The Cauldron - Issue 16

Issue 16 | Monday, MAY 10, 2010

FREE

TheCauldron

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he 4th

Bi-Annual

SGA elections marred by unjust judicial process, greedy candidates

Awards

Let’s Not Stress

Midgard We descend from the heavens – or rather, our fourth floor office in the Cole Center – to bring you our collective thoughts of the very best media in this Viking Planet.

By Jonathan “Killstring” Herzberger and The Cauldron staff

By Reid May

By Samantha Shunk

Disabled Harp Technician Visits CSU

By Laura Krawczyk

CSU Sports Notebook

By Rob Ivory

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Contents

This Week’s Feature

V loul mu m e Vo e 1 1101 •0 I - I s s s u es u1e6 1 6

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Midgard

Awards

By Jonathan “Killstring” Herzberger and The Cauldron staff

The Melting Pot 03 Opening Statements The King is Retiring, long live the king 03 Mobile Campus Used To Be More Than Laptop Rentals 03 SGA elections marred by unjust judicial process, greedy candidate

News 04 Let’s Not Stress 04 Speech-Language Pathology Presentation Held at CSU 05 Weekly Events Calendar 05 CSU Salutes Black and Latino graduates 06 Photo Spotlight: Phi Sigma Phi Luau

Arts & Entertainment

“2010, at least what we've seen thus far, has been something of a roller coaster ride: ups, downs, and hairpin curves that seem included for no reason other than to hurt your neck, and empty the contents of your stomach.” ‣Page 8

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10 Pixel Perfect Halo: Reach 10 Disabled Harp Technician Visits CSU 11 Concert Picks of the Week Summer

Sports 12 Captains Tame The Dragons 13 Diamondmen Drop Heart Breaker; Continue On Tough Stretch 14 The Cauldron’s Summer Sports Predictions 14 CSU Sports Notebook

3 Get Connected.

Stay Connected.

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Courtesy: Facebook.com

The Melting Pot

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Photography by Alexes Spencer

Opening Statements

The King is Retiring, long live the king

By Jonathan “Killstring” Herzberger The Cauldron A&E Editor As the semester draws to a close, this issue of The Cauldron represents more than the end of the semester’s run. It represents more than a well-earned break for the staff and writers whipping themselves into a frenzy during finals week. It represents more than even the usual passing of the torch that comes with graduation.

This time, it represents the culmination of one Editor in Chief’s work, and the dawn of another›s.

It was never terribly publicized, but at the end of 2009, as Chris Enoch graduated ending his tenure as EIC, three candidates stepped forward to run for the vacating position. One, obviously, was Samantha Shunk, who served this past semester with grace and efficiency.

Another was Managing Editor Reid May, who will be stepping into Samantha›s shoes come this fall.

The third was me.

Samantha’s surprise announcement caught both Reid and myself off guard, but we had quite possibly the single most cordial and respectful political campaign in the history of modern democracy. We agreed on a lot of the same things, acknowledged each other›s points, and generally came to the conclusion that whoever wound up in charge, our paper – which we›ve all poured so much heart into – would be in good hands.

Those hands wound up being Samantha›s, by the vote of our staff. And they carried the paper through some magnificent times, some difficult hurdles, and the generally rocky trails that are inherent to the landscape of college media. I had to decide, right at the beginning, if this was going to be a case of working for my rival, or working with someone who I respected.

I went with the latter. This was unequivocally the right call.

And now, Samantha is stepping down, and Reid is stepping up. When asked if I was going to run against him, the answer seemed to surprise most everyone who heard it: “No. I think Reid will do a great job.”

As my own interests diversified, spreading out into design, preparing to launch a focused journalism website independent of The Cauldron, the situation seemed clear. Reid is, without any sliver of doubt in my mind, the person you want at the helm of this ship.

That›s my say. That›s my thought. Leadership has passed hands a lot in the past year – but I have every confidence that we will continue the grand tradition of not dropping that particular ball.

Happy trails, Samantha. And welcome, Reid.

Mobile Campus Used To Be More Than Laptop Rentals

By Alexes Spencer, The Cauldron News Editor

To some students, Mobile Campus is a place that they visit to rent a laptop. To others, it’s a place that they know exists but rarely use.

However, to literally hundreds of other students, Mobile Campus is more than a place to pick up a computer; it’s where Val is. Do you remember that one teacher in high school that every student knew, loved and visited when they needed love and advice? That’s who Val is to Cleveland State University.

Valerie Mackey, a Mobile Campus employee, is known for her view that all of CSU’s students are like her children. Part of her treatment of students that choose (emphasis on choose) to adopt Val as a 2nd mother is love, advice, care and, up until a couple of weeks ago, hugs.

Unfortunately, one student felt the need to take all of Val’s love and care and throw it back in her face. As a student who uses Mobile Campus and has several friends who also do, I know for a fact that Valerie has never and would never force anyone to hug her. In fact, I can recall specific instances of her saying, “Can I give you a hug?”

That does not overstep any lines or boundaries in my opinion. She has never done this in any instance that I’ve witnessed during high traffic times so that it interferes with her work.

To go even further, I don’t consider myself that close to Val, and I am not a physical person. I have never felt at all forced to hug Val. I have never heard anyone

mention that she made them uncomfortable.

Yet, some student, very obviously alone in their feelings, unfortunately found it necessary to bring her up on false accusations of being a flirt, to break the heart of the woman who considers herself a surrogate mom of dozens, even hundreds, of students at Cleveland State University.

What is even more unfortunate is that her bosses listened, and she is forbidden to hug students, even if they directly ask her for a hug. I find this completely ridiculous. As I said, Val has never hugged anyone without knowing or asking that it was okay, and I know her well enough to firmly believe that she would refrain from hugging anyone if they so chose.

I could fully understand if her bosses requested that she only hug people if they initiate or ask her for a hug to ensure that no one was upset. That seems plausible, acceptable even, but the fact that I can’t walk up to her and ask for a hug is unacceptable, so unacceptable that a Facebook fanpage for “Hugs from Val,” has been created. The page currently has almost 130 members and asks the question, “If one voice can stop Val from hugging, how many does it take to bring it back?”

Love and care are still available at Mobile Campus.

So, perhaps, it still is more than laptop rentals, but denying someone the right to hug someone even if that someone, a consenting adult, desires such contact, is completely ridiculous.

SGA elections marred by unjust judicial process, greedy candidates

By Reid May, The Cauldron, Managing Editor

The election of Student Government at Cleveland for equal say (one person, one vote), all students must State University intends to provide students with a unique have a proper chance to determine the outcome of this opportunity to voice their thoughts regarding the direction, process. Recently, this has not been the case. tone and mission of this institution. Given the provisions Continued on Page 7

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News

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Let’s Not Stress

By Samantha Shunk, The Cauldron Editor-in-Chief

So, finals week is upon the students of Cleveland State University. Most of the final papers are already done, but now it is time to study all of the material covered this semester to be ready to be tested on the final examinations. The Cauldron wishes to help everyone be less stressed during the last week before summer.

Luckily, CAB (Campus Activities Board) will be hosting their “Stress Free Zones” on Monday and Tuesday of this week. The event will be held from 11a.m. to 3p.m. both days over in the glass meeting rooms on the first floor of the main classroom building.

Ricardo Spencer, the director of the CABSquad, explained the event. “We have massages and facials to get students to relax during finals week, and we have other activities to get their minds off their finals.” The other activities Spencer speaks about include various crafts to let students use their hands, as opposed to their minds that are filled with information, to help them relax.

