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Skinny
Bitch Lisa Lampanelli is hot and bothered!
ON THE COVER: Photo by Anthony Coppa
features 10 High and Mighty CULTURE sits down with the four most influential cannabis-growers.
12 The Weisser Way Getting AZ to go green.
14 Dead Like Me Misfits’ legendary rocker Doyle opens up to CULTURE.
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departments 6 Letter from the Editor Progress is on the horizon; look up.
8 News Nuggets Cannabis makes headlines here, there, everywhere— and we give you the scoop—PLUS our latest By the Numbers.
22 Destination Unknown Vietnam’s Central Highlands—the anti-tourist dream vacay.
23 Profiles in Courage Our latest feature provides insight into the life—and struggle—of a medical cannabis patient.
24 Cool Stuff From ColorVue Crazy Lens contacts to Vape Axis Vape Pen, if it’s a cutting-edge product or cool lifestyle gear, we’re all over it.
26 Recipes It’s time to snuggle up with some hearty autumn eats and some warm tasty treats.
28 Entertainment Reviews The latest films, books, music and more that define our culture.
29 News of the Weird Yeah, these news tidbits are weird as hell—and absolutely true.
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GET YOUR CLICK HERE
letter from the editor
www.iReadCulture.com
Vol 5 IssUE 4
CULTURE Publisher
Jeremy Zachary
Editor-In-Chief
Look Up Finding peace in the harvest season “I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream…” –Vincent Van Gogh Looking up at the Harvest Moon, we are reminded of our delicate humanity and natural lives on this planet. It is the season for harvesting, and for reaping the rewards of a fruitful summer. Let this month inspire you to revel in all you’ve done since the last Harvest Moon. Take in all the accomplishments you’ve done, all the growth you have had. Now, take a deep breath and feel satisfied by all this. You deserve it. As a community, we deserve to feel pride—just look at the headway we’ve made over this last summer season. The federal government is growing, getting smarter and more considerate, in regards to our rights for natural relief with cannabis. Larger groups of conservatives are joining the—once thought of as edgy—fight for our freedoms, and the world as a whole is starting to see the cannabis reforms as a beneficial and stimulating action for our society and economy. In the days of alcohol prohibition, back in the early 1900s, the issue was a hotly debated topic, and went back and forth with the government and the citizens for over ten years. The lack of a solid popular consensus for the alcohol ban resulted in the growth of many criminal organizations, including mobs, gangs and mafias. Because of the disapproval by many, of this prohibition, disregard for laws went widespread, and created a chasm between the government, law officials and the citizens. Alcohol prohibition didn’t last long. We are at a crossroads now, with cannabis prohibition, and the solutions are naturally taking shape right before our eyes. In the depth of this recession, republicans, democrats and independents are all starting to come forward in seeing cannabis legalization as a saving grace for our economy, our health and our national community. There will be setbacks and injustices, but they are making us stronger as a community. With everyone’s efforts together, we’ll be all the better for them. Take a moment to look up at that harvest moon, and feel the progress we’ve made. It is nearly time to bask in its glow and be thankful, as we see the fruits of our labor taking shape. c
Sincerely, Evan A. Senn
Editor-In-Chief
Evan Senn
Arts & Entertainment Editor Ashley Bennett
Editorial Contributors
Dennis Argenzia, Omar Aziz, Jake Browne, David Burton, Michael Carlos, Grace Cayosa, Jasen T. Davis, Alex Distefano, David Downs, Carolina Duque, Charmie Gholson, Michael Gifford, James P. Gray, Lillian Isley, David Jenison, Liquid Todd, Kevin Longrie, Meital Manzuri, Sandra Moriarty, Damian Nassiri, Keller O’Malley, Denise Pollicella, Paul Rogers, Joy Shannon, Lanny Swerdlow, Arrissia Owen, Simon Weedn
Photographers
Steve Baker, Kristopher Christensen, Eric Fowler, John Gilhooley, Amanda Holguin, Seneca Knight, Khai Le, David Elliot Lewis, Kim Sidwell
Interns
Dulce Balandran, Kim Johnson, Derek Obregon
Art Director
Steven Myrdahl
Graphic Designers
Vidal Diaz, Tommy LaFleur
Director of Sales & Marketing Jim Saunders
Office Manager Iris Norsworthy
Office Assistant Jamie Solis
Social Media Manager Jamie Solis
Account Executives
Jon Bookatz, Gene Gorelik, Justin Marsh, Beau Odom, John Parker, Dave Ruiz, Paulina Porter-Tapia, Kim Cook, April Tygart
IT Manager
Serg Muratov
Distribution Manager Cruz Bobadilla
Culture® Magazine is published every month and distributes 20,000 papers at over 400 locations throughout Arizona. No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other matter within may be reproduced without written permission. Culture® Magazine is a registered trademark of Southland Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. 2175 Sampson Ave. | Suite 118 Corona | California | 92879 Phone 888.694.2046 | Fax 888.694.2046 www.iReadCulture.com
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brain and is often the cause of epilepsy). He’s also the state’s newest minor with a doctor approved MMJ card. He had his first seizure at nine months of age and continues to have them on a weekly basis. These episodes range from a mere twitching of the eye to Arizona in the running stiffening of the body and as a as first state to qualify result, lack of breathing. Along depression as a condition with autism, young Zander’s treatable by cannabis speech is extremly limited. His The Arizona Department of Health parents have tried a variety of Services (AZDHS) is currently treatments ranging from various reviewing a petition to add medications, two brain surgeries migraines, post-traumatic stress and even shock therapy—none disorder and depression to the have been successful. However list of conditions that qualify Zander’s parents have finally for medicinal cannabis use. In decided to give cannabis a try by an interview with Modern Times treating their son with cannabidol Magazine, director of the AZDHS, oil (CBD). This increasingly Will Humble, stated, “The review popular chemical has been process includes consulting with licensed in 22 other countries as medical professionals—including a safe treatment for patients with the University of Arizona College multiple sclerosis spasms. of Public Health—and the review of scientific studies on the impact of cannabis on those conditions. All these conditions have already been through the review process in previous petitions but we’ve New Jersey State Senate asked the University of Arizona amends aspects of medical Department of Public Health to cannabis law look for any new literature that The New Jersey State Senate has been published on these amended New Jersey governor topics since the previous review.” Chris Christie’s recently vetoed A public hearing will be held Oct. medical cannabis law, according 29 at the State Lab located in the to The Tampa Tribune. The Arizona Department of Health amended law now allows Services. The AZ health services medical cannabis to be given to are allotted one year to come to a conclusion on an appeal—they have until January of 2014 to act on the petition.
