Saint Martha’s Hall

Sometimes it’s a matter of taking in that information and starting to realize what’s happening is not ok.” themselves, such as what to wear or who to spend time with, often requiring victims to ask permission to do anything.

Abusive partners will also often threaten to harm their victims or themselves if the victim does not behave the way they want. Stalking, extreme jealousy and destroying personal belongings are also red flags.

“A lot of movies portray jealousy as this romantic thing, but it’s not. It can be very dangerous,” said Camren. “Destruction of property — especially things like photos or clothing, things that are an extension of who the person is — through cutting or burning can be a big sign.”

Camren said something many people overlook is abuse of pets. She said a huge correlation exists between violence toward animals in the home and violence toward women. That’s why Saint Martha’s Hall partners with the Animal Protective Association to provide foster care for pets while victims are in the shelter.

As an advocate for over two decades, Camren has seen a full gamut of victims — as young as 16 and as old as 80. Not all of them understand what they’ve been through.

“At the drop-in center, many people coming in don’t even recognize their situation as abuse,” said Camren. “They’ll say, ‘I’m in a bad relationship,’ or ‘I’m having marital issues.’ They might not be ready yet, and we’re going to meet them in that place.

Still others are convinced that they are at fault for what has happened.

“Abusive partners don’t take responsibility for themselves. By the time an abuser has reached the point of convincing her that it’s her fault, so much has gone on that she believes it,” said Camren. “It doesn’t happen overnight. Most of the time it’s an intentional process. There’s good times and there’s abusive times. In your mind, it’s just the ebb and flow of a relationship.”

Despite what they’ve been through, Camren said she’s truly inspired by the women Saint Martha’s Hall has helped through the years.

“They have so much courage. I don’t know if there’s anyone else who has the strength to go through what they did and survive it and retain their kindness,” she said. “After this long, I’m at the point where I’m seeing people who have truly survived. They’ve come through, they’re sometimes working in the field now, and their children are healthy and successful and thriving.

“It’s a very intimate thing they share,” Camren continued. “I’m humbled and honored to be brought into that world.”

To speak with an advocate, donate to Saint Martha’s Hall or learn more, call 314-533-1313 (24 hours a day) or visit saintmarthas.org. Call the dropin center during business hours at 314-487-2062.