Dreams
Issue 579
EDITOR’S NOTE Dear Readers,
as your editor in chief, I warmly welcome you to issue 579 of Cub Magazine! Dreams are a deeply intimate topic… so it is only fair that I start by talking about mine. To me, dreams take on so many different forms.
During these unprecedented times from within our student community to around It can be the conversation I have with my the world, it is easy to succumb to our fears, flatmate every morning, as we compete to doubts, and nightmares. see who had the weirdest one. That’s why here at Cub, our writers have come together to share our hopes and methods of joy!
Or it can be a bite out of my best friend’s Persian love cake, that she’ll prepare for me with white chocolate, pistachios and rose water. It can even be falling in love with the many worlds that form my identity.
As you read through this magazine, you’ll find bravery splashed across every page.
Although, in light of the UCU strikes and this Bravery of describing wishes, challenging magazine’s theme, I speak for many QMUL stereotypes, revealing favourite pastimes, confronting worries, and applying kindness students when I express that: to the healing process of self-reflection. as much as I dream of an undisturbed education, I also dream of equal rights and So as summer rolls around, there will be an wages for my beloved teachers, regardless opportunity for more time on yourself. Seize it. Enjoy it. of their gender or skin colour.
Immerse yourself in your own dreams, but above all, try to find happiness in your own reality.
With Love, Randhi Weerasekara 1
3
11
TEAM REPRESENTATION
19
MUSIC
INKPOT
Daydreaming through my Disso
Meet the team!
21
5
PHOTOGRAPHY
BOOK CLUB Contemporary fiction inspired by Greek myths
Skipping Stones
12
LONDON My Ideal London
You Called it Purple and Green: A Lomochrome Purple Exibit
Dreaming of The Perfect Romance Novel
9
FEATURES
23 House of Dreams
15
A Psychedelic 60’s Dream
25
IDENTITY Glimpses of Ourselves
Peace, Not Wars
STYLE
UNISEX
17
MUSE Re-adjusting
Sexual or Sexless: Wishing for a Guilt Free Orgasm
CONTENTS 2
m e e t t h e t e a m
Tabitha Cranford
PR & Comms Manager
Zargul Zia
Shannon Francis
Head of Tech
Amelia Elamradi
Welfare Rep + Head of London
Finlay Hillman-Brown
Treasurer + Head of Photography
Nicole Winson
Head of Columns
Head of Book Club
Saif Ul Alim Ahmed
Head of Design
3
Genevieve Jones
Design & Tech Team
Josef Thompson
George Boulton
Head of Film
Head of Features
Amanda Perumal
Head of Identity
Adrianna Silva
Head of Inkpot
Head of Style
Head of Music
Head of Unisex
Head of Muse
Lydia Southwood
Jacques Desjonqueres
Beatrice Zanca
Rose Stewart
Devansh Sabharwal
Design & Tech Team
4
Albert Newton
Design & Tech Team
BOOK CLUB
Fantasising about an ancient time: Contemporary fiction inspired by Greek myths When asked for book recommendations everyone always has the same answer, Madeline Miller’s Song of Achilles. Once you have read Miller’s novel you then become a person who also recommends Songs of Achilles, and you begin to search for your next Hellenic read. So, look no further than this comprehensive guide to the best contemporary fiction inspired by Greek myths!
Miller’s feminist retelling of Circe’s background and life of exile is perhaps even more moving than Song of Achilles. I have difficulty in deciding which novel I prefer and have thus concluded that they are magical in their own ways. Song of Achilles is a powerful retelling of the Trojan war hero and his lover through a single narrative on the war and the story of fated lovers. Circe, on the other hand, has a more complex narrative with multiple myths entwined, changing the patriarchal discourse surrounding the witch. Miller’s fictional Achilles is recognisable in other retellings of Troy; however, her characterisation of Circe is new and original compared to traditional mythology.
This article is not exhaustive, nor are the recommendations particularly original, but they are verified by a lover of Greek mythology and by a reader who was devasted by Miller’s final page – if you know, you know. It is only natural that I begin by recommending Miller’s second novel Circe. Inspired by the witch who appears in Homer’s The Odyssey,
Illustrations by Albert Newton
5
BOOK CLUB
Look no further than Stephen Fry’s outstanding Greek series Mythos, Heroes, and Troy if you want to learn about the beginnings of mythology. These non-fictional accounts are the perfect companion to understanding the origins of the myths and the traditional accounts of every hero and event. I would also recommend the beautiful guide to mythology; The Greek and Roman Myths: A Guide to Classical Stories by Philip Matyszak. Between Matyszak and Fry, these companions to the fiction are excellent sources on the origins of the mythos.