THE STATE
THE NATION
sick children as well as allowing farmers to grow more than three strains of medical cannabis. In the case of children, a pediatrician and psychiatrist must sign to give medical cannabis to patients. Governor Christie released a statement saying he supports the medical cannabis measure to include children with serious illnesses. The current measure requires a child to see a minimum of three doctors before being prescribed medical cannabis. However once the measure is passed, a child must only see one doctor to get the prescription. Governor Christie also realized the importance that certain strains of medical cannabis can be more or less effective in treating symptoms for patients. Unfortunately, New Jersey still does not allow strains high in non-psychoactive cannabinoid (CBD) and low THC to be sold or purchased.
be made available for medical use, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. Medical cannabis is illegal in Utah, however May’s efforts have organized other like-minded parents to begin advocating for children suffering from epilepsy. May states that after years of being prescribed a number of prescription drugs, there are few options left for her child. She stumbled upon the cannabis trail through reading an article about Colorado’s famous child advocate, Charlotte, whose amazing progress after using cannabis has reduced her seizures from 300 a week to just one. The Epilepsy Association of Utah supports May’s push and notes the medical value of extracting cannabidiol from the cannabis plant for people with epilepsy. In the past, Utah’s legislative heads have consistently turned down any measure to legalize medical cannabis, saying that a lack of
Utah mom seeks cannabis for her son
Jennifer May is making headlines in Utah as she fights for the health and well-being of her 11-year-old son, who has a form of epilepsy called Dravet Syndrome. She is to be prescribed medical cannabis to help in the reduction of seizures. After attempting over 25 different treatments for her child, May is now fighting for legislation to allow cannabis to
Medical cannabis used to help stop seizures
Zander Welton is a five-year-old boy who suffers from cortial dysplasia (a genetic defect that disrupts cellular patterns in the 8 CULTURE • OCtober 2013
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credible research being a main reason. Currently, possession of less than an ounce of cannabis can incriminate a six month jail time and $1,000 fine. However pharmaceutical company GW is running tests on a cannabis strain that is high in cannabidiol (CBD) that can significantly help patients suffering from epilepsy.
THE WORLD Mexico City looking to end violence with cannabis legalization
Mexico City is currently debating legalizing medical cannabis through the creation of private clubs,
according to The Huffington Post. A three-day forum was held in the capital to discuss possible solutions to the region’s drug trafficking problem. Councilwoman Esthela Damian of the Democratic Revolution Party presented several proposals at the meeting, including an increase in the number of cannabis plants per person to three and the possibility of non-profit cannabis clubs. Even former President Vicente Fox cited the legalization of cannabis as a possible solution to end the violence. Councilman Vidal Llerenas, who is a participant in drafting the medical cannabis bill, also weighed in on the issue, praising Washington’s law that allows anyone 21 and over to own and use, as well as the recent progress in Uruguay. However, he feels that realistically, the bill “would be something like in the Netherlands where consumption and possession are not penalized.” It’s no secret that the Mexican government has faced harsh violence over recent years due to drug cartels. Councilwoman Damian however is arguing that with the proper registration and organization, private cannabis clubs are a feasible idea for the future of Mexico City.
by the numbers
7
The age, in years, of a Utah youth, whose mother is helping to launch a legislative initiative to legalize a liquid form of medical cannabis in Utah: 11 (Source: StandardExaminer)
1
About how much it costs an individual, in dollars, to get an Arizona MMJ card: 300 (Source: Phoenix New Times)
2
The ounces of usable cannabis a patient can possess every two weeks: 2.5 (Source: Arizona Daily Star)
8
The number of states that hope to have cannabis regulations to treat cannabis like alcohol by 2017: 10 (Source: Bangor Daily News)
5
The year that a vote to allow adults to use recreational cannabis is planned to be on the Arizona ballot: 2016 (Source: KJZZ)
6
The cost in dollars, for a tour through Jamaican cannabis farms, including samples: 50 (Source: The Associated Press)
12
The cost, in dollars, that Uruguay plans to sell legal cannabis—per gram—to compete with black market: 2.5 (Source: The Huffington Post)
13
The percent of Americans that had tried cannabis in 1985 vs. the percent of Americans have tried cannabis today: 33 vs. 38 (Source: The Huffington Post) The number, in years, it took for American attitudes about cannabis to zigzag from the paranoia of “Reefer Madness” to the excesses of Woodstock back to the hard line of “Just Say No:” 50 (Source: The Associated Press)
The amount of money, in millions, projected to be made from taxes and license revenues per year from medical cannabis: 43 (Source: CBS 5 Az)
The amount of money, in millions, projected to be made from state sales tax per year from medical cannabis: 36 (Source: CBS 5 Az)
The number of people that have been killed by overdosing on cannabis: 0 (Source: The Huffington Post)
14
3
4
11
9
The amount of CBD vs THC, in parts, that the liquid form of medical cannabis used for Dravet patients has: 15 to 1 (Source: Standard-Examiner)
10
The number of signatures required to get the Sensible BC Marijuana Decriminalization Referendum onto the ballot in September 2014: 400,000 (Source: cannabisculture.com)
Cannafest Prague 2013 We Americans are proud to see the vast improvement that our cannabis communities have experienced over the past year—and we like to show our strides to the world with annual conventions like Kush Expo and Hempfest. However nothing compares to the world’s largest, renowned, international cannabis trade show—Cannafest. In its 4th year, Cannafest takes place in beautiful Prague, in the Czech Republic. The event invites both cannabis fans as well as industry professionals to gather in support of the latest innovations and trends in the industry. A whopping 150 exhibitors hailing from 17 different countries will populate the Prague Exhibition Grounds, from the newest in fertilizing and cultivation to your favorite cannabis publications. Cannafest will also bring together leading cannabis celebrities such as Howard Marks (aka Mr. Nice) with a book signing, as well as lectures by Professor Lumír Hanuš and a medical cannabis expert Liana Held. Such a diverse event will be the perfect opportunity for industry’s leading media educators and legalization supporters (including CULTURE) to continue doing what they do best—spreading the word about cannabis, cannabis lifestyle and its many beneficial properties.
IF YOU GO
What: Cannafest Prague. When/Where: November 8-10. Incheba Expo Prague Holesovice, Areál Výstaviště 67, 170 00 Prague, Czech Republic. Info: Check out www. facebook.com/Cannafest or en.cannafest.cz for more info. october 2013 • CULTURE 9
FLASH
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Over the last few decades, growing cannabis as well as publishing cannabis books was more than illegal, it was a borderline revolutionary act—tantamount to creating the Anarchist Cookbook. But over the last 15 years, mainstream America has veered toward embracing cannabis cultivation’s visionaries. Below, CULTURE chats with some of the growing industry’s biggest names and revels in their innovation and determination.
