The Seven of Castle Street

The Seven Wonders of the Natural World are incredible and inspiring demonstrations of nature’s power, eclipsed only in recent years by better things like the internet and the Crunchwrap Supreme™.

But you don’t have to travel to the Amazon to be awestruck by natural phenomena. Right here in our backyard, we play host to Seven Wonders equally worthy of reverence: some still thriving, some lost forever.

Castle Street remains as Aotearoa’s oldest and most infamous student quarter. However, its vibrant inhabitants, strong cultural traditions, and wretched architectural features have become increasingly endangered over the years. Starting in the collegiate South and ending in the feral North, Critic is here to take you on a walk down memory lane, celebrating the Wonders we’ve lost and showing you how to conserve what’s left today.

1. Selwyn Gnomes

Castle Street isn’t known for its warm association with freshers, but our first stop is Selwyn College: home to no less than 200 of them (Disciplis selwynidae, var. primianas). The College is also home to the native breeding population of Selwyn Gnomes (Gnomus selwynidae), which are gifted to and cohabitate with each human resident. Unfortunately, the native population of Selwyn Gnomes remains in steep decline.

These creatures have long been endangered, being the target of annual poaching campaigns carried out by the local population of domesticated Knox students (Disciplis knoxidae, var. primianas). The rivalry between Selwyn and Knox College is well-known, with much effort going into these poaching campaigns as part of an annual display of territorialism.