Spencer explained the activities that will be new this year. “We’re looking at other ways to relieve stress like Tai Chi and meditation.” With these activities available, the mind and body can be distressed in order to more easily be able to access the information learned throughout the semester and do well on exams.

Dr. Lou Sauer, a psychologist at the CSU Counseling Center, gave The Cauldron some tips for relieving stress during finals week and any time stress is present.

Some of her suggestions are deep breathing, meditating, stretching, making sure to eat and sleep well and taking a short break every 45 minutes while studying.

Sauer explained, “Breathing is one of the most important things to help us relax.” And she continued to explain “four square breathing, which is very simple.

You breathe in to the count of four, hold for the count of four, breathe out for the count of four, and hold for the count of four.” Then, you repeat that series four times, so the only thing you really have to remember is that everything is in four.

Meditation just through deep breathing and trying to clear your mind also can be helpful. Sauer said that any easy way to meditate is to breathe in deeply and as you exhale to think of a word or say a word or a sound that will calm you for as long as you care to do it until you feel relaxed. She revealed that it is good to do that “just before a test, because the worst thing for your grade is to be totally stressed out when you sit down to take your test.”

So, before your exam, take a deep breath and relax.

Speech-Language Pathology Presentation Held at CSU

By Kristen Mott, The Cauldron Copy Editor

Dr. Alex Johnson, a speech-language pathologist, held a speech on May 4 in Parker Hannifin Hall. The speech discussed the topic of speech-language pathology and provided insight into the future of this field.

John Bazyk, the associate professor and chairperson of the Department of Health Science, opened the event by explaining that speech-language pathology “deals with the most fundamental human abilities – our ability to communicate.”

Johnson said that speech-language pathology has so many dimensions that the topic of speech-language pathology is often a puzzle to the greater community.

For speech-language pathologists to change this trend, Johnson said, “We need to focus less on how we do things and more on what we do.”

Johnson stressed the need for new counseling skills and for speech-language pathologists to expand their understanding of the health and education systems.

“Working with one patient at a time is not always as effective as if we’re looking at the whole system,” Johnson said.

The demographics of the U.S. are changing, such as an increase in multilingual patients and changes in disease rates, and Johnson noted that professionals must address these needs. “We must be dynamic and flexible to serve this broad nation,” Johnson said.

Johnson emphasized the fact that patients have lives outside of therapy sessions. He said that professionals need to work with the family and friends of the patient to implement change.

“If we don’t change the family, we’re not going to change the child,” Johnson commented.

In addition to working with family members, Johnson would like speech-language pathologists to improve their collaboration skills. He said that he

would like health professionals to work with other professionals to help them understand what the subject of speech-language pathology involves.

Johnson briefly discussed the new health reform act and said, “The new health reform act will have a sweeping effect on health professionals.” He explained that it would expand the pediatric work force, eliminate pre-existing coverage exclusions and provide advanced primary care models.

Johnson is hopeful for the future of speech-language pathology. He said he would like to see students complete an increased number of clinical hours and specialize in certain fields. He would also like students to pursue continuing education.

“Learning doesn’t end with graduation, it just begins,” Johnson said.

Above all, Johnson said that he would like speechlanguage pathologists to develop a collective image that people can identify with. He said that health professionals need to become advocates and tell their stories.

“Whatever the inspiration was that brought us into this profession in the first place, we need to invigorate it,” Johnson said.

Johnson is currently the provost and vice president for academic affairs at the MGH Institute of Health Professionals. He received his doctorate at Case Western Reserve University and has led delegations of speechlanguage pathologists to countries including Russia, South Africa, Cambodia and Vietnam.

The speech was the second in a series of the Professional Lecture Series honoring distinguished alumni award winner Danielle Ripich, Ph.D. It was sponsored by CSU’s Speech and Hearing Program in the Department of Health Sciences.

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CSU Salutes Black and Latino graduates

Eric Vega, who was awarded the Future Latino Leader Award. He is the President of Latinos Unidos, the Latino organization on the CSU campus and has completed his B.A. in Urban Studies

Photography by Cheryl D’mello

Ceremonies were held by the Office of Diversity and Multicultural Affairs in honor of Black and Latino graduates at CSU on April 23 and 29. Speakers at the Salute to Black Graduates dinner included CSU Board of Trustees member Rev. Marvin A. McMickel and keynote speaker, Basheer Jones, host of Newstalk 1490 on Radio-One. President Berkman attended the event honoring Latino graduates which included Latin music and dance.

Mrs. Patsy Bilbao-Berkman, wife of CSU’s President Ronald M. Berkman, addresses the graduating Latino students and their families

Latino graduates at CSU proudly wear their colorful stoles, which were draped on them by Dr. Gregory Sadlek, Dean College of Arts and Social Sciences.

➡ (Left to right) Jamie Vega from CSU's Admissions Office. Prof. Delia Galvan, Angelo Luis Arroyo, Sr. (CSU alumnus) and Dr. Neri Nuru-Holm, Vice President for Institutional Diversity at the Celebration for Latino Graduates on Thursday, April 29, 2010 hosted by CSU's Office of Diversity and Multicultural Affairs, the Division of Institutional Diversity, Latino Faculty and Staff Association, and Office of Undergraduate Admissions.

New Latino undergraduate students to CSU were also welcomed at the Celebration

Weekly Events Calendar 5/10 - Commissioning ceremony for student Brendan Fenton at 9:30 a.m. in the new college of education.

- Stress Free Zone from 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. in MC 104 featuring massages and facials.

5/11 - Stress Free Zone from 10 a.m. - 3 p.m. in MC 104.

5/13 - Earth to U Farmer›s Market re-opens from 10:30 a.m. - 1:30 p.m. between on Euclid between 18th and 21st.

- TRIO Ice Cream Social for Graduates in FT 303 from 1-5 p.m.

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Photospotlight: Phi Sigma Phi Luau

By Pete Lindmark

MAY 10, 2010 • Page 7

SGA elections marred by unjust judicial process, greedy candidates Continued from page 3

There has been no ballot forgery, nor any unjust result. Rather, the ability to efficiently campaign, elect and govern has been compromised by certain jealous, insatiable students.

Each year, without fail, dramatic circumstances surround the election process at Cleveland State. Most often, these events arise from those students seeking election or others within the current government (and therefore in a position of influence) who covet a particular result.

“What happens when this occurs is every single administration gets off on a sour note,” said Eli Auerbach, chair of the Board of Elections. “[The] last couple months are inundated with issues, legislation stops and next year you are recuperating from everything…it takes a while to really get everything rolling.”

Sometimes the choice method of disruption is as simple as slander, other times as complex as a slate of intense, prying and excessive judicial charges. Sadly, the latter marred this year’s election. While this is only an example—and certainly not the only occurrence of such malicious activity—it is necessary to shed light on this repetitive dilemma.

This year, two parties ran for the Student Government Association executive board. Those two parties were the Party of One Voice and the Students’ Opportunity for Success Party. One Voice secured a resounding victory— nearly doubling the support for SOS—and at that point, all should have been settled. Yet, it was far from settled.

Rather than expressing polite congratulations for winning a hard-fought election, Gilbert Torres-Ruiz, the speaker of the senate, joined running mates Maria Baker, Willa Weeks and Patchio Muleba, to spend weeks working to bring down now elected One Voice, as well as other SGA officials.

