Issue 19, 2011

THE WOMEN’S ISSUE Issue 19 – 08th August 2011

Critic Issue 19 –

Critic – Te Arohi PO Boc 1436, Dunedin (03) 479 5335 critic@critic.co.nz www.critic.co.nz Editor: Julia Hollingsworth Designer: Andrew Jacombs

contents THE WOMEN’S ISSUE Issue 19 – 08th August 2011

Ad Designer: Kathryn Gilbertson News Editor: Gregor Whyte News Reporters: Aimee Gulliver, Lozz Holding Sub Editor: Lisa McGonigle Feature Writers: Charlotte Greenfield, Phoebe Harrop, Siobhan Downes, Joe Stockman Feature Illustrator:

Editorial

Letters to the Editor

Notices

Snippets

News

Madonna in a Corset

Charlotte Greenfield looks at ye olde Madonna/ Whore dichotomy

Not only one Wright track

Bad puns aside, we talk to Jan Wright, the Commissioner of the Environment

Profile: Dr John McEwan:

Georgie Fenwicke discusses sheep farting, of all things.

Ode to the Vagina

A man’s view of women’s liberation, courtesy of Joe Stockman

Dicks Out For The Girls

In light of ACT’s recent advertising scandal, Siobhan Downes investigates affirmative action in New Zealand.

Summer Lovin’

Featuring references to cock-sucking Komodo dragons

Opinion

State of the Nation

Review

Poetry and Rogue Vogue

Comics

OUSA Page

Tom Garden Music Editor: Sam Valentine Film Editor: Sarah Baillie Books Editor: Sarah Maessen Performance Editor: Jen Aitken Food Editor: Niki Lomax Games Editor: Toby Hills Art Editor: Hana Aoake Poetry Editor: Tash Smillie Comics Editor: Spencer Hall And a whole heap of lovely volunteers Planet Media (03) 479 5361 kate@planetmedia.co.nz www.planetmedia.co.nz Advertising: Kate Kidson, Tim Couch, Dave Eley, Logan Valentine

Critic Issue 19 –

Music, Books, Film, Art, Theatre, Games, Food

Special thanks to Dougal for her (yes, Dougal is a girl) mad kitten modelling skills. You is adorable. Enjoy the catnip. Thanks to Dougal’s Mums, Brooke and Aimee, for their excellent cat whispering skills. Sorry about the scratch on your neck Brooke.

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VSM: it’s all anyone can talk about. It’s been a somewhat lukewarm bore for a while, with everyone from Metiria Turei to Michael Woodhouse speculating that VSM wouldn’t pass before the election. But on Wednesday, when the final clause of the bill was discussed at the committee of the house stage, OUSA were shocked out of their complacency. It’s quite possible that VSM will pass at the next Member’s sitting day, and even if it doesn’t, it looks very very likely that VSM will pass before the election. I’m not a betting woman, but if I were, I’d place at least $2 on it.

the VSM front since forever. It’s probably too little too late; the chances of John Key changing his stance on VSM because he saw a few hundred students yelling “1, 2, 3, 4, we don’t want your stinkin law, 5, 6, 7, 8, VSM is what we hate” and waving placards reading “OUSA more like NOUSA” are slim to none.

Before last Wednesday, I’d never watched Parliamentary TV, and I certainly never expected to watch it with such gusto. There were some wonderful moments amongst the filibustering (when a politician talks more smack than usual to prolong the inevitable), such as National MP Hon Tau Henare’s passionate exclamation; “we won, you lost, eat that” (at which point, OUSA Colleges and Communications Representative Francisco Hernandez who was in a neighbouring room, commented; “Fucking arrogant cunts, seriously, fuck them”).

Once again, it’s spearheaded by Logan Edgar; only he could lead a protest organised a mere 48 hours beforehand in front of “ladies’ man” John Key. That said, only Logan would post on Sir Roger Douglas’ wall while fairly intoxicated referring to him first as a “dinosaur” then as a “cunt”. I like to think of Logan as an adorable puppy that inadvertently stumbles on greatness sometimes but also shits a lot.

Of course, VSM isn’t exactly a surprise. Everyone’s known about VSM for yonks; it was introduced way back in 2009 after all. Yet it’s only now (or rather, last Friday, sadly after we went to print. We always miss out on the good stuff) that OUSA is protesting the bill. It probably should have happened months, if not years ago; OUSA have been seemingly inactive on

It may be too late, it may be ineffective, but it’s still nice to see OUSA doing something.

So in short, it looks like VSM is actually going to happen at long last. When will it go through? Will OUSA have a decent contingency plan? Which MP will Logan drunkenly rip into next? Stay tuned. Love always,

Julia Hollingsworth

Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington.

Critic Issue 19 –

Letters Letter of the Week The letter of the week wins a $30 book voucher to spend at University Book Shop.

BELATED PICK UP ARTISTRY Dear Critic, Don’t judge me for getting heavy. You seem to do that a bit (and why not, it must be said?). I was in the Baa last night (30/7/11) watching the Springboks v Allblacks. And I just about fell over. Not because of Carter’s mesmerising display, nor Jane’s electricity out wide. But no. I nearly fell over when I saw a particular girl. My mate and I were standing in one of those thoroughfare positions. A typical pub situation, not much to report. And then, bang, jaw on the floor, there she was. Not in a long time have I caught someone’s eyes, for one of those instant-eternities, and had my heart so easily opened. This happened three or four times, these being some of the better seconds I have lived of late. I thought there was meant to be some sort of gate there? One to which I held the key? Maybe she had the key copied, or knows how to bust locks. Either way: nice one, baby. Even though you hung around after the game with a couple of mates, I didn’t make a move. I wanted to, but was drawing blanks like “I like your glasses” or “Gday.” Don’t know why. Maybe silly, irrational and predictable doubt got in the way. Maybe the pickup line repertoire just needs work. Well, it does, actually. ...But anyway, today I’m enjoying the beautiful Dunedin sun, but I regret that lack of move

way more than I thought I would. So. If your eyes flit about with more delicacy than a snowflake might exhibit; if your smile is a better view than that from the Heads out to sea; if you carry a silly, silly, amount of grace; I would love to get to know you. Perhaps the Critic crew might even like to throw us a tab, to kick things off? Get in touch with them. Bests, Okay, you win, I actually did fall over [Ed: abridged. The letter writer in question left his digits, so get in contact if you’re the girl in question.]

ANGRY SEX(ISM) Dear Joe, your critic is profiling scarfies as rapists, an association you clearly are offended by. But you do the same in profiling feminists as man hating when you label your attacker as a ‘crazy kill joy man hating feminist.’ Such a derogatory conception of feminism is both trite and factually incorrect. Please come up with something less hypocritical and more accurate next time. Yours sincerely, Kari Schmidt (Man loving feminist)

WAS THAT A THREAT? Dear Critic, I have spent most of the last year being scoffed at because of my “madam” mother’s controversial career. When people find out who my mum is, they often ask me if I was raised in a brothel and say my mum is fucking the whole country. The last straw was the Critic publishing a letter from “A mature student” who hoped she could give a Discount at her brothel and says that she is “Begging to give Mr. Logan a Blow job”. I am Ms Calvert’s daughter and I am not amused! (Some) Critic letter writers, the Eagle, the hissing socialists, the OUSA president and the Critic Editor seem to have run out of non-Calvert hate material. I bet they’d be stoked if she got re-elected, so they wouldn’t have to find anything different to bitch about (like all that trivial war and famine). I hope they find some new material so that the Critic doesn’t go under after VSM. Regards, Daughter of the first lady of La Maison. PS. She wasn’t even in Parliament when the VSM bill was pulled.

APROPO OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING Dear Kari. Offended? Yes I am offended to be described as a rapist... My description was of my critic, not a profile of a feminist. I consider myself to be a feminist (see my article this week). My description of “not a scarfie” as a “crazy kill joy man hating feminist” implied that he (my critic was a male) was a man hating feminist, a form of feminism ( for example Valerie Solanos, a famous misandrist) that should be challenged when ever it rears its ugly head. I apologize for the implication that all feminists were man haters and look forward to facilitating some man loving as soon as possible. Cheers Joe

Critic Issue 19 –

Hi – in vague relevance to your article on scarifies… well, not really, but hey – could you possibly put in a notice for me? To the light-fingered individual who nicked (from out of my handbag, actually) my favorite Stüssy navy blue scarf at DiLusso’s on Saturday night? It’s striped and has a sparkly knitted texture. I would be willing to buy it back for what I paid for it, $40, no questions asked. (I should also point out to whomever took it that they should reflect on the sad cruelty of taking other people’s things. They’re an incredibly weak tool. But I won’t put that in print because it shows they got to me. Sigh.) Cheers Dee King

Letters U “PHIL” UP OUR LETTERS PAGE

TO SCARFIE OR NOT TO SCARFIE.

Dear Mrs John Wilmot You’re a retard Yours sincerely, Phil

Dear Everyone This whole “To Scarfie, or not to Scarfie” debate is very interesting, especially considering how much anger it seems to have stirred up. Interesting, also, since it seems to hinge on how you define “Scarfie”. I’ve always thought of Scarfiism as being the phenomenon resulting from clustering all the brightest young sparks together in the grey drudgery of Siberia Dunedin. My favourite Scarfie moments have involved clever young people using their collective knowledge and skills to create mischief and subvert the system that has them starving in poverty, like the time my friends and I opened a private brewery in one of the Saint Margaret’s College floor kitchens. When I hear “Scarfie” I don’t think about testosterone addled rugby players date-raping naive first years; I think of overly enthusiastic academics living in Arctic slums, drinking whisky and burning couches to stay warm, experimenting with different ways to serve ramen noodles, and hoping they don’t die of scurvy before they head home for the summer. Vive la Scarfie!

PROMISCUOUS GIRLZ Dear Carrie Bradshaw, In response to your diatribe; while you raise some valid points against Makary’s campaign, you seem to be missing the point. Either that or you purposefully misquote him. Having seen his piece on Close Up last year as well as various other media releases, I can tell you that he is not rooting (excuse the pun) for stigmatizing sex, but instead stigmatizing promiscuity. He’s calling for a “nana revolution,” not a “nanny revolution”. Makary is looking beyond the sexual freedom that we have, at the consequences that we as individuals and as a nation face as a result of our seemingly harmless promiscuity - physical, mental and emotional issues in later years that students either cannot comprehend or choose not to acknowledge in exchange for five minutes of fun to top off a good night on the piss. He isn’t passing judgement, or inhibiting sexual freedom. Instead, he is urging students to be responsible in their sex lives, to recognize that promiscuity does have a massive negative impact on their lives in the future. It is inevitable that we will grow old; it shouldn’t be inevitable that we are infertile and incapable of meaningful relationships. Sincerely, Dylan Jones Dear Dylan Jones, I disagree that he isn’t passing judgement; stigmatizing promiscuity is, in itself, passing judgement about the types of sexual practices that are “good” or “moral”, and those that are not. Promiscuity isn’t inherently bad; sure some people get hurt, but other people are quite happy sleeping with multiple partners and shouldn’t suffer judgement for that choice. In addition, I am concerned that only promiscuity in women is being condemned. I would be more comfortable with Makary’s statements if he was targeting both men and women in his campaign for a less promiscuous nation. I apologise for misquoting him, but I don’t see that referring to the revolution as a “nanny” revolution is fundamentally misrepresenting his argument. Yours, Carrie Bradshaw

ART CRITIC Dear Critic, There are several reasons why the comic section seems to “suck”. The first one is that quite frankly, the comics are poorly drawn. When the drawing quality is so terrible, lazy, uninformed, etc., it immediately detracts from everything else, including whether or not it is amusing or politically astute. The ones in last week’s Critic are embarrassigly bad, they look exactly like 5th form boy note-book margin doodles. There is a woeful amount of visual kerfuffle displayed and passed off as “ART” all over the show these days; it is obvious that many of today’s would be artists are not taught to draw, not made to draw, not critiqued severely enough on their crap drawings and so on in art school anymore. I assure you, your drawing in the comic section is just not good enough. As for humour, besides being blinded by the low quality of drawing, there is no irony in the comics that I assume are to be funny, nor is there enough thought put behind the cartoons that are supposed to be political. The shaft of a poorly rendered penis with an afro and a gun and a badge thus called “Shaft”, is ironic only to a 10 year old, if that. The “shed burger” is.. what shall I call it? No words can describe it except perhaps, the antithesis of funny, or even making sense. Note to self: Not everything you draw when you’re

high looks cool. I won’’t critique all of them, but I can tell you that the “pirate comic” actually looks like it was done by a professional, unfortunately, the contest winning punch-line of “I’m a mother-fucking seagull’ is again, NOT funny. I suggest that Critic supplement it’s magazine with some real cartoons drawn by real artists until your current cartoonists can tighten up their ship. After all, they don’t want to sail on something that looks like it has had a “mother-fucking seagull” shitting all over it. Yours, A very Snooty Arteest Dear Snooty, You make some interesting points and clearly show discerning taste (or at least I’m sure you would if you hadn’t chosen to remain anonymous). Your understanding of irony seems deep and valid and no doubt informed by the great ironists. I am sorry to hear that everything you draw when you’re high doesn’t look cool. We’re luckily enough not afflicted with this problem. I would like to hear more of your opinions on the comics page and modern art. If you’d like to discuss these things over a beer with me give me an email at holdencaulfield66@gmail.com. I can supply a paper bag and straw to retain your anonymity if need be. Love, Spencer Hall (Comics Editor)

NOTIC ES JEWISH STUDENTS’ ASSOCIATION Calling all Jewish students. A challah making session is being held on the evening of Tuesday August 9. Email jewishstudentsotago@gmail.com for location and time. Gold coin donation for ingredients. See you there!

CARMELLA BAYNIE Carmella Baynie and Friends. Dunedin Kirtan Concert. The Evison Lounge, 84 Albany Street, Clubs n Societies, Saturday August 20, 7.30pm.

BORN SINGING WORKSHOP Born Singing Workshop, Sunday August 21, 11am, The Evison Lounge. Clubs n Societies, 84 Albany Street.

OUSA BUDGET SUBMISSIONS OUSA Budget submissions for the 2012 OUSA Budget can be submitted until August 30, if you’d like to make a submission email it tobudgetsubmissions@ousa.org.nz

LETTERS POLICY Letters should be 200 words or less. Deadline is Wednesday at 5pm. Send letters to critic@critic.co.nz, post them to PO Box 1436, Dunedin, or drop into the Critic office. All letters must include full contact details, even if you don’t want these printed. Letters of a serious nature directly addressing a specific person or group will not be published under a pseudonym, except in extraordinary circumstances negotiated with the Editor. Critic reserves the right to edit, abridge or decline letters without explanation. We don’t fix the spelling or grammar in letters. If a writer looks stupid, it’s because they are.

Critic Issue 19 –

News Snippets

Cops get more than donuts An entrepreneurial Dunkin’ Donuts employee has been arrested after allegedly offering more than donuts and coffee at a drive-through restaurant in New Jersey. The female employee apparently took regular ‘breaks’ in customer’s cars for 10 to 15 minutes at a time when manning late night shifts. Officers received a tipoff and ran an undercover operation coded “Operation Extra-Sugar”. The woman was then arrested for soliciting the undercover officer when he came in for his daily donuts. Dunkin’ Donuts refused to comment on the arrest.