DJ SHORT Celebrity grower DJ Short has made himself a household name with Blueberry and Flo, two iconic strains that have led to endless crosses including industry blockbuster Blue Dream. What was the first cannabis plant you grew? DJ Short: Seeded Hawaiian. I put a whole bud with probably 10 or 15 seeds in it in a little sprout dome that came in a box of breakfast cereal. They all just sort of sprouted and off they went. Didn’t know about budding, didn’t know about flowering, just grew these bigass plants. You said you gave away your trade secret Blueberry? DJ Short: Ya, and Flo. I open sourced it . . . In 1982, I knew the value of my seed collection. And I told my mother in the mid ‘80s, ‘Mom, I’m gonna be famous from this.’ Do people recognize you in the grocery store? DJ Short: Sometimes . . . I don’t promote me. I love being able to walk into a dispensary and have nobody know who I am.
DANNY DANKO Russia-born senior cultivation editor of High Times Danny Danko is the author of numerous bestselling books and host of the Free Cannabis podcast. Tell me about growing ganja in New York City for the last 18 years. Danko: Growing in a city like New York is not easy. You don’t want anyone to know what you’re doing because you’re basically prey to people who want to rob you. I mean you can have all the odor control in the world, but when it’s harvest time and you’re trimming five pounds of cannabis, it’s gonna smell, people are going to notice. So it’s difficult, but it wasn’t impossible. A lot of growers are worried about what legalization is going to do to the price of cannabis. Danko: I do think prohibition is doomed and I think the price of cannabis is going to plummet. It’s gonna cost pennies on the dollar, comparatively. We’ve already seen it in Colorado. And pretty soon it’ll be between $50 and $100 per ounce tops. How did you get the High Times gig? Danko: I started out just trying to get my foot in the door any way possible. I answered telephones and broke down boxes . . . When the cultivation reporter position opened up; it was a pretty natural fit.
The Blueberry strain is without a doubt one of the most popular cannabis hybrids available in seed form today. The history of the strain takes us back to the West Coast in the 1970s, where DJ Short was working on a multitude of exotic hybrids and growing experiments from places like Colombia, Panama, Mexico and Thailand. Short applied his talented green thumb to breeding and created new floral lines using three exotic plants he had discovered. Soon enough he established his two best known strains; namely Blueberry and Flo. Short created the Blueberry by crossing the earlier lines to Juicy Fruit/ Afghani plant hybrids. This means that there is a little of two sativa mothers in the Blueberry. Short, himself, explained that some traits were more accessible through the Purple Thai, while others could be found by further crossing the plant to the Juicy Fruit Thai hybrid. The Original Blueberry was bred towards an indica expression although a more sativa dominant plant was also worked on and later refined into what we today know as the Blueberry Sativa.
ED ROSENTHAL Ed Rosenthal was born in the Bronx, New York in 1944, and after starting High Times magazine with Tom Forcade in ‘74, became a household name as a cannabis cultivator/educator, releasing what many have called the cannabis growing bible, Ed Rosenthal’s Cannabis Growing Handbook. Looking back on your career, what do you attribute your success to? Rosenthal: There are several things. I like telling people what to do. I have a lot of tenacity. I was also too dumb to realize what dangerous situations I’ve put myself in all my life by being open and available. Other people might have thought about the riskreward ratio in a different way, and I don’t scare easily. And I think I just give good advice because people keep buying my books. Also, there hasn’t been a lot of real meaningful competition. All these other writers who wrote for High Times went on to bigger and better writing careers. I guess I was too dumb to get out of it. It seems like a real revolutionary act to author these books back then. Rosenthal: I was in the Yippies and we moved from the Vietnam War to drug laws. When did you first cultivate cannabis? Rosenthal: ‘66, something like that. I lived in a big old apartment in New York that was limited to 320 watts. We were actually smoking leaves all the time. How does it feel to have been right all these years? Rosenthal: It’s not just me and it’s not just this issue. Everything the hippies stood for—issues of war and peace, the environment, food, civil rights—is coming to pass whether people like it or not. That’s the way it is.
JORGE CERVANTES George Van Patten “Jorge Cervantes” was born in Ontario, Oregon in 1953. His early love of plants led to a career as a cannabis grower and writer wherein he covered cultivation for High Times for 10 years and wrote what many consider the growing bible, Marijuana Horticulture: The Indoor/Outdoor Medical Grower’s Bible, which has been translated into six languages. You were a newspaper boy, and then a photographer and press operator, how did exposure to the media world affect your life? Cervantes: It helped immensely in my career because I understood how everything worked. I started self-publishing right at the beginning of the desktop publishing revolution. What was your first exposure to cannabis? Cervantes: Probably the movie Easy Rider when they all got stoned one night. My friend and I bought an ounce of Mexican dirt cannabis and four of us went in my car and we smoked it in my dad’s tobacco pipe. When did you first plant cannabis? Cervantes: In Mexico in ‘76. I just grew a little bit outdoors. It was no big deal then. Nobody cared so much. How does it feel to have been right about legalization? Cervantes: Vindicating. 100 percent. I had family members feel sorry for me and call me a criminal, that was the worst feeling. Now it’s much better and I’ve seen people back up and pretend they didn’t think that. What three traits were essential to your success? Cervantes: Always be true to yourself. Always. Trust yourself. Don’t give up. No matter what anybody says, they’re not talking about you, they’re talking about themselves. And work hard, because that’s the way it is. You get very little in the world because of luck.
october 2013 • CULTURE 11 OCTOBER
BUZZ Paving the Way for
a Green Arizona
Mikel Weisser gets down to what really matters, with CULTURE By David Jenison
“As a former school teacher who grew up on the border, my top three issues are immigration, education and cannabis reform,” says Mikel Weisser, a Democratic primary candidate for Arizona’s 4th Congressional district. Covering the western third of the state, the rural district is currently represented by Tea Party favorite Paul Gosar. While it is a tremendous challenge to unseat a Republican incumbent in a right-wing district, Weisser sees the campaign process as a chance to discuss progressive ideas in a district that rarely hears them. “My role as a democratic organizer in western Arizona helps in the primary,” he says, “but I will always be a de facto representative of the people whether I win or not.”
Your campaign says you want to change “the culture.” Can you elaborate?
Our culture in America is designed to disempower the average person and make them think their best chance for fulfillment is through consumption and cynicism. Running for political office provides a bully pulpit to address issues like the federal prohibition of cannabis, which is more than a criminal justice issue. To my mind, it is also a social control issue. The culture of people who smoke inspires divergent thinking and cooperation that threatens the way power structures try to control the population. As we shift toward more acceptance of
cannabis, I believe we will have a shift in the culture.
You believe social control is a calculated political effort? I do. Look at the propaganda from the original Harry Anslinger effort or the War on Drugs, which was really the war on people who disagreed with Richard Nixon. They tried to demonize cannabis, and many of these stereotypes perpetuate to this day. As a cannabis user who works hard to make positive change in society, I still hear, “Oh, you are just a stoner.”