threads of history running through them. Her narratives are constantly informed by a variety of myth retellings and variations, resulting in a lovely blend of diverse accounts from Ovid to Euripides. I particularly appreciate her portrayal of Helen of Troy, which offers depth to the world’s most beautiful woman. From one feminist retelling to another, my next fictional recommendation would be Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. Easily devourable in a single sitting, Ariadne retells the legend of the Minotaur, Theseus and Dionysus, again From one historian to another, Na- through a feminist lens, giving a voice talie Haynes has not only written two to the women of Greece. wonderful fictions, A Thousand Ships and The Children of Jocasta, she also My next read will be Haynes’s latest has a fantastic podcast Natalie Haynes anthology, Pandora’s Jar... Tabitha Stands Up for the Classics. Haynes’s commentaries always have wonderful
Cranford
6
BOOK CLUB
Dreaming of The Perfect Romance Novel Nicole Winson
For much of my teen years, I daydreamed each day, indulging in wandering fancies, living in a brown study, and building castles in the air. My mind became a romantic, and, for some time, it was nothing more and nothing less. I was young, inexperienced, and understood love and sexuality only through my starry-eyed imagination. Flash forward to now, and my fondness for romance hasn't dwindled. My dreams, whether they are my nighttime, day or aspirational ones, still without fail return back to my romantic heart, yet much of my fantasies now come from literature. Romantic literature takes up a large portion of my life; it is a significant part of my personality and is a major inspiration for most of my dreams. Many a day, I find myself dreaming of certain romance novels, envisioning their different tropes and writing my own fictitious narrative in my head. There is something about romance novels that make them so addictive, so utterly swoon-worthy and beautifully dream-like, and that is the fact that they aren't real.
7
BOOK CLUB
My dream romance novel has no correlation with my dream romantic relationship. What delights me in the fictional world is not what gives me pleasure in real-life. Don't get me wrong, there are elements of some love stories that I expect in my relationship, the healthy parts, but most of the time, my book taste is a polar opposite to my ideal companionship. Any keen reader of the romance genre will know how many offshoots and sub-genres there are. Some people prefer a fantasy romance, reading Sarah J. Mass, while others find sports romances the most pleasing, such as The Wall of Winnipeg by Mariana Zapata and one of my all-time favourites, the Off-Campus series by Elle Kennedy. There are paranormal romances, regency love stories, billionaire erotica; the list is endless. And once you've found your favourite sub-genre, you are welcomed into a world of romantic tropes. Some well-loved tropes include second chance romances, fake dating, forbidden romance and the legendary enemies to lovers. Whatever romance novel you choose to pick is a decision personal to you. My favourite sub-genres and tropes don't define what I look for in a significant other, nor does it work as a projection of what I wish for in my own life; it is solely what I find entertaining to read. Recently there has been a surge in people openly sharing their love for dark romances. These are romances that unsurprisingly focus on darker themes and need content warnings prior to reading. The mature adult content can explore anything from BDSM and role-playing to kidnapping and captivity. Examples include Still Beating by Jennifer Hartmann and the Made series by Danielle Lori, which is part of the increasingly popular realm of mafia romances. Again, these romances are fictitious pieces of literature. Those who choose to read them, or dream about them, do it because they enjoy reading them. It is not an example of real-life taste or standards, and it doesn't mean they agree with the actions in the book or wish for any of it to become their reality. Your literature-based dream can be your real-life nightmare.
Image - Thought Catalog on Unsplash
8
FEATURES
Peace, Not War:
Ukraine, and Hopes of a Future World without Conflict
George Boulton
We live in a world full of chaos and trouble marked by conflicts. Wars may be different today compared to centuries past, but they are no less devastating. We are reminded of how fragile peace is when we see “breaking news” bulletins about major wars, skirmishes and clashes. Ongoing military action—with no end in sight—make us all extremely anxious. We are living in a time that requires peace, not violence. What is happening in Ukraine? On 24th February 2022, Russia attacked Ukraine, starting the largest military action on European soil since the Second World War. Questioning Ukraine’s ahistory and right to statehood, Russian President Vladimir Putin broadcasted false propaganda that the state is run by “drug addicts and neo-Nazis” and is “committing genocide against Russian-speaking minorities”. Recognising Donetsk’s and Luhansk’s independence, he announced an “Anti-Terrorism Operation” to “de-nazify” Ukraine, launching an invasion from the North, East and South by land, air and sea. The four main theatres with major offensives are in Kyiv, the Northeast, the East and the South. Russian has since widened the assault with airstrikes targeting cities away from the main offensive like Lviv and Ivano-Frankivsk in Western Ukraine. From 2021-February 2022, Russia amassed a military build-up along its border and conducted joint military drills with Belarus on the Belarusian-Ukrainian border, leading to an international crisis between the West and Russia over fears of an invasion, with Russia accusing NATO of threatening its security through eastwards expansion. Despite Russia’s denial of plans to attack, Putin’s mobilisation of troops intensified existing tensions that began in February 2014 with the annexation of the Crimean Peninsula, located on the northern coast of the Black Sea. Russia seized Crimea following the Euromaidan Uprisings in Maidan Nezalezhnosti (Independence Square) and the Revolution of Dignity between November 2013-February 2014. The wave of demonstrations and deadly clashes between protestors and security forces in Kyiv were demanding the removal of the then pro-Russian Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych and his government from office. Illustrations by Saif UI Alim Ahmed