“Instead of him spending his time doing his [work] as speaker, he’s doing all of this,” said Shauna Jackson, SGA’s current secretary and vice-president elect. “[If] he would have spent as much time [on the campaign] as was spent making out charges it would have been a better campaign. They might not have lost [so] terribly.”

Torres-Ruiz’s method is a series of judicial charges, filed against Auerbach, Jackson and SGA President Mohammad Faraj. Another One Voice party member also faced charges, but was unwilling to discuss them for this story.

This action is severe, only intended to disrupt the current government and the personal lives of those affected by the charges.

“I don’t think they understand the extent of what we’ve gone through emotionally,” said Jackson. “We can come in today and act like everything is fine, but we spend the

Photography by Steve thomas

whole day waiting to see what they come up with next.”

Jackson and Faraj were charged with misuse of the university logo, as seen in a video that was linked to their website. However, they had the support of University Marketing as stated in a letter presented to Valerie HintonHannah, who oversees the judicial process.

With that kind of pre-hearing support, Jackson and Faraj should never have been required to defend themselves against the charges—but they were. This brings up issues on multiple levels.

First, Hinton-Hannah should have been able to discern legitimate charges from those without reasonable grounds.

In this case, the support letter provided by the marketing department should have had the case thrown out. Instead, Jackson and Faraj had to waste their time structuring an unnecessary defense. “[The video] didn’t violate contextual use,” Jackson said. “This should never have been pursued judicially. It was just meant to sidetrack, distract and slow us down.”

In fact, the charges were such a distraction to the duo that Faraj tells The Cauldron he is struggling to pass one of his classes. “I hate to say this, but it has left me a little turned off to student government—I’m a little jaded by the process,” said Faraj.

Meanwhile, Torres-Ruiz charged Auerbach with five student code of conduct violations. According to Auerbach, 50 percent of the charges were election related and had no standing with the judicial board.

“Another 40 percent were related to no conduct issue at all. Several were irrelevant, pointless,” said Auerbach.

One of the charges was ridiculous enough to allege that Auerbach harassed Torres-Ruiz when he informed him of possible judicial sanctions.

“He said I harassed him because I threatened him with sanctions if he did not take down a banner [that was illegally hung],” said Auerbach. “I was just doing my job.”

In fact, Auerbach’s efficiency was the problem for Torres-Ruiz. Even though he gave SOS “twice as many chances as anyone else,” they still managed to rack up 25 violations during the election.

“Everybody else, which includes the other e-board party and all other candidates—24 candidates total— committed three infractions,” said Auerbach. However, Torres-Ruiz and the rest of SOS were all part of the Senate that approved the election guidelines and none of them ever raised any objections.

“You can only use the argument that you don’t know or don’t understand so many times,” said Auerbach. “How long before other candidates begin to question the process [because of free passes]?”

Auerbach, Jackson and Faraj have all been cleared of

any wrongdoing in their respective cases. However, the greater issue lies with the disruption the cases caused and the lack of responsible oversight, in enough time to throw out useless material.

“I was only able to do my job for 50 percent of election week,” said Auerbach. “I should have been out getting the word out, getting the vote out.” Instead, Auerbach spent most of his time preparing a 150-page defense, in order to contradict each of the ridiculous charges against him.

Jackson and Faraj were similarly inundated. Imagine adding the stress of a judicial hearing that could change your life to being the leaders of the student body. Tack on the time and energy needed for final exams. Sleep becomes a treasured commodity.

The most important question then becomes: why was this allowed to happen? Why were there no efforts made by the Department of Student Life to intercept ridiculous accusations?

“Valerie [Hinton-Hannah] failed to do her job by allowing this to go to the j-board when there are so many erroneous accusations being made,” said Auerbach.

Faraj corroborated those sentiments, alleging longterm separation between the judicial affairs office and Student Government.

“In order for there to be a review process there has to be a willingness to work together,” said Faraj. “There has never been a relationship between Valerie [HintonHannah] and any, any, member of student government.”

The relationship is so torn that Jackson, who is responsible for student appointments to the judicial board, said she was never given the opportunity to fulfill her responsibilities.

“As the secretary of SGA, I was the chair of the student appointments board and was to work with the office of judicial affairs for appointing students to the judicial board throughout the year, which never happened,” said Jackson. “I had little to no contact with Valerie [HintonHannah] or her office and was not responsible for any of the 2009-2010 appointments to the j-board, not for a lack of trying.”

Presently, Hinton-Hannah is the sole determiner of the extent to which judicial charges are pursued and whether or not they actually go through the entire process.

Auerbach suggests a new system, a “grand-jury style process as a reviewing intermediary between students and the j-board.” This process could be run by students.

However, skepticism runs high on the likelihood of such a system ever being established. “Possible resolutions can’t happen without administration— probably the Department of Student Life—making the decision that that is what they want to do,” said Auerbach. “[Until then] there are serious flaws in the process.”

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ere we stand.

2010, at least what we›ve seen thus far, has been something of a roller coaster ride: ups, downs, and hairpin curves that seem included for no reason other than to hurt your neck, and empty the contents of your stomach.

Which is both mean, and gross, respectively.

Such matters aside, you now hold in your hot little hands the final issue of The Cauldron this semester. Or the finals issue, if you prefer a side of pun with your feature spread. Doubtlessly, you’ve been laboring diligently throughout the semester, studying hard, staying current with your reading, and otherwise being a good, studious little creature.

Doubtlessly.

But there›s no need to fear, gentle reader: we at The Cauldron have bravely and selflessly sacrificed our grades all year, to stay current with the moving trends of media – we’ve done this for you, dear sweet reader. Nobly sacrificing our study time to play games, watch movies, listening to the latest releases. I know. We’re very giving.

And as is our wont come this time of year, we descend from the heavens – or rather, our fourth floor office in the Cole Center – to bring you our collective thoughts of the very best media in this Viking Planet. In other words, the time has come for the fourth installment of The Cauldron’s Midgard Awards.

Remember, if you disagree with the following opinions, keep in mind that we are infallible, and always right.

Regarding everything. If, for some reason, you disagree with that, well, feel free to contradict this fundamental pillar of reality at www.csucauldron.com – because as we all know, everything on the internet is 100 percent factual, and then we can all be right!

Won›t that be fun.

Television Every semester, this is the category I find most vexing, most troublesome. You see dear reader, I – that is to say, the artist formerly known as “Killstring” don›t really find myself watching television anymore.

At least, not on televisions.

Through Hulu, iTunes, even YouTube and even less... shall we say savory outlets, the days in which someone needed to watch TV according to the network›s plans are in the rearview. This does, however, make its own sort of trouble, as the strictly modern viewer is difficult to quantify. This means the shows that are most watched through alternative (read: non-broadcast) methods have an increasingly difficult time showing their networks that yes, they have audiences.

Are we killing TV by watching it on our own schedules? Man, I hope so – that›d be an awesome t-shirt.

Most likely to cause the editorial staff to behave like adolescent fanboys: Lost Lost doesn’t love you. Lost

The Cauldron staff

Lost is like that emotionally abusive relationship you keep coming back to. Lost is the enabling crutch that keeps trying to seduce you off of the wagon. Lost is that weekend fling that wound up being impossible to end, even as it slowly eats your sanity.

doesn’t even respect you, and damn it, Lost has broken promises, led you on, and generally treated you with all the consideration most of us give a box of kleenex. Lost is like that emotionally abusive relationship you keep coming back to. Lost is the enabling crutch that keeps trying to seduce you off of the wagon. Lost is that weekend fling that wound up being impossible to end, even as it slowly eats your sanity.