Back from a long absence – apparently child labourers are allowed these things called “school holidays” nowadays – Critic intern Basti Menkes ranks the Top Ten Most Awesome Women of all Time. 01 Frida Kahlo, bitch can draw (monobrows). 02 Audrey Hepburn, the hugely influential actress who invented breakfast. 03 Cleopatra, got with everybody of the era, including an asp. 04 Joan of Arc, got military instructions from God, and burnt at the stake at age 19. 05 Jane Austen, as influential and as celebrated as JK Rowling, but Mr. Darcy > a bespectacled teenage wizard. 06 Joanna Newsom, a harp-plucking fairy princess from Narnia. 07 Helena Bonham-Carter, Tim Burton’s other partner in crime (not Johnny Depp). 08 Rosa Parks, wouldn’t move on a bus, thereby paving the way for Martin Luther King. 09 Anne Frank, her diary is now one of the biggest testaments to the evil of the Nazis. 10 Mary (Jesus’s Mum), had a one-night stand with God, for fuck’s sake.

B I -WI N N I N G The winners of the Film Festival double passes are: Jitka Genserová and Jane Ross. The winners of the acronymn competition for the Liam Finn prize packs are: Matt Cox, with FLUID (Fucking Look It Up! I Did.) Kate McKevitt, with PIMPLE (Preadults Inconveniently Manifesting Pustulous Lucent Eruptions) Mickey Treadwell, with extraspecial commendations for I’m So Meta Even This Acronym

Scarlett & Greene is a New Zealand natural skincare range designed specifically for young skin. Scarlett & Greene focus on natural and sustainable products, and believe in creating clear skin with a clear conscience. Before launching their range, Scarlett & Greene spent some time researching skincare, and uncovered some skincare myths, tips and tricks. They found that washing your face more often doesn’t make acne go away quicker, as blemishes aren’t caused by dirt or impurities on the top surface of your skin, they’re caused by your pores sticking together deep within the skin. They also discovered that using heavy exfoliants can, surprisingly, cause your skin to become oily. In short: you’re much better off cleansing your face twice a day with a good quality product that works deep within the skin. Luckily for us, we have two Scarlett & Greene Perfect Combo packs to give away to Critic readers. To win, email your best beauty tip to critic@critic.co.nz, with the subject line “Scarlett & Greene”.

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Critic TV This week, the crew from Critic TV visit the infamous Lucky 7 Brothel to get a closer look at the inner workings of the establishment. A first hand experience of “the dungeon”, a trip down the water slide and a chat with a real life pimp make for yet another strange and revealing experience.

Check it out on the Critic Facebook page, or go to www.facebook.com/CriticTV

10.49 17 fastest 100m run by a woman in seconds

percentage more women than men in Latvia

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26.5

billion dollars US, wealth of world’s richest woman, Christy Walton

& the the

Snippets News

Dungeon Siege A student visa scam investigation at the University of Northern Virginia led to the discovery of the College Chancellor’s “suburban sex dungeon”, as well as revealing he had posted online advertisements seeking polyamorous sex slaves. 64-year-old David Lee of the for-profit university was busted when immigration officials raided his office and discovered photos of him and his girlfriend engaging in a number of sadomasochistic acts, as well as their online post requesting “attractive” and “submissive” new members to their adventurous family. The lair of this (sex) dungeon master is fully furnished, complete with bondage racks and what appears to be a flamethrower, meaning any new residents can make themselves feel completely at home (if that’s what they’re into). Post-revelations, Lee held a meeting with “all concerned UNVA students and faculty” about their future at the University, which has been jeopardized both by the legitimacy of their visas and their CEO’s pastimes. Amazingly, the general public is taking a huge interest in this investigation. – Basti Menkes

PRESIDENTIAL PRATTERINGS THE LOGAN EDGARISM OF THE WEEK “My Dad would kill a man for half a grand”

Creepy bunny scares kids Police have ordered an Idaho man to stop wearing a bunny suit in public after receiving complaints that he was scaring children. Apparently the man would often wear a tutu with his bunny suit, but the real problem locals had with him was the weird interactions the man would have with their children. Police said the man was warned to stop wearing the suit after “a woman said she saw him dressed in the costume, peeking at her young son from behind a tree and pointing his finger like a gun.” Another resident of the town defended the man, however, saying the man was harmless and mostly just liked to dress up as a bunny, or a cowboy, or a ballerina, and parade around his backyard.

1960

world’s first female prime minister (Sirimavo Bandaranaike of Sri Lanka)

GOOD BAD AESTHETICALLY DISPLEASING

The Good

NZ International Film Festival Despite students being more of the download-it-using-the flat-broadband, pixellatedquality-and-Korean-subtitles-be-damned type, the NZ International Film Festival (on in Dunedin from August 4-21) provides an excellent excuse to visit the cinema. You too can feel as cultured as a bespectacled person using an Apple product to write on their cookery blog.

The Bad RWC

Despite bringing an abundance of foreign men in small shorts to our shores and providing a good excuse to get inebriated, having to hear about the RWC/see the RWC/talk about the RWC for the whole year or so beforehand is getting a tad dull. And the merchandise, ugh – All Blacks nappies?!? More like All Browns. Fools.

The Aesthetically Displeasing Pandora Bracelets

The laziest gift in all the land. Buy hideous (and hideously expensive) base bracelet. For each special occasion thereafter, buy an equally hideous charm (be sure to pick something they would never purchase themselves for added amusement). Result = super hideous mish-mash of ugliness suffocating the wrist area and indicating to passers-by that the wearer has had a 21st birthday in the last few years. – Kate Macey

20,000

Critic Issue 19 –

average words used a day by women (compared to just 7,000 by men)

News

VSM struggling through prolonged Labour The Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill failed to pass the Committee of the whole House stage in Parliament last Wednesday, as Labour party MPs used delaying tactics to prevent the bill from reaching its third reading. Debate on the bill continued until Parliament ended its session at 10pm, with Labour successfully raising sufficient obstructions to again frustrate the bill’s passage through the legislative process. The obstructions tested the limits of Parliamentary discipline, with Speaker of the House Lockwood Smith, who does not control the committee of the whole stage, having to be called into the House twice to resolve disputes.

To coincide with this, OUSA President Logan Edgar organised a protest outside the library, spending much of Thursday informing students of the protest and mobilising supporters. Critic wrote this article whilst Edgar hailed students on a megaphone telling them to come to the protest at the “Bill Robson Library”. Critic duly informed Edgar that the library was in fact called the Robertson Library.

Since the bill is a private members’ bill, Parliamentary rules dictate that it can only be debated on every second Wednesday that the House sits. Only three member’s days remain before November’s general election, with the next one scheduled for August 17th.

All in all it was an interesting week for Edgar, after he briefly posted the following message (since removed) on the Facebook page of Act MP Sir Roger Douglas: “Get fucked you dinosaur…just trying to give yourself a legacy because you know you’re getting too old. You should actually debate the Bill with Pete or Grant… you’d get torn to shreds. Cunt”.

Likely to pass However Labour’s determined effort is unlikely to earn student unions a reprieve until next year. ACT’s Heather Roy, who introduced the bill, told NewstalkZB that she was confident the members’ bill would make it through the House before the election, but stated that if it didn’t then there remained the option of National adopting the bill and pushing it through as a Government bill. National’s support of the bill was again slammed by NZUSA CoPresident David Do, who stated in a press release that “National did not campaign on a platform to fundamentally alter students’ associations and the student experience at our universities and polytechnics. In fact, they are breaking a promise they made at the 2008 election, when they committed to the current law, which was passed when National was in government in the late 1990s.” Public law expert Professor Andrew Geddis told Critic that the bill would be able to pass to its third reading immediately after the Committee off the whole House stage and Labour’s filibuster tactics were unlikely to be able to prevent the bill being passed this year. Filibuster tactics have a patchy democratic history, with one of the most famous being Strom Thurmond’s rambling 24-hour long speech to delay the passage of the Civil Rights Act in the American Senate.

The comment was featured in a post on right wing blogger David Farrar’s Kiwiblog. Edgar responded that he regretted the post, describing it as “not my finest hour, but it is hard to control yourself when you are so passionate about the students.” He added however that he couldn’t see why “a Spanish tennis player would care enough about this to make a blog. Shouldn’t he be practicing his serve or something?” Critic determined that Edgar had confused the blogger Farrar with the Spanish international tennis star David Ferrer, the current world number 6 and winner of the 2011 New Zealand Heineken Open. In addition, Edgar attempted to infiltrate the National Party cocktail event held Thursday night to confront Key by using his father’s National Party membership to RSVP to the event. Edgar had planned to bring OUSA Welfare Officer Shonelle Eastwood to the event as his ‘plus one’. However his plans for a romantic evening of piña coladas and political confrontation were dashed after a staffer vetting the guest list realised who Edgar was, resulting in him being banned from attending. The passage of VSM will dramatically reduce income to students’ associations around the country, and is likely to result in a substantial reduction in services offered by associations. For more information in the coming week, check the OUSA and Critic Facebook pages. – Gregor Whyte

OUSA’s reaction The delay in the passage of the bill came as John Key visited Dunedin to open the Stadium and the refurbished Robertson Library (formerly the Bill Robertson Library) last Friday. Critic Issue 19 –

Radio One Saved

News

OUSA cast aside their scythe After a month long submission process that garnered much media attention, the OUSA Executive has decided to reject the Deloitte review recommendation to sell Radio One. OUSA Administrative Vice President Brad Russell told Critic that the “overwhelming support” for Radio One in the 124 submissions received was a major factor in the decision-making process. Russell added “I’d have to commend Sean for his approach to the exec and how he addressed his concerns with some aspects of the Deloitte review, including how the funding in the report was not accurate of what he actually spends. He came up with some intelligent ideas for cutting costs”. Critic understands that OUSA will be contributing less money to Radio One than it currently does, with the amount to be decided following a consultation process with the parties concerned. The Executive plans to “get into discussions with Radio One with how they can gain new revenue and lower costs,” Russell said. Russell added that there had been “discussion over their playlist,” and that the Executive will be working with Radio One “to make it more

accessible to students.” He also said that “we don’t want to cut their image too much though,” so lovers of alternative music need not fear that Radio One will become another Lady Gaga stronghold. The Executive received an “interesting selection of submissions,” according to Russell, who said that everyone from “students to politicians to Samantha Hayes” had voiced their views on the future of Radio One. People were put in submissions from “around the world, indicating that [they] still listen to Radio One after they’ve left Dunedin,” said Russell. The Deloitte review, which came out in early July this year, recommended that OUSA sell Radio One in light of the threat that VSM poses to the levels of revenue the association will have available next year to fund student services. The submission period closed on July 29, and staff were informed of the decision on August 5. – Aimee Gulliver For more information on the review, see our Facebook page.

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News

Slutwalk hits town Not UniCol daytrip for once

The international protest movement Slutwalk is coming to Dunedin, with the event scheduled to take place next Saturday. The original Slutwalk protests were sparked by the comments of a Canadian police officer at a safety talk in Toronto, who stated “women should avoid dressing like sluts if they don’t want to be victimised.” The movement calls for an end to “victim blaming” in sexual assaults, instead asking for the perpetrators to be held responsible. After successfully holding a Slutwalk in Toronto, the movement has spread to major cities around the world, and has now reached Dunedin. The Slutwalk is “primarily about putting an end to victim-blaming and dispelling commonly held rape myths, but it is also about raising awareness of support services in Dunedin.” “We are really excited about the march because victim-blaming is far too common in our community,” said Georgia Knowles, a Rape Crisis Dunedin Community Education Worker and one of the creators of Slutwalk Dunedin, “The event is a good way to raise awareness and challenge damaging ideas around rape; the focus of the Dunedin Slutwalk is to emphasis a person’s right to be free from violence regardless of what they wear or how they act.” The Slutwalk Dunedin Facebook page had attracted over 500 attendees at the time Critic went to print, with a variety of commentators contributing their two cents to the event. While most of the commentators used to opportunity to productively discuss feminist issues, one particularly unsavoury commentator chimed in with “Beth you are a fascist. I hope you get raped, biased slut.” Another post, from a presumably borderline illiterate female read “People aren’t free to express their own opinions. You lot are pussys. You guys need to be raped it might put you in your place. Sluts r just free prostitutes.” The Dunedin Slutwalk is to take place Saturday August 13 at 12pm from the Museum lawn to the Octagon. The protest will consist of a walk and a rally at which “women, men, children of all different ages, ethnic backgrounds, and gender identities” are welcome. Guest speakers include Labour MP Clare Curran and representatives from Rape Crisis Dunedin and OUSA. OUSA President Logan Edgar told Critic that he planned to attend the event in “fishnets and a push up bra. Maybe a bit of lace on the back of the bra?”. – Aimee Gulliver

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News

If it’s not the altar boys or the sacramental wine, then its invariably AUT’s bank account

Auckland University has enough airpoints to buy 747 Otago just a Cessna

A 53 year-old priest and former gay lover of ex-Labour MP Tim Barnett has been arrested for allegedly misappropriating over $500,000 from AUT University. Jonathan Kirkpatrick, a former Dean of Dunedin’s St Paul’s Cathedral, has resigned as chief executive of the University’s Business Innovation Centre after an internal investigation. He has since been arrested and charged over the alleged “accounting discrepancies” and appeared in Court last Thursday. The NZ Herald reported that Kirkpatrick’s lawyer Russell Fairbrother stated in court that his client “took full responsibility for his actions” and indicated that Kirkpatrick would enter a plea to the charges at his next court appearance. The discrepancies related to money in the research and development field, and the money is apparently not income derived from student fees. Despite this, University Vice-Chancellor Derek McCormack sent an email to the university’s 26,000 students expressing AUT’s disappointment in the former staff member, and informing the students that the University will be doing everything within its power to recover the losses. The alleged theft is not really a surprise to anyone, however, as AUT’s legendary inability to notice the fact that they put the word ‘university’ in their name twice means they were always fairly unlikely to notice a minor detail like someone stealing heaps of their money. Critic spoke to an Otago University spokesperson, eager to find out if any staff members of our University had been done for embezzlement in recent times. However a University spokesperson told Critic that “no situation similar to that of the alleged misappropriation of funds at AUT University has occurred in recent years”. – Lozz Holding

Students have slammed Auckland University after it was revealed the university spent $24 million on travel for academic and general staff in the last financial year. That figure dwarfs the spending of any other tertiary institution in New Zealand, with Massey University spending $11 million and Victoria University $9 million. Students have expressed dismay at the figure, with Auckland University Students’ Association President Joe McCrory telling One News that “it’s a bit unfair for students who are struggling to enter university to see that a lot is being spent on conferences and travel”. Particularly under fire was the University’s policy for reimbursing staff for the purchase of alcohol, although the University defended the practice, saying that alcohol was only reimbursed when consumed with meals and in moderation. The University also added that flights must be economy class and accommodation “modest”. The University of Otago’s spending on travel seems very ‘modest’ by comparison to Auckland’s, with the University spending just $8.4 million in the last fiscal year, a mere third of the Auckland total. A Postgraduate Humanities student told Critic that the Division offered support for each student to travel to one international conference during their PhD tenure, but that the process for accessing funding was carefully controlled and monitored. “It is a sensible and robust system that I would not characterise as excessive or an inappropriate use of student funds. I did, however, get to keep my airpoints.” Better scratch that Cessna order then. – Gregor Whyte

Critic Issue 19 –

News

SJS to close.