9
FEATURES These calls were based largely on his decision to forge closer ties with Russia and the Eurasian Economic Union rather than the EU. Pro-Russian unrest ensued with anti-government protests happening across Southern and Eastern Ukraine. Amidst this chaos and instability, Russia annexed the Peninsula, with Russian-backed separatists taking control over the predominantly Russian-speaking Donetsk and Luhansk Oblasts in the South-east, self-proclaiming them breakaway states. Since the Russo-Ukrainian War began, the West has become more united and reinvigorated. The US, UK, Canada and the EU have placed unprecedented financial sanctions on Russia with many brands and international companies halting business and pulling out of the country. These include McDonald’s, one of the first Western restaurants to open in the Soviet Union, Starbucks, Coca-Cola, Levi’s, Apple, and other luxury brands and goods. Oligarchs—like Chelsea FC’s owner Roman Abramovich—have been sanctioned, the EU has shut its airspace to Russia, Saint Petersburg will not host the 2022 Champions League final, and Russian and Belarusian athletes cannot compete under their flags. Yet Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has called for the West to go much further, urging them to toughen financial penalties, implement a no-fly zone and intervene. Due to Putin’s invasion, the rouble has crashed, Russia is at risk of debt default, and its economy is now forecast to shrink by around 15%. Ukraine’s economy is set to contract by 10% because of the war. As of the 13th March, more than 1.85 million Ukrainians are internally displaced persons. 2.7 million refugees have had to flee Ukraine, the majority going to neighbouring countries, resulting in the biggest humanitarian crisis in Europe since the 1990s Yugoslav Wars. More than 1.5 million have gone to Poland, 225,000 to Hungary, with others going to Slovakia, Romania and other EU countries, Moldova, Switzerland, Norway, and Russia. Many civilians have died and soldiers fighting on both sides have been killed in this unnecessary, bloody battle. Dreams of a peaceful future Current military combats around the world are deeply saddening and distressing. The best solution is to de-escalate offensives and make peace. When I picture a perfect world, I think of a place full of love and respect, not division and hate. Where we cherish and celebrate our differences, as our uniquenesses unite us. A world where we are all accepting of and kinder to one another. I want to live in a world where we understand each other and approach disputes in the right way: in a friendly, amicable way, without violence, where we want the best for other human beings. I dream of world peace, not bloodshed; I dream of love and justice, not hate and aggression. A world without destruction and devastation, where there isn’t warfare, hurt and death.
References: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-60555472.amp https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2022/mar/08/where-in-europe-are-ukraines-refugees-going https://amp.theguardian.com/global-development/2022/mar/11/we-must-welcome-them-how-europe-is-helpingukrainian-refugees https://www.theguardian.com/world/gallery/2022/mar/03/war-flee-safety-ukraine-russia-un-poland-hungary-slovakiamoldova-in-pictures
10
INKPOT
Skipping Stones Morgan Obermeyer Illustrations by Saif UI Alim Ahmed
My daytime eyes can’t find you But In dreams I see ripples A glassy pool plays my day in hazy surreality, memories moments in watercolour collage. The noodles I ate for lunch again, A trip to the post office, Humming something out of tune By the canal side Like the shore you taught me How to skip stones The perfect stone, rounded And smooth, Winks back At you Steady, low, loose wrists Send him soaring Skipping, One Two, Three And a distant splash, ripples Sinking, sleeping The game has ended You tell me that’s how we know It was real You tell me: count each skip
I’ve been collecting the perfect stones to share Smooth, time-soaked pebbles winking back, Remembering me Where your eyes can’t reach anymore This one saw my first flat in London This one heard me screaming along to that music you hated This one held my shaking hand as I begged for ease All wrapped tightly in a conscious palm, I lay Sinking, sleeping In dreams I see Ripples, the pool at my feet now, Calling me to count each skip So find me in dreams by still water remembering,
11
LONDON I believe most people have an idealised version of their city in the back of their mind: a version where we could change whatever we wish to. I still enjoy being in London, despite having lived here my entire life. This place seems to evolve and grow with me, always alive with many different cultures and neighbourhoods, and yet every area is characteristically “London”. However as with every big city, there are multiple flaws and so there are hopes for a truly utopian metropolis. Here are mine: Could London be the new city that never sleeps? New York City is often cited as the city that never sleeps, but what’s stopping London, another global hub, from being a 24/7 city? Most cafes shut their doors by 5pm, restaurants tend to close around 10-11pm, leaving clubs and fried chicken shops as the only options after 11pm. Imagine you just finished work or studies at 9pm, but you don’t want the day to be over yet. You don’t want to go clubbing, but perhaps you’d love to enjoy some Korean BBQ or tacos with friends, or even enjoy a museum exhibition at night? In my dream London, you could! What if you could walk around London without fear? It’s widely known that crime, including theft and stabbings, is a prevalent issue in London. Contrastingly, there are other capital cities in Europe which are safer, which we should aspire towards. I’d wish for more police patrols, the night tube available every day and more-well lit residential areas. Perhaps better investment into services that help those who may be tempted into violence and crime may eliminate the root of the issue. It’s a difficult, long process to reduce crime rates in such a large city but I hope that Londoners will fight for a safer city and expect more from their politicians and police force.
