How I See It by CStewart

Contents Foreword by Sir George Mulgrave, Bt. OBE - 3 I: The Conservative Fight – 4-5 II: The Home Office – 6-7 III: Taking Executive Action – 8 IV: Premiership – 9 V: The Solution - 10 1

Foreword by Sir George Mulgrave, Bt. OBE 'How I See It' provides an insight into one of the most controversial subjects in modern British politics. Corruption and bribery at the highest levels of society influenced drastic changes to the way government was operating. The Earl of Galloway, who was a senior political figure at the time, lifts the lid in his incredible and fearless biography. I first met the Earl of Galloway some years ago in Kenya, where I was on a shooting trip with his father, the esteemed Henry Stewart. I could tell instantly, upon our first proper introduction, that all of the knowledge, wit and eloquence, so strongly associated with the 2

Stewart family, was most certainly present with the heir. Charles Galloway is the culmination of hundreds of years of Stewart experience, and he has put his experience to good use. He became Windsor Herald of Arms in Ordinary from 9 April 2015 until 3 March 2016, proceeding to be elected MP for West Sussex later that year, and soon appointed to the post of Home Secretary, where he is most commonly credited for his good work in Parliament. Most importantly, he is the shortest serving Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, breaking the one week record set by his father the 17th Earl. In his 25 hour premiership he was able to cut the price of 'Sainsbury's whole Chicken' from £3.29 to just £2.14, ending hunger among the liberal metropolitan elite. As can be seen, the Earl has always been a charitable man. Indeed, it is true that he can frequently be seen selling National Trust calendars to visitors of Marchmont House.

- Sir George Philip Richard Christopher Musgrave, Bart. OBE. DL.

I: The Conservative Fight There is much confusion surrounding the events leading up to and including my entry into politics – this is probably due to people’s predilection for constantly telling and reinventing false narratives about me to distract the spotlight from shining on them – and if it ever did shine on them then it would reveal just what counter-intuitive wastes of time they were and are… these are people who, rather than advancing themselves and others, throw away their lives spending their whole time attempting to pick apart those who want to advance themselves and others. This book will tell my side of the story – the TRUE and ONLY side. In November 2016, I and three others – Samuel Faith (later Lord Truro), Lord Berkshire (known to the people as Michael Fantolini), Alexander Hughes and Sir Bradley Ashworth – ran for the leadership of the Conservative Party. Given the obscurity of the other figures and my recent rise to fame at the 3

time, I had given myself a reasonable chance of winning. Fantolini was a ‘hasbeen’ whose only achievement had been to replicate the film ‘Catch Me If You Can’ in his various jobs at a ticket collector, priest and traffic warden whilst the country fell in and out of productivity. Hughes was outspoken and independent but did not have any policies solidified at the time of the contest. Ashworth was, I suspect, only running for the fun of it (like some of the hereditary peers in the House of Lords elections). If there was going to be a credible opponent, then it would have been – and was – Samuel Faith for he had the control of the mass market of people who seem to vote in general elections after their plane lands at Heathrow Airport – only to get the next flight out to somewhere else where they are never seen again (until the next election!). Samuel himself had not been seen for many years after his career as Mayor of London and was regarded by many (or so I thought) as having retired after a graceful career as a civil servant of the middling sort. ‘Productivity, productivity! Get Britain working again!’ was my main slogan during the Conservative leadership campaign. I had been around and in the public eye for many months leading up to the election and had been saying the exact same thing. It was therefore a complete outrage when Samuel Faith won the leadership election and was to be representing the Conservative Party in the general election. As I said in my post-election speech, whilst standing next to Samuel Faith, ‘This election represents all that is wrong with this country. I, a man with exceptional political heritage, campaign against our recent lack of productivity and propose solutions to it only to be cast aside by the very embodiment of that inactive establishment and his equally inactive supporters who only seem to awake in times of election. Until this country wakes up we will have the same cycle as we have always had. We need to see a full electoral reform to ensure that we are no longer electing duds.’ Following this speech I announced that I would be standing for election as UKIP leader to fight the general election against the ‘Conservative Party’ with the hope of having one last chance to tell the people the grave danger with which we were – AND ARE – faced and how to solve it. Samuel Faith, the then Conservative Party leader, clearly sensed that this would split the right-wing vote and reduce his eventual power, immediately called round to Marchmont to attempt to put a stop to my patriotic burst. Samuel asked me what it would take for me to stop and join him – bear in mind he had been a good friend of my late grandfather William, the 16 th Earl – and I replied, immediately, ‘Home Secretary,’ for I knew the dangers that our country was in and knew that reform had to be started from within the country’s largest institution that was, at the time, the grossly oversized Metropolitan Police Service and subsequent Home Office institutions. So there it was, I had been guaranteed the post of Home Secretary had Faith won the election – which I knew he would because those sorts of people always win the popular vote with their false optimism. It’s always those with false optimism who have the hardest time because as soon as they get elected their own selfdelusions crash down next to them and they realise that running a government is not as easy as they had hoped in their video gaming, MDMA-induced heads.