Which groups are most opposed to medical cannabis?
against it. A lot of money comes from the private prison, alcohol and tobacco industries. I used to live in Central Illinois, and there was an organization called CAMP, which stood for Campaign Against Marijuana Production. Anheuser-Busch was their biggest funder since studies show alcohol consumption goes down wherever cannabis consumption is legalized. There is also the law enforcement industrial complex. In Arizona, one in every five arrests is cannabis related. Every layer of law enforcement gets money for drug interdiction, and if you take 20 percent of their business away, it affects their budgets.
Why is prohibition not a bigger issue with the libertarian Republicans?
Actually, the libertarian wing of the Republican Party in western Arizona is loudly calling for cannabis reform, but the religious wing tends to dominate. I work with an organization called Safer Arizona, and we currently have a citizen’s initiative for a legalize-and-regulate bill based on the Colorado law. The state requires 260,000 signatures by July 2014, and we are collecting those now. By doing this, we really got to see where people come out on the issue. c
Industrial organized crime growers are certainly fighting
Directional Support So where is Arizona headed with relation to MMJ laws? “The slate legislature is trying to curb or restrict the spread of the program, but we are up to about 40,000 licensed patients now,” says Weisser. “Despite state efforts, people are accepting it more and more. We see Sanjay Gupta on CNN saying everything you ever heard about medical [cannabis] was wrong and comedies like We’re the Millers becoming movie entertainment. A lot of libertarians are smokers, and it helps me reach across the aisle to people who hated my guts for being an outspoken Democrat. We have really contentious local politics here, but once we started smoking together, we found out we agreed on a lot more than we thought.”
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tu n es
www.officialdoyle.com
Misfit Adventures Infamous
Doyle gets down and dirty with CULTURE
By Alex Distefano
T
he Misfits are a world renowned punk rock band with a cult like following, that was formed in 1977 by bass player Jerry Only and singer Glenn Danzig. At the forefront of the horror punk movement and even foreshadowing a dark, monster-obsessed form of rock which would inspire many metal musicians, guitarist and brother of Jerry Only, Doyle joined the band at age 15 in the early ‘80s and has since been responsible for some of the most iconic guitar playing, on some of the Misfits classic material. With his signature corpse paint, Devils-lock and an arsenal of guitar riffs, Doyle is respected for his innovative, explosive mix of death punk rock-n-roll with the Misfits and his solo music, with the initial band Gorgeous Frankenstein and currently with his new musical project, simply titled Doyle. Doyle took time to speak with Culture recently, just
before his performance with Danzig as part of the special Danzig 25th Anniversary tour last month. This particular show was extra special; it was the very last concert to ever occure at the legendary Gibson Amphitheater in Southern California. The venue will be converted to a new Harry Potter attraction in the near future. In terms of his newly anticipated solo album, entitled Abominator, Doyle said that he is on fire and very eager to share his music and tour to support the record. “The new album’s ready. It was out digitally, but comes out physically at the end of October,” Doyle said. “We’re all ready to go I can’t wait.” Doyle said this project, which is a slab of punk and metal fury for fans of Misfits and Danzig, has been in the works for several years and aside from the album, Abominator, even more music is on the way. “We started writing in 2008, we had enough for two and
a half records,” he told Culture. “We recorded it all ourselves. The second one is almost finished, it will be out in the near future.” Although one might imagine that every day is Halloween for Doyle, he admits that he doesn’t always get the chance to celebrate it with his family. “Usually, on Halloween we’re on tour and I’m at a show working,” he said. “I wish I could at least take my kids trick or treating, that would be fun.” Among Doyle’s other ventures
include a non musical endeavor that is like a fiery assault on your taste buds. Doyle has his own brand of bottled hot sauce, known as Made In Hell. He told Culture that his secret is in adding nonconventional ingredients. “I tasted the [original recipe] and decided to add some spices I like,” he said. “I like spicy food and think it’s good, I hope people like it, I have a new one coming out soon as well, and that will be even hotter.” c
Health and Wellness Although Misfits is not known for being lumped in with the “stoner crowd,” Doyle said that he ultimately supports the freedom of people to use cannabis for recreational and medicinal purposes. The band was formed in the late ‘70s, in New Jersey, a state that now joins many other states in the country with similar laws regarding cannabis, with laws being passed in 2010. Doyle focuses his lifestyle on music, family and keeping physically fit. Doyle said that keeping in shape is the only way to live a lifestyle of live shows and constant touring. With his amazing physique, he insists he could do better. “I have been working out for 38 years man I should be looking a lot better than I do,” he said.
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After toiling in obscurity on the stand-up circuit for a while, Lisa Lampanelli got her big break as a complete unknown (and the only female on the stage) at a Comedy Central roast of Chevy Chase and went on to make a name for herself as an insult comic at many a roast since. But now—after weathering a bumpy ride on the Celebrity Apprentice—the self-described “Queen of Mean” is ready to leave her comfort zone and is developing a one-woman show for Broadway. On her way to NYC she’ll be bringing her act all across the country, but this time she promises a whole new experience. “I’m doing standup, but it’s a 100 percent new show from the last time I was there,” Lampanelli says. “Since then I did Celebrity Apprentice. I also did weight loss surgery and I lost 107 pounds. I got married. So a lot’s happened since the last time I was there so it’s a brand new hour and change of material. 18 CULTURE • OCTOBER OCtober 2013
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The first time I really saw you, was on Celebrity Apprentice where—I have to say—you did not appear to be having a good time. It’s harder than you’d ever think. I mean you work 20 hours a day, six days a week. You pretty much have to contend with people who are just fucking stupid and I have no patience for anything like that. It’s a really tough show. It’s really hard. I mean if you take it seriously and want to win actual money for your charity—which I did. And after putting up with all that crap, how much did you end up winning for your charity? $120,000. After I took my 15 percent cut those fags got cured of AIDS! Would you do it over again? Oh God, no. It’s too hard. I’d rather just cut a check for the $130 grand myself. Do you think it was a positive thing for your career at least, if not your sanity? Oh no, it was positive, because I just got more well-known and the whole thing in this business is to reach more and more people. So that when you do something like this Broadway show that I’m going to do next year that people go “Oh I’ve heard of her and I want to go see her!” So yeah, overall it was definitely worth it. Your upcoming Broadway show is called Skinny Bitch? That’s the working title. When does it start? We’re work-shopping it around the country now and it’s tentatively scheduled for October 2014. What are you trying to achieve with the show and where are you at right now with it? Well, about three years ago, I got really bored with stand-up and I was like, wow, I can either do something new or I could just retire. So I got this idea that I wanted to do a show about my work with myself on co-dependency and food and weight trouble and decided to develop this show with Alan Zweibel, who wrote Billy Crystal’s one-person show for Broadway, so that kind of took off and producers liked the idea. And it’s great. It’s hilarious but it’s also about very real points so it’s really worth doing. And you are working with director John Rando who has done a lot of stuff both off and on Broadway. Yeah he’s ridiculous. It’s hard for me to believe that I’m working with him. He gets it. All it requires is for somebody to get you. So how long is this show exactly? And it’s all you, right? 90 minutes. Nobody wants to see somebody standing up and just talking for more than 90 minutes. I’m sorry. I don’t care how famous you are, nobody cares. 90 minutes is the limit for anybody. How close are you to being finished? Well it’s never really finished until it hits Broadway and you do previews but it’s pretty much in the order its gonna be in. Let’s put it that way. It’s almost a ticket-ready show. And you are doing your first scripted show—for the very first time— on Broadway. You’re not starting small here. It’s going to start on Broadway first and then I’m going to tour it around the country after that. That’s pretty huge. I assume this is your first time performing on the Great White Way? Oh yeah. Definitely. I mean after that I would love to do other stuff. Like I want to do every corny old-lady part that exists. [She laughs.] But I’ll wait for that. This first. october 2013 • CULTURE 19 OCTOBER
I gotta give you credit here for thinking big because this seems to me like a huge project to take on. You know what . . . [The new tour will be] exciting and different. It’s really bad to do something for 20-something years and then be bored and say “I don’t know what to do” so I’m really grateful that I even thought of it.