Can you imagine a day out in London not draining your bank account? It’s no surprise that living in London is expensive. It’s truly doom-inducing that rent for even a small, single bedroom flat is so expensive. It seems that Londoners without a higher than average salary are forced to either rent with a partner or friends for years, or buy a house out in the suburbs or commuter towns. On top of the costly rent, checking your bank account is a must-do before a day out in London, at least for us students. There definitely are budget-friendly options for shops and restaurants, but these places seem to be dying out as companies realise they can charge 200% more if they make their food or product “aesthetic”. I can’t deny, I do love a pretty-looking plate of food from time to time, but it adds up!
Why should we accept a city as it is when we, the people, make it what it is? A city is a skeleton without its many residents. London is a city of history, culture and opportunity, so as Londoners let’s make history, join cultures and take every opportunity to make our dreams for London come true.
Amelia Elamradi
Image by Pietro De Grande on Unsplash
12
ondon My Ideal L
What if the city centre wasn’t a crowded mass of bodies? If you’ve ever walked in Soho or Oxford Street during the weekend, you‘ve probably had to squish between never-ending crowds of people, or even step off onto the road to try and quickly make your way along the pavement. London is a city of 9 million people, and it is likely to continue growing, so why not try to make it feel less like 2 million of those people are in the same street as you on Friday evening? If central areas in London were pedestrianised, this would make the centre less polluted, more walkable and more spacious.
LONDON
by Ella Duggan Have you ever wanted to create a new world for yourself? A way to escape the ever-growing scary reality of the outside world and instead create something so mad it usually only exists in dreams? Well that’s exactly what artist Stephen Wright has done to his own house...
In 1998, artist Stephen Wright began the journey of turning his home in East Dulwich into ‘The House of Dreams’. Leading up to the creation of the museum Wright had become disillusioned with the design world to which he once belonged and instead began a fascination with outsider art that shaped the rest of his career. Outsider art refers usually to the art practices of untrained artists. Although Wright himself trained at Liverpool Polytechnic he says on his website,‘ I am influenced by the spirit and freedom of outsider art’, as clearly seen in the beautiful chaos of his house.The museum is made up of five spaces including the garden,
with more spaces soon to open. Each room is coated from floor to ceiling, with every surface featuring something more abstract than the last. Some notable pieces include; The Dented Faced Doll, Teeth Moulds and Glasses, Siamese Twins, Ponytail and many more. The spaces are made up of self-made sculptures and mostly what Wright refers to as ‘found objects’, often coming from Mexico, Haiti, France and India. Some of these objects include any gifts left behind by the visitors of the museum, which the curator is always welcome to accept as it is his curiosity behind the meanings and stories of such objects that appears to spark the joys of this exhibit.
13
LONDON
Much of the house is inspired by Wright’s travels and artistic influences that come from abroad. In particular, Mexican culture and outsider art seem to play a large role in Wright’s vision. This can be seen throughout; a section entitled Mexico features two little doll heads and a plastic Virgin Mary water bottle, both of which Wright collected himself at markets in Oaxaca and Mexico City. The garden also reminds me of the internet famous The Island of Dolls near Mexico City due to the vast amount of slightly unnerving strung up dolls that decorate the walls, so take this as a warning to those who find movies like Annabelle particularly nightmare inducing.
Jones’s life, as well as within half an hour of his passing. It is this combination of dreamlike playfulness and weirdness with the emotional reality of life that makes The House of Dreams a truly thought-provoking attraction. Although Wright has referred to it in an interview with ITV News as a ‘Diary of my life’, I believe audiences are able to get out of it what they give to it, with their own life experiences altering how they view the space, much like how we view our dreams. The museum, being that it is still actually Stephen Wright’s functioning home, is only open on select dates. You can book for those dates on The House of Dreams website and thankfully they offer student tickets, so you can enjoy the wonderful madness of outsider art dreams for a mere £7.