And buggered if we don›t love it.

If you›re not already neck-deep in the cult of Lost, there’s no good way to explain it, you›ll have to experience it for yourself – which likely involves a few trips to the library to catch up with the prior five seasons – hopefully in time to catch the series finale on May 23. (Editor›s Note: All of the previous five seasons are also available on Netflix Instant Queue and on Hulu) If you are already a card-carrying member of the Dharma Initiative, or whatever Lost fans refer to themselves as (Editor’s Note: “Losties” - sorry, Justin is one of them), please stop leaving messages on our voice mail. We get it. Show’s addictive.

Honorable Mentions: Lady Gaga on American Idol, Anything Seth MacFarlane was involved in, for better or worse.

Show that kept us holding our breath, hoping against hope it wouldn›t be canceled: Chuck.

Which, for longtime fans of everyone›s favorite Nerd Herd member, is familiar feeling. “Save Chuck” wasn›t so much a movement, as it turned out to be a long-term commitment.

Which, you know, we›re ready to settle down and pick out curtains with our little spylet.

Consistently funny, charming, and possessed of enough action to make those qualities even more remarkable, Chuck remains in perpetual danger of going the way of the dodo, so that NBC can make room for another uninspired reality series or the like.

We›d make an impassioned plea to the network to keep our beloved series afloat, but we both know they›re not reading this. So we›ll simply recommend that you catch this series while you still can.

Honorable mentions: Legend of The Seeker, Human Target, Scrubs (we should have known better) And the Midgard Award for the best thing about TV (that we miss already) goes to... V Hello there, shiny new series, how are you? We›re The Cauldron, and man, you sure are pretty. More than pretty, you’re kind of novel, despite being a remake. Some people think you’re a political analogy, and we know that’s where you come from – Sinclair Lewis’ 1935 novel It Can’t Happen Here, which had its American fascists turned into aliens for the 1983 miniseries, which was then called V – but you feel more general than a specifically targeted

statement at any one particular government.

But the fact that three different people can watch the same show, and think that it›s about Obama, the Bolsheviks, and Scientology – baby, that just means you›re art. “Capitol A” Art, whatever Roger Ebert might think, often evokes differing responses. What is Mona Lisa smiling about? Is Mahler›s first symphony tragic or uplifting? Is Braid about relationships, or atomic war?

Is V about spaceships, or (insert governmental style you most fear here)?

That›s why we like you, V. Because you make us fight amongst ourselves. Thanks.

Honorable mentions: RuPaul’s Drag Race, Archer Film If the first wave of 2010›s films are likely to be remembered for anything, it›s the introduction of “Modern 3D.” Yes, we›re counting Avatar in this cycle – The Midgard Awards› calender year starts at the publishing of each semester›s final issue. Besides, if we saw you in 2010, then you›re a 2010 movie, so there. Any disagreement with this ruling can reference guideline A: namely, that we are infallible unless refuted on the internet.

I suppose we set ourselves up with that one. At any rate, here›s what we were watching, as we hurt our necks by sitting too close to those bloody huge screens.

Best date night movie: Date Night Yeah, that›s right. We said it.

Editor in Chief Samantha Shunk said it best, though: “With Tina Fey and Steve Carell teaming up in a movie, it is bound to be funny. After a slight amount of convincing my boyfriend to go to this one, we were not disappointed; but it was all the action that keeps interest for the duration of the movie.

There are corrupted cops, small-time thieves with guns, and even the mob eventually steps into the picture.

Especially for a movie that seemed like it was going to be just like every other romantic comedy, Fey and Carell really made it interesting. The slapstick (see: vulgar) comedy that they are known for mixed with the ironic humor makes for a fun Date Night.”

And it has a much better chance of leading to cuddles than Iron Man 2 does. Just saying.

Honorable Mention: Nightmare on Elm Street (Because the odds of saying “this movie is terrible, would you care to go make out?” and having it actually work have never been higher) Best argument that the New Age of 3D is still about the film itself: Avatar.

Told you it counted for this cycle. But really, what can be said about James Cameron›s sci-fi blockbuster that hasn›t been repeated ad nauseum by this point? Oh, I don›t know, how about “Avatar was better in 2D.”

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Quote us on it.

Sure, it was a novel, and dare we say exciting experience with the glasses and all, but when it comes down to it, very few people will sit through two hours of a 3D tech demo.

(Editor’s note: remember this should there be summertime E3 coverage) To make this tale work, you needed a tale.

And Cameron’s Ferngully-with-Assault Rifles epic has the requisite goods.

To be fair, it doesn›t have Tim Curry as a singing pollution monster. So, there›s that.

Otherwise, this film is exactly what you›d think it is – East India Company in Space meets misunderstood native culture, meets lots of things blowing up. Good gravy, is it pretty though. In films about spectacle, the best spectacle wins. Ladies and gentlemen, Avatar.

Honorable Mentions: Alice in Wonderland, How To Train Your Dragon.

And the Midgard Award for best film goes to ... Exit Through The Gift Shop.

Yeah, the Banksy movie. If you know what was just said, you likely either adored this film, or are excited to eventually see it. If you have no idea, well, you need to see it even more.

For the uninitiated, Banksy is the non de plume of perhaps the world’s most famous street artist. Whether it be intricately – dare we say gorgeous graffitti stenciling, breaking into a zoo to create snarky protests about dietary restrictions and boring groundskeepers – all from the point of view of the animals, or working with DJ Dangermouse to create a remixed version of Paris Hilton’s debut CD, complete with cover art that is, shall we say, probably not what the label intended – and then somehow getting them swapped out in record stores all over the UK, Banksy is, unequivocally, the man.

So. The Banksy Movie.

A weird, funny, self-parodying documentary-ish sort of film that manages both to cause you to shoot soda out your nose (Editor›s note: verified) and also sparks an honest-toyour-deity-of-choice discussion about the very nature of art, its relationship with the observer, and whether or not the ephemeral nature of transient art isn›t actually a positive in the long run.

It›ll entertain you, it›ll make you think – hell, the only thing Gift Shop won’t do is make you regret spending a couple bucks to see it.

Honorable Mentions: Shutter Island, Kick-Ass Video Games We›ve enjoyed substantially increased gaming coverage this semester – largely due to the influx of a few writers with sufficient time to actually play through a season’s major releases.

And great golden glory, did we ever see some major releases.

The new trend of releasing triple-A releases after the Christmas rush has bestowed its blessings upon the gaming faithful, offering all manner of largess, ripe for the plucking.

And, unless you›re Roger Ebert, the slow creep of new media being accepted as a legitimate art form has made this a fantastic era.

Truly, there has never been a better time to be a gamer.

Best second chance at a brilliant but failed concept: Heavy Rain Man, I wanted to love Indigo Prophecy. Wanted to love it gently, and warmly. Put on some Barry White, whisper sweet nothings, and play down by the fireside kind of gaming, you know?

And then, wham! The third act hits: did you know that everything in the world is completely stupid? S›true!

Your delightfully normal, human adventure, your murder mystery with occult elements – all invalidated by writing and design choices that came off as though someone took a Stephen King novel, Doctor Who, The Divinci Code, and Neil Gaiman’s run on Marvel Comics’ The Eternals; took out all the good parts, and chucked them in a blender, mashing liquify.

So yes. Disappointment.

