Has the ability to argue or debate Will use rank or influence Will share opinions openly Stands their ground States their position clearly Overuse of Competing Lack of feedback from others Reduced learning in group setting Low empowerment Surrounded by “yes people”
“I’m OK, you’re not OK.” One’s power, position or strength settles the conflict
COMMON CONFLICT STYLES & CONTROL DRAMAS
Common Actions/Behavior Will take quick action Often has to make unpopular decisions Works with vital issues Acts as protection Attempts direct confrontation Will push others to change
Underlying Message
COMPETING [INTIMIDATOR]
Under Use of Competing Restricted influence Indecision by others Others will be slow to act Others’ contributions will be withheld
“My way or the highway” “Might makes right” My Way Win/LoseForcerFIGHTSHARK
Willing to use force when needed
Competing Skills
“Two heads are better than one” Synergistic problem solver Our Way FACEWin/WinBalancer/FLOWOWL
Common Actions/Behavior Can integrate solutions Often involved in new learning Can merge multiple perspectives Understands how to gain commitment Will improve HasCollaboratingrelationshipsSkillstheabilitytolisten
Will use non threatening confrontation Will analyze all input Can identify group concerns Strives for synergy
Willing to confront/be assertive
COLLABORATING [NO CONTROL DRAMA]
Underlying Message
Our Way
Overuse of Collaborating Spends too much time on trivial matters May have diffused responsibility Others may take advantage Will feel overloaded with work
“I’m OK, you’re OK.” Mutual respect and agreement to work together to resolve results
Under Use of Collaborating Deprived of mutual gains Lack of commitment by others Low empowerment of others Loss of innovation by all
Frequent power struggles Unable to negotiate effectively
Will find a “middle ground;” able to assess value Assertive and cooperative Focuses on some gains and some losses Gives a little and gets a little Can make concessions
Underlying Message
Overuse of Compromising Will lose big picture/long term goals Lack of values/trust from others Will end up with a cynical climate
“Let’s make a deal” Half Way Negotiator Win & SHARELoseFOX
Willing to find a clever solution & split the difference
COMPROMISING [INTERROGATOR]
Under Use of Compromising Unnecessary confrontations
“We’re both sort of OK.” Each party gives up something in order to meet midway, often leaving both parties dissatisfied
Common Actions/Behavior Works w/issues of moderate importance Can demonstrate equal power Maintains a strong commitment Finds temporary solutions Often deals with time constraints Plays the role of “backup” Compromising Skills Can negotiate well
Under Use of Avoiding Hostility/hurt feelings will occur Too many causes to tackle Lack of prioritization/delegation
“I’m not OK, you’re not OK.” People just avoid a conflict by denying its existence
Avoiding Skills Ability to SenseSidesteppingwithdrawoftiming
“Leave well enough alone”
Common Actions/Behavior
Able to leave things unresolved
Overuse of Avoiding Lack of input from others Decisions will be made by default Interpersonal issues will fester A cautious climate will arise
AVOIDING [ALOOF]
Works with issues of low importance Can reduce tension Knows how to buy time Experiences low power Allows others to do first Denies conflict is occurring Changes the topic Noncommittal behavior Snide remarks are ok
“I’ll think about it tomorrow” No WayLose/LeaveWithdrawerFLIGHTTURTLE Willing to UnderlyingwithdrawMessage
“It would be my pleasure”
Willing to smooth and sooth thing Underlying Message
ACCOMMODATING [POOR ME]
Common Actions/Behavior
“You’re OK, I’m not OK.” Differences are played down and surface harmony is maintained
“Kill them with kindness” Your Way
TEDDYYield/LoseSmootherFREEZEBEAR
Gladly yields (or does so with bitterness) Shows reasonableness Develops performance of others Creates good will and keeps the peace Works with issues of low
LackRestrictedForgoesAccommodatingimportanceSkillstheirdesiresforothersSelflessnessWillobeyordersHastheabilitytoyieldOveruseofAccommodatingIdeasgetlittleattentioninfluenceoverothersLossofcontributionfromothersCompleteanarchyUnderUseofAccommodatingofrapport/lowmoralefromothersExceptionsnolongerrecognizedNolongerabletoyield