Student labourers sought to help with clearout. Apply online. Last week Student Job Search confirmed that its local on-campus branches will close in September. A new centralised system will provide services for the recruitment agency from a national call-centre in Wellington. SJS Chief Executive Paul Kennedy said a review of the current system had revealed an alarming disconnect between students and the graduate market. Whilst SJS currently caters well to casual and part-time work, Kennedy believes more focus should be on developing student-employee relations, which will help students gain work once they graduate. Under the new system, three sales-based positions have been established to proactively liase between businesses and the agency. These positions have been designed to ensure that any businesses seeking out student workers are appropriately profiled and advertised on the SJS database. In doing this, Kennedy believes SJS could help address the gap in New Zealand’s graduate market by promoting jobs to graduates that haven’t previously been adequately advertised to the graduate population. Kennedy also believes that advertising such positions to students while they are still studying will encourage young people to apply locally. Kennedy outlines the importance of developing stronger relations with student associations, as they will be “essential in improving SJS advertising”. However, SJS Otago Regional Office Team Leader Suzanne Te Au is concerned that students are unaware of the possible changes that the new structure will bring. Speaking to Critic, Te Au pointed out that despite the availability of all SJS services online, many students still come into the on-campus kiosk. Due to the large number of students in the city, Te Au said an on-campus presence is essential in maintaining interactive relations between students, employers and SJS. As a local enterprise, the Otago SJS office has been able to establish relationships with many businesses in the Otago region, resulting in a reliable and continual source of employment for students. Unfortunately for students, Te Au believes this is unlikely to continue under the new structure. The Otago branch has one permanent employee and four staff on fixed-term contracts who will remain until the end of September. – Teuila Fuatai

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Nineties American Airline runs Ice Hockey game The Douglas Webber group brought three International Ice Hockey games to New Zealand, showcasing top players from the USA and Canada in Auckland and Christchurch before finishing off at the Dunedin Ice Stadium last Wednesday night. The teams were competing for the NZ Exhibition Cup, with the winner being the team to have scored the most goals throughout the 3 games. Canada won 5-4 in front of the sell-out crowd in Auckland and then again in front of the sell out crowd in Christchurch (7-3). USA grabbed victory on the final night 7-6, but it was not enough to stop Canada lifting the shield in the Dunedin Ice Stadium. The event was substantially oversold in Dunedin, with a Critic reporter who attended the game overhearing a comment from one of the stadium staff members, “we didn’t think everyone would turn up.” At $80 a ticket, Critic struggles to understand the logic behind that. The aim of the event was to promote the growth of ice hockey in New Zealand. – Lozz Holding

News

Amnesty not observed The University Link and the lawn area outside the library were the scenes of violent re-enactments by Amnesty International to raise awareness about the silencing of political activists last Wednesday August 3. Students dressed entirely in black marched through the Link, much to the surprise of those grazing on their Frankly’s and talking loudly about how much they were planning to drink that night. The actors proceeded to physically remove shouting students from the lawn outside the library, causing some to “bleed” fake blood from their mouths. The completion of the performance was met by a smattering of applause as the actors handed out notices explaining the hullabaloo. According to Amnesty, the performance was “intended to be representative of the peaceful community of San Jose de Apartado in Columbia who have been harassed by rival paramilitaries and guerillas.” Over 170 members of the community have been killed or have disappeared, while others have been threatened or sexually assaulted for exercising their right to peace. Student Kari Schmidt, who organised the performance, said she thought it was successful. “One women was even crying afterwards. And that’s what it was all about, shocking people out of their complacency a bit, bringing these issues to life in a really visceral way.” “We get so desensitised to these things because we experience them as going on everywhere, all the time. That attitude of ‘what difference can I make?’ is such a common one.” To find out more about Amnesty International and how you can be involved, email amnesty.otago@gmail.com. – Staff Reporter

New Divisional Postgrad Reps In the wake of a recent OUSA Postgraduate Committee meeting, eight new Divisional Representatives for the rest of the year have been confirmed. These are: Simon Hoermann, Sarah Forbes, Anna Lindstrom, Aniruddha Chatterjee, Maria Pozza, Margi McMurdo-Reading, Adam Beissel and Sourav Paul. The Divisions they represent include Commerce, Sciences, Humanities and Health Sciences. The appointments come after only two students were elected to be on the Postgraduate Committee during an election last semester. The next Postgraduate Committee meeting is at 4pm on August 24, in the OUSA Board Room. Input and agenda items are welcome. – Basti Menkes Critic Issue 19 –

News

Animal Rescue Edition Critic hadn’t had a rendezvous with the Proctor since before the holidays, so we were expecting a good haul of stories when we strolled into his mighty chambers of justice. Disappointingly, Re-O Week seems to have been a relatively tame affair, with no stories of note from our favourite disciplinarian. Thankfully, however, the pre-holiday period was much livelier, with the University experiencing an influx of wild animals that would have given Steve Irwin a wet dream. Actually it was just a stray dog and five chickens, but hey. The stray wandered onto campus, having arrived from Opoho via a scenic stroll through the Botanical Gardens, and ended up taking residence in a Burns lecture theatre. He sat quite happily up the back, presumably listening to whatever airy-fairy-hippy they had teaching in Burns that day, before Campus Watch came

and removed him. The poor mutt apparently had “a wire in his head that wasn’t quite right” according to the Proctor. Between the brain damage, his unkempt appearance and his festering smell, we imagine he probably fitted in quite well with the arts students. Around exam time, one of the best library pranks Critic has ever heard of went down in the Central Library. Forget dropping suitcases full of cutlery down the stairs, these innovators let five live chickens loose on the upstairs floor of the Library. The Proctor said that Campus Watch was deployed when the situation was discovered, and that they were quickly in “hot pursuit” of the chickens who were actually “relatively tame.” Personally we’ve never seen Campus Watch move at any pace that would count as “hot pursuit”, but then they do say there is a first time for everything. The only way this prank could have been improved would have been to label the fowl

1, 2, 3, 5, 6, which would have undoubtedly led to Campus Watch spending the rest of the day in search of Chicken #4. The SPCA apparently took possession of the chickens, saving them from a fate worse than death: becoming the buns of a KFC Double Down. To round things off with a human stupidity story, a flat of lads had a bit of a ‘mare when they OD-ed on Jackie Chan movies and decided to try out their roundhouse kicks inside the flat. The dwelling’s resplendent mahogany banisters were the unfortunate victims of this drunken escapade, and every single one of the beams was kicked out in an impressive orgy of kung fu. Even more impressive than the lad’s high-kicks is the price-tag associated with the night’s drinking; Critic understands that it’s a solid $9,500. That’s a lot of lapdances at Stilettos, and a shit ton of Southern Golds. Not such a good idea maybe. – Aimee Gulliver

Secretary Donna Jones was notably absent from last week’s meeting, and her absence was not for the better. Stand-in AJ didn’t display Donna’s skill at wrangling the monkeys/ exec members, and this was reflected in the tedious length of the meeting. First up, the never ending “what to do with Mojos?” debate raged on like a persistent bout of chlamydia, with all of the Exec apart from Logan originally keen to fix it, then sell it. Unfortunately at that point a proclamation from Logan of “I say fucking demo it, but you guys want to keep it, so fuck you,” sparked a fresh round of debate that made the Hundred Year Wars look fleeting. The ludicrous volume of debate had Critic siding with Logan’s novel suggestion of letting his dad knock it down. According to Logan, his dad has got “a digger and a truck. He’s done it all before. It should come down like a house on fire.” Mr Edgar Senior will also

apparently “kill a man for half a grand,” though we aren’t quite sure of the relevance of that to the Mojo’s issue. Also, because the Mojos building is heaps old, they apparently need to get an archaeologist in to check it out, leading Logan to speculate on the possibility of finding a dinosaur. He even volunteered to have a gander, professing that he could easily do the job as he had done an Archaeology paper during his time at uni. Eventually Logan’s eloquent words, “it won’t be the last money we spend on that piece of shit, it’s rooted,” won over the other Exec members, with consensus reached that a qualified archaeologist be sent to Mojos for a look-see. Election dates started up another round of unproductive bitching, with each date that was proposed then deemed less suitable than the last. One option was having elections run into Art Week, which would have really

pissed off Events – they’d already specifically requested the events not to coincide. In yet more wins from the unruly exec (read: President), Logan walked out of the room while a motion was tabled, asking if someone else could “do the against, abstentions, carried bit for me? I need to make wees.” He also professed “the budget and shit” to be “all fucking boring,” and expressed alarm when Critic started to write that down. Not to worry though, Edgar plans to take out the cycling at the Otago-Canterbury Sports Exchange, telling organiser Sarah that “I’m coming, and I’m going to win. But that’s another story.” We are betting there is a story behind the hickey he’s sporting at the moment as well. What a naughty wench that boy is. – Aimee Gulliver

Critic Issue 19 –

News

VOTE CHAT:

THE POWER HUNGRY

MR WOODHOUSE Leading into the November election, politics lecturer Bryce Edwards is interviewing New Zealand politicians each Friday at noon. Last Friday, National backbencher and North Dunedin electorate candidate Michael Woodhouse took the stage and talked about being the fifth of nine children, his take on drugs, and the joy of lignite mining. Michael Woodhouse may not be Dunedin’s electoral candidate, but he is every bit the Dunedin boy. Born in 1965 in South D, Woodhouse was the fifth of nine children born to a Catholic mother and father, a registered nurse and a technician at Port Otago respectively. Woodhouse admits that his lineage is more politically left than right, but puts the difference down to his membership in Generation X, and even his middle child status. His first moments of political awareness were coloured, no doubt, by the end of Rogernomics and the landslide return to power of Jim Bolger’s National government. Woodhouse fully embraced the working class identity. He left high school at the end of sixth form (year 12 for you lot) to go and work in a bank for five years. It wasn’t until after returning from his OE in London that he decided he liked money enough to stump up for a university education. And stump up he did. His return to education coincided with Lockwood Smith, the then Tertiary Education Minister, sneaking student fees in through the backdoor (which is where most current students would like to shove their student fees again). Woodhouse took a “shit happens, times are tough” approach to having to pay for his own tertiary education, preferring to smoke in the union hall than join in the anti-fee protests. He describes himself as “hugely interested [in], but uninvolved” in politics during his student days. He worked multiple part time jobs while studying, largely it seems to finance buying a ten-speed bike and a watch. The big ticket items, like an engagement ring for his future wife, were placed on his student loan (that’s right people, you used to be able to put anything you liked on your student loan, even diamond rings). After finishing uni, Woodhouse qualified as a chartered accountant and began to accumulate the necessary wealth to secure entry into the National Party. His final job before entering politics was Chief Executive of Mercy Hospitals. His experience sowed a political conviction that the more profitable you are, the more you can do for society. He believes

that NZ needs to do more to build its trade and export sectors if it is to fund the social services that New Zealanders have become so use to. While Woodhouse considers himself more socially liberal than most of his National counterparts, he struggled when challenged to provide concrete examples. Questioned whether he supported drug law reform, Woodhouse was opposed, despite admitting to having hit the bong over twenty years ago. He considers alcohol to be different from other drugs, as it is something that you can have “normally, without your head spinning”. Woodhouse went so far as to say that if you want access to social services, he wants the right to intervene in the way you run your life. His major concern is that if further legalisation of marijuana occurs it will make the drug problem in NZ worse. His concern carried over to Kronic, saying “If we (National) cannot solve the current Kronic problem, our mandate to govern is seriously eroded”. His socially liberal street cred was further stressed when he overtly supported offshore drilling and lignite mining in Southland. “I do not believe there is a mutual exclusivity between sustainability and benefitting from our natural resources” said Woodhouse. Woodhouse seemed happy with his backbencher role, calling the select committees that make up so much of his work the “engine room of parliament”, though he admitted to hoping for bigger things “I would like to be a Minister in a John Key government… I hope, and I think it is generally a meritocracy”. Asked what was the highlight of his tenure in parliament, Woodhouse was in no doubt that it was seeing the final passage of treaty negotiation legislation, “It makes your hair stand on end to see people who have struggled for a hundred and fifty years to get what see what they see as justice, and have members of the iwi stand in parliament and sing a waiata, is something I will never forget”. – Joe Stockman This Friday 12th August at noon in Archway 2, Clare Curran, the Labour MP for Dunedin South will step up to the plate.

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in a Charlotte Greenfield explores the strained dichotomy between the sexualisation of women, and the judgement of women’s sexuality.

STARTS EARLY. A MARKETING EXERCISE IN THE US ANALYSED LANguage used in advertising aimed at children. Boys got words such as “battle”, “power” and “heroes” while girls got “love”, “magic” and “babies”. How might this difference play out ten or so years later when these little boys and girls become not-so-little and sexuality starts to play a dominant part in their lives?

Freud, being Freud, also thought the discussion around sexuality needed to start with childhood. He hypothesized, sometimes a little wildly, that certain childhood experiences, such as a boy having a poor emotional bond with his mother, would colour his take on sexuality in later life. One way his sexuality could be coloured was through a ‘Madonna/Whore complex’ in which a man can only identify women as falling under two distinct personas. The ‘whore’ side is relatively selfexplanatory; its opposite comes in the form of a virginal mother figure (a bit of a contradiction, but then Madonna managed it). Not limited to men with mother issues, the fascination with the two extremes can also operate on a societal level, resulting in the hasty categorisation of women into one class or the other. It is no secret that Dr Albert Makary believes New Zealand women are unduly promiscuous. It is no secret that many New Zealand women regard Dr Albert Makary as a misogynist. Makary’s comparison of women’s sex to “paddock mating” was insulting, his claim that New Zealand women have an average of 20 sexual partners was based on dubious Durex led ‘research’ and his solution of “stigmatizing” such behaviour was not very helpful given that that stigmatization is often the worst way of dealing with a problem. But perhaps the misguided Makary’s heart was in the right place; he calls himself “an eyewitness of the pain” promiscuity causes. He was concerned that sex Critic Issue 19 –

Features Madonna in a Corset was taking place in a culture he described as “if you can remember what happened yesterday you haven’t had enough fun”. Outside of our fair campus, such an attitude is seen as a justifiable cause for concern, especially if it results as Makary claims in children with mothers unable to remember the fathers of their children. So, though hedged in unhelpful language, Makary’s contentions are not utterly preposterous. But, why the focus on women? They’re not having sex with themselves (well perhaps they are, but this doesn’t seem to be the type of sex Makary’s worrying about). Surely men are equally culpable in the undertaking of promiscuity and surely if promiscuity is something damaging, it would be equally damaging to men. As a gynecologist, Makary’s anecdotal evidence would revolve around his female patients, but aside from this there is a strong tendency to see negative sexual behaviour in a view revolving around women. At the beginning of every semester Catherine Dale asks her Otago gender studies class whether a girl who sleeps around is labeled a ‘slut’. Without fail they respond ‘yes’, while the corresponding label for men that sleep around is that they are ‘having fun’. This raises the question of whether there is some something intrinsically negative about ‘excessive’ sexual behaviour by women that does not exist in ‘excessive’ sexual behaviour by men. Science has looked into this. New Scientist recently cited a study at Bradley University which suggests, “if a person was high in being able to trust other people, they were monogamous. If they were very low in trust they were much more likely to be unrestricted in sociosexuality.” However the study emphasized this was true as much for men as for women. To accompany this research was a study that found that, as dubious as it sounds, women with longer ring fingers tend to have more sexual partners. Researchers believe that having a longer ring finger is linked to a higher prenatal exposure to testosterone. This could support the theory that women who have multiple sexual partners are seen as acting more in a stereotypically masculine manner, which could also explain the backlash; society doesn’t always like it when its members act out of their gender stereotypes. Common sense can probably accompany science on this issue. Critic’s favourite sex columnist, Mrs John Wilmot, and I had a discussion about what it means in New Zealand when women are, to use the phrase we eventually decided upon, “sleeping around”. “There’s no dialogue at all, just people throwing ideas out into the ether. People are then going to choose the worldview that best justifies their own lifestyle.” If Mrs John Wilmot had to call someone a ‘slut’ she would use it to describe someone who sleeps around with no self-respect, rather than because they like having sex. “I think people do judge that harshly, and they assume all women are like this.” When discussing conceptions of women and sex, the words “needy” and “emotional” come up a lot, whereas Mrs John Wilmot can’t help but think we need to start making the words “strong” and “confident” a more regular part of this conversation. However as much as the ‘slut’ side of the spectrum is stereotyped, it’s just as easy to go the other way. “I’m a bit guilty, sometimes,” she admits, “of viewing people who are monogamous as a bit boring.” Critic decided to seek a male perspective on this issue and talked to a student who sees men’s role in the Madonna/Whore complex as something like this: “From experience, one does reach the point where sexual desires, and the nature and power of our sexual appetites, tend to diverge. If the lass’ desires outrun your own, that can be very disconcerting for men, who cast themselves, and are cast, as the more lustful of the sexes… you tend to start feeling insecure and that insecurity, more often than not, leads to denigration of the gal as a ‘slut’ in the long run.” So men want women to be ‘whores’, but can’t handle Critic Issue 19 –