Then, developer Quantic Dream says they›re making another game. That they›ve learned from their mistakes, and they›re not going to rush this one. Going to make an interactive drama, in a brooding noir setting. Going to emphasize storytelling, and humanity – going to take what worked from Indigo Prophecy, and drop what didn’t.

So yes. Elation.

This story of four souls, and their attempts to deal with the mysterious “Origami Killer” will grab hold of you, draw you in, make you care, and otherwise take you for an emotional ride. It›s good storytelling, plain and simple – and exactly the kind of game this industry needs more of.

Honorable mentions: Just Cause 2, Army of Two: 40th Day Best game that does nothing really new, and doesn’t need to: Darksiders: Wrath of War. Do you like The Legend Of Zelda? I mean, I don’t, but I’m pretty much the only person on the planet who holds this opinion, so... yeah. If you like any of the 3D Zelda games, and perhaps dig the artistic stylings of Joe Mad – just go buy Darksiders.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse are doing their thing, but maybe prematurely? You play as War, which to be fair, was a good choice for this type of game, and after seeing some angels and demons mix it up, War gets the idea that the world is ending, and it›s his time to shine.

Turns out he was wrong, but I feel that›s a mistake any of us might have made in his shoes.

Anyway, he then goes on a quest to use every trope from the Zelda series, and the main mechanic from Portal to do... honestly, does it matter? It’s fun, it’s polished, the character design for War has more detail than some games pack in a level – it’s a good time.

Honorable Mentions: Super Street Fighter IV, Mega Man 10 And the Midgard award for the game we were playing instead of studying for finals goes to... Mass Effect 2.

This was, quite possibly one of the hardest calls of any that we›ve made in the entirety of the Midgard Awards› brief history. Namely, because most of the editorial staff has limited or no access to the Playstation 3 platform, which has made covering some of the biggest releases of the year more than a touch difficult.

Honestly, even after bending over backwards to get our hands on some of these titles (I know, poor us) the decision came down to the question: what single game elicited the most joy? What game made us stop playing to just giggle with delight? (You know, in a hardcore, tough fashion) It›s the second chapter in Bioware›s space opera.

Redesigned from the ground up to be a satisfying third-person shooter first, and a conventional RPG second, ME2 continued the formula of distilling their core design philosophies into a sleek, streamlined experience.

It worked.

Entertaining from top to bottom, the conversation, the combat, the narrative – ME2 weaves an engaging tale, and draws you into it. It›s worth playing – and if you don›t

play games yourself, it›s worth making a gamer friend, and watching them play through it.

Utterly satisfying.

Honorable Mentions: God of War 3, Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Conviction, M.A.G. Music It was a weird five months in the music industry. Things we expected to wow us completely failed to. Things that had no right to be brilliant, were in fact, brilliant.

And of course, we got mailed a bunch of printed YouTube pages.

Here›s what we were listening to as we toiled over the word mills, hoping to mine for nuggets of literary gold for you. In other words, if our writing sucked, blame the following bands: The “Should Have Been Excellent, and in Fact Was” award: Sade – Soldier of Love Sade makes timeless R&B music that doesn›t pay attentions to nagging little details, like whether or not you even like R&B in the first place. Equal parts smooth, powerful, smokey, and dozen other synonyms for sultry – this is the kind of record that we envisions ourselves pulling out ten years from now, and being astonished at how not dated it sounds. Credit the seasoned musicians. Credit Sade Adu’s unhurried delivery, and flawlessly cool, inviting, and yes – sultry voice. Credit whatever you like – it is an album that simply works from top to bottom.

Timeless is not the same thing as classic. Having said that, this record is timeless. A great record to fall in or out of love to, while simultaneously being a great record to curl up near a window with, to read a book on a rainy day.

Honorable Mentions: Josh Ritter - So Runs The World Away, Erkah Badu – New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh.

The “Where The Hell Did This Come From” award: Crime In Stereo – I Was Trying to Describe You to Someone Okay, I get it. You guys are for real now.

Recently reviewed in Noise Inspectors, the evolution from Hardcore Punk band into... into band, I suppose, has been a captivating one. Trying to Describe You is a varied record, that we keep coming back to, regardless of genre preference. There’s impassioned screaming, melodic singing, and self-conscious mumbling. They have fast songs, slow songs, dynamic songs, epic songs. They have the ability to remind you of every band you liked over the past two decades, without ever really sounding like anyone but themselves.

They›re a modern-feeling rock band. They make modern-feeling rock music. They›re really good at it.

Honorable Mentions: Foxy Shazam (Editor›s Note: I know where they come from. They come from Cincinnati.)

Titus Andronicus – The Monitor, Black Tambourine – Black Tambourine, Marco Polo & Ruste Juxx – The eXXecution.

And the Midgard award you should be listening to right now goes to... Joanna Newsom – Have One On Me Some people don›t know who Joanna Newsom is. We feel bad for them.

Where to start? She›s a singer-songwriter who plays the harp and the piano, and has a gorgeous voice. She deals in the ethereal and ephemeral – her music is as much faerie tale as pop song half the time – and she plays with metaphor the way lead guitarists played in the 80›s; with passion, panache, and an utter lack of concern as to how long they›re taking.

Continued on Page 11

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Arts&Entertainment

“Anyone with a copy of Halo 3: ODST has a new reason to use that first disc again”

Pixel perfect

Halo: Reach

By Justin Brenis, The Cauldron Copy Editor So you want some Beta news, huh? You think that just because I’m a self-professed Halo fanboy, that I sat around my Xbox on Monday morning waiting patiently to download this new, exciting, supposedly game-chang-Ok, fine. You got me. Happy?

Anyone with a copy of Halo 3: ODST has a new reason to use that first disc again, because as of May 3, you now have your entry pass to the Halo: Reach multiplayer Beta. The goal of the Beta is not only to allow serious Halo players a chance to familiarize themselves with everything new, but also to give Bungie some serious statistical feedback as to what works and what doesn›t before Reach ships in September.

Well get ready for some serious changes, folks.

Those of you who haven’t set foot on Reach yet are in for a few surprises. First and most importantly, the control scheme has changed. Again. After getting used to the controls for Halo 3, and then for ODST, Bungie has tinkered with an already working formula yet again, but the only truly noticeable (and in my opinion, annoying) change is swapping the location of melee attacks and switching grenade types; this is still taking me some getting used to. But if you don›t like it, there are various other control types to use, the closest to ODST being the “Recon” setting, but it is still noticably different.

After that you have the introduction of what I am calling “Armor Classes.” At the beginning of each spawn you can choose a special addition to your Spartan’s armor. The options are: Guard – which allows you to

Courtesy: edstetzer.com

active short periods of time where you crouch in place and are invulnerable, Scout – which gives you the ability to run faster than the average Spartan, Stalker – which is essentially active camouflage which can be turned on and off at will, and depending on your walking pace will stay active longer or disappear faster, and finally Aerial – which gives your Spartan a jetpack. Needless to say, these completely change Halo multiplayer as it›s come to be known. Also, you’ll want to familiarize yourself with all four because they will all come in handy depending on what game type you are using. If I had to choose a favorite though, it would have to be Stalker, but ask any of my Matchmaking buddies and they’ll tell you I have a tendency to abuse active camouflage like it owes me money.

Finally, outside of the new stages, and the much grittier and “realistic” (as far as realism goes in the Halo universe) look of Reach, the final difference is the new game types. Here is where Bungie could really afford to look at the stats and listen to their fanbase. Slayer doesn’t feel drastically different, but outside of that I only played the new Capture the Flag mock-up called “Stockpile” mostly because of the new voting system.