II: The Home Office When I took over as Home Secretary, I was faced with an overly large Metropolitan Police Service that had seemed to extend its responsibilities over everything with which it was not responsible. During my various attempts to reform the police service, I was met with several scandals originating from their lack of proper organisation, professionalism or common sense. My first point of call was to appoint a Commissioner – the police service had had no Commissioner for months. Jack Chapman was appointed a Commissioner and was about to receive the co-option of Her Majesty The Queen when the telephone in the hotel room I was staying rang. ‘Charles, what are you doing? I’ve got a much better appointment… my father,’ the young Miss Duval said to me over the phone. Clearly realising a mistake, I said, ‘Done,’ hung up and rewrote ‘Chauncey Duval’ on the letter to the Lord Chamberlain in place of ‘Jack Chapman’… so Chauncey Duval, a highly qualified man, was to be Commissioner and would lead the police in the right direction.

One of Duval’s first acts of office was to reform the ridiculous self-referential ranks that had been created over the months in which this country was in mob rule. As is natural, the police got angry because their true qualities had been recognised with their staff being granted the correct rank (e.g. a Chief Inspector down to a Sergeant) and redundancies had been made because the new Commissioner attempted to localise the ranks… a decision that made far more sense. The so called patriotic police force of this country went on a two day strike and protest (which was illegal) in attempt to get their own way. Also joining them on the protests, which included firebombs being thrown at my London residence, was Katrina Faith ‘MP’ (what a joke), the Defence Secretary AND daughter of the Prime Minister (my boss’s daughter and my colleague). The woman responsible for this country’s defence was taking part in a revolution against the government of which she was part – and to add insult to injury she was allowed to remain in post. This was the level of professionalism within Samuel Faith’s cabinet at the time, and anyone else who tries to say otherwise simply needs to stop inhaling helium. My original solution to the protests was to sack anyone involved, then imprison them and then have the Commissioner and Home Office conduct an internal review… BUT the Defence Secretary and ipso facto the Prime Minister had other ideas… ideas intent on taking this country to its knees. Their ideas were to fire Chauncey Duval completely from office and allow these maniacs to police our streets. I knew there had to be compromise, and so did Miss Duval (Chauncey’s daughter, Elisa, who had proposed him in the first place). Chauncey was placed on Home Office probation (which meant nothing but gave the fools in the lower rungs of the ladder an illusion) whilst some of the other idiots were co-opted officially (but unofficially the only thing that we would remember about them was the acts of terrorism they committed). I had shouted Samuel Faith down and threatened resignation were I not allowed to keep Chauncey Duval as Commissioner. As I told the cabinet that day, the Home Secretary appoints the Commissioner… no-one else. Such was Samuel Faith’s insecurity that he immediately backed down and let me keep Duval as Commissioner but only if I would operate under the illusion that he was on some review. I was the Prime Minister in that government… no-one else was. If Samuel was really in charge, then I would have been gone from day one. For my actions in stopping the terrorist attacks, perpetrated also by the Defence Secretary, I received the Order of the Bath, and rightly so. The second two scandals, relating to a royal event and private garden party, illustrate still how disorganised and deluded the police service was – as do the newspaper articles of the time. The first event, later known as ‘Clarence House Gate’, was the WISE awards – in which my wife and mother were honoured – where the police overstepped the mark not once but twice. Firstly, there was no royal protection unit for such events, so when the Lord Chamberlain instructed the police that security was needed, the whole station turned up – uniformed and non-uniformed officers alike – and proceeded to march about the hall where the dinner was taking place, in the presence of white tied royalty and dignitaries, shouting incessantly into their radios and having conversations among themselves. ‘Ey Clive, ‘ow’s the X factor goin’?’ barked one uncouth constable to another as I was sitting at a table. Such was the level of aesthetic disruption, one member of the household had go to go hospital for a once over. The madness did not stop there, however. A mad woman who had happened to receive an invitation to the event deigned to throw a plate across the room. Instead of escorting this woman out, the police – filled with self-delusion – proceeded to escort everyone out and ‘secured’ the location even though I, the Home Secretary, proceeded shouting at them to stand down – in the presence of the national and international press. Never before had I been involved in a bigger debacle. The upshot of this was that the police felt there had been a lack of communication from the Commissioner to the other ranks, so to avoid upsetting Miss Duval – and to keep a fine man in a job – I told Samuel Faith what to do: reshuffle Chauncey to Attorney-General and make his Assistant Commissioner replace him. The following event was a garden party hosted by Robert 6

Campbell that was guarded by various Commissioner ranks and other top brass of the police force whilst robberies etc. went unnoticed. After this, things got serious and I realised that the police were a lost cause. I made several reshuffles… AGAIN. It got to the point where I and other Home Office officials had to kit up in high visibility jackets and duty belts and patrol the streets for ourselves because the police were simply not capable enough. I remember well one time when I was pursuing a criminal through a Christmas market in a Home Office riot van with Simon Rodgers, my second in command. I tackled him down, restrained him, loaded him into the van and waited for the police to respond. That was the level of incompetency… all of this was going on whilst Katrina Faith and her hippie friends were complimenting the police on the great work they did. These are the people who ran our government, and no-one must forget that.

