Good Therapy

GOOD THERAPY FINDING THE RIGHT FIT

BY ANTHONY GONZALEZ, LCSW

Good Therapy – Finding the Right Fit

In my position, I have the good fortune to meet a lot of clinicians, whether it is through networking or through the interviewing and hiring process. And, with this experience, I’ve learned a fundamental truth about our field: You cannot pay someone to truly care.

I point this out as a reference point for beginning your search for a good therapist - one who will truly help you through periods of struggle in your life. If you scour the internet, you will find a great deal of valuable information explaining different types of schools, credentials, training, and about finding someone covered by insurance or within a reasonable proximity. While all of those are important, they inform very little about what it would actually be like to connect with a therapist.

Significant research has been conducted in the last 10-15 years identifying the fact that only two primary characteristics are important for “good” therapy. One is if you truly feel trust or an authentic connection with the therapist. Another is whether you sincerely feel they have your best interest at heart with a focus on your goals.

We often look to therapists who seem to have a deep technical or theoretical understanding of psychology or the ability to conceptualize the problems you’re facing, which is necessary. A great therapist will also be able to have a deep compassion and empathy for you. They will work toward not only understanding the complexities of your experience, but they will also frame feedback and guidance in a way that is easily digestible for you. They don’t simply solve the problems, like you are a puzzle. Rather, they prioritize gaining an appreciation of what a day in your head or your heart is like.

There is a stereotype that therapists are blank slates that listen attentively (or not! Yikes!) and ask questions that help you come to your own conclusions. Sometimes that’s necessary, but I do not think of one important relationship in my life that would be so unilateral. I find that the best therapists I know - and the ones most clients seem to prefer - are ones who are willing to be open with you. They allow for appropriate self-disclosure and transparency with their thoughts and feelings, while maintaining appropriate clinical boundaries. They may use examples from their lives or meaningful stories to help normalize experiences or illustrate how to work through steps of healing. You’re an interesting person with an important story, and a therapist who’s a good fit for you will be incredibly curious about your troubles and hopes, as well as how you got to where you are and the intricacies of the changes you’d want to create in your life. They are good models of vulnerability and do not close themselves off from the genuine emotion that is regularly present in a session.

Finally, a good therapist is willing to read between the lines and fill in gaps. If you knew how to solve all of the problems in your life, you obviously wouldn’t be seeking support. A great therapist is willing to help you uncover the “Whys and Hows” of your life, sometimes taking the risk to call out elephants in the room with enough humility to admit if they are wrong. A therapist who is a good fit for you will help you find the kernel of truth in why you’re hurting and help you find the path to healing, as opposed to solely pushing you to change. You need to know and feel you actually matter to them.

Ultimately, I encourage you to trust your instincts. And, if you ever feel you are not getting what you need, move on. There are likely reasons, as sometimes it’s just not a good fit. When you find a therapist that is good for you and what you need, stick with them. It can be one of the most important choices - and one of the most vital and valuable relationships - in your life.

As you continue your search, you want to ensure that the therapist has experience in the area you’re having a particular struggle or, at the very least, is willing to educate himself or herself. Graduate school teaches us very general practices, so for areas such as trauma, postpartum depression, complex family issues, etc., make sure the therapist you seek has specialized training in these subjects.

Anthony is the Clinical Director at The Delray Center in Delray Beach, FL, which is one of the most clinically and medically advanced mental health treatment centers in the United States. Anthony is a proud alumnus of the University of Kansas School of Social Welfare. Anthony has advanced therapeutic training in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Prolonged Exposure Therapy.