Instead of a veto ability, Bungie has instituted a majority-rules vote system where players get four game type/stage combinations to vote on, including a “None of the Above” option and then majority rules. So, instead of dealing with a situation that pits players of various skills against each other in game types you are all unfamiliar with, you get a chance to lose over and

over again thanks to the controlling majority vote. While I am as much as fan of democracy as the next guy (and I am, I swear), when it comes to Halo, any relatively active player will tell you this results in nothing but constant grief so long as the majority party has enough time to get really good at one game type.

Supposedly there are four or five new game types other than Slayer and Stockpile, where your team collects multiple neutral flags and must have the highest collection at the end of the time limit to win. Due to the voting preferences during my play time, however; these modes never came up.

Also, there›s the new Arena system. It really isn’t all that different from the Major League Gaming (MLG) Free-For-All matchmaking list in Halo 3. The only difference is they combined something similar to the Halo: Waypoint level-up system, and to prevent people from cheating to keep their rank low they have broken the list into two or three week «seasons» and at the end of each season your rating resets.

So there you have it, a brief look at the Halo: Reach multiplayer Beta…if you enjoyed Halo 3 and ODST you’ll definitely have some fun on the Beta, and you’ll be helping Bungie tweak their upcoming game without really having to do anything. If you haven’t tried ODST yet, this is a pretty good reason to go and check it out, and if you’re looking for a fight, hit me up this summer.

(My Xbox Live tag is LaertesCurse360) Have a great summer, and game on!

Disabled Harp Technician Visits CSU

Photos & Story by Laura Krawczyk, The Cauldron Contributing Writer Listening to the punk melodies of the Rancid song “Indestructible” and scanning the articles and pictures of George Flores, the harp technician I was about to meet, I came across an old Polaroid shot uploaded to the web of a young shirtless guy playing a guitar with a studded strap, the words “Future Warriors” scrawled at the bottom. The man I met later that day giving a harp demonstration differed little. He had the same pierced eyebrow and the same jet black hair, just this time he was sitting in a wheelchair.

Flores spent the third week in April regulating Cleveland State’s three harps in the Music Department, as well as the harps of several private students from across the northeast Ohio area. Additionally, he gave an informational speech free and open to the public on harp maintenance and regulation. It was his first trip to Cleveland since an accident six years ago left him

paralyzed from the chest down.

“He’s the best harp tech in the land,” said Jocelyn Chang, Cleveland State’s sole professor of harp, who knew Flores long before his accident. “He tends to exaggerate, but I had my opinion set before he told me he was the best,” Chang said with a grin.

Regulation of a harp is much like a tune-up for a car.

The instrument is in a constant state of tension, the strings pulling at the wood whenever they are tightened. Over time, this causes the soundboard of the harp to come up and the neck to tilt, changing the length of the strings and ultimately effecting the intonation of the instrument.

A harp technician then comes in to alter the mechanical parts, which run from the base to the top of the harp through the column, and with the help of a $1,000 tuner ensures each note played is accurate.

After years of traveling the country with his thrash

metal band, Flores decided to look for a musical career he could pay the bills with. When he saw a wanted ad with the prerequisites of mechanical, woodworking and musical skills, he applied at the Lyon & Healy harp company. After mastering harp building in about three months, he was asked if he would like to train as a harp technician. Currently he works for Venus, the other American harp manufacturer. Once heralded as the youngest professional harp tech, working with universities and orchestras around the world, he is now the world’s only paralyzed harp technician.

On September 11, 2004 Flores’ motorcycle spun off of Route 83 in Chicago, falling into four feet of swamp grass. It wasn’t until the next morning – twelve hours later – that two men looking for scrap metal found him on the side of the road.

Continued on Page 11

MAY 10, 2010 • Page 11

Concert Picks of the Week Summer

By Alexes Spencer and Jonathan ‘Killstring’ Herzberger, The Cauldron News and A&E Editors

Hello, dear reader, and welcome to your last edition of Concert Picks for the academic year.

We know it’s a bit sad to think that you have to go an entire summer without our advice give how much you so desperately wait for it on a weekly basis, waiting until

Monday every week so that you can get your fix. We’ve seen you camping overnight at The Cauldron stands, waiting for our distributor, viciously tearing through the pages until you reach the A&E section. Oh, we’ve seen you... in our imaginations. And you’re beautiful.

The good news is that you’ll get your fix. We’re here to give you our advice on just what you should do this summer when it comes to concert-related goodness. So tear this out, hang it on your wall, and enjoy a summer filled with music.

Alexes Picks: 7/8 Vans Warped Tour 2010 at Time Warner Amphitheater, $37.50 The Vans Warped Tour is pretty much a staple of summer concerts. Especially this year, there really is something for everyone. Whether you’re into crappy pop punk, decent pop punk, electronica, metal, metalcore, deathcore, or punk, you’re almost guaranteed to find something to like if you look hard enough. On top of that, Warped Tour is an amazing experience. Yes, it’s about the music, but it’s so much more than that. It’s camaraderie, autograph signings, free stickers, and an unforgettable day.

This assumes that you posses a worldview that has room for indie bands with two poetic lead vocalists, fantastical arrangements, and generally being excellent at anything and everything that relates to making music. I suppose the easier way to put this is, do you like music? Excellent. Go and see Stars, then. It’s fifteen dollars.

Move along.

Killstring Picks: 6/8 Stars w/Dead Child Star @ the Beachland Ballroom Stars is quite possibly the best band on the planet. And from The Cauldron collective: 6/6 Clawsfest

2010: the Jessica and Yana Gusev Memorial Show @ Peabody›s Dedicated readers will remember varied works from Paul Kahan over the course of the semester. Whether it be the many looks into metal, his Now! column combing for the next big thing, or any number opinion articles that certainly elicited a response; whether you agreed or disagreed, many of you took notice.

Now, we›re proud and humbled to present his most important work yet.

The world lost two of its brighter lights during this semester. It seems a bit dimmer for this. Jessica and Yana left a lot of people behind, but perhaps most notably was Yana›s son, Tyler. Ostensibly, the purpose of Clawsfest is a benefit concert, the $10 price of admission going solely to aid in setting up the beginnings of a trust fund for young Tyler. But also, this isn›t a night for grief: it›s about the wonder of life.

To remember and celebrate these women with the kind of event that they would both undeniably enjoy.

There will be metal. There will be screaming.

There will be a sense of community and camaraderie.

There will be ten local bands, including The Dagger Rebellion, Konipshunphit and Ark Peninsula.

It promises to be a powerful, and intense evening.

Other Notable Summer Shows: 5/12 MC Chris w/Math The Band, MC Homeless @ the Grog Shop, $12 5/15 Horse the Band @ Peabody’s, $12 5/21 Buzzcocks @ Peabody’s, $22 5/29 GZA (Wu-Tang Clan) Muamin Collective, All Day Recess @ the Grog Shop, $15

6/21 OTEP w/ IWrestledABearOnce @ Peabody’s, $17 6/23 Melvins w/Totimoshi @ the Grog Shop, $17 6/27 Bayside @ the Grog Shop, $18 6/28 Gwen Stacy @ Peabody’s, $10

Alexes’ Honorable Mention: 7/14 Lady Gaga @ The Q Say what you want about Lady Gaga, the woman puts on an entertaining show. Unfortunately, this show is sold out so to even dream of going, you’ll probably have to harvest kidneys and sell them on the black market to reach a conceivable amount of money to pay a scalper.