then do it. If you are doing it for the right reasons then go ahead.
Most creative people get bored, and that isn’t such a bad thing. It forces you to get off your ass and try something you probably wouldn’t have had the guts to try when you were humming along. Yeah. Enough is enough! You need a challenge.
Do you actively participate in social media? Oh sure, sure. To promote and put jokes out there but I don’t let what anybody says on Twitter bother me anymore because if you water yourself down to try and be liked by everybody nobody is going to like you.
How did you prepare for this show? I did a summer conservatory at Yale, for drama. It was great. Seriously I didn’t know it was going to be as much work as it was because it was about 14 hours of classes a day, five days a week. It was as much work as Celebrity Apprentice was but there was a bigger payoff because I actually learned something and didn’t have to work with anybody stupid. Did you see the James Franco Roast? I loved it! As someone who got famous for doing roasts you’re the perfect judge I think. What did you think was so good about it? I don’t know. Me and Jimmy [Cannizzaro, her husband] watched it and we were like “why do we like this so much better?” It all harkened back to the Dean Martin roast where everybody was friends. That was how a roast should feel. So I thought it was ridiculously fun to watch. You kind of had a breakout moment at a roast. Oh yeah, the roasts were definitely the thing that put me on the map. And those are great but I don’t know if I really want to do them anymore but it doesn’t really matter. You did the Trump roast and you really let the bastard have it. 20 CULTURE • OCTOBER OCtober 2013
Do you partake of the medicine yourself? I was never a big drug or alcohol person—it probably would have been a lot less fattening if I was— but unfortunately I always partook of the food and the men instead.
Yeah I did Trump before Celebrity Apprentice so whether you like him or you don’t like him I think he showed a lot of balls by putting me on the show after I made fun of him. What was the first roast you did when you were the totally unknown person on the lineup? Chevy Chase was the first one. And that’s the best part of it. When nobody knows who you are nobody makes fun of you. I wasn’t even on the internet. That was my one free pass. As an unknown talent how did you even get on the bill at the Chevy Chase roast? I was a member of the Friar’s Club and they really pushed it. The Friar’s Club was the producer of the roasts back then. And they pushed Comedy Central to have me do it. And if it wasn’t for the Friar’s Club, trust me, I wouldn’t have been on that roast because Comedy Central was like “who is this?” and the Friar’s Club said “you have to do us one favor.” So luckily it went really well
and I’ve been on most of them since then. So the Friar’s Club believed in you. Yes, and they still do because they ask me to do enough free shit for them now. I’m paying for it for the rest of my life. Let’s talk about your recent controversies. You get yourself in trouble sometimes, don’t you? I wouldn’t say I’m in trouble, because I’m self-employed. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Who do I answer to? What is your position on medical cannabis? Well, since it has nothing to do with me, I really don’t care that much, because I have only been addicted to food and men. But here’s my feeling: if it helps you with something medical, then go ahead and use the fucking thing. If you have any symptoms that can be helped by medical cannabis,
When you do your stand-up, how much of your show is scripted in advance and how much of it is just made up stuff up on the spot? Well most of it starts onstage. I’ll record the show and listen to it after and punch it up if I hear a bit I like—but I would say about 90 percent of it starts on stage. 90 percent? That’s a lot! Yup. I know, but it’s more fun for me. That sounds a little scary to a guy like me who has never tried stand-up comedy before. I guess, but I think if you’re confident and funny and they’re your fans they let you kind of develop stuff. It’s always going to end up funny. I mean, funny people hardly ever say anything and don’t know how to close it so I don’t really feel like it’s that much of a risk because those people are there to see you. So after all you’ve accomplished in the last few years, what does Lisa Lampanelli still want to do? Well this whole thing at Yale this summer inspired me to do some real acting so I talked to my director and after Broadway and the tour I’m doing to do some plays—some straight up drama— some Tennessee Williams or Arthur Miller—something like that. Do you ever see yourself directing something? You never know! I love bossing people around! c V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m
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destination unknown Tantalizing
By Dennis Argenzia and Edengrace Cayosa
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Tay Nguyen
Vietnam’s South Central is rich with greenery, life and unspoiled eccentricites
W
e are in a decrepit van, hurtling down open road. There are too many benches, several women vomiting into dangerously thin green plastic bags, a single aimless cockroach and a man dangling out of the open side door. Frequently, Dangly Man grabs someone outside the van, throws them inside, and vice versa, all with barely any deceleration in the van’s speed. However, the people are not angry; in fact, they pay him, as we have. We are on our way to Vietnam’s Central Highlands. This is our third trip to Vietnam, and we’ve already hit the big targets: Hanoi in the north, Ho Chi Minh in the south, Mui Ne and Nha Trang in the central coast, etc. Now, it’s time for traveler recommendations, and one traveler has said the golden words, “I heard the Central Highlands doesn’t get many foreign tourists.” Our adventure doesn’t cover all of the Central Highlands (which butts up against the borders of Laos and Cambodia), just the big three cities: Kontum, Buon Ma Thuot and Dalat. We arrive in Kontum covered in road dust and remarkably bruise-free. We are greeted by more road dust and virtually no tout. That traveler wasn’t joking: this place doesn’t get a lot of foreign tourists, probably
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because it isn’t obvious what you’re supposed to be doing here. Ah, but if you match curiosity with a hardy little motorcycle rental . . . oh the things you’ll see! Kontum is home to the Montagnards, a name that reflects Vietnam’s French Colonial past and a pretty moniker for the Degar indigenous minority group that often gets the crap end of any interaction with predominantly ethnic Vietnamese government. The Degar build distinct stilted structures called “rong” long houses, which are awesome for four reasons: 1) you have to climb up a notched tree trunk to get inside; 2) they have huge vaulted roofs; 3) they are still actively used for communal purposes; and 4) they are often locked because of too much “one-onone” use. And because the Degar are mostly Christian, you’re likely to see a cross marking the path to a “rong” long house. After a few indulgent days of off-road riding through orchards and stunning sunsets, it was time to move on, so we braved yet another exhilarating van ride to get to Buon Ma Thuot, the capital of the Central Highlands. While bigger than Kontum, Buon Ma Thuot was even less touristy, as this city gets its revenue from its famous coffee plantations, not tourism. There are package trips to Lak Lake and the Ede hill tribes outside the city, but we decided to keep it simple
