Permission to Rest

PERMISSION REST

BY | ELLEN HUNTER GANS ’05

“New research shows COVID-19’s impact on gender” - FORTUNE

“Working moms are hit harder by the pandemic” - FORTUNE

“COVID-19’s detrimental effect on gender equality” - CATALYST.ORG

“Study reveals gender inequality in telecommuting” - YALE

These are all real headlines. Perhaps you saw some of them? Or perhaps you just read Dr. Mukherjee’s fantastic analysis in the pages leading up to this page? On the other hand, perhaps you didn’t have time to read the articles because you are the article.

You’re exhausted. You’ve been in survival mode for months. You have the sense that there’s an imbalance, an insidious force tilting things too heavily toward you, but you’re too busy keeping the boat upright to figure out where the leak is, let alone plug it.

We hear you. We are you. You are not alone.

Regardless of what’s on your plate – whether you’re nursing a baby or the “kids” are back home again (for how long, exactly?!) – whether you’re supporting a vulnerable relative or missing your own support system – whether you’re holding up the community or holding on by your fingernails … it’s a lot.

Here’s the thing: It has been a lot for a long time. We were captaining that boat long before March 2020 and we took over the helm from the mothers and aunties and grandmothers and teachers and godmothers and mentors who captained it before us.

Women are conditioned to gauge our own value, to a large extent, based on who we are to other people. That has been entrenched for millennia. We are neighbors, mothers, spouses, sisters, employees, leaders, daughters, friends. You can’t shed these roles (nor would you likely want to). But you can stop conflating the role with your fundamental worth.

While you’re at it, you can also stop conflating your productivity with your fundamental worth.

Now, more than ever, in the midst of a crisis most of us never imagined, hear this: You are worthy. You are enough.

You’ve heard this before, right? Probably on an inspirational t-shirt or Instagram post. But did you really hear it?

Consider this your formal invitation to let that in. If you’re reading this, you are enough as you are, and you are worthy. Right now, that worthiness includes being worthy of rest: judgment-free, no excuses, just because rest.

Take a pause. Give yourself permission to just be. No judgment. For this moment, treat yourself like you’d treat another Bennie who came to you – worn down, scared, tired, spread too thin and having all of that exacerbated by an unrelenting feeling of being not enough.

There’s probably already self-talk that’s resisting this idea.

But the dishes …

But the kids …

But the work piling up …

But the looming global economic collapse …

Right. And those things will still be there in 30 seconds, or five minutes, or a few hours, or whatever you can make space for. Those roles aren’t going away, and neither are your to-do lists. We know that women will likely be the social longhaulers picking up the pieces after this pandemic finally abates. But you don’t have to white knuckle through until then. You’ll be better equipped to show up in the way you want to, for all of those things and more, if you give yourself permission to pause and rest.

The rest of this magazine will be here, too. Put it away for a bit.

This is the opposite of a call to action. It’s a call to rest.

WE’LL WAIT. YOU’RE WORTH IT.