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THE HAPPINESS SOLUTION
PROBLEMS? WHAT PROBLEMS?
THE HAPPINESS SOLUTION
By Simon Mattews, MHlthSci Dip.IBLM NBC-HWC
One of the first things we notice every day is our level of happiness. As soon as we open our eyes in the morning, we have a sense of our mood and how happy we are. Take a second as you read this and give yourself a rating from 0-10, with 0 being very unhappy and 10 being very happy. What number is in your head? The actual number isn’t as important — since our level of happiness can change and fluctuate through the day—as what you choose to do about that level.
If I asked you how you might go about increasing your score on that scale, even by just one point, chances are you’d want to eliminate a problem you are currently struggling with. Or you might tell me that an event could increase your happiness – such as a friend buying you lunch or coffee, paying you a compliment or acknowledging some effort you have made.
That could work, but it would be only one step toward increasing your overall happiness. It’s more important to think about
increasing the resources that we might bring to bear on difficult
and challenging situations. It’s even more important to go a step further and think about developing a mindset in which you’re less likely to see problems as causes of unhappiness.
Problems, challenges, difficulties – we all face them, pretty much every day. Instead of trying to escape or ignore those problems, we need to learn to think differently about what we’re facing and develop our coping capacities. Believe it or not, even talking about “problems” has a negative impact on the way we see the world.
LET’S BREAK THE LINK BETWEEN UNHAPPINESS & PROBLEMS
One of the traps that’s easy to fall into is equating “happiness” with “an easy life” or at least a life perceived to be without problems and difficulties. This view of happiness is based in hedonia – the seeking of happiness that comes with whatever gives you joy. For you, that might be a vacation at the beach, a leisurely meal with loved ones, binge-watching a new TV series or something as simple as a dish of mint-choco-chip ice cream.
While there’s no doubt that experiences like this can generate a sense of happiness, what are you left with ten minutes after you've eaten that last mouthful of mint-choco-chip ice cream? How do you feel two days after returning to work after that vacation? The happiness we derive from short-term pleasures is just that – short-term. So we head off in search of another experience to top up our happiness level. Unfortunately, humans
are hardwired for what researchers call “hedonic adaptation”, which means that in order to reach the same level of happiness, over time we need to experience more and more pleasure in greater and greater amounts. It’s as though we need increasingly frequent “hits” of happiness to get that same feeling of joy. Fulfilling these urges can lead us to squander money, time and energy chasing experiences we hope will bring us happiness, but that ultimately won’t.
BEING HAPPY – EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE PROBLEMS
Is it possible to experience happiness, even when we’re faced with problems and difficulties? It is. Research conducted over the last two decades has explored a phenomenon called eudaimonia which literally means “having a good spirit within us”.
Eudaimonia is happiness that derives from a strong sense of belonging, knowing
who your tribe is and where you fit in. It comes from a sense that what you do in life is purposeful and has a greater value beyond its immediate effect. It comes from recognizing that you're a small part of something much bigger in the world. And it also comes from us being able to tell the stories of how we've managed the challenges and difficulties in our lives.
Think about the books you've read and the movies or TV shows you’ve watched.
The story arc almost always has some elements of this familiar framework: the main character needs to get from point A to point B. He or she soon encounters a difficulty to be overcome. Once over that hurdle, the character takes another step forward only to have another difficulty to conquer, followed by yet another setback. What draws us into these stories is not the fact that point B is eventually reached. If the character simply moved directly from A to B, we’d be bored. What captivates us is the way in which challenges are dealt with as the character continues to move forward.
YOUR HAPPINESS “SET-POINT”
According to current research in happiness,
people have a “set-point” of personal happiness that varies from person to person and comes from a combination of factors
completely out of your control. Some of these factors include the circumstances of your birth, how you were raised, the influence of your parents and so on. These elements total about 50 percent of the happiness we experience. Our current life circumstances (whether we win a lottery, live in a beachside mansion or are unfortunate enough to lose job after job) actually account for only about 10 percent. Yes: just 10 percent. The
remaining 40 percent comes from the way we approach life and think about ourselves.
This is the part of our happiness that is completely within our own control. Almost half.
We can't change our happiness set-point, nor that original 50 percent linked to our birth. Nor can we avoid “hedonic adaptation” – the way in which happiness from external experiences becomes less and less powerful for us over time. What we can do is generate our own happiness with some simple mental strategies and a positive approach to life.
HOW DO I INCREASE MY HAPPINESS?
First of all, you need to separate happiness
from the problems in your mind.
Having problems and challenges doesn’t automatically equate unhappiness.
Secondly, when you encounter a significant challenge, take the time to get some different perspectives on it. This can help determine the steps you’ll take to manage this problem.
THE FOUR KEY AREAS OF HAPPINESS
1
2
3
4 BELONGING
Being able to identify very clearly with your “tribe”. This could be family, a group of friends, your professional colleagues or some combination of all of those. Know who you belong with and remind yourself of this every day.
PURPOSE
Whatever it is you do, think about the ways in which it’s useful in the grander scheme of life. You may have encountered a significant challenge or difficulty that set you back. Now that you've managed to deal with it and have begun to move forward again, can you take your experience and apply it more broadly and usefully not only in your life, but in the lives of those around you?
PLACE
This is that sense of recognizing that you're a tiny part of something much bigger. I get it when I stand and stare into the night sky. You might feel it when you stand at the edge of the ocean, or in a forest. You can even have this experience wherever you are simply by calling to mind an image of something far bigger than you.
STORYTELLING