and drop by the Dray Sap and Gia Long waterfalls instead. We definitely couldn’t leave Buon Ma Thuot without trying their legendary “ca phe sua da” or iced Vietnamese coffee with milk. If you like your coffee alpha strong with a diabetes-inducing amount of sugar, this stuff is instant addiction: a thick slurry of rich coffee drips into a glass cup containing ice and at least half an inch of sweetened condensed milk. Stir, sip and buzz for hours! Amped up on caffeine, we were ready for the final stop of our Central Highland trip: Dalat. Formerly a cool mountain retreat for wealthy French colonists escaping the heat and misery of Ho Chi Minh City, Dalat is still extremely popular with domestic tourists, especially couples. Here we witnessed the ultimate expression of kitschy Indochine love: plastic swan paddle boats in a man-made lake; re-imagined French gardens with topiaries shaped like teapots; a “Valley of Love” featuring giant elves-on-mushrooms. c
The Balanced Experience
The path to romance goes completely awry at the Hang Nga Crazy House. Do not visit this place if you have taken mind-altering substances. The Crazy House is what happens when an architect uses paintings instead of floor plans. It’s organic, filled with nooks, passageways and concrete animals, and a functioning guesthouse. Yet there is balance to all the bizarre—mellow cafes, fresh fruit and flower markets, scenic forest roads, Buddhist temples and serene Christian cemeteries—and balance is the secret to Dalat’s widespread appeal. We stayed for weeks. We end with a quick, disappointing green report. While marijuana is often craftily grown amidst legitimate Central Highland crops like coffee and corn, quality is generally poor. Better to spend your Vietnamese dong (ha ha) on potent coffee or a nice flavored shisha.
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profiles in courage
Are you an MMJ patient from Arizona with a compelling story to tell? If so, we want to hear from you. Email your name, contact information and details about your experiences with medical cannabis to courage@ireadculture.com.
WHY DID YOU START USING MEDICAL CANNABIS?
I had just suffered a seizure (that caused me to fall and fracture my pelvis in three places), I was supposed to take something like . . . 6-10 different medications! It just seemed to be so much! But it was all the possible side effects from chemicals I had never even heard of that I could no longer subject my body to, and medical cannabis was the perfect solution!
DID YOU TRY OTHER METHODS OR TREATMENTS BEFORE CANNABIS?
Patient: Tonya Green
AGE: Condition/ Illness: 51 years young.
Severe nerve damage to my back L-1 to L-6, also severe anxiety and severe depression due to PTSD.
Using medical cannabis since: 2010
Yes, of course I did . . . isn’t that normal? I was prescribed this, that and every other pharmaceutical for my various aches and pains. But personally, when the prescription states that it “MAY CAUSE CANCER?” Enough was enough. Yes, I tried the “other methods” prescribed and I was highly disappointed. I’ve always preferred the natural approach, chemicals are scary . . . and the “possible side effects” totally freak me out.
WHAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE OR PROBLEM FACING MEDICAL CANNABIS PATIENTS?
I think it is obvious to anyone concerned that the whole legality of our precious medical cannabis and our dispensaries are constantly in jeopardy. And it is upsetting in many ways. But I believe that knowledge is the key. I really believe in the many benefits of this herb which nature has given us.
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO FOLKS WHO ARE SKEPTICAL ABOUT CANNABIS AS MEDICINE? I simply say, to each his own. c
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cool stuff ColorVue Crazy Lens MaxVUE Vision has the best addition to your Halloween costume! ColourVUE Crazy Lens. Not just the traditional three tones lenses, but they even have those creepy oversized lenses, new StarBurst series, Gold & Silver series, Glow Lens series, Fusion Colors, Glamour designs and over 60 new Crazy Lens designs—enough to actually drive you crazy. These things will definitely help you win that costume contest. ($24 - $89) www.colorvue-lens.com
The Bartender’s Toolbox by ThinkGeek We’ve finally found an awesome item that aficionados of fine adult beverages and those who love tools can rejoice over together. A hammer that’s also a bottle opener, a saw that’s also a citrus knife, a corkscrew that’s also a screwdriver, a cocktail strainer that’s also a spackle knife, garnish skewers that are also nails, and a jigger that’s . . . well, that’s all it is, but you have to have a jigger to complete the set! ($29.99) www.thinkgeek.com
Lapka Personal Environment Monitor For iPhone The Lapka Personal Environment Monitor is a handy tool that works with your iPhone to help you measure and monitor all of the invisible threats in your environment. The monitor system can test humidity, electromagnetic fields and radiation. Download the free companion app and take measurements in your house, at work or on the go. Store all of the information in your personal diary to track measurements over time. Compatible with iPhone 4, 4s and 5, iTouch 4 gen+, iPad. The set includes fours sensors, cable and bag. ($249.99) www.mylapka.com
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Sandy Moriarty is the author of Aunt Sandy’s Medical Marijuana Cookbook: Comfort Food for Body & Mind and a Professor of Culinary Arts at Oaksterdam University. She is also the co-founder of Oaksterdam’s Bakery.
Menu:
MULLED APPLE CIDER STUFFED MUSHROOMS BIRDS and BEES SALAD
By Aunt Sandy
The Hearty Harvest
October is a time for warm sweaters, hearty meals and the wonderful colorful changing of leaves. Now that it’s here, it’s time to reap the flavor-filled benefits of the season. This month is a harvest month; a time to enjoy foods that are complimented by the changing season. Perfect time for a delicious, rich and hearty meal. Let the homestyle aroma of apple cider ensnare your senses while you indulge in succulent stuffed mushrooms. Desserts and treats, warm drinks, delicious meals and good friends—now that’s a great October.
STUFFED MUSHROOMS 4 large field mushrooms 3 cloves garlic, crushed 1 red onion, finely chopped. 2 slices of bacon, chopped 2 tablespoons finely chopped parsley 1 1/2 tablespoon finely chopped thyme 1/4 cup fresh white bread crumbs 1/4 cup Cannabis Infused Olive Oil** Salt and pepper to taste Preheat oven to 350° Wipe mushrooms clean with a damp cloth, remove the stems and set them aside. Chop the mushroom stems and put into a bowl with the garlic, onion, bacon, parsley, thyme and breadcrumbs, salt and pepper. Divide the mixture into quarters and pack into mushroom caps. Grease an ovenproof dish with 1 tablespoon infused olive oil. Place stuffed mushrooms in the dish and sprinkle with the cheese. Dribble the remaining infused olive oil over the mushrooms. Bake for 30 minutes and serve hot.