Madonna in a Corset Features it when they are? “I think that it’s exactly what it is, of course it’s a gross oversimplification, but what men want is a whore who is their whore, and who they can outfuck and leave exhausted and replete.” And where does the ‘Madonna’ side fit into all this? “Our need for ownership.” Catherine Dale from Otago’s gender studies department thinks the Madonna side of the traditional dichotomy is beginning to collapse, at least in Western society. “With the exception of a few, I don’t think people expect women to be virginal anymore.” With no obvious antithesis to the ‘whore’ role, we are instead led to question what role we do expect women to play in expressing their sexuality. What this hole reveals, suggests Catherine Sale is “the fear around female sexual desire”. We know how to deal with it in a ‘slut’ context – by responding with judgment or sympathy – but outside of this, society seems a little confused about how to deal with the fact that women have sexual desire and, thanks to contraception and less economic reliance on a male partner, are able to exercise it more freely than before. But hand in hand with this fear comes fascination with female sexuality. This is played out in the coverage of women in the public eye with Erin Gloria Ryan observing on the blog Jezebel that, “the yellow journalism of celebrity reporting has seeped into profiles of powerful women”. She suggested sardonically that a Guardian piece on the International Monetary Fund’s new boss, Christine LaGarde, be re-titled: “First Female Head of the IMF Smart and Sexy, But Mostly Sexy” due to being “marred by the stereotypical body pan down that so often accompanies profiles of women.” In New Zealand we are far from immune from the “stereotypical body pan effect” and the increased focus found on the sexual attributes of female politicians. Dr Chris Rudd from Otago’s politics department agrees. “With Helen Clark there were constant references to her not having children, to what she was wearing, to whether she was photo-shopped. Would they say that about a man?” That is the question it all comes down to, and the answer is invariably ‘no’. Helen Clark confirmed this, “yes, undoubtedly there is still more focus on the appearance of women than of men in public life - on hair styles, clothes, and presentation generally.” “It’s unfortunate,” says Chris Rudd, “because it puts women politicians in the position of having to ask: should I play to these prejudices? Or should I be bolshy and pull people up on it and then be seen in a certain image, in not being ‘one of the boys’.” As a young, female politician, Labour MP Jacinda Ardern knows this better than anyone. She thinks the focus on female sexuality in politics, “probably manifests itself in the differences in the questions I sometimes get asked and the type of attention I sometimes receive. Do I feel discriminated about it? That’s not the word I would use but it is something I wish would change.” When she shares a platform with the also female and also young National MP Nikki Kaye, “the type of attention becomes very stark.” When they both decided to run for the Auckland Central electorate in the lead up to the 2008 election, the New Zealand Herald delicately entitled their coverage of it “Battle of the Babes”. “That’s the term that’s been raised ever since, the phrase that’s been coined,” says Jacinda. It’s not exactly misogyny, but return to that question, “would they say that about a man?” and society’s divergent view of female and male sexuality becomes apparent. Critic Issue 19 –

Features Not only one Wright track

Not only one Wright track

A while ago, Commissioner for the Environment Jan Wright was in town, and without really knowing exactly what her job entailed, I seized upon the opportunity to interview someone from the real world, outside of our Dunedin bubble. It emerged that Jan Wright was appointed as Commissioner for the Environment in 2007, an apolitical role that sees Wright undertake investigations to produce reports, which are then tabled in parliament. The role lasts for a five year period, after which “Parliament may or may not decide to offer me reappointment”. Wright comes from an interdisciplinary background, first studying physics, then energy at Berkeley, then public policy at Harvard. She’s a firm believer that rather than meticulously planning one’s career, one should consider different options as they present themselves. “I think that life can lead you in really interesting directions if you’re open to taking opportunities. You don’t have to be locked in to where you started”. While fairly disparate, each of her interests relate to and complement each other. “All of these things just add up. In a way, I’m a generalist now.” Unsurprisingly, Wright believes that the biggest environmental issue currently facing New Zealand is climate change. “To me, this is about the future of humanity really. I would much rather not believe in climate change, but I don’t believe I have a choice.” Wright insists that while New Zealand is a very small contributor, we still need to take strong action for a number of reasons. “Climate change is an ‘I will if you will’ thing, it’s called a problem of collective action. Another thing people say is ‘it’s mostly China and India’. Well, if I was in China or India, I’d look at New Zealand and think ‘those “I WOULD people are so rich compared to MUCH RATHER me, why would I bother doing anything?’. And then as well as that, NOT BELIEVE we brand ourselves as clean and IN CLIMATE green so it’s not a good look not to be looking after our environment.” CHANGE, When, on the subject of BUT I DON’T branding, I made reference to comments on New Zealand’s BELIEVE I HAVE Key’s 100% pure branding, Wright, who had previously been quite serious, A CHOICE” laughed. “Certainly New Zealand can’t claim to be 100% pure literally. It’s a bit of an unfortunate slogan, really.” But however we word it, Wright believes New Zealand needs to remain clean and green, and because of this, we shouldn’t get involved with the mining of lignite. As well as the fact that we will already need to buy a lot of carbon credits offshore, she insists that we should be playing to our strengths rather than mining something which a lot of other countries have. “It doesn’t seem right to me that we would be

doing something which was so carbon intensive. It is a poor quality fossil fuel. Someone described it to me as having the energy content of cow dung.” Wright is a strong advocate of 1080, a notorious pest killer which incidentally, as Wright gleefully tells me, is found in tea. Interestingly, our pest problem could be not such a problem at all, had the possums in New Zealand come from East Australia. “Two thirds of West Australia’s plants actually make 1080, and they make it as an anti-browsing agent. So what happened was an evolutionary race between the native plants and animals, which the animals actually won because they became immune [to it]. Had our possums come from Eastern Australia, rather than Western Australia, 1080 wouldn’t actually kill them”. Despite advocating the use of 1080, Wright believes that the anti1080 people have done a great service over the years. “The controls have been put on over the years, and it is extremely well controlled now. But these other ones [other more dangerous poisons] have not perhaps received the attention they should have”. Economic aims and environmental aims are often seen to be in conflict with one another. However, Wright doesn’t believe this necessarily has to be the case. In the instance of using DOC estate for commercial purposes, Wright is supportive in principal. “It is 30% of New Zealand, it’s a very big asset. There is no reason why we shouldn’t earn money off that asset, provided we don’t damage the conservation values”. She adds, “more commercial use is inevitable, so whether or not you’re for or against it, it’s going to happen”. Indeed, Wright says she always considers the economic side of environmental policy. “I think with lignite mining, there’s a real fiscal risk there, because the tax payer could end up funding a really carbon intensive industry. Economic arguments for the environment are often a bit longer term than standard economic arguments. But the environment is very much a part of our economy”. I ask Wright what environmental changes New Zealand needs to make, and Wright barely knows where to start. “With environmental issues, like anything else, things do go a little bit in and out of fashion, so we do have an environmental issue of the day.” Along with climate change, apparently the new big thing is “water quality”. But it’s always hard deciding what’s most important, so Wright has to prioritise, starting with the things that are “irreversible”. It’s comforting to know our environment, or at least, our research into the environment, is in good hands.

Critic Issue 19 –

Dr John McEwan

Profile

The population of sheep in New Zealand currently sits at around 43.1 million. They double the number of cows and yet have a better environmental reputation. What springs to mind when you hear natterings of a fart tax? Yes, Dairy farms. Sheep, on the other hand, are a bit overlooked by the general population, but not to those at AgResearch Invermay, just outside of Mosgiel. In fact, for the past two years, Dr John McEwan and his colleagues have been investigating the production of Greenhouse Gases (GHGs) such as methane in sheep populations. Georgie Fenwicke talked to him about his research, past and present, in the area. Can you describe what effect the production of methane by sheep and cattle has on the environment? A lot of greenhouse gas production in New Zealand comes from production of methane [by cattle and sheep]. I can’t remember the exact figures, but I think something around 54%. You’re currently working on breeding low methane producing sheep. What’s the science behind that? With our work we have two main aims: the first is to try and find how big that variation is, how consistent it is and what proportion is related to the genetics of the animal itself rather than the bugs in the rumen [a body part that helps with digestion], because the methane is actually produced by the bugs in the rumen, not by the animal. So it is how the animal is controlling the bugs in the rumen that produce the methane. The second part, assuming that this variation has a genetic component, is how it is related to the traits people look for in sheep and cattle at the moment. So how is it related to weight, wool production, to the number of lambs born and a number of other traits? Another aim you have had was to create a faster, cheaper way of obtaining these estimates. How is that going? In our research all we really need to do for breeding is to rank the animals; we don’t need to know what the actual readings are. We just need to know which is better than that one with a reasonable degree of reliability. The short answer is that measurements over a short period of about an hour are pretty reasonable under some circumstances and that potentially offers a cheaper way of measuring more animals. If developed, how will your research be distributed? Will it be taken to market, or given to farmers to work with? We know that there is individual variation between animals so let’s see what is causing it. If we understand that process, there are all sorts of possibilities that it could be changed. If we go down the breeding line - if methane emissions are genetically variable in animals - then, we could do it directly using a rapid sheep measurement for methane. That is one possibility, probably in a central facility. But another possibility is using what are called SNP (Single Nucleotide Polymorphisms) chips, which basically measure many thousands of DNA variations across the genome. Another possibility is that we could train these SNP chips on animals, so that we have measured and simply genetise animals and make predictions of their difference in methane production.

You were instrumental in the development of these SNP chips. How were they developed? I was a part of a core group that sequenced, in this particular case, the sheep genome. Based on the information we got, we selected a bunch of SNP’s which were equally spaced across the genome and quite polymorphic, and we worked with a company called Illumina to make a SNP chip. Those SNP chips are being widely used around the world now. On a personal note, you graduated with a Bachelor of Science from Otago in Biochemistry; what led you into the field of sheep and cattle genetics? I came from a farm down in Southland, right down in a place called Tokanui, where Jamie Mackintosh the Captain of the Southland rugby team comes from. On our farm, we had a stud sheep flock so I was obviously bought up with farming, and I then went off and did what was then a rather novel degree in Biochemistry at Otago. At that time there weren’t many jobs and most people went overseas straightaway. I don’t know, after about eighteen months or two years, I finished up working on a research station down there that is now part of AgResearch and I have been here ever since. Where to from here? In this research we are doing at the moment, we have got some interesting results, but there is no indication that we will be able to apply it economically to the industry. We are proceeding down the path and by the end of the year we will probably be in a reasonable position to see where this research will be and where we will need to go to from there. So we should expect some sort of announcement next year? Hopefully. In saying that there is no absolute certainty that you will be able to apply it economically to the industry, I couldn’t help but notice that many of the companies funding the PGgRC are names such as Fonterra and PGG Wrightson. Do you think they will have an effect on being able to apply it? Companies in New Zealand such as Agriculture New Zealand and Fonterra are funding it because Greenhouse gases are of vital importance to their industries long term; to try and reduce emissions. Like all research they are funding it in the knowledge that if they invest in the area, one or more of the approaches will come up with something useful.

Critic Issue 19 –

Features Ode to the Vagina

OD E TO T H E

VAGINA A M AN’S VIEW ON W OMEN’S LIBER ATION

JOE STOCKMAN

A MAN WRITING AN ARTICLE ON WOMEN’S LIBERATION, THERE IS A

lot of room to get into Alasdair Thompson-style trouble. I am a twenty something, straight, white male. While I have on occasion dated women, dressed as a woman, and spent many hours fantasizing about women, I have never actually been woman. I am no misogynist, in fact I consider myself to be a feminist. I’m an everyday guy with the usual array of views, opinions and misconceptions about a women’s place in society. I hope that when you’ve finished reading this you won’t feel the need to flagellate me. Unless of course you want to… In the immortal lines from Kindergarten Cop, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. And therein lies the tension. The endless longing to join the two together for a little p-in-v action determines so much of how we view the opposite sex. Men don’t want to sexualize women, but we sure do want to have sex with women. Every time we see a female we consciously or unconsciously size up their potential as a sexual partner. Our basest instincts demand that our immediate conceptions of women are about their ability to bear our children. It is difficult then to differentiate between the desire to have sex with a woman, and our responsibility to treat women as total equals. Much of what we do every day is done to increase our chances of having sex: if sex wasn’t even an option, tooth brushing, doing the dishes, gym sessions and clothes washing would all go right out the window. It’s not that we just want to have sex with you. Eventually we want to be all grown up and play house, but when we do, it is usually women who lose out to the pressures and realities of modern life. Incredibly complicated negotiations go on in relationships about what role each person is going to play, yet it is often a fait accompli that the women’s career will take a back seat when it comes to child rearing and running a household. And when a mother returns to the work force, she will struggle to advance as fast as her male counterparts who stayed on the career fast track. Women have already managed to correct most of the glaring injustices of the past. The feminist and women’s liberation movements of the 1970s secured reproductive rights, universal suffrage, maternity leave, and at least the edifice of equal pay for equal work. However, the movement stalled before fully removing the structural injustices that continue to restrict their opportunities. The less that structural and institutional injustices are in your face, the harder it is to remove the glaring inconsistencies of yesteryear. It’s even possible that the gay rights movement sucked a lot of the oxygen out of the room for women’s rights before they could really achieve full equality.

Critic Issue 19 –

M en don’t want to se xualize w omen, but w e sure do want to hav e se x with w omen

Ode to the Vagina Features

Kiwi women continue to earn less than men in NZ, but we need to differentiate that from being paid less. There is still a small difference between men and women who work in identical jobs. But the greatest difference exists because men predominate in jobs that society values more highly; professions like surgeons or corporate lawyers. Professional women often move into careers that are not as highly valued by society, or highly paid. According to Gender Studies Associate Professor Annabel Cooper, the status and pay of a profession tends to drop as more women move into it. Regardless of pay, many Kiwis argue that women have already reached a position of parity in NZ, pointing to the prominence of New Zealand women in high profile positions: in 2001 the Governor General, Supreme Court Justice and Prime Minister were all women. However, Associate Professor Cooper suggests that these women may have been a single cohort of professional women who all chose careers over families,

women who made huge sacrifices to get where they were; sacrifices that we should not expect women to have to continue to make. So maybe it’s time for men to be more involved in the task of fulfilling the promise of women’s liberation. I’m not trying to undercut the ability of women to create their own change, saying that women are unable to achieve justice without a man providing it for them. But men need to join the fight for true and total equality as feverishly as women have been fighting for the past 40 years. Nowadays most men are fully supportive of bra burning. It’s not that we don’t like bras; they’re like really awesome wrapping paper, but eventually you want to see what’s underneath. However the days of bra burning are now behind us; the challenge now is to overcome the structural and institutional forms of gender discrimination that continue to persist. And counter-intuitively, men need to be more active in the fight for these things. If men do not demand that they be given more time off to provide childcare, to work around the home, and to allow their partners to continue working, then employers and the government will never provide it for them. Many of the changes that still need to occur are about how men view their role in society, and what they demand from their employers. It probably wouldn’t surprise people that most women who have children want to be mothers, and want to take time out from work or careers to care for their kids. But men need to push their employers to give them more time off to engage in childcare too. Women still perform the majority of the household chores, often as well as being the primary child caregiver and working full time. Men need to take an equal responsibility for household work and childcare. If both partners drop from fulltime work to 75% of full time, many families would be able to manage, while allowing both partners to stay involved in the work force. Men must be willing to do this more, and employers need be willing to accept it. Guys, we’ve had a good run. But it’s long past time that we stepped up to the plate and started acting like real men, dirty diapers and all.

