6 Steps to Slay Success

CRYSTAL’S CHAMPIONS

Dr. Alexis M. Davis

‘HIP HOP-OLOGIST’

Dr. Alexis M. Davis is a clinical psychologist from Kansas City, MO. She obtained her Ph.D. from Jackson State University in 2018. With a combination of educational and clinical experience, Dr. Davis has branded herself as a ‘Hip Hop-ologist’, fusing Mental Health with hip-hop culture and traditional African healing practices.

.

6

Steps

TO SLAY SUCCESS

BY ALEXIS M. DAVIS

On J. Cole’s “Middle Child” (2019),

this rapper, scholar, and overall phenomenal human being declared, “This year gone be different, I set my intentions. I promise to slap all that hate out your voice.”

This has been my mantra ever since I’ve heard this song. Each year I’m sure a number of us make resolutions for the New Year, and around this time we typically have already given up on many of them. In light of this occurring, I want to share with you my six steps to Slay Success!

The first thing that stood out to me about the above lyric was that Cole declared, “This year gone be different!” That’s important, because in order to set our intentions, we must have a clear vision of the growth necessary to manifest these intentions. Often times, once we set our intentions, self-doubt begins to creep in and claim the joy we experience. When this happens, we must “slap all that hate out” of our own voices. Self-checking can be necessary. I challenge you to observe your own thoughts, as well as how you’re communicating with and within yourself.

So, considering the above lyrical content, I now present Dr. A’s Six Steps To Slay Success:

1. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF, FOR YOURSELF, BY YOURSELF! Loving yourself is a verb, and it requires action work. Action work is equivalent to engaging in self-care, self-compassion, and self-talk that will support the liberation of your highest good. Self-care is one’s ability to take action to preserve and/or improve one’s own health. So, selfcare is how YOU take care of YOU.

In order to be able to identify how to take care of yourself, it’s important to remember self-compassion - be kind to yourself! The process of progress is not one that occurs overnight, so affirm yourself and speak ‘All is well in the midst of….’ to get out of the ‘I should be doing this, I wish this was happening’ mentality. We can place our affirmations in the future and that does nothing but showcase to our minds how much we haven’t done and all that we have left to do. Practice being in the here and now and use that to engage in self-talk that serves you well.

By going through this process, you can achieve loving yourself FOR YOURSELF, but we must

engage in self-examinations and figure out the answers to ‘Who am I?’ Often-times, our definition of ourselves is determined and based off of others perceptions of us. In order for us to love ourselves for ourselves, we must have a foundation of who we are. The next part of this step is loving yourself for yourself BY YOURSELF. Learn to love fully alone, so that you can ‘share as a pair.’ Ancestor Eartha Kitt said this best when she explained, “Loving yourself should be so much in overflow (not cocky, but a healthy dose of self-love) that we can share that with someone we choose to.”

The issue that presents itself is that oftentimes we are at a self-love deficit and seek other individuals who are at a self-love deficit to engage in a relationship. That’s a relationship starting out of lack, neither person will be able to hold space for each other because they haven’t learned to fully hold space for self. You can’t produce ripe goods from rotten soil.

2. GIVE FROM THE SAUCER, NOT YOUR CUP! The issue that many of us face is that we attempt to give from our depleted cups when it would

be best for us to replenish ourselves and begin to give from the saucer (the overflow from your cup). When we give from our cup, it can lead to fatigue, over-commitment, falling behind on deadlines, etc. Sound familiar? Learning to engage in self-care - reading a book, taking a bath, taking a walk, meditation, exercise, girl’s night, twerk sessions, and the like - can help increase our ability to fill our cup and stay in the overflow to give from the saucer.

3. GET HELP WHEN YOU NEED HELP! If these first two steps appear to be too difficult for you to engage in, the third step may be speaking to you. Get help when you need help! Don’t continue the cycle of ‘what happens in this house, stays in this house.’

There are many resources we can all access to find healers open to helping guide you towards healing. One option is to check out www.therapyforblackgirls.com, which has a BOMB stateby-state directory of Black clinicians who are Slaying the healing game. Another great option is to download The Safe Place app, available for both Android and IPhone, and dedicated to Black mental wellness. There are tons of resources available on this app that will help guide you through understanding your Black mental health. Nothing is wrong with getting help. Healing is for us, too, Black people!

4. TRUST YOUR PROCESS! The fourth step is to trust your process! Sometimes we get so caught up in navigating our process based on other people’s journeys that we don’t know the internal processes it took for the person to get to that point. We may not be willing to sacrifice in the same areas as the very people we’re comparing our own process to. Be reminded that your process will be unique. It doesn’t have to look like the life process of anyone else.

5. HUSTLE HARD! The fifth step is to HUSTLE HARD. In an effort to reach your goals, you must learn to live in alignment with your values, and engage in the action necessary to Slay. When I decided to become a Clinical Psychologist, I knew that it would take hard work (five years of a Doctoral Program, licensure, and a lifetime commitment to growing and learning), and I committed to engaging in the action necessary to Slay this process. We have to be in the mindset of ‘No Grind, No Shine!’ Nothing will come to us if we’re not manifesting it through our words and actions. Begin to speak your wants over your life and act in a way that’s in alignment with these wants - and watch the universe yield to your desires!

6. SANKOFA THAT ISH! The sixth and final step is to Sankofa that ish! San (return) ko (go) fa (look, seek and take) is an African word from the Akan people, which basically translates to, “As we move forward towards our destiny, we must remember the lessons of the past and continue to learn from them!” Furthermore, it’s important to pour back into what gave to you through the proverbial ‘I am because we are and since we are, therefore I am!’ This is a South African phrase called Ubuntu.

It is important that we take care of ‘the I in effort’ to appreciate and pour into the we. Collectivism is our heritage as Black people, and it’s essential to remember this. Please continually ask yourselves, “How are we pouring into our cups in effort to give from our saucers?”

I hope that these steps and this article have helped. If you have any questions, comments, and/or concerns, please feel free to contact me by visiting www.bblvkjewel.com. Check the site out, listen to the podcasts, write a blog as a part of our collective, and shop through our dope current collection. And, Thank You for making time to read this, as I believe in doing so, it serves as one more positive exercise in your own self-care!

13

Crystal’s Champions is dedicated to strongand inspirational women and organizationsthat are making a difference in the community.To nominate a Champion, email us at women@thespot.mag.