Amongst the madness and dreamy nature of all the colours and faces in the house are also some very touching moments of reflection, courtesy of the artist’s own memory boards which recall important events from Wright’s life. One I found particularly heartbreaking is entitled The Final Moments of Donald Jones. Jones was the partner of Wright at the time when the House of Dreams was born. The piece consists of a handwritten ‘memory board’ detailing the final moments of Donald
Images by Stephen Wright on stephenwrightartist.com
14
IDENTITY
GLIMPSES OF OUR SELVES HOW DREAMS SHAPE OUR REALITY BY NEVE ELIZABETH Image by Lucas Gouvêa on Unsplash
How do dreams impact our lives? What do they mean? These questions have been pondered for centuries, ages even. Ancient civilizations, the Greeks, Vikings, Egyptians- they all believed in dreams being divine gifts and messages from the Gods. But over time, why has the technicality of science dominated the once romantic vision of dreams? This question is almost just as complex. Dreams offer us opportunities to turn inwards, reflect on certain situations, our inner feelings and subconscious. In the spiritual world, it is strongly believed that dreams are signs for us to interpret, to guide us on the journey of life. Despite most of our dreams being absurd and spectacularly nonsensical, if you look deeper, beyond the surface, you will be able to decipher things that can change the course of your path. While we are awake, we tend to get too distracted to not fully comprehend the signs screaming in our faces. But when we remove
15
the distractions, and drift beyond our physical surroundings, things align in our minds and we can easily connect the dots. One personal experience of mine happened quite recently, but also months ago. Sitting in my Uni flat with a friend, I suddenly got a surge of De Ja Vu wash over me, so overwhelmingly it made me question everything right there in that situation. Why did I get the feeling like I’ve done this before? Some people believe it’s a sign that you’re in the right place in your life, but depending on the situation others believe it’s a warning. As humans, we tend to live by the socially constructed mantras in our heads, more so than trusting our intuition or our gut feeling. There’s a reason for our stomach’s being the ‘second brain’ of the body. This phenomenon stopped me in my tracks, made me reflect on certain things, and finally clarity washes over me. This being said, these days most believe it’s just an odd feeling we get
IDENTITY as humans. So how has our culture over time changed our views on dreams? The Romantics in particular were deeply criticized for their brilliant imagination during the Revolution of the 18th century. Poets like Blake, philosophers like Rosseau, all fueled the fight against social confinement, and faced aggressive retaliation from those who saw imagination, dreams, threatening. Why do you think Buddhism, one of the oldest religious practices to date, has taken so long to make its place in the Western world? Long story short, due to it allowing ourselves to break free from the chains we live in, crucially tying us to our social obligations through fear. The same people who ‘reward’ us violate us. Sovereigns? State leaders? Their aim is to profit from our fears, so they remind us to be scared of not conforming to the lower standards we are expected to live in. You want to change the world? Travel to your hearts desires, live independently? That’s absurd. You’ll never make it in life unless you’re one of the millions of cogs in the social hierarchy machine. Or so they tell us.
The basis of Buddhism, or spirituality, is to be deeply grateful for the things we have that are seen as ‘small’ or ‘insignificant’. When we flip our pessimism on its back and start to appreciate small details, our longing for more extravagant things, often materialistic things, dissipate, along with that extra wealth the rich tend to exploit us for. When we romanticize our lives, live how we want to, being truly content with ourselves, who would get plastic surgery? Who would buy that expensive health product to make their hair shinier? Who would be in rehab centres, relying on others to get their life on track? You start to question everything, which is everything they don’t want us doing. Or perhaps dreams are simply something we experience as humans, our subconscious fantasies playing in our heads to entertain us while we sleep. But after the questions start to be asked, the belief that we are more than our physical being starts to resonate in us. So next time you dream something incredibly unrealistic, ask yourself what it could mean for you. It could alter the course of your life.
Dreams unlock the parts of ourselves that we’re too distracted to pay attention to. How many people do you know who have dreamt of falling? Nearly everyone, I bet. Psychological research concludes this as a fear of being out of control not being dealt with in our physical reality, in any aspect of life. There’s so much depth to dreams and their meanings it’s ridiculous we don’t hear more about it. But if we learned to harness the knowledge within ourselves, our independence from profiting institutions threatens the only thing seen as important to a successfully functioning nation- money.
16
MUSE
Re-adjusting A Self-Reflection piece by Emily Clements
To possess dreams is a natural part of every human life. Most of us will remember as children being asked: ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ or maybe as we entered our early teenage years, ‘what is your dream job?’. Dreams are an integral part of the language we use in discussing our future plans. But they are also inexorably linked to our own personal wants and desires. Do we dream of love? Of financial stability? Of travelling the world?
