, I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and clear the garage.

The pile of rubbish I excavated nearly blocked out the sun. It took me five hours.

I must have shed pounds. Sadly, the price of skips has rocketed; happily Steve Next Door has a van and a very kind heart, tolerates my mad eccentricities and took the lot to the tip for me.

So is there any profound spiritual point to all this? Probably not, but it did cause me to reflect on how I can become obsessed with things and not wanting to let go of stuff.

Perhaps there is something about trusting that God will provide (rather than trusting that I can always provide everything I ever need); perhaps there’s something about viewing material things lightly (especially when they warp, rust or go mouldy); and perhaps there’s something about the profound joy of letting go of stuff, clearing out and being free of clutter.

And perhaps that’s a rather hackneyed metaphor for my life – the ‘stuff’ I hang onto; the feelings, resentments, ambitions, futile hopes, lack of trust and general rubbish that hinders me from moving on, looking to the future or making space for what God has in store for me tomorrow.

So, not a Man Drawer: more a Man Life in need of de-cluttering.

Just the loft to go. Oh, and the study ... ■ * Father Andrew Perry is Rector of St John the Evangelist in Upper St Leonards www.stjohnte.com

Next month Keeping faith ●

When we’re longing for our prayers to be answered ● When life gets tough

PLUS ●

Inside the world of dance ● How to find a party dress ● Royalty DVDs for you to win

It’s all in our November issue Get Woman Alive delivered to your door every month. See page 46 for details

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