Critic Issue 19 –

Innocent-minded Siobhan Downes experiences the genre of ‘female porn’ – pornography made especially for women.

Critic Issue 19 –

It was the worst timing.

When I set out to become a connoisseur of female porn, I was actually snowed in at my parents’ house. Thus the initial stages of my research were, unfortunately, conducted in my childhood bedroom. Undeterred by my pink-schemed, Twilight-postered surroundings, I pushed the Beanie Babies off my bed, wrapped myself in a Groovy Chick duvet cover, and immersed myself in the online world of cock, cum shots and cunnilingus. I felt a bit dodgy about the whole thing, especially with Mum knocking on my door, offering baked goods as I scanned my way through pages of smut. Cheers Mum. So I consulted an online guide written by notorious sexologist Violet Blue – ‘A First Timer’s Guide to Watching Porn’. It was reassuring and informative. “If you’re female, admitting to yourself that you want to watch a dirty movie may take some – or a lot of – forethought. One of the major obstacles that we women face is the widely held notion that women don’t respond to visual imagery as men do – a notion that is absolutely untrue.” She makes reference to a study conducted by the University in Amsterdam in 1994, which proved that women are just as turned on by sexy images as men, with all subjects experiencing increased vaginal blood flow. Graphic. But what is significant is that the study also showed that women responded better to women-directed, female-oriented porn. If I was going to watch some of this female porn for myself, I had to know what I was looking for. I spoke with Anna Paris, a PhD candidate in the University of Otago Gender Studies programme, about the troublesome relationship between women and porn. “There have been lots of problems surrounding women and porn,” she told me. “There’s been the idea that straight women don’t like it, it’s tacky, it causes problems in relationships – it’s accepted that women are generally uncomfortable with porn. As opposed to men, who are constructed as ‘visual creatures’, it’s thought that women need emotional stimulation instead – so your classic example would be Mills and Boon romance novels.”

Critic Issue 19 –

Features Dicks out for the Girls These preconceived notions about women’s sexuality have created a divide among feminist groups about the role of porn in women’s sexual liberation, Anna explained. “Feminists sit differently on the fence. Some argue that female sex should be celebrated and enjoyed. Others say women should take control of their sexuality, and not ‘sell out’ by engaging with porn. The radical feminist argument is that all porn is wrong, and exploitative. The post-feminists tend to be supportive – you can still be a porn star and be a feminist. It’s all about breaking down double standards.” She noted that the feminist arguments surrounding porn are also relevant to her own area of study, women’s use of cosmetic surgery. “Women are really affected by it. They go into the surgeon’s office and say they want breast implants so they can look like porn stars. And then there’s the ‘designer vagina’. They say they’re doing it for themselves, but they can’t even see down there. It raises the question, who are women’s bodies for?” I put on my hypothetical porn-star-sexy-librarian outfit and did a spot of delving into what academia has had to say on the subject. A notable concept in feminist theory is that of the ‘male gaze’, which suggests that women’s bodies belong to men’s eyes only. The term, coined by feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey in 1973, refers to the fact that in classical Hollywood cinema, the spectator is constantly in the perspective of the man – in other words, we’re always looking from his ‘gaze’. Women always feature in relation to man, typically as objects of their desire. It creates a power imbalance in which women only exist passively to be gazed at. This is a huge feature of most mainstream porn movies, and something that female porn tries to react against – with the construction of the ‘Female Gaze’, which attempts to give women the power. It was during the 1970s – the time of Mulvey’s landmark study – that the concept of female porn first developed. The sexual revolution movement that had originated in the 1960s came of age and united with the women’s liberation movement. Women were tired of thumbing through trashy romance paperbacks – they wanted the instant gratification that magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Playgirl were now offering, with their naked male centrefolds. It symbolised a new era of acknowledgment that women too were sexual beings. Then in 1984, ex-porn star Candida Royalle founded Femme Productions, where she created the first porn movies specifically aimed at heterosexual women. This paved the way for a new generation of female porn-directors – and obviously, the internet has since had a phenomenal impact. So, what could I expect from female porn? How was this ‘female gaze’ put in place? Anna had some ideas for me. “In female porn, you’ll see more storyline, dialogue and character development in the plots. It’s more erotica based – there’s more foreplay, and less of the money shot, or the ‘cum shot’.” The ubiquitous ‘cum shot’ has generated much criticism from feminist spectators. Female porn director Candida Royalle has said that she intentionally avoids using these shots in her own films, as she thinks they are ‘grotesque’ and ‘graphic’, and it’s ‘always over when the man comes.’ But Anna also raised the concern of some gender studies theorists that, despite best intentions, female porn is not helping to change gender-based stereotypes about sex. “Women-directed porn is just a minute fraction of the porn industry,” she said, “and it’s all still based on the idea that women’s sexuality is somehow different. The industry tends

It’s more erotica based – there’s more foreplay, and less of the money shot, or the “cum shot”

Critic Issue 19 –

Dicks out for the Girls Features to construct women as if their sexual needs are fundamentally different from men, but there is no acknowledgment that women might experience their sexuality differently from each other. It’s like all women are expected to get turned on by the same things.” With all this in mind, I embarked on my adult adventure. I decided to start at the video shop – the appeal of the elusive R18 secret section was strong, and I thought it would be a symbolic homage to my female porn awakening. Or something. I dragged my boyfriend along with me because I thought he’d have a membership card. Turns out he didn’t. So I had to endure the lengthy sign-up process, which was made really awkward by the fact that I was only signing up so I could rent out porn. Smooth move. We retreated through the swinging doors, ignoring the judgmental sniggers of the video store assistants. The problem was that there were no distinguishable genres of porn – no fetish porn, no gay or lesbian porn, and definitely, no female porn. Nothing but the mainstream, maleoriented kind. I was strangely disappointed. It was all so blatantly tits-and-ass, directed at

that ‘male gaze’. I half-heartedly picked out something titled Sacred Sin (‘where ungodly mortal power is employed to diversify sexual experience’ – what the fuck?), and took it to the counter. I asked if many girls came in and rented porn. “Nah, never,” the girl on the counter informed me. “Our main porn customers at the moment are guys from out of town working at the Stadium. At least this way they can go home and have a wank instead of cheating on their wives.” Apparently people renting porn these days is a pretty rare thing – “you’d be crazy to pay for it, when you can download it”. She then informed me that I’d just missed out on ‘Porno Tuesday’, where I could have rented the movie for half price. I got really dark about that. So I turned to the internet, like normal people in need of porn. I came across the New Sensations ‘Romance Series’, which marketed itself as “changing the way that women perceive pornography.” According to its reviews, it was like “watching your favourite romance novel play out on screen,” with a special focus on love stories. Apparently I was going to “identify with the women onscreen”. I was sceptical. The movie I watched from this series was called Recipe for Romance. I tried to ignore the fact that it sounded like something from the food pages of the Women’s Weekly. The plot was hilarious. It was about a cook named Carolina, whose food has a secret ingredient that makes people want to fuck. Unfortunately, the only unsatisfied customer is Carolina herself – she is so consumed by her work that she is blind to the affections of her sexy catering assistant. If this was meant to be progress in recognising female sexuality in porn, I didn’t get it. The plot didn’t so much turn me on as piss me off. It seemed to be saying that I should ‘identify’ with the woman onscreen, because she was in the kitchen. Powerful stuff. There was a little more ‘romance’, I guess – if couples telling each other ‘you’re so fucking sexy’ in nasal Texan accents are meant to be romantic. The porn star girls were maybe a little bit closer to an ordinary girl – they had some pubes, at least, even if they were shaped into various artistic shapes (I swear one girl had a four leaf clover down there). And as for the ‘cum shot’ – well, he didn’t cum on her face, at least, but I’m not sure how dribbling down her butt is an improvement. It really just emphasised what Anna had said. The experience at the video shop showed that female porn is still highly uncommon – girls aren’t expected to want to watch porn, and if they do, the choice is limited to the ‘male gaze’ variety. When I finally did get my paws on a female porn film, it was even more disappointing. It was stereotypical, sexist, and limiting - it assumed that what women wanted was an onscreen re-enactment of a romance novel. Female porn may be a step towards broadening women’s sexual horizons, but it seems that in the industry as a whole, it’s still a man’s world.

Apparently I was going to “identify with the women onscreen”. I was sceptical.

Critic Issue 19 –

brought to you by:

In Summer Lovin’, Critic sets up two lucky students on a blind date (courtesy of the lovely people at Toast), complete with a bar tab and positive vibez, in an attempt to prove that Dunedinites can date. The only catch: the love birds each divulge all the salacious details of their date in a short snappy article after the fact. If you want the chance to meet your very own Romeo or Juliet, or to at least get some free booze and Critic space, email your age/gender/interests/cell number/sexual orientation to critic@critic.co.nz.

Zara Phillips

Mike Tindall It was a warm spring night in July as I eagerly anticipated my first foray into dating since a series of null performances in the late Nineties. I’d been out of the game a while but it didn’t take long to get back in the groove. She arrived wearing only a kimono and reeking of tomato sauce. Although I am a staunch atheist I am a strong believer in love at first sight and from the moment we locked eyes across the bar, I immediately knew this was the girl I was going to marry. We hit it off from the beginning, with me making most of the conversation (mainly about myself). After a bit of chat, we discovered that we shared a lot of interests, such as DIY, crosswords, and model airplanes. As the liquor began to flow, she began to dominate things, talking about the speeding she does in her car, the dog that killed three cats, and the birds she used to shoot from the window of her house (a girl has to protect her apples, right?). Brothels were also mentioned during the conversation as well as miniature horses (Shetlands mainly). I tried to chime in occasionally but she was obviously getting loaded up on the tequila sunrises and I was repeatedly butted out of the conversation. Eventually she piped down a bit and as the bar tab dried up we were finishing each other’s sentences and staring into each other’s eyes. It was when she placed her hand on mine that I knew she was definitely ‘the one’. After 45 minutes flirting like two love sick teenagers, I knew how the night was going to end. I didn’t beat around the bush and she didn’t take much convincing when I suggested we go back to mine and share a bottle of Monkey Bay Chardonnay. When I added that I was an amazing and extremely unselfish lover the deal was sealed. The night ended on a high note as I performed 45 minutes of cunnilingus before she fellated me, like a slithering komodo dragon, her salivating tongue darting about hungry for love. Ever since, however, I have been in a neck brace and am booked in for an intensive course of physiotherapy, but you can’t put a price on true love.

After arriving early, thanks to transportation limitations, I sat at the bar for about 15 minutes before my date showed up. But luckily for me there was much in the way of entertainment in that short time. Mainly this came in the form of the bartender, both in pouring drinks (luckily I had procured the voucher for the bar tab) and in the stories he told. It was a Thursday night, and only 8pm after all, so not many people were walking through the door, and of those few, all were previously paired. This included a fellow couple on a blind date, though theirs was of the red card variety, and as an extra challenge they were tied together with less than a foot of rope, which made their trips to the bathroom much more adventurous than my own. It was more or less obvious when my date walked through the door. First impressions included a cute face and nice eyes, though, as recounted in previous tales, I knew the lighting in Toast could not be trusted. After ordering him a drink - I was already one down - we adjourned to a booth. Typical conversation followed; majors, age, what colour underwear we were wearing, names and numbers swapped, the usual. Three rounds of drinks later, and half as many hours, Hannah and Guy (the couple from before) joined us to share some of the conversation topics they had been provided in case of lulls. Of course #11 caught my eye immediately: would you rather rape a 50 year old man, or have consensual sex with a 12 year old girl? Go on readers, discuss among your friends, extra points if you’re in a gender studies lecture whilst reading this. But even without the deep, philosophical questions given to us, we had no trouble with awkward silences. While discussing our favourite body parts of the opposite sex (mine = eyes, his = boobs), he seemed quite pleased to learn that the dress I had chosen was only the second least ‘boobtastic’ dress in my wardrobe, mumbling something about “the possibilities”. Once we finished off the bar tab, and downed a couple of drinks after (Toasts Shakers = ecstasy, just picture Homer thinking about donuts), we caught a taxi and let’s just say the night ended with a bang. Or two.

Critic Issue 19 –

Opinion 32 Diatribe | 33 Debatable 34 Two Left Feet, The Eagle of Liberty | 35 State of the Nation 36 Agenda Gap, ODT Watch | 37 Down the Foreign Food Aisle, Just a Thought 38 Sex and...Food, Pissed Off White Woman Critic Issue 19 –

DIATRIBE Cycling is, I believe, one of the greatest pleasures in life and I feel that more people should be on two wheels. But I digress already. I fear that the aforementioned pastime/hobby/transport is becoming a rarity in our great country, in part due to the mandatory bicycle helmet law. If you’ve seen a helmetless Asian guy zipping on his mountain bike around campus or on the road (gasps), then you’ve likely seen me. The mandatory helmet law was passed in 1994, mostly in response to one tenacious Rebecca Oaten whose son Aaron was tragically struck by a car while cycling, without wearing a helmet, to school. His head hit the gutter and he subsequently lived as a tetraplegic until he passed away last year. I’m in no way taking anything away from Ms Oaten whatsoever. It was a terrible, terrible event but that was essentially the catalyst for the helmet law. Fair enough for the young ones learning how to ride safely, but to make a criminal act out of it for adults; I think not. We can apply the same concept to anything else we do in life. Maybe we should all wear full – face helmets, back protectors, gloves, and elbow and knee pads all the time because we might fall over while walking or we might crash while we’re driving. Maybe we shouldn’t get out of bed at all. Eliminate the risk altogether. Oh that’s right, there are also earthquakes. Also subjective anecdotal evidence, while compelling and perhaps exaggerated, shouldn’t supplant objective scientific evidence. I invite anyone to show me sound research and statistics that demonstrate helmets have significantly reduced cycling deaths. I understand New Zealand and Australia are the only countries with mandatory helmet laws and they only discourage cycling by making them seem inherently dangerous. Think of how many more lives will be improved and saved by being more active and fit! In the Netherlands, which has the highest proportion of all trips made on bikes in the world, helmets are hardly ever worn. Go figure. Compulsory helmet wearing has also put off people cycling in other ways, namely aesthetic reasons. Helmet hair is one most people wouldn’t like to admit to but quite valid for those going to work and on a hot day. Either that or it’s just damn nice to feel the wind in your hair. Of course, it’s always a good idea to wear a helmet but all I’m saying is that I want choice, freedom from a nanny state and see more people on bikes. To the police who tooted at me and yelled, “Helmet!” I acknowledge you, but what about the numerous cars which failed to give way to me? It could have ended badly had I not been paying attention and all I get is “Sorry mate, didn’t see ya!” Easy to say that when you’re surrounded by a metal monstrosity. So there’s my two cents. I could go on, but I’ll end with a quote from George Bernard Shaw; “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” – Albert Delorino Want to get your voice heard? Write us a 500 word diatribe on whatever grinds your gears, and it could be featured on this page. Send it to critic@critic.co.nz by 4pm Wednesday.

Critic Issue 19 –

Debatable

Opinion

Debatable is written by the Otago University Debating Society, which meets for social debating every Tuesday at 7pm in the Commerce Building. This week’s motion is “That Feminism is Dead”. Jesse Wall argues the affirmative while Olivia Norling argues the negative.