Dreams had a huge impact upon my formative years, shaping my own personal identity and defining the person I thought I was going to become. Of course, like any other self-respecting five-year-old, I dreamed of being a princess. By the age of twelve I was dreaming of becoming a singer. All harmless, fanciful dreams for a life as yet unwritten. But by my fifteenth birthday my dreams had become vessels of self-sabotage; things I truly believed I wanted from life. It really seemed that the heteronormative dream of being a childhood sweetheart, graduating from university and settling down into a job and domesticity was going to be it for me. Compared to my friends these were very mature dreams - and I sat back and watched as their dreams revolved around who they would get off with at next week’s party, or which festival they would go to that summer. At seventeen, I took solace in the maturity of my dreams, thinking they would stand me in good stead as I prepared to cross the threshold into adulthood. 17
MUSE
No one ever truly knows how great an impact having your dreams intertwined with another’s can have on your life, until you remove yourself from that situation. For me at least, university was the first step in beginning to formulate my own dreams for the first time as a young adult. Moving out of a suffocatingly small hometown into one of the most vibrant, diverse cities in Europe exposes you to the cold hard truth that, actually, there is a great deal more to life than the sheltered existence of childhood. As someone who was thriving in my new life at university, having my dreams still intertwined with another who struggled to adapt to a life outside our hometown began to hold me back. Was it then I realised my dreams hadn’t changed or developed in years? Probably - but I made my excuses for it. The onset of the pandemic, and being forced to move back home, made it all the more easier to sit comfortably on my decision to pursue the same dreams I’d been clutching onto for four years. It wasn’t until the restrictions and second lockdown of Autumn 2020, when living away from home, the stubborn desperation to cling onto the dreams of my fifteenyear-old self began to destroy me. I was lying to myself about where I wanted my life to go, my sexuality, even what music I liked. I was too afraid to let go of the dreams I’d held for so long. I was too afraid of change, of the future and abandonment by friends, both old and new, if I embraced these new dreams. By New Year 2021, the country was plunged into its third lockdown yet I had never felt more free. For the first time as a young woman, I was free to explore my sexuality, explore new dreams for life after university, even to realise the rather trivial dream of having a fringe (an EXCELLENT decision). Yet this is not to say that, although lockdown had motivated this re-evaluation of my dreams, I was prepared for the ramifications of such personal changes. The lifting of restrictions and return to normality as we entered our third year triggered a massive breakdown. I became someone who I’d never dreamed of being and my self-sabotaging behaviour hurt the very people who had helped build me up. With the help of therapy, and some amazing people who I consider my family and who supported me through both the good and the bad, I learned to healthily embrace my new dreams. I learned to accept that both dreams, and people, change. I lost touch with those who couldn’t accept these changes. I learned to love without intertwining my dreams with another’s. I’m still learning to love the woman I have become and I’m hoping that, as I grow and my dreams change again, I will still love her. Maybe one day I’ll be able to look back on that headstrong fifteen-year-old and love her too, for her determination and tenacity in following her dreams. But for now, I am so glad she is gone. Image by Javardh on Unsplash 18
MUSIC A good deal of my life nowadays has a soundtrack. If you were to take the music away from your favourite film, would it still be the same? It may seem unrealistic to imagine the same in real life, however if I am relaxing in my flat, taking the tube or working on the endless essays of my third year at uni, I am listening to music. It provides flavour and energy to the dullest moments and accents the hours upon hours of reading. Music is therefore essential to me, and I am sure to others, so I was motivated to enquire of my friends some album recommendations to help me in my musical daydreaming. The following reviews are of albums listened to in their entirety whilst I have been going about my usual life. Hopefully it inspires you to also ask for recommendations from friends, to learn more about their interests, or at least appreciate the hard work music does for us every day, acting in the background.
through my dissertation
a series of album reviews by Jack Alexander
To start us off, we have ‘Sun Leads Me On’ by Half Moon Run, a Canadian indie band recommended to me by my friend Mimi. This album is exactly what I wanted from this endeavour, full of peaks and valleys of energy, it is perfect for both absent minded listening whilst having enough to keep you interested. An emotive album characterised by long vocals overlapping instrumental flourishes. It has a well-crafted rustic feel to it. What is most striking is the range of themes present in the album. The title track ‘Sun Leads me on’, is a prayer ballad, full of wistful emotion, whilst the very next song, It works itself out, evolves into an energetic ride along complete with synth elements. The best way I can describe it is Bob Dylan meets Radiohead. Whilst this does at times take away from the harmonious feel of a fully themed album, I see it as giving you a wider range of emotional experiences. Perfect for the would-be daydreamer! Overall, I would recommend this album, it feels like moving along a river and witnessing the changing scenery drifting past, fitting coming from Mimi and her love of the water. Oh, and the best song is ‘Consider yourself’, love the mounting energy in that track. I listened to SICK! by American rapper Earl Sweatshirt, many many times. A short hip hop album, lasting around 24 minutes, it uses every second of it to create a rich and genuinely engaging experience. Recommended by my friend Sylvie, this album is smooth. Each lyric feels well placed and its use of samples add to the story it creates in the short time it has to grace your ears. Its opening track ‘Old Friend’ acts like a mental reset, vocals flow in along with a rising repeating string, a lyrical palette cleanser. It ends with sounds of thunder, heralding the coming storm coming your way. This album feels like it has agency, it is chaotic, but not to the point of excess. The rhythm of the flow is percussion in itself, riding above the chaos to hold your attention throughout. An example is the track ‘Vision’, a mix of lofi beats and trap. Opening with a grainy sample and haunted by a running piano, it moves into moody trap and it works so well. My favourite track is ‘Tabula Rasa’ (feat. Armand Hammer), the clean mixing weaves the lyrics through the piano and slow drums to memorable effect.