BIRDS and BEES SALAD
1/2 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon whole allspice 1 teaspoon whole clove 1/4 teaspoon salt A dash of ground nutmeg 3 inch stick of cinnamon 2 quarts apple cider 1 cup Cannabis Infused Simple Syrup* One orange, cut in wedges
Honey Mustard Head of iceburg Vinaigrette Dressing lettuce, romaine and kale (or your choice of Combine in a blender: 1/4 cup apple cider mixed greens) by the vinegar bunch, hand torn into 1 teaspoon salt a salad bowl 4 teaspoons Dijon 1/2 cup feta cheese mustard crumbled 1/4 cup honey 1/2 cup pumpkin 1/2 teaspoon poppy seeds seeds 1 cup dried cranberries
Combine sugar, allspice, cloves, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon and apple cider in a large sauce pan. Slowly bring to boil, cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Remove spices from pot after 20 minutes. Serve in warm mugs with a clove studded orange wedge in each.
Turn blender slowly and add 1/2 cup cannabis infused olive oil. Continue blending for 30 seconds to emulsify. Top it off with some warm apple cider.
Serves 4
1/2 cup Cannabis Infused Olive Oil
Legal Disclaimer Publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical marijuana. The recipes listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only where medical marijuana is not a violation of state law. Edibles can vary in potency while a consumers’ weight, metabolism and eating habits may affect effectiveness and safety. Ingredient management is important when cooking with cannabis for proper dosage. Please consume responsibly and check with your doctor before consumption to make sure that it is safe to do so.
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For our complete recipes go to ireadculture.com.
MULLED APPLE CIDER
CULTURE pumpkin created by Tim Pate. Pumpkin provided by The Pumpkin Patch on Sauvie Island, Portland, Oregon.
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entertainment reviews Willie Nelson To All The Girls . . . Sony Music Entertainment With Willie Nelson’s constant visibility in contemporary pop culture, often for his cannabis activism, it can be easy to forget that the man’s career is now rapidly approaching its 60th year. Nelson is an institution of country music, an American National Treasure, and it’s hard to stress just how important his influence on music as a whole has been in the last half-century. And here he is at the age of 80, delivering yet another stellar set of recordings in the form of his new album, To All The Girls . . . Similar to his last record Heroes, which featured Nelson singing with guests ranging from his son Lukas to Snoop Dogg, this outing sees Nelson joined by some of his favorite female vocalists, who’s pedigrees span a wide range of genres, for a set of eighteen gorgeous duets. The guests range from more recent stars like Sheryl Crow, Carrie Underwood and Norah Jones, to fellow country music legends like Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn and Emmylou Harris and Mavis Staples. Nelson’s voice still has the strength of an old oak tree, yet still has the smooth qualities and the sharpness of a blade of grass. To All The Girls . . . is worthy addition to one of the most flawless legacies in all of music, and Nelson proves yet again, that even in his old age, he’s still an incredible artist. (Simon Weedn)
The Marijuana Chef Cookbook By S.T. Oner Green Candy Press One of the hardest things about cooking cannabis many years ago was the lack of easily accessible instructions on how to do it properly. Even after the internet came around, one could find recipes, but a lot of them were confusing, didn’t deliver on what they promised, or didn’t convey how potent the edibles would be after cooking. Luckily for all of us, the same people that brought us gems like Cannabis Indica/Sativa Guides To The World’s Finest Marijuana Strains has set about keeping his guide to proper culinary cannabis preparation, The Marijuana Chef Cookbook, up to date with a brand new third edition. This edition surpasses previous versions of the book by finally including full color photos of every dish prepared as well as containing fifteen new recipes. In addition, the book still contains all of the things that made it wonderful in the first place including: multiple methods of THC extraction, vegan and vegetarian alternates for several recipes, natural options to detoxify for a drug test, notes on the history of cannabis use in food, and information on the potency of recipes. The Marijuana Chef Cookbook is new, improved, and better than ever. Whether you’re looking for cannabis infused main courses like “Midnight Pizza” or ideas on how to incorporate marijuana into your favorite mixed drinks, this cookbook has it all. (Simon Weedn)
This Is the End Sony Pictures Dir. Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg Just when you thought that Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (Superbad, Pineapple Express) couldn’t possibly come out with another “stoner comedy” gem, the two return with This Is The End. The two are joined by an all-star ensemble of regular collaborators Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, and Craig Robinson as well as even bigger gaggle of fellow celebrity guests to bring on an almost non-stop barrage of laughs. As one might assume from the title, the film revolves around the group facing down apocalypse while in the midst of a party at James Franco’s house. All of the main characters and guests portray fictional re-interpretations of themselves that really go wild as they encounter all of the problems of a horrible apocalypse in the world. As to be expected with such a talented group of comedic actors, the writing, timing and delivery of every joke, no matter how over the top, is absolutely masterful and will have you, at times, literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Fans of Rogen’s, Franco’s and Goldberg’s previous film together, Pineapple Express, will also enjoy hearing the actual idea for the plotline of Pineapple Express II pitched, and sloppily executed in the midst of the movie as well. (Simon Weedn) 28 CULTURE • OCtober 2013
“Xul Solar and Jorge Luis Borges: The Art of Friendship” “Xul Solar and Jorge Luis Borges: The Art of Friendship” is an exhibition that explores friendship as a cosmopolitan agency, which informed Argentine art and culture through the intellectual exchange between the mystic artist Xul Solar (18871963) and the writer Jorge Luis Borges (1899-1985). The exhibition focuses on the dialogue, relationship and projects between Solar and Borges, the most influential cultural figures in Buenos Aires in the 20th century. They both contributed to the philosophical and aesthetic renewal in Argentina in the ‘20s by cultivating a form of “fluid nationalism.” The show focuses on Xul Solar’s watercolors, but also includes manuscripts by both men, documents, photographs and first editions of works they created together that are little known outside their native Argentina. Jorge Luis Borges was destined to become one of the most influential literary figures of the 20th century, but his closest aesthetic ally, painter Oscar Schulz Solari, whose professional name was Xul Solar, hardly has been given the praise he deserved.
IF YOU GO
WHAT: “Xul Solar and Jorge Luis Borges: The Art of Friendship” art exhibit. WHEN/WHERE: On view thru Dec. 31 in the Orme Lewis Gallery at the Phoenix Art Museum, 1625 N. Central Ave., Phoenix. INFO: Admission is $6-$15. For more information visit www.phxart.org.
