NEW YEAR, OLD ME,

NEW YEAR, OLD ME, WHOLE ME

Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

BY ANTHONY GONZALEZ, LCSW

A new year is an incredible motivation to make changes in our lives. We set resolutions to exercise more consistently, eat healthier, and take more time for self-care - all of which are wonderful goals for growing as a human being. And, for some of us, this will last for about two or three weeks, and then we may fall back into our old routines of over-prioritizing work, sleeping too little, and losing sight of our grounding center.

I hope to address this part of the struggle in next month’s discussion. What I am focusing on this year - and I encourage you to share this journey with me - is challenging ourselves not to solely focus on changing our behaviors, but rather to allow for greater acceptance of our whole emotional self.

Anger, sadness, fear, guilt - so many of the emotions we push away and label as “bad” or “negative.” We set our goals to be happier, and yet we far too often overlook or dismiss our human experience in the absence of joy. Sometimes we label our anger as being impatient or short-tempered and see it as a failure or a lack of wisdom.

I’m working to challenge this perspective. We neglect that what we ‘ve come to see as emotional pain cannot be avoided, no matter how intensely we try. Every emotion we feel serves a purpose. Our feelings all serve as functions for our survival. Emotions can motivate us to action, validate our core values and beliefs, and help communicate our innermost experience to the world around us. How can this be bad?

We will never achieve our potential of authenticity if we dismiss or suppress many of our core emotional experiences. As you enter this New Year, give yourself the opportunity to embrace the full spectrum of emotional experience.

When anger comes into your life, give yourself the space and compassion to understand it. Why is it there? What is the feeling communicating to you? What is the anger trying to help motivate within you? What made you vulnerable to feeling this right now?

This exploration and acceptance of ALL emotional experiences will likely help you gain a much deeper understanding of your needs and insecurities, and may help develop your openness. Sometimes we try too hard to pretend that we’re unaffected by experiences in our lives. “We ain’t got time for that!”

And still, there the emotions are - peeking through and begging to be felt, known, and appreciated. Be it frustrations with the deal that fell through, fear of your child’s health issue worsening, or stress of feeling stretched too thin, when important emotions are either denied or rejected, you’re essentially judging and neglecting the most authentic aspects of your being.

Avoidance of these emotions gives them control, consciously or subconsciously. Compartmentalizing these reactions can appear effective in the short term, but in the long term we’re subtly teaching ourselves that we ‘shouldn’t’ feel, or that we’re incapable of coping. We may even start to believe the myth of being weak or unworthy.

Do you ever welcome your emotions as genuine expressions of yourself? Sadness embraces loss, real or hoped for. Fears show us how to prepare and muster courage. Insecurity validates hurt from the past. Joy translates the genuine connections we have. They are all yours – in many ways the most essential parts of you.

As you begin to embrace this, you’ll find that happiness is not in a tangible thing or an outcome, but rather truly found in the fundamental acceptance that all things you experience have meaning and purpose. Joyful or painful, certain or unknown - happiness is truly found in the “for now” principle that all change is constant and discomfort is temporary, so long as we allow it to be. Once we are free from avoiding the pain, we can be free to achieve our fullest potential.

In this New Year, make it a mindful intention to welcome, with open arms and compassion, every emotion you feel. No matter how uncomfortable this may be at times. And then, let them go.

No need to hold on to these emotions, either. Once validated and respected, they can be relinquished, trusting that they’re not all encompassing of you. I’m working each day toward being a more whole self....please join me on the journey.

Anthony Gonzalez, LCSW

Anthony is the Clinical Director at The Delray Center in Delray Beach, FL, which is one of the most clinically and medically advanced mental health treatment centers in the United States. Anthony is a proud alumnus of the University of Kansas School of Social Welfare. Anthony has advanced therapeutic training in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Prolonged Exposure Therapy.