19
MUSIC
This one was meant to be a lightning round, so fitting for this next album, ‘Bizarro’ by The Wedding Present, an English indie rock group from the 80s. I say fitting as the whole album is best summed up as ‘guitars played blindingly fast’. However, I underestimated the hypnotic hold it would have on my conscience when writing this review. Compared to the other albums, this one is passive in a way that tells you to sit down, shut up and enjoy the ride. The track ‘No’ is an exception, well not an exception, it still has guitars, just a tad slower than the breakneck speed of the rest of the album and features melodic vocals of the so 80s romantic bitter outburst. Because of this theme it falls into the trap of having a similar sound that keeps you underwater without giving you time to breathe. It is lovingly 80s, and will push you through any long-winded writing session, however it lacks the varied flourishes of the other albums in this review. My favourite track is ‘Take Me’, a fitting name for a song that never lets you go. Nine minutes long of blinding guitar rhythms, dipping in places, but never faltering, is a musical experience just for the overall energy required to keep pace. Perfect for a frenzied writing session, thanks Hickford for the recommendation and doubling my words per minute. We finish with the melancholy sound of ‘For Emma, Forever Ago’ by Bon Iver. This is my friend Martine’s choice album to relax to, and I can see why. The whole album is an emotion. Complex wordplay and similes make you miss memories you’ve never had, but it is the effect of the melody that steals the show. It all culminates in a closeness you feel with the singer Justin Vernon, such as in Lump Sum where his voice is a haunting chorus. You can’t help but tap your feet to the folkiness or bow your head in respect to the feeling. My favourite song and the one that has lyrically the most to say is ‘The Wolves’ (Act I and II). The repeating guitar strings are lamenting, overlaid with denser vocals and percussion compared to the rest of the album. It all ends in a cathartic breakdown of mounting drums, before dissolving into the same words as the beginning of the track, encapsulating the singer’s futile expression of anger. As you can see this one is really easy to get lost in, apologies to my uni work. So ends this limited exercise of musical appreciation. I am thankful for my friends who recommended these albums and for helping in a small way to distract me from the realities of 3rd year life. I hope it has inspired you to do the same. Music is a wave of feeling. Something you can ride on when you need motivation and intensity, or dive into, daydreaming submerged beneath its calming waters.
20
PHOTOGRAPHY
You Called it Purple and Green
Using lomochrome purple to create photos that feel as though they are from an altered state of being
Finlay Hillman-Brown
How to capture an image that does not exist alongside our waking selves? It is the disconnect from the real world that makes dreaming so precious, a world shaped by our resting conscience, free to abstract itself from the strict rigour of our waking hours. Giving an image a dreamy, ethereal quality is a goal that has emerged in the mainstream alongside the revitalisation of film and wider acceptance of adapting vintage lenses to use on modern cameras. Perhaps this comes as a kickback to manufacturers attempts to achieve optical perfection, levels of inhuman sharpness and perfect tonality that seem as cold and mechanical as the modern world around us. But how best to translate sleeping whimsy to awakened image? Equipment and technique each have a part to play. Vintage lenses lack the modern coatings and multi-element designs that give modern glass it’s sharpness and true-to-life colours, instead imparting softness and low contrast that blunts the harsh edge of reality. Similar effects can be created with the increasingly popular pro-mist filters. However, vintage lenses can bring other desirable characteristics. One example is the famous Helios 44, which has beautifully swirly bokeh wide open, giving incredible separation to portraits and further removing the resultant image from reality.
21
PHOTOGRAPHY With slow shutter speeds we can blur motion, creating indistinct and ghostly images. Coupled with some of the equipment mentioned and a handy liminal space in which to shoot, we can bring artistic qualities to an unexciting scene. A person standing in a corridor is boring. A ghostly figure moving down a hotel corridor, their flickering outlines shifting against the art-deco décor is unnerving and crosses the boundaries of what feels real. I have found Wes Anderson’s style of filmography inspirational for this stylistic approach. His use of pastels, symmetry, and square-on angles imbues a similar feeling that what you are seeing is not quite real, and while this formalism is meant to invoke a vintage flair, this does not preclude the style from invoking dreamlike qualities. After the photoshoot for style’s exploration of psychedelic 60’s fashion, I took the remainder of my roll of Lomochrome purple to create some dreamlike images. On Brighton beach and in my local woods I composed within near-liminal spaces, aiming to reach a space that felt as though it inhabited the fringes of reality. Coupled with the film stock’s dramatic colour shifts, we can infringe on the perception of our subconscious minds.
22
STYLE
ch PsBy Y L Y DIA e e SOU h TH d WO T
f o
l eD
drea c m i
O
e 19 6 0 th ’ s
T
he decade of the 1960’s is often associated with dreams. It was a time of civil rights movements, advances in science, and a popular culture revolution. The dream many young people held onto was one of hope and change. This is what inspired a wave of social and political movements, fighting to end war and promote peace. At its climax, 1967s ‘Summer of Love’ convinced these people that change was just around the corner. But by
1969, this dream came crashing down. Just as the cultural wave was influenced by and reflected in the music of the time, fashion was equally as instrumental in shaping the course of history. These dreams of hope and transformation were materialised in the clothes worn by the people dreaming. It was a reaction to and against the order of the early 1960’s, and created a youth counterculture centred
23
STYLE sible to London’s youth, creating a new hip, youthful scene in the nation’s capital. These clothing choices were a rejection of the early 60’s clean cuts and teddy boy looks, adding to the growth of the teenage rebellion idea that dominated the decade.