Killstring Also Picks: 5/19 FLOBOTS w/Trouble Andrew, Champagne Champagne, Tropadelic @ the Grog Shop F-L-O-B-O-T-S. Sing it with me now. Fifteen bucks, FlooOOoOooOoo-bots. I’ve been looking looking forward to this show since, well... when was the last time the ‘bots came around? Doesn’t matter. Go and catch them - doesn’t matter if you like hip-hop or not, this is plain and simply going to be a fantastic show.

Energetic, revolutionary (as opposed to predictably ‘political’) - this is possibly the only concert that will ask you both to re-evaluate your perceptions of the world you live in, and shake your body like an ampersand.

5/31 Brian Jonestown Massacre w/Elephant Stone @ $18 6/15 Haste the Day w/ MyChildren MyBride @ Peabody’s, $14 6/19 Mates of State w/Free Energy, Comedian Todd Barry @ the Grog Shop, $12

The Fourth bi-annual Midgard Awards

Best of this Viking Planet Continued from Page 9

Disabled Harp Technician Visits CSU Continued from page 10

“They found me lying lung and crushed vertebrae. there, basically dying, and He endured three separate the guy asked me, he said surgeries and multiple ‘Are you okay?’ and all I infections, and though he could get was one last word was alive, he was now out – “No.” paralyzed from the chest Flores awoke in the down. After being bedhospital two weeks later, ridden for more than two discovering that that years, drained of almost all accident had left him with his health and hope, he set a six broken ribs, a punctured goal for himself.

“I was going to, one day, touch the top of this instrument again.”

With the help of a wheelchair that allows him to stand upright, Flores has been able to resume his professional

career. First though, he had to regain the strength and ability to control and maneuver a harp in his new state.

“I weighed like 132 pounds – my arms were as big as my wrists. So for me, what you see today was excruciatingly hard work and passion.”

Following his injury and several unsatisfactory trips to various hospitals, Flores has become a prominent spokesperson for disabled rights and adult stem cell research. He has managed to merge his new activist career with the other love of his life, working on harps. His current project is designing a harp for charity with proceeds going to the National Spinal Cord Injury Association “When I was in the rock and roll world, a lot of people assumed that I was almost indestructible,” said Flores.

Well, he’s not far from it, anyway.

Do that on a guitar, and it too often devolves into pointless wankery. Do that in the act of storytelling – and really, that›s what Newsom deals in, storytelling – and you get something beautiful, and we dare say magical.

Jon Conley did his best to sum this record up in keywords; “darling, quirk, ethereal, sentiment, middle earth, triple disc, apprehensive, asleep, luckily, patience, genuine, pulse, jazzy gallop, enchanting, whimsical, Lord of the Rings style, mitigated, time-consuming, novella.”

We›re not sure what you›d get if you entered that string into a search engine – but what you should get, is this record. Go buy it, brew some tea, open the window and be transported.

Honorable Mentions: Gil Scott Heron – I›m New Here, Broken Social Scene – Forgiveness Rock Record, Ali Farka Toure And Toumani Diabate – Ali & Toumani.

And with that, dear friends, this installment of The Cauldron’s Midgard Awards comes to a close. We’re glad you chose to share this moment with us.

Kisses, Killstring and The Cauldron Staff

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Sports

Captains Tame The Dragons

Photos & Story by Robert Ivory, The Cauldron Sports Editor For the first time ever, the Lake County Captains welcomed the Dayton Dragons to Classic Park in Eastlake, OH. The Captains, the newest member of the Midwest League (MWL) and the Class A Affliate of the Cleveland Indians, beat the Dragons 8-3 in the first game of their sweep of the team from Dayton.

Seven strong innings from Trey Haley, the Indians› 76th overall selection in

2008, and RBIs from five different players in the starting lineup. The bright side for the Captains, and the Cleveland Indians, is that they sit on top of the Mideastern Division of the MWL with a record of 20-8. You can find all about the Captains at Captainsbaseball.com. The Cauldron was there to sit in the warm sun and take in a ball game for the readers of the paper. Here’s what we saw:

MAY 10, 2010 • Page 13 Photography by Robert ivory

Diamondmen Drop Heart Breaker;

Continue On Tough Stretch

By Rob Ivory, The Cauldron Sports Editor

The Cleveland State men’s baseball team (10-35; 3-13 HL) has had a harsh 2010 season.

An example of the bad luck can be portrayed by their loss against the Youngstown State Penguins (20-24; 8-9 HL) in 11 innings, Friday night at All Pro Freight Stadium.

“We’ve had a lot of those (close games),” Vikings’ head coach Kevin Kocks said after their longest game of the year. “But the difference is we got good pitching tonight.”

Viking reliever Travis Miller had shut down YSU for three and two-thirds innings, but a two out homerun for the Penguins put them ahead and the Vikings could not get the lead back, falling 10-8 in 11. Coach Kocks knows however, that that is the game of baseball.

“It happens,” the coach replied. “You have to capitalize on opportunities on the offensive side of things and we got everything out of our pitching staff that we wanted tonight.

All we can ask for the [team] is to play hard.”

The Vikings looked like they had an answer for

everything the Pengiuns put up on the board, as the Vikes put two runs up in the bottom of the sixth (after the Pens scored to in the fifth), three in the seventh (after YSU put three in the top of the inning), and one in the bottom of the eighth (after a YSU sac fly).

Included in that three run seventh inning, Viking third baseman Tyler Wynn belted his ninth homer of the year, and gave the Vikings the momentum it needed, tying the game at seven.

“You always look for the guys that have been around for two or three years to give you some lift when you get runners in scoring position and when you need that pickme-up,” Kocks said about the homer.

“We kept battling today,” Wynn said of the back-andforth day. “It was just a good game by both sides.”

“It’s been tough on the pitching staff, then when they have a good outing, our offense isn’t there, we can’t put them together,” he continued. “Today, we go a little bit of

both, we just couldn’t pull out a tough game.”

The Vikings’ head coach also knew how important hits like that are, “If you don’t get those, you don’t play, its game over, you’re done.”

When asked about what the team needs to prove in their final eight games in the regular season, the coach replied confidently, “Nothing. We don’t have anything to prove,” He did go on to say, “What we need to do is to play our game, win some games, and to get into the Horizon League Tournament.”

Cleveland State has had their troubles, but are still close to getting into the playoffs. The diamondmen look at Butler, who sit a couple of games ahead of the Vikings, but the two teams meet in the final weekend of the regular season (May 21, 22), in Indianapolis.

“Good pitching and good defense gives your offense an opportunity,” the coach said about the chances the Vikings need to seize if they are to make it into the postseason.

Page 14 • MAY 10, 2010

The Cauldron’s Summer Sports Predictions

By Reid May, The Cauldron Managing Editor

I love the summer sports season. There is rarely a moment between the end of term and our return in the fall when my time cannot be spent avidly consuming all types of sports related information. The NBA playoffs, heart of the MLB season, NFL training camp and this year, the World Cup, make a self-proclaimed sports-addict’s dreams come true.

However, given the impending siesta, loyal Cauldron fans will be without their required dose of coverage, analysis and—of course—predictions to last until the waning days of August. Concurrently, I will be overwhelmed with a gross amount of information and no audience with whom to share.