Affirmative

Negative

Back in the days where the ‘rule of thumb’ literally described the thickness of the cane that the husband could beat his wife with, we needed feminism. When women were stuck with home and hearth, it made sense that the ladies needed an independent voice. But the days of bra-burning in the name of equality are over. Now, women have achieved all the goals that feminism set for them. Today it’s time to twist the words of the popular chauvinistic slogan into something more like ‘feminism, know your limits.’ The only vestiges of sexism are the odd ‘women have small feet so can get closer to the sink to wash the dishes’ joke, or an occasional bizarre Alasdair Thompson ‘menstruation affects productivity’ snafu; he was, by the way, ridiculed and fired for holding such beliefs. In fact, today it’s masculism that needs a revival. Women can do whatever they want – everything from being a loving parent to a corporate fat cat, to a dreamer who pursues artistic follies. Men, on the other hand, are laughed at for being stay-at-home dads, or breastfeeding their children with artificial apparatuses, or being nurses, or dreaming of being secretaries. Finally, feminism is breathing its last breaths, poisoning modern women with its deathly stench. Now, because women have become so diverse (thanks to feminism back in the day, sure), the ideals that feminism stands for are but mere myths. Now feminism continues to label women as the under-represented mother who dreams of being a working woman, when in reality they simply don’t fit this unfortunate mould. Feminism should be buried now, our respects should be paid, but to keep it artificially alive just doesn’t cut the mustard. – Jesse Wall

If one believes that a wage gap based on whether or not one has breasts is unfair, feminism cannot be dead. If one believes that rape is never invited or that bodily autonomy is the highest right for both males and females, feminism cannot be dead. As long as equality is not universal throughout society, feminism must remain alive and well in people’s hearts, whether they know it or not. When people claim that they are not feminists (a distressingly common assertion today, especially by females) or that feminism is dead, they are suffering from definitional problems with the word. Feminism covers an exceptionally broad range of views, and rejection of it wholesale is often merely an attempt to distance oneself from the extremes that any progressive movement will accrue, that is braburners, men haters, and social anarchists. As with any ideology, we must be very careful not to let the mediahyped focus on terrorist groups or militant man-haters define our attitude towards the whole. With this in mind, what do I define feminism as? Feminism, at its simplest, shares a common belief that women deserve equal political, economic, social rights and opportunities. As a premise, I believe this is one every New Zealander, every Western male and female, should strive to achieve. The other reason the affirmative might call feminism dead is because one believes the above ideals have already been achieved. Yes, women can vote and work and travel and be educated. But to call feminism dead and redundant because of these more obvious achievements risks complacency in our society and the stagnation of the progress that still needs to be made. Despite successes so far, there remains a wage discrepancy of up to 13% between males and the female worker counterparts in NZ. We still have people like Alastair Thompson demonstrating that vestigial chauvinism remains in many of the countries top positions. Less than 20% of judges are women. Total equality of the sexes has not been achieved. When that final glass ceiling has been broken, maybe then can New Zealanders relax but this day has not yet arrived. Feminism is now taken for granted – we have internalised the idea of equality of the sexes but this does not mean it is dead. Today we face new challenges for both women and men and in dealing with them we can proudly assert that feminism, in whatever form, is not dead. – Olivia Norling

Critic Issue 19 –

Opinion

Two Left Feet

Politics

Rupert Murdoch is a popular nemesis of lefties in the English-speaking world. The media mogul has built his career on amassing political influence through his various News Corp publications, influence which he has used to push free market, anti-union positions. However, the recent phone-hacking scandal involving employees at his News of the World publication has been heralded by some as the beginning of the end for Murdoch. The position of many on the left has been one of glee at the fall of their bogeyman, but this attitude is both premature and essentially misguided. For a start, the phone-hacking scandal is yet to really affect News Corp’s influence outside Britain. There are suggestions of similar hacking and corruption having taken place in the US, but so far no evidence of this has been uncovered. Nonetheless, Murdoch’s media outlets in the US, such as the far-right Fox News, serve as less of a conduit for his political aims than his British outlets. For instance, Murdoch is an Obama supporter, which would put him at odds with pretty much everyone at Fox. Fox is just a money-making machine. Its politics (and its success) are a result of the widely perceived liberal bias in mainstream US media, which allows conservative outlets to capture a larger market share. Hence, the market conditions which allow such organisations to thrive will outlast any transient taint of scandal. Fox, or something resembling Fox, will undoubtedly survive. The situation in Britain is different. Murdoch’s power in Britain is built on the money-spinning tabloids The Sun and News of the World and the broadsheet The Times, each of which generally reflect the political views of their proprietor. Murdoch’s public influence through his various publications acted as a Sword of Damocles for British politicians, giving Murdoch immense, direct, hidden influence over them. The rightwing agenda that Murdoch pushed will genuinely suffer from the scandal. Unlike Fox, the commercial success of Murdoch’s tabloids came from their populist approach rather than their politics, so the survivor will be populist journalism rather than Murdoch’s message. The scandal has blunted the public appeal of Murdoch’s papers, which in turn has dissolved his personal leverage over politicians. However, any leftie who finds cause for celebration in all this should think twice. With the rise of the internet, the survival of the mainstream media largely depends on maintaining a reputation for the kinds of journalistic standards that can set it apart from the blogosphere. The scandal is therefore immensely damaging to the entire industry. The scandal also shows how far the mainstream media, faced with slumping sales, will go in search of a scoop. The combination of competitive pressures and public demand for news which begat the whole affair in the first place isn’t going away. Something similar could easily happen again. – Sam McChesney

The Eagle of Liberty

The Eagle Searches for the Right-Wing Bigfoot Kia ora, eaglets. Let’s play a game called “spot the socialist media bias”. Ready? “The shootings, and a bomb attack…left at least 76 people dead. [Anders] Breivik, a far-right extremist, admits carrying out the attacks.” – BBC Did you spot it? The BBC, a taxpayer-funded socialist media mouthpiece, is not the only media company to misleadingly label Anders Breivik “far-right” or “right-wing”. Most journalists are socialists (leftwingers), and they’re ashamed of the extremist monsters that socialist ideology has produced, such as Stalin, Pol Pot, and Kim Jong-il. These journalists are desperate to find a right-wing monster to show that mass murder isn’t a uniquely socialist pastime. Problem is, Breivik fits on the right wing about as well as Tony Woodcock. Here’s a quick political jargon tutorial from the Eagle. The terms “left-wing” and “right-wing” relate purely to the economy and who gets the cash. “Left-wing” means socialist, which means lots of government control over the economy. Left-wingers take money from the people who earned it and give it to the government’s chosen favourites. The Labour and Green Parties are left-wing. “Right-wing” means free markets, with little or no government meddling in the economy. Rightwingers let people keep the money they earn. The National and ACT Parties are right-wing. To help you remember which is which, think of your hands – your right hand is stronger and more useful than your left. Right-wingers can be liberals like the Eagle, or anarchists who don’t even want a police force, army, or court system (this system is currently being tested in Somalia). The one thing that unites right-wingers is that they want less government meddling in the economy. So if Anders Breivik is a “far-right extremist”, he must really love free markets, right? Yet Breivik himself argues, “While capitalistic principles should be protected, it should be somewhat regulated so that it benefits other members of the tribe.” While certainly an extremist in his methods, Breivik is clearly smack in the middle of the left-right spectrum. His primary goal is to forcibly preserve European culture, and he wants to “ensure a solid welfare program to all European citizens”. Not the right-wing Bigfoot the media are searching for. And by the way, neither is Hitler. Here’s a quote straight from the evil Führer: “We are Socialists, mortal enemies of the present capitalist economic system!” So it turns out there aren’t really any right-wing monsters using extremist methods to free the market. The closest the Eagle can think of is the guy who hated the IRD so much he drove through their front window. Way to fight the power. You are the wind beneath my right wing, The Eagle

Critic Issue 19 –

Opinion

THE AGENDA GAP Perhaps scared by the bollocking they have received from Critic over the past few weeks, ODT kept their pun use at bay and even seemed to be mostly reporting on real news, not just old married couples and mildly remarkable pets. Of course, by “mostly”, we mean there were some real news stories. After all, ODT did run a cutest baby competition, which was less about how cute the babies were, and more a test of how many text votes their doting (and presumably rather rich) parents could afford to send. The parents, of course, didn’t see it that way, with one saying that she always knew her baby Esme was cute, but “this just confirms it”.

Meanwhile, a “partially disabled” Dunedin woman was stuck in her home after the crappy DCC neglected to grit her street. The thrust of the story was DCC sux coz they didn’t grit every street in town despite the fact the ice had melted. ODT tried pretty hard to turn the non-story into something front-page worthy, but to no avail. It was still on the front-page though. As always, comedy moments reigned supreme. Critic was particularly taken by the delightful holiday pic of Mathematicians Pip and John, who were photographed inside a cool matrix.

“Oh hai there! We’re so smart we became part of the inner workings of a computer!”. Critic also thoroughly enjoyed the “breaking news” (sorry, we couldn’t help ourselves) about the broken window of an abandoned church in Alexandra. Was it a special window, were there crazy circumstances? Nope. Someone threw a rock and a window of a building broke. Heavy stuff people.

Will John Key become the Axl Rose of New Zealand politics? As any NME-championed angular guitar band should be able to tell you, believing your own hype is a dangerous thing. By the time you smell the bullshit, your time is up and the leeches who once fawned over and fed off you are already half way through their next course. We all know what comes after The Proverbial Pride, and before you know it you’re back pumping gas in Cambridge. In the headier days of your career trajectory, though, all and sundry insulate you from reality and tell you that the only direction is up ( just like housing prices, or economic growth). You are wined and dined by record company executives; you are the star of the show, and the rest of the band is dispensable. You fire them – or they quit – and all you’re left with is Guns N Roses circa Chinese Democracy; or Peter Hook performing Joy Division: A sad punch line to a once glittering career. The “mainstream media” tell us, in point sizes that match the figures quoted, that “The Key Regime” has an unassailable lead going into this year’s election. ‘Nat’s Could Govern Alone’ the newspapers scream. The only way I can see their poll results ringing true is if the only people who turn up at the polls in November are the ones who have already decided on their voting choice, and have the luxuries of landline telephones and being at home to answer the phone at dinner time. This excludes many of the overworked, the unemployed and the student population – none of whom the Nat’s could lay genuine claim to being part of their core support base. Like the ego-stroking sycophants of the music industry, Fairfax/ Colmar-Brunton et al have Key convinced he doesn’t need his band of merry men anymore. He no longer needs to give electoral oxygen to his coalition partners because he doesn’t believe he will need them in December. Issues around strangling our parliamentary democracy, and spitting in the eye of the MMP system aside, what other reason could there be for so adamantly refusing minor parties the primetime coverage a televised leaders’ debates would provide? Is Key too scared of Hone & The Greens to risk helping out Don & Dunne? Who could forget the game-changing absurdity of Peter Dunne’s Worm in 2002? The least difficult of Key’s buddies in the House could do it again with his special brand of centrist inanity, and insure Dunne against the rise of Charles Chauvel in Ohariu-Belmont. Dunne certainly goes over with National’s traditional heartland voters better than any Maori MP ever will; and if he still believes Don Brash & Pita Sharples will sit around his cabinet table together his delusions may be worse than first thought. – Aaron Hawkins

Critic Issue 19 –

Opinion

Down the Foreign Food Aisle Orion – Choco pie $3.68 for a box of six (28g each) If you’re a sweet tooth like myself, this triple layered chocolate-dipped treat will leave you very happy indeed. Made in Vietnam, the cutely named choco pie is similar to a mallowpuff. Except it’s better. These individually wrapped delights bear the advice to “eat soon after opening”. How adorable. Much self-control must be exercised to stop at just one. On opening the packet, each dark chocolate-dipped round is fairly unassuming. But bite into it, and the perfectly thin outer layer of chocolate cracks before sponge gives way to light marshmallow. Instead of a dry, biscuit crumb like the mallowpuff, you are instead greeted with a soft, cake-like middle. This holds a faint vanilla flavour and carries the perfect amount of sweetness. Choco pies are elevated in status above

Just a Thought... Surviving Flat Hunting Season ‘Tis the season for bad weather, hot chocolate and, most annoyingly, flat hunting. This is the time where the early bird ruins the worm for those who are more relaxed. It is the time where landlords sit inside their creepy, darkened lairs, cackling to themselves at the naivety of the students, and their ability to con them into freaking out over flat shortages. But fear not, the guidance you seek is a read away.

the mere biscuit, without carrying the commitment of eating a slice of cake. They require no refrigeration and can be eaten as is. Also worth trying is the frozen choco pie, just to mix up those textures a little. Simply freeze for a few hours (or overnight) then take pleasure as the slightly firmer sponge takes a few seconds more to yield to the frozen marshmallow. Phase two of choco pie consumption requires a mug (or teacup, for you proper English types) of freshly brewed black leaf tea of your choice. I’m an Earl Grey kinda girl. Milk, no sugar, thanks. Proceed to dip your unwrapped, frozen round into the tea for a precise 3.5 seconds. What results is not a sad, soggy biscuit but a multi-dimensional chocolate-vanilla-mallow-sponge experience like no chocolate-vanilla-mallow-sponge experience you’ve ever had before. Alternatively, get really scarfie and brew up some spiced milk as an accompaniment. 7/10

Spiced milk For each serving, melt 1 tablespoon of honey with 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg in a small pot over medium heat. When melted, slowly whisk in 1 cup of whole milk per person, and add a few chai teabags to the pot (available in the tea and coffee aisle). Heat until piping hot, pour into mugs and top with whipped cream and cinnamon. Serve with choco pies. Too cute. Also delicious would be a splash or two of Baileys in the pot to warm oneself up on a cold Saturday night before getting frisky at Monkey Bar. – Ines Shennan

Let’s survive flat hunting season and remain in good spirits. For those of you who have done BSNS 104, which will probably be two thirds of you, there may be minute pearls of wisdom which will sprout forth at this word: cartel. That’s what we have here, a cartel of landlords putting the screws into students by creating myths surrounding the availability or lack thereof of flats. So please don’t panic. Panic leads to more panic which leads to signing leases ridiculously early, allowing landlords to hype up prices. Don’t do it, don’t think about doing it, don’t think about thinking about doing it, just don’t do it. Before beginning the hunt, take time to learn the lingo, the language of flat lists. Landlords want to lure you in. They want to encourage you to pay exorbitant prices for cold, damp caves. Don’t be fooled, be ready. For instance, the word ‘new’ when placed in front of any appliance means ‘used to belong to my missus’, and the phrase ‘warm flat’ is nothing but a lie, unless accompanied by the words ‘heat pump’. Further words that might Critic Issue 19 –

be lost in translation are ‘modern’ (translation: not yet munted), and ‘great location’. Everywhere in student central is a great location, don’t pay for something everything’s got. To those eager little beavers running about at 6pm trying to go flat hunting; get stuffed. You might have lovely warm halls, with readymade meals on the dot of 5.30pm to warm your rapidly growing stomachs, but the more experienced types are cooking around this time. So unless you desire to be some flat’s main meal, don’t come during teatime. Six guys will look upon your fattening bodies with eager anticipation. After all, it may make a nice change from budget mince. And if you are the more relaxed type who has not yet subscribed to this panic, then how to survive those annoying twats knocking on your door? You could take a leaf out of my flatmates’ book and just proclaim ‘flat taken’ to all and sundry. Stick it to the man, disrupt the establishment. Who knows, it might even help to drive those rents down. It’s just a thought. – Lyle Skipsey

Opinion

SEX AND

SQUIRTING

As a BA student and therefore generally useless member of society, I have a lot of time on my hands. This week, much of that time has been filled with watching the cinematic stylings of Cytherea. Cytherea is 29 years old, 5’3” and a svelte 50kg. Her career kicked off with 2003’s I’ve Never Done That Before, co-starring Tyce Bune, and recently she performed her first anal scene in the whimsically named Cytherea’s Anal Whores.