III: Taking Executive Action When Duncan Machimar, a fine MP, proposed the ‘Anti-Nepotism Bill’ everyone of Faith’s cabinet – except me – were nervous because they knew that the terrorist sympathiser, Katrina Faith, would be gone were this legislation to pass. Government ministers – by convention – must either vote in favour of a bill or abstain. I abstained three times. Such was the level of surprise generated by my abstentions that they recounted the vote three times and each time I abstained. I remember once, on the third vote, saying, ‘sorry, I must just respond to an e-mail.’ That was how seriously I took the government of lunatics. The bill passed and Samuel was forced to say goodbye to his nepotistic appointment. This was the start of the counter-revolution. On the 22nd of December I and a group of other patriots did what was right for this country. We crafted a plan to oust Samuel Faith out of office and give the electorate what was right for them – whether they believed in it or not. Following a terrorist attack, I proposed bill that would have allocated extra funding to the Metropolitan Police and other cabinet departments to increase their 7

security. This sort of bill is known as a Supply Bill because it deals with money, and should a government lose a supply bill it would automatically suggest no confidence in the government. A significant majority had agreed to vote against this bill. When Faith, however, sensed this and attempted to get one over on us by announcing a decision to visit HM The Queen and tender his resignation, I immediately had the bill tabled and initiated a vote of no confidence. As the slippery snake was racing to hand in his resignation, we voted that we had no confidence in his government and ousted him as his car drove in through the gates of Buckingham Palace. As Faith said in his first book, ‘When you have the power, control the power. Do not let it control you as it corrupts who you are and the legacy you will leave.’ Never has a truer set of words been spoken.

IV: Premiership Following Samuel Faith’s departure, I won the Conservative Party leadership contest and quickly took office as Prime Minister from HM The Queen. I will not divulge what I had said in that meeting with Her Majesty, as I – unlike others – have respect for protocol, but I will say that it was a nail-biting moment just as my father’s meeting was when he was in the exact same position. Even before I took office, the establishment of those who liked Samuel Faith and followed his blind politics blindly were plotting against me. Already, they had colluded with the Metropolitan Police – who I later disbanded because they were beyond the point of repair – in whose place I appointed a citizen militia, which demonstrated itself to be far more effective than any of those people in the police force during my time as Home Secretary. Those who plotted against my premiership and organised protests shall be referred to here on in as the ‘December Criminals’ (they know who they are). These people are complete scum. These people had and still have no regard for our country’s success, as is evident by their lack of understanding of 8

my theses (which shall be explained in the next chapter) and how they are to be put in place. I knew that my demise was inevitable and that I would be unable to achieve anything because the rabble had been well and truly roused. It is the rabble who vote (after arriving in this country from a long holiday and then leaving as soon as they entered) and it is the rabble who should not be listened to in politics. After 25 hours into my premiership, I tendered my resignation to HM The Queen – successfully, it has to be added unlike Samuel Faith who was ousted before he could do so – and fled to Kenya where I led a life as a petrol pump attendant before someone faked my death and I had to expose the foul play. My premiership, I still maintain, was one of integrity – however short.

V: The Solution The primary thesis that I shall reiterate and one that I have always held is that when this country has poor leadership its productivity and success decreases. The first solution to this is to screen all candidates and only allow those with intellectual credibility to run in the election. The second solution to this is to screen the credentials of all voters and to properly manage an electoral roll to ensure that electoral fraud – I know for a fact that many of those who voted for Samuel Faith voted under several aliases – is never able to happen. If these two solutions had been implemented, then this country would likely not have experienced the bad times it has. The second thesis that I shall introduce to back up the solutions to my first thesis is that in politics the most successful seems to be the one able to generate the highest turn out among the great unwashed and blind followers of idols – as demonstrated in countless elections gone by. The main solution to all of the dilemmas raised above is to reinstate the hereditary peerage and governance by the hereditary principle according to the nature that governs us as we read this very book. That will stop the governance of the person with the biggest car or best haircut. Our present 9

political system, to quote the late Lord Romney is ‘about consulting everybody and doing what nobody wants.’ We need to move on from this, and this book is the proof in favour of this statement.

Thank you to all those who have remained faithful to me.

Charles Stewart is the 18th Earl of Galloway. He was born in 1978 and educated at Eton and Christ Church, Oxford. He is the only son of the former Prime Minister Henry Stewart, the 17 th Earl of Galloway, and his wife Lady Anna Russell. He is the shortest serving Prime Minister in the history of the United Kingdom, having served a total of 25 hours. As Home Secretary, he presided over the collapse of the Metropolitan Police and helped to partially rebuild the police force before another internal revolution. He was made a Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath for his efforts in restoring the nation after it suffered riots as Home Secretary and a Commander of the Order of the British Empire for his work with the National Trust and documenting this nation’s heritage.