So, readers—my pre-summer sports column. Ten predictions about impending events, so you and I alike can avidly follow-along, wondering with repeated incredulity, “Is this guy ever wrong?!” Or, something like that…

1. The Cleveland Indians will surprise—if you expect them to finish below .500. Despite the tough start and the offensive meltdown, the Indians are playing in a weak division with only one elite team. Slow starter Grady Sizemore (.220 avg., 1 HR, 13 RBI) will rebound after a tough start and become the key to a second half surge— making sure the team finishes 81-81.

2. Shin-Soo Choo will make the All-Star team, have second straight season with .300 average, 20 homeruns and 20 steals. He also will drive in 100 runs. The clearcut best player on the Cleveland Indians and he will only get better. He hits for average and power and brings some of the best outfield defense in the league. Clearly defines five-tool.

3. The Tampa Bay Rays and Philadelphia Phillies will continue to establish themselves as World Series favorites. Despite playing in a division with the New York Yankees, the Rays will put some distance (real and implied) between themselves and the defending champions; the Phillies will have a double-digit division and NL lead by the end of August.

4. The United States will lose in the second round of

the World Cup. Safest prediction on this board.

5. Pittsburgh beats Chicago to win a second straight Stanley Cup. I have absolutely no authority to make this prediction. I do not even watch hockey. However, with Washington out, Detroit down 3-1 to San Jose and that Crosby guy in Pittsburgh, I feel safe with this choice.

(Editor’s note: enraged hockey fans, please send your letters to Reid May, sports-genius, c/o The Cauldron.)

6. Another associate of the NFL, whether it be a player, coach, owner, former of any of the three or other associate not named here, will commit a crime/ evade police/beat a spouse/insert offense here and thus continue to cast a terrible shadow on a league with a growing reputation for inappropriate behavior. I really dislike making this prediction, but had it planned even before former Giants’ great Lawrence Taylor was charged with third-degree rape the other day. After that, this became the second-safest prediction on my list.

7. Tiger Woods will lose the number one world ranking to Phil Mickelson. Weeks later, he will win the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, taking it back. Tiger is off right now, but that does not mean he is unable to come around this summer. As the personal problems subside, the Tiger we know will return and win another major. While we are on the topic of Tiger Woods, let me throw something out there. If you want to root against Tiger because you prefer the underdog (yes, he is the favorite. Always) or you have particularly strong allegiance to another golfer, fine. However, if you are going to verbally bash Tiger Woods because of his indiscretions, direct your comments somewhere else.

According to a recent study I conducted, 94.7 percent of male Americans are addicted to sex. In another study (also conducted by yours truly), everybody makes mistakes, everybody hurts people they love and .01 percent of people deal with public scrutiny on the level of Tiger Woods. Give the man a break, let him play golf and if you root against him, find a better reason than some weird logic about his personal problem affecting you.

(Editor’s Note: The studies referenced in the above

article are pretend. However, “sex addiction” is a stupid, made up excuse for people who have to validate personal mistakes in the public eye. If sex is an addiction, sign us up.)

8. Tim Tebow will win the starting QB job for the Denver Broncos. I have never been the biggest Tebow fan, but the mere fact that Denver Broncos coach Josh McDaniels considered him worthy of a first round draft pick makes it clear (to me, at least) that Tebow’s intangibles are valued beyond the walls of the swamp. With only Kyle Orton as serious competition, Tebow’s work ethic, willingness and intense desire set him up for a unique opportunity in the mile-high city. Say what you want about Tebow, he has yet to fail or succumb to serious doubt and criticism.

In other news, Sam Bradford also wins the starting job and is destroyed playing behind a porous line in St. Louis.

Jimmy Clausen sits out to start the Carolina Panthers’ season, but takes over midway and has the best rookie campaign of these three. Colt McCoy impresses in the preseason, but never sees regular season action in Cleveland.

9. The Cleveland Cavaliers will win the 2010 NBA Championship. First, the Cavaliers will finish off Boston in five games, before spanking a weak Orlando Magic in six. Then, the best team in recent memory will dispose of the surprising Phoenix Suns in six back-and-forth games in the NBA Finals. Mo Williams will be key against Phoenix, as someone will need to disrupt Steve Nash’s consistent point guard production. Amare Stoudemire will seem small against a constant flow of energy from J.J. Hickson and Anderson Varejao, while Shaquille O’Neal disrupts the Suns’ flow inside. Phoenix will not have an answer for the LeBron James/Antwan Jamison combination on offense and Delonte West will be the unsung hustle hero of the series against a very athletic opponent.

10. LeBron James will sign a three-year extension (with an option to opt-out after two) and remain with the Cavaliers. Shaquille O’Neal and Delonte West also resign with the team, setting Cleveland up for a run at backto-back titles. couresty: sxc.hu

CSU Sports Notebook

By Rob Ivory, The Cauldron Sports Editor

Softball: The Viking softball team has cemented their place as the host for the 2010 Horizon League Championship. Going into their last weekend of play, the Vikings were 19-2 in the league, and won 39 of its 51 games overall. The most important part of the Championship is Thursday, May 13, when the Vikings play the winner of the number four vs. number five seed (which is slated for 9 am, Thursday) in the second round. The planned barbeque, that was supposed to take place this week versus Dayton, will now be Thursday, so bring your CSU id to get a hotdog, or hamburger, and chips, and soda for free.

The softball team have won their last seven out of nine games, as they continue to dominate the Horizon League.

In their last six games against the Horizon League, the Vikings have outscored their opponents 27-5.

Tennis: Last week, The Cauldron reported on the men’s team winning their third straight HL title. Since that time, the Vikings have learned that they will be travelling to the

Bluegrass state to take on the Kentucky Wildcats in the first round of the NCAA Championship, for the second year in a row. The Vikings will take on the Wildcats on May 15 at 1 pm.

Kentucky enters the NCAA championship as the 12th seed and have a 23-8 record in 2010.

Golf: The Cleveland State golf team finished the year in sixth place, despite being fifth through the first two rounds of the Horizon League tournament. Michael Klaric III finished tied for sixth with 219, 3 over. With that finish, Klaric was named to the Horizon League’s all-tournament team as a freshman for the Vikings.

Cleveland State Athletics News: With the departure of athletic director Lee Reed to Georgetown, The Cauldron would like to welcome the interim AD, John Perry, to campus. Perry is the former athletic director of the University of Butler and was also the director of athletics for Brown University.

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The Cauldron Sa ma ntha S hunk, Editor-In-Chief

Reid May, Managing Editor Jayson Gerbec, Advertising Manager Kristen Mott, Copy Editor Justin Brenis, Copy Editor Alexes Spencer, News Editor Rob Ivory, Sports Editor Jonathan D. Herzberger, Arts & Entertainment Editor Steve Thomas, Layout Editor Anne Werner, Business Manager Daniel Lenhart, Student Media & Web Specialist Dr. Rodger Govea, Faculty Advisor

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The Cauldron prints according to sound journalistic principles of accuracy, accountability, integrity, transparency and with a recognition of press freedom and student expression.

The Cauldron shall remain a forum; maintaining a strong connection to the diverse campus community, regarding but not limited to Cleveland State University, the city of Cleveland, the United States, and the Global Community.

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Hiring for route delivery and packaging. 30 minutes from campus.

Flexible scheduling around classes.

Earn $8.00 to $14.00 per hour. Work Through school on into Summer.

we Looking for Witnesses On September 15, 2009 at approximately 8:50 a.m., a bicyclist traveling eastbound on Prospect Avenue at East 21st Street was hit and killed by the driver of a utility truck.

The accident occurred at the southwest corner of Prospect Avenue and East 21st Street. If you witnessed this accident, please call (216) 696-3232.

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