Cytherea’s real claim to fame, though, is her generally accepted status as the Goddess of Gush/Squirtwoman. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I suggest you pop onto RedTube and have a gander. Honestly, the woman’s vag seems to moonlight as a high-pressure garden hose. While thankful that I don’t have to put down a tarp every time I combine my Rabbit and Mad Men in a delicious melange of the retro and the modern, I have become consumed with childish jealousy of the “Why can’t MY vagina do that???” variety. I even spent a solid hour sitting in the Link, hiding behind my laptop while imagining the infinite squirting potential concealed within the endless procession of denim-clad pussy strutting by. Bitches. So I asked all my female friends. None of them can squirt. I asked all my male friends. 95% of them claimed to have made a girl squirt. Huh. I am no BAppSc (Sports and Exercise Nutrition) student, but something just doesn’t add up. The squirting stories seemed to get more lurid with every guy I asked.

Pissed Off White Woman When I was a kid, Disney movies were the shit. Their merging of impeccable cartoon animation and music you would know for the rest of your life was hypnotic. But, in my many years of being alive, I have learnt that our beloved Disney classics have set us up for the ultimate fall. They taught us that you should always be yourself, that everything works out in the end, and, most importantly, that people live happily ever after. Thanks Walt Disney, you really screwed us over with your complete and utter bullshit. What’s got me so pissed this week? It’s that little four-letter word that makes the world go round. Apparently. No I’m not talking about cash, I’m talking about L-O-V-E. Have you ever been in love? Isn’t it fucking horrible? It tears you open, makes you downright vulnerable and ultimately leaves you

There were MILFS, there were orgies, there was even one off-topic but rather fabulous story involving my most Adonis-like but sadly now trans-Tasman acquaintance who said he was doing one girl in the ass while another girl was eating her out and the poor cunning linguist ultimately received the unexpected but perhaps more nutritionally balanced meal of a shit sandwich. I have had plenty of orgasms, ranging from the unremarkable to the bed-shaking and teeth-clenching and toe-curling. Not once has mysterious miscellaneous vag juice shot out of me at Shinkansen-like speeds. Who are these women who can gush for four non stop minutes at the merest touch of a dildo while perched poolside with their legs spread? I want to believe in squirting. But until I meet someone who can actually do it, I must posit that it’s like the career prospects of an English major. Everyone’s always on the search and trying to prove they’re real, but secretly we all know it’s just a giant load of bullshit. – Mrs John Wilmot

sobbing on the floor while you listen to Adele. Love is like a socially acceptable insanity. What kind of well-adjusted, rational human being would consciously do things like blow hundreds of dollars for the happiness of another person? Or tell them horrifyingly embarrassing things about themselves, like when you were nine you prayed every night for a year that when you died you would go to Pokemon heaven? Sounds pretty batshit crazy to me. I can imagine many people who think they’re happily in love scoffing at my apparent cynicism. “BuT ma boI luvz me foRevz and evaZ, he totes tinKz im bo0tyfull”, is what I imagine them saying. I hate to break it to you, but just because it says you’re “married” on Facebook, doesn’t mean you’re not gunna get your ass dumped as soon as you become unimportant. If you are currently single, I implore you from the depths of my soul; do everything in your power to keep it that way. Yes, being in a loving relationship is better, with the happiness and the regular sex and that warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest that isn’t a heart attack, but at least you can be assured there’s no one to leave you to deal with your fluctuating weight brought on by excessive junk food consumption and regular sessions of crying while you watch Glee. So be forewarned my delicious readers, stop thinking with a certain organ (your heart you dirty bitches!) and start thinking with that fabulous brain of yours, which I have no doubt you have. Casual sex (while using protection of course) is the way to go! Better yet, get a friend with sexy benefits. Only fools fall in love, but is there any other type of lover? Thanks love, for really pissing me off. – Chloe Adams

Critic Issue 19 –

Review 40 Music; Steve Kilbey & Ricky Maymi | 41 Books; Smokin’ Seventeen 42 Film; Oranges and Sunshine, Precious Life, Captain America, Film Festival 44 Art; Lure Gallery | 45 Performance; Norm and Ahmed 46 Games; From Dust, F.E.A.R. 3 | 47 Food; Norwegian Buns, Café Review Critic Issue 19 –

Review Music

music@critic.co.nz

Editor Sam Valentine

Steve Kilbey (The Church) & Ricky Maymi (Brian Jonestown Massacre) with Kurt Shanks, Robert Scott and the Doyleys Re:Fuel, July 30 2011 For a non song-writing instrumentalist, finding engaging and challenging songwriters with whom to forge and share a musical career is nothing short of a nightmare. For Ricky Maymi, founding member of the notorious Brian Jonestown Massacre, this crisis manifested itself live on the Re:Fuel stage last Saturday night. After a stint in Liverpool’s well-respected Wild Swans, Maymi has now joined forces with Australian Steve Kilbey, front man of the Church (known for one hit wonder ‘Under the Milky Way Tonight’) to record The Wilderness Years, an album featuring songs from unknown musician David Neil. Although both the Church and the Massacre share a fetish for the psychedelic, their long instrumental jams both marked by a haze of colour and reverb, Maymi’s has a different role in each group. As one arm of the seven-headed Jonestown guitar monster, Maymi is free to roam, his brilliant, ethereal guitar lines creating texture and melody around the well-structured songs fleshed out by his fellow band mates. But as ‘Steve Kilbey and Ricky Maymi’ began playing to a meagerly attended Re:Fuel, Maymi struggled to find his niche in a new musical environment, the single rhythm guitar of Kilbey leaving him searching for inspiration in songs simply not equipped to deliver. Frustrated and seemingly significantly under the influence, Maymi appeared disappointed both at his own playing and that of his fellow bandmates, in

particular drummer Shaun Hoffman whom he audibly reprimanded multiple times during the show. In a similar mood, Kilbey also seemed frustrated with the small audience’s lack of familiarity and enthusiasm for his new material, with a vocal and intoxicated minority instead calling for Church classics throughout the night. That said, material from The Wilderness Years - in particular ‘Hollywood Ending’ - stood easily above most of the solo Kilbey material, its pop-psych campfire chords (perhaps tellingly) strongly reminiscent of the Brian Jonestown Massacre. As the night closed with the groups take on the classic ‘Gloria’, the ambient mood of the night was impossible to ignore as Maymi furiously tried to produce feedback from his guitar, ignoring all else, as Kilbey watched angry and confused, clutching his guitar mid-stage. A night filled with potential, but sadly neither the music nor the environment delivered.

Critic Issue 19 –

books@critic.co.nz

Editor Sarah Maessen

Smokin’ Seventeen

Smokin’ Seventeen is the latest instalment in the long-running Stephanie Plum series, a series that is a classic example of when an author didn’t know to stop. Evanovich jumped the shark long ago, as each book is more ludicrous and less plausible than the last. This ‘quirkiness’ was what made the series original to start with, but when you have to throw in a dancing bear and a toothless vampire for entertainment value, it’s probably time to gracefully resign. Not to say that the book isn’t enjoyable – it’s entertaining and incredibly readable. Stephanie Plum is a bounty hunter, and not a particularly good one. Along with her zany sidekick Lula, she manages to catch a couple of bad guys this time round with a minimum of screw-ups and only two of her famed car-mishaps. Without the background of the previous 16 novels, the characters have little depth, and seem to spend an inordinate amount of time eating. After the bail bonds office blows up and its employees move their headquarters into Mooner’s bus, the empty lot becomes a prime position for a killer to leave his bodies. Scary, but run of the mill for our characters until one of the corpses turns up with a note addressed to Stephanie. Meanwhile, Stephanie is the target of crazy Grandma Bella’s curse, leaving her insatiably polyamorous. As well as the

Critic Issue 19 –

Books Review

usual two sexy men in her life she is juggling a new love interest, whom her mother is determined will be the one to make her settle down. The end would be anticlimactic if it weren’t for the general lack of suspense. As it was, it just felt rushed and poorly paced. For the few readers who hadn’t guessed who the killer is, the pieces begin to fall into place only a page or two before it’s all over. It’s hard to say, as I’ve read all of the series up to this point, but I don’t think it would matter if you picked up this book on its own. Having said that, if you want to actually enjoy the novel, I would suggest starting at the beginning of the series, where you can read the stories without feeling like you’re losing IQ points. This book is likeable, but beyond that there’s not terribly much going for it. It’s a step up from your Mills and Boon style saucy lady literature, although this instalment does feature a lot more gratuitous sex than usual. For those of you who have followed Stephanie’s adventures up to this point, don’t be tricked by the back cover. She may finally choose between Joe and Ranger (again), but that doesn’t mean that you, the reader, are made privy to the decision. Clever marketing ploy though.

Review Film

film@critic.co.nz

Editor Sarah Baillie

Oranges and Sunshine Director: Jim Loach

Oranges and Sunshine is the debut feature film from Jim Loach, son of iconic director Ken Loach (The Wind That Shakes the Barley). It deals with the story of the ‘home children’, who as orphans were relocated without choice from Britain to other parts of the world, a fact not widely known by the British public and in particular their birth parents. The film focuses on the work of Margaret Humphries (Emily Watson: Breaking the Waves, Wah-Wah), a British social worker who by chance comes across one of those deported as a child, who is now much older and searching for her birth family. Humphries takes an interest in the case, and discovers not only that many more children were deported, but also that some of them suffered brutal treatment in their new homes abroad. The film takes a more sinister turn when Humphries herself becomes threatened by those wishing to silence her discoveries, risking her own safety and health in order to bring closure to people she has never met. Watson once again proves why she is possibly the most underrated actress working today. She is by turn steely, warm, driven and vulnerable, sometimes all within one scene. The restraint and reticence shown by Watson, sometimes going an entire sequence without facial expression and barely speaking, is key to Humphries’ role as the social worker: listening, supporting, but desperately trying to remain personally detached. The support cast is excellent too – many are relative unknowns and only feature for a few minutes, but are still utterly convincing as victims of horrific abuse and neglect. Hugo Weaving in particular puts in a terrifically subtle turn as the disturbed but gentle Jack. The film does take a while to find its feet, and the initial events leading up to Humphries’ eventual mission seem a tad staged. After some time, however, the plot is allowed to unfold at its own pace, and rightly so as this is an historical piece. In telling a true story of the recent past that is not widely known, this is an important film. It is also a moving portrait of a woman’s selfless dedication to bring closure and comfort to others. – Cameron Roling

Precious Life Director: Shlomi Eldar

Talking about Palestine, renowned Israeli journalist and director of this film, Shlomi Eldar says it is “an hour’s drive away, but a world away.” Precious Life tells the story of Raida, a mother of four, the youngest of whom (Muhammed) suffers a genetic auto-immune deficiency which is incurable in Gaza. Raida has already lost two daughters to the same disease. Now in Israel, Eldar and Dr Shomech raise US$55,000 for a bone-marrow transplant that may not succeed. We will later learn that the majority of funds came from an Israeli donor who lost his own son fighting for the Israeli Army. Raida and her family are touched and surprised by the generosity they encounter in Israel. Precious Life shows both the cultural differences and similarities in this war-torn area of the Middle East. Raida and Eldar argue about history, politics, religion, life, even feminism. At the same time we witness the ghastly screeching of the sirens warning of bombing in Gaza and the deathly silence in the streets after they’ve fallen. Muhammed’s world is shattered even before he can realise it. Eldar also asks Raida about Shihadis (suicide bombers) and is shocked by the answer, almost making him want to cease contact with the family. This film is one of absolute compassion, examining life and death in a complex conflict. It sheds light on the current situation, how it is understood by normal Palestinians and Israelis, and the grief and pain Palestinians feel each day. Add to that the pain of being a woman who cannot be assured of her son’s future. “They died a thousand times before me” Raida says about her two lost daughters. This, however, is the reality of Gaza. Lack of healthcare and education and freedom has forced many Palestinians to seek alternative, quicker and more spiritual ways of resolving the conflict. Ultimately Precious Life is hopeful. Dr Shomech reminds us that sometimes dreams come true, and that Israeli and Palestinian civilians alike desire peace. “If Muhammed doesn’t play with my son,” Dr Shomech says, “my son will play with him. If not, our grandchildren will.” A fantastic film, go and see it. – Dan F. Benson-Guiu

Critic Issue 19 –

film@critic.co.nz

Editor Sarah Baillie

Captain America: The First Avengers Director: Joe Johnston

As its title hints at, this movie is the final appetizer for much-anticipated blockbuster The Avengers coming to a screen near you in 2012. Captain America is an unashamedly old-fashioned film. The year is 1942, the look is sepia and the effects are mind-boggling. Steve Rogers is a scrawny yet big-hearted Brooklyn kid, continually trying to join the army and fight the Third Reich. But his weight (90 lbs – an impressive feat of CGI) and list of past illnesses (asthma, and too many others to recount) have kept him out of the line of fire. Witnessing Steve’s pluck and determination, a sympathetic scientist gives him a chance by enlisting him in a secret programme to produce

Film Review

the perfect American soldier through a treatment of injections and “vita-rays.” The experiment proves successful but, inevitably, irreproducible, and in no time Steve finds himself chasing Nazi vandals down the streets of Brooklyn. Such heroics obviously meriting promotion, Steve is recruited to travel the nation promoting war bonds, in his familiar (if ridiculous) red-white-and-blues, as the “Star Spangled Man with a Plan.” What lingers most about Captain America is its innocent, throwback total embrace of the ‘Little Guy’. Even after obtaining superhuman powers, Steve’s compassion and aspiration to be “not a perfect soldier, but a good man” shine through. Sure it has every flavour of cheese mashed in, and although the plot is as predictable as a spectator’s mullet at Nascar, only a cynical ‘villain’ could deny the pure awesomeness of ‘goodies’ dealing to ‘baddies’ during WWII. Absurd as it may be today, and as gut-wrenchingly cheesy as this allAmerican patriotic war film is, it’s still an appealing idea of a man who is, after all, the fictional embodiment of “Team USA’s” national ideal. – Nick Hornstein

to ble pass win a dou ur o y f Want to o vie stival mo fe er lm fi rn e e W th why st tell us u J ? r e u ic o y o ch Send so cool. is g z o .n rz o e H critic.c to film@ in r e w s an

Cave of Forgotten Dreams

Fire in Babylon

Werner Herzog hits the big screen in 3D (yeah, 3D!) with this fascinating documentary about the long lost Chauvet Cave in the South of France. For over 20,000 years, the cave was completely sealed off by a fallen rock face, its crystal-encrusted interior as large as a football field and strewn with the petrified remains of giant ice age mammals (cool!). In 1994, scientists discovered the caverns, and found hundreds of pristine paintings within, spectacular artwork dating back over 30,000 years to a time when Neanderthals still roamed the earth. Since then, only a few people have been allowed access into Chauvet Cave, and the true scope of its contents had largely gone unseen — until Werner Herzog managed to gain access. The eccentric Herzog captures the wonder and beauty of one of the most awe-inspiring sites on earth, all the while musing in his inimitable fashion about its original inhabitants, the birth of art, and the curious people surrounding the caves today. Cave of Forgotten Dreams is screening at Hoyts on Thursday 11th August at 10.30 am, Sunday 14th August at 6pm and Monday 15th August at 6pm.