It’s no secret that psychedelics had a significant impact on the fashion of the late 60’s. Bright colours and eye dazzling patterns demanded the sensory attention of surrounding peers, as well enhancing the experience of the wearers. This engagement made psychedelic inspired fashion buzz with communal participation. The community, brought together via these visual stimulants of bright clothing, were sharing ideas of defiance and pushing boundaries. But as well as engaging, these ‘hippies’ were simultaneously disconnecting.
“Tune in, turn on, and drop off” as popularised by Timothy Leary, was the mantra of 1967’s ‘Summer of Love’. It encourages participants to connect with one another, whilst detaching from the outside world. All that mattered was what was going on right there and then. Concerns and passions about politics, war and social justice remained, but were channelled through a new kind of resistance. Ultimately then, the fashion of this era was an important means of expression.
The clothes of these boutiques were not only bold, brash and colourful. Some boutiques, including The Beatles’ Apple shop, popularised a mediaeval revival. These clothes adopted the style of mediaeval women’s clothing, with high regency-style waste-lines and bell sleeves. Rich, royal colours of purples and greens with gold trimmings were popular, reflecting the colours worn in royal mediaeval courts. This return to the style of ages past reflected part of the 60’s dream underlying the whole counterculture; a desire for a peaceful life. Overall, the rebellious and alternative nature of psychedelic fashion meant it furthered the counterculture’s popularity, as well as its message. There was a dream behind all of this; one of peace and love, but also an appetite for a fundamental change in social order.
But it was not just in San Francisco, where the Summer of Love mainly took place, that psychedelic fashion was popular. London became the home to various boutiques, offering its residents a range of psychedelic inspired wear. The Apple store (founded by The Beatles themselves), Biba, and Granny Takes a Trip all contributed to a new counterculture this side of the pond in London. These shops made psychedelic fashion acces24
Photography by FInlay Hillman-Brown
around freedom, heavy hedonism and psychedelics.
UNISEX
Image by Pat Whelen on Unsplash
Image by Ivan Stern on Unsplash
I used to be terrified of sex. No one really taught me about sex, being safe with sex, getting contraception, understanding consent and your desires. Which considering my first encounters with sex was me being sexually assaulted numerous times, I always thought of sex as horrible and an obligation. I always felt ashamed of myself, and by the time I came to university, I was so damaged from being assaulted that my way of empowering myself was to start open conversations about sex. By not being ‘sexual’ I was locking myself up and hiding from the thing I was most afraid of.
what I have to say, and it is usually discussing the topic of sex dreams.
Yet, I came to find out that due to my openness everyone assumed that I had slept with loads of people, which shocked me, because I had not, and even if I had there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. I was confused as to why I was being shamed, especially considering it was something that just was not true in my case. So, I came to the conclusion that unfortunately as a woman, being a sexual being was going to be a label I would never shake, not only due to the patriarchal standards, but the moment I engaged with the topic, that’s all I would ever be.
They happen to all of us. Sometimes they can be super intense, and other times they can just be a thought or two.
I have had my fair share of being called ‘super sexual’ all the time. When actually I just say what I feel about sex. Not inappropriately or out of context, but if I speak to a guy or a girl and they talk about their sexual fantasies, I respond with mine. Typically, its the male response that results in shock from
25
Sex dreams are probably one of the most inappropriate conversations you can have as a woman. Not because they should be but because ‘laddish’ culture suggests it’s a conversation for ‘the boys’ about their wet dreams and fantasies. For women, it leads back to even being told we are possessed for having any sort of sex drive.
Sex dreams, believe it or not, are not sexist.
Now, I understand sex a lot better, and I can confidently say I like sex. That does not mean I ‘sleep around’ or that I’m a ‘freak’. It means I have managed to confront my own oppositions to sex and my own fears, as well as free myself from this part of the patriarchy. I don’t ever want to fear sex again, or fear being labelled because of one of the most natural human interactions ever. So, I am dreaming of the day I can have a guilt free orgasm, aren’t you?
UNISEX
Wishing for a guiltfree orgasm Image by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash
AN ARTICLE BY ROSE STEWART
Being a woman, the idea of having any sexual thoughts, desires or even kinks is considered deviant without fail. Despite a massive move towards women’s empowerment in their sexuality, the mentioning of anything about sex means you ‘sleep around’ or ‘you’re easy’. On the other hand, if you fail to mention sex at all, you end up labelled as the opposite, and sometimes even being told ‘do you think you’re better than everyone else’ just because you do not want to have sex. It has always confused me. Why is the very human and natural act of having sex so criminal? Everyone (mostly) has sex!
26
Cover Illustration by Saif Ul Alim Ahmed
CUB MAGAZINE Copyright © 2022 QMUL
Contact us at: editorcub@gmail.com
