ARIES AQUARIUS CAPRICORN

Sun determines your ego and identity.

Aries suns are outgoing, ambitious, impatient, and energetic. Aries are the first sign in the zodiac, meaning they are committed to seeing out what they decide to do.

Moon determines your inner emotions and subconscious.

Aquarius moons are observant, sociable, and intelligent. Aquarius moons love to analyse those around them.

Your rising sign is your outward persona and how you express yourself to the world.

Capricorn risings are humorous, well presented, hard working, and familyoriented. Capricorn risings can often experience self-doubt, and are focused on finances.

Not only is your birth chart quite possibly one of the biggest clusterfucks I have ever seen, there also appears to be a consistent theme that you haven’t picked up on: you. Perhaps you’re the problem. At a first glance, the guy who blocked you is probably a dick anyways. But you say your Tinder is dire? Tinder is a cesspit at the best of times, but if there is one thing we can be certain of, it’s that men in this town will fuck anything that moves. You say women keep friendzoning you, but perhaps your gay energy isn’t strong enough to attract them. Are you even wearing your house keys on a carabiner? Are the cuffs of your jeans even rolled up? Do you even have a nose ring? Regardless, it's time to do some self-reflection and admit that maybe you’re the insufferable one. At the very least, it’s time to spend more time loving yourself than seeking love from others. Nothing attracts the masses like confidence and, as an Aries, you ought to have this in spades. Turn your Aquarian eye inwards, accept your shortcomings, and be comfy with who you are. Once you love you, the rest will follow.

XOXO, Orbtago

Want answers to the burning questions and troubles in your life? Send your query, birth date, time, and location of birth to orb@critic.co.nz