In 1976, at a time when apartheid was shocking the world, South African-born English cricket captain Tony Greig stated that his team would make the (entirely black) West Indies side “grovel.” The English team was crushed 3-0 in the series, and several of the West Indies players wrote themselves into sporting history. In depicting the rise of the West Indian cricket team, this film embraces the intimate connection between sports, politics and cultural identity. The fearsome style of play they adopted is depicted as an outpouring of anger at the oppression and racism suffered by African people worldwide. It also shows a time and place where cricket was genuinely cool - Bob Marley would happily stroll into the dressing room to chat to the players. This is an inspiring, hugely enjoyable story told briskly and infused with some sweet reggae sounds the whole way through. Fire in Babylon is screening at Regent on Monday August 8th at 8.30pm and at 6pm Sunday August 21st. – Alec Dawson

Critic Issue 19 –

Review Art

art@critic.co.nz

Editor Hana Aoake

Lure Gallery

130 Stuart Street

Located just down from the Octagon, Lure Gallery features the work of approximately twenty-five jewellers from around New Zealand. The space itself is a tranquil escape from the busy streets below, creating a strong sense of intimacy and warmth as golden light filters through its windows. Lure is a studio space for six local jewellers and operates as a gallery to both exhibit and sell work. Immediately I was drawn to the jewellery of Lynn Kelly, which highlights both a connection to and a concern for the environment. Kelly’s work is inspired by New Zealand plants and historical botanical drawings, and uses materials which feature both New Zealand landscapes and native flora and fauna. Pōhutukawa Brooch uses both manmade and natural materials to recreate the pōhutukawa’s crimson bloom to great effect. It consists of a metal branch-like base, from which soft brilliantly-coloured bristles emerge. Pendant Hydrangea features maps of various South Island glacial areas which have been printed onto soft metal and then carved and moulded into the shape of a hydrangea. The metal Kelly has used is deceptively light and yet durable. Pendent Hydrangea is cold to touch and appears almost like an ominously jagged glacier. Another piece features dried rosehip berries which Kelly has threaded on a beautifully coloured and soft golden thread. There is a strong juxtaposition of texture and vividly rendered colours. Ang Jewiss’s 1950s deco-inspired rings look as though they were made to be a physical part of the body, such as the marrow inside finger bones. The rings are composed of bulbous candy-coloured resin tops with metal bases, with a piece of metal running through the seethrough resin, as though it were to be connected to the wearer’s bone. Ann Culy’s work, and in particular the rings, provide an interesting dialogue between texture and opposing materiality. Coarse, imperfect and delicate; each has a different shape and bears distinctive markings,

A GALLERY 393 PRINCES STREET Kluster Fuck: Nathan Forbes. Ant Scarer. Sam Ovens BLUE OYSTER GALLERY 24B MORAY PLACE The graduate exhibition: Oliver van de Lugt, Claire Mahoney & Tom Garden BRETT MCDOWELL GALLERY 5 DOWLING STREET 271 people (Mostly alive). Vintage prints 1967-75: Max Oettli DOWLING ST STUDIOS 20A DOWLING STREET Painting, Photography & Sculpture: Craig Freeborn, Dominique Papoutsou, Flynn Morris-Clarke, Mischa Rhys Hill & Sally Hill DUNEDIN PUBLIC ART GALLERY OCTAGON Seat assignment: Nina Katchadourian, Fractus: Jeena Shin, Radiant Matter Part II: Dane Mitchell, Nollywood: Pieter Hugo, Spirit of Ewe: Sarah Lucas HOCKEN GALLERY CNR ANZAC AVE & PARRY STREET Zero to Infinity: Ralph Hotere

making the wearer aware that the rings are handmade rather than mass-produced. Victoria McIntosh explores the history associated with pieces of jewellery by reworking overlooked objects she has discovered into beautiful, challenging and yet wearable objects. Patty Tin Brooch creates a sense of protection, due to both the domestic, maternal shape of the object and the use of found textile.

MILFORD GALLERY 18 DOWLING STREET Parallel MODAKS GEORGE STREET Photographs from India: Aysha Jaleel, Crochet: Crafty Minx MONUMENTAL 7 ANZAC AVE Ross Gray NONE GALLERY 24 STAFFORD STREET Wilful Damage: Levi Hawken RICE AND BEANS 127 STUART STREET Powderfinger: Curated by Michael Morley 15+ artists SCHOOL OF ART GALLERY RIEGO STREET We are here: Juliet Novena Sorrel TEMPLE GALLERY MORAY PLACE Picture Gallery-Recent Photographs 2007-2011: Max Oettli

Critic Issue 19 –

performance@critic.co.nz

Editor Jen Aitken

Norm and Ahmed Written by Alex Buzo Directed by Kathryn Hurst Starring Jimmy Currin and Thabo Tshuma Racism, the Polish-American Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel suggests, “is man’s gravest threat to man – the maximum of hatred for a minimum of reason.” Norm and Ahmed proves that, in Buzo’s own words, one must “never underestimate the power of difference.” Ahmed is educated and insightful (he is studying Arts at University) and speaks the “Queen’s English” better than does Norm. Norm is living the “Australian dream” – or is he? - and is blind to the failures of the Australian Government, although he does have a thing or two to say about the way the Egyptians run their country. Norm and Ahmed was beautifully dark, in content, spirit and appearance. Currin, as Norm, was suitably rugged and suspect. Tshuma, as Ahmed, was duly prim and suspect. Norm and Ahmed moved in and out of the shadows, both literal and metaphorical, as their conversation moved from football to the ANZACS to dignitaries being shat on by a flock of doves. As the moonlight and streetlights danced over the barren and harsh set, the actors’ expressions appeared and disappeared, lit at intervals by a burst of flame from a lighter or match. The scent of the matches drifted over the audience and the puffs of smoke dispersed into the heavens as late one night Norm met Ahmed and Ahmed meet a foe. Which one was going to commit an act of hatred and passion? Was anyone going to commit one at all? Why were we brought here to watch this meeting, late at night, between two men from very different sides of the track? Hurst’s direction honoured the space, honoured her actors and honoured all of those who have fallen victim to the small-minded “ratbags” of this world. Written in 1968, Norm and Ahmed remains poignantly and astoundingly relevant in this contemporary post 9/11 world, where people seem to increasingly fear those of different skin colours. This is a play about morality, history, culture and identity, and Hurst captured the comedy and malice of this meeting between two strangers, one white and one black, late one night on a nameless city street.

Critic Issue 19 –

Performance Review

Games Review

gaming@critic.co.nz

Editor Toby Hills

From Dust

Superficially, From Dust would appear to be a “God” game. After all, you can literally carve great swaths of the earth as you see fit. Not limited to parting oceans, you might construct a vast wall out of cooling lava. Or even turn a tsunami into jelly. I’d have to say, though, you are far closer to some sort of demi-spirit than a fully fledged

F.E.A.R. 3

What have we learned, class? Yes. That’s right. It can be tough to frighten a supernatural super-soldier wielding a trans-dimensional plasma cannon. Everything about F.E.A.R. 3 (and, to a some-what lesser extent, its predecessors), from its buddy-buddy co-operative mode to the visceral empowering combat, could not have further undermined the horror implied by the plot and atmospheric environ-

Platforms: Xbox 360, PS3, PC

Abrahamic smite-machine. For a game that operates on the geological timescale, From Dust ends up being absurdly frantic. It’s all that your slightly anaemic deity can do to suck up tons of dirt in an undulating orb and drop it to form an escape route for your worshippers. Often your efforts to shelter your precious tribe-folk from the impressively frequent tidal waves and volcanic eruptions are in vain. God has shown you the path, masked Pacific Islander, but if you choose to forsake the super convenient land bridge I just painstakingly constructed for you and instead choose to stumble blindly in the darkness because of your AI programming then that’s entirely up to you. You have free will. The dynamic physicality of From Dust is exceptional, though. The way water flows,

splitting and reforming in a loose hair-braid of rivulets and swelling and pitching over in great waves, is particularly exceptional. Land masses will quickly erode too, just as vegetation spreads across irrigated lands and is destroyed by flash forest fires just as quickly. But, as I said, you just aren’t a very potent God. The solution to every natural disaster (that you, presumably, had no hand in) requires you to pick up dirt, like a divinely sanctioned dump truck, or water, like an angelic monsoon bucket, and pile or sploosh it over someplace else. It’s never bad, though it’s often frustrating. Your interaction with the world is extraordinarily minor compared to the world’s breathtaking interactions with itself.

Platforms: Xbox 360, PS3, PC ments if it had been designed that way. The combat in F.E.A.R 3 (Or F.3.A.R. - First Encounter Assault Recon is the original, and the still the best, clumsy-acronym-shooter) is too good. Too satisfying. Between slow motion boots to the face, and sliding acrobatically along the floor for a takedown, you barely surface long enough to pay attention to whatever unsettling alien texture the designers have used to paint the game’s aggressively linear corridors. There’s craftsmanship and detail in the environments too. So that’s a shame. I enjoyed the remarkable decomposing heads. Those were fun. But to what end? The creepy moments are so clearly supposed to be creepy moments: discrete, compartmentalised encounters which are completely non-interactive, save your movement through

Critic Issue 19 –

the creep-corridor. Resident Evil 4 was scary because it constantly held you on the edge of your ammo supply and a single chainsawwielding foe could brutally decapitate you if he got anywhere close. But here you know exactly what can kill you and what can’t. The plot is utterly unfathomable if you haven’t played the first two games. If you have, you can follow it. In theory. But you’d have to try quite hard. Alma, the Japanese horror-inspired dark haired little girl is back. And the story is told in a series of interruptive cutscenes. Both components of F.3.A.R. - the core mechanics themselves and their context – are good. But they cancel each other out, leaving gamesdom with what amounts to yet another pretty good corridor shooter.

food@critic.co.nz

Editor Niki Lomax

Food Review

The Food Department

Norwegian Buns These buns are an excellent winter treat. They take a wee bit of time and effort so they are a good option for procrastinators. I have no idea what makes them Norwegian; maybe it’s that they are baked in a roasting dish so they are rip-apart-able? It’s a bit like in first year when the hall claimed we were eating ‘Nepalese chicken’ or ‘Somalian lamb’ without any evidence that the meals were inspired by an international culinary culture at all. Nevertheless, Nigella calls them Norwegian buns, so I have called them Norwegian buns. This is another recipe from How To Be A Domestic Goddess – it’s seriously a must-own guide to all things delicious.

Dough: 600 g flour (but you’ll need a cup or two more) 100 g sugar Half tsp salt 50 g dried active yeast activated in half a cup of warm water 100g butter 400ml milk 2 eggs

Filling: 150g butter 150g sugar 1 and a half tsp cinnamon (I also chopped an apple into the mix; what is better than apple and cinnamon?)

Put your oven on at 230 degrees. Line a roasting tin (roughly 33cmx24cm) with baking paper. First step is to make the dough. Combine flour, sugar, salt and yeast in a large bowl. Melt

the butter, whisk in milk and eggs and stir into flour mixture. Mix, then knead until smooth and springy. Place in an oiled bowl and leave to rise for about 20 mins. While it’s rising make the filling. Melt the butter and mix everything together. Take one third of the dough and stretch it out to cover the bottom of your tin – this means each bun will have a firm bottom. Roll out the rest of the dough into a rectangle about 50cm x 25cm. Spread the filling mixture evenly over the dough. Roll it up from the longest side to make a giant cinnamon sausage. Cut the roll into 2cm slices and sit the rounds on top of the dough in the tin. Paint a wee bit of milk on them to make them nice and shiny. Leave for 10-15mins to rise then put in the hot oven and cook for 25 mins or until the buns are golden brown. Eat while warm. My flatmate insisted on slathering even more butter on his bun which considering how much butter is in these bad boys seems somewhat unnecessary. Oh well, they’re his thighs, I guess. Critic Issue 19 –

Location: 20 Malcolm St, behind Student Health Prices: Flat White: $4, Long Black: $3.50, Mocha: $5 Why I came here: Many of my friends had been urging me to try out this relatively new Dunedin cafe. Atmosphere: Noisy, dark and a bit cramped. Service: We were served quickly but it was initially rather confusing, with three of the staff trying to serve the queue at the register all at once over the same till. Food: The highlight! I had a chicken roll for lunch which cost me $7.50, and my friend chose a date scone for $3.50. Both were delicious! I intend to return just to try the other items on the menu. Overall: I’d heard an array of affirming appraisals before coming to The Food Department but, to be honest, my visit to the cafe did not live up to the hype. I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly it was that made our visit merely average as opposed to extraordinary. The place was packed around lunchtime, which I would generally consider to be an encouraging quality, however the external conservatory-like vicinity in which we were situated was squished and we could hear the conversations of those next to us without difficulty. Despite the coffee being rather mediocre, the food was the preeminent aspect of our visit. I recommend that if you’re going to come here, come for lunch in summer. I’ve heard that the outdoor area opens up when it’s warmer and people flock to The Food Department for a tasty bite in the sun. – Pippa Schaffler

Necessity when memory proves useless. As the tattooed arm of a burly brute Vacates the narrow door, These friends I leave and I will soon cast Dignity away on a dark dance floor. Oh, the Captain’s a benevolent man. Lick the salty sweat from his unwashed hands. In a grubby stall, a chubby kid sprawls As others scrawl upon his face. A Facebooked photo should ensure His famous father’s fall from grace. Tequila shots are not optional But watching bad rugby is. A bored eye navigates the sea And finds a face blurred enough to kiss. The filthy line he slurred at her Through his tobaccoed, desperate grin Was the kind that could make the rough shipmate Recoil in sheer chagrin. She folded her arms in feigned offence But coyly crossed her legs in glee; She’s just another tortured daughter Of the debauched bourgeoisie. – Oliver Hailes

We want your drunk rants, emo angsts, stylised haikus and boisterous ballads for our all new poetry section. Want your poems published in our hallowed pages? Send ‘em in to poetry@critic.co.nz.

Georgie, Marketing and Psychology Shoes: Christchurch, Fiona McGuinness; Jeans: Country Road; Top: Karen Walker; Jacket: Ruby. Key Item For Feeling Really Womanly: Cute tea party, 50s style girly dress. Inspirational Female?: Adele

Cindy is a savage mistress And the Moose is always ruthless. He scars my arms with stamps –

Faye, BSc Jeans: Cheap Mondays; Shoes: Chucks from Nelson; Shirt: Opshop in Nelson; Bag: Glasgow. What do you wear to make you feel womanly? A nice floaty dress. Most Inspirational Contemporary Female? Mum

The Cook

Critic Issue 19 –

Antics by Stephen Gillan

Penis Envy by Regan McManus

Summoned by George Shaw

Critic Issue 19 –

Competition

Spockian Philosophies by Toki Wilson

Here’s your chance to get on the Critic comics page and win a zine from the Dunedin Comic Collective. To enter, fill out this page of manga, cut it out and put it (with your name and contact details) in one of the “DCC” boxes either at Critic, Radio One, Tootone Records or the University bookshop.

Kia ora whanau Last Wednesday night Parliament debated the VSM bill, and man was it intense. I was getting phone calls, texts and emails left right and centre; was it going to go through? Or could the opposition stall it enough so that it didn’t? All very on the edge of your seat stuff! So here is the short overview of what the go is at the moment: Wednesday at 10pm when the House rises, Parliament were still going through the final clause of the bill, therefore it was not passed. However, this does not mean to say that it won’t pass as the VSM bill can be passed at the next Members’ Day. So where to from here? It is currently a waiting game until the next Members Day before which no final decision will be made, BUT until then we need to get loud and protest against VSM. This is the time that we really need to stand up and fight not only for our own roopu, but also for student associations around the country. Even more so than ever, NOW is the time to stand up and make it known that we oppose this bill! So what does that mean for us as Te Roopu Maori? TRM will not be able to provide the current services we do for our Maori tauira if this bill comes in. We will not be able to provide the same level of support and

funding that we do to our divisional roopu, we will be unable to have the mean as events that we run for Maori students, even the kai times will probably be less frequent. So what are we doing? We have joined forces with OUSA to fight this through any means we can, such as protests and actively seeking out members of the opposition to help us fight this, and we really need you all to tautoko this. Tell your whanau, friends, flatmates, that random guy sitting next to you in lectures; we need everybody on board to make the government think twice about supporting this bill so close to elections. Come on whanau, let’s make sure our voices are heard! Ari

Critic Issue 19 –