V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m
Chuck Shepherd's
Newsof the
Weird LEAD STORY—FIRST AMENDMENT BLUES ; In the public libraries of Seattle (as in most public libraries), patrons are not allowed to eat or sleep (or even appear to be sleeping) or be shirtless or barefoot or have bad body odor or talk too loudly—because other patrons might be disturbed. However, in Seattle, as the Post-Intelligencer reported in September, librarians do permit patrons to watch hard-core pornography on public computers, without apparent restriction, no matter who (adult or child) is
walking by or sitting inches away at the next screen (although librarians politely ask porn-watchers to consider their neighbors). Said a library spokesperson: “(P)atrons have a right to view constitutionally protected material no matter where they are in the building, and the library does not censor.”
CULTURAL DIVERSITY
; Japan and Korea seem to be the birthplaces in the quest for youthful and beautiful skin, with the latest “elixir” (as usual, based on traditional, centuries-old beliefs)
being snail mucus—applied by specially bred live snails that slither across customers’ faces. The Clinical Salon in central Tokyo sells the 60-minute Celebrity Escargot Course session for the equivalent of about $250 and even convinced a London Daily Telegraph reporter to try one in July. (Previously, News of the Weird has informed readers of Asian nightingale-feces facials and live-fish pedicures.)
LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGES
; Iran’s INSA news service reported in January that officials in Shiraz had acquired a fingeramputation machine to perhaps streamline the gruesome punishment often meted out to convicted thieves. (A masked enforcer turns a guillotine-like wheel to slice off the finger in the manner of a rotary saw.) Iran is already known for its reliance on extreme Islamic Sharia, which prescribes amputations, public lashings and death by stoning, and Middle East commentators believe the government will now step up its amputating of fingers, even for
the crime of adultery.
QUESTIONABLE JUDGMENTS ; Australia’s chief diplomat in Taipei, Taiwan, said in August that he was suing local veterinarian Yang Dong-sheng for fraud because Dr. Yang backed out of euthanizing the diplomat Kevin Magee’s sick, 10-year-old dog. Instead, Dr. Yang “rescued” the dog, who is now thriving after he patiently treated her. Magee’s lawsuit claims, in essence, that his family vet recommended euthanization, that he had paid for euthanization, and that “Benji” should have been put down. Dr. Yang said the fee Magee paid was for “medical care” and not necessarily euthanization. (Benji, frolicking outside when a reporter visited, was not available for comment.) ; In August, a prosecutor in Houston filed aggravated rape charges against a 10-year-old girl (“Ashley”) who had been arrested in June and held for four days in a juvenile detention center.
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A neighbor had seen Ashley touching a 4-year-old boy “in his private area,” according to a KRIV-TV report—in other words, apparently playing the timehonored, rite-of-passage game of “doctor.”
SQUIRRELS GONE WILD ; Smithsonian magazine detailed in August the exhaustive measures that military officials have taken to finally block relentless Richardson’s ground squirrels from tunneling underneath Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana and interfering with the Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missiles on 24/7 standby. For example, officials had to use trial-and-error to plant underground screens deeper into the ground than the squirrels cared to dig. A day after that report was published, a bus driver in Gothenburg, Sweden, crashed into a tree (with six passengers requiring hospital treatment) after swerving to avoid a squirrel in the road. On the same day, a New York Times reporter disclosed that his own news monitoring for
2013 revealed that squirrels have caused 50 power outages in 24 states in the U.S. since Memorial Day after invading electric company substations.
PROGRESSIVE GOVERNMENTS
; In July, the Czech Republic approved Lukas Novy’s official government ID photo even though he was wearing a kitchen colander on his head. Novy had successfully explained that his religion required it since he is a “Pastafarian”—a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (a prank religion pointing out that all deities’ power and wisdom comes from followers’ faith rather than from tangible proof of their existence).
THE PERVO-AMERICAN COMMUNITY
; He Had a Different Dream: Barely two months before the 50-year commemoration of the March on Washington, Park Police arrested Christopher H. Cleveland and charged him with shooting “upskirt” photos of unsuspecting women lounging on the steps of
the Lincoln Memorial. According to the officers, Cleveland (who said he was unaware that the photos were illegal) had a computer in his car that contained at least 150 PowerPoint slide presentations of at least 30 images each of his multitude of female photo victims.
A NEWS OF THE WEIRD CLASSIC (JULY 2010) ; While the morbidly obese struggle with their health (and society’s scorn), those who eroticize massive weight gain are capturing increased attention, according to a July (2010) ABC News report. Commercial and personal websites give fullbellied “gainers,” such as New Jerseyan Donna Simpson, and their admiring “feeders” the opportunity to express themselves. Simpson became a 602-pound media sensation in March (2010), when she began offering pay-per-view video of herself to an audience of horny feeders. Wrote another gainer-blogger, “Lately, I’ve been infatuated with the physics of my belly . . . how it moves with me.” When he leans to one side, he wrote, “I feel a roll form around my love handle.” One sex researcher called it a “metaphor of arousal.” In the end, though, as a medical school professor put it, “The fetish may be in our heads, but the plaque is going to be in (their) arteries.”
HAPPINESS IS A CLEAN TOILET ; Beginning in 2011, about three dozen people in Tokyo have been meeting every Sunday morning at 6 a.m. on a mission to scrub down, one by one, the city’s grungiest public rest rooms. “By 7:30,” according to an Associated Press reporter who witnessed an outing in August, the team had left behind a “gleaming public toilet, looking as good as the day it was installed.” Explained the hygieneintense Satoshi Oda (during the week, a computer programmer), the mission is “for our own good”—work that leader Masayuki Magome compares to the training that Buddhist monks receive to find peace. (In fact, to fulfill the group’s motto, “Clean 30 CULTURE • OCtober 2013
thyself by cleaning cubicles,” the scouring must be done with bare hands.) A squad supporter spoke of a sad, growing apprehension that the younger generation no longer shares the Japanese cultural conviction that rest rooms should always be clean and safe.
MEDICAL MARVELS
; Colleagues were stunned in May when ABC News editor Don Ennis suddenly appeared at work wearing a little black dress and a red wig and declaring that he had begun hormone therapy and wanted to be called Dawn Ennis. As co-workers accommodated his wishes (which did not seem so unusual in contemporary professional society), Ennis began to have second thoughts, and by July had blamed his conversion on “transient global amnesia,” brought on by marital difficulties, and had returned to work as Don. Apparently the primary lingering effect is that he must still deal with Dawn’s hormone-induced breasts.
THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT
; Researchers at the University of Tokyo have developed a mirror that makes a person appear happy even when not. A built-in camera tracks facial features in real time, then tweaks the image to turn up the corners of the mouth and to create the beginnings of a smile in the eyes. Of what practical use would such a mirror be? Other Japanese researchers, according to a Slate. com report in August, believe that happy-face mirrors in retail stores would improve shoppers’ dispositions and lead to more sales. ; A home ownership boom in China has led to heavily attended housing fairs, in which builders compete zealously to sell their homes, leading to offbeat schemes to draw attention. Among the latest, according to China Daily, is one that dresses female models in bare-backed evening wear, with sample floor plans and other housing information painted onto their skin, and sends them wandering through the crowds. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m
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